Welcome to Good Mythical Morn. Many of the things that you are familiar with related to weddings have an origin story that is made up. Is that true? Well, it’s false, but then if it is true, we’ll learn it. If it’s false, we’ll say, “Ah, banquet of lies.” “Banquet of lies.” But first, we’re donating $1,000 to the Michael J. Fox Foundation for Parkinson’s Research to aid in their mission to find a cure for Parkinson’s disease, through an aggressively funded research agenda and to ensure the development of improved therapies for those living with Parkinson’s today. Please join us in giving at http://www.michaeljfox.org/donate. Donate. Were you making a paddle joke or do you think that that’s what the paddle says? Yeah. Yeah. Me? I thought he said banquet of lies, is that what he said? Yep. Instead of bouquet of lies. Yeah. I can’t remember the last time I made a joke- Banquet of lies. That’d be a good movie. I thought it said banquet. Okay. You really explained it so perfectly. So I don’t know why I’m doing it but I’m gonna give you an origin of a wedding tradition and we either made up the origin or it’s true. And let me tell you just glancing around there’s some really interesting and horrific origins for things. So I think you’re gonna have a tough time with this one. Okay. All right. Okay. The best man was originally responsible for keeping the bride from escaping the wedding. And in some cases kidnapping her so she could attend the wedding even if her family disapproved. Man, so in both those scenarios the bride is like is under lock and key. It’s just either they don’t want to get married or they do but they’re not allowed to. That’s sad. Well, I’m just thinking if that was still the tradition- Best man. In the south, you often choose your father to be your best man. So people would be like, “What Link wasn’t your best man? You weren’t Link’s best man?” Of course not. No. Our dads were our best man. I didn’t know that. Yeah. It’s pretty common in the south. I thought like brother, you know, sibling. My brother was up there, but my best man was my dad. I was also up there. If I was relying on the best man to restrain Jessie I dunno if I would’ve chosen my dad. I dunno if I would’ve chosen you either. Oh no. I’da kept her there. I mean, she definitely wanted to hightail it out of there. I’m trying to think of like, who was the most like physically capable groomsman that I had. Probably my brother. He could beat you up. No, I think I could beat your brother up. Let’s do a boxing match. Me and your brother? Rhett’s brother versus Link. It’s like what? I’m gonna say this is true. I think it’s true. I don’t think it’s a banquet of lies if that’s what you’re asking. Yeah, it’s true. And best wasn’t short for the groom’s best friend. Rather it was intended to mean the strongest and most capable man for the job. See what you’re saying. That’s what I was saying, man. So we’re tied there. Who was the most physically capable member of your wedding party? Well, we both had groomsman and then we had ushers. Am I including the ushers? Because you know Chris, he had muscles. Chris. Yeah. He was an usher though. I don’t think. Yeah. If you had to pick a groomsman Probably my dad, he’d get angry. At the time maybe. 20 years ago, your dad could still probably do quite a lot of damage. I mean he’s- You were the tallest. He’s an older guy now though. You looked pretty scrawny. I’m talking about back then, man. But listen, back then I was wiry. Wiry but fiery. And didn’t have a bunch of like bad joints and stuff. I think I’d be pretty- You look like you could just like kind of push on your shoulder and then you’d topple backwards, you know? Yeah. You were pretty top-heavy, man. Especially with that hair, now. You talking about now? No. I’m talking about back then you look like super, super- Skinny. Super skinny. Yeah. Yeah. But I was strong, Stevie. I was strong. Were you strong enough to carry the bride over the threshold? ‘Cause, that is our next tradition. That’s like after the wedding, right? Yeah. You’re talking about like going into like the consummation chapel? I thought I was like going into your home together. What do you call the- Yeah. What’s the thing on the bachelor? The suite? Fantasy suite. Fantasy suite. Yeah. Once you go across the fantasy suite you have to have sex. That’s the thing that you sign with- No, you don’t. Oh, the network. Yeah. You sign a contract with the network. You entered the fantasy suite. So carrying the bride. Carrying the bride over the threshold stems from Henry VIII’s marriage to his third wife Jane Seymour who legend had has it- Medicine woman. Floated off the ground during the ceremony while Henry’s first two wives were both beheaded. Jane gave Henry a son and escaped the ax. So grooms began floating their brides over the thresholds of their homes to capture some of Jane’s good fortune. Not quite interesting enough to be made up. No offense, if it was made up. Maybe they were luring us into believing it. That’s why I’m gonna say bouquet of lies. I think it’s real, man. It’s false. Yes. The truth is it was considered unladylike for the bride to willingly want to leave her father’s home. Oh. Thus the groom was tasked with picking her up and forcing her over the threshold. That’s healthy. That’s healthy. This gets better and better for women. Doesn’t it? A lot of chauvinistic stuff. In the past. Yeah. You know what? You earned the right for me to vow. Oh yeah. To say thanks to me. I want to read my vows to you. I’ve written my own vows. Oh. Yeah. For my wedding, I also wrote my own vows. I’m afraid to go back and read them. Let’s watch the video then. I know I meant it. And like my commitment is stronger than ever to my lovely Christy but I’m just afraid that it’s a bit cringey. Well, listen, you were not a good Evangelical Christian in the early two thousands if you weren’t writing your own vows, you had to do that. You couldn’t just rely on something in some book somewhere. Yeah. I mean, it was sweet. It’s sweet to write your own vows. We said like the traditional vows and our own vows. You wrote your own vows too, right? Oh, yes I did. Yeah. I mean, ’cause it’s nice because that’s the one thing that like Christy wrote her own vows and like, you know, I didn’t know what she was gonna say. You know? It was actually like she could have said anything. Were you disappointed? It worked. I was very happy. I don’t remember hers. Yeah. Or mine. I mean, I heard ’em once and then our video was, the guy filming our wedding, the camera was off. Yeah. It’s like the battery ran dead. Yeah. ‘Cause he was like a family friend. He wasn’t a professional. Yeah. You sit there. You’re filming the whole thing. And it’s like, I don’t know how, maybe it was the tape ran out because it was like literal tape. Well, if the tape ran out then you would’ve gotten some of it. You got just people walking in. Yep. That’s the best part. Got people walking in and he just kept filming ’cause the camera, yeah, so the battery didn’t run out but the tape ran out and he was like just watching the wedding through a camera that was not recording because the tape ran out. Awesome. Can you read my vows? Oh. Your vows to me. Oh yeah. That’s what we’re here for. Of course, I have written these. Yeah. Of course. Yeah. Rhett, I promise to love and cherish you even when you crush my dreams by mounting a massive comeback against me in front of millions of viewers. Huh. That’s sweet. I don’t think you mounted a comeback today though. You always kind of beat me. I was down. You were down for a round. Third round. Whether it be a morsel of mayo or a chicken wing I promise to always let you know when there’s food in your beard. Oh. Which is quite often. I usually let you know, because I don’t wanna look at it. You know, Link, I know you took the time to write these vows. I have two more vows. Because you lost. But you know, I didn’t know for a fact that I was gonna win. So I wrote my own vows just in case. And I just feel like this is so one-sided. I should- Okay. I should let you know that I vow to never be caught dead in a piece of fan fiction that doesn’t include you as my lover. You’re not vowing that, but you would have. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Give me another one that you would’ve vowed. I promise to entrust you with something sharper than a plastic spoon before I die. To do what? I promise to entrust you- Entrust me? With something sharper. Oh. Than a plastic spoon before I die. Great. You gonna gimme something sharp? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I promise if I’m ever asked about your chin, I’ll lie with all my heart as if it were an ugly newborn. I don’t quite understand what I wrote. I think I know what you mean. You know what I mean though, right? Yeah, yeah. All right. It’s the thought that counts. I never said I was good at writing vows. Engagement rings are placed on what we now know as the ring finger because it was believed that the fourth finger on your hand contained a vein that led directly to the heart. Right. But back in the day they used to be placed directly on the penis Contain a vein that goes from that finger to your heart? Like how would that even, why would you even think that? Eh, that’s wild. If it wasn’t real, if it was a banquet of lies. I think it’s a banquet of lies. That is, yeah. You going to the banquet of lies later? It’s fake. It’s true. Really? Dang it. But I mean, no. There’s not always a main vein running from your finger to your heart. Yeah. They thought that but obviously, that’s not true. You don’t know it’s true. Could be true. They’re all connected. They are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you have you a dissection of a cadaver? I have not. Thank you for calling me out. I mean, what’s the origin of the phrase, pull my ring finger? See that makes your heart skip a beat. Pull it. It makes your heart skip a beat. No, it makes you fart. Do you always present the ring finger when it’s pull finger? No. I present the index finger. That’s the fart one. That’s the fart finger. That one makes you fart. Pull my finger. Pull my wedding finger makes you heart skip a beat. That’s how they knew that. All right. Just wanna reiterate, you got a beans T-shirt a while back. That’s why I get a peanut butter T-shirt now. Right. And this week is my birthday week. So we’re gonna have some special sales at http://www.mythical.com. So check that out. All right. You think if you a dart- A limited time. If you threw a dart at me I could catch it with this paddle and it would just? Yeah, let’s try. I’ll throw a dart at you Maybe later. Okay. This one is interesting. The tradition of bridesmaids wearing the same dress was instituted to confuse the bride’s exes as well as any evil spirits that might be in attendance as to which woman was the bride as a means of protecting her from both groups. No. But they don’t wear the same dress as the bride. That’s what I don’t get. That makes me think that it is real. and it’s just like a confusing tradition. No, this is a lie. Doesn’t make sense. Yeah. I mean, I kind of gave it away that it’s true and it doesn’t make sense. Oh. It says in Roman times the bridesmaids would also protect the bride by forming a human shield around her as she walked to the groom’s village. God, this is depressing. That’s weird. I just thought it was like, you know, “We’re all gonna dress the same. ‘Cause it’s just no good reason.” Out of support. Yeah, just outta support, you know. All right, that’s interesting. Have you ever been to one of those weddings where all the bridesmaids had like iterations of the same dress? I went to one where it was like- That makes sense. They were all wearing the same color, but it was like iterations. Different body shapes. It was like NFTs of different dresses. That makes sense. Because you know, it’s hard to pick a dress that everybody’s gonna wear. You know, it’s like- Yeah. ‘Cause you know, you want it different body shapes. You wanna have something that you’re comfortable in. Yeah. The notion that it’s bad luck to see the bride before the wedding originated with arranged marriages, the brides and grooms were intentionally kept apart until the last minute merely so they wouldn’t have enough time to call off the marriage upon seeing each other for the first time. This could be real. That’s a really good reason. This could be real. ‘Cause I mean, what else could it be? You’re not seeing ’em beforehand so that, I can’t come up with another reason, you know, just the surprise of it. You know, it makes it more fun. I think it’s a banquet of lies though. No, I think this is real. In spite of everything I just said. Can’t come up with anything better than just funsies. It’s true. Yes. And finally- And that makes sense. The honeymoon. Oh yeah. Why is it called the honeymoon? The tradition of a postnuptial getaway began as a means for the husband to hide his new wife from her tribe for about a month, so that said tribe wouldn’t be able to find her and intervene in their union. Man. It kind of makes sense. They used to be kind of different, huh? Like things used to be kind of different. Things used to be so different, man. Like, I think worse. I think things have gotten better. So you’d take ’em away so that you could consummate the marriage. Yeah, this makes sense. I think this is real. Well, just so you could hide ’em. Yeah. I think this is a wedding ding, ding but just because I think, I don’t know what the score is, but I think I’m behind. I think my only chance to maybe tie is to say it’s a banquet of lies. I’m feeling this. Yeah, it’s true. Yes, yes. Yeah. I’ve been married. That’s why I went on a honeymoon. 22 years. And I didn’t tell my wife’s parents or her village where we were going. I was like, “Definitely not going to Cancun. Definitely not going there.” Man. If I had to do my wedding over again I would have so much more fun. Man, maybe we should renew our vows. I’ve been thinking about it Just for the party of it Just for the party of it. Of course, we could have a party anyway. Just have a party for no reason. You know what? Just have a party. Just have a party. The fun never ends when you’re wearing the peanut butter T, available now at http://www.mythical.com.