ramble [Music] [Applause] [Music] welcome i’m charles neal dispatches from myrtle beach and rather be shagging 53 at aol.com send us some messages oh yeah you dad you’re getting right into it yeah i love it promoting your your email you’ve been getting some emails already yeah i’ve been getting some emails and trying to get through some of them and i had over 300 and some so it’s hard to get them all but i’m trying to you know look at them and respond to them dispatches from myrtle beach well what’s going on in myrtle beach dad oh it’s hot down here now it’s got west warmed up and we ready to go shagging and have a big time see what we’re gonna do on the show today did you like the song yeah i liked it i could have got up and danced you could shag to that yeah probably could unshack to most anything now you do know that some people have a different definition of the word shag absolutely i mean i you know you if you’re from europe uh shagging is not dancing it is what uh it has to do with some kind of sexual activity okay is it is it a specific type of sex activity you may know more about it than i do uh i can’t i don’t think so but all i know it’s got to do if you you have to be careful if you tell somebody from europe that you want to go shagging they gonna carry you to shag to do something else and are you open to that no i’m not open to it you only have one partner that’s correct nancy that’s right who is technically my stepmom so this is a little this is a strange conversation yep that’s right you know i don’t want not to uh have her living around here anymore so uh yeah so she don’t she so she don’t kick me to the curb so i i’m gonna try to steer away from shagging in europe you’re a one-woman shagging machine most of the time well hold on now you’re talking out of both sides of your mouth yo if you talking about dancing shag and she lets me dance with other women oh and are you letting her dance with other men she can if she wants to but sometimes her breath don’t hold out to where she can last more than one song and i can last three or four in a row so you know i just try to you gotta line the dance partners up uh that’s not hard for a man down here the women’s usually lined up if you can shag they lined up to dance with you because there’s a lot more women than there is men that want to dance because all the men die off yeah women last longer than men most of the time down here anyway in this world well tell me what else has been going on give me another dispatch well last monday when we were coming back from germany and we were going through customs in uh detroit michigan okay took a vacation to germany okay yeah and i had my little beanie hat on and it says well take your hat off you got to take your hat off where they can recognize it when you look at your passport and all that stuff yeah so nancy went first and i didn’t go with her so i waited and went and when i walked up to the guy that was a custom agent i walked up to him he said you don’t have to take your hat off with me i said why is that he says i saw you walking down to coming in a while ago and i knew who you were when you was coming down the road down there he said you link’s dead [Laughter] and so there was people all lined up you know where he was just supposed to ask us if we were declaring anything well he sat there and talked to me for about five minutes and just went on he said i listen to your dad er dad and uh rhett every day before i come to work i’m not your dad i’m your son though i mean my son your son you’re the dad yeah he said he listens every day he he said i listen every day the written link i thought that was pretty amazing that you try to get through customs and you can’t even get through customs and somebody recognizes me because of you i i guess that put you at ease when you didn’t have to be searched i don’t know what you’re trying to bring back from germany oh i want to know that i was just glad to be back in the country he did ask me if i had anything to declare to declare and i said no i didn’t bring anything back and he said you good to go anyway go ahead you could have brought back anything dad more than them brownies okay it sounds like we need a vacation update we’ll get to that yeah did anybody else in the airport recognize you i had some people that kind of looked at me like they knew who i was when uh we were in the heineken brewery over there but they they didn’t know who you were because i asked them oh so somebody was looking at you drinking heineken yeah and what did you say well i said do you recognize me for any from anywhere or from something and the guys you know and that’s what hey i do that all the time and some people say no and then some people say yes and then okay that’s just hey i’m proud obviously i you know if they don’t if they don’t know who i am it’s all right i just keep right on getting up and getting with it thank you for being proud of me that that means a lot it feels good to hear that what’s your success rate probably at least 50 50. because most of the time when when that was over there most time when you’re in the united states and somebody’s looking at me pretty strange like like i know who you are but i really don’t know who you are and yeah if i ask them it’s probably closer to 80 percent that i don’t know who you are and who i am so but in that 20 when they say no i don’t know who you are you just walk away no i hey i said well i’m sorry i bothered you but my my son and uh his friend have a show on youtube called good mythical morning and i explain it to them and most people pull the phone out and look it up or i’ll show it oh good we get a view yeah and i should or i show it to them on my phone and sometimes it those 20 or so may not believe me or something so but when i pull you up and then they look at you and they look at me standing there and they said you’re telling the truth aren’t you i said oh yeah i’m telling the truth i want lie to you so because we look alike yeah yeah so you got through customs without being searched and they normally do a cavity search i don’t know if you’ve ever had one of those but no i ain’t never had no cavity search in the airport there was a time when you worked in a at the present prison guard right that’s correct and did you ever have to give a cavity search i mean what’s what does that take prisoners had visitors on sunday yeah you had when they came back from vista and you had to strip them down naked and carry them down and they had to bend over and pull their cheeks open and everything where you could look to make sure somebody hadn’t give them something they’d been able to stick something up in there did you i hadn’t put my hands but we had to look and check and see well i’m glad i asked about this we’re kind of sending the message that dispatches from myrtle beach can go anywhere including right up your rectum i’m telling you and we went right up one day and i mean and now we’re back out yeah well that’s good we need to be hosed down a little bit but we’re going to be all right oh yeah what do you want to do now i don’t know let’s talk about some of the uh emails and stuff some of the people sent me all right go for it it’s time for our first edition of myrtle beach mailbag well i got a email from chelsea garnett it asks me says does a tree poop okay this is a joke yeah because i tweeted out a while back i was like it would be it’d be fun to give my dad’s email address out people didn’t believe it was your email address and i told them to give you jokes yep that’s why you got 300 emails uh in like a 24-hour period this is a joke yeah okay yes i didn’t you didn’t set that up i’m just i’m just setting it up so people know oh no so go for it okay so it says does a tree poop does a tree poop that’s right and you look and says of course it does how else would you get a number two pencil okay all right i did laugh a little bit at that a number two pencil yeah i laughed a little i laughed a little bit at it when i read it the first time too but it was just a little bit but you know i smiled i’m smiling yeah okay you got another one give me give me another one it says how do you get a good price on a sled okay uh i don’t know how do you get a good price on a sled you have a toboggan with a salesman you ha what you have to like to bargain but toboggan yes with us okay you have to bargain with the salesman you have to buy another salesman that’s it the bargain went to salesman yeah no uh i mean where we’re from a toboggan means something different right we caught we called a winter hat like a beanie we called that a toboggan on the toe right yep that’s right and when you speak southern sometimes you’re tobogging and tubagen is two different things i guess yeah yeah i don’t know why i guess because like when you get on the sled if it’s like icy enough cold enough to sled you need to put a toboggan on to toboggan that’s my guess is where it came from you got another one actually who who sent you that last one you didn’t tell us cameron art okay cameron that sucked who else you got this one here kind of got me off caught me off guard a little bit i had to read it twice but then i then i caught on to it but it says two deer walk out of a gay bar out of breath okay two deer walk out of a gay bar out of breath yeah okay i’m a little nervous well you told me we could talk about anything on this show and it says one says to the other i can’t believe i only had one drink and blew 50 bucks in there [Laughter] oh that’s a good one yeah that one was about thousands i can’t believe i only had one drink and i blew 50 bucks in there i get i don’t know it’s like uh am i is there a reason not to laugh at that i don’t think so it’s funny kupanetiker sent that in okay yes we’ll blame it on cooper he sent it in i’m gonna blame it on him yeah yeah you didn’t write it you weren’t at that bar no i mean i would i’d go into a gay deer bar i’d be i’m very curious about that that’s interesting to me a gay deer bar is interesting yeah yeah i mean i’ve never i’ve never been in one what else you got yeah i got one from seth higley and he says i’m looking to inquire some information about the best way to shag oh we’re back on that and how does one do the shag and how do you approach someone for shagging so i don’t know if he thought shagging was like in yuri or if it’s even a dance you know i mean i would love both answers let’s start with the european answer well the european answer was if uh we’re gonna hook up and get together and see how much emotional shagging we can get into and how much fun we can have okay so it’s emotional shagging before physical shagging you got to have a connection yeah i would think so okay european kind of shaggy what about myrtle beach shagging well you just gotta you have to come take some dance lessons and uh learn how to it’s not but six steps to it and if you learn how to do those then you learn a whole lot more to uh to be able to dance and do it is pretty pretty easy to learn how to do if you got you got to have a little bit of rhythm most of the time but it’s my from what i’ve observed it’s mostly in the feet it’s like a shuffle you’re supposed to dance with just your feet and be able to turn around in a circle uh just where two people are standing and you don’t spread out that far and uh probably three foot in a three foot circle you dance around in but there’s not a lot of there’s not any thrusting of the pelvis involved you know it’s one might be disappointed well there’s some people that do it that add that in a little bit and everything but if you’re dancing in a competition you don’t you’re not able to do that if you want to win if you don’t want to win you can do whatever you want to well there’s many ways to win it depends on what you’re what you’re striving for but it’s good exercise especially for old people like me and nancy and a lot of other people people do it and stay pretty healthy doing now don’t be caught you’ve already thrown nancy under the bus talking about her getting winded after one song now you’re calling her old you think she’s gonna listen to this you need to be thinking about that hey me and her both know we’re olds okay all right she’s if you’re she’s she she tells me all the time that she’s old so i don’t think she’ll be offended if i say something like that we’re old i’m just looking out for you like you’re you’re new to hosting a podcast you know i i’ve been doing this for a while and you know sometimes you’re thinking about an audience of one you know you’re having you’re talking about a story and there’s there’s one person that might well i don’t know if i want one person to hear this of course i don’t want to be the one to make you get shy on here but yeah to keep throwing nancy under the bus i guess i think it’s great hey you say you didn’t want any other sexual partners so there you go oh i’m telling i think that’s a win yep she’s going to be happy absolutely yeah yes she’ll be happy about it and she’ll be glad that i said that too okay so now you see you can also get brownie points as a podcast host you know if you say the right thing you know well i did that pretty well uh she’s still up in sanford today and i slipped her a card in her makeup bag that i found somewhere and uh i made a bunch of brownie points when she found it this morning opening up her makeup bag so i’m probably doing pretty good today with some brownie points so what was there a drawing in there or was it just no it was just a nice pretty card that i found that i liked and it reminded me of everything she does for me and a lot of other people too so i bought it i she didn’t even know i bought it and has she caught called you yet did she get it yeah she got it this morning and she texts me about five different texts about it and then she i called her and talked to her a little bit oh she takes you five times oh man you’re definitely gonna get laid when she gets home mission accomplished right that’s the point maybe not the only one but i mean that’s part of the package yep that’s right yeah okay yeah that see that’s classy that’s class that’s a lot better than like a dick pic i don’t get i just don’t get it you familiar no what am i gonna have to educate you on all this stuff i’m usually one who gets educated on the internet a dick pic i don’t know well you can kind of infer i mean you know what a dick is yeah yeah you know what a pick is yeah yeah so think about that it’s like a tank okay people do this not to me i’ve never gotten one either i’ve never i’ve never given one i just i don’t get it i don’t get it but now that you know that exists do you get it i mean can you be like devil’s advocate just like well listen under some circumstances no i don’t get it i i wouldn’t never i don’t think i’d ever send one to anybody and i’ll i’m going to do some more research about what a dick pic is it’s just a it’s just a pick of your wiener that you text somebody you don’t need to do any more research i mean a picture yeah it’s a pic a picture no i’m not gonna do that cause i would be in trouble then with nancy well no cause you’d be sending it to her oh okay no i’m not gonna do that cause you anybody can get a hold of stuff on the internet you’re right about that man but i’m not gonna send one so we ain’t gotta worry about it on my end no more i just don’t get it i mean there’s not a good angle you know if you if somebody sees one of those it’s kind of like mr hal bradley told me when we were in high school and girls were looking through the little peep hole where the guys took a shower and he caught him and he he caught him and he says what are y’all doing and they said well we just look and he said you know if you’ve seen one you’ve seen them all so chris quit looking that’s what he told did they believe that because that’s a lie dude that’s a lie yeah that was just his way to tell them that they didn’t need to be looking through through the peephole anymore to get in trouble oh and so were you on the other side of this peephole probably sometime or another and how did that make you feel didn’t i didn’t bother me a bit in the world back then man if you’d had a cellphone back when you were in high school just think about all the trouble we wouldn’t be having this podcast thank you if you haven’t if all the if all the stuff you’ve told me you’ve done back then i mean i guess it’ll come out on this show if there’s enough dispatches but yeah so all the emails aren’t jokes that one wasn’t a joke you got one more joke to close down the segment yeah i got one more okay what does the man infatuated with soul have what does the man infatuated with soil have yeah i don’t know dad what a dirty fetish man this is this this podcast is raunchy like i wouldn’t have gone so hard with like the cavity searching and every everything we’ve talked about has been super sexual is this is this the podcast we’re gonna be doing we it’s we’re both bringing it we’ll just have to see next week what kind of emails are getting what happens i don’t know all right remind them your email address rather be shagging 53 at aol.com and it can be confusing so i’m just going to spell it out it’s rather be just the letter b shagging without the g53 at aol.com rather letter b shaggingno g53 aol.com now it’s time for a word from our sponsor this is charles neal from dispatches from myrtle beach rather be shagging 53aol.com and we’d like you to hear about fat harold’s beach club a club that’s been going on for since 1962 and if you want to learn how to shag and have a good time and drink a cold beer or get a good drink of liquor all you need to do is just come on down here to fat hurls and if you come and i’m down there i’ll help teach you how to dance or find somebody that will help you teach you how to do it so just come on down to harass and have a big time we got some one of the best baloney sandwiches you’ll ever eat they’ve got a wonderful grill everything says come on down to harrell’s and have a big time with us harle’s beach club is at 212 main street north myrtle beach south carolina 29582 so that savitism at fathers.com and i don’t know how you gonna uh be shagging on line on.com but just come on down and we’ll help you learn how to shag that was a great ad dad that was amazing too bad you didn’t get paid for it let’s uh i mean you’ve been you’ve alluded to it you went on vacation we haven’t talked about it you tell me where you went what was your itinerary and i want to we got to hear at least one story from your vacation now it’s time for our first edition of shagging around the world well we went to amsterdam to start with and flew in there and uh i ain’t never seen so many bicycles in all my life they there’s more bicycles there than there are people i got pictures to prove it stacked on top of one another yeah we rode bicycles in amsterdam as a family you know we took the kids over there and um yeah we almost got hit by a train it was crazy because we didn’t know how to we didn’t know how to navigate the streets but we were riding bikes do you ride a bike no you told me not to ride one you didn’t want me to get run over okay so well that must have been christy maybe i did tell you that oh yeah chris he told me yeah yeah she was traumatized well i asked him i asked somebody at the motel we were staying with and i said well can i go over and get one of them bicycles stacked up and he said no you can’t mess with none of them bicycles they’re supposed to be somebodies but we don’t know who they are i said so what’s the difference in going over and getting a bicycle and riding i put it back and she said don’t do that you can get locked up for that so i didn’t want to get locked up in amsterdam so i left damn bicycles alone okay all right so you’re exercising judgment early i’m very proud of you get what what else do you see there’s lots to see in amsterdam it’s a beautiful city well it was really pretty we went to the van gogh museum and we went to the heineken brewery and did all that but then nancy wanted to go to the red light district and just see what was going on down there so we kind of got our paths crossed with other people so about 9 30 that night i was i already had my shoes off and she said i really do want to go down there so we went down there barefoot no i put my shoes back on okay and a lady told us how to get there and everything and so you asked some lady how do i get to the red light district uh we found it and was walking down through there and then you see a sign that says no pictures because we’d already walked by some of these wind windows but these women stand up with almost nothing on them really and waving you in like this come on in come on in and uh so they’re in like a big bay window yeah well it’s probably three foot wide and six or seven foot tall like an aquarium and then it’s a door beside of it so if you want to go in you go in the door and then if you go in and do what you want to with them they just pull the curtain back and you can’t see in there anymore and take care of business so you walked by by some of them and there was like a curtain pulled shut oh yeah and you see like people going in and coming out now i i’ve been here too but i did it when we went to amsterdam like i said we were with the kids it was the middle of the day and we were just walking around amsterdam and all of a sudden i look and there’s like a woman in it behind a behind a big wind bay window type thing and then there’s another woman and then we’re like oh damn i looked at chris and she was like let’s turn around and take these kids back that way here we were strolling down the red light district with like all of our grade school kids well we didn’t have no kids with us so we walked all the way to the end of the street and we looked in every window they had that you could see in how many windows are we talking about i’m gonna say about a dozen cause it would skip a little bit and then it’d be like three or four more windows and then it’d be like a little spot in between that had like a little restaurant in it and then you’d walk on down and there’d be another red light there and there’d be about four more windows there oh wow there’s like restaurants in the middle of it right in the middle of so which one did you two choose well we i i said nancy you going in here with me and she says you better get on down to enter the street down here did you they were trying to wave both of y’all in though i mean oh yeah they was gonna let us both in yeah there’s room enough for two for three total yeah you could see the bed back in there and then when they closed the curtain it looked like it either had a door or another curtain where you couldn’t see what was going on in there i mean were there people like scooting in and slinking out well we saw one man after we walked down the end of the street we saw one man come back out you didn’t shake his hand did you no okay good could you hear anything you did you put your ear to the glass oh no you can’t no and they tell you you got to have class there’s a sign up that says you know you can’t take no pictures yeah and not to beat and not to knock on and beat on the on the glass or anything or you can get or they’ll lock you up yeah yeah there’s got to be there’s got to be order i mean there’s any anything goes in amsterdam i mean the one picture you sent me from amsterdam was a a storefront and i was like what is okay dad must be there i was wondering if you got there because you know we talked before your left and i was like well i thought he’d been there by now and then all of a sudden i get this one picture and it’s like a storefront of a it’s like condoms hanging from a clothesline in the window of this store and from what i could tell that’s all the store was that’s all the store was and hey listen if you blow that picture up and look at it all them condoms they had stuff hanging from the bottom of them where it would tickle things on them and all kinds of stuff it was the beakiness thing i ever seen that’d be a great slogan to put on a condom the beatingest thing i ever seen yeah i mean there was there was there were animals on the end of them i was like how does this even work there’s like an elephant on the end of one of them it was a race car yeah but they won’t open so i couldn’t go in and i couldn’t go in and buy one so just to bring it back just to see what they were like but but they won’t open and i’ll probably went in and bought one just for the just to see how these things work yeah i guess so you know i i mean i’m again i’m curious yeah i mean they they’re they’re pretty open there in amsterdam it’s like they’re very orderly about it but there doesn’t seem to be a lot of shame which that seems nice like i don’t know about the prostitution industry and i’m not gonna get into all that you know leveling any type of judgment at all but just the dismantling of shame i think is something that is refreshing yeah you know hey this is the place where you go get your rocks off here’s the place where you get the elephant condom you would think somewhere like before you walk down that street it might be kind of dirty and you know and stuff thrown out on the ground and different stuff but listen that’s to clean all these places we went to that’s the cleanest place i’ve ever been in the world ain’t anything through on the ground yeah and the government looks after those women they care them and have them check to make sure they don’t have a venereal disease about once a month and how do you know the signs oh this is it it was on the sign yeah down at the end of the street so you know they’re they look after those women that that’s what they choose to do their work with so they they take care of them any other highlights from amsterdam well i got to see uh you were talking about them bicycles we got to see a man get run over one of them bicycles oh really somebody did get hit i mean knocked him about 10 foot then the boy the man on the bicycle didn’t even slow down he just kept right on kept right on getting up boy hold on i mean that a bicycle hit a pedestrian or a yes oh pedestrian oh no yeah and then kept riding yeah hey bicycles over there with cars people everything they got to ride away yeah but if you if you bowl somebody over you should did anybody go to this person’s aid he sat down on the ground over there and in a few minutes he he got on up and you just walked on off you didn’t you didn’t see if he was okay you just kind of watched we just kind of watched i didn’t want to hey you were sightseeing and you saw us yeah i saw the sight yeah now you mentioned bringing a brownie back to customs so i didn’t i didn’t bring new brownie back to customs you know if i got a brownie it got eaten before i went through left amsterdam oh okay if yeah if i got one that’s all you’re gonna say about that yeah that’s all i’m gonna say about that man you uh there’s a saying that you taught me called grinning like do you remember the saying because that’s what you’re doing right now yes what is it so that must that must mean i got one of them brownies well do you remember the saying grinning yeah what like a shit-eating dog i thought it was grinning like a possum eating [ __ ] that’s how i remember well maybe okay that’s two or three of them you’re grinning like a shit-eating dog oh man if you like if you keep doing as good a job as this i’m gonna take you to hawaii now i don’t they don’t have any red light districts but we’re gonna go to hawaii all right you gotta keep you gotta keep up this the quality you got to maintain this well i think if i tell nancy that she’s going to make sure i keep the quality up then i’ll tell you we’re going we’re going to go to hawaii we’re going to have a good time man we got to we got to leave them want more this is only episode one we can’t let all the cats out of the bag how you how do you want to end the episodes you know it’s like some closing thoughts maybe tell the listener something you know to make them feel like the episodes come to a close make them feel like they’re a part of something that’s just starting this could be an amazing weekly part of their lives every thursday well i said i want everybody that’s listening today to our first episode but this batch is from myrtle beach i’d rather be shagging 53 aol that all you all got to do just send me some more emails just see what we can talk about see if we can’t have a good time and if you want to come and go shagging we’ll go shagging and we’ll swing all the way around this town down here so you keep inviting people to visit you and i just that might be a little too much yeah okay maybe we just keep it uh in the in the world of the internet when where can they listen they can listen to um rather be shagging 53 aol.com that’s your email address they don’t listen oh yeah every time you say the name of the podcast you follow it up with your email address as if that dispatches from myrtle beach rather than 53 aol.com is the name of the podcast okay i’m i’m still learning it all right i think i got this all right hey man i i don’t want you to learn anything this is great i mean except maybe what a dick pic is yeah you did learn something yeah this is charles neal from dispatches from myrtle beach and we hope you listen each and every week and next thursday tune in and we’ll see what else we can get into and it may not be so x-rated next week just have a just listen in at dispatches from myrtle beach but it might be it might be and and what was your catchphrase that you came up with you said something about uh spin the world let’s just see if we can’t spin your world again next week all right you