This is ‘Dispatches From Myrtle Beach’ with Charles Neal, and my son Link, from ‘Good Mythical Morning’. How you doing, Link? Here. Present. Doing good. Wouldn’t be anywhere else dad, than right here. Oh, that’s mighty… Well, that’s the reason we keep doing this, ’cause you know, I get to see you. Yep, and you get to see me. In live, and in color. And I get to see you too. That’s right, we get to see each other. You feeling patriotic today, I can tell you got your sleeveless American flag t-shirt on. Got. Got… It says ‘Key West’ on it, but this episode for all our Myrtle Beaches, gonna be out on the 4th of July, so that’s the reason I got my shirt on. Get yourself- I like the 4th of July, yeah. What you like about it the most, dad? Fireworks. Fireworks! Down there in South Carolina, they go wild, y’all just… Y’all don’t have any laws that govern it. Oh, yes they do, but they just kinda turn their head the other way, and look the other way, and then, you kinda just… They go out there, and set ’em up on the beach, and down at Cherry Grove, they set ’em up, and they last for about 30-minutes where they set ’em off the peer down there, and we can watch ’em. I don’t know Link, if it’s quite as good, as the fireworks when Pawpaw was the chief of police and the ones that they had at Lillington, that Danny, and them did up there? But they’re pretty close, ’cause they… If you ain’t ever been to Lillington, and I don’t know if they still do ’em, and I think they do, but they do one heck of a fireworks show up there too, on the 4th of July. Oh yeah, definitely. So, do you buy your own fireworks? You planning on doing that this year? Nah, I don’t- You’re just gonna watch others? I don’t want to get any of my pretty, little fingers decapitated or blowed off. I’d like to keep ’em. You don’t wanna decapitate a finger? No. And I’ve seen people that got hurt. But you know, they got these fireworks, you can buy a bag here, that you setup, and they work off a remote control- That makes sense. And I’m gonna tell you, the last three/several years that we’ve been down here on the beach, and before they put the fireworks on the peer down at Cherry Grove, these people got ’em lined up, and I guarantee ya they spent $10,000 on ’em. I ain’t never seen like the… I mean, they got some fireworks, somebody has spent some money on some fireworks. Old people live for it. All year ’round, they’re saving up their money. “Do I wanna buy a car? Or do I wanna buy a fireworks display? Hmm, I think the answer’s obvious, I live in South Carolina.” “I’m gonna buy fireworks.” Yeah. “I have six fingers on two hands.” But it’s a… Hey, if you… If you plan on coming, ever wanna come to North Myrtle Beach, and you can find a place to stay, this is the place to be to watch some wonderful fireworks, and then going off, and go over to any of the clubs we got down here, and go shag dancing, so you have a big time down here. There ya go. I like a good Roman candle, you know? A good Roman candle? You know? I mean, I’m not saying you should do this, but you know, people have been known to hold those in their hand while they’re lit, and just like… All those fireballs come out of it, you know, one at a time. Hmm, I’m not gonna do that. Okay. I’ll let… You can fly out, and show me how to do that if you want to, but I’m not gonna do it. Or you can show it to me from your house, where you’re doing it. Oh, I… I’ve never bought any fireworks out here in California, I’ve just assumed that they were all the lamest versions, you know? I didn’t even wanna give it a chance. We might could… Hey, I might could go get you some, and ship you some out there, and you know… Is it legal to ship a Roman candle? I don’t know. I’d have to ask that question. You know, I’ll ship it to your studio, so instead of your house. So, you’ll bring down my business, not just my personal life? Okay. All right. Well, I don’t guess that was a good idea either. Let’s just… Let’s just not exchange fireworks over the mail, I don’t know… I don’t know how to do that. I don’t know how to do that. My favorite thing about 4th of July is the burgers, you know? I always associate it… We talk about it every year, ’cause I always think about it, eating the cheeseburgers, and hotdogs at Nana and Pawpaw’s house. Oh yeah. Mayonnaise, chili ‘slaw, onions, yes it needs mustard to be technically Carolina-Style, but I’ll leave… I’ll take the mustard, you know what? I miss Carolina-Style burgers so much now that I will, I’ll take it straight. Mustard, onions, chili ‘slaw, cheeseburger. Yep. Mhm. And I always think of it about July 4th, ’cause that’s what we would do every July 4th. Oh, yeah. When you were growing up, we all did it, that’s… That was the go-to thing for us to do, might as well been a family-reunion thing happening. That’s right. That’s right. I mean, out here there’s… They do have fireworks at the Rose Bowl, you know? Which is a famous venue, I’m pretty sure they have fireworks there. And then they have some that are more local to us, but I don’t know, it’s just not… We just don’t have that same… The same vibe that like, once you have that like small-town Lillington vibe that I grew up with, it’s just like, I don’t know, it just feels different, I don’t know, I never found… I never found a go-to spot out here, so it’s kind of faded a little bit for me, I’m glad it hasn’t for you. Oh no, no. You’re holding the mantle for us both. Yeah, I try, and I’ll have… You might not, but we’ll… A lot of us get together down here on the 4th of July, and setup tents, and stuff down on the beach, and at lunch time, and have hamburgers, hotdogs, all kinds of different kinds of foods, and everything they bring, but the main thing we do that for, is because of the Air Force base down here, we have a fly-over, on the edge of the beach with those big, I don’t even know what to call ’em, the big bomber planes, the stealth’s, and all that stuff, they fly down the beach. Oh, really? And the jets fly down the beach, so it’s a pretty neat thing to be able to watch, and see all that, ’cause they fly from up at Cherry Grove… Cherry Point North Carolina, and they take off from there, and fly down the beach, all the way across North Carolina, and South Carolina. And how many aircraft are we talking about? Are we talking about 5 or 50? We’re talking about one of the big jets, and then… I mean, one of the big planes where they fly stuff all around the world with, and then at least 40 jets come by. Sounds like it’s the place to be. Well Link, I got an email from Sarah, and she said, “Ask Link, has he heard of that parody?” That parody? Parody of what? A parody. That’s what the email says? Does it say anything else after that? Says, “Wait for Link to answer.” But what’s it say after that? Does it say something? Yeah. Parody of what? “Pair o’ deez nuts.” Dad. I have not heard of the ‘pair o’ deez nuts’. Yeah, what do you… You got me. It was weird, but you got me. I don’t… Sarah sent it in, I didn’t send it in, Sarah wanted to see if you could- You sounded like you didn’t even know that’s what Sarah was doing. Well, I mean, I really… Hey, I didn’t understand this thing, I don’t reckon anymore than you did, but ‘pair o’ deez nuts’… I mean, but now, it’s pretty clear what’s going on, right? It is? I mean, you just… You said- Oh, parody… So, she’s saying, Sarah’s saying that we a ‘pair o’ deez nuts’? Me, and you a ‘pair o’ deez nuts’? I think she was just trying to get me to say, “Parody, what?” And you’re supposed to say, “Pair o’ deez nuts.” As a joke on me. Oh, okay. But, maybe she also meant that we are two peas in a pod, and we’re nutty. Yeah. We’re a pair… We are a pair of nuts, me, and you. I think that is the bigger takeaway here, I agree. You, and I are quite a pair of nuts. It’s time for another addition of Myrtle Beach Mailbag. Well, I got another email Link, and it’s from Tegan. Okay, Tegan. “During 2020, I took a leap of faith, and opened my own, private pet grooming business.” In 2020? That’s what… Ooh, that’s a tough time to take a business leap of faith. I mean, that’s having some faith, you’re right. “It was the scariest decision, but also the most blessed, because I gained the freedom to my life in a way that was more beneficial for my family, and myself… And self.” Okay, and what type of business did you say? It was a pet-grooming business. Oh okay, well they needed to be groomed in the pandemic too, I guess. Okay, go ahead. So, it says, “What words of encouragement would you give already skilled tradesmen, and women, who might be reluctant to take the plunge into working for themselves, and start their own small business? And for today’s young people, you might be interested in a trade as a career path like you?” So, I guess the trade thing would be like me, like where I do painting, and remodeling, and fixing stuff, and everything. Right. That part Tegan, I think is a great way if somebody’s wanting to start their own business, to ever what business it is to get in, but if it’s a trade, and you learn how to do it, lot of times, you can make a whole lot more money than you can with somebody that goes to college for four years, I mean… And because I tell people all the time Tegan, that I’m 72 years old now, and I don’t know how much longer I’m gonna be able to keep working, and with what I do, and everything, but there’s not a whole lot of young people that does what I do for work, you can’t hardly find anybody to do any of this stuff, that’s the reason I stay two or three months behind, all the time, of course I work by myself now, and don’t wanna do as much, like I did back home, but finding a trade where it’s a bricklayer, where it’s a painter, or where it’s a carpenter, whatever it is, what kind of trade you find a trade in, but you need to, if you find this, you need to like what you… Just like you said you like doing this pet-grooming business, it sounds like you enjoy your business. So, if you gonna get into a trade, and do what you need to, first try it with somebody, and see if you like doing it, and then, after that, you might wanna go on out, and get in business for yourself. But I think it’s a great idea for people, young people to do those kind of things, ’cause you can go to school for two years, and learn how to do a lot of these things, instead of having to you know, go to school like a lot of children do, and have those loans where you get from schools, and have to pay ’em all back, and you can almost get… In South Carolina, you can go to the trade school down here, and South Carolina will pay for it. Oh, yeah? Yep. Well, it’s interesting, you bring up a good point I hadn’t thought about, and it’s like the number of people like graduating from high school, and going into the trades, and so, you’re saying even, not just with painting, and what you do, are you able to see when you interact with like builders, or you know, bricklayers, or other craftsmen, tradesmen, that this is true across the board? Like electricians, there’s not like a lot of young people getting into these trades? Not a lot of young people getting into ’em, but the ones that are getting into ’em, are doing very well for theirselves. Well, there’s the whole marketing component, you know, when you’re… I mean, to run your own business takes a lot of guts, right? Oh, yeah. And you know, you’ve gotta build it up to where you can support yourself, and find a way to like make a transition into it, or go into debt in order to do it, I would imagine, depending on what it is, or- You gonna have to spend some money to… I mean, if you know, if you painting, you gotta buy ladders, and have all the equipment, walk-boards, and I mean, and those things aren’t cheap, I mean… But it’s not like having to pay to get a four-year degree, you can spend- That’s a good point. I’d say 2 to $4,000 and get about everything you need to be able to work with. What about pet grooming? Do you think you could ever be a pet groomer? I tried to do that with Gypsy a little bit, but no, I don’t wanna get in the pet grooming business ’cause boy, if all little dogs is like Gypsy about cutting her hair, and she don’t like it, and you had to hold her, and kinda squeeze her, and we’re carrying Gypsy tomorrow to get her hair groomed, and get her toenails cut. I like the idea of… I mean, I wash my dogs, but they don’t love it, but trimming their nails, that’s the thing that like, they hate that, Jasper hates that, and even when I take ’em… So, I’ll take ’em to the groomer, like I’ll wash ’em once or twice, and then, the next time they’ll go to the groomer, so they can like have their hair trimmed, like all the… They’re not like a poodle, they shed some, but like, trimming their hair around their feet, and their paws, and stuff, and around their ears… But here’s my thing, what Tegan, is that the person’s name? Tegan, I gotta tell ya, do you get that top… The thumbnail off these dogs? Like Jasper, his fingers are down here, and then, way up here, way up here, there’s a thumb, there’s a thumbnail, and that thing grows in a circle, and it will come back, and curl on itself, and he hates anybody touching his legs, Jasper does, he yelps. And the groomer always doesn’t see those, like Jay doesn’t have them, something, they’re a little bit different in their breed enough to like, Jay doesn’t have the thumb thing, but like… So then, I have to go in and cut that thing, and you’d think I was lopping his leg off. Yeah, so decapitating his leg or something. Decapitating his thumb. Gypsy’s the same way Link, she’ll let you cut her back two feet and hold ’em, and do ’em, but something happened with her, I think before Nancy got her, or something. Anyway, boy she don’t… You can’t hardly get a hold of her, you can get hold of her left foot some, and cut it, and do it, but her right foot? You can touch it, and she says… And does… Does the groomer do it? Well, I’m hoping they do it tomorrow. Tonight, when I go in there to get her, I’m gonna say, if I need to, I’ma wiggle… Hold her. “I’ma hold her, and you gonna have to cut these toenails.” Right. Right. Okay, but Tegan, I mean, especially starting in 2020, to start your own business, and make it happen, hey, hats-off to you. Hey, if you made it through that time Tegan, I believe you’ll make it all right from now on. You can, yep. But just do good work, and do what… Try to… Sounds like you like it, so that’s… You got half the battle fixed for you now, so. This show is sponsored by ‘Hello Fresh’. Ditch the meal-planning woes, and dive into Hello Fresh’s biggest menu yet, with over 50 recipes, and even more market items to choose from every single week, and right now, you can save with the taste of summer with fresh seasonal produce, picked at a peak ripeness, and delivered straight from the farm to your door, in less than a week. 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Hello Fresh, America’s number one meal kit. And now it’s time for, ‘How Can We Make This Dirty?’ Being as we feel so patriotic today dad, I want to write down some words that are dirty, that you come up with, so that you can perform the dirty version of ‘The Star-Spangled Banner’, okay? I’m ready, I reckon. We need a noun, and we gotta make it dirty, remember, that’s the whole point. What’s a dirty noun? A dirty noun? Boy, y’all do this stuff with English with me, and I hated English. It’s just a thing, a person, place or thing. Oh, okay. A thing that’s dirty. A thing- A dirty thing. But it wants to be, but don’t? Nope, don’t worry about that at all, don’t you look- Okay. You just… You don’t need to read anything, you just look at me. Okay. Look at me. Just look at you? Okay. Give me a dirty thing. Socks. Well, now I mean, like sexy dirty, but we’ll go with socks, all right. Can we say ‘sexy socks’? Yeah. I got some sexy socks. Okay. All right, sexy socks. I think it needs to be one syllable though, what’s a sexy sock called? A ‘condom’. All right, ‘condom’, that’s it. Sexy sock is a ‘condom’, I mean, yeah. All right, we need a adverb. This is how you do something, it ends in a ‘L-Y’, like ‘quietly’, or- Sexually. I like that, ‘sexually’. Past-tense verb? Something that you did before, ends in like a ‘E-D’, what’s a naughty verb? Humped. Humped! Humped! There it is. Adjective? Describing something that’s scandalous. Orgy. Well, ‘orgy’ is a noun, but we’re gonna put that… All right, so we’ll go with… I need a plural noun, I’m gonna put ‘orgies’ there. We need a descriptive word. Sloppy. Sloppy? Mhm, that’s good. So, ‘sloppy orgies and bright’… Give me another noun, anything that’s dirty. Nipple. Okay, we gotta make it plural though. Nipples. Yep, that is how you make it plural. Okay, give me another dirty adjective. Naked. Naked. Naked. All right. So, adverb? Scrumptious. Scrumptiously. You add a ‘L-Y’ on the end of it, and it makes anything an adverb. Possessive noun? G-strings. G-strings! Adjective? Glowing. Okay. Plural noun? Hot nuts. Hot… Hot nuts. Okay, that are… Okay. Noun? Anus. Anus! Yep, anus. Noun? Sperm. Okay. ‘Sperm-Spangled’. All right. All right, two more. Adjective? Delectable. Delectable makes me electable. And finally, a noun? Clitoris. All right. Here we go, ‘clitoris’. That’s good. That’s good. All right dad, we put all of these words in, and now, we need you to sing the most patriotic dirty song. Turn it on, Logan. All right boys, I’m queuing up ‘The Sperm-Spangled Banner’. ♪ Oh say can you see ♪ ♪ By the condom’s early light ♪ ♪ What so sexually we hump ♪ ♪ At the twilight’s last gleaming ♪ ♪ Who does sloppy orgies ♪ ♪ And bright nipples through the naked fight ♪ ♪ O’er the ramparts we watched ♪ ♪ Were so scrumptious dreaming ♪ ♪ And the g-strings glowing glare ♪ ♪ The hot nuts roasting in the air ♪ ♪ Gave proof through the night ♪ ♪ That our anus was still there ♪ ♪ O say does that sperm-spangled banner yet wave ♪ ♪ O’er the land of the delectable ♪ ♪ And the clitoris of the brave ♪ Wow. ‘The land of the delectable, and the clitoris of the brave’. Wow, I have never been more proud to be an American, and your son. Thank you, father. Well Link, I don’t know how that Star-Spangled Banner’s gonna work out, but I hope it… I hope it does good with our Myrtle Beach ’cause it was fun having you all with us today, and we’ll be back next week for another one. And don’t forget to follow, and subscribe wherever you get your podcast, on YouTube, and while you’re at it, rate, and review us on ‘Apple Podcasts’. And if you’ve got a question, comment, or story you’d like to share with me, email me at ‘ratherbshaggin53@aol.com’, and y’all have a great rest of the week, we can’t wait to spangle your sperm again next time. That’s true. I cannot wait to do that, as long as I look down, and my anus is still there. I’m telling ya. All right, dad. Well, I had fun. Me too. I reckon. Yep, I reckon I did. Love you. Love you too.