♪ Ah ♪ This is “Dispatches from Myrtle Beach” with Charles Neal and my son, Link Neal from “Good Mythical Morning.” And just to remind all you Myrtle Beast out there, we’re back to weekly full episodes. That’s right. So- Every single week we’re giving it to you. the same thing every week. Well, different stuff, but you know what I’m saying. Tell everybody. Tell everybody, “Well, you gotta listen to this ‘Dispatchers from Myrtle Beach.’” Yeah, you need to tell ’em ’cause, you know, one time we were doing them every week and then y’all kinda complained that we weren’t doing them every week again. So we’re back to doing them every week again. So, get everybody back on board. Yep. It’s time for the Belch Life Bulletin. Oh. What is new in Myrtle Beach, Dad? Well, Link. I was looking through some newspapers down here the other day, and it seems that where I live at at, down here at Myrtle Beach, in North Myrtle Beach, said there’s a lot of UFO sightings going on down here. And it said- This is in the paper? It’s in the paper. And it says, “UFOs in Myrtle Beach. Horry County sees a high number of reported sightings above tourist town.” Okay. Horry. First of all, let’s get this out. Horry County, does that start with a w or not? No. Okay, good. H-O-R-R-Y. Is this news to you? That UFOs are frequently cited over your beach? Yes. It was news to me. I mean, I- You have personally never cited a UFO? Absolutely not. No, I ain’t- Well, not with that attitude, Dad. No. Well, I mean- You gotta be open-minded. You gotta sound a little disappointed when you say you haven’t seen a UFO. If you’re ever gonna see one, you got to change your attitude. Oh, hey, if I see one and one comes down and wants to pick me up, I’m gonna change my attitude. I’m gonna tell you. Oh, well, all right, let’s put a pin in that, gimme some more details. And I wanna come back to this scenario of what you would do if you were taken. But I do want you to understand my point. If I ask you, “Have you ever seen a UFO?” And you’re like, “No. Never.” Like, of course not. There’s gotta, like, there needs to be a shift in your tone. Yeah. I gotta act like, well, I think they exist. Is that what you mean? Yeah. There we go. So we’re gonna try this again. So, dad, have you ever seen a UFO? Well, no, but it would be nice if I ever saw one. There you go. You know. I sure wish I could. Be able to report it to somebody. Yeah, that I saw one Yeah, maybe- at Myrtle Beach too. Maybe you’ll get in the paper. What did the article say? That was much better, by the way. Okay. It says, “A hot spot for UFO sightings. Data from the UFO reporting center shows that Horry County and the Myrtle Beach area No w. are hot spots of reported UFO sightings, not just in South Carolina, but the entire Southeast. Hmm. And, so you’ve never seen one, and have you heard of any of your friends seeing a UFO? It’s the most common place to see ’em on the East Coast? Well, this thing also- Wonder why? I don’t know but it says, “The county had the most total sightings of any county along the Atlantic Ocean. And the third-most sightings relative to its population across the southeastern United States, according to the center’s data, collected by Axios.” Okay. So the numbers don’t lie. Course, it doesn’t prove that these are UFOs. It just proves that more people have seen it. Somebody’s seeing something. What is your explanation? Well, there’s several airports here, and there’s several places close by that are Air Force bases or bases with a lot of airplanes that are flying and doing different things and all kind of stuff. But, you know, I- But those are identified, Dad. But- When they report it and it’s like, oh, well that was a plane. That’s a IFO. Yeah. Not a U. I don’t know. I mean, I reckon I’ma have to start paying a little bit more attention about what’s going on in the skies around here, and seeing if I can see something that’s not necessarily, you might think it ought to be up there. I have, well, you know, I’m thinking about this a little bit, and I have been standing on my porch and seeing a little light far off somewhere. Uh-huh. In different areas and- And how is this little light behaving? Well, it kind of moves around a little bit and going back and forth. But it don’t never Is it? Hmm. get real close. You know what I mean? Sounds like you’re describing a little light that’s defying physics. Yeah, that’s what I mean. Huh? I mean- I mean, could you identify this little light by its movements? No. Hmm. Could you un-identify it? You gonna have to stop a minute, Logan. Yeah, that’s fine. I gotta get something to drink. He’s gone. Yeah. Get some water. He’s gone. I didn’t get it. Now dad, you can be honest. All right, y’all can dock my pay for 30 minutes. 30 minutes? You weren’t gone that long. I know what you’re up to, Dad. You over there trying to figure out what you gonna say to dodge my questions. No. You’re trying to hide. You’ve been probed, haven’t you? No. Huh? No. I don’t- You’ve been, yep. That light. That little light. I’m not gonna- Defied physics right up your ass. Oh my goodness. Well. “Oh my goodness.” Look at you. That’s scripted. That was a scripted response from the aliens. Yeah. You know, I can’t tell you everything that happens with me down here at Myrtle Beach. You made a promise to the aliens. Did you sign an agreement? They don’t make you sign an agreement. They just- Did they threaten you? They threatened you and tell you, “We’ll come back and get you, not never bring you back down here.” So. Oh. Oh. So, you know, Okay. they’d be pretty persuasive. Kind of like the mafia was back in the fifties and the sixties and the… Okay. In the forties. You don’t have to do any more fake coughing, Dad. We know, the jig is up. Hmm. Well. You know, but there’s really not any UFOs out there. There not any, there’s not any out there. Dad, yes, there are. I mean, there’s so… Do you know how big the, like, all the universe is, man? I mean, it’s like the chances that there’s something somewhere, it actually becomes likely that there’s something out there. If, like you were saying… Well, first of all, let me give my explanation. Your explanation was military. My explanation for why Myrtle Beach is the most spottings, I wanna believe in UFOs, and I think, statistically speaking, it’s likely, but I’ve been told that the chances that people in Myrtle Beach are seeing them at a higher frequency is probably other stuff. And I just wonder, I’m just asking, maybe, if there’s a correlation between seeing UFOs in Myrtle Beach and the frequency of imbibing in Myrtle Beach. Like, what percentage of the Myrtle Beach population is there to party? And you’re outdoors at night? What do they do? What are you doing? You’re partying, man. You’re imbibing. Well. Yeah? B and G brought it up. That might have a little bit to do with what’s going on, you know, ’cause I mean- It’s a tourist town. Tourists come down here and probably the first thing they do is stop and buy some something to drink, and I ain’t talking about Coca-Colas. And what happens when you throw it back? And when you throw it back, where are your eyes pointed? Oh, you looking up in the sky. Mm-hmm. There you go. And then you throw it back about 10 or 12 times, and you throw it up one time, That’s right. and you say, “Oh my God! That’s a UFO up there.” Exactly. We’ve cracked the case, man. That’s exactly what it is, dude. Does the article say that? No. The physical act of throwing back alcoholic beverages sends your inebriated gaze skyward. No, there ain’t nothing in here about that. All right, lemme ask you, so you were telling me earlier if an alien or alien craft presented itself to you. No, I’m just making that look good for the show. What do you mean? Making it look good for the show? Yeah. Just so people would get a kick out of it. Yeah. So if the aliens came, you would not hitch a ride. Oh, I’d get right in. But that’s what I’m saying. So you were saying that sincerely? Oh, yeah. I would… Oh man, I don’t know. I would have to get, I would have to, I’d have to trust them. They’d have to give me something that put me at ease. I think we’d have to build a bit of a relationship. I think it’d have to be multiple visits. I don’t know. Hey, sometimes you have to just grab the gusto while you got it. And they might not come back if you don’t get in there with ’em to start with. They may come pick somebody else up and you just got left out, and didn’t get to fly around and see where they were from. And- If you think I’m gonna come back later to give you a probe, I mean, a ride? Well. Yeah. You got another thing coming. Yeah. But I would need to have some sort of, I would be like, “Now, am I gonna be back for dinner or at least breakfast? Am I gonna be back before Christy wakes up?” Is what I would ask. If you can promise me that, then I’ma go, They’d probably get tired of me anyway ’cause they couldn’t understand what I was saying. So they getting me back to start with. Yeah. It’d be hard to say no. I think we need to get ready. Yeah. Especially, hey Speck, you don’t live here. I do. Maybe I ought to be starting getting more ready then. And I mean, “Angela Williamson, a Myrtle Beach resident and UFO sight-er created a Facebook page called Myrtle Beach UFO Sightings. The page grew quickly. The page quickly grew with others, locals posting their own in the Facebook group.” So, I reckon the first thing I gotta do is get on Facebook, but that ain’t gonna happen. Now, I’ll get on a UFO craft, but I will not get on Facebook. You gotta draw the line somewhere, Dad. I like that. I ain’t gonna lie. I don’t do Facebook. I’m sorry, all you Myrtle Beasts out there, but you can’t send me nothing on Facebook. I don’t do it. It’s for old people, right? Yeah. Yeah. I reckon there’s a lot. Old people, young people. Everybody. Nancy shows me some stuff that’s on hers and I say, “What in the hell?” All these people put this stuff on there. What they cooking or what they doing. Aren’t they? Who cares? I mean. Exactly. But that’s just my opinion. I’m sorry, you Myrtle Beasts out there on Facebook but- Nancy could join it. Oh yeah. She could join the group and then she could read it. She could roll over in bed and read it to you. That’s what Christy does to me. Like once or twice a month, she’ll get on Facebook and she’ll roll over in bed and show me something. I’ll be like, “Look up my high school friends.” She talks to my high school friends sometimes. Sometimes. ‘Cause she’s met ’em, so like. That would be the only reason I’d be on Facebook. Well, I have thought about the only reason I might would get on Facebook, ’cause when you get as old as I am, there’s a lot of people that’s my age is kicking the bucket. And that’s always kind of somebody sending something out on Facebook that so and so died. And, Mm-hmm. I had a friend of mine call me today and told me about a man that used to work for me passed away, and another guy that I knew pretty well, he passed away, so. But see I didn’t need Facebook. He called and told me, so. You didn’t it. He called and told you. Don’t get on Facebook. It’s a waste of time. I ain’t getting on it. Now, TikTok. Mm-hmm. That’s where you need to be. It is? Oh, yeah. That’s in no way, shape, or form a waste of time. Well, maybe I need to, somebody needs to help me and get me on TikTok then. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Not me. Not you. Nope. You know that you don’t ask me technical questions. Half the reason we do this podcast is so you can bother Logan with, like, technical questions. Hey, ain’t that the truth? Yep. Yep. Hell, yeah. How do you do this, Logan? Yeah. I’ll set you up. I got a learning curve, so. I mean, that’s just the way it is. I’m not saying that I talked you into creating this show so that someone else could help you with computer problems, but it is quite a perk. And thank you, Logan. Yes, you can- You’re welcome. Well, hey, Logan will tell you that I’ve got pretty good in a few little things when she and I had to get together and. Mm-hmm. Like what, I’m so- what are you talking about? Logging on the computer and pulling up our website and- I learned that you know what Venmo is and you’ve used it. Yep. Oh. You have Venmo? You’ve been paid through Venmo? Yes. For painting? Yes. Who set that up? I don’t know. I think Logan might have helped me with, her and Nancy both. Might’ve- Okay. All right. When people pay you through Venmo- I didn’t like it. I didn’t like it. Oh, you didn’t like it? Do you get ’em to pay you Well, as a friend or as a? I didn’t like it. I didn’t like it because they got about $46 of my money. Right. They take a cut. Mm-hmm. Unless you say, “It’s just money between friends.” And then, like, they might put like a paintbrush emoji, but it’s like, “Oh, we’re just friends exchanging thousands of dollars.” Yeah, I don’t think that’s technically for tax purposes. It was several thousand dollars, so. Hey. Mm-hmm. If I do it again, I learned my lesson. You know me, I can add and subtract. And my daddy, and your granddaddy give me that gift of being able to keep up with numbers and stuff. So if I do Venmo again and I give those people a bill and they gonna Venmo it to, I know how much to add to it to make sure I’m still getting my money. It’s called a convenience fee. That’s right. This episode is sponsored by Rosetta Stone. Why do you want to learn a new language? Maybe you have an upcoming international trip? 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Redeem your 50% off at rosettastone.com/dispatches today. Have you been keeping up with “Think It and Sink It”? Mythical’s daily Good Mythical Morning trivia game available for free to every member, including, oh shit, initiates? You got it this time, not intimates. Okay, let’s start all over. Okay. Available for free to every member, including initiates. Exclusively… Hmm. Good God. Exclusively on the Mythical Society app. Well, it sounds like you should be! Download the Mythical Society app from the Apple or Google Play app stores and get your head in the game. All right, so back to the aliens. I feel like, that we need to be prepared, especially you, I wanna prepare you. That’s what I was saying. Yeah, I’m not hiding. For the alien’s coming. So I think that means a role-play. It’s time for another edition of “Let’s Roleplay.” So do you wanna be the alien or do you want me to be the alien? I think I need to be the alien. All right. You’re gonna be the alien. Yeah. Who are you gonna be? I’m just gonna be me here at Myrtle Beach. There you go. All right, so where are you at? You’re walking on the beach at night. You got your flashlight, you’re talking to yourself. What are you saying? I’m saying, “Man, this is a-” No, no, just say it. Just a role-play. Just get into character. I’m walking on the… Boy, this is a good night to be, beautiful night to be walking on the beach and, you know, I might run into a alien tonight or a spaceship here somewhere. I mean, this be a good night for one to drop down and pick me up and see if this thing’s really real, so- Foreshadow much. Okay. Yeah, you should be a Hollywood writer, Dad. So, yeah. But you know- Charles Neal hears a sound. And exclaims. Oh, a spaceship is landing. Oh, man. There it is. It’s dropped down and put the portal down where you can walk up in it and look and see what’s going on. Man, this thing’s neat. It’s all lit up and I don’t know why all these other people around here that’s walking around out here don’t see it, and they don’t seem to even notice this thing. Oh? Oh, man. Must’ve just picked me out. They must’ve knew I was receptive. Oh, good God. Look at that- Greetings, Earthling. I have appeared to you alone. Apparently no one else can see me except you. How do I know this? Because you talk to yourself on the beach. Yeah, well- What is your name, earthling? Charles Neal from “Dispatches from Myrtle Beach.” What did- Do you watch “Dispatches from Myrtle Beach”? I do not understand. I do not understand. Well, hold on a minute. I can show it to you. And I get my phone out and I pull it up. Say, “Here it is! Dispatches from Myrtle Beach.” Do you happen to have a business card? Yeah, I got a card for you too, so. Enough with the small talk So- and self-promotion, my time here is limited. Come with me on my ship for 15 Earth minutes to live a lifetime in the world of Zorg. Well, let’s go. If it ain’t gonna take but 15 minutes, I’m ready. You’re not curious about what I’m going to do to you or with you or at your expense? Oh no, I ain’t been a, I hadn’t been afraid of a lot of things in my lifetime, and whether or not you might could do some stuff to me that I might not would remember, but I’m going with you and I’m gonna find out. Oh no, you’ll definitely remember. it would be a alien lifetime of torture, probing, and analysis. But you didn’t seem concerned. Well- So you don’t know. I ain’t too worried about being, I mean, I’ve been probed at the doctor’s office and everything else. I don’t think you can probe something that ain’t been probed before. So let’s go. Okay. Challenge accepted. Dad, let’s just pause for a second. Dad, I just don’t know about this taunting. Like, you gotta make an informed decision. You gotta… I mean, you’re basically inviting. He told you he was gonna torture you for an alien lifetime. Come on now. You gotta put your guard up a little bit. There’s gotta be a little bit of negotiation here. A little tit for tat, a little you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours kind of a thing. Let’s go back. Greeting, earthling. Who are you? Okay. Self-promotion. Yes, Charles. Okay. I invite you onto my craft for 15 Earth minutes. And you go, and there’s not gonna be any torture involved ’cause if there’s gonna be any torture involved, I’m gonna be doing the torture. So, you are aggressive. You are an aggressive one. I will go back and bring my fleet. Hello, hello, hello, hello? Charles? The aggressor has been identified. See you put. Pause. You pushed them too hard, Dad. See, you’re talking, Oh, that ain’t going- you talked a little too much smack there. There’s gotta be a middle ground, you know? Well, they ain’t, hey. It’s gotta be like, you gotta- There ain’t no middle ground with me, you see? I’m just the way I am and I’m gonna talk to them the same way I’ve talked to people all my life. So, okay, so we’re back in. That’s why- So, do I understand that your offer is for every time that I probe you, you get to probe me? That would be, yes. Okay. Deal. Come on aboard. You can sleep on the couch and we will awaken you in 15-minute increments. Alternating between me probing you and you probing me in the anus because all of our alien information is assessed through the anus. That’s why they call it an assessment. Do you follow my logic? We’re probably gonna have to stop this ’cause I ain’t going on your ship if we’re gonna be doing stuff with the anus so that ain’t gonna happen. I have corn dogs. Hmm? I don’t like corn dogs, so. Hmm, hmm? So, I mean… How about collard greens? Hmm? I like collard greens, but it won’t be as good as mine. So what do you- Okay, well, we play, I can play beach music. Meh? Oh, but it’s still, Hmm, yes? and I can teach you how to dance, but- Yes, I would love that, Charles. But there won’t be no probing with the anus, I’ma tell you. There just ain’t gonna be none of that. So you might as well pick somebody else to pick up down here. You know. Okay. Goodbye. There I go. I missed again. Nancy always tells me I’m too outspoken with everything that I do. You’re scared they, you might’ve saved Earth though. All right. Do you wanna switch roles right quick? Just for the hell of it. Greetings, earthlings. We come in peace. What’s your name? My name is Darrell. I’m from the outer space where I’ve been watching you. He’s from the outer space. The outer space, and you heard his calling? Yes. Do you know if, like, briefs are really better than boxers? We don’t have to wear briefs of boxers. Right, right. So you wanna hang out later or what? No, I’ve got to get back. I go in peace so. He comes in peace and he goes in peace. Yeah, he comes. All right. Look at me. I’m out here with my flashlight on the beach. I’m looking for little crabs. I bet you I could hear the sound of an alien ship land. Oh, any moment. Oh. Oh my goodness. Look at that. It’s a spooky alien ship. It’s just landed in front of me. And the door’s opening. What’s this walking towards me? He’s got some galoshes on. Hey, hey, hey. Mister. Man that lives on this continent. Are you receptive to aliens and want to ride on my ship? Yes. It sounds like you’re, are you stoned? Are you a stoned alien? It’s like a Well. Cheech & Chong UFO. “Hey, hey, guy.” “Yeah, bruh.” “What are we gonna do? Just kinda like cruise around the galaxy?” Sounds like more fun than your alien. Yeah, definitely. I don’t know if you should be piloting that ship of yours right now. Oh no, I’m not piloting. I got a pilot, man. I mean, we’ll be good. We’re gonna get on here and do some stuff that you ain’t never done before. Come on. Let’s go and try this stuff. Oh, can you? And I might- Can you be more specific? Well, I know how you people down here, you know, you imbibe but alcohol, and then you do some marijuana and this stuff. I got some stuff, man, that’s a lot better than that. Oh, yeah. I’ma, oh, yeah. It’ll kick your pants off. Willie Nelson would think this is the best stuff in the world, I’m telling ya. Wow. You know Willie Nelson? Well, we watched some stuff that he does, and we like his singing and stuff. But we like that stuff he does on the bus when he gets all his people on there, ’cause we do that same kind of stuff too, man. Yeah. Wow. What’s your name, dude? My name is Zanafaglokus. Zanafaglokus. Hey, man, you’re what I would call dope, dude. You’re vibe… Now. Okay. All right. You seem pretty chill. How long are we gonna be gone? Okay. Am I gonna be back before Christy wakes up? You know, I’ma take you up here with us, but then when you get back, you’re not gonna remember anything, man. ‘Cause if you remember all this stuff, your life here on Earth just would not never be the same, man. So, you’ll just have a wonderful time. But when you get back, Wow, dude. it’ll be a vanquished moment that you won’t never remember and you’ll be standing back on the beach, man, and saying, “What just happened? Where did that 15 minutes go?” Let’s do it, bruh. And I get on the ship. And then in a flash, I’m back. What just happened? Yeah. Oh wow. That was different. That’s two different types of aliens. There’s probably all types, you know? Wow. Oh, yeah. They got a hold to some good stuff. All right. Do you feel ready? You feel more prepared now? I’m prepared. Yeah. I may not let Nancy walk on the beach with me no more, but. ‘Cause I don’t want no alien to get her, so, but if it was my alien, I might. Okay. And if I was probed, I won’t remember it. So I think I’m good. Yeah. Yep. All right. All right. Well, you know, I hope all you Myrtle Beast, if you live down here at Myrtle Beach, be watching out for all these aliens. It’s floating around in the sky down here. And if you happen to get taken off of one of these, you send me something at ratherbshaggin53, aol.com, so I’ll know about it, but- Oh, yeah. We wanna hear some alien stories. Email us. Oh, yeah. But it was fun having you all here with us today, and we’ll be back next week for another one. And don’t forget to click those follow and subscribe buttons wherever you get your podcast on YouTube. And while you’re at it, rate and review us on Apple Podcast. And if you got a question, comment, or story you’d like to share with me, email me at ratherbshaggin53@ aol.com. Have a great rest of your week and we can’t wait to spin you, whirl around again. And I’ll see you next week, Link. Love you. I will see you too. And I love you. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Zamfaglofogus. Wow. That’s a hell of a name, Dad. That was wild. What was it? Do you even remember? Zanafaglokus? Zanafaglokus. Yeah. Zanafaglokus.