(upbeat music) – Welcome to Ear Biscuits, I’m Link. – And I’m Rhett, this week at the round table of dim lighting, we’re gonna be telling stories from the road. Your boys have been traveling a little bit. – We’ve been touring the country, and we’ve got lots of experiences. We’ve got lots of experience. – You know, road stuff. – Yeah, the Tour of Mythicality continues and uh, so as of the airing of this podcast, we’re coming off of a live stream that hopefully you were able to catch. – Hopefully there were no technical, I mean, how ironic will it be if there were some crazy technical problem and that’s all we’ve been talking about for the past week. – No no no no no. – Maybe if I talk about it now, it’ll jinx it, and it won’t happen. – Um. The other thing. Well, and then if you, you know, if you didn’t watch the live stream, there’s still other ways that we’re packaging– – Lots of packaging happening. – The stage show that is the Tour of Mythicality, which I think we’re not gonna call the Tour of Mythicality at that point, we’ll call the thing. – Something real catchy. – Well we know what it is, you don’t wanna say? – No. – Okay, that’s fine. If you watch the show, you can infer what it is. It’s a stage show slash comedy show, I don’t know why I’m talking about it. – But we’re gonna be telling you some things that have happened to us in the course of traveling together for a couple of trips, so– – Yeah because as of the recording of this, we’ve got a couple under our belts. Been to New York, been to Texas, and we’re still gearing up for that San Francisco, San Diego, LA leg of the tour. But yeah, we’ll get into that, but first, I just want to give a health update. – Yeah, that’s what we do now. – Since (chuckles) you know, you’ve given a lot of health updates and I love them. – I’m sure you do – I can’t wait to hear your health updates, so can I give you one? – I’m all ears. – I hurt my back, brother, and you weren’t there for me. I went to the gym, this was two mornings ago, and I’m in the gym and I’m down on all fours in what they call the beast position, and on your hands and knees, and then if you lift your knees off the floor, so your feet– – Who calls it the beast position? – The instructor. – Just your instructor, or instructors worldwide? – I don’t know, I didn’t ask him that, I thought that would be insulting. Now, did you make up that name? – I think they did, that’s my theory. – You’re on your, get on your hands and knees with your toes on the ground too, and then– – Oh, the beast position? – Push with your toes so that your knees come off the ground and it’s a really good core workout, and then you drag a bag across the floor underneath your torso. – Ah, just like a beast. – Just like a beast, known worldwide. – Yeah, beasts dragging bags worldwide. – And then, man, I am up to legit status. – What do you got, like a 60-pound bag? What are we talking, 70? – No, it’s, I extended my right leg out straight. – Now what’s that, the three-legged beast? – Yeah, it’s the three-legged beast. You need to be consulted for them to certify the names. – I will name all your positions. – It made it difficult. – Yeah. – And then something tweaked in my back, like not on the spine, just to the right, definitely muscle, like– – Mid-back. – Mid-back. – Yeah, it feels, you got these muscles in your mid-back that just feel like there’s no way I could activate them right now, it’s just like an unnecessary muscle, but it’s actually really necessary. – Like a deep muscle going over the ribcage kinda thing. I didn’t think too much of it. And pride creeps in very quickly, because I didn’t want to stop. – Yeah, you gotta keep going. – So I kept going, and then right after that, I’m gonna do some squats with two kettle bells, so I’m like– – What position is that? – I take the, just the kettle bell squat. – Squatting hen? – Squatting hen. – Squatting hen. – The egg-layer. – Oh, the egg-layer. – So like I scoop up these two huge kettle bells, I mean huge– – Seven pounds each? – I’m talking like 130 pounds each. – Oh gosh. – And I’m like (yelps) and I pick them up and I have them under, I’ve scooped my elbows underneath and my thumbs are against my collarbone just like he told me, and then I start squatting to lay another egg. – Is this Chad? – Chad was doing it, and then I start coming back up, and I’m like ooh, that spot, now it’s really hurting and I drop the kettle bells and I’m like. – You tapped out. – I tapped out, I was like, I can’t, I’ve done something, brother. I can’t keep going. And then I did some stretches and tried to, he showed me there was a correlation between the back and the hips and I was like I’m too far gone, man, I did some hip-opening stretches. – Right, he tried to loosen you up. – But then I just, I had to leave in defeat, I had a hard time leaving. By the time I got home, I felt like I couldn’t walk. – It stiffens up on you. – And I started to get really scared because you’ve made me paranoid with all of the stuff you’ve been through, it’s scary stuff, man. You’ve been debilitated for weeks– – Months. – Or months at a time. – Yeah. – And I knew that it wasn’t skeletal-related, Skeletor-related, but I was still kind of panicking. And then I come in and we gotta shoot some stuff and I mean, I just feel for you. I know what it’s like to be in a horrible mood because your back hurts. – Thank you. – It’s tough, man. Could you tell I was in a bad mood? Well, you weren’t there for me because I texted you on the way home because you were coming to pick me up to carpool in– – Well, I pulled up to your house and Link comes out with, like he just looks like he’s just forlorn. – Kinda bent over and stiff, right? – He’s got what looks like the kind of brace that you would wear when you’re helping somebody move, and you have it like up around the middle of your back, like kinda riding your nipples and I’m like what in the world is going on? You’re like “you didn’t get my text?” And for some reason I didn’t. Ever since that freakin’ phone update, our phones don’t work at home. – The doom seed has germinated. – They want us to upgrade to the next phone, that’s what they want us to do. – And you know what I’m gonna do? I’m gonna freakin’ upgrade, I’m gonna buy the new phone. – You have to. – Because the operating system, here’s what happens. – Yeah, this is a conspiracy and I fully believe it. – I mean, way back, we wrote the iPod, dead iPod song and we talked about the doom seed, it’s in there, but what it is is the programmers get all excited about the latest and greatest technology and what they can get their phones to do with the new software, they’re testing it, having a grand old time, and they’ll tell you that they test it on old phones, but do you really think that any– – Yeah, there’s a guy at Apple that’s like I’m the old phone guy. And I don’t even have a freakin’ old phone, I have the previous version. – They are never going to spend any amount of their own personal time experiencing the trauma of running the newest operating system on an older phone. – Because they’ve got us trapped. – Because it’s frustrating. – They’ve got us trapped. – It frustrates the crap out of us, so it’s gonna frustrate the crap out of them, so they’re not gonna do it. – Yeah, now we have to get the new phone just to be normal people. – And you know what, no one there, and I’m not just talking about Apple. – I’m sure it’s everybody. – Every company that has software and hardware, they do it on, they embrace it. They don’t do it on purpose, but they just let it happen because it benefits them for the software to go beyond the hardware to require the purchase of new hardware to keep up. – Yeah, that’s why I didn’t get your text, long story short. – That is the doom seed. – I used to get your texts from my house to your house, but they put up a virtual wall between our homes now. – And then the text– – And I don’t, texts don’t work anymore. – The text said “hurt my back.” – Will you please come comfort me? – Anything you can do, bring, or advise, do it. Like, I was expecting braces, shots, drugs, I didn’t know what all you had. – I have all of that. – But I wanted all of it. – But I did, I do carry– – And you came with nothing. – No, no, so I carry a brace in my backpack, so I did have that, but you already had that great-looking nipple brace. – (chuckles) Bustier. – That was more than enough, you wearing your corset. – Corset, yeah. – You looked great. But I also discussed with you– – I could have worn it under my shirt, by the way, but I kinda felt sexy. – Yeah, (mumbles) okay. I didn’t give you my brace because my brace is really– – Sweaty. – It really isolates the low back, and you were kinda having a mid-back problem so I just didn’t think it would be of any help to you. And also, listen, I mean, I’m glad you mentioned that. I went out of my way to, when you were complaining about it, to be like, to not say “you know I’ve felt “exactly the way you felt for weeks on end, “like seven times over the past decade.” – I don’t– – But I didn’t say anything because I was like, you know what, that is the worst thing you can say to somebody who’s currently in pain. – Is what? – Is to say, “well you know what, “I know exactly how you feel, and I’ve had that pain “a lot more than you have.” – Oh, I knew that. – You don’t want to say that to somebody. – But I don’t feel like I complained that much. – No, you didn’t complain that much, but you were very affected, but I completely, it’s such a distraction when something that core, first of all, any pain, if you have chronic pain, I really feel for you because it becomes this distraction that, I do think you eventually get better at dealing with it. – It makes good television if you’re like House, you remember that show? That was good for a number of seasons because of his suffering. – But especially Buddy System season one, I had crazy back issues the whole time. Season two I had them for like a week, but like, it yeah, it sours everything, so I’m glad you’re doing better. You’re not wearing the corset anymore. – I’m doing better because I went to Yvonne, a physical therapist who uh. – Also my physical therapist. – Christy is friends with her, so then she was able to come in early before we had to shoot GMM, so from seven to eight o’clock I swung by there and she put me in these poses and holds, it was weird. – I need to go name those positions because it’s true, she does put you in a lot of positions. – Well, because I was expecting to lay down and have her like massage the spot, and I understand that different parts of your body are connected, so like she might manipulate the hips or– – She’ll grab your ear, you know, she’s like the back is connected– – Oh your back hurts, let me get the earlobe. – To your left eyebrow, let me massage that. There’s lots of connections that she finds. – But at one point, I was sitting up with my arms, with my hands clasped behind my neck like I’m show boating and then, I’m shirtless. – Your took your shirt off, huh? Yeah, cause she’s gotta get– – Well very early on, I had to be shirtless so that she could like– – Right, yeah, I forgot about that part. – You know, there’s no reason to have a shirt on when your muscles are being specifically manipulated in your back, I mean. – Yeah, put that on a t-shirt. – My hands are clasped behind my bare neck and then she’s behind me hugging me from behind. – That wasn’t part of the treatment. – And then her thumb is like in my sternum and then she told me to turn to the left, lower my right arm, my right elbow a little bit. She’s behind me, she’s looking at the ground and then she’s like squeezing and doing these subtle things, I don’t, (mumbles) – It doesn’t feel like anything. – I felt like I was posing for a weird art project. – Right, it doesn’t feel like much. – I was like, is somebody painting us right now? – Yeah, well I was. – Because nothing is happening. – Through that little peep hole. – She’d be like, uh. – It’s drying right now. – Look to the left a little, okay, now relax, and I would be like, I barely looked to the left. She’d be like “now do it again.” – Oh yeah, she does the tense, relax, tense, relax. – Minuscule stuff that if somebody walked in on it, it’s not that you’d think it was inappropriate. – Well, you probably would. – You would just think it was avant garde. It’s like wow, I bet she’s charging a lot for that. – Performance art. – And she was, trust me. – Well, she does. – But you know what, I feel better. – Well that’s the thing that I learned– – I applied some wet heat on my own time. – How’d you come about that? – A little hot tub action, baby. – Yeah, wet heat. Now, um, I used to, because I’m a skeptic, right? So when she first started doing that stuff to me, when I was dealing with my, because I’ve got the back thing, I’ve got hip things, I’ve got knee things, I’m a mess. She does this stuff and the first like three months, I was just like, man, this is B.S. That’s what I’m thinking, but I’m also like I’m gonna give it a chance, and I gotta say that whatever, I don’t know how all this works, but the stuff that she showed me, that she did, and the stuff that she showed me to do, which now I do. – Like stretches. – Well, there’s stretches, but there’s getting certain muscles to be, like basically to increase the mobility of certain parts of your body and then how it’s like across your body and like this shoulder is related to this thing, getting all that moving, my back is so much better than it’s ever been. – Don’t say it, though. – However. – Don’t jinx it. – However, I do currently have a pulled butt muscle. But I think, but it’s definitely not, it’s not hurting right now, but it’s just like somehow I pulled my butt muscle in my Pilates class. – Oh. (laughs) – But it wasn’t, I don’t know. – Put that on a t-shirt. – I don’t know what to do. I thought about calling Yvonne but then I was like, that’s gonna be a weird session, because there would be a lot of glute massage, which personally I’m into, but, I mean, that does get even more awkward. – We should live stream these treatments to defray some of the cost, and the awkwardness. If you know that like, hundreds of people are watching, maybe more, I think it actually is better for everybody. – I think there’s some sort of– – Like your glutes’ not exposed. – I think there may be like a HIPAA situation if you, isn’t that the health people? I don’t think you can broadcast– – I thought you were talking about a hip and you just said it wrong. – Like medical situations, like there’s no doctor that live streams his meetings with his patients because it violates some laws. – I think the bottom line is, um, I still feel a tinge of pain, but I’m on the mend. It was just, you know, it’s just a pulled muscle, it’s kinda deep, no issues there, long term. – Well I’m glad you’re back, Link, no pun intended. – Yes. – Let’s take a moment to let you guys know about some merch that we are very excited about, shirts. – If you’re into origins, this is our friendship origin t-shirt. Rhett and Link, established 09-04-84. These are actual photos of us on this picture. On this, well they are pictures, on this t-shirt. – Cute us. – Get this at mythical.store. – Get this, that’s gonna, that’s a salesman right there, get this. – It sells itself, man. – You can also get this. This is the whelephigeonole. This is the creature that was birthed in the Book of Mythicality. – It never gets lost. – That never gets lost, it’s gonna be created one day using CRISPR technology if we have anything to do with it. Also available at mythical.store. – I was reading this morning that they’ve got a CRISPR pig now. – A crispier pig? – No, a lower-fat pig made via CRISPR. – Why you want a lower-fat pig? – I do not know, but it’s, it happened in China. – Hmm. They got a crispier pig in China. – So look out for that. Thanks for supporting internetainment and reppin’ your love for us, let’s just be real about it. (chuckles) – Reppin’. – You rep us. – But we’re also trying to create more stuff that’s not just about like, hey, I’m a fan of this. It’s more like that’s a cool shirt. – A shared passion for things. – Know what I’m saying? If you think that’s cool too, put it on your body. Okay, so we’re gonna talk a little bit about our travels. One of the funny things, one of the really funny things that happened as we were getting ready to leave for this most recent trip that we’ve had as of the recording of this, was our Texas trip. And we had a car come pick, they picked you and Christy up and then they drove to my house and picked me and Jessie up. – And then drove us all to the airport so we didn’t have to leave a car at the airport. So let me just say that we’re sitting in this SUV at the bottom of your driveway, ’cause it’s like– – You can’t drive up my driveway. – You have a steep driveway, so the guy wouldn’t drive up there, I told him not to, so we’re just parking down there at the bottom and then we’re waiting for you and waiting for you then all of a sudden, I look in the rear view mirror and I see there’s a guy standing behind the SUV. He’s not immediately behind it, like I can see his full body and I can see he has a dog at his foot that’s sitting there, and there, he’s staring. He’s not looking to and fro, he’s not looking at his dog, he’s staring up your driveway. – Mm-hmm. – That’s what he was, and it took me a while to figure it out, but I was like, he’s looking like a statue, an angry statue, and he was looking up your driveway and then I told Christy, I was like “look at that dude.” And then, that’s as far as I got before you started coming down the driveway. – So when I got to the bottom of the driveway and I saw him, I knew who he was and I knew what he was upset about. – Because I could tell that dude was upset. You know how when someone’s upset and their eyes water? Like I could tell from a distance that like– – He was mad crying? – Yeah, he had a little mad cry, like his eyes were wet, I was like, I’m not getting out of this car. – He was so, he was livid. – But I thought that he was resting his dog, I didn’t know if he was like, if his eyes were sweaty, because it was a hot day, I didn’t, you know, I didn’t know. – Well let me just give some background. So I share a property line with this man. (laughs) And uh, part of the property line is a fence that, he has a fence and I have a fence, and the fences, there’s like a six-inch gap between the fences, no issues there, but I will say that the way I got to know him was that my kids were playing basketball, we have a little basketball goal on the side of it next to the house and it’s easy to lose your ball over into their yard, and so, like the second day that were were there, Shepherd shot the ball over there, and so I sent the boys over there because I thought that was cool, send you kids over to the stranger’s house to get the ball back to be like hey, we’re new to the neighborhood and my ball’s over there, just so that they would get into the habit of throwing the ball back over, which happened for a while. – And you don’t want to be the one to have to go fetch their ball every time. – Right, I wanted to be like hey, we got the basketball goal, we got, I know the previous owner didn’t have kids that were using it a lot, but we are gonna use it a lot. A lot of our balls are gonna be up in your business. – But you sent them over to have that conversation without you. – Yeah, and then I do remember my boys saying that it was an interesting, I don’t remember specifically what they noted, but I noted that it was, they said it was kind of a different, they didn’t, they weren’t super warm to the boys. – Okay. – Hmm, interesting. But then the lower part of the yard, they have a lot of vegetation in their yard, then I have a lot of vegetation in my yard and they kinda just come together, but there is a clear property line. However, right at the bottom of the driveway, there’s this little thing that kinda juts out where, I’m sure the property line doesn’t jut out, but it kinda seems like the bottom half of the driveway is kinda like almost going into his property line and then there’s a bush down there next to the side of the driveway. – So from a landscaping perspective. – It feels like it– – The previous owner had landscaped around the driveway and then when the driveway dog-legged out a little bit, so did the landscaping. – It feels like the landscaping is in my territory, like even though it’s definitely in his yard, so when we decided we were gonna do some landscaping and Jessie specifically had the idea to put a palm tree on each side of the driveway, we went and talked to him. And it was gonna require cutting back this bush a little bit, now first of all, you’ve seen his yard, it’s like a forest, it’s like. – It’s not intentional. – But it’s, I mean, I like it, it’s very natural. There’s nothing I dislike about it. – It’s not manicured. – It doesn’t make, what I’m about to tell you isn’t really consistent with the way the yard looks. – Okay. – So when Jessie talked to him, he was like, he said, Jessie was like “can we cut the bush back “a couple of feet so I can plant this palm tree?” And he was like “why would you cut the bush? “The bush is a living thing.” That was sign one that this is a little interesting. – A living thing. – Well, why do you cut grass, dude? Cause it’s, I mean, we cut living things all the time, it’s just part of, you know. – Let’s use the word trim. – Exercising our dominion over the earth. So uh, but eventually he– – You weren’t gonna pull up the bush, you weren’t gonna– – No no no. – You weren’t gonna kill the bush. – It was just cutting it back a little bit so we could plant what I thought was a very pretty tree to match the other side of the driveway. In other words, this is beautifying the space. That’s two years ago. Haven’t talked to the guy since. – Oh wow. – Right, that was back when we moved in. And so. – Let me guess, did that guy have a dog? – Yeah. But, the other day, so like four days before the day that we got picked up to go to the tour, I had asked my gardener to trim some bushes, and there was specifically one that was growing over the sprinkler and it was causing the sprinkler to just hit the bushes and not actually go onto the ground cover that needs to be watered. – So it hit one living thing, but it was depriving another living thing. – Right, and so I was like I have to cut one living thing to let another living thing live, you gotta make sacrifices. So I took a saw, I found a saw. – It’s the trolley problem. – And I went right, I actually, because I know that my neighbor is sensitive to these things, I basically just went to where the property line is and I just cut the limbs at approximately where the property line is so that, you know, kinda this tree / bush was just invading my yard, so I just cut it, and then I did cut a couple of other limbs that were making their way all the way out into my yard, I kinda cut them a little bit further in, whatever. But then I actually ended up with a lot more branches than I anticipated, and then I, the only place, because of the slope of my yard, the only place that I could set them down was on the curb in his yard, but you’ve seen his yard. His house is, his driveway is way up around the corner. – I don’t even know. – His house is way up there. – I’ve never seen the house. – Right, his house is way up there, up this hill, and this is more in my domain, even though it’s on his property, but I was like, I’m gonna set these branches here and then I’m gonna text my gardener and say hey, I can’t fit these in the bin, can you take them? But I didn’t do it immediately. So what he was so pissed about was the fact that I had these limbs in his yard and he’s standing there with his dog and he’s like. – What’s the first thing he said? – I wish I knew, but it was something like “did you, what is this?” What is this, and I was like oh, man, I’m sorry about that. I actually, and this is 100% true, I was like I just texted my gardener to come pick that up today, because that was true because I’d done it before. Because we were leaving, I was like, I gotta get this stuff out of this guy’s yard. It was just on the curb, it was barely in his yard. But then he was like “baloney.” (laughs) I was like A, who says “baloney?” (laughs) – I’d be like, hold up, you got bologna, ’cause I’m in. – And I was like “do you want to see the text?” He’s like “I don’t want to see the text.” And then he says “if you want to cut a tree, “on my property, you talk to me.” And I was like “well I cut it at the property line.” It was stuff that was coming in, he says “if you wanted” and then all of a sudden, he went to the palm tree, he said “and that palm tree, “that’s on my property. “You have one day to take it down.” – Oh wow. – And I was like, well, I’m about, I’m actually leaving to go out of town right now. He says “I don’t care, you have one day to take it down “and if you don’t take it down, I’m gonna chop it down “and put it in your driveway.” (laughs) – That’s great. – And I was like– – And I’m watching all this from the SUV, I’m like, man, I should be filming this, but I didn’t think about that, I’m sorry. – Now, you know me. Now if this, of course we’ve talked quite a bit– – Jessie was in the car with us by now. – We’ve talked quite a bit on this podcast about how we both handle conflict, and also we wrote a whole chapter in the book about it. Now, if this guy confronted you, you would (mutters) you would have been livid. You would have been mad, super mad, and I was– – Except for the conversations we’ve had here, and I would hope that I’m a changed man, that I would have kept my cool, I would have done some deep belly breathing and then I would have diffused the situation. – But here’s the thing about the way that I approach these situations. I actually was not mad at all. I wasn’t mad at him at all. It’s like, my first instinct was, it was disbelief. I was like “is this guy really this mad about this?” Is he really saying this? Is he really threatening me in this way? – Did he really say “baloney?” – And then my second, the second thing I was thinking was, how do I diffuse this situation right here, right now, and get this guy to back off? So I was like, you know, as soon as we get back, we should have a reasonable conversation about this. And he was like “reasonable my ass” or something like that and just walked, and he was like “one day.” He would, and then he was– – No, but before he walks off, he said something about, he made a judgment about you, right? – He said “I’m sure you’re some “really special person.” And I was like, what is he talking about? And I think– – I think he said “I’m sure you’re so wonderful.” – You’re so wonderful. – That’s what he said. – What he was, well again. – I heard him. – This may be me projecting onto this guy, but I have a feeling that because he has teenage kids. – Oh gosh. – I have a feeling that they know that I’m a YouTuber. And so they probably have said something like yeah, he’s like YouTube famous or whatever. And of course that doesn’t mean anything to this guy, and so I think that it’s sort of this like– – Or maybe he could just, okay, and so you think– – But the way that he said it was very much like you think you’re so special because you’re, my kids think you’re somebody or something like that. And I was like, what does that have to do with anything? You don’t believe me that I’m gonna get this stuff picked up. I tried to diffuse the situation, but then I was kinda shocked, he walked off, we get in the car and then both me and Jessie are both kinda shaken up and I’m thinking how are we gonna diffuse this? I gotta, I’m gonna, we’re figuring out a strategy for what we’re gonna do when we get back, are we gonna go take him a bottle of wine or something? I really want to go over and say– – Here the thing, at first it’s like, my observation was, because you were verbally processing it with me and Christy, you and Jessie, and at first it’s like, well how do we resolve this? What, I mean, the babysitter’s taking care of the boys, she needs to drive out the driveway. Are they gonna be able to move the palm tree out of the way if he thunks it down right there? And so, and it’s like how do we diffuse this situation? But then I noticed a shift in your mindset. By the time we got to the airport, you were saying things like “I’m going to go to his front door when we get back “with a bottle of wine,” and you had shifted your perspective, your objective had changed to a much higher goal. – I want to become friends with this man. – In order to? – Well, A, I want my palm tree to be there and I want him to be okay with it. – Well I think that’s now C. I think A is you want to um, (mutters) I was gonna say “kill him with kindness” but you don’t want to kill him in any way. – I mean, honestly, it’s just, I don’t, the idea– – You want to win, and define winning. – Well, winning is having him to no longer feel this animosity. – No, it’s more than that. What you want is, you want to win in such a way that you’re so nice to him that he has to be nice to you. – What he wants is he wants me to be mad back at him. – Yeah, so when you’re not, your goal is for him to have to be nice to you and say “dang, “he’s taking the high road” and then go back into his house, close the door, and say what? – And be really mad that he’s not mad at me. – And so that you have power over him. – Well, I mean. – And I’m not saying that’s a bad thing. I’m saying that’s winning. When you can be so nice to the guy that, A, your palm tree stays, and B, he has to go in his house and grumble to himself, but he can’t do it to you anymore, because you’ve taken away his ability to say things like “baloney, you think you’re wonderful.” Like he can’t do that to you, that’s the power that you’re taking away. – And I do also think that it’s just, to have a neighbor– – And when the basketball goes over, he comes out of his house, goes downstairs, grabs the ball, throws it over and says something nice to your kids. – Well, sure, that would be great. I think the thing that I want him to understand and that I would say to his face and hopefully will have the opportunity to, is like, with all the crap that is going on in the world and all the conflict that there is, are we really having a fight over this? Don’t we both want the same things? We want beautiful yards. It’s just like the steps that I am taking that have caused these problems are all because I am trying to beautify the situation. It isn’t because I’m trying to exercise some sort of authority over your property, and also I did get all the limbs off within the hour, I actually called, instead of texted, I called my gardener, I said I’ve got a situation with my neighbor, I want you to get over there was fast as you possibly can and get this stuff out of there because I want to show him that I actually mean what I say and that we’re getting this stuff out of there. – And you might need to bring a bodyguard with you. – And when we got back home on Sunday, the palm tree was still in its place. So that actually took a little bit of the wind out of my sails of like, I was also super-tired, which we’ll talk about, when we get back from a tour stop, on a Sunday, there’s not a lot left, and we took Jessie and Christy with us on this last trip, so all this, you know, energy that I had around reconciling was kinda like oh, I just don’t want to do that right now and the limbs are gone and the palm tree’s still there, so I’ll do that later. With every day that passes, it becomes less likely that I’m going to try to rectify this situation. – Well, I think– – But I still feel like I have to. – You removed the shrubbery refuse. – I want reconciliation. – And you kept your palm tree. – I want reconciliation. What is something happens, man? What if there’s an earthquake? What if we need to rely on each other and we’re still like no, we hate each other because he threw some limbs on my yard at one time? I mean, and what your wife said is an interesting perspective. When we got in the car, she was like, I just feel sorry for that man because he feels that way all the time, he’s mad all the time, and you just happen to be the target at this particular moment. And it’s true, there’s a lot of people that live that way. – If you’re mad like that, then it’s a lifestyle. – You’re living, you’re waiting for the next person to piss you off so that you can unload on them, and it’s just such a sad, sad way to live. It doesn’t, I don’t understand where it comes from and I’m sure he’s got all kinds of stuff on his plate, whatever, but it was just, why? Why is this the way that he’s choosing to deal with this? I don’t know, hopefully I’m gonna be able to change that. – And you know what, we hadn’t even left your driveway yet, that’s the type of adventures that we, that are in store for us as we continue the tour. You know, because I didn’t know what to expect, you know, from basically every other weekend, sometimes weekends in a row, devoting our weekend to showing up to a city on Friday, doing the show, then getting up the next morning, traveling to a nearby city, doing two shows back-to-back, and then getting up early the next morning and flying back home. I just didn’t know, having committed to it, what it was gonna feel like. And I think it is very exhausting, it is also very rewarding to meet you guys on the tour and to see so many faces and to have a live interaction that’s not across a screen. And then we end every show with a Q&A and we’re able to have more of a conversational back and forth with the audience. It’s great, I’m so glad we’re doing it, but it is also very exhausting. – And there’s not really anything, ultimately, there’s not anything besides the tour. It’s like, it’s all about the shows. The travel, the shows, and then the sleep that we can afford to get. – And in between shows, I mean, just trying to preserve any energy you have, or like recharge in such a way that you can give it your best, mentally and physically. – But we’re not really doing that because in between the two shows on Saturday, at least the last two weekends, we’ve taken that time to go to a local book store and um, you know, we’ve been Instagram-storying this stuff. The whole idea is that we go to a place where the Book of Mythicality is, we take a Polaroid of us holding the book, our book, and we put it into one of the books and then you guys find it. – Yeah, someone who’s in the area, and in New York at the Barnes & Noble, we did that and we, we met a couple of fans in there, but they didn’t see us like hide the thing, so we did get out of there. And then we got back and we did the show, and then after the show, one of the guys who was in the VIP line, like the meet and greet, got to meet us, brought out the book, and he had gotten the book, and he was like I saw the Insta-story, and I like ran five blocks to what I thought was the Barnes & Noble and I found the book. – Yeah, he did find it fast, too. – And then he brought it back to us, and then he asked us to sign it and I took that as an opportunity to keep it. So I still have it. – But we had already signed it. – No, well we signed the Polaroid. – No, but we had signed, that was the weird thing. – No, I didn’t keep it, he kept it. – But that’s the thing that’s still the mystery that I thought about later is that he had the book with the Polaroid– – Signed. – Taped exactly the same way that we had taped it inside there, and it was signed, but the book, we signed in the Barnes & Noble, but the book he had was not signed. I still don’t understand what happened. – I think someone at Barnes & Noble took, found that book and then took the Polaroid out and taped it to another book so that there would be two books with something valuable to a fan in them. That’s what I think. Altruistically, someone distributed the signatures, so now there’s a signed book and a signed Polaroid in another book. That’s what I think happened. – But then when we were in Texas, in Dallas, we had two shows in Dallas. So we typically do one show on a Friday night and then two on a Saturday, and we drove from Austin to Dallas on Saturday morning, and then in between the shows, we were like we were gonna go to a Walmart, because the book is being sold at Walmart, and for some reason, the closest Walmart we could find was like 20 minutes away, maybe more than that. So we drive, and we’re also gonna go to a Whataburger, because everybody is telling us that– – In Texas, you gotta go to a Whataburger. – Everybody’s like you gotta go and you gotta say whether or not it’s better than In N Out. So we’re like, okay, in between the shows, let’s go do that, and wishfully, we thought we would also be able to take a nap. That never happens. So again, all this is on Instagram, was on Instagram, if you follow the stories, but I mean, first of all, Whataburger, we tried that. It is not In N Out. – Yeah. – Sorry, Texas, we did say that on Instagram, but it is no In N Out. – But now whenever I eat In N Out, I’m like what a burger! – Yeah, right? – That is a great burger. – You have taken the slogan. – Yeah, I mean, they, you know, they got so many things they’re trying at Whataburger. That’s a sign. – The way you put it was they were kinda going the Arby’s route, which I think they’re actually going the Carl’s Jr. route in that, again– – Specialty burgers that are fleeting. They’re there for a month and they’re gone. Oh, this one’s got pico de gallo and chorizo on it. – But to me, to your personality, In N Out is like, the bullseye, it is the we do three things, we do burgers, fries, and milkshakes, and we do them the same way and we’ve done it for 50 years and it’ll never change. – If it ain’t broke, don’t break it. – That is your bullseye. Now, I appreciate that and I love those burgers, but I also do appreciate like, oh, we got a catfish burger. You know, it’s like. – Something new, yeah. – Yeah, there’s something new with a bunch of different, weird ingredients on it. – I just feel like they’re searching. – Well, yeah, but I mean, every once in a while, you hit a bullseye. I mean, every time I give you a fart in one of those games, it helps you, right, four darts? Four darts are better than one. – Ah, well, not really, it doesn’t help me that much. – I gave you two farts and you won. – It’s a weak analogy. – I think it’s actually pretty strong, but I do– – I mean, we got the normal burger and it wasn’t great. – Well the problem– – We had to apologize left and right because we were in Texas meeting Texans that night. – With doing that many different things is that if you’re gonna stack up the variety of one restaurant against the restaurant who does one thing, that’s not really an apples to apples comparison at that point. Because if you like variety, you’re like well, I don’t want to eat the same burger every time, but if you’re just doing, we just got the Whataburger straight, no frills, they had like a chorizo burger and a chili burger, we said “no” to that, went with just a straight burger. – It wasn’t a bad burger, it just wasn’t a great burger. – It wasn’t bad, it was like, I was satisfied as a meal, but I don’t choose to eat a lot of burgers at this point in my life, and I want it to really count when I eat it. – And then we trotted across the street to the Walmart, and literally spent 15 minutes just trying to find the book section of the Walmart. – Good gracious, I hadn’t been in a Super Walmart in a long time. – And once we found it, it was at the front of the store. We literally did a lap around the whole Walmart. Boy, that was exhausting. – [Rhett] Yeah. – And then we get back up there and they’ve got more romance novels than you can shake a stick at. But they did not have one Book of Mythicality. Now, they did at one point, so that made me feel kinda good, I know that they had them there because we called ahead to make sure they would have one. And then it was gone, so they were sold out at the Walmart. – And also this was interesting, I mean, to me at least, is that the people of Walmart don’t really have anything to do with the books that are on the shelves, there’s like a– – A vendor. – There’s a vendor who comes in and supplies the books, and lots of places, like I’ve seen lots of the beasts taking pictures, Target, Walmart, elsewhere where they just have a handful of books. Like, that’s not gonna happen as readily at like a Barnes & Noble, that’s a book store, they’ve got more of a stock, but some of these places that just have a book section, they might have 10 books and those 10 Books of Mythicality are getting sold so quickly that so many places don’t have them. I mean, hopefully that’s being rectified. – Well that makes me feel good, but the problem was, we’re Insta-storying, is that that how you say it? This whole search because we’re like oh, we’re gonna go up, we’re gonna find a book, we’re gonna sign it, we’re gonna take the Polaroid, we’re gonna put it in it, we’re gonna get out of here. And then by the time we were like Insta-storying the fact that we couldn’t find our book, like, we had people sprinting in the store, fans. – They were there already. – And they were already there looking for the book and just like, there we were, still trying to like hide the goods. So it’s kinda like when your kid comes out for the Easter egg hunt, stop, I’m not done! I’m not done hiding the eggs! – Yeah, yeah, it was– – Get back in the house. – It was a little awkward, and then after they got their picture, then they just kinda went over to the book section. I was like oh, I guess they’re the ones, they’re the ones who are gonna get the Polaroid, which I didn’t feel bad about. – We gotta get out quicker. – But then the interesting thing that happened– – Santa doesn’t want to be in the sack when the kids wake up in the morning. – Oh gosh. Then when the fans got their picture taken with us, then the employees of Walmart, who had absolutely no idea who we were. – Right. – Just lined up, one after the other, they all wanted to get their picture with us. – Which I gotta think put their jobs in jeopardy. – Yeah, I mean, they had no idea who we were, but one lady was like “I think my granddaughter “would care about this,” and so she got a picture, and somebody else got a picture and somebody else got a picture and I was like, you guys have no idea who we are. We could be, we could be serial killers. Of course, that probably wouldn’t be why somebody was getting a picture with us. – Yeah, that would be odd. – We uh, we took several pictures with random Walmart employees, and then we’re like, guys, we need to go because we think more people are gonna be showing up here, and this is just gonna get more awkward, so we walked out. But we did not find our book, but we did put the picture in a book called Side Chick, which looked like a really, really good novel. – Yeah. – It was by an author called Katt. – With two Ts. – K-A-T-T. That was it, no last name, no first name, it’s just Katt, writing things like Side Chick. I’m sure that he or she has got other books other than Side Chick, I’m sure Side Chick is just one of many masterpieces. – What’s another adventure that we went on? The day before that in Austin, I mean, we were, I love Austin, man, I gotta go back to Austin. – Yeah, great town. – That’s a fun little place. They got a bridge leading into downtown across the river and um, that leads to a statue of Willie Nelson, which is amazing. And under that bridge is, according to my sources, I think the largest urban conglomerate of bats– – Fruit bats. – Hiding, not hiding, living under the bridge, and hiding. – Well I mean, they are hiding most of the day. – At dusk every day, there’s a mass exodus of bats that I’ve seen on nature shows, that you can go down to the banks of the river at dusk and watch all these bats start swirling around above the river and then take off, and if you have radar vision, it looks like a storm is coming out from under the freakin’ bridge, man. – Who’s got radar vision? – The people of Austin, I think. – I don’t understand. – If you were looking on a radar, it would look like a storm. – You mean like infrared? – Like a weather radar. – Oh, that. – But if you had that in your eyes, like if you had a like a Snapchat filter that is weather radar, which, that’s a good idea. – I think that would be really inconvenient for someone on the ground. – It’s like storm’s coming up. How can you tell? Well, the same way you can tell, except I’ve got radar vision. It’s not really helping me. – Yeah, it’s just, they look like clouds still. – I think on a radar, the bats register as a storm, is what I’m trying to say. – I doubt that. – That’s what the guy, you were there when the guy told us. – He said that it registers on radar? – Yes. – I didn’t hear that, he made that part up. – What, well he said it. – I just, I just block out false information. – You hate bats so much that you didn’t even want to hear about the bats. – This is a misconception. My wife, that’s what, and first of all, my wife just, she just, we brought our wives with us. – Don’t bring my wife into this. – And it really, it changed the complexion of the trip quite a bit, don’t you think? (laughs) But one of the ways that it changed the complexion of the trip is that my wife loves to just talk. Like typically, if Link and I are in a car and there’s like an Uber driver, I’ll say like “hello,” I’m nice, but I don’t get into the back story. I’m just, I’m an introvert, I don’t like to have that conversation, but my wife is an extrovert and so it’s funny– – She’s in the very back and he’s in the very front, we’re in the middle. – And let me tell you that your wife did this, I think your wife did this more than my wife, but they both did it. When our wives are, what I’ve noticed about them, and I notice this about them like seven times during the trip, but your wife more than my wife, treated people like they were the internet. As if the internet didn’t exist, right? So it’s like, we’ve got this guy driving us to the hotel and then your wife starts asking him questions about like where are the good restaurants and all this stuff. – Well, yeah, yeah. – And it’s just like, I’m thinking, well that’s what Yelp is for. It’s like, I don’t have to have a conversation with one person from one point of view when I can have a conversation with like a thousand people all at once through the internet. – Using only your thumbs. – Get the aggregate opinion of the people of Austin, without having an awkward conversation, but then, now you’ve got a driver who’s suddenly tour guide, did you know he drove over that bridge twice? He drove past our hotel, we realized later, drove over the bridge just so he could, because he thought, oh, these ladies are into me, I’m gonna be the tour guide. He’s like “the fruit bats show up on the radar. “That’s the largest urban population of fruit bats “in America,” and then he drives, and then he goes around in a circle. – How do you know he said that? – And then he’s like “This is our Willie Nelson statue. “That’s a great restaurant,” and I’m thinking, like guys, we could have, I mean this is great– – We gotta be somewhere. – But, A, I want to be in the hotel right now, and B, I could get all this information from the internet. But then it happened again, she asked somebody else a question, does she do that all the time when y’all are together? – Well. Uh. We don’t typically ride with strangers in other settings. – Well, my wife also does that with, well, where I was going with this is that what my wife did with the bat guy, with the driver, is that when he said the story about bats, she said “well, he’s really scared of bats,” talking about me, and I’m like, “I’m not really scared of bats,” there’s just a bat that lives in the awning above our Jacuzzi at home. – Jacuzzi. – And it, and I got really scared one time and fell down when the thing flew at my head, okay? I fell down, I’m sorry, because I’m really close to the ceiling– – But you fell down, Rhett, you fell down in fear. – I hit, of course I did, because Heather Dinkelage got bit by a bat when I was a kid, when we were all out playing. She got bit by a freakin’ bat, it landed in her hair and it wouldn’t get out. It’s like (gurgles) flapping all around in her hair. – Your head’s up in the nest. – Yeah and I’m like, if a bat’s gonna land on somebody’s head, whose head is it gonna land on first, mine. – So you’re like spread eagle on your patio trying to get away from the bat. – No, I fell backwards. – Oh gosh. – I hit the deck and then she started laughing at me and ever since then she’s like, he’s scared of bats. I’m like, I’m scared of any flying mammal that gets within a foot of my head, yes. I don’t think, but I’d watch the fruit bats, but as soon as they turned, I’d hit the deck. – You’re afraid of bees too, man. – I am very scared of bees. – Yeah, and that has nothing to do with any of this. You’ll back-spread for bee at the drop of a hat. – Anything that can fly and hurt you. – You’re afraid of. – Yeah, yeah. – Well, there you go. You’re afraid of it. – I’m afraid of it, but not especially afraid, it’s not a bat phobia. Actually I don’t have a phobia of bees, I’m just very uncomfortable around them. Is there a difference? – No. – Okay, no– – You’re debilitated whenever a bat comes around. – If you had a bat in a glass terrarium and you put it right next to my face, I wouldn’t be scared. I feel like if you have a phobia, you’d be scared. I feel like I have an unnecessarily uh, practical fear of these things. – You have a phobia of bat flight. – I have a phobia of flying bats that are open, flying in the open. – Well, under and awning, that’s not open. – If I took a snake and put it in this jar and it was clear and I held it up to your face, you’d be totally fine? Or would you feel uncomfortable? – I would feel uncomfortable. – See, I feel like that’s different. I feel like that’s like a next layer. That’s like getting into phobia. – I, first of all, I don’t believe you. If I had a bat in a terrarium– – You bring a bat in a jar– – And you will be uncomfortable. – If you can get a bat in a jar, you bring it. – You’ll get that feeling in your balls, like when you walk to the edge of a cliff. – Feeling in my balls, what? – When you walk to the edge of a cliff and there’s that sinking feeling that you might vomit. – Doesn’t happen in my balls, though. – Really? – What are you talking about, you have it in your balls? – Every time I go to the edge of a cliff, I get a feeling in my balls. Like a sinking feeling. – You need to tell that to your doctor. (laughs) We just had a physical today. A very easy physical. – He did ask me to cough, but he didn’t grab anything. – I noticed that, I was actually, I was on my laptop while you were getting the physical and he’s like “please cough” and I’m like oh, what? It’s like, I’m in the same room with you and I think– – Why did you look up? – Because I was like, hold on. – You should have looked away. – Am I gonna have to get the balls out right here in front of Link? I mean, we did get vasectomies together, but, why did he ask you to cough? He didn’t ask me to cough. – I don’t know. He must have looked like, he must have thought I looked like I had something lodged in my lungs. – You have something you need to cough up right now, sir? (coughs) So anyway, but it was great having the ladies with us, because– – The thing that I was frustrated about, I didn’t want to drive around downtown. I wanted to get brisket. – Yeah, right. – And we finally got to, what’s the name of the place that we, I mean, there’s so many places you can go. – Was it Ruby’s or Rudy’s? – Rudy’s, and there’s so many different places in Austin you can go, it’s– – And you’re gonna offend somebody. – It’s like walking around in barbecue heaven. – But we couldn’t go outside of town. – And they all do it so well. So for the sake of timing and location, we went to Rudy’s, “the worst barbecue in Texas” is what their sign says and it’s attached, this particular one is attached to a gas station, which I thought was cool. – Yeah. – Oh, it was so good, y’all. – I mean, it was, it was remarkable. – You get that, what’s the fatty brisket called? – The wet brisket. – We brisket, it’s the brisket with a little more fat and then you get the pork ribs. I mean, Christy’s from Kingston, she’s from down east. They’ll smoke a pork rib at the drop of a hat. Somebody’s birthday, somebody gets married, somebody dies, I’ll cook a pig. She knows some barbecue, and she’s like, this may be the best pork rib I’ve ever had, and I concur. – The thing that– – Now, brisket is something that we don’t do in North Carolina, as like, we don’t take pride in our brisket, but, so I always gotta get that in Texas. – But I would say, A– – And both were so good. – The brisket was as good as I’ve had. Like, I’ve had some really good brisket. – Almost wrong it’s so good. – That was really good, but the ribs specifically. First of all, you gotta, if you wanna really enjoy barbecue, especially a rib, it’s not a sauced rib. Like when you go to like Chili’s or Applebee’s and they give you the baby back ribs and they’re just slathered in sauce, like guys, that’s not a rib. A rib is a dry rub rib that doesn’t have any sauce on it and you’re actually tasting the meat, and it’s smoked, it’s not boiled, it’s not baked. – Low and slow. – It’s smoked, and there’s this, I don’t know how they did it. They have it where it has the taste and like smoke ring of a smoked rib, but the tenderness of one that has been baked. Like, it’s falling, it’s not quite falling off the bone, but it is so, it comes off clean. – Oh my goodness. – [Rhett] They’re so good, man. – It was a heavenly experience. You know, when I’m at a low point, I’m gonna think about that brisket. – We can get some shipped here, you don’t have to just think about it. – I think just thinking about it will be powerful enough. – For me, thinking about it makes me want it. – I’m getting, I’m starving right now. – Yeah, that’s not gonna make you happy. – I’m so hungry. – You’ve just created want within yourself. – But I’m gonna go back to that moment and let me tell you, if you walk in a restaurant and you look in the back corner of the main dining hall and there is a trough where multiple people can wash their hands at once, you know you’re in the right spot. – And right next to that freakin’ trough, they had– – A device. – A device that was two holes, and you thought it was a dish washing thing, and I was like no. – No no, I thought it was a hand dryer. You know how those Dyson blades, you like (beeps) I was like oh, this is a newfangled hand dryer. You wash your hands in the big trough sink and then you put your hands in these two holes because someone, I saw someone with their hands in the holes. – Yeah. – And I was like oh, you wash your hands then you dry your hands in this newfangled version of a hand dryer. – But it wasn’t, it was a hand washer, and it was the most, it was almost sensual. You stick your hands in there. – Come on. – And the water starts going and it’s warm and there’s soap in it and it’s spaced in such a way that the soapy water is lower than the rinse water. – Oh really? – Yes, so you stick it in there and there’s like a sanitizing thing happening as you go deeper. – There’s jets all around the thing. – It’s spinning. – I would say there’s about 40 jets. – It’s like the freakin’ Jetsons. – Around your whole, and you can go all the way up to your shoulder into this thing. – No, you can’t go that deep. – You can go almost to your elbow. – It’s not like delivering a baby cow. – But, you can, I mean because sometimes when you eat ribs, you know, if you hold them like this long enough, you’re gonna get drips all the way down the forearm and they take that into account. It was a sensual experience. – Exactly, it was just warm water and as you pulled it out, there’s like a curtain of rinse water that just rinsed all the soap off and I was like, where are the dry holes? Where are the dryer holes? And they didn’t have dryer holes. – They didn’t have dryer holes. I think those are your pockets. – I think 2018, they’ll get dryer holes there. – Well, it should, the water should turn off and then the air should turn on. And then you should pull it out. – Well, in the future, bathroom sinks are just gonna be a wall of holes. – Oh goodness. – And you just stick your hands in these two holes and then you stick your hands in these two holes and that’s it, I think probably toilets will be that, too. – Yeah, restrooms will just be a series of holes. – It’s just a wall of holes, and you just kinda go up against it. – We have seen the future. We know for certain. – Wall of holes. – That’s it. – You know what? – That was amazing. – I got an idea, we open a restaurant– – I’ve not seen that anywhere else. – We call it Hole In The Wall. – Oh. – And then people come in and be like, but this is real fancy, and we’re like yeah, the hole in the wall has nothing to do with the decor, it has to do with the bathroom. (laughing) The bathrooms are just holes in the wall. – So you reach your hand in and you pull out brisket? Is it in the dining room, too? – Oh gosh, yes, the whole restaurant. – The holes are everywhere. – The whole restaurant is holes. – Hole in the wall. – Hole in the wall, that’s how you get your food, that’s how you pay, that’s how you wash, that’s how you tinkle. – Yeah, it’s an entirely anonymous experience. – It’s just all holes in the wall. There’s no tables or anything. – But it’s a very tasteful, that’s the subtitle, Hole in the Wall, a very tasteful experience. – A very tasteful experience. – Everything about it is tasteful. – Right. Hold on, we gotta write that down. – I should go back to New York, I gotta show New York a little love. Of course, we went there first, and before the inaugural stop on the Tour of Mythicality, which was in Huntington, Long Island, we had to make a few PR stops, including the Ryan and Kelly show, the Kelly and Ryan show. – Kelly and Ryan. – Live With Kelly and Ryan. Many weeks back now, maybe you saw that, but first time we were on there, Ryan Seacrest– – Was absent. – You know, the guy from American Idol. – I know him. – I felt like I knew him really well because I watched a lot of American Idol, from like season two to like. Back in the day, me and Christy, we would time the changing of our kids’ diapers in like season two, season three of American Idol, because we didn’t have Tivo and you couldn’t pause it and we were that into American Idol. – Yeah, the first few seasons, yeah. – I gotta run and change the baby’s diaper, I remember that, in a commercial break from American Idol, that’s how into it we were, and I just thought Ryan was just, he’s always been excellent at it. I always thought he was just great. – He is the kinda guy that you feel like you know because you’ve seen him so many times. – Yeah, I think people may feel that way about us and you know what, I’m honored to be, I’d love to be mistaken for Ryan Seacrest one day. – Any day of the week. – Any day, every day of the week. We didn’t, you don’t think you would? – No, no. – You’re taller than him. – I’m a lot taller than him. – We didn’t meet him before the show and of course we met Kelly last time, she’s great, she’s a personal friend now. No, we’ve taken pictures with her and her son, her son is a Mythical Beast. – Yeah, we did sign a book for her son. – Um, but we didn’t see Ryan until we like walked out and we were actually doing the show. And I’m like, okay, this is cool, you know, it’s weird when you’re thinking things about like, oh I’m meeting Ryan Seacrest, I remember I used to change the baby’s diapers in the commercial breaks for American Idol. I’m thinking all this while we’re actually doing the segment, we’re on live television. – Yeah, 100% man. – I know my mom’s watching, and I’m thinking like– – If you ever see– – His nose looks different in person than it does on television, I’m literally thinking that. – Oh no, 100%, like I think that, and hopefully it’s not obvious. If you go back and watch this, I’m thinking all the same things, you’re think thinking about what you’re supposed to be thinking about. – And that’s no excuse for why I spilled the whole smoothie all over the table, I did that for comedic effect, okay, that was purposeful. – But you’re thinking about the experience that you’re having, I mean– – But that’s good, I feel like it’s good to be in the moment and we can do that. You’re like oh, I’m assessing Ryan Seacrest’s nose location. – There’s things like that, but there’s also like oh, this is interesting, there’s a live, even though this is the second time we’ve been on the show, it’s like this is live and there’s an audience here right now and I’m kinda trying to make them laugh, but I really should be thinking about the people who are watching at home, and you’re having all these thoughts as you’re doing it, and then I like, you know we did the thing and then I called Jessie and I’m like, did you see, did you watch it? And she’s like yeah, um, you swayed a lot. – Swayed? – You swayed a lot. I’m like “what are you talking about?” – Like a palm tree at the corner of your yard? – She’s like, you were kinda like– – Being stared at by a neighbor? – You were swaying back and forth quite a bit. And I was like “really?” – You gotta stop that, Rhett. – And I was, I had a, I was swaying. What I was doing as I was having the thoughts that you’re talking about, I was thinking about oh, we’re on the show and we gotta move things along, we gotta be funny, but I’m thinking about oh, I’m seeing Ryan Seacrest for the first time. That causes me to sway, apparently. – Do a little, was it like a dancing kinda sway? Like you’re listening to REO Speedwagon? – No, it was like I’m ready for action kinda. I think it was my attempt to be energetic because I have a tendency to just be pretty low key. – So it was an athletic sway, it was like a weight-shifting so that you can dodge a hook. – You’d be ready for anything. But I’m such a large individual and I had on a jacket so I think when I started swaying like that, like it’s– – There’s like a bell effect that happens. Whoa, almost turned over my. – A, I started to create a breeze, a noticeable breeze, and B, you can’t help but notice it. It’s like putting a ruler in front of your computer screen and just going like this, you can’t miss it, I had a pink jacket on, up there almost seven feet tall, swaying back and forth like a moron. I’m sorry I did it, and you know what, when she told me that, I’m like, that’s all you got to say? But then I was like, you know what, she was like “you did great, you just swayed a lot.” I was like I’m actually happy you told me that because I’m not gonna sway next, in fact, I’ve been going to Yvonne and I just said “I want you to do something to my hips so I can’t sway.” You know, work the sway out. – Think she’s trying to do the opposite, actually, wants to loosen all of that up. – Yeah, she didn’t. – Tension in the hips makes its way into the neighbors, tension. We met Ryan Seacrest’s assistant, who after the bit, we got our pictures with both of them, and then I think this was afterward, she comes in with a couple of boxes for us, bags with boxes in them. She’s like “Ryan wanted me to give these to you guys.” And we’re opening it up immediately, it’s like oh yeah. – Ryan Seacrest gonna give us something, something nice. – And she’s like, it’s his skincare line for men. And it was a box with like I can’t remember what the brand was, Doctor Somebody. – Doctor … – It doesn’t say “Ryan Seacrest” on it, I just think he just have like a sponsorship deal with this skincare for men, and I’m like, wait wait wait wait wait. I got like a skincare regimen now? – Well, you don’t have to. – Christy, oh, I’ve been using it. You haven’t been using it? I broke this thing out and it’s like– – I have my own. – There’s three tubes. – My own line, Link. – Well, I’ve made fun of Christy for like years because she has this like, here’s my nighttime skin regimen and here’s my morning skin regimen. There’s like, I can’t make sense of what’s on her sink and what’s in the shower, there’s like, like, seemingly three versions of the same thing. Then if you read the fine print it’s like “step one.” – Nighttime cream. – Step five. – Midnight cream. – Step nine, and I’m like– – Early morning cream. – And I didn’t know I would react this way, but then when Ryan Seacrest gave me my own skincare regimen, I was very happy about it. I was like, I have a three-step skincare regimen now. – I’ve been doing that, I’ve been doing something similar for like two years now. – (laughs) Really? – No, seriously. – You didn’t tell me about it. The first one is like rubbing lotiony dirt all over your face. I was like, this doesn’t feel right. – Exfoliating, man. – And then you wash that off, and then the second step. – It’s kinda funny to hear an adult man talk about exfoliation cream like it’s a new invention. – And the the second one, oh gosh, that scared me, what was that, did you hear that? It was uh. – It’s these headphones. If you’d have heard that, it was, it’s like scraping a brisket across Ryan Seacrest’s face, that’s what I just heard. – Well, I heard it as well, I did not have as visceral a reaction. If it was a bat, I would have been on my back. – I am afraid of Ryan Seacrest brisket face, that’s my phobia. – Are you about to tell me that the third step is brisket? – Second, I, second step, man, is– – Pork ribs. – Shave cream plus soap. It’s like face wash that then you shave off instead of rinse off. – Are you sure you read that right? – Yes! I have to read it every time because they all look the same and I don’t want to do them out of order. – You shaving your forehead again? – I don’t, I just wash the part of my face that I shave. And then I’m always concerned about, what about the other parts? And then the last thing is lotion for the face. – It’s pretty revolutionary. (laughs) – And it has– – We’ve got exfoliation cream, shaving cream, and lotion. – Plus soap, man. And then it’s, and I put that everywhere, and it’s got a SPF in it and it feels like I’m putting on sunscreen. – Well because that’s what SPF is. – And I just think when you’re as old as we are, me, you, and Ryan, how old is Ryan Seacrest? – Older than us, but not by much. – 58? (laughing) No, I don’t know, 43. – [Both] 42, yeah. – He’s 42, see, we gotta care about these things. Well all right, I trust the Seacrest. – I’ve been, seriously, I have this, I started this a couple years ago because, well, I get that everyone always tells me that I look tired and um, guys, I don’t look tired, I look old. (laughs) You just need to get more specific. That’s what’s happening to me, I’m aging. I’m 40 years old, I’m not gonna look like– – Not me, I’m using my regimen, man. – No, so but I was like, and also my eyes are like big and buggy and also, this is a perfect example, on camera you’ve got lights that are coming down and also– – Your eyeball itself creates a shadow, that’s how much it bugs out. – And– – Push them in. Talk to Yvonne about that. – Because, well she has to pull on the middle of the nose. – She just grabs your face and with her thumbs, just like pushes in your eyes. – She never does anything direct, she’ll like give me a wet willy and my eyeballs will go in. Now, because I’m gonna partly blame you for this because you’ve got glasses and we can’t have a light that reflects and so we have to have a light that is high enough so that it doesn’t reflect in Link’s glasses and that creates this situation where I’ve got these bags, and so I’ve got these big exposed eyeballs and sometimes the bags are really kicking in. – Yeah, we have the opposite. My eyes are so deep, it’s like Yvonne’s pushing them all the way in. – We need to tell her that we need a happy medium. – Right, we need to go in together. She needs to hug both of us. – But because of that, I have like a, I have a two-step process. – Oh, that’s efficient. – I put this, and then in the morning I do this stuff. – What’s in that, whoa, what’s in the night? – Well I do like a Retin-A based thing, which is like– – Acne? – Well it helps with acne, but it helps with discoloration and like, you know as you start getting older and you get like weird spots on your face and stuff like that so it keeps that from happening. And then the eye gel keeps from the bags, man. It’s like I gotta do it in the morning before we shoot, and even though I still do that, it still looks, like if you go back five years, you can be like oh yeah, he’s getting old. He’s getting old, I see it. – All that stuff is hoodoo, man. – No it’s not. – Eye gel? – First of all, what is hoodoo? Did you mean voodoo? – No, hoodoo, it’s a term. – But it’s, no it’s not, man. – Next time you’re in an Uber, ask him. – What I’m saying is that stuff is legitimate, man. You’re the one that just told me about your three-step process, you think all that’s hoodoo? – Yeah, but I just love to do it because it seems like I’m proceduring myself. – There’s no doubt that putting some lotion on your skin helps– – Yeah but— – Stave off the aging process. Absolutely no doubt, it’s been scientifically proven. Haven’t you watched a commercial? – Well, my actions and my emotions speak louder than my words. – Yeah, but I’ve been doing that process, man. I swallowed my pride a long time ago. You hear enough comments about something and then you start doing something about it. – Next time I see Ryan Seacrest, I’m gonna be like “Ryan, I’ve been using your skin regimen.” – And he’s gonna be like “well, I don’t.” (laughing) Good for you. – He does. – I use the expensive stuff. That’s what he’s gonna tell you. – No, I believe in my heart that I have a connection with him every time I rub my face. – You think Ryan Seacrest is sitting around shaving his whole face just to wash it? (scoffs) He’s not doing that, it’s a prank, man. There’s probably a camera in that third step, like how many people are gonna think that we can actually put shaving cream and soap together in one product? – Explain the camera. – I’m saying that the whole system is an elaborate prank on people like you, and like four years from now there’s gonna be a compilation video on Jimmy Kimmel (laughs) that’s just gonna be a bunch of people washing and shaving their face at the same time, and you’re gonna be the star of it. – Okay, I’m fine with it, if that means I can have yours, your box. – Well I do want to test it. I might add one of the steps to my two-steps. Since you got three steps, I only got two steps, I feel like I need another step. And I’m definitely not gonna wash and shave, I don’t shave at all. – We could, and then you know we’re gonna invent like a mythical face regimen. – Of course we are. – For sad, middle aged men, but it’s gonna involve brisket juice. – We need to do a teen acne brisket juice regimen. – Yeah. – Step one is rubbing brisket, step two is you just eat pork ribs, just because you can. – Experience the sound of brisket rubbing across your face just like Ryan Seacrest does. – I bet you brisket on the face would help with acne, something about the fats. – Something about it. – Yeah, well it would give you a youthful glow. – All right guys, we’re gonna tweak it, we’re gonna go into R&D at Mythical Entertainment, and um, we won’t burden you with the details until it’s fully fleshed out. – Thank you for listening, and thank you for letting us know what you think about Ear Biscuits using #earbiscuits. I regularly go on the Twitter and look up the #earbiscuits to see what you guys think. – Yeah. – So thank you for doing that. – And then he tells me about it and we talk about it. Sometimes I’ll search it, too. – That’s why there’s two of us.