Welcome to Good Mythical More. I’ve been given a knife, and now Lily’s gonna teach me how to do some stuff with it. But first… Ya know. I’m gonna put it down for now, it’s okay. We’re going to tell you a developing news story, beginning with the following sentence. This just in, they call her the queen of quiche, But her secret ingredient will shock you. That’s right, there are no eggs in the quiche. What’s actually in there is wishes from middle-aged men. It’s… right? That’s what I’m getting. Right, that is what we’re hearing. The queen of quiche… Yes? bakes with the wishes of middle-aged men. You ought to hear what they sound like when they’re into the pot. What do they sound like? Kinda like marbles. They sound like marbles. Going into the pot. Uh-huh, but they’re just wishes of middle-aged men. Which, are not limited to, but can include… “I wish I was younger.” “I wish I didn’t have hair growing there.” “I wish I was more attractive.” “I wish everyone wasn’t laughing at me.” “I wish I hadn’t gone to law school.” Okay. This is a wonderful knife. Lily, come on in here and tell me about it. Look at what’s on the knife. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Rule number, only rule, anything you do with a knife happens on your side. You know what I’m gonna do? I’m only gonna do what Lily tells me to do with a knife. The knife is like $10 from Walmart, so it’s not super fancy, but it’s sharp, and that’s the most important thing with cutting. All right. Okay. Cheap knife, huh? Time and Table is a Walmart knife? Yep. Hmm. So it’s like really sharp but it doesn’t hold up? Is that what’s going on with the low price? Yeah, you have to sharpen it more, but I mean, you can keep any knife sharp if you take care of it. Okay. Lily, tell us… tell Link what to do and I’ll just come along for the ride. Get rid of that. Okay. The wishes of middle-aged men. Oh, look at this. You’ve got a whole thing that’s coming up here. Yeah, so it’s gonna be a little more difficult for you guys because you’re sitting. So, usually you’d want to- That’s right. We’re actually gonna start with chiffonade. Oh, what is this, a basil? This is basil. Mm-hm. Mm. We have the basil here. I love it. You usually can stack a bunch of them together. And then you roll it up. Roll it up? You roll it up. You roll it up? Like this. Oh, nice. Chiffonade, is that a food? It’s the knife cut. Or is that… You roll it the long way or the short? Yeah, top to bottom. Okay. All right, so you- Nice and tight. Make kind of like a- Yeah, that’s nice. You know, a chrysalis. And then do you know how to hold the knife? Well, I usually just pick it up. You can pinch it like up here with your thumb. Mm-hm. Yeah, there you go. And then you have more control. Okay. And then for this one, we’re gonna do like a rocking motion like that. So, you can kind of practice on your cutting board. Oh. We did a video on the Rhett and Link channel years ago, a vlog where I learned how to cut an onion. An onion. Like Rachael Ray? Oh, what? Yeah, I did my research. You know about this? Yeah. Were you impressed? Uh, sure. I didn’t do this. It doesn’t seem like it. They were a little uneven. Okay, so now you’re just gonna rock your knife and try to get nice thin slices like this. The thing that I did learn was that I use this part of my hand. I use the knuckles, so that I don’t- Yes. like take the finger off. You’re pushing, you’re pushing. You let the knife do the work. You don’t want to…yeah, that’s good. Hmm. Hmm. Okay. Yeah, that’s not bad. Chiffonade. Chiffonade. Now you know how to chiffonade. Why is he chiffing so much? I feel like you’re sawing. Yeah, that’s… It’s a rock, bro. It’s a rock. You’re not shredding, you’re trying to create individual slices. See? You can like push it forward. You wanna chiff, man. I thought you learned how to do the onion? Why are you going so fast? You did your research. Okay, yeah. I mean, I think it needs work, but we can move on to the next vegetable. So… Were you not watching what she did? Well yeah, now I’m doing it. She would do like one and then she would move over and then do another one so you get these nice even long pieces that are of equal sides. Can I like wrap my arm around you and just like show you? Yeah, please, he needs a hug. Well, yeah, that’s fine. Like, if you just… so pinch it up here, and then you’re gonna come like- Oh yeah, I’m not even doing that. And then like… Oh. Ah. It’s a little too late. Is this a chiff? Is this a chiffonade? That’s great. It’s a little thick. A little thick. I like it thick, Lily. Yeah, okay. I mean, it’s what you want. It’s what you want. So, for the next one, I have these bench scrapers here, or pastry cards. Oh, I love these. They’re really nice for cleanup. Oh, I need one of these? You want a clean station. And so you can just scoop it up and put it in that bain-marie in the middle of you. What’d you call that? Bain-marie. Bain-marie? Bain-marie, that’s right. Bain-marie? Bain-marie. You mean that jug? Oh, okay. Yeah, it’s a one quart bain-marie. Now we’re gonna go back to onion, but you’re gonna learn a different knife cut. Not the Rachael Ray? Yeah, we did the Rachel. Oh, you’ve already cut the root on this one. I cut it, I peeled it for you. Dang. So we’re just gonna slice it. If you can see the grains here and how it’s like it is? Uh-huh. I see how it is. If you go against the grain, you can make like nice onion rings. Yes. But this time we’re gonna cut it in half. So give it a nice slice in half. Just like so. Just like so. Okay. Lay it flat on the cutting board. Just like so. Just like so. And then you’re gonna go with the grain, Oh my. across the onion. So you’re gonna start from here, and then you’re gonna kind of turn your knife and do nice thin slices. What? Against the grain.. what? So, with the grain? What you said was with the grain? With the grain. How do you do it so fast, Lily? And it’s gonna give you a nice crunchy onion rather than like a tender onion. Am I doing it right? With the grain? Yeah, that looks good. With the grain. With the grain. Hmm, okay. Hmm. Well, give me direction. Well, I did. She did. I gave you a whole tutorial. Did you not watch her? No, you gave me instruction. I gave you a tutorial. And then this is you, just like chopping away. You gave me instruction but you didn’t give me direction. Okay. I mean, do you want me to hold you again? Yeah, hold him. Hold me again. This one you can kind of push your knife forward and down. Nope. Push it forward and then down at the same time. Yeah, okay. And what do you call this? And you can let your knuckles go up against it. Yep. I learned that before. But you see how like… but you’re not doing it. And then you can control the size of the onions with your knuckles. You’re really on the knuckle. You’re on the knuckle. Yeah, you’re not gonna cut yourself. [Off-Camera Person 1] Well… Yeah, I mean. Could you make it where I could cut Rhett? I think it would make it better for me. What? You want to cut Rhett? No, I want to be able to cut Rhett, but I won’t, of course. Oh, um… If Rhett had a finger over here, I’m sure I’d be doing better. Yeah. The knuckle thing is still a little bit scary to me. I like the knuckle thing. Those are nice and thin. You want to start slow and then you can work your way up. Those are a little thick. That one needs a little work. Now, see what I’m doing now is this. Yep. Okay, next. I mean, we’re gonna be here for like an hour. Oh, you want me to go fast? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. But yeah, your knuckles aren’t protecting your fingers. Whoa, see that back thumb was getting too close, bro. That back thumb, you’re about to cut it right off. You gotta bend that thumb too. It’s like a rhythm. It’s like music. Rhythm. Yeah. It’s a rhythm. So what do you call what we just did? Sliced onions. That’s a slice. That’s no fun. And this right here… Mm-hm, that’s ready. This looks like cheese, which is awesome. [Off-Camera Person 2] Which is awesome. So what would be the application for an onion that slice? I love a french onion soup. Ooh. Yeah. It’s nice for french onion soup. Ah, yes. So we’ll put those away. This is what every chef is scared of when they start- When did you learn this stuff? In culinary school. Okay. Yeah. So you weren’t like, it wasn’t like grade school or anything? No. Did you have an Easy-Bake Oven? I did have an Easy-Bake Oven. Hmm. Okay, your trash is getting a little full. Yeah, we need a bigger- I’ll empty it for you. What is this thing called? A blimeaide? What is it called? A pastry card? No, this thing? Bain-marie. Bain-marie. Is that toilet paper? It’s a paper towel. A damp paper towel. Yeah, chives are like chefs talk about chives a lot. There’s a lot of inside jokes about chives being too thick. That sounds hilarious. Yeah, it’s pretty funny. Like when you go into a restaurant and you don’t like the way it feels and you’re like, yeah, the chives are not good here. Yeah. Is that what… I’m looking at the chives. Who cut the chives that day. So you want to go, you want to take these little… So yeah, you can cut off the ends right there and get rid of those just to make it even. And then the same thing that you learned in the last thing is you really want your knuckles to be here. And this one you kind of have to do fast, but just leave your knife on the cutting board and you won’t cut yourself. And you’re just rocking? And you’re just rocking it. How big are you going here? I’m going as like thin as possible. As thin as possible. Like thinner than your chiffonade. I just… If you get little tails like this, you can cut them off. The knuckle thing is scary, scary. Scary, Lily. It looks like I’m about to shave my knuckle right off. I know, I know. I’m just feeling a little… where’s the danger, you know? I mean… okay. And do you push it? So you want them thin like this. Do they look like that? Nope, not even close. They’re about to. Not even close. Let me get rid of this. I’m about to wow you. I can do this. Do I have to do the knuckle thing? I mean, if you want them thin like this. God. But they’re getting better and better. That’s not bad. What about when people on TV just are like… Yeah. If they don’t do that, that’s not real? I mean, they do because they’re using their knuckles. That’s just the movies? No, it’s real. Maybe… Okay. Yeah, those are nice. See. See, bring the potato over. It looks like you’re performing surgery. Mm-hm, mm-hm, mm-hm. I really don’t have any muscle memory- How do you hold it and do the knuckle thing? See like, once I do the knuckles, then it’s like I let go of it. You know what I’m saying? Like, I wanna like hold it. You kind of move your fingers down as you cut them. Then they start spreading out. See? Yeah. You have to move fast with this one because otherwise they look like, yeah. You just pointed at what I did like it was bad. Yeah. All right, moving on. Some people like big chives. What you think, girl? I think I can give you- You think I’m getting it? Ha ha. I wouldn’t serve… All right. This is a disgrace. Come on, this is a little chef humor. You know, it’s like, You’d be kicked out of culinary school. Look at the chives, he chopped the toilet paper. I’m trying to be serious here and actually teach you something. Listen, I’m trying to be a good student. Listen, I’ve learned that your humor is dry. It’s just who I am. I understand. Okay, so next we’re going to julienne a carrot. That’s pretty though, look at that. Yeah, I mean- It’s better than what you did. You did some good chives. You didn’t even look at mine. Nope, didn’t. Now, is your significant other- I’m so hungry now. is he good at this stuff? No, I yell at him all the time. Does he cook at all? He cooks breakfast. He cooks eggs. Do you respect him less because he’s not good at it? No, I think there’s like too many cooks in the kitchen, if he was a chef. Okay. Like how bad is he on a scale of Rhett to Link? Probably more Link. Ha ha, yeah. Well, okay. You don’t him to be good that the thing you’re good at. You’re good at it. Yeah, he’s good at Excel sheets. Okay, so we’re gonna julienne a carrot. Oh, I’ve always wanted to do this. Okay, so you’re gonna cut it in half. Long ways? Uh, yes…no, short ways. The other way, sorry. Just in half? In half. What about this? Yeah, that’s a thing that some people do. Why not? Sure. Okay. And then you’re gonna like square it off, so it’s a rectangle. Ooh, ooh, ooh, that’s cray. That’s cray-cray. Ooh, look at that. I’ve heard of this. What is this called again? You’re just squaring it off. And then we’re gonna make planks with this. It’s called a squarrot. Ha, ha, ha. See, we’re really good with the chef jokes. See, it’s a carrot in a square, a squarrot. Did you get it? Mm-hm, mm-hm. Because it’s like, square is a square and then a carrot and you put them together, there’s a crossover in the middle, right? Because you would start by saying square, Right. then how do you make square in a carrot? You add a -rot to it. It’s a squarrot. I like eating carrots because it’s like grounding for me. Mm-hm. I get that too. I get that too. That’s a good joke too, because a carrot is a root. You see? Hold on, you didn’t know you made that joke? Not really. I think we’re behind. I sincerely meant what I said, I wasn’t making it joke. “I love carrots, they’re very grounding.” That’s good, you can use that later. I think we’re behind schedule, we’ll just keep going. So, what am I doing now? So, we’re gonna make planks. Do you see how thin this is? It’s not too thin, it’s not too thick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Just make a couple of them. This is to like put through your pita, I mean your hummus. No, it would be- Be that in your pita. You could put it in like soups. It’s more of like showing off your knife cuts. If you left it like this, maybe for your hummus. I’m pushing so hard. You show off knife cuts? Yeah, like garnishes. Stuff where you don’t do a rough chop- Look at that. How do I do the last one? Shoo, that’s nice. Okay, that’s good. So we’re just gonna do one. Usually, you would stack them up and do a bunch. Look at that. Well, which one’s the best? I’m doing pretty good with this. So grab one of them. Yep. And then you’re just gonna thinly slice them. Oh, the other way? Yep. Wow, you’re making like little teeny tiny carrots. And this is called julienne? Julienne. Julianne or julienne? J-U-L-I-E-N-N-E. Hmm. Okay. I’m doing, I’m doing this, y’all. Hmm. That wasn’t a good thing. I’ll tell you. You’re gonna be a horrible mother. That’s too far. That’s messed up. All right, I feel bad. I shouldn’t have said that, but I’m just giving you a little feedback. That’s a little hard love. You gotta do better than that. But I’m not your mother. That’s right. Okay, like that? But I need you to be. Yeah, that’s good. And then what do I do? What do I do, Mommy? Lily, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. Well, I meant part of it. But the part that hurt, I didn’t mean. Okay, I’m just trying to teach you something. I want you to grow up and be a bright young boy. Okay. I think you’ll be a great mother if that’s what you want to be. She’s trying to teach you things, man. Well, I want to work here forever. No time for kids. I feel that. Okay, we’re doing one more knife cut. Oh, we’re done with that? Yeah. That’s julienne? They’re actually pretty good. That was the best ones- These are pretty good. that you guys did. They are pretty good. If you could have carrot up like this and then you eat it, you’ll feel like you’ve eaten a lot of carrots, but you probably only eat a carrot. Right. You know what I’m saying? But if you eat a basket of tortillas- Oh, yeah. Of tortilla chips, you’ve eaten five tortillas. And and who would do that? You. Oh, there’s a potato here now. This is a potato. Yep. Yep. So, same thing here, we’re gonna make the planks like we did last time. Square it off. Square it off. Ooh, man, what? You can kind of- It gets a little stuck. pull your knife. Mine’s stuck, look at that. Yeah, it has water. It’s completely stuck. They have a suction quality. A suction, oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. That’s a potato property. Look at that. Okay. This looks like the mega tater. Remember that? Yep. We made a commercial one time- Good gosh. For a giant french fry- It’s hard to cut. from Hardee’s. It was fake. We were making fun of the way everything was getting bigger at Hardee’s. I feel like I’m gaining confidence, Mom. Good for you, son. Do we make the edges flat too? So you want to get here. It’s okay if it’s not perfect. Well, it’s clearly not gonna be perfect, but… Like that? One of these? Yeah, that’s great. What about that? You can stop there, okay. So now you’re gonna kind of do the julienne, a little bit thicker though. So you end up like this. Okay, we’re making fries. It looks like a french fry. Are we doing it for fries? No, we’re gonna keep cutting it after this. But this is how we would make fries? Yeah. And then you can dice it, and just go along here and make nice little squares. I feel like this is kind of like a zen garden type thing. Just little cubes? Yeah. Wow. Are we making hash browns? Look at this. Mine are smaller. Nice and square. Like this. Uh-huh. Let me do this now. Let me turn this, this way. Is that what you did? Look at those little square. Yeah, turn it that way. You give it a 90? Look at the squares. They’re good. They are square. Cubes. What happened? Why you going so slow? Because. Ooh, you’re making trapezoids, man. They’re a little long. You want to make a perfect cube, look at that. And then what do you do with this? You can put it…I keep saying put it in soups. Put it in soups. You can put it in soups. You can saute them. I would love this sauteed, Yeah. because all the surface area that you would create. Breakfast potatoes. Oh, breakfast potatoes, yes. Go a little bit thicker. How often do you cut yourself at work or at home? Not often, honestly. I burn myself more than I cut myself. Yep, look at that. I feel like I should do more cutting. You should. Look at that. And I want the onions in here. You add a little onion, add a little carrot. Soup? Got a hand soup right here. Yeah. Yeah. Just put your whole hand down in the- You’re well on your way, Link. Thanks, Mom. Sorry for talking back so much. Mm-hm. Lily, you’re gonna make a great mom. Thanks. But you don’t have to. I mean, really, I don’t know why we’re even talking about that. This was just a knife lesson. Who made mom part of it? Me. Head to sporked.com and check out their new ranking of what’s new in Halloween candy.