EB 337: The Top 10 People We’re Jealous Of

Welcome to “Ear Biscuits,” the podcast where two lifelong friends talk about life for a long time. I’m Link. And I’m Rhet. This week at the round table of dim lighting, we are talking about 10 people that we are jealous of, each. Oh. So potentially 20, unless there’s crossover. There might be crossover. I don’t know. We don’t reveal these lists to each other. I don’t know your list, but I feel like we’re going to be jealous of the same people. There might be 100% crossover. What if that happened? People would be so jealous of us. Well, the reason I don’t think that’s gonna happen is because this wasn’t as easy… Or even though coming up with your favorite artists or your favorite albums or whatever is not easy; but there’s a narrow field, it’s like I’m choosing from albums. When you’re choosing from anyone that you can be jealous of, it’s like, well, there’s people… You can be jealous of people for all kinds of different reasons, as I think I tried to capture in the list. Yeah. When we did the top 10 inspirations, it kind of… As I started to think about it, momentum started to build and a loose ranking started to take form. With this, it’s more of like, “Well, I don’t know if this is good for my mental health,” but I think it is, just to put it out there, just to put out the jealousy and just kind of put it in its place. But then I started having trouble coming up with specific people and I’m like, “Wow, maybe I’m not that jealous,” but then I’m like, “You know what? I’m just not thinking of everybody. I bet Rhett’s gonna jog my memory and I’ma be like, ‘Man, I’m a jealous person.’” Well, I don’t see… I guess I didn’t take this as the negative side of jealousy, which obviously jealousy is not good in general, but people who have something, there’s some aspect of their lives that I would like to have in my life. Yeah. That’s how I went about this. I think it really hits home. There’s a couple on my list that like the sweet spot for me is I could see that it could be me or I want it to be me, and so there’s like actual jealousy of like, “Man, I’m…” Almost, “I’m envious of what this person is doing or is able to do because I feel like I should be in that person’s position.” Ooh. There’s a few of those. Well, I don’t think there’s anybody on my list that I actually feel like I could aspire to. All right. Well- And one qualifier, that we did discuss ahead of time, we didn’t put each other on each other’s list. Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because we could do a whole episode about things that we’re jealous of each other about. I’m not saying we’re going to, it might be a good episode idea. I think it is like an episode idea in the long list of episode ideas. Speaking of episode ideas, last week, boy, I had a fun time listening to those voicemails. ♪ 1-888- EARPOD1 ♪ Listen up, when you are listening to us right now and you have some sort of reaction, I want you to call that number and leave a verbal reaction. I would love to be able to put reactions to the episode at the end of episodes, if we get enough good ones, just like as kind of a closing credits thing. Reaction to the previous episode. To the previous… Yeah, to like- ‘Cause then that would be impossible. Yeah, the previous episode. I used to listen to a podcast called “Sound Opinions” a lot. I’ve fallen out of it. Sometimes I go back to it, depending on what albums they’re reviewing. But they do that at the end of their podcast, and I always like it. Oh, I love the voicemails. Yeah. And even the reactions to the previous episode montage at the end is specifically what I’m talking about. Yeah, yeah. I like that too. ♪ 1-888-EARPOD1 ♪ Now, in that episode, we pushed something we were gonna talk about at the beginning that I think you’ve totally forgotten about, but I remember, and I think we can make it into a whole episode as early as next week. You remember? I do. But then I thought we- We talked about the fight that we had instead of talking about the thing that you had on your laptop, which I don’t wanna reveal. But you think- Involving lyrics. Oh, you think we can make a whole episode out of lyrics? No, we didn’t tell people what it was, so I don’t want to give it away, but like- Okay. ‘Cause I thought we… There was two episode ideas in that. Oh. One was talking about… Which I’ll just go ahead and say this one ’cause we’re not gonna do it now. ‘Cause the story started with me, the fact that Shepherd is going to like a middle school dance and Locke is going to prom. Oh not that ’cause that’s old news. And I was like, “Well, we can’t do that now because everybody will have gone to their dances and their proms,” but- Until… So next year- We need to remember that. When we’re gearing up for dance season. ‘Cause I got lots of great dad advice about both of these events. We’ll have to hit that in the next dance season. Because Shepherd started asking me, he was like, “What was your middle school dance like?” and I said, “Oh, you’ve asked your dad a great question,” so- Which Led to you wanting to talk about the lyrics to a specific song that we were into at that age, that now- Which I played for him on the way into school. Now reading it back, it’s like… So I think that analysis of the lyrics that went over our heads as middle schoolers- Is a good idea for a whole episode. Is a fun episode. I agreed with that. Maybe as early as next week. Maybe as early as next week. Let us know. #EARBISCUITS. Let us know what lyrics from songs went over your head as a kid. I’m making this a prompt. Do it now. Oh gosh. And then maybe in the next episode- But probably not in the next episode. I don’t know how the timing works for recording. Probably not in the next episode. It’s true. But probably two episodes from now. Let’s get on our list, do you want to go first, of who you’re jealous of or you want me to go first? You go first. You wanna Rock Paper Scissors? You go first. I can hit you with a banger using the parlance of this person- And if somebody- As my first one. If somebody on your list is better than… I’m more jealous of somebody on your list, I have to choose somebody on my list to knock off, vice versa. Oh really? That would be fun, yeah. So the episode withers away. The ending of the episode dissolves because of the middle. No, we’ll still talk about all of them, but you know. Oh, but they’ll go off of the list. I wasn’t really precious about the order. And matter of fact, this is my number nine that I’m now making my number 10, ’cause I wanna hit you with this. Okay. This one’s real. This is one of those ones that I feel a little uncomfortable putting out there. Oh. And I’m just gonna do it. I am freaking jealous of MrBeast. Oh, okay. See? Yeah, I didn’t think about this. You know, freaking MrBeast, man. Now, I’ve had a one-on-one… I’ve had a personal phone conversation with Jimmy, you know? Did you tell him you were jealous of him? The person behind MrBeast. It’s been… I might have been a year ago. Well, yeah, it was definitely in pandemic times. And okay, you may be saying, “Well, why are you jealous of MrBeast?” Of course ’cause he’s like so… He’s popping. Because he’s on the cover of a “Rolling Stone.” That’s why. Dude got on the cover of a magazine that gets delivered to my house. I don’t want… You know… I like getting the “Rolling Stone” magazine. I mean, I’ve had this secret dream. What if… You know, it’s one of those iconic things to be on the cover of the “Rolling Stone,” there’s even a song about it, being on the cover of the “Rolling Stone.” And I don’t want another creator coming on a magazine in my home. That didn’t sound right. Yeah, I definitely don’t want that. I don’t want another creator showing up- Depending on the type of magazine, though- At my doorstep- That can happen. On a freaking magazine cover that I enjoy. Man, it just, it really brought something up inside of me; jealousy, like, “I wanna be on that cover.” You know what? You could be there too. But really, do you… But… I don’t think I have any business being there. Right. We don’t deserve to be on the cover. Yeah, but I never thought he did either. But he does. But then its, oh, it’s the creator issue. We’re not even in the conversation. And so here’s- So it’s like, yeah, I’m jealous. I agree that we- And does MrBeast deserve to be on the cover? This is not about MrBeast, this is about me. Well, okay. And Jimmy, if you think it’s about you, call me, you still have my number. And if I keep this up, I’m gonna have to call you and pre-apologize. Yeah, I’m trying to cut you off so you can quit digging your own hole. I thought about calling him and saying, “You know what? Congratulations,” or at least texting- It’s not working. “Congratulations on being on the cover of “Rolling Stone,” but I was too jealous to do it. So he definitely deserves to be on the cover of “Rolling Stone,” we do not. I can unequivocally say that. He might deserve to be on the cover “WIRED,” or something where they… Like, for “Rolling Stone” to all of a sudden have a creator issue is reaching anyway. If they’re doing a creator issue, then he deserves to be on the cover of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Swimming in money. So that’s what I’m saying. But we deserved to be in the creator issue, I think that. We’re just… We’re boring. We’re boring to people like “Rolling Stone.” We’re not… I mean- We gotta do something about this headphone placement. We’ve got that boring success, you know? We don’t have that flashy, swimming in money success. It’s like, I mean, we did something wrong, man. We should have been giving away money for years and making a big viral woo hoo about it. Do you want my honest opinion on this or do you want me to go along with the bit that you’re doing? My… I’m… You think this is a bit? I know you don’t actually feel as strongly as you’re acting right now. Okay. I mean, I don’t know, man. Because you and I both know that, yes… I mean, first of all, no one is getting excited about… I mean I’m not saying that we’re the victims of ageism, but no one’s getting it excited about a 44-year-old and 44… Well, soon to be 45 and 44-year-old dudes who make YouTube videos and been doing it for as long as we have. He is much flashier and more exciting, and he’s… I mean, just look at the traction that he gets on an individual video. It’s mind blowing. And yeah, it’s like I wish we could come up with an idea that would do that at this point in our career, but I wouldn’t trade our career to do it. I’m very proud of what we’ve accomplished in terms of the longevity of our career and the trajectory of our career, but I acknowledge that it’s not the kind of thing that should get you on the cover of “Rolling Stone” because it’s kind of a boring story. It would be like, “These guys on the cover of ‘Rolling Stone’ have a very successful digital media company that has been steadily growing for a decade.” Who cares? In terms of- Hold on. Let’s say at least 15 years. But I’m saying in terms of from the “Rolling Stone” level, person on the cover of “Rolling Stone,” you gotta be somebody that’s like, “This is sensational.” He, by definition, is a sensational… Everything that he does is sensational. And so name the person that’s been on the cover of “Rolling Stone” who wasn’t doing sensational things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So my question is: Do you really want to be on the cover of “Rolling Stone”? We are not a sensation, period. And you know what? That’s been a key to our success. Unsensational. But honestly, the moment the article was sent to me and it was like, “Hate to break it to you, but MrBeast is on the cover,” I read that thing. And the reason why I read it was to make myself feel better about it not being us. It’s like, “What about this piece on MrBeast can make me feel better about not being as sensational as him?” And I’m not gonna say how I reacted to certain parts of it. But yeah, it’s kind of like when I listen to John Mayer sing and he’s talking about how all just… he wishes he had a wife and kids. And I’m like, “Okay yeah, that’s good for me to hear ’cause I got that. I got something at your age that you don’t have.” Right. And he doesn’t have anything that we want. He has a full sleeve, and it’s like, I would like to have a full sleeve tattoo. He’s on my list list. Oh, oh, okay. He’s actually- We’ll get to that. He’s actually not on my list list. But I’m not done talking about MrBeast. I got another 10 minutes of jealousy that I just need to work out. Well, you should do that on like your side project. My side piece? Yeah. Yeah, I can move on. So you know what? I’m adding MrBeast to my list because I wasn’t thinking about any digital creators. It’s like I was sort of thinking about categories, and I didn’t think about that. But yeah, I am also jealous of him. You didn’t think about digital creators? Interesting. No. Okay. Interesting. I think actually this… The fact that I didn’t think about digital creators is an indication of the way that I think about jealousy and the way I think about… The of the people on my list that I aspire to, it’s things that I want. And I’m like, “I’ve got the digital creator thing going.” Yeah, I’m not on the cover of “Rolling Stone,” but I wasn’t thinking in that category at all. You know what we should do, though? Move on? I was telling Christy this. I think you’re gonna be into this. I just want to go ahead and put it out there. I’m gonna pitch this to you. Okay. I’ve kind of soft pitched this, but I don’t think you understood that I meant it. We could be sensational, and I have the way to do it. Oh no, no, no. I don’t wanna… No, no, no, no, no, no, no. And this is a horrible idea. About getting naked? I want us to pose nude in a magazine. Yeah, you can do that. Yeah, you can do that. Okay. Fine. It feels desperate. It depends on how it looks. I mean, Flula was on the cover of “Hustler.” Flula was on the cover of “Hustler,” and he looked great. And he didn’t look desperate, trust me. I would box you before I get naked. Nothing about that heinie looked desperate to me. Tell us more. I would box you before I would get naked. I didn’t get to see the inside of the magazine ’cause I didn’t purchase it. He didn’t show his, if that’s what you’re asking. Yeah, great. I don’t wanna show my wang either. Perfect. Okay, well, I’m not prepared to do that. Oh no, we’ll have to train for it. I think it’ll be a great way for us, personally, to really turn a corner. I’ll get naked with you in a magazine because I’ll have to train in order to be ready; but if I’m gonna train, I’m also going to fight you in a boxing ring. No, I’m not gonna. No, I wanna look pretty. I wanna look… I wanna look… We’ll take the photos before I beat the hell outta you. No. It’s all on the same day. The morning is the photo shoot and the night is the boxing match. Dude, I don’t even know. What is this freaking… Like Matt Watson got the crap beat out of him by… What’s his name? Nathan Barnatt. Nathan freaking Barnatt just went after the guy. They call him Dad now. We just know Nathan because we used to… We made videos back in the day with him. I mean, it was brutal. And first of all- I don’t know anything about the event. No one invited us. Oh, well, but now that we’re talking about it, they will. ‘Cause we’re not sensational enough. Yeah. Yeah. But here’s the thing- Maybe they think we’re above it. We’re not above anything. I’m taking it all back, I’m… For me, this is all a bit. I’m not going to box you. I’m not going to get naked because I just think it… I think it’s a sign of desperation. I’m not saying I won’t get there at some point, but I’m not ready to get there. I just think it will be fun. Like, Christy didn’t love the idea, but I’m gonna wear her down. Lando, he hated the idea. So I think it’s really like… I think Lando might need to be… He might need to graduate from high school before this happens. The last kid needs to be out of the house. Well, you’re just making it tougher and tougher on yourself. Right. Which makes it more sensational. Yeah. Okay, well we can consider it. When Lando graduates from high school, we’ll talk about it again. What’s your number 10? Ja Morant. Don’t know the guy/girl. I don’t know what… What? John Morant? Ja Ja? Morant. What is that? Well, what is that? Who is that, is a better question. He’s a NBA basketball player for the Memphis Grizzlies. And he is like- What? So I picked an athlete, and this is my number 10, because whenever I watch professional sports, I am jealous of the way that these guys can move their bodies and accomplish things physically that I would… my body would break in the process of doing it. And so just like… I mean, if you know, you know. You know what I’m saying? So now I’m not talking to Link, I’m talking to you. To watch this guy play basketball and to see- Can I take a bathroom break now? And to see him… I was like, “I’m gonna pick somebody from the NBA, who is it gonna be?” And then the most exciting, physically impressive, in terms of what he can… Like, he’s like 6’3″ but just flies over people and does all this stuff. And he’s young, he’s only been in the league like two years. So it’s like, “Oh, I’m gonna pick LeBron.” But no, LeBron’s old now. So it’s more of the athleticism than being a basketball player. You’re not jealous of being an NBA player, you’re jealous of his capabilities. I’ll take being an NBA player as well. It’s not necessarily a lifestyle that I aspire to. The specific thing that I am jealous of is just his ability to basically make it look like he’s doing magic. You know what I’m saying? Okay. So you got somebody like Steph Curry- But the way that this hits home, I think the way that it really is true jealousy is like you’re feeling the limitations of your own body. And I love to compete and I love sports, and I loved playing sports. But- This is real. I can’t play pickup basketball anymore because it’s like, “Ah, I might hurt my back,” or, “My shoulder a little bit messed up.” You know what I’m saying? So- Oh, there’s real pain here. I’m sorry. And so instead of picking somebody like Steph Curry, who’s obviously super exciting to watch, but like Steph just goes up and lays it in. Like, Ja Morant is doing Steph Curry type things but then he just keeps going to the basket and then jumps over somebody and dunks it. And I would just love to see what that feels like. You don’t think there’s any amount of training that you could do with the hope that physical therapy has given you with your shoulder that you could be able to play pickup basketball again? Not like Ja Morant. I know, but to- I could be like the- Isn’t there a way that you could at least play pickup basketball? I mean- Yeah, but it wouldn’t be fun. My papa’s brother- ‘Cause I would be like bracing the whole time- Played in a senior citizen basketball league back in North Carolina, they were state champions. He was a senior citizen state champion basketball player. He traveled the state playing basketball. I’m not interested in that. Okay. All right. Fine. If I’m gonna compete, I wanna compete at the highest level, not at the Y. Okay. No, I would be in to pickup basketball and I would be maybe doing it if I wouldn’t have to be like. When you have to play in a compromised state and you’re basically like, “You know, I would be good. You guys don’t know how good I would be. I would actually be contributing, but now I’m just kinda stand in there with my stomach flexed to protect my back.” Just say you’re posting up. Yeah. Right. See if you know, you know. I know. And now I know who that guy is. Check out Sporked, they have rankings that tell you what to get at the grocery store. Do you go to the grocery store? Do you wanna know what… I mean, do you need something to make going shopping at the grocery store more exciting? Well, go to Sporked- Or just more accurate. They can give you some things to get excited about that you can try because they’ve tried it all. And they’re adding stuff constantly to the site. I don’t know how many items get added in a week or a day, but literally they’re constantly tasting stuff. Whenever I see one of the Sporked people in the office, I’m like, “What you been tasting that day?” And they’ll be like, “Well, I just tried 25 mayonnaises, and-” It’s a beautiful thing. “I’m moving on to graham crackers.” You know, it’s like- It blows my mind that people can be critical of Sporked because it is a freaking service. I mean, it’s a freaking service. And there’s fun personalities that are contributing to it. You know, you’re gonna be critical of it? Well, we touched a nerve. Who you talking about? I mean, I don’t get it. Who’s critical of it? I don’t get it. Some fans are like… You feel like everything you put out, you need to be critical of it. It’s a tool that tells you, based on a group of people that we trust, including us, that say, “This is what you should buy at the grocery store.” And you find a way to complain about it? It’s like having somebody out in front of the grocery store who’s like, “Hey, here’s a list of the best stuff in the grocery store,” and you’re like, “Well, I don’t like your list.” Sporked.com. “I don’t like your font.” All right. Here is my number nine. I’m jealous of Lil Yachty. Oh yes. Lil Yachty, hip hop artist extraordinaire. I met the guy. Lincoln and I met him at the video game awards thing. You were there. You were not there. You were there. I met him. You were there. Yeah, you met him too. Yeah. Yeah. I didn’t understand- I didn’t know who he was at that time. I wish I understood more about like- I just knew he was a rapper. What an entertaining person he is, just even apart from his music career. He’s adventurous. Lil Yachty is adventurous. He signs up for cool stuff. And all of that is inspiring, the things on the internet that he shows up on.. Lil Yachty, come on “Good Mythical Morning.” Let’s do this. All that’s inspiring, but that doesn’t make me jealous. The thing that makes me jealous is that he’s onto Reese’s Puffs cereal. It’s a freaking Lil Yachty collab with Reese’s Puffs cereal. He’s on the front of it? It’s a special box. Have you got it? Lincoln has it? Yeah. Cut it out, hang it up. I’m freaking jealous of it. You gotta hold onto that kind of thing. Like I wanna… He has it displayed in his room. Oh, good, good. Unopened. I go in there sometimes at like 2:00 in the morning thinking, “If we’re outta cereal, I’ma eat that Reese Puffs cereal that he has on his shelf.” As long as you open the box carefully. And I go in there and Lincoln’s still awake. It’s like I keep staying up later and later hoping that he’ll go to sleep so that I can eat that Reese’s Puff cereal. And no matter how late I stay up, he’s always up later because he knows that I’m after that cereal. I just feel like… I feel like we should be on a cereal box. We should be on a cereal, man. It’s like- Yeah, I agree with this. Lil Yachty deserves it, but don’t… I mean, we have a morning show, people eat cereal and watch our show. I think it’s tougher to get two people on a box. Well- One of us has gotta take the front, one of us gotta the back. His face is not it at all. It’s just a collab that- It’s just his chest? It’s not… It says Lil Yachty on it but it doesn’t show his face on the front. What? I’m picturing him with a spoon. It’s not like Wheaties. That would be awesome. Yeah, I don’t know why they didn’t do that. But even that… So it’s at a level that I feel like we could do. Are we gonna have to make our own cereal in order to get on the box? Yeah, I’m sure that can be arranged. Yeah. Like back in 2008, we made our own freaking shoe just so we could collab on a shoe. Shout out to Tweak. Okay. What’s your number nine? See, I’m just tapping into the anger. Like yes, I’m playing it up- I find it interesting. I find your angle interesting. But no, it’s actually jealousy. I wasn’t expecting anger. Well, I’m just wondering if you’re going in more of an inspirational direction, like if you’re not really tapping into the hurt of jealousy. Well, take this. Number nine, Jason Momoa. Okay? Okay. Yeah. There you go. I mean, I should have put him higher, maybe. Yeah. Why is he number nine? Well, just because there’s a lot of people that I’m jealous of, and because the thing that I am jealous of Jason Momoa about is very superficial. It’s the way he looks, period. Now, first of all, he’s lived an exciting life. He gets to do… He’s got a cool job, being an actor. He’s always doing stuff that seems like he’s living an adventurous and fun life, he’s into cool stuff, so I guess I’m jealous of that. But the thing that I think about when I think about him is the fact that even when I roast myself, like in our TikTok where we went into the boardroom and found the other Rhett and Link who work here with us and I called myself a bargain bin Jason Momoa. And then even when I started growing out my hair… And Jessie obviously had a crush on Jason Momoa, and she’s been vocal about that, and that’s fine. I mean, that’s… Of course, right? I’m not surprised. But then when you start making a decision… My decision to grow out my hair wasn’t to look more like Jason Momoa, it was for all the reasons that I’ve explained. But then once you realize that that’s what’s happening in effect, then you start realizing how there’s just things about Jason Momoa that you will never actually achieve physically. I mean, obviously he has a jaw, a lower jaw, which is helpful; I don’t have one of those, necessarily. I mean, I could probably stick my head into a smaller hole to get something out than he can, if it comes to that. The old head through the whole retrieval advantage. If somebody’s gotta force their head into a small culvert to extract a baby with their mouth or something like that, then you’re probably gonna call on me instead of Momoa. No, I think they would just use their hand. And everybody’s hands are not functioning in this particular universe. But then when we were talking to Kimmy, who styles us for our public appearances on like “Fallon” and such, and then I find myself… You know, I guess I’m sort of, kind of doing like more of a Momoa thing, and then she brings back- Yeah, you have to say that out lout. And then she brings back her interpretation of, “Well, this is kind of..” So what I wore on “Fallon” is the most Momoa that I have been in public, right? And you just start realizing that you’re on this… Just like Mr. Bryant used to say, “I’ve never seen an asymptote touch its…” “I’ve never seen a function touch its asymptote.” “I’ve never seen a function touch its asymptote.” That’s our physics teacher in- And math teacher. High school. And so I feel like I am on a asymptotic function, trying to achieve Jason Momoa-ishness but never being capable of it. So it’s a little bit of a- Well, you imply that you get really close, though. Yeah. I mean- But it might be when you’re both 80. That’s true. Yeah. And you know… Okay, so now I’ve now I’ve heard from a second person, right? A second person? So some of our close friends, their daughter is an actor who was in a movie with him that I don’t know when it’s coming out, but they got to know him fairly well, right? Yeah. And so he has been shown my photo shoot that you did for me of me dressed up like him, and then also my Halloween costume of me dressed up like him, and so to the point now… And I’ve never met Jason. We were gonna be on “Fallon” at the same time, but it didn’t end up working out. But I’ve been told that the last time that our friend was with him on set, and he was talking to somebody else, he turned to her and said, “Hey, show him your friend that dresses up like me.” Oh yes. And so- Oh. And then I was at a party the other night- “That dresses up like me.” Yeah, that’s who I am to him. Your friend who dresses up like me. You’re becoming that to me too. Yeah. Yeah. And so- Our friend who up like Jason Momoa. I was at birthday party the other night that you were also invited to but you couldn’t go cause you were outta town. And I was talking to my friend at this party, and he has another connection to Momoa. He’s good friends with a guy that was directing or working with Jason. And so he saw what I had done on Instagram and he sends it to his friend and he is like, “Hey, send this to Jason. This is my friend.” And then the guy was like, “He’s already seen it.” He’s already seen it? Basically- Because he had told the director, “Look at this guy who dresses up like me”? He’s going around telling people- My impression is that he’s going around telling people that there’s a guy that dresses up like him, and I’m that guy. So he should be jealous of me. That’s like Jim Morrison in hiding saying, “Look at this band that covers all of our songs.” You know, it’s like… It’s just a weird thing. It’s just a weird thing. Shall we move on? Yeah, sure. I don’t need to rub your nose in it, you’re already- I’ve done that. You’ve already done that. My number eight is… It’s kind of a toss up. I’ma put these two together, okay? Because I was gonna put a street sweeper, and I’m talking about the occupation. Okay. It’s like, you see these Zamboni machines that go down residential streets and city streets? Yeah. It’s called street sweepers. I’m familiar with the street sweeper. It’s like a awesome machine- Now, growing up, we didn’t know about this. We didn’t know about it. So maybe if you live out in a country, you don’t know about it. I was walking Jasper this morning and we had an encounter with one of ’em, and I was like, “This is going on my list. I’m jealous of that pilot of that thing. I wish I was piloting a street Zamboni right now.” What was the look on his face? I didn’t see his or her face at all ’cause the street sweeper was going the other direction. But there’s so much power under… You’re sitting on so much power and you’re cleaning things, and there’s a route, and you’re alone, you can listen to whatever you want. And then I realized the reason why I’m jealous of this person is really because I’m jealous of people with big, nice yards. I just remember back from my summer job days of mowing grass, I miss mowing grass. I’m jealous of people who get to mow their grass. One day I want to go back to mowing grass, and I wanna get the nicest lawnmower on it that exists. There’s some of these lawnmowers, there’s big industrial ones that you can turn on a dime. Man, I’m so jealous of those people. I don’t wanna hurt this dream, but I’m just telling you that grass has really fallen outta fashion. It’s just, it’s not- Not here. I wouldn’t do it here in the drought stricken region. Yeah, so you’re gonna have to move. You’ve got to move to the South. No, I’m just gonna buy a big yard or maybe just rent someone’s yard, fly there where there’s like- You could buy a field in North Carolina. And just go there and mow it. And you’re just gonna mow it. I don’t want it to be a field, though. I like have obstacles and I like to have things to look at. We can install obstacles. It’s like tapping into my childhood. Really what we’re talking about, maybe it’s a… I’m using this term loosely, it’s a garden; not with other plants that need to be maintained ’cause you don’t sound like you’re into that, but maybe there’s sculptures. There’s things that you have to maneuver around. I wanna ride a big thing. No, no, no. You’re on a big thing, you’re mowing grass, but you said you wanted obstacles. I’m saying we could put fountains, sculptures. And so basically we’ve created a garden, like a sculpture garden. Or maybe, you know what? I think we just created a graveyard. I think- Yeah, I could do that. We just reverse engineered a graveyard. You need to find a graveyard in North Carolina that maybe once a year you can cut. I’m sure that can be arranged. Cause I’ll… Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you got there from street sweeper. ‘Cause it’s the same thing, I’m jealous of both of those occupations. And when I’m driving down the interstate and I see there’s like mower ahead signs, I’m like, “Oh yeah, here we go. Contain yourself, boy.” And then I look over there and they’re like… it’s a tractor that’s mowing, and then there’s this thing that comes down on the side. The extension arm. The extension arm, it’s like, “Man, I would just love to be able to mow down a embankment with that extension arm.” Well, you know, some things are easier to organize than others, and I think mowing is one of the easier things to organize. Until then, I’ll just be jealous. Okay. I’m gonna… My number eight is Mauro Morandi. I’m probably not saying that right. Let me tell you about- What’s that? Well, they’re all gonna be people, just so you know. Okay. Who is that? Mauro Morandi. So I’m gonna read about Mauro. Is this an inventor? No. Okay. An architect? Uh, no. Okay. This is what he looks like. An old dude with a white beard and the biggest bags under his eyes. Okay. I’m reading from a CNN article by Silvia Marchetti- Okay. From 2021. “For nearly 33 years he lived a hermit life on a beautiful island in the Mediterranean, where he was the sole inhabitant.” So the thing I am jealous about is the fact that he got to live alone for an extended period of time, okay? I’ve always had this idea of I would enjoy a hermit lifestyle. It’s obviously not practical at this point. I have established a family that I’m not going to abandon. Do you know what the grass is like on the island? I don’t know. I wanna tell you the rest of the story because it’s kind of fascinating. “Mauro Morandi, known as Italy’s Robinson Crusoe after developing a loyal online following, was caretaker of the Sardinian island of Budelli, embracing silence, solitude, and the peacefulness of nature while living in an old beach stone hut. There was no social buzz, no fancy food, no friends, his only companions were birds and cats.” I might change that to dogs, but… Birds and dogs? “He slept on a cot and had few clothes. Forsaking all comforts, he preached a monastic existence of self-reflection and meditation on Budelli’s pink beach dotted with coral dust.” So you can read more about his existence for 30-something years on this island, and also how he ended up there. Apparently there was like… I think he crashed there originally and then he just ended up staying there. But then the people who… The marine park authorities who basically… They wanted to a evict him to turn the aisle into an environmental observatory. So after years of them trying to get him to leave, he finally left. “After posting a pithy message of resignation: ‘My balls are broken,’” that’s what he said- Oh, poor guy Which is sling for “I’m fed up.” So he was 82 when he moved off of the island. Oh, poor guy. He’d been there 30 years? Yeah. But it says, “Moving home and starting a new life can be tough for anyone, even more so for an 82-year-old who has spent three decades living a solitary existence on a paradise island. Is it possible to move on and readjust?” I am not jealous of this guy at this point. “Says Morandi, the answer is an emphatic yes.” Once I get to the end, you’ll see why I’m jealous. “‘It’s never really over,’ Morandi tells CNN. ‘I’m the living proof that a second new life is possible. You can always start over all over again, even if you’re over 80, because there are other things you can experience, a totally different world.’ Proving his point, Morandi has apparently been thriving since moving back to civilization on the inhabited island of La Maddalena, not too far from Budelli.” La Maddalena is how you said- “‘I am happy and I have discovered the pleasure of living the good life and enjoying everyday comforts.’ Using his pension from his former life as a teacher, he’s bought himself an apartment with all the luxuries he lacked before. He’s been sharpening his skills as a communicator. After years of solitude, he’s now eager to talk to people, exchange views and post photos and comments on social networks to interact with the world. He’s also been writing his memoir.” So he is using social media in a healthy way? Yes. That’s not possible. So, okay, the thing I love about this guy is he had the hermit lifestyle for 30 years, right? Balls got broken. Balls got broken and he’s moved back to civilization and he’s enjoying. He goes on to talk about enjoying a bed, and enjoying a kitchen, and enjoying people. And so he’s going into his old age living a second life. So I’m jealous of this guy for two reasons, the hermit thing but also the fact that most people when they get into their 80s, they’re not beginning something new, they kind of… You feel like you’re in the sunset of your life, but he’s starting something new and experiencing a new perspective on life. And I’m like I don’t think I’m going to be able to arrange a long-term hermit situation, and I also think that it’s something that appeals to me but I would get very bored very quickly, so it’s probably not gonna happen. The best I’m gonna be able to do is, hey, a week long solo trip. But I think this guy is living his best life, and I’m jealous of him. I’m gonna put my number eight as related to this one, so I’m moving this around. I’m jealous, every time I see ’em and interact with them, of park rangers. And there’s like a similar thing. I don’t wanna be a hermit, I don’t wanna be alone. But if you go to like a beautiful park, think about going to Yosemite and you’re interacting with these park rangers… Now, you can get on like a crappy park and I think you gotta work your way up to the nice ones, like Zion or something. Yeah, I know some folks who got… Some Mythical Beasts who got placed at the Salton Sea. Oh. But I mean, there’s something to it. So I found myself being jealous of those people, but then I think it’s there’s probably a big downside. You just can’t go wherever you wanna go, you got duties. You’re a caretaker of the forest, you’re like an ant, you’re like a human ant. I like that idea. I’m jealous that I don’t have so much of a connection with nature that there’s a certain swath of nature that I’ve spent so much time in that I’m attuned to every little change associated with it. So I’m jealous of that connection that someone like a park ranger has with a swath of nature. Hmm. And maybe this is akin to the lawn mowing thing, too, “Oh, the grass is thicker at this time of year.” You can’t mow in a national park. There are certain places where… I’ve seen weed eaters in a national park. But not the native grasses. You can’t be cutting the native grasses. Can’t be cut. Yeah, you’re right. You’re right. But then I’m like, “Maybe I’m just jealous of one of those hikers that does the Appalachian Trail,” having the time to do that. So I’m trying to settle on where my jealousy really lies, and I don’t think it’s… I think it’s less of an occupation and more of a connection with nature. Well, I think that the hiking the Appalachian Trail, I mean, I still feel like we should do it at one point. I mean, it takes a long time. Not necessarily the whole thing. I mean, you’re talking about isolation, it’s like that could be an insult to the loved ones you live with. Oh, they understand. It’s like, “Okay, so you’re so jealous that you can’t get away from me, can’t get away from us.” But there is something… I was gonna say sexy but there’s nothing sexy about it. There’s something intriguing about it, adventurous. I mean, I’ve always had this secret dream to do something like, “Okay, yeah, I am gonna hike the Appalachian Trail this year.” Or the sailboat of it all is something that you love the idea. None of that is practical at this point not just because of relationships, but just position in life. It’s like, okay, we can’t do that. If we’re gonna do something like that, we have to be like… Well, we’re gonna make it look like we hiked the Appalachian Trail, and we’re gonna shoot it in a week, and it’s gonna be a YouTube video. You know? It’s like… But we should do… I mean, I think we should set a date in the future. And it should be like, “By this time, you have to have made plans to do something like that,” whether we do it together or… Because I just think that before you get too old, where you can’t do something adventurous… Like a lot of people do the shorter… They hike that trail in the… Is it the one that goes from… It’s in Spain, and it goes to a bunch of like- I don’t know that. Oh, I know what you’re talking about. Churches or something. It’s a famous quest that people go on. I mean, it does remind me that we do need to get solo trips on the books again. That’s gotta happen again. I keep trying to find that time. My number seven is not unrelated to what we’re talking about ’cause it’s Jared Diamond. So Jared Diamond is.. He wrote one of my favorite books, “Guns, Germs, and Steel,” right? So he’s basically… He’s also old, he’s 84. I’m just jealous of old… I’m not jealous of… I don’t wanna be 84 right now but I’m just jealous of how he got from where he was to how he got to 84 and what he’s done in between. So this guy has written “The Third Chimpanzee,” “Guns, Germs, and Steel,” “Collapse,” “The World Until Yesterday,” these sort of… They’re historical/scientific explorations of really interesting things. I mean, obviously he’s like a professor at the same time, but he’s just a guy who has traveled the world and been on places like Easter Island or New Guinea. He’s a bird watcher, which that’s not something that I necessarily aspire to, but his bird watching and his interest in… His ornithology, is that what you call it? Took him to… He would take trips to New Guinea to discover and observe birds. So just somebody who’s sort of like as close to a modern day Indiana Jones is kinda what I’m trying to find. He’s like an explorer/writer. Yeah. So, it’s- Like traveling in order to then find something out that then you can write about that a lot of people will read and be like, “Man, this guy really put it all together.” The travel and the adventure mixed with the knowledge that you’re getting and then synthesizing of the knowledge into a work, all those things are super intriguing to me. And so, you know… At this point in my life, I can be like, “Well, I can also travel, I can also watch birds,” but I’m not trained. If I’m gonna write a book, it’s gonna be like “The Book of Mythical.” It’s not gonna be- I actually think you wouldn’t write “Germs, Guns, and Steel,” I think it would be fiction but it would still be travel related, and you need to justify a lot of research. I think that could be like your swan song. Well, and I think that there’s something to… He’s done, a bunch of stuff and he’s obviously stayed really busy, but then it’d be like this particular quest resulted in this particular book, and it’s like: How many years of thinking about… ‘Cause “Collapse” is really, really cool, the 2005 book, and it uses the story of Easter Island and how Easter Island basically decimated their own population and their natural resources because of an ideology that they were following with putting the statues up. Huh. And he uses that as an analogy to talk about what we’re doing as a culture, with our commitment to consumerism and what the results of the impact on the environment will be. And so on this larger scale, we’re doing what they did; but it’s like: How much… I wanna go to Easter Island, but I don’t wanna go… He doesn’t go to Easter Island with a cool backpack he got off of Instagram so he can take pictures that he puts on Instagram, and that’s the end of it, which is what I would probably do, right? Like, “I took my film camera to Easter Island. I got some cool-ass film pictures of these statues. Here’s my carousel on Instagram. Isn’t this cool?” “Oh man, you got an eye for photography.” And that’s the end of it, right? It’s like, no, no. This guy goes there and he’s coming to conclusions about things and making statements about things and actually impacting the way that we’re moving forward as a civilization. He’s not just trying to get likes on Instagram. You know what I mean? I don’t, but I know that you do. I am jealous of Jared Diamond. He’s not going on my list, but I get that. I think that’s totally you. Now, this is one that I think we’ve talked about that if it’s not on your list, you’re gonna put it on there because we’ve had this discussion about being jealous of this duo: the Coen Brothers. Okay. We talk specifically about… First of all, they’re filmmakers. They have built their brand, their identity on their amazing films that they just say, “You know what?” And then we say things like, “Man, they conceptualize this film and then they just… they get in a room and they beat it out. And then there’s a couch in there and they’ll leave it… Some days they’ll just sleep on the couch and then wake up and keep writing and storyboarding, meticulously planning everything,” that everybody gives them full trust and creative freedom to just do their thing; and then every few years or so, another one comes out. And so that creative experience, especially in the world of film that was always this aspiration of ours that we have not achieved, is something that manifests as jealousy when you hear about their process. And I have somebody on my list later for the same exact reasons. Okay. But I think the film part of it, I’m jealous of that too. It’s like, oh, conceptualizing a world meticulously. That’s what I’m saying. I have another filmmaker for the same reason. I think that there is… It’s funny. We had that conversation with Matthew McConaughey on this show. Remember that? And we kind of went into getting his advice, which he likes to give advice, that’s kind of what “Greenlights” is all about. And then we were basically talking about our desire to create, like, “We feel like we’re being held back.” And then he said something like, “You don’t need to ask for permission.” And it’s like, yeah, I understand that, but unfortunately we still kind of are in a place where there is a certain level of permission that we have to receive, right? You think about when you wanna create things on a certain level… Sure, we can do whatever we want to on the internet within reason if we can mobilize our team to do it, but it has to be very economical in order for us to be able to pull it off, both in time in and money. And so I think the thing that you’re tapping into is somebody’s like, “Hey, here’s plenty of money to do something where we’re not gonna come back necessarily and say, ‘You can’t do that because of money.’” I’m not saying they get to do whatever they want to. They’re not spending like 500 million on their movies or whatever. They’re still making movies that are reasonable. But no one is coming along… Even what we did with “Inside Eats,” right? Proud of the show that we created, but we’re creating it for another audience in a lot of ways, we’re creating it for… it’s gotta work on Food Network, right? Whereas they’re just like, “I’m making a movie that’s just gonna work for anyone who wants to see the movie that we’re making. And we’re not getting permission from anybody creatively.” And you think about the buy-in they get. Any talent they want is clamoring to work with them, it’s an automatic yes. Give me your next one. Number six, John Mayer. I wanted to put a musician on the list. Okay. And I’m sure I could have… He’s not like the end-all-be-all I’m jealous of him in particular more so than anybody else, but I think that there is a… Like, I didn’t put Harry Styles on here because I’m actually not jealous. The thing about a guy like Harry Styles as somebody who is defining culture; if he wears something, it’s cool; it doesn’t matter what he does, it’s cool, it’s defining culture. And John Mayer’s not like that because he’s our age and he’s not making pop music anymore, but the way that he’s just kind of doing what he wants to do musically. Yeah. And also the fact that he’s so focused. So this is another thing about each person on this list. For me, one of the things I’m jealous of is people who have a focus. We don’t have a focus. We have like 12 jobs, right? But everybody on this list, they do this one thing really to really, really well. That’s why John Mayer can play the guitar like a complete badass because John Mayer has been playing the guitar since he was a teenager in his bedroom for hours and hours and hours on end. And my relationship with the guitar is when I have a song to write or something to figure out, I will play the guitar; but then weeks will pass when I don’t pick it up because there’s too many other things going on. So I think that somebody who has achieved something really admirable musically and is operating at a very, very high level musically, but also just making the music that they wanna make. So that’s a specific thing that- I get it. I’m not jealous of the fact that John Mayer has dated Katy Perry, Taylor Swift, fill in the blank. Jennifer Aniston. Jennifer Aniston. Yeah, let’s not… I have a policy of not bringing up his dating life as part of my fandom of John Mayer, period. Yeah. Like you said, he’s singing songs about wishing that he was with his old high school girlfriend, you know? Yeah, naming their third baby. Yeah. Right. I have a musician on my list for totally different reasons. Okay. Flea. I’m jealous of Flea, the bassist for the Red Hot Chili Peppers. I mean, how old is Flea? Give me- I’d say 58. Dude, give us a Google. A Google focused on? Flea. Oh, you’re not listening to our show. How old is Flea? How old is Flea? The reason why I’m jealous of Flea is because he’s- He’s 59. He’s 59 years old and he’s… The dude can move, like… I mean, second to Mick Jagger, it’s like this… I mean, this dude- Well, Mick Jagger’s like 30 years older than him. I know. But to make that statement about the dude can move- 20 years older. Is astonishing for Mick Jagger. I guess I will be jealous of Mick Jagger one day, but I’m not now. I’m jealous of Flea because I never learned to play an instrument, but the way that he plays… Yes, I can get by on some instruments for comedic effect but I never learned to play an instrument. And I chose him because he channels so much of himself. Yes, he’s an excellent, arguably the most famous… one of the rock bassists… One of the most famous basis, period. I love the bass guitar, I love what it does for music. But the way that he channels his entire body into his music and just feels it is something that I just… With my connection to music, the way that it’s… I just wish I could have it flow out of me like you see him do it. And I spared no expense for my Chili Peppers tickets when they come to L.A. Well, I think you can potentially- I’m excited. Is there any DJ that also has a bass? I’d have to learn the bass. I’m not prepared to learn the bass at this point in my life, honestly. But yeah, I mean, but you got a lot of time left. What I’m saying is it could be cool to play the bass as a… Like, you’re doing a DJ set- I’m pursuing the DJ thing, I can’t pursue the bass thing at the same time. But just the embodiment and to have music flow through you in that way that’s like second nature. Like, you’re not thinking about what you’re playing, you’re just thinking about what you wanna exude. And you’re so good at it, you’ve mastered it to the point where . That’s like.. That’s just… I’m jealous of that. I’ll never have that feeling. Well, that’s probably true. I have it in other ways- But what I’m saying is that- And I have experienced flow in a way that’s like I know enough of it to want it to go through a bass. But think about this, if you’re DJ-ing and it’s like all of a sudden the song comes on and it’s like, “Ah, man, that sounds good but there’s no bassline in that song. When is the bass gonna drop?” And you think that the bass is gonna drop within the song, but then DJ Link, or whatever your DJ name ends up being, pulls out a bass guitar. Yeah. You don’t even have to actually play it. That would be cool. Yeah, ’cause you can do a low cut filter. Make it look like you’re playing. You could take the bass out of anything that you’re playing and replace it with your own bassline. I’m just giving you ideas. It’s a great idea for somebody, maybe I’ll get there. My number five- It’s good to have goals. My number five is Jeff Goldblum. Okay. For a whole bunch of reasons. But I will say that I think that Jeff Goldblum, in his advanced age… And I’m just saying advanced age compared to us, he’s not like about to die. But being old but achieving iconic status where you can kind of say anything that you want and people are like, “Jeff Goldblum said that, or, “Jeff Gold…” Like, If we went to a party and somebody said, “Jeff Goldblum’s here,” it would… What would you think about that? We’d be like, “Well, who doesn’t like Jeff Goldblum?” I know. You know what I’m saying? So it’s not so much what Jeff Goldblum was able to accomplish to become Jeff Goldblum, which would be… Yeah, being a famous actor would be super fun, but that’s not specifically what I’m jealous of. You can be like, “Oh, look what Jeff Goldblum has on.” Look at Jeff Goldblum in that commercial that’s about apartments, but he just made Apartments.com cool because he’s Jeff Goldblum. All right. He’s on my list now. And yeah, you’re exactly right. For me, I’m just jealous of his vibe. What he’s done is he’s given himself over completely to his eccentricities. And there are times, talk about tapping into flow, that I feel like I can unabashedly give myself over to my eccentricities, and it feels good, but I don’t live in that place. I’m jealous that it seems that he lives in that place. But it isn’t as simple as that because he… Jeff Goldblum… And nothing against you, but most people can’t give themselves over to their eccentricities- You just you are or you aren’t, it’s not a decisional thing. No, no, no. Well, yeah to that. But most people can’t give themselves over to their eccentricities and still be broadly appealing to pretty much everybody. Do you know what I’m saying? He’s a weird dude but everyone likes his… is drawn to… I don’t know anybody who’s like, “I hate Jeff Goldblum.” You know what I’m saying? He’s got a magnetism. When Jeff Goldblum gets super weird and crazy and does something, it’s like it’s always endearing, it’s never annoying, it’s just like… That’s just so hard for people to do. It’s sort of a magic power that most people just don’t have. I don’t think there’s a version of me in the future that could achieve Jeff Goldblum status, it’s not in my DNA makeup to be- I think I could do it. See, that’s where I’m differing. I’m having a difference of opinion. Well, I don’t need your opinion. Because I think that it would appeal to a lot of people but there’s… You leaning into your eccentricities would not appeal to as many people as Jeff Goldblum does. Well, I’m already an acquired taste. I’m not for everybody. I’ve said that. How is he for everybody? There’s a phenomenon. There’s few people like that, that this is like you can’t hate on Jeff Goldblum. He behaves in a way that you would think would be polarizing, but it’s not. He’s kind of like Dolly Parton. It’s a bit of Dolly Parton. It is. There’s a similar thing. But in the magnetism in like: Who can hate on Dolly Parton? But it’s a totally different vibe. I’d love to see the two of them together. Because I also don’t get the impression that Jeff Goldblum- He’s a pianist. Is working as hard as Dolly Parton. Nah, he ain’t. Do you know what I’m saying? Dolly Parton is working hard. Wasn’t that like nine to five? I mean, what I’m saying. I mean- At least nine to five all the time. What a way to make a living. I mean, nine to five to me sounds kinda like banker’s hours, but- Dolly’s working way more than nine to five. Yeah. But I don’t think Goldblum is. Like, what’s Goldblum doing right now. He’s probably relaxing. Something that I would like to be with him for, whatever it is, I’m game. You know what? You know, a person I’m jealous of, it’s a group of people. When I’m mountain biking, I got this one route I do, it takes me two hours. I’m going up, up, up, only up for an hour and 20 minutes, and then like 30 minutes back down, give or take, the same route. But then you get overtaken by a couple of people and then you find yourself looking over your shoulder ’cause you don’t wanna be that guy who’s like you’re listening to something and then there’s somebody behind you forever and they’re trying to get by you and like judging how slow you’re going. So I get a little self-conscious. You learn when you turn a corner to give a little look just to make sure there’s not somebody back there. But then there’s sometimes when it’s like people get so… they’re in so much better shape that they’ll just find a way around even before I realize that they’re there ’cause they’re coming up on me so fast, and that’s a bit soul crushing. And it’s happening more and more. But the thing that I’m noticing is that, and I’ve learned to look and immediately identify, these people, it’s like, “This guy’s got 10 years on me. What the hell?” He’s on a e-bike. E-bikes are really taking over. E mountain bikes. So they’re battery driven- So you’re getting assistance to get up the hill? Yes. And a lot of people judge ’em for it. You know, I’ve learned to stop judging myself because I know where to look on the bike ’cause they… It’s small. The frame has a bigger part down there, that’s, “Okay, that’s where the motor is.” This guy’s just trucking.” I mean, they go up so fast it looks fun going up. Like, I’m jealous of these people having fun for that hour and a half that I’m just killing myself so that I can experience the reward of getting up there and the fun of coming down, but they’re having the fun going up and the fun coming down, and they don’t need a helicopter from your friend planning your perfect day. So you’re jealous of them because they- I’m jealous because I just can’t allow myself to go there. But I have decided I’m not gonna judge or hate on them anymore because it’s giving them access… I mean, they wouldn’t have the ability, I don’t think. You still have to do some work. No, not really. Yes, you have to pedal a little bit. But let me tell you, they’re not even breaking a sweat, man. It’s funny- You pedal, but no, not really. This explains why I saw… When Shepherd and I were hiking up a mountain recently on a fire road and we saw- Oh gosh. Trucking. Well, he was stopped. He was stopped and drinking water, but he was old. And I was like, “How the hell is this guy getting up this mountain?” He must have had an e-bike.” E-bike. Yeah. And there will come a day when I will get one of those. But I just can’t allow myself to do it now ’cause that’s what’s keeping me in shape, is not allowing myself to get one of those. Well, and you know what, you could get- But I’m jealous that they’re experiencing that, but- They also probably… You don’t have to use it the whole time if you have like a standard- Yes, but that… There’s no way. You’re sitting there trudging in granny gear knowing that you could zip right on up the mountain? No, it would never happen. It’s funny that we’re jealous of old people. Everybody on our list is old people, older than us. Give me another one. She is older. Marina O’Loughlin, no relation. Before this exercise, you did not know these people. Yeah, well- Like, you used this as an occasion to come up with people. Well, let me say why. She’s a food critic. Okay. And she’s number four on my list, if it gives you any idea of how important this is to me. Someone that you just Googled on the internet, but food critic is really what you’re going for. And the reason that I did not know about her… Well, first of all, it’s not like I’m up on the world of food critics. But also while she is a very accomplished food critic, she’s known for her anonymity. So she’s not like… When I started looking, I was like, “I wanna find a food critic on my list,” because I’ve always loved the idea of just being someone who gets paid to eat, which is, again, yes, I kind of do that already. Yeah, you do that already. But it’s not the same. I’m not eating at a fine dining establishment and then giving you my refined opinion on it. Well, don’t let the Mythical Kitchen hear that. And also, she has not positioned herself as a personality because she kinda talks about the fact that… These people who… If you look up food critics, most of them like, oh, and they have this TV show, and they have this show that they’re on, or they’re a judge on this thing. She’s kind of avoided that because she wants to maintain her… Even though you can find out what she looks like and people do know who she is, but she’s got anonymity when it comes to the restaurants, but she has anonymity when it comes to the public, which as a restaurant critic, you probably eat by yourself quite a bit. I’ve always been very resistant about eating in a restaurant by myself or going to a movie by myself because- Movie’s easier. I don’t think I’ve ever been to a restaurant alone. But like my wife went on a solo trip a couple years ago and she just went to restaurants by herself, you know? But I’m self-conscious of it because I’m like, “Well…” It’s fine if I just tell the waiter I’m here alone, but then there’s this part of me that’s like, “Yeah, but if you know who I am, then it’s like, ‘Oh right, he just eats by himself because he’s camp, he doesn’t have any friends.’” So you’re jealous of being able to eat alone without being judged for it? Well, that’s one aspect of it. But also if you just look at the articles that she writes, I think she’s with “The Times” in England. But she doesn’t just… She’ll go like, “I’m reviewing this hotel that has a restaurant. I’m reviewing the hotel and the restaurant,” and there’s this like posh hotel somewhere in Wales and she’s writing about it. So she gets to travel. To travel nice places, to stay in nice places, to eat nice food is a very appealing thing that I like to… I like to do those things. But do you like to redeem the travel by writing? I think you’re onto something here. You wanna travel with a purpose of writing. Second time it’s come up. And you wanna eat. There’s definitely something to… For me, when I experience something, I am compelled to write about it because it helps me to understand it better for myself. You know what I’m saying? It’s like when you have this experience and you’re like, “I’m gonna put this in my journal,” not so that somebody can necessarily read it but it helps me understand what happened to me and understand… And remember, I have this list in my Evernote which is like things I like, and I haven’t added to it for a long time but it’s just I wanna remember that this restaurant was good or I wanna remember that this place was a really fun place to go. There’s something about cataloging that that is important, but also it’s just the lifestyle. You know what you should do? You should commit yourself to being a Yelp writer. That’s a perfect journal, it can be anonymous, where you can have… I’m sure you can look at your own account and have a record of everywhere you’ve eaten and just a little something that you’ve said about it. Don’t write it… Don’t do it for other people; I mean, they’ll benefit from it; but maybe you’ll start to get notice because of your prose. I don’t know. Anonymously. Come on, man. Think about it. Don’t poo poo it. Don’t make the stink face. This is a good idea. I think that I want to write in a more- You want the cred. No, no, that’s not what… I mean, yeah, I do want cred, but that’s what I’m jealous about. But you could still get it. I mean, people get cred from writing Amazon reviews. It’s a different style. It’s a different style, though. You could be the first. It’s not experiential. Make it experiential. It’s like, “We had the Hawaiian shrimp combo.” No, there are more- “Everyone at my table ordered, so…” I don’t… It’s- No, there are people who write reviews in a different way. You could do it your way. You think there’s somebody who’s- And you have a record of everywhere that you’ve eaten, and it gives you… It’s like, “Well, I gotta eat somewhere else ’cause I gotta write about it- You think there’s somebody who wrote Yelp reviews- “They’re counting on me.” And then transitioned into full-time food critic? Is that what you want? No, I’m just saying that I just don’t think that bridge gets there. Is that what you want? No, but if I’m gonna write the reviews, I wanna be able to approach it as a food critic not as just a Yelper. It just feels like a distinctly different exercise. Well, that’s your only path. I mean, you need a portfolio. I think I’m just gonna keep eating at good restaurants and maybe start eating at them alone. I only have what? Two more? This one right here… Again, it’s another older person. Two more? I’m about… I just gave you my number four, so I have three more. Oh, maybe I’m cutting ones. This guy’s 49 years old, but he, ever since, like for decades, he has been a prolific music producer. And this one’s much more squarely inspirational than it is jealous. I actually don’t know exactly what I’m jealous of Pharrell about, but I think I can start to put my finger on it. The dude, for decades, has been creating music, producing music, showing up in all types of places; of course, with the Neptunes back in the day, but then… I mean, at his age, he’s still producing for the top artist on the planet. Like the new Kendrick album, he produced “Mr. Morale,” that’s the only song he produced on there. But to be on that album, which is like… You know, it’s like a treasure, a time capsule, it’s like this artistic expression is something that will always be referred to not just in hip hop, whether you go back and listen to it all the time or not, it’s just you can’t deny it. The fact that he’s working with Kendrick, he’s working with… And he’s singing the hook on the Pusha T album, which I really like. So it’s like… And he actually sang the hook on “Alright,” the Kendrick song from “To Pimp a Butterfly.” So he’s been around, he’s in the mix, and he’s getting older. First of all, he doesn’t- He doesn’t look 49. He look like a… I mean, he looks so young but he’s staying young. Again, I think this is more of an inspiration. But the thing that I’m jealous of is that he’s in the world with these musicians and artists that are the top of their game, he’s rubbing shoulders with them, he’s creating with them. So he’s not just a fly on the wall but he’s in the mix, and that’s just like… It’s a world that’s so fascinating to me, and I just love the idea of it. So I’m jealous that this guy gets to walk into a room and… If Prince were alive, he’d go up and talk to him, you know? He was in that Kanye documentary. Right. Like, in the early days of Kanye. Yeah. And there’s that scene where he recognizes Kanye’s talent, and he was like no one was expecting it at the time. Right. And he looked exactly the same as he does now. Yeah. It’s just so weird. Yeah. He’d be a cool guy to meet him. I have a music producer in my top three, but I he’s not my number three, so I’m gonna give you my number three. Well, just do ’em outta order. Okay. Well, I’ll give you my number two then. My number two is Rick Rubin. Oh yeah. Same thing. See, I got you to watch that Paul McCartney thing, ’cause you told me, the “3,2,1.” And also, even though he doesn’t actually cameo in it, in the second season of “Dave,” there’s like the Rick Rubin episode. I don’t remember that. Wasn’t that “Dave?” I think fell off. I didn’t finish Dave season two for some reason. Really? I gotta finish that. I think that’s the show that I saw it on. So what about him makes you jealous? Well, he has simultaneously achieved what you’re talking about Pharrell being able to achieve in terms of being very much in the mix of… it’s like on the cutting edge of culture for a very long time; but at the same time, his personal journey of spirituality and into meditation and also just physically what he looks like, he completely departed from the path of like, “I am trying to be cool in this way, and I dress cool and I…” It’s like Rick Rubin wears like a t-shirt and shorts and flip flops everywhere he goes, and obviously does not do anything to his hair or beard except just let it grow. Yeah. And- He’s a musical guru. Yeah. And I think he’s somewhat of a spiritual guru, right? Because he’s obviously got a high level of equanimity in his life through his practice of meditation, which my understanding is that it’s very advanced and developed. So he’s just a very calm and peaceful guy who seems to be… He’s gotten to a place where the things that bring him pleasure and fulfillment and joy, he’s parsed out his life in his older age to know that, like, “This is what I want to be doing, and I’m gonna focus exclusively on these things that bring me joy, and everything else is gonna just fall to the wayside, including what I look like.” You know what I’m saying? Now, obviously the net effect is he looks like a badass because he looks like he doesn’t care what he looks like. And he’s got this compound in Malibu and then he’s got another place in Hawaii, and artists just show up for him to work his magic. It’s like he’s like, “I’ve set up my life and now these people are gonna come to me.” Yeah, so his proximity to- His artists. Sort of culture defining things that keeps you kind of young and keeps you in the mix- But yet being totally separate from it at the same time. He’s the only person that I know or he’s the best example of a person who has achieved that; being in the world but not of the world, to use a biblical reference, right? So he’s very much in it, he’s completely in it, but then he lives what feels like- His outward appearance is like someone who’s living a monastic lifestyle. The idea of being 20, 30 years from now, I don’t know, he’s not that much older than us, but achieving that type of equanimity but still being involved in creating great art, I’m jealous of that. That. I don’t know what equanimity means. I’m trying to infer that. It just means basically a balance, like balance in your life: peace and joy and- So like life equilibrium? Yeah. Okay. Okay. It’s basically what you’re- You’re supposed to say, “I don’t know what equilibrium means.” It’s what you’re trying to achieve. It’s ultimately what every… When everybody says that they’re going after joy or happiness- Silent lucidity. What they’re really talking about is equanimity because you can’t be happy all the time, that’s not a state that you can just be in. You’re gonna have happiness, you’re gonna have sadness, you’re gonna have… You’re gonna experience the gamut of human emotions, but are you constantly kind of coming back to the center? Are you balanced? Okay. Do you have equanimity? Yes. Yeah, I do. Thank you. I didn’t know what it meant, but I totally am nailing that. Okay. So I took… I’m taking my dogs off my list. I was jealous of my dogs, but I’m taking them off the list to put whoever I put on the list because you told me to. Oh yeah. But I guess I gotta keep on my list, I’m jealous of people who don’t have to sleep a lot. But I’m more secure in being able to magically nap anywhere at any time as a superpower, so it kind of balances itself out. I’d love to be able to have both though. I’m a super sleeper and a super napper but I also wanna not ever need it. I don’t think those people really exist, though. Maybe they don’t. Yeah. And I like hearing that. I mean, I don’t know. They’re fooling themselves. They’re depriving themselves and they’ll die young. A lot of people have brought into question, I think I actually wrecked at one point, that book about sleep. It turns out that- You’re unwrecking the book now? Do it. I don’t know if I wrecked it and so I can’t unrwreck it. But if I did wreck it, I can say that there are certain things that the guy says in the book… It isn’t like it’s all made up and it’s not true, but there are some like manipulation of the data in a way to kind of like make his point. But one of the things that he talks about is that those people who say that, “Oh, I only need four hours of sleep,” that’s actually much more rare than probably not. They’re foolish. It’s like probably not. Actually you probably would be healthier if you were getting six to eight hours of sleep or seven to eight. By the way, the people who are literally full of then they got a problem too. You’re not jealous of them. No, no, no, no, no. I’ve been on a really good run lately. Yeah. So I don’t know, man. So do you have two left or one left? Two. Okay. So give me your two and I’ll give you my one. Well, how about I’ll give you one, then you do one, then I can give you… I go last. I think we might have same number- ‘Cause I only have one left. I think we might know they’re the same number one. I only have one left. Yeah, so I’ll do mine and then you do yours and then I’ll do mine. Exactly. But you said, “Give me your two.” I thought you wanted me to go two in a row. No, give me your two. I’ll give you my one, then you give me your one. Oh, I thought you said, “Give me your two,” like- I did say give your two. No, no, no. I thought you were like, “Give me your last two.” That’s what I heard you say. “Hey, give me both of your two so that I can wrap this up.” That’s what I interpreted that. You were saying, “Give me your number two.” Believe the best in me, man. I want you to have the grand finale. My number two was Rick Rubin. My number three is Jordan Peele. For the same reason- You already… He’s an inspiration. He made that list. Well, ’cause I’m jealous of him. Okay. For all kinds of reasons, for all the reasons that I talked about him being an inspiration before. Give me a different reason then. The Coen brothers thing, and that he has gotten to a place where he is exercising this creative control over these film projects and everyone is just like, “I can’t wait for the new Jordan Pele movie.” Nope. You know? Still waiting, getting ready. And also the fact that there’s a bit of a parallel career in that he was a… I’m not saying I wanna go and make movies by myself, but I’m saying the fact that he was in this comedic duo that you never expected either of the… “Oh yeah, it makes sense, they might go on to be actors,” but to become this master filmmaker who was sitting on this incredible skill this whole time. So the way that he has basically reshaped any and all expectations about him based on what he’s done in the past is something that I’m almost 100% sure that that’s not something that is gonna occur in my lifetime. As much as I like to achieve things and as much confidence as I have, I understand the extreme unlikeliness of like, oh, I’m gonna fart out some culture defining film that’s… You know what I’m saying? So it’s just like something that I’m always going to be jealous of, is the fact that he was able to pull that off. That’s inspirational and jealousy inducing. My number one. I can’t remember if you put this on your inspirational list, this guy, but I did not. My ranking is kind of arbitrary, but I think this is a good one to end on for me. Okay. I’m jealous of Bo Burnham because we came up together on the internet, you know? And so it’s like having a very similar starting point for him to be in this place where he’s not beholden to the internet in the way that we are. And when we saw him at that party and hadn’t talked to him in so many years and he was like… He was very nice. And he said something to the effect of, “You guys have made it work on the internet. You’ve made it work for you. And you’re still doing it.” I think he actually said something like, “You guys are a cultural institution,” just… I mean, ’cause I remember those… He’s super nice guy, super complimentary, but there was a part of me that was like, “Yeah, but like, man, I mean, it’s just a… We both know that it’s just a dumb internet show where we eat things every… We’re not doing ‘Inside’ on Netflix.” You know what I’m saying? My insecurity told me that I did not hear him say, “Man, I really respect you guys in terms of your comedic sensibility and comedic expression.” We have this thing where we want comedians that we respect to like the things that we create and not just be mesmerized by the fact that we were successful on a platform that they didn’t have the stomach for is how I felt like… I felt like that was what was in his compliment, was that like, “I didn’t want to keep playing the YouTube game. Kudos to you guys for doing that to an extreme.” His artistic expression in “Inside,” yeah, it makes me jealous because I feel like not only do we have a very similar starting point but we have similar capabilities and sensibilities. It’s just- Well, similar in that they kind of are geared in the same way but not to the degree, just in my opinion. Yes. Yeah. Okay. In other words, we ain’t talented as Bo Burnham, you know, so by long shot, but we like to do the same types of things that he does. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it makes it extra… It’s salt in the wound, so to speak, I must have just blocked this one out because he’s definitely on my list. And I would say that for all the reasons that you just said- Now you have to knock off your number one, so I get to finish. I’ll knock off the old guy who lived on the island. He’s off the island now. I think one of the things that I’m jealous with Bo Burnham and also my number one, which I’ll get to in a second, is the fact that we have not only created… the decisions that we’ve made in our career in order to remain relevant and successful and to build a company has involved quite a bit of giving of ourselves, not just our time but literally giving of ourselves. Words that come out of our mouths and go on the internet, there’s so much that we’re putting out there of ourselves; on this podcast, being vulnerable, right? And it was almost like when you take “Inside,” Bo Burnham hasn’t been saying anything on social media, he doesn’t say anything on Twitter, he doesn’t have a podcast, he’s not constantly talking about himself and what he thinks, right? But then he bottles all that up and puts it into this hour long special that is like, “This is what I’ve been thinking. These are my thoughts,” not given to you in this steady stream where you can’t escape me by going on the internet, but like, “If you wanna tune into this fire hydrant of expression and creativity and vulnerability, it’s in this special that I’ve been working on for this length of time. And now I’m working on this other thing, and you know what, you’ll be around for… And I don’t have to stay on your radar with every little piece of content that I put out.” I’m jealous of that. I’m jealous that somebody can be so prolific yet not have some so much volume in their output. Before you give your number one, do you think that this has been a positive experience for us to have this discussion? Like, I was more worked up at the beginning, you brow’s a little crinkled at this point. Do you feel like we’re getting things out there and that it’s cathartic or that it’s fomenting something? I think those are the same. So I think that if you have a frustration, by taking it out, looking at it and expressing it… I mean, this is what I do in therapy, right? I’m assuming this is what you do in therapy as well. If there’s something that is on your mind in this way, I think that it is only good to vocalize it and actually examine it. So ultimately, yes, very positive, but it may not be like, “Oh, this is gonna put me in a good mood right now,” but that’s not how I’m gonna judge whether or not it is a net positive. You know me, I get very creatively frustrated, right? Because of I’m extremely grateful for all the success and the things that work, but I’m also frustrated that we can’t just be like, “Let’s just create this aspirational thing,” and to be financed in the way that we want it to be financed, and just like, “Here’s this thing that we thought of and we spent all this time on.” But for me, that desire’s not gonna go away. When I think about this list of people, it isn’t like, “Oh man, I have regret about choices we’ve made,” I just think, “I’m still very young, I have a lot of life left. And the way that I’m going to position myself in the future is to get in the way of more of these things that I admire in these people,” right? You want to actually engineer your life in a way where you move towards the things that are inspiring. So it may be frustrating, but I think that that frustration is just us being honest about… I mean, I get tired of seeing myself on the internet, to be perfectly frank about it. You know what I’m saying? It’s just like, “I kind of wish I didn’t have to constantly be in multiple streams of content in order for this to work.” Bob Burnham doesn’t have to do that. Bob Burnham doesn’t have to make an internet video today to be talked about and to be appreciated. And you may say, “Well, you guys don’t have to either.” And I’m not saying that I’m burned out or anything like that. I’m just saying that I’m jealous of someone who can be like, “I’m gonna ball it all up and give it to you in this way.” That’s not our business model. Our business model is constant contact and content, and it works and people appreciate it, but I would be dishonest if I said, “Well, I’m jealous of the people who don’t have to do that,” which leads me to my number one, Donald Glover, for all the same reasons but I think even more so than Bo Burnham because- He does so many different things. He does so many different things. So you can be like, “I am going to become a musical artist. And I’m not just gonna be a good musical artist, I’m gonna be a great musical artist. And I’m not just gonna be a great musical artist, I’m gonna be a culture defining musical artist,” in a way that every person who’s doing only music aspires to is such a- Yeah, but then I’m gonna have this show that’s like an artistic expression. Yeah. And I’m gonna make choices on that show that are for him. Are you caught up? I’m not caught up on this season. I haven’t started. I’m waiting for the right time to hit it. And then everything that I just said, he doesn’t… “Oh, let’s go watch Donald Glover’s Instagram story today.” It doesn’t exist because it doesn’t need to. I mean, really, it’s really a question like: Would you do- I mean, first of all, neither one of us are very active on social media to begin… but our presence on social media is very high because the Mythical presence is very high. But if you never had to tweet again, you never had to put your opinion out about anything, you never had to say where you stood on this, you never had to be, “Here’s a picture of me doing this,” ever again, and you could just be like, “Here’s the thing that I wanted to create and you guys can watch it if you want to,” would you choose that? Well, I feel like the only thing… I don’t really tweet. I don’t really share much. I’ve kind of hit a lull. There’s been sometimes when I’ll get back into it, but the majority of the time I’m not into it so then I just feel guilty that I’m not doing enough from a professional standpoint. You’re right. So to me it’s about… Like, it’s an obligation that I’m not fulfilling, so it’s more about the feeling of not fulfilling it. So I don’t feel like I have to trade it. But in general, would at I trade… I don’t know. I feel like would I trade my experience right now for any of the people that I’m jealous of? And if you have to take a kitten caboodle, I wouldn’t. Yeah, I agree with that. I mean, I don’t know any of these people personally. You know? Yeah. Again, I do read things in the MrBeast profile piece, it’s like, okay, it’s like things about his existence are things that I’m not jealous of. It’s like when you get into the specifics. I don’t know Bo Burnham personally, I don’t know what his experience is, but like- But even his special came from a place of pain. Right. So, yeah. I completely agree- So it’s like I don’t want that. I’m not saying I want to be- And I’m like, “Man, I’m in a pretty nice spot and I’m pretty content.” I’m actually… I’m jealous of aspects of things, but if you can’t pick and choose then it’s like there’s no one that I would trade my life for. It’s like- I completely agree with that. As a matter of fact, I was telling Jessie about this. I know we’re getting long here, but who cares? I was telling her recently, I was like, and I was talking to my therapist about this too. I was like… I haven’t struggled with depression. There hasn’t been… I mean, I get depressed at times like anybody who gets sad or kind of gets down in the dumps or whatever, but I haven’t struggled with it like a diagnosable- Well, yeah, I wouldn’t call those things depression then, but yeah, go ahead. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I just was talking to ’em recently and I was like, “You know, I keep sort of… There’s been multiple times over the past couple of months where I’m just like, ‘I’m happy.’” You know? And I tend to not be a very satisfied person. I’m very, very driven, like to a maniacal point, and I get a lot of satisfaction out of coming up with something and then being… and then like, “I’m gonna go after that,” I’m geared to that. So there’s not a lot of time where I just stop and think, “Oh, I’m happy. I’ve got it really, really good.” But there’s just been a number of times recently where… And I don’t know if it’s with Locke getting ready to go to college and it’s like our family dynamic is about to change or whatever, but just kind of just recognizing that like: Man, if there is a universe, if there are really multiple worlds and there’s other versions of me out there who made other decisions at different points and ended up in different places, I just can’t imagine many of them being better than this. I recognize that how great everything has worked out. So I completely, by talking about my frustrations creatively and how I love the fact that Donald… I’m jealous of the fact that Donald Glover and Bo Burnham don’t have to have a social media presence because their creative presence is so overwhelmingly significant, I’m jealous of that, but I completely agree with you that I’m not saying I wanna trade places with anybody on the list. Yeah, I think that we have… I mean, we’re enjoying success. We’re at like a great point in our careers where there’s things… there’s the relationship with our fans and the relationships that we have with each other, all of it is kind of like we’re in a good spot personally and professionally. I think another part of it is, if you focus on the professional part, we do have a lot of freedom and power to say, “Okay, we can…” If there’s anything we want to go after or restructure, or anything that we wanna do, it’s like we have the ability to do that. Well, we don’t have the ability to do anything we wanna do and have… like to work with any actor we want or to get any film we want made or to stretch our legs creatively in any way possible, but compared to most people in an artistic field, we have so many more options and so much more power to orchestrate our lives. You know? And I think that that level of autonomy is a blessing. It’s not a guarantee to find ourselves in this position. Well, I think I’m very grateful for that. So in a sense, when you say, “Well, you could play a bass while DJ-ing,” it’s like it’s just a crazy thing to be able to say. And, yeah, it’s funny that you said it but it’s also true. It’s like we’re at a point in our lives where we do have the freedom to pursue things and we don’t really have to get too much buy-in for things that we would wanna go after. Yeah. You know? So it’s really on us. We don’t need to ask permission. We need to ask forgiveness. Well, you know, in an effort to wrap it up. I think that the way I’ve been sort of framing it, and this is with the help of my therapist, is if you’re a busy person, and most people are busy, you kind of have to ask yourself, “Am I putting life giving things onto my plate or life taking things onto my plate? And am I taking life taking things off of my plate and then putting life giving things on it?” And you know, as an individual, what those things are, right? Because even in a profession like ours, in which it’s like, hey, it feels like it’s all fun and games to an extent because we do this… we’re ridiculously lucky and fortunate to have the jobs that we have and to be able to do the things that we do, but even we can still make decisions to put a bunch of life taking things on our plate, the things that don’t bring us joy, the things that seem obligatory, things that don’t get us into creative flow, whatever those things might be. And so I think going through a list like this, to me, the things that I identified with in the majority of these people is what I would envision being a life giving thing to me, right? So it’s a way to kind of evaluate… All right, again, we’re still very, very young, and like you said, there’s so much opportunity and there’s so much freedom, but what kind of decisions are you gonna make? Are you gonna make decisions that are fear based, that are designed to fulfill some obligation that you put on yourself or an obligation that you think exists out there from someone, or are fans or whatever, or are you gonna make decisions to do things that give you life and joy and turn you into Rick Rubin in 20 years? Right? Like, what’s your version of a satisfied old man full of equanimity? If you haven’t listened to the Kendrick album, I mean, it is about his personal journey, a lot of it through therapy. And at the very end, you hear him say, “I chose me, I’m sorry. I chose me.” That’s the hook. “I chose me, I’m sorry.” I mean, there’s a lot going on there and I don’t fully understand all of it, but yeah, it’s like… There’s also some Eckhart Tolle in there, so you should check that out. Elon Musk was on the list. I didn’t mean to make the- I have listened to it. I’ve listened through one time. I mean, I recommend it but that’s- That’s not your rec? That’s lame to make a Kendrick Lamar album your recommendation. Just do it. Just do it, man. No, my recommendation is: Do not share socks with your children. Okay. All right. You know? Nuff said. I mean, if you haven’t started yet… If you think to yourself like, “Yeah, but we kind of like we wear the same socks,” do not let it begin, okay? The only thing in my life right now- Have you gotten a fungus on your foot? It has nothing to do with fungus. It has to do with the availability of socks. Because when you are all taking socks from Dad’s drawer, because you Locke and you Shepherd do not… They have to do their own laundry in our house, that’s how it works. Oh. Mm-hmm. Which means laundry doesn’t get done, their laundry doesn’t get done. And so somewhere in their room there’s an abyss of socks, most of them mine. And so I hate it, I hate that I do this, I go on the internet and I buy more socks instead of making them wash their clothes, which, I mean, I don’t know, man, it’s just brought… The only thing in my life right now that’s not making me happy is this sock situation, and I feel like it’s all my fault. And so now the only thing I’m gonna do is I’m gonna buy more socks and I’m gonna create… The drawer in my room that they currently use is gonna be the dummy drawer, they’re not gonna listen to this episode, and that’s where they’re gonna get their socks, which will run out very soon. I’m creating a new spot that I’m not gonna tell them about where I actually keep my socks. Oh, yeah. Okay. You don’t wanna be the dad that has to do this, so just don’t begin sharing socks. Your life sucks, man. ♪ 188-EARPOD1 ♪ Next week. #EARBISCUITS. To watch more “Ear Biscuits” click on the playlist on the right. To watch the previous episode of “Ear Biscuits,” click on the playlist to the left. 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