(upbeat electronic music) – Welcome to Ear Biscuits, I’m Link. – And I’m sick. This week at the round table of dim lighting, you’ll have to be listening to me speak like this and you know what, did I bring my tissues in, I didn’t even bring my frickin’ tissues. – Oh gosh. Can you, can somebody help please get the tissues? – There’s a tissue box in our office which I’ve been carrying around with myself all day. – Be careful with the dogs, you’ll let the dogs out. – Don’t let the dogs out. – This week at the round table of dim lighting, we are going to get Rhett’s tissues and hopefully minimize him talking because the more– – Minimize me talking? – Yeah ’cause the more you talk, the more I can tell you’re sick, and the more you’re spewing stuff into my radius. – No no I have been purposely directing it away from you all day. I’m currently speaking out of the right side of my mouth so it all goes to one side of the room. – Can you face that way? Are you cool with that? – Yeah I’m projecting everything to this side. – But also face that way. – Thank you, Kiko. Look at that, got my tissue box. I’ll sit it up there. – Today we’re gonna update you and each other on the spring break adventures we had. We’re two spring breakers. – Yeah. – We’re not over 40. We still go on spring break with our children. – Right. – So yeah we had a full week off that we have not fully downloaded to each other. I mean it’s, from calendar time it’s the distant past, but in relational time, it’s yesterday. – Yeah it’s been– – It’s yesterday, brother. – A week and a half or so. We do wanna let you know that your boys have been nominated for a couple of Webbys. For your favorite or at least the podcast you’re listening to right now, Ear Biscuits. Yes, we are a Webby nominee in podcasts. Best host which I think is me but… – I think that’s me. – Oh really? – Yeah, it actually said in parentheses, the shorter one. – So you can go to– – The funnier one. – If you wanna vote for me or Link as best host– – No. So we’re– – They don’t have a best host category. – You shouldn’t make us compete against each other. We’re competing against other people. – No, the whole idea is that people compete against, we compete against each other to generate more votes for us collectively ’cause what we’re not telling everybody is that a vote for me is a vote for us and a vote for you is a vote for us. So vote twice. – You can vote because there’s an audience choice and we want you to choose us, vote.webbyawards.com through April 18th, 2019. – But that was just one of the nominations, Link. The other nomination was just best podcast in the comedy category. – Yeah very honored, thank you Webbys for the nomination. Listen, we don’t have much control over the judge’s choices but we can encourage you to vote. – We are part of the academy. – Vote.webbyawards.com. – And we will be voting for ourselves. – Look only for Ear Biscuits, and GMM is also nominated. – Can you do that, can you vote for yourself? – GMM was nominated for variety series, comedy, and… Is that all we got? GMM hosts, we got a honorable mention. – Yeah yeah we’re not good enough– – We didn’t quite make it. – Hosts of GMM to be a nominee but we’re good enough to be an honoree. – And all we do is go on vacations and come back and talk about it. (Rhett laughs) I mean and then you call it comedy. – That’s right. – It’s the new comedy. – Hold on, you know what, that’s a great– – You think it’s better than, that’s not what you call it, Feldman? – Sorry to touch your sleeve. – Don’t touch my sleeve. We’re gonna have to desanitize it. – But you just actually– – Well sanitize it. – You gave me and us– – A quarter? – An idea for what the future of this podcast could be. Let’s just be travel buddies and just talk about our travels. – Yeah, okay. Can we go separate? (Rhett laughs) Because if we go together there’s nothing to talk about. – You’re right, yeah, yeah I see where you’re going with that. – Can we be estranged travel buddies? – We go, we’re not travel buddies, we’re travel correspondents. – You need to raise your mic a little bit. I think Smosh has been using your mic stand and you’re hunching. – You’re not supposed to tell people that Smosh records their podcast in here. – And you’re gonna make ’em sick. – Yeah, that’s my goal, make Smosh sick. – That’s not strategic for us. I’m just gonna be honest. So I went back to London for spring break and we took, I had this idea in January, maybe it was the end of last year. I had this idea because Lily, our oldest daughter, our oldest child, is turning 16. Well she just did, March 31st, she turned 16. And I was thinking, wouldn’t it be cool to just take her on a vacation just us, me, Christy and her, so it’s not a family vacation. This is like a dedicated time to just make it special for her at such a special point in her life. I mean they call it sweet 16. – For a reason. – Well question mark. So I would like to explore at some point how sweet it was. There were a couple of acute sour points which I will get into. – Oh, exciting. – And it’s, I don’t know, I’m still processing. Allow me to process with you so I will give some London recommendations on my second trip there in just a number of weeks. – And I will use those. And I of course went to a different part of the world, closer, I went to Colorado and skied and had some harrowing experiences there. Wouldn’t say I almost died, at least that I– – You had heroin in Vail. – At least not as, I didn’t come as close to death, you know, sometimes you never know how close you got to death, I mean maybe I just missed death, but I embarrassed myself in a big way a couple of times. – Again, we will know when we die and watch the footage back– – Right. – How close you came to death. I don’t know if I’ll be there though. Travel, estranged travel buddies, we’re not gonna die at the same time. – That’s the name of it, Estranged Travel Buddies is the name of the podcast. I do wanna tell you about another travel thing that happened to me just two days ago. So– – Do it. – For those of you who read the Book of Mythicality, or came to the Tour of Mythicality, you know the story that I tell about my wife’s grandmother, Gaga, and her integral sort of very funny role in our relationship of emailing back and forth. – You should tell a truncated version. – Basically she had an email address back in the 90s when I was getting to know Jessie and Jessie did not so I literally emailed her grandmother who would then print out the emails and then send them to Jessie. – Because you were in Slovakia. – ‘Cause I was in a different place. And I tell that story in the Book of Mythicality and on the tour but anyway, Gaga at the age of 94 passed away last week. Well a little more than a week ago. – I was sad to hear that. – And we went home for– – Great woman. – A memorial service. And I already knew that she was an incredible woman. I knew that she was, like I told you, that she was like strangely great, like unusually unusual. She kinda fit the typical older southern lady in a certain number of ways but she also was just, the things that you– – She would say like southern– – She dropped her Rs. – She talked like– – Yeah it was like that old southern belle kinda thing. But like something is up in the ay-ah. You know, she literally talked like that and she was not joking. – Yeah. – This old Raleigh accent. But as we told stories about her, we just, all these things came back– – Was that the ceremony, like a storytelling– – Yeah it was literally, we just– – That’s cool. – All got together at her daughter’s house, my mother-in-law, and we just told stories about her and we all wore white. She was like I don’t want y’all to wear black. I want you to wear white ’cause it’s a celebration. I lived 94 years, and so anyway, it was, there was lots of laughs, lots of funny stories about Gaga, lots of tears at the same time. But anyway I had to make a very quick trip to North Carolina for the weekend. Took the red eye on Friday night. There’s actually an airport in New Bern. – Yeah. – Which is not too far from where your wife grew up. – Down east. – And that’s a lot closer, ’cause we, it was actually at my in-law’s beach house is where we had the ceremony so I was like well, this is a quick trip, I’m gonna fly directly to New Bern and then rent a car and go down to the beach house and I was gonna fly, flew on Friday night. – We filmed all day. – Yeah yeah yeah, so yeah, we were shooting GMM and some other things on Friday and so we went pretty late so I took that red eye which incidentally was one of the red eyes where I was hoping that I was gonna have a little bit more room but I basically just sat in an upright position and tried to sleep which was not fun, it’s not fun for a big man to have to do that. – Tell that to a horse. – Believe it’s one of the reasons that I got sick ’cause I didn’t get a lot of sleep and I was already getting sick, anyway, beautiful ceremony on Saturday and then Sunday we’re gonna go back and of course we have to go to the New Bern airport. Then you take a flight from New Bern to Charlotte, North Carolina– – Like a puddle jumper situation? – I mean it wasn’t, yeah, it was a small, small plane. Bigger than I anticipated but still pretty small. One row of seats and then two rows, one column of seats and then two columns of seats on each side of the plane. And so we get to the New Bern airport which incidentally is like two gates and there are– – Like a strip mall type situation? – It looks like you’re pulling into a retirement home. – Oh. Even better. – That’s what the airport is like. Like literally the rental car drop off is just a parking lot and it’s for all the companies. And then when you go inside, no matter what the rental car company is, you deal with the Alamo person. So there’s a sign on the Enterprise thing that says, we’re out, please talk to Alamo. (chuckles) – Oh wow. – So like, they got one employee handling all the rental cars. There’s rocking chairs in the airport which incidentally there’s rocking chairs in the Charlotte airport. But it’s much more quaint than the New Bern airport which I think is called Coastal Carolina Regional Airport. – Are you sure you weren’t flying out of a Cracker Barrel? – (chuckles) It was as much like a Cracker Barrel as an airport can be. – Okay. I hope to be successful enough to park my private plane at Cracker Barrels. – It’s so small that you don’t just get there and then go through security, you get there and you sit outside and then right before your plane takes off, they’re like okay, everybody go through security. Then you go through security and just basically get on the plane, that’s how small it is. So Locke and I get there, I got there like an hour before the flight which is very late for me typically, you know what I’m saying, I’m at 1.5 to two hours ahead of time but I knew that we didn’t have a lot to deal with. – And you’re still an anxious wreck. – And I get there an hour early and then I realize that the flight has been delayed by 30 minutes which is gonna give us about 30 minutes to make our connection. From the time the doors, we touch down in Charlotte. We got about 30 minutes before they shut the door, so I’m a little anxious. Anything could go wrong here, sitting there waiting, and then the flight gets delayed. Now we get onto the runway and the pilot says, “I, unfortunate news, “we’ve been given a weather delay. “We’re gonna take off in approximately 30 minutes.” – That’s not gonna work. – So basically my entire buffer– – Yeah. – Is gone. So first thing I do– – Could have stayed in that rocking chair. – First thing I do because I have become basically totally dependent on people helping me do things at this point in my life– (Link chuckles) Is I text Jenna, my assistant, our assistant. – Oh gosh. – And I’m like, Jenna. (sighs) Here’s the situation, I actually called her. I called her, I was like, okay, we were supposed to have a buffer, we’re not gonna have a buffer and– – I just need a shoulder to cry on right now. – I need you to– – Through the phone. – I need you to get me on the next flight. I talked to the woman at the gate in New Bern preemptively and she was like well the next flight’s completely full. You could do standby or you could fly out in the morning and I’m just thinking about the fact that I don’t wanna be there, I’m with Locke by the way so Locke and I flew together ’cause Jessie and Shepherd were staying a couple days extra. Locke’s gotta get back to school, I gotta get back to work, we got things happenin’, we got things scheduled, we got meetings, et cetera. – You’re important enough to have an assistant. – And so, she was like okay I’ll get on the phone with the, actually the representative is supposed to call me back in 50 minutes because that’s what, when she called the number, they were like, to get a call back 50 minutes from now, so she did that. And that’s about how long the flight takes so we touch down, mathematically speaking, and I had talked to the pilot. I’d gone up to the two pilots ’cause everybody’s sitting with each other and I start talking with them with like– – Hold on, you were sittin’ with the pilots. – The pilots were sitting waiting to get on the plane. – Oh. – Waiting to get on the plane and I was like hey guys, how confident are you in this getting to Charlotte? And they were like younger than me and so, and they were like, well, you know, it’ll probably be one hour total from closing the doors to opening the doors. Getting off the next plane and they were like, where you gotta get? I was like I got a really tight connection to LAX and they’re like okay we’ll do whatever we can to get there as fast as we, like, I don’t know what kind of control they have. I thought it was all autopilot anyway. – What’d you think, they might say, you know what, we’ll just take you to Los Angeles. – Yeah I was hoping for that. – I’ve seen you on the internet. – We’ll reroute the plane. – I think you’re nominated for a Webby, hey, do you have an assistant? – That was what I was hoping for secretly. – All right we’re going straight to Los Angeles. – I was hoping they would secretly recognize me and make accommodations but that didn’t happen. So anyway, I was freaking out as you might imagine and then we, our flight out of Charlotte was at 5:45. The plane lands, now we’ve been told they close the doors 10 minutes before departure, 5:35, the doors will close. We landed, we touched down on the runway at 5:25. It took seven minutes for them to– – You got three minutes to get there. – But not only that, because the plane is so small, we had to valet our bags so we couldn’t just get off the plane. They had to put the bags with the tags underneath, gate check the bags. – Okay. – So– – How much time did you have when you got your bags? – One minute. – Okay. – We had one minute. We got our bags at 5:34. I’m texting Jenna, she’s like, the woman says that you’re not gonna make it. She’s talked to the gate, they’re not holding. They’re not holding it for you. That’s what Jenna’s saying that the American Airlines woman is saying to her. She’s like I’ve already got you booked on the next flight. – I think they did know who you were. – They’ve already got you booked on the next flight. So first of all, I looked at a map of the Charlotte airport and I was all the way at the end of terminal D or E, I had to go all the way down E and then back up D. – You’re trying to Jason Bourne this thing. – All the way down E and back up D. And I’m looking at the thing, I’m like okay, maybe I can make this. I was thinking maybe I could make this in five minutes when I had one minute, I was already sick. Anyway, Locke and I pick up our carry ons. We’re literally carrying our carry ons and we both have backpacks. We start running, Locke’s a young man. He’s 15, he’s in shape. He kinda gets ahead of me pretty quickly. I’m running as fast as I possibly can without hurting myself through the Charlotte airport. – Wow. – Saying, “Excuse me, “excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me.” Being as polite as possible, still a good southern boy. – I would have just resorted to a beep. Boop, boop, boop! – Then they just think you’re backing up. They think, “Excuse the cart,” when you do that and then they’d get out of the way slowly. – They would have looked for a cart. – Just flying through the airport. Eventually I had to stop and gather myself. – Oh. – I mean it was that crazy. – Let’s take a breather, hands on the knees. – Multiple, so in the end I stopped three times and we get all the way to the gate and I see a bunch of people lined up and I’m like this is potentially really good news? And then the guy sees us run up, this dude is like, they changed it to six o’clock guys, no worries. – Shh, really? – They moved it back 15 minutes so they had already boarded my group so I’m like sweating profusely. I’ve got a hoodie on that I’ve worn and ran in. – Oh gosh. – And anyway, I think that sent me even further into sickness because I just completely exerted myself. That’s the most I’ve worked out in probably a decade, it was just to run across the Charlotte airport and you know what, I could have strolled ’cause I had 15 minutes instead of one. – I would have said, you know what, I’d rather not worry about this and I wouldn’t have done, I mean I’m not rubbing it in I’m just telling you, I would have not done anything. I would have been like well, I’ll get there when I get there. But ironically I would have gotten there the same time as you. – And nine times out of 10, you would have missed the flight. – Oh that’s your opinion. – And I would have missed the flight. If they hadn’t moved the flight– – If I was there we would– – I would have missed it. – Have gotten in a huge fight. I would have just, I probably wouldn’t have ran. – I would have gotten on the plane without you. – Yeah I probably wouldn’t have ran. I probably would have ran but I would have been very angry about it and then I would have been proven right when we got there. – What did Locke say, was he mad? – No, he was excited, it was an adventure. – Well he’s not 41. He didn’t almost pull something or die. – Kiko, could you grab that trash can so I don’t have to throw my snot-laden tissues onto the floor? – And then Jenna did all this work for nothing. Now Kiko’s doing this, look at you, man. Look at you, man. (Rhett sighs) – Anyway– – Can’t get your own Kleenex, can’t get your own trash can. – If you need the directions from gate E38 to gate D10 at Charlotte just hit me up on Twitter. That’s @rhettmc. – I bet you smelled horrible. – No I smelled good. – You actually didn’t. – My sweat tends to generate good odors. – Oh gosh, listen at you man. Listen atcha. – Listen at you. – I’m gonna share my experience and then hear about yours. But first, we gotta promote some stuff, some merch. Mythical.store, it’s where you can get all types of stuff. Big and small. Here’s a small thing. A popsocket that says, it’s got the Mythical logo on it. – I got a popsocket– – That’s our company. – That has the Good Mythical Morning logo on it. – So if you want a little something like a mid-year stocking stuffer, like get the jump on stuffing that socking. At Mythical.store. You’ll forget that it was in there. You’re like wow, I’ve already, fill it up. – Listen to that satisfying sound that a popsocket makes. – Fill it halfway up. (popsocket pops) We got stickers, we got all types of stuff, rep ya boys. That’s okay, we didn’t need that anymore. – Sorry. – (sighs) Anything else you wanna promote? We got a store on Amazon too, you can check that out. It’s got different types of t-shirts, psh. All types of stuff happenin’, yeah. Okay. I think our spring break vacations were like polar opposite because I did something that I’m not used to doing and then this will play out, me not being used to this over the course of the specifics of my story but we didn’t go on what I call a vacation, we went on a sight-seeing trip of London. Lily had the choice, she wanted to go to London. I think predominantly because she’s a Harry Potter fan. And then, I just think she’s a fan of like British programming. I mean she went through a Doctor Who phase and the Sherlock Benedict Cumberbatch type situation. So I can’t fault her for liking that British comedic sensibility and storytelling panache. So I was like, you know, I missed the whole Harry Potter boat but maybe there isn’t a boat, I don’t know. – There’s probably a boat in one of the stories. – They don’t have any boats in Harry Potter I don’t think. They got broomsticks. – You gotta have a boat for something. – Just broomsticks. And a train, trains and sticks, not boats. – Oh. – But I’m like, you know what, this is for you. Okay, we knew she was gonna choose London. I basically booked the trip, got the Airbnb in Lisson Grove which is an area of London, it’s pretty centrally-located, close to the Tube. – Like Listen Grove? – L-I-S-S-O-N. And you know so a nice little Airbnb, a little bed for her and then another bedroom for me and Christy. Full kitchen, all this type of vibe. So we got our own space. But it was much more a sight-seeing trip than a vacation, ’cause there’s no relaxing. It’s like what are we gonna do next and what are we gonna see next? We had booked going to the Warner Bros. Studio Tour where they filmed all the Harry Potter movies and they have all the actual props and costuming and detailed set pieces and all types of things from all of the movies. So we booked that ahead of time. On another day we also booked tickets to the stage play from the world of Harry Potter called Cursed Child. Which I remember a couple of years back, she bought the, we bought her the script. I was like okay is this another Harry Potter book? No it’s just the script. So we got our hands on tickets for that. There’s a two hour show and then there’s a break, I mean there’s intermission in the middle of that and then you come back later and there’s two, basically two more hours so it’s two different plays. – That’s a lot of play. – But it’s one story so you gotta kinda go all in. – It was about like two hours too much play for me. – I was nervous. – Maybe 2.5 hours too much. – I mean I may come back to it but I will say that having done everything that I could list out that we did, it was a highlight. I really enjoyed it, it’s one of my favorite days was when we did that. We saw the first play, first two hours, and then we took a break, walked around and we went to Dishoom. Our favorite place when we went to London. – Very good. – I went to a different one and it was just as amazing. I am actually calling it my favorite restaurant now. – You’re calling it your favorite restaurant. – Yeah I mean it’s– – Better than Slug and Lettuce? – Yeah. And then we went back– – Whoa. – For the other part of it and it was really well done, it wasn’t a musical. Which, I think side stepped a bunch of potential pot holes so to speak. – There’s that much time, oh intermission such that you can eat a dinner? – No. There was intermission in the middle of the two hour play and then there were like, you go out for two and a half, three hours, then you come back and watch another two hour play. – Right so it’s a long break. – Yeah, the intermission was just a 15 minute bathroom break in the middle of each play. – Got it. – Two part story. – Yeah so that, I mean, day three was our studio tour. Day four was Cursed Child, so day one, just to kinda rattle off the things we did, we took the Tube to Westminster Abbey but it was a Sunday so we couldn’t get inside, I didn’t realize that so I’m like ooh, that’s my bad. It started hailing. It was cold. Like literally, it was the only day that I saw sun the whole time I was there. I was like that is a scarce commodity in London. The solar thing, solar ball in the sky. – Solar ball in the sky. – The only day I saw it, it was also hailing on me. So I had to adjust my plan instead of like going to Piccadilly Circus and, we missed the changing of the guard, got hailed on. I’m like man, this is not a good start on a first full day. And then I was like it’s too cold. I was like we gotta go into the British Museum. Saw the Rosetta Stone, which, that’s pretty awesome. I didn’t realize that according to what I read there, at least, maybe they’re puffing themselves up too much but if it wasn’t for the Rosetta Stone, we would not know how to translate Egyptian hieroglyphics. Period. – We also wouldn’t have those great infomercials late at night about– – Which is why they exist right? – The software. – There’s three different languages on there and then each language says that hey, this is written in two other languages, it says this is the same thing written in three different languages, so whichever language you read, you know that. And that’s how they deciphered hieroglyphics. I also saw one of the Easter Island dudes. They just got sitting in there. – The British– – That was pretty cool. – The British have had a tendency to just go places and steal things and then bring ’em back to their museums. – There’s nothing British in the British Museum. (Rhett laughs) I mean there’s like hunks of the Parthenon. It was awesome, but yeah you do get this weird feeling and like, I heard people joking about it, about how nothing there is British and I guess I mean, I stole that joke which wasn’t that great. (both chuckle) – I got this joke from the people at the museum. – Nothing there in the British museum is British. We were there for like an hour and then, we ended up going, we went on the London Eye, the big Ferris wheel. Christy didn’t do that. You’re developing a flavor profile of my wife. She doesn’t like to fly but she did it. She conquered her fear, it was a long flight. She conquers her fear every single time she flies, so big ups to Christy. But she did not elect to go on the London Eye. And I wasn’t gonna, you choose your battles and that wasn’t it. Christy and I, Lily and I did that. – Well when you talk about these things, you need to tell me, you need to give me the, I recommend that or I don’t recommend that because I mean I’m gonna be in London in August and you know. – I recommend the British Museum. I wouldn’t do the top 10 audio tour because they kinda send you around to every part of the museum and that’s what we did. It was very cool so we kinda got a whirlwind tour but I would recommend that you look at the types of things that you’re interested in and just choose one or two and go there. Instead of trying to do the top 10 because there were things that I weren’t quite as interested in even though just for the sake of them wanting to take me around the whole museum. If you want a good place to eat in Shoreditch, we ended up that first night at a place called Gloria which had amazing pizza. Like really good pizza, really good vibe. I think there’s one in Paris and then they just opened this one in London and– – Do you meet Gloria? – No but they had records playing and the ceiling was mirrored. It was really cool, the downstairs was awesome. – Is the London Eye worth it or is it– – I don’t think so. – It doesn’t feel worth it to me– – I went at night, it didn’t feel worth it. I don’t think it’s worth it. – I could imagine. – Yeah. – I could imagine what it feels like, what it looks like. – It’s very slow, it’s not, ah, you know. – It’s not the Zipper. – It’s missable. – It’s not the Ring of Fire. – And then on day two, we get up I’m like all right, we got our Oyster card from the Tube, I’m like we gotta get back on the Tube. I think what Christy didn’t tell me was that part of the fear of flying is the confined space type situation so she wasn’t really in love with the Tube either. I’m definitely not criticizing her because I mean, there’s some actual anxiety going on in there, it’s something that like, I don’t experience so it’s hard for me to empathize but I’m definitely not gonna fall for the trap of making fun of it. (chuckles) – Okay, then I will. (chuckles) – But so I’m like all right let’s get back on the Tube. We’re gonna go to the Tower of London. We got the Harry Potter stuff, just hold out, we’ll get there tomorrow, let’s just get this, let’s get this tourist stuff out of the way that everybody does. And I’m kinda stressin’ out ’cause I’m like, it’s taking me to different stops and Google maps are really good at showing you which one to get on but like, then the train, it says it’s about to pull up and it says something a little bit different, and I’m like, I think this is it, let’s get on and then you get on and then you’re like, I’m starting to panic. And I’m like this is not the right one. And I’m like it’s not the right one and stop it at the first stop and I’m like– – Get off! – We gotta get off. We gotta get off and we were still like above ground at another platform. – Uh-oh. – And I’m like this is, I looked at the map where we were then, I was like, yeah, we went the wrong direction. And now it’s saying we gotta go and we can’t just get on another train here and I’m like in full panic mode. Like– (Rhett laughs) I actually was like falling apart and I didn’t realize it. I was panicking and I’m like, we gotta get, ’cause getting on a train and then making a split decision to get off and make sure that all members of your family are there. Boy I’m glad I didn’t have the boys with me. I guarantee you at least one of ’em would still be on that Tube right now. (chuckles) So we’re on the platform– – It’d be a good experience. – And Christy’s like, I think, I’m like listen, we gotta, you gotta get on this, we gotta go down here, we gotta go on this platform, we gotta get on another train and we’ll go in a totally different direction now because we’re gonna be late and she’s like, why don’t we just go up these stairs and we could just Uber. And I’m like no! We can’t Uber! I’ve got this card! I’ve invested in an Oyster card! I’m like, I’m not yelling at Christy, I’m yelling at London. – Okay, yep. – Okay? I’m yelling at myself I think is what was happening. I was just freaking out and I was like, no we have to, we can do this. And like I can do this, I can, I can, I can navigate. I can get us there and it– – What was your daughter doing at this point? – And she was like, she was trying to be helpful. She was looking on her phone and trying to figure out which train to get on because apparently, this is very important to me. And I said, “We can’t take an Uber.” I am just, and I’m looking at the phone and I’m trying to figure it out and she’s suggesting an alternate plan and I’m like, I’m gonna throw this phone onto the tracks. And I like, at that point I locked eyes with Christy and I could tell that like, she could see that something was– – Snapping. – Snapping inside of me and it was just like, then she was like quiet. I looked at Lily and she looked in my eyes and she was like quiet and I was like, let’s get an Uber. (Rhett laughs) But it was interesting how, and then we get to the Tower of London, I’m thinking like, man, I’m trying to explain myself and like listen, it said it was gonna be a 20 minute subway ride or, they don’t use the word subway. – Oh that’s your problem. – 30 minute– – Calling it the wrong thing. – Uber. And it was, we’d already bought these and the price and all this stuff and it’s like all this stuff that doesn’t matter, I was just trying to make myself, I was trying to explain myself and try to restore what I felt like was the hope that was lost in my girl’s eyes that I could lead us to the Tower of London, the place where queens were beheaded or whatever. – Did you, I doubt that, did you– – Oh they beheaded grandmas. I took the tour, brother. They beheaded– – Queens though? – A king and a king’s mom. – But did you make it on time, did you miss your tour? – Well a tour leaves every 30 minutes. – Okay. – So again it’s like– – It was okay. – I was freaking out over nothing but it was like, it was a bad Uber ride there, I will say that. It was like– – This is day two. – Yeah, morning of day two. – Yeah can’t have this kind of, you can’t fall apart on day two. – We get out of the Uber and Christy’s like we’re just gonna go get a coffee. I’m like well I’m gonna go get the tickets and then I’m like, I had some space and I, you know, I just needed a couple of minutes to realize that I was being a jackass. – Well you know falling apart on day two, actually, there is a different way to see that. Get it out of the way, as long as you don’t fall out, you don’t freak out again. – We did the tour, the tour was fun. We saw the Crown Jewels in a rack. – I always thought that those were testicles. – Yeah. – They’re not. – What do you think the rack is? – I thought those were breasts. (Link chuckles) (Rhett chuckles) – Crown Jewels are you know, for– – It’s not the king’s nuts. – It’s king’s jewels. It’s literally jewels, Rhett. It’s not a euphemism for anything, you dirty. – No, I just. Yeah, oh that’s the family jewels. The family jewels. – Yeah the Crown Jewels go in the crown. – Yeah. – And there’s all these different crowns and scepters and I kinda, I wasn’t that into it, but you get on a– – You don’t like gems? – I don’t like gems. I don’t like crowns, I don’t like scepters. – Whoa. – And there’s a bunch of ’em and you get on a moving platform and walk past– – I gotta take your birthday present back. – Stand– (Rhett chuckles) You stand and you’re escalated down past ’em, but then you go to where they would torture people and they had a rack in there and I’m like, this was down in the castle barracks part. I’m like man, this is visceral, this is where it’s at. There was one where they would, picture if you get down on your knees so your shins are on the ground and then you put your belly on top of your thighs and you fold your whole self over like you’re in the fetal position but on your shins. – Sounds awesome. – And then they put a rack over top of you that fits over the top of your back and it comes together like this and that part starts wrenching down and they just start wrenching you down, like scrunching you down on yourself. So it’s the opposite of a rack which like pulls you apart, pulls all your joints apart. And they did this to people, both of these. – (sighs) I’ve been to the Torture Museum in Prague. – Oh gosh, I mean I saw two apparati. – I saw many. – I’m not into that, man. I mean I was into two but I couldn’t be into three. – I like seeing the lengths that humans depravity can get to. Not because I’m interested in it for myself but because it’s just to remind yourself of how screwed up people are. – Well if you would have seen me on that platform saying, “I’m gonna throw my phone onto the tracks!” Like when we got back into the car after the tour of London, which we had a good time, the Beefeaters take you on the tour and they’re very boisterous and they’re funny. And so I was like okay this could be behind us. The rest of our day could be, you know. We got into another Uber and it was hard to get into, we weren’t going back on the Tube. And then we were Ubering to Camden Market and we couldn’t meet up with the Uber and like, I’m starting to wig out again. And I realize that I had all these expectations that we were gonna see all these things and everything was gonna go perfectly and everything was gonna go smoothly and it was up to me. Like Christy and Lily, they never put that on me. I put that on myself but I’m just, I have this perfectionistic way of thinking that was very self-destructive in that moment. And so when we were back in the Uber, I still couldn’t, it was like I was back in that place again after the tour and it was quiet and Christy, she broke the ice and I was like, I was trying to explain myself again and I was just like, I thought I was gonna have a second breakdown. It was just like, but this time because I realized that I was carrying all this unnecessary weight of a perfect, successful trip being on my shoulders that no one placed there except myself. So once I got over that, Camden Market was awesome ’cause there was some really good food. You would love it there, you should go there. There’s like a bunch of different food trucks and like all different combinations of foods but that was my first moment of introspection. I think it’s good to have a couple which I did have a second one which I’ll tell you about after hearing a little about Colorado but I made it through that. – Well I embarrassed myself as well. – Oh good. – I’m gonna tell ya a story that will, you’ll see the purpose in it, it’s a little back story. – Okay. – So as I established weeks ago, I took the very douche baggish step of getting custom ski boots made for myself. – You told us all about those boots. – And I have an unusually shaped foot. It’s narrow, it’s long, it’s a high arch. Ski boots that you just get at the real place, they just, they can’t handle my feet. – Your arch is so high it looks like it was put in one of those torture devices. – Yeah, it might have been, I don’t know. – Which I think women call a high heel. – I don’t remember my early childhood. – Like your foot bent over on itself. – So I had these boots made and then when I went to Mammoth, the trip that I talked about before, I actually ended up with quite a bit of pain in my heels, like the sides of my heels in specifically the right foot was very painful. The outside of the right foot. – Okay. – So I go back to the place in Studio City. SkiNet Sports. I didn’t know the name last time but shout out to Claude. SkiNet Sports, he’ll hook you up. – But will he? – Yeah, well yeah because here’s what he does. You can never guarantee if a boot’s gonna have a perfect fit until you go out and play around in it, you know. Ski in it as they say. (chuckles) And I go back and I show him on my feet where it’s hurting and then he takes this makeup, he takes my socks, he says, “Take your socks off,” he doesn’t do that for you and then he puts makeup on your feet and you put them back in the boots and then he has you push your foot back into the back of the boot and then it’s basically, you’ve pointed to where it hurts, he’s put makeup on there, and then it shows inside the boot exactly where that spot is hurting and it turns out you’ve got a little, he showed me like a diagram of a skeleton of the bones of the foot. And there’s this little bone on the outside of your heel that juts out, for a lot of people, hat can be painful, and so he goes, takes the boot. I thought he was gonna melt the boot, like move it around but he actually just took a little sander thing and went in and ground down– – Like a Dremel? – Yeah, he ground it down. – I could have done that. – And created a pocket for that bone on both feet. – This is great. – So I’m like so ready– – You’re set now. – So ready to ski. As I’m leaving, I’m like, it’s supposed to rain in Vail. He said, “Well, you know what that means.” I was like what, he said, “It won’t.” (chuckles) Because he was like, the weather forecast always changes right before you get there. He said, “But just in case, take a couple of these,” and he gives me this little, it’s like a ring that looks like a little flipper, like a foot flipper but he said it’s a little windshield wiper for if it rains to wipe the rain off of your goggles. – You got a finger– – Yeah. – Windshield wiper? – He’s like one for you and one for the lady. And I was like well, I didn’t tell him my wife wasn’t gonna ski but I was like I’ll take both of them, whatever. Okay so, so Jessie was not gonna ski. Jessie was like, I’m gonna read, I’m gonna go around and hang out in coffee shops, I’m gonna eat, whatever, I’m gonna have a great time. – Okay. – But me and Locke and Shepherd were going to ski the whole time. Like we’re there for seven days, we were gonna ski for six. We’re gonna have one day off. (sniffles) First day, it had snowed a bunch the week before. But it was perfectly sunny, Claude was right. The forecast changed. No rain in the forecast except for the last day. Basically a week of sun. – Okay. – You haven’t skied in Colorado at all, right? – Never. – You’ve done Park City which is an incredible resort so you’ve kind of experienced that but it was also, there was a blizzard when we skied. To ski in Colorado on a, one of the best years they’ve ever had in Vail that’s like a 400 inch base and it’s sunny. (wind blowing) Moving away from me. Apparently he’s not in the mood for a closeup. Missed opportunity, buddy. It was absolutely incredible, I mean there were moment where I was just like, I don’t do like the crazy double black diamonds or anything. I’m like a blue man, the Blue Man Group, and I just kinda take it easy. – You like making things into a percussion– – Yeah and I just kinda keep it easy, I just carve, I like to get not too fast ’cause I don’t wanna hurt myself. – Yeah. – Just having a great time. – This is not an airport. – And I’m having so much fun and it’s so expansive. But about an hour and a half into skiing– – My heel starts to hurt. – I’m like, man. – Claude. – I had a feeling that Claude had not quite gotten it– – Jean-Claude Van– – (chuckles) Not quite Dremeled out enough of that. He could have made a bigger hole for my big ol’ bone. (chuckles) – Okay. – But he didn’t and so I’m hurtin’ a little bit but you know what I’m like, you know what, you know maybe you gotta break ’em in a little bit, maybe that’s what you gotta do. Maybe you gotta break the boots in a little bit once they get adjusted. Well lunch rolls around and we decide to meet Jessie at a restaurant ’cause first of all, highly recommend Vail. I’ll tell you the only reason I don’t recommend Vail and I’ll get into a story later that illustrates this, it’s too expensive. It’s just, they have you trapped there. They charge you too much for everything but it’s beautiful. – Mm-hmm. – And the village, basically you ski right down to the village and you just put your skis up and then you just walk to a restaurant, meet your wife who doesn’t have skis on. – You can walk in your skis boots? – Well I can. – ‘Cause they’re custom. – No anybody can walk in their ski boots. I mean it’s awkward but yeah, yeah. But Claude told me, he said, “You keep these strapped down “the whole day.” You don’t have to, with rental boots, a lot of times you have to let ’em loose while you walk around. He said, “These should fit so tight and so perfectly, “You just keep ’em down the whole day.” So I’m trying to do that, you know, I wanna be a purist. I wanna do what the guy tells me to do. And as I walk into the restaurant, I’m like my foot is hurting, my heel is hurting me maybe, maybe dare I say worse than it did the first time, before he made the adjustments. – Okay. – And I sit down, we have lunch at this restaurant. I have to take my boot off ’cause it’s hurting so bad. – Mm. – Take it off. – Now is that admitting defeat? Did you feel like less of a man? – At that point I was like– – This is your version of taking the Uber. – At this point I was like I’m gonna have to call Claude, I’m gonna have to tell him he didn’t get it right. I’m gonna have to rent boots for the rest of the week, nullifying my whole purchase. – You were gonna call him and say screw you? – No I was gonna call him and say, “Dude, “I gotta get these adjusted when I get back “’cause it didn’t work.” – Okay. – But I put it back on and said I’m gonna ski the rest of the afternoon. I get back out there, I also– – You took it off, you didn’t see anything wrong with it? I thought you were gonna say he left a Dremel in there. – No. I take it off, nothing. I mean I take it off and my foot instantly feels better. I put it back in there I’m like okay, this is good, I’ll get it tight. Maybe it just needs to be tighter. ‘Cause he told me it’s gotta be tight, you gotta get that thing tight in there. ‘Cause they got it perfect, so I get it super tight. I ski a little bit more, I’m having the time of my life. Let me just tell you, I took a little pain reliever just to preemptively deal with the pain. – Yeah, yeah. – But we get down, we gotta ski across the mountain to get back to where we were staying. The slopes close pretty early there, around four o’clock. And so we were gonna come about 3:30 and come into the, you literally, talk about being a douche, I mean you ski directly down the hill and you ski to the valet guy for your hotel and you just give him your ski and you walk in, he has hot chocolate, and then you walk into your hotel. – Is that right? – It’s all right there. It’s unbelievable, it’s the douchiest thing you could possibly imagine. And there’s douches everywhere. – Everywhere. – Everywhere. Everywhere you look, a douche. – It’s like lookin’ in a mirror. (chuckles) – I mean people who ski in Vail, this is as douchey as it gets, man, as far as I’ve ever been around. – Yeah yeah, you were lovin’ it. – And so– – I can do it. (Rhett laughs) – We’re skiing back to, it’s a big mountain so we’ve got a lot of skiing to do and I get to a place where I’m like my foot is hurting me so bad, but I can’t show, I can’t feel how much pain I’m in to my boys. I gotta be the dad, I gotta hold this in. – Yeah. – But there was a couple of times where we stopped, where I would have to stop and wait oh Shepherd ’cause he was still kinda gettin’ his legs and I would stop and the pain would just shoot from my heel all the way up my leg and I would go (groans). It would be a moment of (groans), like crying out like that and then I started– – Your eyes cross? – Then I started thinking I may start crying I’m in so much pain. I hadn’t cried from pain since I was a child. (Link chuckles) – Really? – But my eyes were watering, it was like oh gah! And then Locke was like, Dad, do we need to get help? And I’m like, no son. Your dad’s gonna make it to the bottom of the mountain. – Your dad is a super douche. His super tight-fitted custom boots which don’t amount to amount of crap. – Your dad will not be out-douched by any of the other douches around here. Your dad is the douchiest dad. (chuckles) – He’s gonna cry but he’s gonna keep skiing all the way to his valet and get that, he’s gonna grab that hot chocolate– – With tears in his eyes. – With his tears in his eyes. (Rhett coughs) – So– – He’s gonna retrieve his testicles kept down at the base of the mountain. – I make it to the bottom of the mountain and I’m in intense pain, I get my hot chocolate which makes me feel a little bit better. I walk back to my room. My wife is still out and about doing whatever she wants. I take off my boot. And that, Link, is when– – The end of your story. – I did not know why I didn’t realize it before. But the little windshield wiper that he had given me was in the bottom of my boot. – No way! – And I have– – Even when I said like– – No. – I thought that you were looking for something at the restaurant. – This was in the bottom of my boot. – Oh my gosh. – And let me show you what my foot looked like. – Oh! (Rhett laughs) What? – It was, okay– – You paid so much money for custom-fitted boots and then you put a plastic windshield wiper directly under your heel. – Now you may think to yourself– – How stupid. – How could you not feel that there was something under it? – Yeah. – And something about the shape of this, the fact that it was perfectly situated in the bottom of my heel, the fact that it has absolutely no edge on one side and then it is a perfect circle and the fact that I had experienced almost the exact same type of pain before, all these factors led me to never consider that maybe the frickin’ Skigee they call it, that’s funny, squeegee, Skigee. Is the thing that was sending so much pain into my body. – And it’s weird how it was literally sending it directly up your heel. – It was crazy. – Like that’s like an acupuncture type situation, like– – And the fact that I made the decision early on to be like, you know what, it needs to be tighter. (chuckles) That was when the pain– – You ratcheted it down. – Let me tell ya, the rest of the trip, when I didn’t have that thing in my boot, Claude. Shout-out to you, brother. You made my feet feel incredible. I mean you shouldn’t have given me that Skigee ’cause I put it in my boot, that was my fault, but the repairs you made to my boots were on point. I don’t need any adjustments. I’m so happy. It’s the douchiest boots I’ve ever had. This is one happy douche. – And so that was day one. – That was day one. I’m glad I got that out of the way. – Oh what if you’d realized it at the end of the trip? That’d have been horrible. – Well it would have been difficult to do because I did look in my boot. I didn’t look at it in the restaurant ’cause I didn’t want to even wanna draw attention to the fact that I was taking my boot off. – You were too concerned about your rep. You didn’t want all the other douches to know that you– – Nobody else in the restaurant had their boots on at all. Nobody was even, well. – Oh really? – Anyway. Skiing ended up being an incredible part of the trip. I did yell at my children a little bit just to kinda join the club. – It’s interesting that, I mean, you’re the one who likes variety and doesn’t like to go back and do the same thing. I thought you’re like man, this skiing thing’s getting old. I wanna experience something different. Are you doubling down on the skiing now? – No, at the end of the trip, my conclusion, and I like to have a feeling and to sort of distill a feeling at the end of the trip, and then kinda like remember that because you’ll forget about it. It’s just like when you have a child. After you have a child you’re like I’m never doing that again and then it wears off and you have more kids. – Yeah you didn’t distill it enough. – You gotta distill it. Distilled at the end of the vacation, I was like, that was super fun but a couple things. I feel like I narrowly avoided getting seriously hurt. Like just statistically speaking, there was so much skiing involved for me and my two sons that the fact that none of us got hurt, I kinda feel like we got lucky ’cause there was people getting on our plane in wheelchairs and they had been recently injured. – Wow. – During their time in Vail. And also yeah, you do kinda feel like I’ve kinda been down this trail. And because I’m not some super risk-taker, I don’t like to jump off of cliffs, my skiing experience sort of maxes out with a certain thing and so, and also Jessie didn’t do it with us and so I kinda felt like I wasn’t spending that much time with her so I thought, you know what– – So you’re saying this phase is coming to an end? – No no no, no I think that the weekend ski trip, the two day, the three day ski trip, but a full week of skiing in one place. We’re not gonna do it next year, we’re gonna do something else, and then we’ll decide as a family if we wanna go back and do it again. Had an incredible time and the kids, one of the things about doing that much skiing back to back is like, the learning curve. The kids are so much better. Shepherd can keep up with us perfectly now because he just did so much skiing. – Well you know I agree that you should distill down your trip. I think for me as it relates to the trip, you know, I had all the expectations of what the perfect trip would look like from an itinerary standpoint. On the fifth day we went to Stonehenge and Bath. And then just to give you a complete view of what my trip was, I do recommend going to Stonehenge. I know you’re into, it’s not wood, but you’re also into rocks– – Yeah stones. – You’re into like 5,000 year old rock configurations. Very cool. Bath was okay. (piano music) Tastes like bad pipes. Was cool to walk around but I really loved Stonehenge. But as far as distilling it down, I also think I had a lot of expectations, I got really excited the months back when I said this is gonna be like sweet 16, Lily trip. I don’t know what I pictured specifically but I will be honest, and this is not a criticism of Lily in any way, I think it’s more of just my internal dialogue that I don’t know, I felt like there was gonna be some magical, sweet 16 moment that I found myself questioning. Should I have done something more ceremonial? Like when we went to Bath and Bath is the only naturally occurring hot springs in the U.K. in that one town and they built a whole, you know, town around it. People come forever and just drink from the springs and they started bathing in it. I was like maybe I should do some sort of sweet 16 ceremony here– – I’m sure that would go over well. – Yeah it’s like, that was not my instinct at the time but then when it was done, we were coming back, I was like, could it have been even more special? I think I was thinking, I don’t know, that there would all of a sudden, the structure or the tone of our entire relationship would shift. I ultimately chalked it up to me having these nebulous but huge and unrooted expectations of some magical event happening where oh look, my daughter is a woman now and I guess that’s not the right way to say it. (chuckles) But like, that we’d have this special moment, like remember that one moment when she turned to me and her mom and said, “You know what, “you’re the greatest parents on Earth and I am so, “I just feel like I’m having the most special moment “of my life right now and I’m glad that I’m sharing it “with you and not with some two-bit boyfriend “who wants to take me to some knock-off prom situation.” – Knock-off prom? – I don’t know I’m just– – What is that? – There is no two-bit boyfriend and there’s no knock-off prom, I’m just saying like, you know as your kids get older, at least for me, I want to know that I have a vibrant and special relationship as it evolves, because make no mistake, it is evolving. She’s becoming an adult. So it’s not a parent-child relationship exclusively, now it’s like a, there’s a friend component, there’s starting to have conversations that you would have with any other adult and seeing her rise to that occasion conversationally and say oh yeah, I’m seeing my daughter differently, as a more mature person who’s becoming her own complete adult, you know? That’s really starting to happen at this point in an emotional, relational level. But I apparently had some sort of expectation that there would be a magical moment. – That only happens in the movies, man. That happens on television. That doesn’t happen in real life. – And to your point, if you tried to ceremonialize it, it could go very sideways. It could be very awkward, you can’t, so I kinda swung the pendulum upon further reflection that if I would have tried to create some sort of ceremonial moment like manufacture it or engineer it, that the chances of that backfiring into awkwardness and just seeming forced, there’s a high likelihood of that. So I think my takeaway in having been awhile since the trip is just an appreciation that we did the trip. I think as more time passes, it will actually grow to be even more special. That’s my theory at least, that you take the while time as a whole and it’s not, the picture that we took in front of Westminster Abbey when it started hailing on us, maybe that’ll be a great memory too. I think it will be, but it’s coming back after going to the Harry Potter tour all day and riding in some huge frickin’ torturous bus for over an hour to get to this place and to come back and then just crashing at our room and saying you know what, let’s just watch something, and she’s like, let’s watch The Umbrella, let’s see, what’s it called? Umbrella Academy. It’s a series on Netflix that she’s into. She’s like I’ve already watched it but I wanna watch it with you guys. So it’s like all three of us piling into our bed and watching a Netflix series together. And I think those are the things that I’m gonna remember, it’s like, we hung out like friends and it was special and even, they may remember me having the breakdown. And I think we’ll be able to laugh about those type of things but I think it’s– – It’s an investment, man. – It’s an investment in setting an environment where we can have an experience together so that the weird, the frustrating, the tired, and the special all kinda meld together and create something that I believe is unforgettable but doesn’t translate into something you can just buy in a souvenir shop and remember in that way. – It’s not like something, it’s like investing into your retirement fund and then going back the next day and looking at it and being like oh, oh. When is this gonna grow? – I think that’s right. – Because I mean– – And I also think from her perspective, it’s not like, I expected her to articulate things that– – Kids don’t do that. – As a 16 year old, she has no point of reference. I didn’t wanna go into this lecture moment, like not every 16 year old gets to go anywhere they want in the world and you get to go to London and don’t forget what we’ve done for you. It’s like I actually was tempted to go into that a few times but– – Well you should do that from time to time just to be a good dad. – Not that she wasn’t grateful or appreciative because she was but– – You just have to hope that when the kids write the tell-all book– – Uh-huh. – That the good outweighs the bad, man. And the best you can hope for is that you’re gonna get like a card. Okay, realistically, you’re gonna get a card when they’re 33. – Okay. – And they’ve got some life experience and they’re like, they write you a really sweet card and they’re like, I remember that trip and I really thought about how you cared about us and the time that you put into our relationship, but unless you’ve got an exceptionally exceptional, unusual, expressive child, they’re not gonna be like, I wanna let you know that this vacation is going incredibly well and I recognize– – Right. – That you guys have actually thought about this in a way that, I realize this is just for me. You guys made a decision to leave the other kids at home, to just bring me here to do the things that I wanted to do, to create a memory for me. You guys are the best parents in the world. – Yeah that’s what I wanted and that would be weird, wouldn’t it? – You don’t want that because then it’s about you. – Mm. Isn’t that true. – It’s not about you, it’s about the investment that you’re making in your daughter and your family– – That’s right. – And then you gotta hope that not only is it, first of all, you don’t do it just for the card or for the tell-all book to be good versus bad, you’re doing it because you actually think it’s contributing to her as a person. – And how can she know? How could she even process? At my age, I can barely process the way that my experiences are impacting who I am. – Yeah you take me for granted all the time. – Yeah. (chuckles) – No I mean I deal with the same things with my kids. No, I do on a regular basis and also think that, generalization here but, dealing with two boys is a little bit different. (sighs) They are constantly fighting and constantly annoying each other and we had to, there were multiple times where I’m just like– (grunting angrily) Going to that kinda Dad mode, you know. And then I have to pull myself back. But you talk about you guys getting together. One of the most special things that we experienced on our trip was, okay so every day, three of us would go out and ski. There would be multiple fights between Locke and Shepherd because Locke’s getting mad that Shepherd’s holding us up and he falls down and he needs help and other people have to help him if I’m below him on the mountain and stuff, and then Locke’ll be like, I’m gonna ski by myself. And so he goes off and does his teenage ski by himself thinking that Shepherd and I ski and then we’ll meet up. You ’bout to do that? You gonna come down that? – [Shepherd] Which way are we going? – Oh, nothing. So that kind of thing is happening. I’m kinda trying to manage it and I’m not trying to force it because I want the same thing. I want there to be these moments of like, a father and his two sons in perfect rhythm on the slopes of Colorado. – Yeah. – Postcard. – Yeah. – But really it’s– – And while they’re skiing they’re looking at you talking about how great of a dad you are. – Yeah, right, but really what’s happening is I’m getting separated from Shepherd and I’m getting a phone call from Jessie who got a phone call from the guy at the lift who’s like, your son is here and is lost. That happened, yeah, it’s not even worth (chuckles). – Shepherd or Locke? – Shepherd. Locke had his own phone, but Shepherd was fine. He didn’t panic or anything, he knew that we would get in touch when we got back up. And also in the midst of looking for Shepherd, cutting off this little girl and her dad come skiing up to me and he’s like what the hell were you thinking? And me not saying anything back to him because I didn’t have an answer. – There’s something in my boot. – No that was after the boot had been– – There was something in my boot yesterday. – But the cool, one of the best things that happened as a family is we would go skiing and then we would come back and we would go out to eat. And then we would come back to the hotel and they had their room and we had our room. But we would all get into our bed so four of us, which is even more difficult than three people in a bed and we would watch The Goldbergs. Now I know– – The Goldbergs. – I’ve already plugged The Goldbergs once. But– – You pluggin’ some Goldbergs. That was your show. – And again, let me just say that I’m not saying that it’s a perfect show, I’m saying it is the perfect show to watch as our family because we all fit these totally exaggerated tropes and the show is so exaggerated, well not really, I mean it’s– – You don’t have to go back through why The Goldbergs is great but what did it do for you guys? – No but we relate, there’s something about all this stuff that we’ve done during the day of Locke being the typical teenager and Shepherd being the typical annoying little brother and Jessie being the overprotective mom and me being the fad with a short fuse– – Uh-huh. – That when you sit down and you see it played out comedically in a show, we start realizing how we’ve just fallen into these roles in these predictable ways and it just makes us, we bonded as a family and then like Shepherd, it’d be like 10 o’clock at night and Shepherd figured out how to call room to room of course so we started doing that a lot. The phone would ring, I’d pick it up and be like hello and Shepherd would be like, you know what time it is. I was like what, he said, “Goldberg time.” (laughs) So he was like, he was so into us– – That’s good. – Sitting down and there’s not a– – It’s kinda like our Survivor time. – Like you’ve said before, there’s not a lot of entertainment out there that you can just sit down as a family and just completely bond. That used to be the way it was. – Yeah. – Ironically back in the 80s which is when The Goldbergs is based but that was the sweetest time that we had. Lots of typical family stuff that we did of getting on each other’s nerves but there was that time we would all get together, all file into the bed and just, I think that that’s the kinda thing that they’re gonna remember. – Yeah. – They’re gonna have a memory of like, I remember being, you don’t remember being annoyed by your little brother or your big brother or your dad having a short fuse or your mom picking at something on you and upsetting you. I think you remember those, the sweet times. – And if they don’t, we can make ’em listen to this podcast. – You have anything else from London? – No that’s it, man. We rode the double-decker bus. Christy liked that a lot better than the Tube. A lot more visibility. Everybody was happy– – On top? – Once we get up top of the double-decker bus. – I have a quick rec that I think you’re gonna whole-heartedly agree with. ♪ Check baby check baby one two three four ♪ ♪ Check baby check baby ♪ – I do– ♪ One two ♪ – Just as a small addendum because I can’t not tell you this. In the little shop in Vail– – There’s a rec? – This is a– – You teased the rec. – I’m teasing the rec. – Okay. – In the little shop in Vail, Vail Village, well in Vail Village there’s a bunch of shops and there’s a bunch of really rich folk stuff. – They call those boutiques. – And we went into this one store called Gorsuch, which I just thought that he was the guy that Obama tried to get to be the Supreme Court nominee. – Neil Gorsuch. – It didn’t work out too well. But apparently it’s a brand or it’s a store. And you could kinda tell from the window that this was like douche central. And so we’re like let’s go– – You were like a moth to a flame. – Well here’s the thing. I’ll get custom ski boots but I don’t go in and buy unnecessarily expensive clothing. I don’t do that. – Like a vest with like skiers on it. – I don’t do that. So we go into this place. – You went in. – For entertainment purposes, I’m not gonna buy anything. I’m going in there because I’m blown away at the culture and like the vibe and it’s three stories. – I think the collars won’t un-pop there. – We go in there, you walk in, the first level is the women’s level. – Okay. – And there was this coat that was like a cardigan of some kind but a little bit longer. – I think that’s just a coat. – Nothing special, looks like something from the rack of Forever 21. – Okay. – Price tag. – $2,000. – $3,998. – Good gosh. – $4,000 and I was like what? And I was like I’m gonna be in here awhile because this is so entertaining to me. And there’s people actually shopping and trying things on. I go upstairs to the men’s section and that was when, and I’d already kinda picked up on this, there’s a bunch of Italian people. Lots of people from Europe, lots of people speaking Spanish and Italian. – Okay. – But lots of Italian people who apparently have lots of– – Money. – Discretionary cash. – Gettin’ that Italian leather. – And this dude is trying on this puffy jacket in front of his girlfriend. How do I look? But he said it in Italian, and she was like– – But you knew that’s what he was saying. – She was like– – Bonjour. – Bonito, well, I don’t know. – That’s French. – What is the, I don’t know. She said it looked good. And then I went and I picked one up. – Oh you kinda on the sly looked at– – $2,000. It was just a puffy jacket. This dude was about to buy it. I mean, this place– – Welcome to your future. – But here’s the thing– – Listen man. All right so you’re on record saying you would never do this ’cause you’re on a slippery slope with your hot chocolate. – Well hold on no, first of all, ski boots cost what ski boots cost, right? – Okay. – In the long run, I’m actually gonna save money because you have to rent ’em every time you go. – Okay. – But the thing I told Jessie is I was like, I don’t– – You know me, I’m a tight wad, man. I bought the Oyster card, it’s got $5 on it, I can’t Uber. – No but let’s just say you had unlimited money. Money was not an object which is a saying which I’ve never understood exactly that means literally but money is no obstacle to you, right. – Yeah. – You wouldn’t buy the, if I had all the money in the world, I would not buy a $4,000 jacket. I would buy $2,000– – If it did something. – It doesn’t do anything else. – If it did something very special like told the future, then you’d probably buy it but you’re not just gonna buy one that doesn’t tell the future. – But apparently this stuff is so expensive that Americans can’t even buy it. You gotta be Italian. – Oh. – You gotta be rich and from another country. You know what I’m saying, like, ’cause I was the only American that ventured into this particular shop. – Maybe the dollar conversion is confusing. – And there’s (chuckles), and there’s something about Italians doing it that makes it seem not douchey. – They can do anything. – You know what I’m saying, it’s like, he’s kinda making himself seem humble in that $2,000 (laughing). – Yeah. – $2,000 jacket. I could never get away with that. – Every time they get in the car they’re magically driving on an undulating highway on the coast. – Right. – That’s how Italians roll. – I don’t understand where the money comes from. – Every road. – It’s like Italian royalty but that’s not a thing ’cause it’s not a monarchy. I don’t know where it comes from. Pasta money, that’s what it is. – They just churn it out like pasta. – Yeah. – They just extrude money. – So anyway. – Like bow tie pasta. – Shout out to the non-douchey, very rich Italians of Vail. May your $4,000 jackets keep you warm at night. – What’s your recommendation, man? – My recommendation is a song that actually you played for me. I do wanna say quickly that– – You gonna recommend a song. – I made a recommendation, a musical recommendation that we had to cut out because the person I recommended said something problematic so I’m not, and I already said that on Twitter but– – You talkin’ about Cardi B? – No it wasn’t Cardi B. It was a lesser, very lesser known person. – You talking about Michael Jackson? – No, now you’re just saying things. It was somebody that you probably didn’t know about. – Controversial artist. – No and I’m saying that me mentioning them to like 90% of you would be your first time you’d ever heard this person’s name and then you’d look them up and you’d see the thing they’re in the news for now is something problematic so that’s why we took the rec out. – You’re about to make the same mistake again? – No I’m giving you a very non-problematic music rec. – Don’t rec the same guy. – This is not a guy, this is a group. And this is a group that my son and I bonded over because I played this particular song and I feel like I opened up a world to my son and he actually ended up texting me today about this whole movement of music that we talked about and that is Make It With You by Bread. Which I think is– – Oh I love the song. – Is on the post concert playlist that you put together. – Yeah I’ve been big on this song for awhile ’cause a matter of fact, Spotify played it in the car the other day and Lily was like, you play this song a lot. So she didn’t seem to love Bread. – Okay well my boy was into it. And so Make It With You by Bread. Bread is a soft rock band that I think that song’s from like 73 or 74 but early 70s, almost as a– – Hey. – Rebellion against– – Have you ever tried really reaching out for the other side? – As a rebellion against the sort of the disco movement that was happening, these guys were doing something, they were just pouring out their music like syrup. – Well they were climbing on rainbows. – It was absolutely amazing and this song, dare I say, there are no perfect songs but if you had to put songs into closest to perfect as it can possibly be, Make It With You by Bread is a as close to perfect song as there is. – Oh man those are strong words. I think it’s– – And listen to it with your ear phones on (chuckles). – Your ear biscuits. It’s like Summer Breeze but a little less douchey. So it’s not like, it’s like the Italian Summer Breeze. – It’s like the Italian Summer Breeze. – Yeah I agree with that. – It’s like putting on a $4,000 jacket and then realizing that oh, I didn’t even pay for this. – All right guys, we’re gonna wrap this up. Thanks for going with us on a journey back through our experiences over spring break. Vote for us for the Webby if you want to. Or leave a, if it’s past that and you’re listening to this in the distant future you can still leave a review on iTunes if that still happens. If that still exists in the future. How far in the future are you listening to this? – I don’t know. – I’m glad it’s still in the ether. – Somebody’s listening to this in 2031. – Our great grandchildren. – 2031’s not, hopefully we won’t have great grandchildren by then. – Well. – I mean it might be biologically possible but it would be controversial to say the least. That’s like 12 years from now. – That’s a good point. (Rhett chuckles) To watch more Ear Biscuits, click on the playlist on the right. – [Rhett] To watch the previous episode of Ear Biscuits, click on the playlist to the left. – [Link] And don’t forget to click on the circular icon to subscribe. – [Rhett] If you prefer to listen to this podcast, it’s available on all your favorite podcast platforms. Thanks for being your Mythical best. (electronic music)