(contemporary music) – Welcome to Ear Biscuits, I’m Link. – And I’m Rhett. This week at the Round Table of Dim Lighting, we are going down the rabbit hole. – Again. – Once again. – Yes, right here on this white envelope that I’m, I can’t read what’s in this note card underneath, there is a sealed topic that will start us on a conversation that will lead who knows where, because we don’t even know where it starts. Well I do, it’s in here, but we don’t know what it is. – Somebody pointed out that on social media, you know I’m not much of a social media guy. That’s an inside joke, so I’m not even gonna explain it. – Keep it inside. – Yeah, just between you and me. – And just between you and me, it’s not that great of a joke. – It’s not even that great of a joke. – So you don’t — – It just happened. – You don’t wanna know it. I know you’re frustrated. – I heard somebody say, “isn’t it a rabbit trail”? – Well that’s a good question, and the good answer is no. – Well what’s the difference in rabbit trail a rabbit hole? – A rabbit trail — – You gotta go down the rabbit trail to get to rabbit hole, we’re not gonna waste our time with that. – A rabbit trail is when you’re talking about one thing and then you get sidetracked about talking about another thing which is clearly not what we’re gonna be doing today. – Right, so the distinction is — – That was a joke, that’s exactly what we’re — – No no no, I thought you were actually setting up a good point, I know you’re not a big social media guy but just stay, I’m gonna keep using it, just stay with me because — – It’s becoming an inside joke for all of us even though you don’t know how it originated. now you’re in on it. – Can I just say that I sent a message to an old friend asking for his email, and I sent it through a social media service. – Tell the whole story. – I can’t, I don’t want to tell the whole story because I don’t know how it’s gonna end yet. – Well no but you can tell the context that — – No, because if you give any context at all then they’ll know that it was it’s one of those, ’cause then we’re gonna say their name, you know what I’m saying, like there’s another place that’s happening where their names are being said, so I don’t — – Even I’m confused now, just keep going. – Yeah. – Yeah man. – His response to “can I have your email address” was “I’m not a big social media guy”. (chuckling) – Meaning — – But I reached out on social media. I don’t understand. he thinks I’m gonna go one layer deeper into the social media? Email is one layer back, further away. Isn’t it? – Yes. So a rabbit trail is when you’re talking about one thing and you get distracted. – And you get diverted and you follow it. a rabbit hole is deeper into the same thing. – And Alice in Wonderland people, it’s a direct allusion to Alice in Wonderland. – I don’t want to say — – Right? – Yeah, follow the White Rabbit, I don’t want to say that the rabbit hole doesn’t have a rabbit trail, because I do think the rabbit hole can go anywhere. In other words, there might be a fork in the rabbit hole then we take a, we take a side. – And that would be a rabbit hole trail. – Yeah, that’s less catchy. Could call it a rabbit troll. – Well, no. – But that would be confusing, because people think it was some creature. – Right, especially because of the Alice in Wonderland thing. And that’s all alluding to cocaine by the way. – You’re one of those guys that thinks that all great children’s entertainment just comes from people who were high at the time? – If you play the latest John Mayer album in sync with Alice in Wonderland your mind will be — – You’ll fall asleep. – I like that new John Mayer album. – No, I love it man, but it’s so soothing, John Mayer, he is — – We are big fans of John Mayer. – I’m fans of the new John Mayer, everybody’s like, “back when my body was his Wonderland I liked him,” and then I was like oh no that’s when he sucked, guys. You gotta understand, John Mayer came into his own when he went a little bit country a little bit rock and roll. – Now I’m sure — – And if you disagree with it you’re objectively wrong, have we established that? – I don’t know him personally, I don’t know anything about him personally. I have a feeling — – I like him. – That if you know stuff about him personally you might be like well you shouldn’t like John Mayer because of XYZ reasons. – Because he’s an a-hole, right? – But I don’t even know that. All I know is that I love his latest music, and I also see his tweets, and I really like his his philosophical tweets. – Yeah, he came up with an idea about everyone on hold speaking to one another, like his read most recent viral tweet at the at the time of this recording. – Right. – But then he followed it up with, he got a little anxious because he followed it up with a tweet about how there should be some sort of light irritant in face wash so you would know that you had washed your face in case you forgot, and people are like “you should have left this one as a draft”. (chuckling) – Well he had a series of Twitter drafts, and they’re referring to that, because he would say “you know I’m just gonna I’m gonna tweet all of my drafts that I never sent” and those were funny. – Oh, that was smart. – Because they were contextualized as “I’ve decided not to tweet these”. – Unless you just found one, you know, on its own, which is what happened to me. – So again I mean I mentioned John Mayer being in Zombeavers, and now I’m mentioning him again, and open invitation for John Mayer to come on here. – Anytime, any day of the week. – Bring your guitar, man. or just — – Don’t intimidate us. – Here’s what I want John Mayer to come on our show, but I want him to just play the mouth guitar. – Okay I can accept that, ’cause we could probably hang with him. both of us together? – I play the mouth trumpet, he plays the mouth guitar, and you just take it in like watching the tennis match. – Take it in my mouth? (laughing) – No, what? – I don’t understand, I don’t know if — – What is your problem? You’re a jerk, man. – You said mouth twice and you said you just sit there and take it in, and I was, so my mouth was ready for my instrument. – So if you’re not a social media person, that means, that’s code for I don’t have an e-mail. – I’m not much of a social media guy. so I don’t — – Is that where we were going or do I need, I need to go back out of this rabbit trail so we can talk about the rabbit hole again. – The rabbit hole can be whatever we want it to be, man. but we’re gonna stick with rabbit hole ’cause that’s what we started with. Might I just say that I’m I’m very full right now, I’m on a sugar high, at the time of recording this, I am still 39. – Just say “right now”. – No, I want to say at the time of this recording, because I like to put historical markers on things. that’s what I appreciate, when people do that. – Is that is that that coin you’ve been placing on things around the studio? – Yeah. – It’s like what’s that coin? – Call me the historical marker. – That’s a stupid joke, thank you for going along with it. Thank you for laughing at that joke. I’m still 39, I’ll be 40 tomorrow, and Link and I also went out — – I will cease talking to you until I too turn 40 in June. – You got a while. – Exactly. – Link and I went out to our steak dinner that we promised that we would do in the last chapter of the Book of Mythicality, we said we would stop and celebrate when we finished the book we would go have a steak dinner there would be hollandaise. An interesting thing is, is when we sat down, that we told the waiter “oh we’re gonna need some hollandaise”, and he said there will be hollandaise. – Which is exactly what we wrote in the book. – Did we write it, I think I may have edited that out. – Why’d you edit that out? – I think at one point I think it said there will be hollandaise, but when when you read it earlier today, you didn’t say there will be hollandaise. – We edited it out. – But we did talk about how no would be no hollandaise spilled on the book, but then you purposely spilt hollandaise on the book. Right on your own face. – It looked like I was eating it. – But then not so, oh and the guy said because it was my birthday, first of all, thanks for telling him that it was my birthday, they printed my name on the menu. – No they do that for all the menus. If you go to Morton’s Steakhouse in Burbank — – But it said “happy birthday Rhett”. – Any time of year it says happy birthday Rhett, because odds are, a Rhett’s gonna stroll in, and it’s gonna be his birthday. – And the guy said given that it’s your birthday, would you like a dessert, and of course I never say no to that, I’m not a big social media guy but — (laughing) I’m a big dessert guy, so I had the key lime pie, Link had a bite of it and said that it was too tart for him, it’s not surprising at all. – It was it was better than lemon pie, which is horrible. – Yeah I actually liked that as well. – So it’s not, I didn’t say anything with that statement. – And then — – I left no historical marker on that statement. – And then I got here to the office, and they had a cake for me because it’s my birthday, which I should have thought about because we’re traveling tomorrow. – Well there was a general slack this morning that also said hey guys 3:30 we’re all gonna celebrate Darren’s birthday and Rhett’s birthday a day early. Get ready for that, don’t eat any key lime pie at a steakhouse. – I’m so selfless that those kind of statements just I forgot it’s my birthday tomorrow I don’t think about myself at all. – Nope, I totally agree with that. – So when I saw everybody gathered and, you know, it took it took a few moments for me to realize that I was even a part of it, that the assembly was at least half for me. When I saw the wood cake, I knew that was mine. – Oh the wood cake, I didn’t even get close to it. – I took a picture of it, put it on my, I’m not a big social meeting guy but I did put it on my Instagram. – After a bite of that key lime pie I couldn’t go near your wood cake I didn’t even get to see it. – But I ate it, but it was pure indulgence I mean — – I was in the back of the crowd, I was that guy moping back there thinking about when it was gonna be my birthday. – But the the key lime pie — – Alone. – Was pure indulgence, but then the second dessert on top of it. – The ridiculous. – By the way, my wife is the one that advised them on this — – Was it made out of wood? – No, it had a wood top, but it was just decoration. It just looked like a tree. – Was it edible, or is it that fondant stuff that losers put on cakes when they want to cover up the fact that it doesn’t taste good? – I don’t think that you understand. It looked like this it looked like — – Oh wow. – A tree had been cut. – It’s like a cross section of a tree, “wood you”, what? – And it had a wood joke. – “Wood you guess Rhett’s forty?” That is hilarious. – And then it was a red velvet cake and cream cheese icing, and then ice cream cake. – Oh no they didn’t. – It was so good. – It’s your favorite. – It is. – I wonder how they knew that, I wonder who they asked? – Well that’s what I started with when I said my wife is the one who told them. – Oh, I was trying to take credit for it. – About what should be in it. – Had no part in it, didn’t even see it. – All that to be said all that to say that I could fall asleep at any moment when I come down off the sugar high, if I get quiet or introspective, don’t worry about me, I’m about to turn 40. – You typically get introspective when you’re dozing off? – I’m saying when I get quiet you can just assume that I’m being introspective. – Put it back on the timer so we’ll know how long we have to — – Don’t sell out the inside information. – Torture these people. – We time these things, guys, so we know that we’re not talking for too short or too long. – Man I’m tired too. (laughing) – I’m sorry I made it contagious. – I didn’t even eat any of the cake, Dan. I just called you Dan. – But it’s okay Charlie, you’ve got — – What a weird podcast already. – You’ve got, which is technically your name by the way, so it wasn’t even weird. – Well calling you Dan it’s kind of odd. – Yeah, should have called you Ron. – From now on I want to call you Dan. – That’s fine, let’s get ready to go down this rabbit hole, but first let’s take a moment to shout out our sponsors. Which is us. – The video version of this podcast we sponsor ourselves. In the audio version, we get other sponsors, which may or may not be more legitimate than us sponsoring ourselves. – Can you hold that, Link? – I don’t know how sad this is, but I’m pretty proud of this shirt, it’s got my face on it as a first grader, and Rhett’s face on it as a first grader, this is when we met. You can buy this shirt at mythical.store. – Now, it says Rhett and Link, established 09-04-84, the reason that it’s 09-04 is because one of you guys did some research and went back and somehow looked up the historical records and determined that that was the first day of school for () county school, for () Creek school in 1984, September 4th, which seems about right to me. This is the () shirt, which if you are a partaker of the Book of Mythicality, if not, why not? This is in the Get Lost chapter, this is an animal that will be constructed using CRISPR in the future, we talk all about this animal — – Under our supervision. – This is an animal that’s incapable of getting lost because it has all the different characteristics of animals that can not get lost, in one animal. – Mythical.store, support internetainment, you can get this Ear Biscuits jar. And if you put your ear up to it, you can hear us talking. – Not yet. – We ready to open this up? – Mhm. Alright, brace yourself kids, we’re going down the rabbit hole. Bend over rabbit, we’re coming in. – Is this, oh gosh. Is this still a question — – That’s not how it works, it’s a place where a rabbit lives. – Yeah, I don’t even wanna, yeah. – The prompt was “what are you thinking right now?” So it could be anything. – Talin Hansen asks, “what did my dog name me?” – Oh, snap. I got a dog. – What did my dog name me? – It’s in my lap right now. – Oh I forgot, I forget about your dog. – Look at her, she just sits there. – My dog does not just sit there. – Just listen, this is for the audio people. She’s sniffing the mic, oh she just licked this inside of my mouth. I didn’t think I’d ever become that guy. – Yeah but I thought that you Neals didn’t like the dog licking on the face? – I don’t like it, but I secretly feel loved by it. – Us McLaughlins man, we make out with Barbara all the time, it’s so gross. It’s so gross. – She’s bored of this thing. But you can look at her face, sometimes she’ll be looking at me, and I’m like, what are you thinking I’m called? No, I’ve been like, what are you thinking? But I’ve never thought, I wonder what she calls me. But didn’t the movie Up answer this question? – Because of the device? – Yeah man, the device. – That was a Pixar movie, that was make believe. You know, I’ve made out with your dog. – That’s… Like, in secret? – No, I mean like today. – You wanna do it right now? – I’ll let her lick my face, I don’t care. – Well, do you wanna make out with my dog? – I mean, I don’t give tongue back if that’s what you’re asking. But I accept tongue from dogs. Not into the mouth. – Dan, do not ever make out with my dog unless I’m watching again. It’s like, how weird do you wanna make this? – I’m just saying, that I, first of all, people are like, “it’s gross and it’s dirty” but dogs used to lick wounds back when they did things like put leeches on people. – Get hurt? Oh, you mean humans’ wounds? – Yeah. – You’re talking about historically, when someone would get hurt, they’d put of dog on the wound to lick it? – I seem to think that that could be the case. Again we’re not allowed to look anything up until the end of the podcast so no internet references. – Well I didn’t know that was a rule. – But last time it worked so well. – Okay. Because if a dog has a wound they lick it, hence the saying a dog licks its wounds. – I don’t — – I think that’s the saying. – Also a dog would () its own vomit. Which is also true and should make me not wanna make out with them. But, what I’m saying is that, the dog wants to lick my face, it is a natural thing that the dog wants to do — – That’s ’cause the smells coming out of it are food-like. – Well that may be part of it, but it’s also, as I’ve been told, a form of the dog submitting to you is licking your face. So the dog is like, that’s what they would do, you’re like the pack leader, you know? All the humans in the family, the dog is subordinate to all the humans. – Right, when I go up to Jade’s food, she backs away. Like she literally backs away, like tail first in submission. And sometimes I’m like filling her bowl with food, and then when I leave, she’ll come back up and starts to eat it, but she submits to my authority to eat the food first, which in desperate situations I do partake. And then she’ll come back in, so yeah she definitely knows that I’m in charge. But that doesn’t keep her from sometimes snapping. – At you? – Even at me, yeah. – Does jade ever do, like — – Like in the bed, like if she gets comfortable anywhere, not just in the bed, but she does sleep in the bed with me and Christy most of the time, I would say eight out of 10 nights, and the other two nights she might sleep with one of the other kids. If she gets in that nestled in, a perfect spot that she wants to be in, and then if it’s like, well I wanna be in that spot, she gets mad, it’s like (growling), it’s like that’s exactly the noise she makes. – Does she have a mad play mode? Because like what Barbara would do is, I can get Barbara so worked up where she’s just growling and going nuts, and she looks like a rabid vicious dog. – By the way there’s an L in growling. – But she is playing with me. Like she bites me but it’s super soft and it’s all part of a game, she looks crazy, she’s making crazy noises, but we’re just playing, and I’m poking her in the stomach and stuff and she — – Are you making growling noises too? – Oh yeah. – Oh yeah? – But she would never actually bite me, and then as soon as I stop, she knows okay, that kind of playtime is over now. But she’s not actually mad. – My — – I feel like Jade would, if Jade got to the point Jade would actually be biting. – Well, with Barbara, like when we bring them both to the office — – They do it with each other. – They do it together, like, they’re like intensely growling and at each other’s throats literally. And Barbara’s like 1/3 of the size, well — – 1/3 bigger. – 1/3 bigger than Jade, but she’s more submissive, like she’ll roll over, ’cause she’s, I don’t know, it’s interesting why that’s the dynamic, Jade is much more persnickety. – I think it’s just the breed. – Breed type thing? But they both will like, gnaw at each other’s necks, which is the kill zone. But they’re just playing because no one has been killed. She does that occasionally with me but we don’t play that way that often. – I don’t really that often either. – I mean Jade is much more like a cat. like she just wants to lay in a spot, and then occasionally I’ll open the front door, and she’ll dart out onto the front lawn, and then she’ll just run around in circles, and it’s just like getting out all this, like tension, and then she’ll like sniff something, and then she’ll pee, and then she’ll dart back in the house, and she’ll find a spot and she’ll growl if you try to move her, that’s her life. – Barbara just wants to be on you, whoever you are, doesn’t have to be a family member, it could be somebody who just came over, like if you lay down, she comes up, she gets on top of you and puts her feet, one foot on each side of your face, and then just starts licking your face. And then when she stops licking your face, she just puts her head on your face, and just waits until you get her off of it. – She’s very sweet, Jade is not. – And that’s what she wants in the morning, like she sleeps at the foot of the bed, in the bed, yes in the bed. – Under the covers? – No. – Jade will sleep under the covers. – And as soon as you wake of and kind of roll over and she knows, oh, human’s awake, and the next thing you know, she’s in that position. – I know you’ve talked about this before, and you talked about how you would do your stretches — – She does it when I do the stretches too. – She would perch on you, and it made me cry remember? – I’m trying to make you cry again. – Don’t make me cry again, we’ve already talked about this. But the problem with Jade that we’re having is we’re coming to grips with the fact that we didn’t know this, but as a breed, I was about to say Weimaraner but she’s not a Weimaraner. – She’s not anything close to that. – What is she a Wienerschnitzel? – She’s a Dachshund. – A Dachshund. – A miniature Dachshund. – She’s a long-haired miniature Dachshund mixed with a papillon, of course the person we adopted her from lied about what she was and says she was purebred. – Same thing for us. – And I think we talked about that too but what, what she what we discovered is that, the Dachshund part of her DNA dictates that she is very difficult to housebreak or house-train, or whatever you call it. Potty break? Use the bathroom outside. They’re notorious for this, and of course you know we write about this in the book about how how we picked Jade and the mistakes we made, I don’t regret picking Jade, I mean all of this is in the chapter the book so I’d rather not rehash that, I want to reward those of you who are gonna read that. But as a side product of how we went about picking the dog, erroneously, I never knew that oh this is a big deal, they like to they like to sneak away and pee and poop other places. It is a daily battle, and it will be with us the rest of her life, to keep her from peeing and pooping in other places, and it drives me nuts. But — – Why don’t you just embrace it? – I love her so much. – Why don’t you just embrace it? – What do you mean, just let pee and poop be everywhere? – Lots of people do that. – I can’t be that person. So I will just, I’ll go into a frenzy of trying to get it up. Now I like it when she poops in the house, that’s how bad it’s gotten. – Whoa whoa whoa, what? – I would prefer like if I, you know, if we could have a talk, I’m looking at her right now, I’m like Jade, I don’t care if you poop in the house, just lay a log anywhere you want, they’re pretty self-contained, they’re pretty dry. After a few seconds I can just reach down, pick it up, throw it in the toilet and flush it like a human turd. But it’s the pee that’s the problem. I mean you leave a little circle here, you leave a little circle there, and once you’ve left a circle I understand that you’re compelled to then leave a circle on top of the circle, you’re making Venn diagrams on all of our rugs, and it’s unacceptable. – She doesn’t look like she cares. – It’s frickin’ unacceptable, and we can’t get it up. – She doesn’t look ashamed at all, she looks mildly annoyed with you. – Look at me, look at me. Look at me now Jade. Jade. Jade, listen, that rug that we have in our bedroom, it’s like a sheet, don’t kiss me. – Oh, she’s submissing, she’s submissing to you. – Don’t make out with my face when I’m reprimanding you. – You can make out with me, you wanna make out with me? (laughing) – She looks sad. Okay play-by-play, Rhett’s coming over to get, ugh, don’t kiss the mustache. – I don’t care, I like it. – She just licked the inside of my mouth, and then she licked your mustache, dude. – It’s self-cleaning, she, she took care of it in a few seconds before it came to me. Jade I love you no matter what, but it annoys me when you pee in the house. – But you just said you’re gonna have to deal with it, I just say get a yellow, yellow carpet and just — – A yellow carpet with varying colors of yellow in like a Venn diagram type pattern? – A calico yellow carpet, be like I don’t know where she pees. Somewhere. – you know what — – Everywhere. – Just get a white carpet she’ll make that. – But let’s dig into this question, what did my dog name me, now interestingly the question behind the question is what’s going on inside of a dog’s brain? – Right, and like, when I was holding up Jade for that, you know, the thing I was doing, the bit, right. She looks you said she looked, you personified her reaction in that moment. – Yeah but she’s not annoyed because I don’t believe that they, I mean they can be annoyed, but it isn’t the same type of, type of annoyance that… If she’s annoyed it wouldn’t manifest itself on her face, because dogs have not evolved to a place where they’re reading the facial expressions of each other for, that’s not how they communicate, humans on the other hand, our faces communicate very specific things to each other, right, but — – And monkeys. – Well yeah but we’re taking those facial expressions and we’re projecting them onto the dog, whereas the dog does not have any point of reference for understanding other dogs facial expressions so, actually, so interesting, couple of things I do think apply apply here. – Yeah? – Domesticated dogs, again we can’t look anything up on the internet so this is like a serious paraphrase, but domesticated dogs have actually — – Meaning this is BS. – No it’s not BS, I’m saying that it’s a paraphrase so I’m not going to get it exactly right, but domesticated dogs, as in Jade, Barbara, dogs that have been bred by humans, one of the things that separates them from wolves, is their ability to make and maintain eye contact with humans. And I think I’m not wrong in saying this that they may be, I mean obviously I think they’re the only non-primate mammals that are capable of that type of connection with a person. – And then when they don’t make eye contact, that is the sign of submission. I think I’ve heard Cesar say that. I’m paraphrasing of course. – Right but what I’m saying is they don’t make eye contact with each other. – Hmm. – They don’t make eye contact with each other, they make eye contact with humans. – They make nose to butt contact with each other. – They have no reason, they’re relying on a lot of different things, mostly smell. And then maybe like overall body language or something but they’re not, and obviously you know they hear things, and growling and that kind of thing, and biting and — – You cannot say the word growl can you? – Growling, but that doesn’t, they don’t look at each other and think “oh he has a mean look on his face in his eyes”, they don’t they don’t talk to each other in that way. – It’s funny because last night we were in bed and Christy goes “Jade just seems depressed lately”. Now I think a dog can be depressed. I certainly, I know that to be true. – But you’re not gonna find that on the dog’s face. – You’re just not gonna look at the dog’s face and know that, because she looks sad, but sometimes if her if her nose is down and she’s looking up it’s just the sheer shape of her face makes her look sad, and that’s why, that’s what I love about her. – And sometimes you’ll see a dog that’s smiling. – Yeah that’s … – But Barbara does this thing where — – That’s like saying a jack-o’-lanterns happy. – She’s got all this hair right around here, she basically got like a beard, and she will lie down on the bed, and then like the covers will kind of push this up, and she’ll turn to me and she’s got this, her hair is going like this and it looks like a giant smile, but she’s not smiling even when the dog smiles, and you see the corners of it doesn’t, again, they haven’t, there’s nothing genetically happening that is contributing to a smile, that you’re just totally perceiving that, but that doesn’t mean there can’t be some, like a, you know, it’s body language like disposition to know that the dog is depressed. – Like last night when I got home and started going in the front door I heard her barking around the side where the trash cans are where she is supposed to poop and pee. And so I snuck around there and I went through the gate, and I just busted through the gate, and I was like (crazy shouting) and I just went nuts, and she freaked — – Hold on, but for what reason? – To freak her out. She freaked out because it was kind of dark over there, and she’s like running around — – But hold on, you realize this is counterproductive to trying to get her to go outside and relax and use the bathroom? – Well I didn’t think about that until — – She’s finally in the one space, she may have been getting ready to release it, and you’re like no no no, all she hears is that no this is not supposed to happen, so you just set yourself back months. – Mmm that’s a good point Rhett. – Don’t do that again. – That is a good point. So anyway, she’s freaking out, and then I’m like hey it’s me, and then she realized it was me, and like the tail went up and started wagging and she comes up to me and she does this dance on her hind legs like one of those dogs that you like, have to like, put in the circus for years. – You don’t have to put them in the circus. – Well that you they have to be in the circus for years to learn how to do that. I mean it is a skill to enslave a dog to that level. my dog does it naturally. I’m pretty proud of that, and, but I was interpreting her body language as acceptance, unacceptable, I mean unconditional love and thorough acceptance, and relief that I wasn’t a bear or a trash monster. – And so she went inside and pooped. – She did. – To reward you. – Yeah. I do not, I don’t punish her for if I don’t catch her in the act, we don’t punish her, we’ve read everything we need to read about how to deal with it, and I don’t want to get into the potty training, but — – You only use positive reinforcement. – Yeah yeah so — – Which you know, we do the same thing — – We do not — – Not convinced that it works, but that’s what I try. – We do not shame or in any way abuse the most valuable member of our family. – You just scare the dog. – Well she knew it was just a prank. – That was just a prank, she knew it was a prank. – I mean she was like so relieved, just in the way that you are when you watch a horror movie. – Another fact that we can set on the table to see if this is going to help us get to this answer, is there was a another recent study, where they put dogs into CAT scan machines, – MRI? – No that’s an MRI, this is like a brain scan. – Oh true. – So, they basically did a scan of the dog’s brain, first of all they had to train dogs to be able to lie still inside of a CAT scan machine and not be freaked out by the noise, and that was a feat in and of itself. – There’s got to be a CAT dog scan joke somewhere in there. – Yep, you take some time to figure that out. – I’ll be thinking about that. – And the what they discovered, well I’m gonna, so I don’t know if you heard me talk about this or you read it but, they compared rewarding an animal, a dog, with food, or rewarding a dog with praise from a person, its owner, and how do you think the dog, what do you think the difference is, what’s a stronger motivator for dogs, rewarding with food or rewarding with praise? – I think the the heart of a dog has a much greater capacity than the stomach of a dog. So I think the biggest factor is is the dog hungry or not? – So you did a little flipperoony on that? You started to say one thing and then you came to the opposite conclusion, was that on purpose? – No, definitely not. The heart of a dog is much bigger than the stomach of a dog. – And then you said so it was the food, which is the opposite of which you were implying. – No, so I’m saying the food is the limiting factor, that was not my answer, that was my rationale to give my answer which I’ve yet to give. – Okay, give your answer. – which is, praise. – Okay. – Well, it turns out, now I was thinking when I started to read this, I was thinking about Barbara, always thinking about Barbara — Does she love food or praise? – So she loves food. like she loves praise, but if I have, if it’s been established that I have treats, you think you got Jade dancing like a circus dog, I can get Barbara to drive a friggin’ golf cart. – You can get her to go out and purchase a golf cart, and then drive it back. – No I had her caddy an entire round of golf at Hilton Head last summer. – Hilton Head, they don’t allow you to have flashy billboards, it’s a really classy place. – But you can have dog caddies. It was amazing — – There’s a cat, doggie caddy somewhere in there, I’ll think about it. – The first nine holes, I had to tell her which club I needed. – Right, right. – And then she would bring it. – But you’d give her a treat when you told her — – I had to keep giving her treats, the second nine holes, she measured the distance and had the club waiting. – And did you have to still give treats? – Yes. – Right. – The moment that I run out of treats — – She’s swimming in the pond. – On the back nine, hole 15, par-five, dogleg left. – Oh, dogleg. Dogleg left she’d dogleg right? – I’m setting up, we got a nice seven mile per hour left-to-right wind, so I’m like, I’m gonna play a little draw, but the draw will be taken off because of the left-to-right wind, and it’ll just land nicely on the other side of that sand trap, Barbara was in complete agreement with this. – Yeah. – But she says, with that wind, you may wanna use a three-wood instead of a driver, so I went with the three-wood, but then I ran out of treats. And then I didn’t know whether or not I should go for the green on the second shot, or if I should lay up. – And where was she? – By that point because I didn’t have any food, he was completely acting like a dog, she was licking herself, she was just finding different weird stuff. – She was humping anything? – Humping things left and right. She doesn’t even have a penis and she still humping, ’cause she’s seen other dogs hump. – Right. – Really going deep with this one. – So what did you what club did you choose and what happened? – I went for it I over landed in the water. – You blew it. – Yeah I should have laid up. – No you should have brought more treats. – Yeah, yeah I double bogeyed basically out the rest of the back nine. Now — – Is she is she interested in giving it a swing? – No, she’s just interested giving me advice. – She knows her role. – Yeah. So as I was saying, very motivated by food. – Did you ever praise her when you ran out of treats, were you like, good advice girl? – Yeah it doesn’t work, that’s my point, she does not respond, she actually, so she poops outside, and you know we actually had a trainer come, you remember this, I paid to have this woman show up once a week for a couple of months. – Mm-hmm. – To like, and it was one of those things where it’s just like everything she told me I was like, that seems so obvious but the fact that you’re here telling me this makes it more likely that we’ll actually enact something, you know. – Did you pay her in treats by the way? – No she insisted on cash. – Dang. – And a lot of it man, you know Southern California dog trainers, that’s like a doctor in North Carolina. – You shoulda got a prenup. – So, Barbara is so attuned to the food, that she comes in after pooping and I’m like good girl, like she’s got this look on her face like she’s looking at my hands and she’s like trying to get an angle on my hands ’cause she’s just like if you don’t have a treat I don’t care. And we’re talking about a dog that loves people so much. So anyway — – But she loves that treat. – That was the anecdotal evidence that I was bringing to this particular study, so when I actually heard that — – Was a web survey, I can’t remember. – No it was a scientific study. – This wasn’t like one of those like click here to decide which Harry Potter character you are? – Typically they don’t have to use, they wouldn’t actually use a CAT scanning machine in a web survey. – I remember now. – This was doctors and scientists. – This is a study you read. – So anyway, you stole my thunder a little bit because you guessed praise but it’s actually they’re even, which is I think for the average person, that was a surprise, that dogs would respond to praise just as much as they respond to food, because a lot of times because I think most people are just like well, my dog only loves me because I am the one that feeds it, and I think a lot of people say that about cats, and that may be true about cats. – I don’t know nothing about cats. – But I’m not going to make any statements about cats other than I do not like them. – Hate ’em, actually. – But I do know that, a lot of people are like cats would eat you if they could, right, might be true, I don’t know. – If their jaw but unhinge like a boa. – But there are definitely cases of — – Imagine coming home and seeing it an unhinged jaw of your house cat wrapped around, I don’t know, a toddler. – Oh gosh Link. – That’d be scary, dream about that tonight. – I’m not gonna dream about that, I’m gonna do everything I can to wipe that image from my brain for the rest of the day. – Fine, a snake, a cat eating a snake. – But there are cases of dogs — – Whole. – Taking care of their owners after they die, so. – Well, there’s not much to take care of. – No, like staying by, like first of all there’s cases of dogs — – Sentinel. – Taking care of a person who’s sick and can’t get up, like bringing them things, but there’s also cases of dogs staying next to their owner that has died until someone comes to help, and these dogs are deprived of water and food, but they don’t start eating the person. I’m no scientist but I do believe a cat would eat a person. You know I have to think about cats. But it turns out that it is evenly praise — – Nick is over there nodding nodding but you are a dog person. – Exactly. – Yeah, you own a dog, so you’re like uh huh, we’re all biased. – No no, but I think that — – I had a cat as a kid. – Again, scientifically, wouldn’t you say that cats are, have been less domesticated than dogs? I mean a cat, if you have a cat with the exception of maybe just a few breeds, you don’t have to keep it inside. I mean like if you just let it go off it’ll bring birds and fish and squirrels, but if I let Barbara outside, Barbara would be eaten within the first 12 hours by some other animal. She’s not, they’re all — – There are breeds of dogs that would bring back all types of animals too, but I’m saying there are certain breeds, you’re saying more cats are more likely as a whole to be like, savage hunters, you have to get a certain breed of dog to make that happen. – And also cats don’t respond nearly as much to humans — – Anything. – You don’t have cats like, I’m sure there are people who do cat tricks, like — – Yeah. – Sitting and, but they can’t do nearly what dogs do because the connection is not nearly as great, and cats don’t come up to you and look, do you have any food you have food, I love you, it doesn’t happen some people prefer that, it’s fine. – Usually. But I’m sure there are cats — – I’m sure we’ll get comments about — – Very dog-like. – Like my cat loves me. – I’m getting really nervous about taking a hard line on cats. – How did you even get into cats man? – Man, screw cats. – I just want to talk about, you just took a really hard line on cats again. – Screw us talking about cats ’cause we’re stupid. – Let’s talk about dogs. – We ain’t got no business talking about cats. – So basically I’ve said all this to get to two points that I want to consider so we can answer this question definitively, scientifically. – Holistically and permanently. – You’ve got the fact that they can make eye contact with people so there’s a connection with people but also that they respond to praise from their human owners, now I do acknowledge that there are some people who are uncomfortable with that word, but you gotta — – Human? – No, human owners, you got to suggest it, you got to come up with something. If you’re gonna have a problem with using to term owner for someone who takes care of a dog, you gotta, it’s not friend is it, it’s not mom, you gotta come up with something. Before you start tearing something down as the long held tradition, you got to have something you got to replace it with something, okay, that’s my note for the people who don’t want to be called owners of dogs. – What about furpanion? – There’s actually a whole movement of people who don’t believe, furpanion, that’s good. – Furpanion. – I like that a lot. – There you go, so get off it. – Furpanion, okay. – Yeah, take it back. – Well, but — – You were pretty irate for no reason. – You don’t even believe that though. – You worked up a lot of ire. – There are people who don’t believe that we should have pets at all, they think the whole industry of having pets is wrong. They think that — – Oh gosh, I’m getting scared. – They think that having pets — – And I live in California, you know a couple years now we’re gonna be that liberal. We’re gonna be relinquishing Jade to the wild, we’re gonna spend the next three years training Jade and Barbara to live on their own as fully realized humans. – But what will happen, now first of all — – I cannot go on record, they’re gonna be pulling this up. – Now I do believe — – 10 years. – If I let Barbara out at Hilton Head she’d just get a job as a caddy and she’ll take care of herself. But anywhere other than Hilton Head, ’cause they don’t allow dogs to caddy anywhere else as far as I know. – What about Boca Raton? – I haven’t been there. – She could do it there. – I don’t know, it’s too humid. – Everything’s pink in Boca Raton. – But assuming she doesn’t get a job as a caddy I think she’s gonna get eaten by a coyote. – Oh. – You know? – Certainly. – And so, I feel like I’m giving Barbara her best life now. – (snickering) Joel — – Sometimes I call Joel Osteen. – Man. – And I’m like Joel, how do I get my– – So are we going real liberal or are we quoting Joel Osteen, I don’t know what’s happening. – No, Joel, first of all Joel, I know you’re a listener. Joel, what you need to do, your next book needs to be “give your dog its best life now”. It could be a collaboration with Caesar. – Furpanion. – And then we introduce the term furpanion — – But we own that term. – Yeah well that’s copyrighted, we took care of that before this came out. So anyway where are we going with this? – Oh man did we just hit the end of the rabbit trail? – Oh no no no no no we haven’t. – All we got to do is back up and go to the main crevice of the hole. I took a rabbit trail off of the rabbit hole when I started getting on the people who don’t believe that we should own animals as pets. Okay maybe that’s a different rabbit hole for a different time. – I’ll say this to get back to what does Jade call me, what does Barbara call you in their own mind, on the ownership tip, I mean I do think that Jade, they’re pack animals you’re either the alpha or you’re submissive, and maybe there’s some furpanion relationships where the dog is the alpha in the relationship with the human, and they you know, you baby, you do everything that the dog wants and your life revolves around the dog and hey, who am I to judge vocally on this podcast, but — – Hold up, I have a loophole on the furpanion thing though. – I’m just, my — – Skinless cat, skinless cat. – What are you talking about, a skinless cat? – Hairless cats man. – Man. – Sorry. – Let me finish my point before you start bringing… Man that’s just, the organs exposed in the cat? That’s gross, man. – Well that’s all the rage have you seen on the Westside? Have you seen the skinless cats the ladies are carrying around in the purses? Dan, you gotta quit. – It’s basically just a face and organs that fits in your purse, you have to have a purse. – It’s like a biology demonstration. – There’s a doctor in West Hollywood that you go to, and he — – It’s an anatomical — – And he breeds it but it has to be, the cat hasn’t been taken out of this bag, and — – Oh God (laughing). – And put into a purse. – What? – That’s how it’s made. – Is it like, do you have to reinforce it with like chicken wire? – I’m sorry I said skinless, it’s hairless. Hairless cat’s can’t be furpanions, they don’t have any fur. And there are some hairless dogs too, right? Isn’t that a breed? – Hairless cats are cats too man. – I know that but are they furpanions? We’ll come back to that. The name does discriminate against hairless cats. – Yeah we can’t have that. – And skinless cats for that matter. I mean I just pictured like a bunch of chicken wire wrapped around a cat’s organs. – Yeah that’s a bad mental picture. But continue your point. – Oh you want to replace that mental picture with a cat eating a toddler? Go back to that one. Man that cat’s jaw just really gets unhinged, I never thought I could get around the head of that big-headed toddler. We’re not talking about this anymore are we? – No, you are, but I’m kind of letting it die. – Well the point that I was making was, in every Wolf Pack there’s an alpha and then there’s the others. So the dog wants you to be the alpha. I mean they’ll fall in line, I mean it’s just it’s how they work, it’s how they would work in the wild. – Sometimes they they want to be the alpha if you don’t, Cesar says that that’s one of the big problems when you’re not the Alpha they see themselves as the alpha, then things get out of hand real fast. – And you got to fix that. – And it’s tough to come back from that. Caesar can do it with the help of Joel Osteen. – I think that my dog names me Alpha. I think my name to Jade is Alpha. – Okay, is that your answer? – Right now it is. – I think I have the real answer. – I don’t like what your retort implied about my answer. – Oh I have another answer, I have an alternative answer. – Okay, yes. – Now, it has been documented as well that dogs, obviously dogs understand their own names. And this can be demonstrated, one of the most entertaining ways I’ve ever seen it demonstrated, is there’s a YouTube video of a pack of dogs at the bottom of the stairs. – Oh no I thought, I’ll remind you of the other one but go ahead. – And it’s like a bunch of the same breed of dogs, Border Collies or something, and there’s literally like eight to ten dogs, and they’re all standing at the bottom of the stairs and they all want to come upstairs, and then the owner calls them each by name, and they one by one, and it’s like Donner, Blitzen, like as she calls the name — – Santa, were you talking about Santa? – They, one by one, they know their names so well, and I’d venture to say that they can look at the other one that’s that didn’t happen in the video as far, I haven’t watched it for that reason, but in other words they recognized names — – But you could rewatch it for that reason. – And I’m sure there are cases of dogs knowing that, oh she just said Donner, that’s my buddy here. There’s actually another video going around of two dogs and they’re trying to get the one to sit and the older dog puts his paw on the back of the other dog and makes him sit so they’ll get a treat. – What? – ‘Cause he knows what’s going on, he’s like she’s telling you to sit just sit dummy. – So we can both get a treat? – So they can definitely recognize human language, but the problem is — – What about the video, first of all what about the video where you were showing me this one, where the person would say something and then the dog would run over and put its face in a hole? – Yeah yeah yeah. – What it wasn’t a hole was it? What was the word? – Well a lot of this is I follow him on Instagram, is it Tony Baker, is that his name? – It sounds like it. – Comedian, and he’s a stand-up comedian but he’s known for doing these voiceovers of these animal videos, that’s why I started following him, he does a bunch of them, and so a lot of these kind of come through his feed, and one of them is this a little like Pomeranian that when you bring out the toe clippers, like a toenail clippers — – Yes, so like he has his iPhone. – The dog will go into like a house. – First of all, did he make the video or did he rip the video and then he voiced it over right? – Yeah, he doesn’t make any of the videos. – Yeah. – But this little Pomeranian goes into a house, but it will go into whatever is it can go, and it keeps getting smaller and smaller through the video. – So once you hold up the toenail clippers it goes to the closest thing that it can hide in. – It’ll get in a bag, it’ll get like, but then by the end it’s like a cup and it’s just like sticking its nose into the cup. That’s the way that it’s hiding. – Like a like a toddler sticking its face into a cat’s mouth. – It’s hilarious. That’s a great video to watch, but that doesn’t really support any of the points that I’m making right now. – But it’s funny though. – And my question is, when do you have time to watch these videos? Like you showed me the one and it was hilarious and like never since then have I been like “I gotta find that feed, I gotta look at the dogs”. – Well I’m not a big social media guy or anything but I do have an Instagram account that I go on and I follow people, and so it comes up in the feet and I watch it. I do have a problem though, because I’ll get into I’ll just, you know, I do the thing where Twitter, Instagram, newsfeed, whatever, and I’d like go through them a couple of times before I go to bed then I go through them again when I wake up, it’s bad, I’m addicted to my phone and it’s not good. For a while there I didn’t have my phone next to me, I was putting it in the bathroom. That lasted a couple weeks. That’s another conversation. But let me, I want to get to this — – You never told me what you thought Barbara calls you. – Well that’s what I’m getting to. – Is it though? – So we know that dogs can recognize names, and we also know that dogs have the ability to vocalize things, they have some sort of language right? (Link howls) – Now but that’s just mockery at that point, or more that’s just mimicry at that point. (Link howls questionably) – No but they don’t know what they’re doing at that point, they’re doing something, I don’t know how you get a dog to do that, I’m sure they could do that in Hilton Head. – I peed in your bedroom. – But what happens with, so we talked about this before, you know how when a wolf, or a dog, but this has been documented more with wolves. – Okay. – When they howl, if you’ll notice sometimes you’ll play like a musical instrument or you play music or you’ll make your own howling noise. – Mm-hmm. – And a dog will begin to howl, and the dog never hits the same note as you, and it’s not because dogs can’t sing, but it’s been documented that they actually purposely hit different frequencies, so a bunch of wolves howling together, they don’t all hit the same note, they hit, and it’s not harmonics, they don’t hit harmonies, but they almost hit like purposely dissonant different notes — – As their own sound signature I guess. – Yeah so they so they have the ability to do pretty complex vocalizations, but I don’t believe that it’s been documented that they have names for each other. Now I realize I’m taking the scientific approach here. But they have the ability — – Because whales do. – Oh yeah, oh whales do, dolphins do, and they name themselves as babies. – Yeah. – Right, they, which is an interesting, which sounds like a very Southern California thing that’ll start happening with kids. You know, let’s let the children name themselves. – So then all kids will be named (cries). – Yeah exactly, it’ll be chaos. Which is why dolphin society is such a mess right now. – Right, they really, someone needs to step in. – Right. – Yeah. – Too free-spirited, those dolphins are too free-spirited. They need more structure, you know, they got to have a leader, they gotta have a strong leader but they want the kids to be in charge and that’s where they’re having so many troubles. – Right, if you want to play golf you got to deal with the runoff. – Got it. So, I think the definitive answer to this unfortunately is that your dog cannot name you, but your dog can recognize your name. And if it’s a smart dog it will recognize your name, so in other words I’m sure we could find a YouTube video of this, let’s say there’s a family there standing there and you’d say Barbara go to Link, Barbara go to Rhett, and Barbara, if Barbara was smart and trained would be able to do that. – I’ve seen this video, and it is a dog who is told to get a specific toy. – Exactly. – And it’s a basket full of toys and then they’re like, gray wolf, go get the ham bone. Brings back to ham bone, gray wolf, go get the creepy clown face that squeaks but no longer squeaks because you damaged it. Then he goes and gets the creepy clown face that squeaks but no longer squeaks because he damaged it. I’ve seen this video, so I think you’re onto something. – But this real question is — – Tony Baker didn’t voice it over. – Will a dog at some point, be able to, like because the real question is, is the dog in its own mind like processing something that could be the equivalent of a name when it thinks of you, and I would and I would think that the number one identifier that a dog uses with a person is smell, wouldn’t you think? Wouldn’t you think that it’s a smell signature? No ’cause I walked through my front door and then there’s a vestibule, a lobby if you will, to my home, and then there’s another door, double door, that’s mostly glass, which so basically when I walk in my front door — – This is why you never respond when I come to your house and knock on the door and ring the doorbell, because A, the doorbell does not work even though you insist that it does, and B, I knock but I’m knocking on the outside of the vestibule. – Right you need to have access — – But you’ve locked — – To the inner sanctum. – You’ve locked access to the inner sanctum. – Which I’ve not given you. – And then I text you, “I’m here, I’m here”, and then seven minutes have passed and I’m just — – Don’t have reception. – I’m just a doofus on the, even though you say oh no, I’ve got reception, I have a special antenna that we — – We built. – That we built, that we bought, that gives us perfect reception. Well that’s not working either man. So many times I’ve looked like a strange robber on your doorstep. Seven to ten minutes just sitting there trying to pick my way in and think should I just go around the back, one time I did go around the back. – You scared J when she was trying to poop. – Yeah. – You set me back a couple of months. – So anyway when I come home and I’m standing in my vestibule it’s basically like I’m in my own, I’m an exhibit in the zoo, I can see the whole rest of the house ’cause the double doors are almost all glass. Jade can also see me, and she goes ape crap for me, what can I say, I’m that fabulous, but she does not smell me yet. – Oh she probably does smell you. She probably does smell you. – Well I will say this — – But she’s probably also sees you and can recognize you. – She woke us up barking the other morning, and she’s going nuts, and I went out second floor, I went out on the balcony and looked down. Well actually I don’t know why I said me because it wasn’t me it was Christy. – Oh I think we just learned something about — – I was making Christy’s story my own, I don’t know why. – You have a tendency to do this. – No I was in the vestibule, so I was trying to tell that story but I got sidetracked. This is Christy story, I’m not gonna commandeer it. But she did tell me in such a vivid fashion that I felt like I experienced it. And she did take a video. So she goes out there and there’s a bear down there in our backyard. – Yeah. – Because we back up to some woods and like, there’s one bear that turns over a trash can and like goes all around. well there was just one window open and Jade smelled the bear, because I don’t think we heard the bear, the bear was very quiet. – Yeah bears are quiet. – I think she could smell me through the vestibule. – But you don’t smell as strong as a bear. – So what’s your point, if you’re right about that which I didn’t mean to support you but I guess I did, then your point is… – Your dog names you with a smell. – Even though I do agree that we’ve made a lot of progress in believing that they do know the names of their owner, if they’re as smart as that dog that can pull out the ham bone. So dogs are certainly capable of knowing their owners names. So if I’m sitting next to Jade and then Christy’s like Link sit, she’ll reach over and like put a paw on my butt. – Well that is the question, as many times as it’s, like Barbara obviously and Jade obviously knows like, they are members of the family and like, Barbara knows that like okay there’s the there’s the big one, that’s me, and then there’s the one with long hair, that’s Jessie, and then you’ve got the kids, you’ve got, she’s like okay Shepherds the one that messes with me and kind of annoys me and gets me to bark a lot because he’s the youngest, so she obviously — – And Jade’s like Lando doesn’t know Lando, is like that little one, that’s the one I would eat first if they all died. – Right. – I think that we should grab a laptop and we should Google and see if we’re right, because our final answer Talin Hansen, what did my dog name me, you know what, my answer at first was Alpha, but now dang it do I have to agree with you? I want to make a united front here, you have swung me to say that our official answer is that dogs know your name, but they don’t call you by that name in their own brain, they what? We were only just saying that they smell. They know you by smell so it’s just like, they have a language of smell so it’s a smell name that doesn’t use human vocabulary. Cody, you had googled Google. I hope you’re not offended if I replace that. – If you do that too many times your computer will blow up. – I’m gonna google. – Every time you google Google it really creates a lot of problems. – What did my dog name me, question mark? – So that first one that comes up, it’s just a funny meme. Iwastesomuchtime.com. I have a scientific American article. Now first of all before you you give your answer, the answer that I now have is that Talin Hansen didn’t come up with this question. This is a memic question that floats around the internet that we cannot give to just Talin Hanson because I mean it’s got 19 comments and 1,057 awesome upvotes on the amazing website known as I waste so much time, which I’m sure you’ve been to. – Oh yeah, I founded that website. – But I do appreciate you asking us Talin, Talin heck we’re probably not even saying your name right, and I said it three different ways just now. – I bet you a dog could say it. this is basically answering the question can dogs speak, are they actually talking, and it just says they’re just mimicking, which is what we already said. – Well that’s a smokescreen answer. maybe I should keep googling. This is when everybody clicks away because it gets boring. – How about this, how do dogs recognize their owners? – Do dogs name their owners? You know when in doubt go to the Denver Post, you get a mile up there you’re gonna find all the answers. Gazing at faces is how dogs pick out their owner, research shows dogs can read a lot from a human’s face according to recent research, for one thing they rely on seeing a face to tell whether a person is their guardian or a stranger, and they use the word “guardian” not “owner”, okay. Furpanion maybe. They also read emotional cues on a face the same way people do with each other. Interesting, but we already knew all that. – This is good okay, so according to a study published in a recent issue of Behavioral Processes, scientists trained a group of dogs to sit while in an MRI machine and then individually recorded their brain activity as they react to the scents of people and dogs who weren’t present. These included a strange dog, a dog with whom they lived, a strange person, and a person with whom they lived, excluding their owners since the owners had to act as handlers while the dogs were in the MRI. The dogs exhibited greater brain activity for familiar people than for any other scent, even familiar dogs. Not only do dogs recognize and remember their human scents, but they also get more excited about a whiff of their humans than about anything else. So the number one way that in this article is is by scent and they’ve identified you, so basically their name for you is a scent, but also they recognize your face by sight. So they use their noses to find and recognize everything in the world, including people but it turns out that they’re also very good at using their eyes. Dogs evolved to read human behavior in expressions as a result of their canine ancestors who received warm places to sleep around human campfires by making people happy. To succeed at a survival strategy based on making another species happy, you need to develop a knack for reading expressions and body language and that’s just what dogs have done. So in other words, again, they’re not they didn’t evolve to read each other’s body language, they didn’t need that, they had the sounds and the smells and just the actions, but they actually learned because of the domestication to interact with us in that way. – Yeah according to Dogs Decoded on PBS televisions program Nova, dogs read human emotions the same way humans do by reading facial cues left to right like humans. Huh. I don’t know what that means left to right. They don’t do this with other dogs, and that’s just one of the show’s interesting findings. We read emotions left to right just like we do words? – Ah yeah that seems odd to me. – Well that must be true though. So what have we learned here, we’ve learned that furpanions is a potential substitute for pets and owners and they can be used interchangeably. Except if you have a hairless or a skinless cat you’re out of luck and you have to come up with your own name. – And don’t send us pictures. Of either. – Yeah. – Because they both sound really gross to me. We also determined that, and everyone will have to agree with the fact that dogs use smell to identify all types of stuff, it’s like they read a book with their nose, man. So I think we’re onto something with that. The name that your dog has for you. – Is a smell. – Is a smell. That cannot be named by humans, but it’s probably something like (babbling). – It’s like an alien, it’s like an alien trying to, it’s like when those computers — – And it’s different — – Computers started talking to each other and they bypass human language and just went straight to digital. – But ironically for Jade that does sound, it’s like (whine) it sounds very much like alpha. So I was right. In both ways. – You know what, if it makes you feel better, if you want to create your own truth that’s fine. As long as it doesn’t impinge on me. – We did not validate this last point with the internet yet but who cares, we do also believe here at Ear Biscuits that, I lost my train of thought. – Oh good. You don’t need to be making any statements of belief. We here at Ear Biscuits believe, what was the last thing we figured out man? That dogs do know their owners names, that’s it. – Yeah, I thought it was going to be something more — – We at Ear Biscuits wholeheartedly believe that dogs do not name their owners but do acknowledge their owners’ names. So to answer a question Talin, what did my dog name me, your dog didn’t name you, your parents did, and your dog recognizes that. And until your dog starts hanging out with the wrong crowd of dolphins and starts believing that it should be naming itself, you’re in good hands. – Yeah stick to golf, that should do it for us. – It should. – I hope the music’s playing because I, man we have reached the end of the rabbit hole. – Yeah. – I like this it’s rewarding. – It’s what? – You know what I mean. (chuckling) – Okay. (contemporary music)