(upbeat electronic music) – Welcome to Ear Biscuits, I’m Link. – And I’m Rhett. This week at the round table of dim lighting, we are exploring the question is Thanksgiving better without family? Oh what? No really? – Or is it better with family, because, it’s kinda like a science experiment. We got a control group. – Control group. – An experimental group because I went home to visit my family, haven’t told you much about it so we’re gonna catch up. And you stayed behind. – And I haven’t told you much about it. – And you haven’t told me much about it so I wanna figure this out. This is a legitimate, legitimate question. First time ever that I went home for Thanksgiving actually, so I guess previous years inform an experiment without my own family of being with them or not for Thanksgiving. – That is a good point. – Yeah there was some strategy that went into it and now on the backside of it– – Strategy. – Let’s figure that out. Let’s see what social science has to say. Not really, let’s just see what we have to say. – And before we get into that, I had an experience that I wanted to tell you about. – Is that right? – As you know, you are a massage aficionado. – Yeah and in my next life I’m gonna be, or in retirement I guess, or tomorrow, if I really get fed up with this place. I’m gonna be a massage critic. – Right, the first ever. – I’m gonna go in, like a restaurant critic, I’m gonna roll into places. – You’re gonna have a blog. – And I’m gonna have a well-written assessment, very detailed about the massage I’ve gotten. – MassageExpert.blogspot.com. – You might think that that, Link, that’s Yelp. And you might be right but you would be wrong because I don’t get paid to write on Yelp, and I would get paid to do this. – Right, yes, it’s a booming business waiting to happen. – So yeah I fancy myself very into massages. Receiving them. – And I, interestingly, I think I’m just as much, MassageExert.blogspot.com is a website. Of course it is, Link, you’re gonna have to buy it from that person. – It’s my website. The site where you can find anything about massage. Exclamation point. Hasn’t been updated since when? – [Together] 2009. – Okay, all right, I think you can in for a low, low price. I enjoy massage as well. I venture to say I enjoy massage as much as you, but I have not been as aggressive in scheduling my own massages. I enjoy massage so much that two years ago, when my in-laws asked my wife, what can you get for the guy who has everything? – Oh gosh. (Rhett chuckles) What can you get for the guy who has a putting green in his house? – What can you get for the douche? What can we get for your douchebag husband? – No that’s two years ago, you didn’t have a putting green. – Not yet, yeah. – But you were a douche. – And Jessie said, you know what’d be really douchey? – By the way, I don’t wanna ever use that word again. I don’t like it. – You don’t wanna say douche? – I think it’s wrong on a bunch of levels. – The word douche is something you don’t wanna say. – Can we come up with another word, ’cause this is a running gag, but I just wanna use a different word. – What is douche backwards? – I’m uncomfortable with it. – Choud? – What is douche backwards? I gotta write it down. – Look, look how douchey this is. I realized that I had so much merch on, and then I realized if I did this– – I gotta actually write this. Eh-cuad, echuod. E-H-C-U-O-D. – Hey look at this. – Ehuod, echuod. – What if I seriously did this? Now for those of you just listening, I’ve rolled my sleeves up and I got my hat on backwards. – For those of you listening, you’ve made a great choice. I think is what we’re at, all right– – Do not watch the video. – An echuod, echuod. – This, in fact– – Keep going with your story. – No, I would like people to take a screenshot of this and then put echuod underneath it. – Don’t put me in the screen shot. Well actually you can put me– – I’m doing it in my camera. – Oh. – I got one in my camera, and I got one in the wide camera. You can’t get out of that. – Echuod. So you’re in-laws asked Jessie what could they give you and apparently you said, a gift certificate for a massage, or do you want your in-laws to give you a massage, like both of ’em? – That was my first request. – Oh gosh. – I wanted a four-hander. (chuckles) That’s what they call that. – No they don’t. – It is, no, no, no. – Can you get a massage from two people at once? – It’s called a four-hand massage. – I think that’s called being a monarch. – No, four-handed, I know it sounds like some weird thing you’d find on Urban Dictionary, but that’s, I’ve literally seen– – No. Don’t lie to my face with that hat. – Anyway, I– – Good idea though. – I request– – I bet it costs over twice as much money. – I requested a– – I wonder, I’m– – Okay, thanks for letting me– – I just feel like we’re onto something. – Continue. (chuckles) – Can you call– – MassageExpert.blogspot.com. – Can you call a massage place and say, I would like a deep tissue massage for 90 minutes and I want two people. Can you do that? – Yeah, they say it’s double the price. Maybe they say it’s, maybe it’s, you know, 1.5 the price, I don’t know. Let’s find out, make a call. That could be your first blog. Be, guess what happened when I called and asked for a four-hander. – I’m gonna do it. All right I’m gonna do it. – So anyway, Jessie said he likes massage and what that turned into was them getting me gift certificates to several massage places and of course, not being from here– – Several massage places? – They did not necessarily calculate the distance from where I’m at in town– – Oh okay yeah. – And where these massage places were and it would require a special trip basically, and so I haven’t gotten, I just haven’t done it. But, when you went home for Thanksgiving, you went home on a Sunday or Monday or something, and so I was here. – Sunday, yeah. – And I would like you to know, I did work. I did work as much as my wife would let me. Was trying to get ahead, man. But the first day– – That makes one of us. – Of Thanksgiving vacation, I was like, you know what, the Rhettster needs some me time, and the Rhettster needs to go across town and get one of these massages. – You were putting into practice our last conversation, which I’ve thought a lot about, by the way. – And so I go to this Thai massage place– – In Thailand? – On the west side. – That far? – No it’s just on the west side, and it was, so, I would not have been able to tell you exactly what Thai massage was even though now I realize I’ve had one before. Now that I’ve gone back I’m like oh, so now I understand. So I went to this place that was a really cool, felt like I was, it was kind of just in not a strip mall but it was just in on an office block in Santa Monica but when you walked in it was just like, oh, I’ve been trans– – Transylvania? – Transported into this rainforest cafe. – Really, in Disneyland? – Yeah. But the woman said, “Put this t-shirt and these pants on,” and they were Thai fisherman pants and she was like, “Do you know how to put those on?” And I was like, “Buddy, I do, I got a pair at home.” – I Googled that. – And I’ve watched the YouTube video on how to do that, so yes I know how to do it. So I was like oh this is interesting, because I was planning on getting naked. – Underwear underneath the Thai pants. – Yeah, no, I know, because I got pants on. And then I go back out into the area– – Until you don’t. – No you don’t take ’em off, you leave ’em on the whole time. – Oh. – That’s what I’m getting into is the massage area is basically communal, so not massage tables but massage pads. No hole for your face, so you’re not face-down, you’re faced to the side or just face in the pillow suffocating. – Are these pads on the floor like kindergartners taking naps? – Well yeah, they were on the floor, I mean it was like an elevated deck area with a bunch of curtains so that you could curtain off the different places, but there were multiple massages going on and you could basically kinda see and hear the other people who were around you and you left all this on and then the reason that the massage happens on the floor is because this woman proceeded to do a yoga routine on my back. In fact, she may have just been doing her yoga routine, it may have had nothing to do with massaging me at all, maybe it was just a scheduling conflict and it was just a woman who showed up for yoga and just was on top of me the whole time. – Awesome, so, listen. – Which was awesome, by the way. – I think it was an early GMM episode– – Oh those don’t matter. – I think we’ve both had and talked about massages where women would stand on our backs and hold onto bars on the ceiling. – Yeah. – And then walk on your back and give you a massage with their full body weight because they weighed like 80 pounds. – That is Thai massage, but technically, the being on the floor makes it authentic. – Oh, and with the curtains, did you say that they pulled a curtain around so that no one could see this happening or was it a spectator sport? – For privacy, yeah, they pulled it around. – Okay so you couldn’t see anyone else getting walked on. – Right but I knew that it was happening. – It was like an operating room. – But the thing that was notable about this was– – The curtains. – It was the most painful massage I have ever received. Now I’ve had some painful massages. I usually tell people go as hard as you possibly can. I’ll let you know if you need to let up. – Oh yeah. – And never before have I told somebody to let up. I’ve just taken it. – Me neither. – But this woman was poking and prodding me with her full body weight and it would get to a place where it was like, all the weight. I could have sworn she was balancing on an elbow is how it felt. – On like your mid-back. – She would be the mid-back, the low back, but the shoulders. Now first of all, it was all this stuff happening and I was going, and she would really dig in, I would go– (groans softly) And that would be like the first signal that like this is painful. – Did you do that consciously or did it eek out as she’s pressed on you? – It started involuntarily and then it became like a code, a language. – You know everyone can hear that through the sheet. – I didn’t care. It hurt so bad, I couldn’t stop. – Wow. – But here’s the thing. After a few times of going– (moaning) I was like, hold on, does that sound like I’m enjoying it? (laughs) – Well I can answer that and the answer’s yes, and then my follow-up statement is, I don’t wanna hear it again. – Okay well you’re gonna hear more than that because I gotta keep going, I gotta tell you the whole language. I gotta teach you the whole language. – [Link] You were inventing the language. – I invented the language. So after about 10 minutes of going– (softly moans) (laughs) – Really? – I realized that she may think that I’m digging this. – But you weren’t. – She was digging me, man. She was digging into me. – Digging into you, yeah. – And I knew that it was helping, you know what I’m saying, she would get on a knot, I could feel her on a knot. – Yeah yeah yeah. – And she’s working that knot, I’m like, you gotta work that knot. You gotta work my booty knot. She didn’t really work the booty knot. She would just work the muscle knots. – Love the way you work my booty knot. – And, um… ♪ I’m tight ♪ ♪ I’m so stressed. ♪ – There was one time where she was so into the shoulders– ♪ Need someone to work my chest ♪ – That I was like, I’m gonna have to change the language up and at that point I was just like, oh! (laughs) – Really? – Oh, now! (laughs) – You said, “Oh, now!” – Yeah, I was like, I gotta move beyond mms, and I gotta go, oh! (laughs) – What about how ’bout just wait! Oh now? – The oh, yeah. ‘Cause I thought that the– – Whoa, now! Too far! That’s the rectum! What, I mean it seems– – No, man. It was on the shoulder. – Oh, okay. – The next part was gonna be stop! I didn’t wanna say that, you don’t wanna do that. – Stop! (chuckles) – I thought, oh! And then at that point, she was like, “Is this hurting you?” (sputters) And I was like, “Yeah, a little bit.” Yes, I feel like I’m about to die. I didn’t say that. – Now you had given her the speech, go for it and I’ll let you know if it’s too much. – No no, because I saw what was happening, I was like, this is gonna be painful. – You didn’t say anything. – Let me tell you. By the time this was over, she had done a couple of things where, she did this one thing where she sat on my shoulders like I was about to take her on a piggy-back ride. (chuckling) – She’s like okay now, stand up. Let’s get out of here. – What does she think? – I gotta reach something on the top shelf. In the back room. – Is she gonna say, giddy-up! And I’m just supposed to go? But what she was doing– – It’s like Yoda with Luke Skywalker, man. – She was sitting on top of me and I was sitting with my legs crossed in front of me. And then she sat on my back and folded me down. – Oh no. – And I was like, I’m just so prideful. I’m just so prideful, I can’t tell people that that shouldn’t happen to me, you know, and so, she folds me in half and then she’s like, “You’re so flexible.” (laughs) And I’m thinking, well not really. (both laughing) – I’m just too prideful to say that you are breaking me in half. I’m going to have to go to a doctor. – Well, thankfully my back is in very good shape now compared– – I mean, especially with your back, I’m surprised. – Well first of all, my back is in great shape, so I actually– – Until that. I mean, you don’t– – No no no. I would have stopped her if I really thought that something was gonna happen to my back. – You were sitting criss-cross applesauce– – I am flexible. – And she put your nose into the mat? – Yeah, but I am flexible. I’m very flexible. – Okay, okay. And you’re prideful and you’re– – I’ve been told by many people now, so flexible. My personal trainer– – You know who you sound like, right? I’m so flexible. Many people tell me how flexible I am. – No well that’s not like saying I’m the humblest person I know. I’m just saying that I’m proud of myself in the flexibility I’ve gained and I’ve done it for the sake of my back and it actually has been very helpful for my life and for my Thai massage experiences, so I don’t have to say, “Hey, whoa whoa whoa whoa! “Don’t ride me like a horse.” – So but when she said, “Am I hurting you?” You said, “Yes.” – I said, “You could go a little easier.” – You made it about her. – And then she said– – You’re not doing it right. – And then she said, “Don’t die.” – (sputters) Don’t die? – Yeah, she said that, but she was kind of being funny. – Don’t die. – Anyway, I felt incredible coming out of there and I felt like I don’t know if I can do this again because I do think I was pre-occupied with being injured the whole time. – Was it a high, it sounds like a high-end place. – Yeah yeah it was, it was very high-end. Yeah yeah it wasn’t one of these strip mall locations. The cops might show up at any point. It wasn’t one of those. It was legit, man. This is legit. I got a tea after I got done and everything. – I’ve had tea. (Rhett mutters) – Lots of people have had tea. – I’m tempted to go there ’cause that seems like a good– – Well there’s one on the east side as well. – You could be a guest blogger on my site. – (chuckles) Guest post from @rhettmc. And his– – Oh, no. – You can have audio files of my massage language. Proven to work. Proven to work at one Thai massage. Whoa now! – Whoa! Now. Oh goodness. – So that’s it, man, that’s my massage. Thanks for asking. (chuckles) – Dang man, snapped you in half. – So we’re gonna talk about Thanksgiving travels and experiences but first I do wanna let you know that you know, I kinda feel self-conscious about how much merch I have on right now, I don’t believe I’ve ever done a hat and a shirt together. I feel like a Paul brother. – It’s happening though. You’ve got yourself a Good Mythical hat. Available at Mythical.store. – Yep. – No? Hat’s not even available anymore, that hat sold out? – [Rhett] It sold out, man. – We’ve moved onto new hats, check ’em out. This shirt here– – Soon we will. – Available at Mythical.store. – Is that available? – Oh yeah, that one’s– – But this is not. This sold out. This is sold out man, you see– – [Link] There was one with a pocket, that sold out. – [Rhett] This stuff is just selling out, man. – Yeah boiled for safety. – You gotta get it while the gettin’s good. Mythical.store. – Gotta keep ’em guessing. Support internetainment. – Support internet-et-et-ainment. – And rep, rep your boys. (chuckles) Mythical.store. – Rep your boys, I like that. – I decided, well it was a long, actually many years went into when is the Christmas that we’re not gonna go home? But we’re gonna stay here in Los Angeles and celebrate just as an immediate family. Every single year, I guess for six years– – Well, try eight. – Really? – Yeah. – This Christmas will be eight years in Los Angeles for us? – This Christmas would be the ninth. – Wow. – Because your first one was in 2011. Right, and so if you could the one and the eight. No so this year would be, this year would be the ninth. – Okay I’ll take your word for it ’cause my brain’s kinda hurting. – Right? – No I think it’s– – No this year would be the eighth. This year would be the eighth, we started in 2011. – So the seven previous years we go home, we stay here for Thanksgiving or go on vacation, because summers were so crazy, we would take vacations over Thanksgiving, we both would. – We both would. – And then for Christmastime, leading up to the new year, we’d go home, for the past seven years but I don’t know, you kinda wanna experiment and say, you don’t have your own thing, okay, with your immediate family. Like before we moved, we were starting to do the thing where grandparents and aunts and uncles or slash siblings would come visit us and we’d have our own thing and our own traditions and then people would show up at different times, and we’d still go to places on Christmas night or Christmas Eve, that type of stuff, but we had special Christmas morning, that was a special time for us. – Very special. – Insert whatever special holiday time for you and your family is appropriate if it’s a different set of holiday. Still all applicable, I believe. (chuckles) I just wanna include you all. But my point is, once we moved out here, we didn’t have any of that, because the week leading up to Christmas and all the way afterward, we were itinerant, and I’ve talked about this I’m sure on the podcast many times as we’ve caught each other up. But we decided, okay, this is the year we’re gonna stay here but we’ll go home for Thanksgiving instead. And it’ll be a little early and then we’ll talk it over with family members. Some have a more developed opinion than others, and you gotta talk to them in certain orders and get everybody’s buy in. But everybody was very gracious, and turns out they were even thinking, yeah, I think this would be good for you guys. Your kids are getting older, you need to have your own traditions and your own things that you wanna do, so, I was very relieved that all of our family was on-board. – So you think this is the new normal? – I think it can go either way now. But at this point, I mean, well I haven’t experienced Christmas here so I don’t know, if it goes as well as, I have super high hopes. – Yeah Christmas here may suck, man. – It may suck, I don’t know. But people say it’s a ghost town here in Los Angeles. It’s like it transforms into a different city where no one’s here and I’m pretty interested in that. That would be cool. And I’d have the run of the city. – Yeah. – Have the run of the city. It’s like, take Christmas trees everywhere, just loot. Go looting with my family, that’s what I plan to do. – That’s good. Take empty stockings and fill them with people’s valuables. – Yeah. – That’s a fun Christmas tradition. – So I don’t know, the jury’s still out but I’m saying that that’s a possibility that that may be the new normal when you’re talking about traditions like that. People can come visit us and be included in it. We’re not being exclusive. But anyway it felt really good for people to be supportive and so we went home for Thanksgiving as part of that and we stayed at Christy’s sister’s house where we, that’s our home base now. And my nephew Nehemiah, he’s three years old. And he’s wide open. It was great to be there and hang out with him and the kids just hanging out with him. He wanted to perform these songs. He has original songs. So everyone would be sitting around and he would get up in front of everybody and he would make Lincoln or Lando play the drums. He’d be like, “Okay, play really hard. “Play really,” and he would get angry. He would channel anger as a way to say how hard he wanted the drums to be played. – I like this kid. – On like a basket. – He’s three? – He’d be like, “Play harder!” And he would grab the hands that are holding the sticks and he would say, “Play really hard,” and then once you got it to Lars, not Lars Ulrich, what’s the drummer for Metallica? Is that him? – How about the drummer for John Couger Mellencamp, Kenny Aronoff. (chuckles) – What about John Bonham? I mean once he got Lincoln to full John Bonham, just breaking sticks. Then he starts singing and he’s like, Britney kept having to encourage him. “Now remember, we’re gonna use a singing voice, “not a yelling voice.” – I like this kid a lot! – I love him. And I like him. – Screamo already. – And he’s like, he just launches into– ♪ We make the rules ♪ ♪ We make the rules ♪ ♪ We make ♪ ♪ The rules ♪ And it turns out, this was a collaboration with another cousin of his that wasn’t present at the time so that was the we. – The we, I was about to say. – He and his other cousin. It’s very insightful. It gives lots of insight into the psyche of a three year old. – Right there’s a song– – To this boy really. – There is a song in which they’ve created a world in which they make the rules. – Yeah they’re in charge. We make the rules. – Because the world is all about rules when you’re three. – Yes, it’s all about rules, it’s like, you know what, we’re gonna make them. – Ultimately you realize that he captured basically the spirit of rock and roll. – (chuckles) Yeah. – In his song. – Yeah, man. – No, we make the rules. – If rock and roll were acapella except for your older cousin playing drums on a wicker basket then yes. That’s like intense rock and roll. – That is the underlying message of all rock. – Not the sound though. – (chuckles) Right. – Maybe in the voice. Like the screaming could even work. You don’t even have to tell him not to scream. And then there was another one that, I don’t remember the tune, but it was basically something like, anything we can do, we can do! (Rhett laughs) So it was like– – I like that. – The same concept. – Yeah yeah yeah. – I don’t remember the exact words but it was basically like that. We can do anything that we can do. And we’re gonna do it. – Kind of tautology. – And you know why? Because if you flip the record over– ♪ We make the rules ♪ And you would cheer and it was fabulous, man. Yes, make the rules, Nehemiah. Do that. – Your wife actually, or your wife, I don’t know, somebody in your family did post this on– – On Instagram? – On their Instagram so I have to say that I have seen the we make the rules. – Oh you saw that? – I been singing it all week. (laughs) Can’t get it out of my head. ♪ We make the rules ♪ – I mean it’s kinda like a– ♪ Anything you can dream ♪ ♪ You can do ♪ That Lando performed at his school that one of the guys, one of the parents wrote, and then I was like, that’s not true Lando, remember? – Oh yeah yeah yeah. Broke, shattered his dreams. – But you know what, you make some rules. You and Nehemiah can make your own rules. The day before Thanksgiving, we went to my Nana’s house, my dad’s mom’s house. And I’m not gonna get too sad but I will say that it was difficult in one way in particular because it was the first time Papa wasn’t there, having passed away months ago. And with my uncle Dan also passing away right before that which I’ve talked about on this show, so it was like there was this anticipation of, okay, there’s gonna be some empty seats so to speak. Now there was never a plan to leave seats empty, but actually, what happened, what had happened was, after our concert, I’ve told you this, right? We went to… Well, at our concert at the North Carolina State Fair, my mom and Lewis rode there with my dad and Nancy. – So this is your parents and their new partners, hanging out together. – Yeah and Nana all rode in Dad’s truck up there because they were concerned about parking. – But it has been 30 years, more than that, since your parents were a couple so it’s– – Oh yeah. – We’ve had a lot of time for the awkwardness to settle a little bit. – Well– – But it’s still unusual. – They have never ridden in the same car anywhere. – Right, right, right, right. – And so when Dad and Nancy offered to take them, I was like, okay, I’ll let ’em know, and then they did it and it went great, and come to find out, on the ride there, the ride back, they’re talking about Thanksgiving plans and how we’re coming to town for Thanksgiving, not Christmas this time, they’re like, you know what? Dad and Nancy were like, “Sue, you and Lewis “should come to our Thanksgiving.” And I’m hearing about this and I’m like, after they had decided. They were like, “Well we were invited,” I was like, “Sounds weird, but–” – Awesome! – Great! ♪ We make the rules ♪ (laughing) – So– – But hold on. – For the first time ever, my mom came to my dad’s side, to a big family event on my dad’s side of the family. – But I will say, ’cause– – Even birthday parties growing up. They were all separate, I’d have twice as many birthday parties, twice as many Christmases. – What I’m getting at is, this is, you know, super common in modern society for families to split up and there to be two entities and then the children have to kinda make choices and go from place to place. – Right. – It is a pretty novel concept if you can all get along. – Just get together. – Sounds like a movie. Which it probably is. – Christmas Eve, we’d always go to Nanny’s house, my mom’s mom, my dad’s side of the family had nothing to do with it because Christmas night was Nana’s night for my dad’s side of the family. My mom had nothing to do with that. I was the only one that would do both and it was great ’cause I got, you end up getting a lot more presents I think. – Yeah, definitely. – But now I don’t really get much presents and this is Thanksgiving so presents are out of the equation. – Oh your family doesn’t do Thanksgiving presents, huh? – No they don’t. We’re not even thankful. – Oh. – Just kidding. – We don’t even do thankful. – It was this interesting dynamic and there’s like, I think there were, what was the number? It ended up being like 16 people there so it wasn’t like an awkwardly small group of people sitting around a small table. We’re putting a bunch of tables together. It turned out to be, there were still moments of it being very sad. Really experiencing missing the key members of our family for the first time. It in no way erases that but it created something new. My cousin Kurt and they had a newborn. Three months old, first time we met the baby. It was like, so there’s all this excitement that like gives something to celebrate which was very much needed. And then it’s like, and then I look down at that end of the table and it’s like, my mom’s sitting there. It’s so weird but this is great. I mean I think everybody’s having a good time. And everybody did have a good time. It all worked out, and at one point, I’ve talked about Lewis, my step-dad who I’ll never call my step-dad because that’s just weird ’cause they got married way after I got married, but I’m like, his catchphrase. Good, good, good. Talked about that, right? – Yes. – We’ve talked about, we built it up with the kids, we’re like, “All right, “Papa Lewis is gonna be at the Thanksgiving dinner tonight.” They’re like, “Tonight, at Nana’s?” I’m like, “Yes!” So– – Let’s do a drinking game, kids. (Link laughing) Every time he says, “Good, good, good,” you take a shot of gravy. – That’s a good idea. And I’m like so you gotta listen for it. And then lo and behold, the kids get up from the table. We’re all sitting there at the table after everybody’s eaten. Some people start getting up, they’re doing stuff, but most of the people are still at the table and then Lewis is like, “Oh boy that was good.” My ears perk up. (Rhett laughs) And I look across the table at Christy and I’m like– – It’s like pulling a cord. – Christy’s eyes met mine and he was like, “Oh gosh, that was good. “Good, good, good,” I was like, yes! And Christy and I look at each other and that was the best moment of Thanksgiving and then I look around for the kids and they’re not at the table! – Oh they didn’t even witness it. – I think Lily was at the table and she didn’t hear it somehow. And that was the only, “Good, good, good,” of the whole– – You’re kidding? – That’s the only one he did. – And he gave you like a warning shot. – Yeah. – Everybody could have gathered around during that pause. – I got it, I got it, I just wanted the kids to get it. I mean the next day, which was Thanksgiving Day, we’re at Nanny’s house, so my mom’s side of the family. My dad and Nancy weren’t invited to that. I don’t know, it didn’t go both ways. I don’t know what happened. – Interesting. – And we’re there and Lewis didn’t give a good, good, good there. It was good, good, good. – Did he have a bad, bad, bad Thanksgiving? – Well. After… It was great. Thanksgiving was great there, it was like Nanny and her siblings. Uncle Jimmy was there. Never seen Uncle Jimmy. He was there. He’s hard to understand. (Rhett chuckles) I love the way he talks, I’m just saying. – It needs to be subtitled. – Yeah it needs to be, he’s like– – He needs to have his own subtitle around his neck. – (chuckles) You need to have a relative– – He needs to have an iPad that he wears that subtitles him. – I’m not gonna do an impersonation because I think that would be cruel, but I love him for it. That’s the thing about getting together with your family is just, I’m in more observation mode, you know, it’s not like we’re getting into deep conversations or anything, we’re just sitting around. Nanny gets so cold that she set, literally, it was like 85 degrees. – Oh it’s tropical. – And so after, after we’ve eaten and it’s 85 degrees and you’re sitting shoulder to shoulder in this carpeted living room with the kerosene heater on, everybody just started wilting, man. And then a couple of family members would have to go outside to smoke and then they’d come back in and me and Christy are really sensitive to the smell of smoke and we got headaches from just the residual smell on the clothes and we started to really have a difficult time. So I was like, well, Mom and Lewis had to go to Lewis’s family’s thing and then we were gonna stay like two more hours, I’m like, after another hour and the dog show’s over and stuff, I’m like– – The dog show? – We were wilting, we had to get out of there. So I’m like, well, and we had seen Nanny another day before so we got some good quality time in, then I was like, we said our goodbyes and headed out. And then we get out to the car and Christy’s like, well we can’t go back to Britney’s because they’re not there, they’re at JB’s family’s house. We don’t have a key. So we don’t have somewhere to be for like two and a half hours. I’m like, well I really need a coffee. And it’s Thanksgiving Day and we’re driving around to McDonald’s and then I get to McDonald’s, I’m like yes. And then the daggone McDonald’s is closed. – Oh yeah ’cause you’re in Lillington. – And I look across, I’m in Angier, and then I look across the street and there’s, I can’t get gas station coffees. And then we drive to Fuquay, I’m like, there’s a McDonald’s in Fuquay, there’s a Starbucks in Fuquay. I go to both of those, they’re both closed. I’m getting desperate. I go to the Dunkin Donuts, closed. I’m starting to feel like a real loser now. I’m driving my family around on Thanksgiving Day just feening for coffee, and getting turned away like Les Mis. – Well okay, that’s a little, okay. – I don’t remember the story Les Mis, I didn’t watch the movie. – It’s exactly like that. – Christy’s like, “There’s a Sheetz.” I’m like, “Gas station coffee?” – Oh, Sheetz is not a gas station. – Well you know what, I have never been in a Sheetz. Never been inside of one. – What? – I’ve heard about ’em. – You can order food from the gas pump. – You can order lattes from a screen inside, which I did. – Of course you did. – And that explains why on Christmas Day, me and my immediate family were playing cards for an hour and a half in a Sheetz gas station because we had nowhere to be. – That’s why I got a group text, of you playing cards in a gas station on Thanksgiving. – And I felt kinda defeated, I’m like, is this a father fail? Does this speak, does this answer the question at the top of the show that like, it’s better to not be with family on Thanksgiving, ’cause here I am choosing to play cards just with my kids and my wife in a Sheetz gas station. – I mean. – And then Christy’s like, “You know what? “This could be a tradition.” – Oh gosh. – And it’s a magical phrase. No matter what happens, if it’s bad, try this, next time you’re in a weird, defeated or odd holiday situation. Just don’t even think about it, just say it out loud, speak it into the ether. “This could be a tradition.” Everything changed at that moment. Like, I got a tingle up my spine. – A Sheetz tingle. – You know what, I got a Sheetz tingle. I’m like, yeah. Even if we’re not here for Thanksgiving, we can fly all the way here to go to this Sheetz. No, we didn’t mean that, but it changed the perspective on the whole thing. – Well, a sponsorship from Sheetz would definitely change– – Yeah, work it. – Change this. – Work it. – Change it. – So that was my Thanksgiving, and by the way, then I left there and we met Britton and his family at a Waffle House, so I went from a Sheetz and then spent the next two and a half hours at a Waffle House on Thanksgiving night. – That’s a upgrade. Both places are great, but Waffle House (clicks tongue), that’s prime. – We walked in the Waffle House– – Prime eatin’. – And the manager looked at us and he said, out loud, basically at the top of his voice, said, “What the hell?” And I thought it was like, yeah, Thanksgiving night, I know, we’re here at a Waffle House. Of course so are you, manager. It’s great that you’re here so that I can be here. And then it turned out at the end he was a fan. (Rhett chuckles) But he didn’t tell me that until– – And that was his reaction. – Two and a half hours later. So yeah, gas station and a Waffle House on Thanksgiving night. It can be a tradition. That’s my update, brother. – Okay, well I had a different experience. Pretty much same backstory, been going home for Christmas every year. – Yeah. – But all of a sudden we can’t go home for either Thanksgiving or Christmas because of my son’s basketball commitments. Which means we’re gonna get the LA Christmas as well but we also got the LA Thanksgiving. We got family coming out for Christmas so taken care of that, but, after having been, we’ve traveled as a family for the past few Thanksgivings and so this was sort of the first, well we did like the Friendsgiving thing years ago but– – Right. – This was kind of a new group of people. And the people who invited us we’re very close to, but then they kind of invited a lot of people that they know that they’re close to, so there was people that I had seen like once, and there was people I’ve never seen. We’re talking about 25 people at this Friendsgiving. – Which is big in LA. – Yeah ’cause you got all these people who don’t go back home and nobody is with their extended family and so– – You don’t want to find yourself alone at a Sheetz. – And you got a lot of single people. You got a lot of young couples without children. And so, I think, it was basically just me and my kids and then one other family and their kids, but the only families with kids and everybody else was younger, more vibrant. – I saw a picture of the group. Sharp looking group, big group. I’d say there was 24 people there. – There was 25. – 25 people, yeah, yeah, you dressed up a little bit for it. – I did? – I thought that you did. It looked like you were wearing a sweater. – I had a sweater on, yeah, I had a Thanksgiving sweater on. – Yeah, yeah. – Made out of turkey feathers. (both laugh) If you’d have been close enough, you could have seen that. – I’ll have to zoom in. – Had on my cranberry pants. You can’t see that because (chuckles), because of the angle. – The pants were made out of– – The skins of cranberries. – The skin that hangs off a turkey’s neck. – Yeah right, they’re just bright red. Wrinkly, looks like leather unless you get close. – Like a turkey’s nut sack. – Scrotum pants. – But the scrotum does hang from the chin of a– – Dot com. So, I was very excited. Because, you know me, I love to eat, and I was very excited because the friend of the person who was kinda throwing this was like, they’re gonna take care of the food. And a few people did make things to bring, like my wife made a sweet potato casserole, southern style with some pecans on top, brown sugar. – Oh yeah. – You know. Just a traditional Thanksgiving side, very good. And here’s what I’ll say. – I call that a pre-dessert, not a side, not a dessert. But anyway. – I enjoyed the meal quite a bit. You had your staples, you had your turkey, you had your gravy. Your cranberry sauce, chutney, whatever. And then like the sides that people brought. But I did notice something. First of all, there was obviously a vegan option for basically everything. This is Los Angeles so you got like a vegan option, but it wasn’t like a tofu turkey, they had like seitan. – Mm-hm. – Which I call Satan, I just go straight for that. – It’s very big of you to invite Satan to your Thanksgiving celebration. – Satan steak, we have cut him up and served him on Thanksgiving. Be thankful for his death. – Hm. – But the thing that I kinda noticed is that, the only thing on my plate that had the quantities of butter and sugar and flour that I feel like constitutes (clicking tongue) Thanksgiving. – Yeah? – Was what my wife brought. And I gotta say, I know that that’s just a southern boy coming to Los Angeles. I specifically remember one of the first potlucks we ever came to when we came out here. This– – It was quite the eye-opening, mouth-shutting experience. – Yeah yeah, it was like all these people brought all these sides and this one girl was like, “I made this, this is Paula Deen’s recipe,” and I’m eating it, I’m like, “Really?” And as I’m eating it, she’s like, “And you know what, “I used half the butter and half the sugar “that Paula called for and it’s still good,” and I’m thinking, Paula knows best, bro. Have you seen the silhouette of that woman? She knows how much butter and sugar you’re supposed to put in things! – Right, right. – And there’s just a different mentality, and you know what, it’s probably a better mentality. It’s probably a mentality that leads to a longer, healthier life, but when you– – Thanksgiving only comes once a year. – But when you decided to throw caution to the wind, I could have– – Unfurl the sails. – I could have butter injected directly into my veins on Thanksgiving. I would do that if that was a thing. – Oh, we could make it a tradition. (chuckling) – And so, dessert time happened and I was like, oh there’s a pumpkin pie. They had labeled everything and it was pumpkin pie: vegan. – Vegan. – I was like, mm. There was like chocolate pie: raw, vegan. – What? – And then it was like, some kinda bites: vegan. – Man, now you know how vegan people normally feel. Right? – And so what I thought was, I was just like, man I just wanna go to Ralphs right now and just get a pumpkin pie from Ralphs. Just get a grocery store pumpkin pie, put some whipped cream on top, and then unbutton my pants and enjoy myself. (chuckles) You know? So that was an adjustment. It was an adjustment that I feel like I can be ready for next year. I think I’m gonna bring my own butter and my own sugar. Just squeeze, squeeze, squee– (chuckles) – IV, bring a IV bag. – A squeegee of butter and a sugar shaker, and I’m just like, don’t mind me. (blows raspberry) Just to kinda get things up to the standard. But– – Just bring stuff and label it, unapologetically unvegan. – Yeah, oh, that sounds like a good brand. – (chuckles) Yeah. – And then the tagline is, make it a tradition. (both laugh) We sell it at Walmart, make millions. – Don’t commercialize my holiday slogan. – I can’t help but commercialize things, man. – I helped a lot of people, man. – But one tradition– – I didn’t make a dime on it. – One traditional thing that happened was, is the host said, “We’re gonna go around “and we’re gonna say what we’re thankful for.” Because it’s Los Angeles, you kinda have to say, “We’re gonna do the cliche thing, “and we’re gonna say what we’re thankful for.” You know, everybody was saying kind of the traditional things, family and friends– – What was your gut, knee-jerk reaction to that announcement? – Well, I’m all– – I can think of three. – What was my gut knee-jerk reaction to– – To the announcement of the assignment that this cliche thing was gonna happen. – Well there’s always a slight increase in heart rate I think for every normal person. Even somebody who– – Don’t speak for people. I’m asking for you. Don’t normalize your response, just tell me what yours was. I’m curious. – Well a slight increase in heart rate. – Okay. – And then– – That’s normal, most people that would– – And then like okay, I gotta say something that sort of mixes humor and heart in the right way. – This is a branding moment. (chuckles) – I don’t exactly remember what I said I was thankful for because there was a second question that I do remember everything that I said, which– – You don’t remember what you were thankful for? – No it was something about new friends and family and then, I made a joke. It went over well, trust me. (chuckles) But then the second thing that happened while we were eating which I found very interesting was there was a guy there that was a life coach. Again, of course. – Was he paid to be there? – No if you get 25 people together in Los Angeles, one of them will be– – Is gonna be a life coach. – A life coach. (Link chuckles) So– – That’s code for something. Right? I don’t know what. – If you don’t have one life coach per 25 people in Los Angeles, the entire city implodes. – It’s funny that the cashier at Sheetz was a life coach. (chuckling) – So– – Did he have a tag, how did you know he was a life coach? – Well– – A hat? – If someone is a life coach or a vegan or into crossfit– – You know it. Yeah, right. – You know what I’m saying. You find out pretty early in the conversation. – Right, right. (Link chuckling) – So, I– – That’s true. – He stands up. – Make a list of those things. – He stands up, and he says, “We’re gonna all answer this question,” and again, I liked it because it was intentional conversation, and there’s 25 people at a table and you’re kinda talking to the people around you but then just kinda putting everybody on the spot, even the kids, both of my kids had to stand up and answer this question. But it was the traditional question of if you had a super power, what would it be, and what would be your first mission? – Oh, I actually haven’t heard what would be your first mission? – First mission was new to me ’cause that’s the kinda thing that a life coach adds to it. You understand? ‘Cause what’s your favorite superpower? That’s just normal folk. What’s your first mission, life coach. Business card, here you go. – But the heart rate goes up even more when that happens. – Yeah I’m like now– – Curve ball. – Now it’s precious time to shine. (both laugh) So I said, and it was, one guy requested, he said, “Instead of going around, “can we just do popcorn style? “Can we just as you know, can you share?” I was like that’s a good idea. – Why’s that a good idea? He wanted to get dibs on invisibility or something. – The inevitability of it coming to you and you’re just thinking about what you’re gonna say. He had a reason, it was good, I thought it was great at the moment. But I had actually had this exact discussion with my wife the week before. Now we’ve talked about what our favorite superpowers would be before we argued about it at some point on the debate-o-rama I think. If you believe in freedom, you believe in flight. Invisibility is to hide yourself from freedom. Like a shameful, naked mole rat. – Don’t be deceived, flight is not heroic. It is self-absorbed show-boating. Look at me, I’m air swimming! – I can’t remember anything we do around here, but I know we’ve talked about superpowers, and I personally– – Invisibility versus invincibility was one of our first videos. – But we did invisibility versus flight and then– – Yeah we did. – I’ve always said that teleportation is the superpower that I would choose because it replicates, technically can replicate invisibility and flight for all practical purposes. – I would, are you asking me now, ’cause I would choose being able to double myself and be invisible so I could creep on myself and not even know it. – Phew, wow, interesting, and disturbing. But I did not say that because that’s the canned answer. I actually said what I talked to my wife about. – This is Thanksgiving, you don’t eat canned ham. – Jessie and I were with each other eating something and I was eating some bad food. – Is this a dream? You lost me. – No this is the week before that gave me the answer to the superpower thing. – Okay. – And I said, “You know what, if I could have a superpower, “it would just be to turn everything that is bad for me “to eat into things that are good for me.” The whole thing would just flip. So it’d be like, fried chicken, processed meats, and not only would it taste good, but it would make me feel the way that good, healthy food would feel and be synthesized by your body. – So, did you tell them this and did that just incriminate you in what you were, the thoughts you were consumed by? – Well so, I was like, I’m gonna go early so I can enjoy everyone’s answer. – Oh, I like that. – So people got up and said a couple of things that were kinda fun, kind of interesting. I was like the third and I said, “Well, I’ve actually been thinking about this “’cause Jessie and I were talking about this last week, “and I said that I would turn everything that’s bad for me “into things that were good for me. “And my first mission would be to start eating.” (both laughing) And– – That’s good. That’s a closer. – Yeah, I set it up, I landed the punchline. – You sat down. – I got some jokes. I sat down, everything’s great. Riding high. Then, somebody turned the tables. Somebody actually stood up and said, “I would have the power to heal, “and I would heal the world.” – Okay. – And I was like uh-oh, this is where this is going? I thought this was fun party conversation. Next thing I know, people are standing up and they are– – Crying? – (chuckles) No no no no. So, our friend, Mike, smartest guy we know, he actually gave a really hilarious yet really like, man, this is a great answer. He stood up and said that he would have the ability to manipulate matter not on the atomic level, therefore not to induce a singularity, but on the molecular level and he would take all the carbon that is loose in the atmosphere and send it to the core of the Earth to take care of the global warming problem and he explained this in a very scientific way that was pretty awesome, and as the things went by, one person said, “I would give the power of empathy. “I would have the power of empathy and I would be able “to give it to people just by having “an interaction with them.” So my answer about just turning fried chicken into something that was good for me– (Link chuckles) Got more and more– – Yeah. – You know. Just sort of shallow, if you will. – Vapid, is that the right word? – As we proceeded, but I really enjoyed the conversation. And then somebody did say, eventually somebody was like, “Screw it,” and they went back into fun. – Okay. – Fun levels of conversation. But I wasn’t with my family. I was with my immediate family, but we’re talking about is extended family when we talk about Thanksgiving. Is Thanksgiving better with family? And my mom is sending me pictures of, first of all, she’s sending me pictures of what the plate of food she has made looks like and I’m like, oh baby. Yes, that’s what I want right now. – Uh-huh. – Proper amounts. – It’s all you can think about, and talk about during– – Butter and sugar. – Structured sharing time. – And, yeah, if I could have one superpower it would be that my mom would be here serving me Thanksgiving dinner. But I– – That may be the answer there. – Well I mean, there’s something that can’t be replicated. There’s a connection that you have with your extended family that can’t be replicated. There’s also a level of, okay, now you’re a little bit tired of each other and you gotta go play cards at the gas station, but then, on the opposite end of the spectrum, there’s like, I’m meeting new people. I’m answering this question that a life coach has come up with and it’s probably making new neurons grow in my brain or something. So I don’t know, I honestly can’t tell you which one is holistically a better experience. – I don’t know, I think what you described sounds like something that, if you would have told me that was February 2nd in LA, maybe you could have been in that type of circle. – Oh but then we did karaoke. – Oh you did karaoke? – The life coach brought in a karaoke machine. – Well isn’t he a ball of yarn? (Rhett laughs) – Is that a saying you just came up with? Because that sounds like a good saying. – It’s a saying that cats say if they’re in this conversation. – [Rhett] Oh. – [Link] You wouldn’t know about that. – Not interested. He brought in a karaoke machine and everyone ended up singing karaoke including my own kids who– – Wow. – Together, sang a Bruno Mars song and I don’t wanna say which one it was because you may question my parental intuition. But– – The problem is you parent via intuition. It’s like, what are you, a palm reader? – First of all, we were there from two o’clock to like 11 o’clock. That’s a long, long freakin’ time. A lot longer than you had at your grandparents’ house. – I probably would have ducked out of that too. – Once the karaoke machine came out though, you felt like you had to stay. – Mm. – You know? Karaoke on Thanksgiving. – I don’t know, I think that… I’m very thankful that, ’cause I’m like, we didn’t go around and say what we’re thankful for. No life coach stood up and gave some sort of assignment, and I’m like, man, maybe that should have been me. Maybe I should have bee the life coach. – Yeah, well, mm-hm. – I regret that a little bit. I mean we had good conversations though, you know, and then there was the good, good, good moment. I mean there were lots of great things. There was a baby being passed around for the first time. There was all types, family coming back together. It was a beautiful thing, like, I wouldn’t change any of it. Again, even the gas station part, which is a highlight. The whole thing, just embracing even the parts that feel stagnant like sitting on a couch with all these people and just watching the dog show on mute. – Which is the only way to watch a dog show. – Is a beautiful thing. So, I don’t know. I think it’s, especially when you live, when you don’t live with them. I’m gonna come down on this. I’m not gonna say they’re both, it could be either. I’m actually gonna come down on this and I’m gonna come down on the side of with a caveat of living away from family that you don’t see, it becomes that much more important and I think it, even if nothing changes or it even feels like it doesn’t meet your expectations, ’cause somehow that’s always still part of it, honestly, going back home for the holidays, there’s just this, man, this is just not what I hoped it would be. ‘Cause you start judging everything and all the conversations, because it’s charged with this is one of the few times that we can all get together. Can’t we just make it very special? The answer is, not much more special than if you live there, but just seeing ’em, by definition it becomes more special, and I’m coming down on that side, that it’s better with family even if it’s miserable, and again, I didn’t describe misery. But I’m saying even if it were that, I think it’s better because it’s an institution. It’s a family institution. – But what if you incorporated, I mean next year, this is gonna be your thing. What if next year, you don’t have to say you’re a life coach but you come with a conversational topic and a karaoke machine. Best of, yeah. I could do that. It’s like last year Christmas– – You know what I sang at karaoke? – We ended up playing that BeanBoozled game, and I had old people eating dirt-flavored jelly beans, it was beautiful. Grass flavored beans. What did you sing? Was it a country song? – Nope. – Was it… – Let me just put it this way. – Was it from the 80s? – Yes, and let me put it this way. – Was it R&B? – The song before it was, somebody sang Whitney Houston’s I Wanna Dance With Somebody, and I leaned over– – That’s my song. I would have done that. – I leaned over to the life coach slash DJ and I said, “I wanna keep the party going. (clicks tongue) “I wanna keep the dance party going.” – 80s. – I wanna keep this vibe going, and something that I can sing. – Something you can sing that’s not– – Something that I’ve sung with you. – But was it a dance song? – The word dance is not in the title, but it is a, yeah, (mutters). You definitely wanna move when you hear it. – Is it a Lionel song? – Yes. – All Night Long? – Yes. – You sang All Night Long? – Yes I did. ♪ Tom bo li te say de boy ya ♪ Man, I– ♪ Hey jumbo jumbo ♪ What you’re supposed to say. Did you get them to sing that? Was everybody like– ♪ Hey jumbo jumbo ♪ – Well the people who knew it. I had the– ♪ Way to party o we goin’ ♪ – I had the words on the iPhone and so no one else could see them, you know what I’m saying? The guy handed me his phone. – Oh. – The karaoke slash life coach had a phone and he was giving it to you so you were looking at the lyrics. So, I couldn’t broadcast, it wasn’t being projected. It wasn’t that level, maybe next year. – So where are you coming down on this question? Maybe I took the safe road in terms of family members, but I think that’s where I’m at. – I feel like if you’re isolating, I think a trip back home is, it encompasses more than just the Thanksgiving experience. ‘Cause you’re hanging with and seeing these people that you don’t see on a regular basis. So I would say that if you take a look at the whole Thanksgiving holiday, I think that ultimately, I’d rather see my family. But I think that if you just give me that isolated, curated, ’cause I feel like I had a curated Thanksgiving experience and again, there was some, too healthy options that I feel like colored that a little bit. But like I said, I think I can just take care of that next year and be like, hey, bring, just get some pumpkin pies from the grocery store. Make a big thing of mac and cheese, bring the sweet potatoes. Just make sure there’s enough high calorie stuff as an option. – So your answer’s still about if the food were just a little better, then it would have been perfect. – You know what, I’ll take it back. – What about empathy and carbon? – Because the food, because the food is such a big part of Thanksgiving for me, I think I gotta be with Mama on Thanksgiving. If I have to make a choice. – You do. – Yeah. – Well we know what we’re doing next year. (Rhett laughs) I’ll see ya at the Sheetz. – Well and the thing is, as long as Locke’s playing basketball, I’m gonna have an LA Thanksgiving. For the next four years. So, Mama gonna have to come out here and make some food for us. ♪ Hey jumbo jumbo ♪ (mimics trumpets) ♪ Oh yeah ♪ ♪ We’re gonna have a good ♪ ♪ Party ♪ You don’t even know the words. – Well I gotta have the phone, you know. I haven’t sung that song enough. I didn’t actually sing it all night long one time. – All right so, let us know about your experience. #EarBiscuits. – Do you love your family? (chuckles) – I love my family. – That’s the question. I do. – And then you ended up watching that Tiger and Phil golf thing. – Yeah, wasted my day doing that. – That was Friday, I was flying back. – I paid for it. Paid $20. – I would have watched that. – I watched it. – That’s a good way to watch golf it seems like. I would have done that. – I think the consensus was it was a bit of a flop is what people thought because they’re both kinda old and at least Phil is considered a little irrelevant now but he beat Tiger so give me a freakin’ break. Samuel L. Jackson was involved. Charles Barkley was there, he’s always a ball of yarn. (chuckling) So anyway, I highly recommend it. I think they should do it again. I’ll watch it again, I’ll waste half of my day sitting there on the couch watching golf. Watching Tiger Woods breathe heavily into his microphone which was on at all times because it was livestreamed. – I heard they had to get a lot of refunds ’cause the livestream didn’t work right or something. – Yeah they ended up making it free halfway through. – But you had already paid. – Bleacher Report, but I had already paid. You know what, you can keep my money, Bleacher Report. You did a bold thing. How did this become about that? (chuckles) – This is just us talking. To watch more Ear Biscuits, click on the playlist on the right. – [Rhett] To watch the previous episode of Ear Biscuits, click on the playlist to the left. – [Link] And don’t forget to click on the circular icon to subscribe. – [Rhett] If you prefer to listen to this podcast, it’s available on all your favorite podcast platforms. Thanks for being your Mythical best. (electronic music)