This is “Dispatches from Myrtle Beach” with Charles Neal and my son, Link. And how you doing son? Oh, you didn’t say from “Good Mythical Morning.” Yeah, we’re done with that. Oh yeah. We’re done with that. I’m doing good, Dad. I like the little jingle, the little jingle in the bells today. Yeah. Yes. It’s the holidays, and we done been through part of ’em. So now we got to get through Christmas, so. Gotta get through Christmas, and I can’t help but notice that you seem very elvish. Yeah, I’m going to be, I’m trying to be your elf today, and you didn’t dress up. My sexy elf? Yeah, yeah, your sexy, and all the Myrtle Beasts’ sexy elf too. Yeah, that’s right. Okay. Yeah, I didn’t get the memo. I’m sorry I didn’t dress up like an elf or I don’t know who you would. Santa Claus or whoever, but that’s fine. Sorry. Yeah. Wow, It’s a, that thing is, it’s kind of low slung there, Dad. This? I know I’ve seen a picture of it, but now I’m seeing it like Yeah, it’s. like live. And does it go all the way down to your belly button? No, it don’t go quite that far. But it goes. He is wearing a velour elf costume, and I don’t wanna see the bottom part because I know that’s where, that just looks like you’re wearing underwear. I didn’t wear them. I just got regular pants on. So you don’t have to worry about that. Good. Good. Well, I’m noticing a couple of other things. Two, you try, what are you trying to do with this beard of yours? What do you, I know you saw me over Thanksgiving. We’ll give everybody a recap on that, but it seems like you’re trying to take a cue from me with your beard. Yeah, I just thought, you know, Christy said that she really liked your beard, Yeah. and she, and I told Nancy, of course, I ain’t, let’s see, what has it been? It ain’t been quite two weeks. Yeah. But I told Nancy, I said, I believe I’m, before we do the podcast, I’m not gonna shave anymore. See if I can catch up with Link. I don’t believe I quite caught up. You, you didn’t, ’cause mine kept going too, Dad. Oh yeah. But hey, yours has got a lot more little dark spots in it. It looks like mine is just gonna be just white. Yours is totally gray. Gray or white, whatever. I’m telling you, maybe I, I might be a good Santa Claus when this is all over with, with this, with the way mine is. I know. I’m kind of surprised that it’s, and I mean, first of all, every time around this time of year, I let my beard grow out a little bit. I just wanna see what the salt and pepper proportions are. Yeah. And I would say that what do you think the percentage of silver is in my beard? It’s the majority. Oh yeah. Except for yours, it’s about the same except for your mustache and the Yeah. little bit. But all this scruff down here. Everything on you is salt. There’s not much pepper. Yeah. Yeah, it is. Hey, and it used to, when I did it, it was salt and then it had a red tint to it, had some red in it. Really? And I don’t see no red going on now. So, I don’t know. But you have less gray at the top of your head than me. Definitely. Yeah. That’s why, hey, that’s what people give me hell about when I grow a beard and it’s all this white and gray and everything, they tell me, they say, “See, I know you’ve been putting something on your hair. You got to be coloring it ’cause your beard is white and your hair is still black with just a little bit Right. of gray or white in it. So, I catch up the country with it because I don’t put nothing on my hair. It’s just what the good Lord given. He doesn’t put anything on his hair, y’all. You need to lay off. Yeah. I mean, when is the last time you grew your beard out? I cannot remember seeing you with a full beard. You know what? It’s probably been 30 years since I grew a beard. Yeah? I think I grew one, one time for like, maybe a week. And I saw that it was doing all this. And I said, the heck with this, that thing’s got to go. Yeah. You know what I’m saying? So. I mean, I feel like I look a lot older with it. And I gotta say, I think you do too. That’s why, yeah. I can’t really tell if the, what the elf outfit is doing for it ’cause I’m seeing it like all together. But like. But hey, it matches all these hairs down here too. Yeah, in your chest. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because they white and gray too. So, you know. What does Nancy think about it now that she’s seen it? Well, she liked it. She said, after it’d been on for about a week, maybe a little bit less, she said, “I think it’ll be all right.” But we gonna have to wait and see how it keeps going. I don’t know, Dad. I think you kinda look a little haggard. At this point, it’s, and I don’t mean the Country legend either. You know what I’m saying? But hey, I hadn’t noticed it before, but it kind of matches my eyebrows too, don’t it? Yeah, it does. Your eyebrows have gotten gray. Mine are getting grayer too. But like with my glasses, my glasses tend to cover up my eyebrows to the point where you can’t notice that they’re getting a little lighter. Getting a little lighter. Yeah. Are you sick? That’s the other thing I’m noticing. You got a little bit of a sniffle. Yeah. Got this sinus stuff. Yeah. I didn’t work one day, Monday. I just didn’t feel like it. Well, that’s your, good, good. You know, who’s the boss? You get to decide, right? Yeah, that’s right. That would be correct. And I did decide, but. Well, take it easy. I want you to get to feeling better. Yeah. But I’m glad you could still do this. Now, we gotta talk about Thanksgiving, right? We gotta give people the updates. Oh yeah. So let, can I just start and say, You just go ahead. this idea that I am gonna take full credit for. Full credit for. You’ve given, you told me it was my idea. That’s right. But, and I’ll give you credit in a minute. Thanksgiving, But this was, when it comes to Thanksgiving, I think this was the grandest idea I have ever had, is getting you to make just a mess of ribs. I’m talking, I showed up at Nana’s house, and I looked over there on the side of the house, and he had that cooker backed up. This, a kind of cooker that’s so big, you gotta pull it behind your truck. This is a pig cooker. And then I go up there, I give you a hug, and then I see the smoke billowing outta that thing. And after a couple minutes, you opened it up, and it was packed from end to end, top to bottom. You even had a couple of extra slabs of ribs that were like double stacked ’cause they wouldn’t fit. You had this thing over capacity, smoking these pork ribs, shoo-ey. And I was like, the turkeys can have the day off. The turkeys can have the year off. The turkeys can just forget about it because this is where it’s at. And it was, how long do you cook these ribs? I started ’em in, I started them at 10:30 in the morning. And I took ’em, started cutting ’em apart and putting them in the thing at 3:30. So that was Low and slow, baby. 11:30, 12:30, 1:30, 2:30, five hours, cooked them five hours. And I was like, well, are they gonna be overcooked? Is it gonna be right? I should never have even questioned you, Dad. ‘Cause everybody’s lining up. And it was, it was, it was perfection. I mean, I don’t know what, what’s the secret? It was just absolutely perfection. Well, I mean, I cooked them on, I cooked them on about 250 degrees and cooked them two and a half hours on one side and then flipped them over and didn’t mess with ’em again and cooked them about two and a half more hours and just, just let ’em cook real slow. But what’s the prep for it? Like, what did you do? How did you, did you do anything special to prep the rib? Like you, you take the, Oh, yeah. like that, you strip off the backing of the rib, right? Yep. Whatever that like, I call it like saran wrap. It’s hard to pull off. Yeah. You gotta pull that off. But yet, but you know, you can tell the people I didn’t just cook like the rib part. I cooked the whole rib that you get that it’s got the tenderloin piece in the middle of it. Yeah. I mean, it’s a whole rack of ribs. But I take, and I tell people this, I just take salt and pepper and light brown sugar and some cayenne pepper and mix it all up in a bag and it ain’t got a whole lot of cayenne pepper in it. But I mixed a big bag up. And then that morning when I took the back off the ribs and washed them and cleaned them up, then I dried ’em up and put that rub all over ’em and put ’em on the grill. Christy was like taking video of you chopping collards too. Oh yeah, I got, She was all over it baby. made up all the collards outta my garden and cooked them. It was a good alternative Thanksgiving, and it was just, turkey is such a loser. Like, this was such a winner. Thank you for doing that. ‘Cause I know that like the time investment, like even, I mean, we came back by the next, a few days later, two days later, when we were gonna fly back home. We just wanted to say, see Nana one more time. You were still there packing up stuff. Yeah, come back and meet my grill So much stuff. So much stuff to get. Like, I mean, so it was, you know, it was no, people appreciate how good something tastes, but if you don’t put all the work into it, it’s hard to know how much work goes into it. And I just want to tell you that like, I appreciate it. It was, it was totally worth it. So I had the best idea and you had the best execution and that makes us the best duo in the history of Thanksgiving. Oh yeah. And they, I think they was 27 people that was there that felt the same way. And that is by far the biggest Thanksgiving we’ve ever had, you know? Yeah. I mean, once you kind of took the reins and then like, Nancy sent out the text to like this huge group. I was like, “Whoa. We got a crowd showing up.” ‘Cause Nancy’s family showed up, her daughters, and you know, their partners and kids and, as well as like our side of the family. And of course, Mom was there too. Mom, yeah. Yeah. So yeah, 27 people. There was even a guy there, like one of the boyfriends of one of the daughters of, it’s like, it almost felt like a family reunion. Like, I was like, now who are you related to? But there was the one guy who was a, he was a bucking bull rider. Yeah. Yeah. Not a bucking bronco, but he was a bull rider, and he was talking about how he had recently like broken his back. And he was just walking around, waiting for a rib. Young guy. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. Had you talked to this guy? You know who I’m talking about? I think I had met him maybe one time. That was Taylor’s boyfriend, Carl’s daughter’s boyfriend. So I was interrogating him about his rodeo days, which are still going even though he’s been stomped on by cattle. So thank you Dad. That was a Thanksgiving to remember. I think if it’s not next year, next time we’re doing Thanksgiving, we’ll have to come back around to it, you know? We can’t forget how good of a time we had. Oh yeah. So how’s, how have things been since then? What, what, give us, give me the rest of the dispatch. What’s new? You know, the holidays are here, but I’m not going anywhere. But this is our last full episode of the year. But we’ll still be releasing many dispatches until we’re back with a full episode on January the ninth. This is our last one of the year. But you got some mini ones coming in. All right. Because I got to get ready to go to Aruba. What? For Christmas. You gonna be in Aruba for Christmas? The ninth through the 16th. You with the same friends? Well, Pat and Diane’s going back with us, but Bill and Jane’s going with us. So we got six of us going this year. You gonna up the ante? You gonna party harder? What y’all going to do? Well, we going to have to throw down, hey. Anything goes in Aruba? It’s all inclusive and just. All inclusive? Yeah, all inclusive. Yeah. Well, I look forward to hearing about it. Yeah. Because you know, we’re going to New Zealand, and we will be there for Christmas and New Year’s. So that’s like, this is like a super ambitious trip. We’re going, you know, we’re gonna become hobbits. You even know what a hobbit is? No, I, maybe a little bit. I think I’ve seen it. It’s from a movie. Movie and on TV. What is it? A little bitty short. I don’t how, how are you gonna be short? Well, it’s all pers- Looks like you got a long nose and. I’m gonna visit the hobbit holes. Oh okay. But you can’t tell me what movie it’s from? No. What about, okay. There’s also wizards, Gandalf The Wizard. Is also in this movie. See, I don’t watch that stuff. So it don’t tickle my fancy. It’s based on a book series written by JRR Tolkien. I can see you’re trying to help me, but it ain’t helping. There’s, there’s orcs. Orcs? Orcs Orcs? Yeah. Yeah. There’s orcs and dwarves and. You still don’t have a guess, Dad? Just give me a guess. What kind of, what’s a movie? I can’t remember. It’s just going away. Hey, when you get old sometimes you can’t remember. Lord? “Lord of the Rings.” There it is, Dad. You actually knew “of the Rings” once I told you the Lord part. That’s good. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. All right, so we’re gonna experience the land of the “Lord of the Rings.” Mm. So. So what is the weather like in New Zealand? It’s summertime there. That’s why we’re going over our, you know, December break. The school break. Instead of going in our summer ’cause it’d be, it will be winter there. So the weather should be nice. I may have to mark that down. I may have to go over there in December sometime. You don’t even, you don’t even know what “Lord of the Rings” is. I’ll tell ya. It’s supposed to be a beautiful place. So I’ll let you know. I’ll give you a full report. Yeah. Don’t worry. Well, that’s what Nancy looked up last night what the temperature was gonna be in Aruba, and it’s gonna be 85 degrees almost all 24 hours a day. That’s nice. This episode is sponsored by HelloFresh. We all know this time of year can get quite busy, but this year, say hello to a stress-less holiday season with the help of HelloFresh. Skip the grocery store and save time with easy, tasty recipes delivered right to your door. Spend your time this month shopping for gifts and sipping cocoa, not stuck in the checkout line. Sign up for Hello Fresh and get everything you need to whip up a fresh, tasty meal delivered to your door. Just choose your recipe, select a delivery date, and relax, knowing dinner is on the way. Okay, all you Myrtle Beasts out there, I got some of these meals from Hello Fresh, and one of ’em was crispy buffalo spicy chicken, pork and pepper enchiladas with pickled de gallo. Oh, pico de gallo. Oh. Okay. And penne with beef and zucchini ragu. And I don’t even know if I could pick which one was the best one. Y’all might order, y’all might have to order all three of these because, man, you talking about some good meals, and it don’t take long to fix ’em, and they’re delicious. I mean, they some kind of good. So go to hellofresh.com/myrtlefree and use code MYRTLEFREE for free breakfast for life. One breakfast item per box while subscription is active. That’s free breakfast for life at hellofresh.com/myrtlefree with code MYRTLEFREE. HelloFresh, America’s number one meal kit. Nice. You can’t never tell what’s going to come outta my mouth That is true. That is a true statement. Care about your grooming as much as me and Link do? Unleash your legendary style with Mythical’s line of grooming and personal care products. The collection features items from the hair on your face, hair on your head, and for everything else. Available now at amazon.com/mythical. It’s time for another edition of Myrtle Beach Mailbag. I got a email from Thomas Carter. Okay. And it says, “I’m from Texas.” You know, every, all these people are gonna send you stuff from Texas. It’s always Bigger. you know, bigger and bigger and bigger. But. Yep. He says, “I am a long-time fan of Good Mythical Morning and have been watching since I was in elementary school. I am 18 now and am old enough to get a tattoo.” Okay. “Tattoos are supposed to be of something of meaning that you care about. And what better than a tattoo that y’all pick for me.” Really? Yeah. He wants us to pick his tattoo? That’s what he’s saying. He said, “I started watching when I was about nine or so.” Yeah. “Which would be roughly half my life. Even though “Dispatches From Myrtle Beach” hasn’t been around as long, I think that Charles should get a say in what my tattoo looks like.” Okay. And then he’s got in parentheses, Link, “I am dead serious. I’ll get whatever you want me to.” Hmm. Well, it’s definitely gonna be on the face. You know? Right? We gotta start there. If he’s dead serious, and he’ll get whatever we want him to? I’ve gotta, it’s going to have to be the face. No, I’m not gonna make him, you and Post Malone, I’m not gonna, I ain’t gonna make him get a tattoo on his face. Well, hold on. I don’t have one on my face. No. No. You know, my first one was on my ass cheek. It still is. Yes. Ah, this is, yeah, this is tough. What do you do? You don’t wanna, I don’t know. It’s like, I don’t wanna be the one to like. What, what are you thinking, Dad? I kind of got a few that I’ve been looking at. It says like, “Living the belch life.” You know, what you keep saying about my golf cart. Living the, so it could just be belch life, like on his abdomen, like Tupac’s tattoo. Or on his arm. Well, Tupac, it said “Thug life.” It could say “Belch life.” Yeah. Ah, that’s, that’s, I like that Dad. Mm-hmm. And then that seems like it’s gonna be big though. And captain fun ambassador. Well, you’re the captain fun-bassador. Yeah. Yeah. So you’re saying that you would give him that moniker, so he would be referring to himself as a, as an honorary fun-bassador. Maybe not the captain, but we could give him that. Maybe there’s a captain’s hat, and it says captain fun-bassador underneath it. Maybe that’s, you know, maybe it’s on the pectoral. So it’s only when you, when you’re removing your shirt is when you’re having a lot of fun, and that’s when you show it to people. Oh. Oh, okay. He’s removing his shirt. A captain fun-bassador. Oh yes, I get it. I think that could work. You know, I’m hoping maybe he might could just be like the one you got now on your arm where people could look at it and see it. Just a lot of plants. Yeah, although, well, I dunno. I, you know what, I’m going back in. I’m going back in for more, Dad. I’m taking it down my arm. Are you? Yeah. I think I’m gonna go around, I think I’m gonna go around my arm and come around the forearm part of it. You and Lance talked about that at Thanksgiving, didn’t you? Yeah. Like he said something about he was going back in to get something else done too, so. Yeah, I think I’m gonna do that. But I don’t know. I think that Thomas should have, I don’t know, first one should be something that, in a place that, I don’t know. I don’t, I don’t, I don’t love having this amount of pressure. I think it needs to be on the ass. What, what about “Chaz was here.” Right on his ass. Well. Like you signed it. That was kind of, I kind of like that one, but I really don’t know if I like it enough because he’s a guy, and I’m a guy, and I don’t, I really don’t know Okay. if I want to. You don’t want to be, you don’t want to imply that you are writing on his bare ass. Yep, that’s um. I get that. But I, you know, Thomas, I know you’re dead serious about wanting us to help you with a tattoo, but you’re 18 years old, and I remember when I was 18, and I had never got a tattoo and wasn’t going to get one then. But you don’t have to get a tattoo with something from me and Link. ‘Cause I think you’ve got stuff in your life, which is, you being very young, that you can just figure out maybe when you’re getting started, and then let me in Link see what kind of tattoo you choose and get, and then maybe he and I can help you get the second one. That’s what I’m thinking. Okay. All right. We’ll abdicate being the first. ‘Cause we don’t want to have to answer to your loved ones that are mad. Or if you, if you come back and make a mistake. But it hurts to get one on your butt cheek, but that’s a good place to just get one and just to ease into it. But I don’t, yeah, I don’t, we just don’t know enough about you, Thomas. We just don’t know enough about you. We gonna leave it. Just put a little TC behind your ear. There you go. A little TC. Yeah. Yeah. That would be, I like that too, Linky. Maybe he ought to have it, you know, on his butt cheek, you know. TC was here. He was on, you were on your own ass cheek. You know, I hope we didn’t bust your bubble, Thomas, about us picking something, but. We’re not falling for that trap. Ha ha ha ha! Yeah, you go ahead and kind of figure out what you want to get and then you can email me again at ratherbeshaggin53@aol.com, and then we’ll see if we can help you with a tattoo the next time. There you go. And let us know a little bit more about yourself. Let us know some of the things that you like to do, what you do. That’s what I’m saying. We need more info. And a second, it’s gotta be the second one. So there we go. I love that, Dad. You’re very wise. I don’t want his mama and daddy calling me and you up and saying, “You had my son put this on his ass, and I don’t like it.” Exactly. All right, well Dad, I got an idea. Okay. You know, we do the role play segment sometimes where we polish our acting skills, and you know, you’re already dressed like an elf and ’tis the season. So why don’t, Yeah. why don’t we do a little scene where you’re an elf in Santa’s workshop, and I’ll be Santa. And but the only thing that you know how to make are adult toys. Adult toys. Hmm. Right. So no matter what I’m, where I’m trying to send you, it’s like you just keep going, you just, you can only make adult toys. Let’s role play. Okay, you ready? Uh. Let’s go. I guess. Let’s get into character. All right, you gotta have an elf voice. So get ready. You ready? I thought I was making adult toys, so. I said an elf voice. You gotta use an elf voice to make adult toys. Yes. You ready? Okay. Here we go. All right I’m gonna. Action. Ho, ho, ho, ho! I am entering my workshop to see what my new elf employees are up to. Hello, little elf. What’s your name? My name is Charles, and I’m a elf for Santa Claus, and I’m making adult toys for Santa. Well, do you know who you’re talking to? Yes, I think I’m talking to Santa. That’s right. I’m your, I’m your boss. And um, when I hired you, that was not in the job description, but well, well, let’s see what you’ve got. Show me one, show me some of your work. Well, I made a thing where instead of Rudolph taking off with a shiny red nose, he’s got a thing where he is hanging down and his balls and his penis is just flying through the air, and it’s, he’s using that to drop Santa in down the chimney. And he delivers his toys because he’s using his toy. Gr, okay. Well, let me, let me, let me see if I understand. You’ve made a toy that I ride, and I grab the twig and the berries of the toy reindeer, and it drops me into the chimney of, to deliver my presents. So this is a, this is a toy for me Yeah. to use as an adult? Great. I think. I don’t, I don’t want to, I don’t want to burst his bubble, Mrs. Claus. Let’s just give him a chance. Maybe he’s got something else in the works. Do you have anything else in the works that you’ve been crafting? And then because you were going to drop out, I made a nice big bed for you and Mrs. Claus that vibrates Oh. and goes back and forth Okay. and moves up and down, where y’all can get in it when you’re, after you’re doing all your work and dropping from your penis and balls when you get back home that you can have fun with Mrs. Claus. Yes, after I drop from my reindeer penis and balls, I will be very exhausted, not unlike a fireman who traverses his pole, much. What do you think, Mrs. Claus? He’s crafted a, what is it? A vibrating bed? Yes. They used to have ’em in motel rooms, so I made y’all a nice big one where you can use it all year long. Great. I’m kind of warming up to this concept here. Your name is Elf Charles, is that what you’ve said? Yes. Okay. Dare I ask, do you have one other toy that you’ve conceptualized that, with proper funding, you might make on a large scale for all to enjoy? Oh, for everybody to enjoy? My goodness. Well, I was just trying to please you and Mrs. Claus, but to make everybody happy, we could make ’em all these beds that vibrate and when they’re adults, they’ll be able to have fun with their wives and friends and whoever they want to. Okay. That’s right. That’s right. Yeah. Whoever, whoever can fit in the bed. Wives and friends. Yeah. I don’t, you know, that’s just the best I can do right now off the top of my head, trying to make things for you. Well that’s, you’re extremely creative, Charles. I must say, I did not, I was not sold on this concept at first, but you shall receive my complete funding for this endeavor. Okay. The vibrating beds. The Charles Special, we’ll call it. Yes. Good. Send me some sketches. I’ll have stuff drawn up for you when you get back from dropping off your testicles from Rudolph. Okay. Dropping off my testicles from Rudolph. Okay, that was, that was successful. What a, you know, if you weren’t in the holiday spirit before now, I hope you are now, you know, Myrtle Beast. Yeah, I hope so. You’re welcome. Good work. Good work. Wow. Well, you know, I’ve had a good time today. Me too. And it’s just amazing what you can get me into or what I can get you into, but. Hey, don’t blame me. Yeah, I guess it was my idea to, it was my idea. But so was the ribs. So you gotta, Yeah. you know, you never know until you try it out, so there you go. That’s right. Yeah, I had fun, Dad. It was fun having you all here with us today. Just a reminder that this is our last full episode of the year, but we’ll still be releasing many dispatches until we’re back with a full episode on January the ninth. January 9th. Don’t forget to click those follow and subscribe buttons wherever you get your podcasts on YouTube. And rate and review us on Apple Podcasts while you’re at it. If you got a joke, question, comment you’d like to share with me, email me at ratherbeshagging53@aol.com. And we can’t wait to spin your world again next time. And Merry Christmas Link and happy Holidays to everybody and all you Myrtle Beasts out there. Ho, ho, ho, ho! Ho, ho, ho. Happy holidays to you too, Dad. Merry Christmas. I Love you. Love you too.