EB 2: Philip DeFranco: How I Got Here (Oct 2013)

[Music] welcome to ear abyss ckets I’m Rhett and I’m link our guests on this week’s show is they wanted only philip defranco had quite a conversation with phil that you’re going to enjoy if you enjoy amazing life details of narrow escapes from death and just crazy happenings narrow escapes from weird relationship this guy has lived quite a life and we had quite a conversation with him that we’re anxious for you to hear and he just got engaged talking about what he thinks of marriage you know what we think of marriage okay you know buckle up for that but first I did want to ask you if you thought that we me and you you’re asking me not them yeah we’re gonna go surfing tomorrow morning because we’ve been going a lot of people don’t know this we haven’t been talking about it we’ve been going every week for the past month and then we took two weeks off cuz we got too busy and I think a static stand-up paddleboarding slash surfing yeah basically trying to teach ourselves to surf at Will Rogers okay well don’t tell him where we’re going because they might show up and or something it’s funny because I was trying to say teach ourselves to surf when no one’s there so we won’t be embarrassed and Here I am saying where it is and well or they don’t know what how are we go out to and they don’t know what time we get there and and we didn’t mention the masks that we wear that’s right that make us look like mermen but yeah I’m I I have a hankering to go back I am over my injury I’m correct a rib eye yeah I mean I thought it was just a bruised rib but then you know after three weeks it doesn’t feel any better that’s a cracked ribs I mean you take a deep breath now and is it still hurt no I’m recovered which means I can go out and reinjure myself okay so I’m ready to do that yeah so it’s a emitted Lee it’s a little bit dorky two grown men out there on these very large boards I think it’s cute falling falling down quite a bit I was I gotta say I did have a very self conscious conscious moment because we got out there and there was a high school surfing class that was occupying the same strand of beach and there’s all these high school girls out there you know to see you move down the beach once they really started coming out I was like I don’t want to be around these high schoolers I know how it is in high school they’re gonna start bullying me they’re gonna make fun of me the tall guy in the wetsuit on the stand-up paddleboard they’re only cool surfacer I stayed down there saw that where they were you fall off your board a few times after I embarrassed myself I decided to paddle I did the paddle of shame you ask all the high schoolers and at one point these two high school girls heckled me yeah I saw that and heard it they said hey paddle boarder and also paddle boarders and I was like good morning what what do you are you a group or something he said we’re a class we’re learning to surf you maybe you would want to get a real surfboard heckled me and I was like well I didn’t know what I know you know what am i they did they said that that you should get a real surfboard I said why why don’t you tell someone your own age like I just didn’t have a good response well that’s true if there was a camera there I would have had a great rest with a catalyst for paddling high schoolers I don’t know I didn’t know that you heard that they heckled me cuz you didn’t say anything you didn’t why didn’t you yell I leave my friend alone because I know my place man I was outside of the break and I was like I mean you were right there I’m gonna stay out of this he’s being made fun of by high schoolers I’m gonna watch and laugh internally yeah well we’ll talk about it later that’s what I was thinking we talked about it later you could have stood up for me man okay tomorrow if they they say the same things I’ll stick up for you be don’t talk to my friend guys like what you did to John Carson and yeah great John Carson was picking on you and I punched him in the stomach I should make up for that okay we’ll settle that later so I owe you is that what you see that’s the you’re not gonna help me with hecklers until I make good on the John Carson thing that you did true so I’ll go into the fray tomorrow and see if they make fun of me and then you can punch somebody okay we had a great conversation like we said with Philip DeFranco so we don’t want to delay getting into this thing any further but just a couple of things in terms of bio here if you don’t know who Philly D is he’s been on YouTube since it’s basically the very beginning in 2006 he has amassed over a billion views on just his show the philip defranco show that’s quite a landmark and he’s also the creator of the SourceFed channels which we’re friends with those people too so what one one word of warning before we get into this conversation like we said on last week’s show this show is not necessarily family-friendly and I would say this is one of those episodes where we had a great raw open and honest conversation with Phil about a number of things but it’s not a conversation that’s appropriate for kids I’m very kid and you’re listening right now you need to go find something else to do and if you’re an adult that has a kid watching you need to send the kid out here it is our conversation with Philip DeFranco now we saw you I guess it was two weeks ago we came to your place right through the SourceFed thing and when we did the table talk all of a sudden when that was done we started talking about marriage no you are now engaged I definitely want to get into that I don’t want to start there I just want to acknowledge that that’s never gonna go we’ve actually we’re definitely go there we’ve got what 25 years of marriage between the two of us but not with each other I might want to clarify that I think that it’s not fair that you get you just add it like if two things happen at the same it’s fair yeah it well that’s because you’re experienced what difference it’s like when you go to a new plumber and they’re like we have 477 years of plumbing experience that’s not one really old plumber no it’s like twelve no it’s like twenty five guys who you know have been for a few years so that’s what we’re offering you perfect later on in this podcast is you know to really get into this whole the concept of marriage and what’s what’s ahead for you sir so you’re saying that we’re gonna be teaching Phil something later is that I just filled it to up – yeah I just think back to talk about it a little bit if you have any questions we’re not necessarily gonna have good answers but you know it’s not about us anyway there’s two of us there’s one of you you need to speak more but we should go back to the origin first like the origin of Philip DeFranco the night of your conception it was a sloppy sloppy night it was a mistake really well that’s my dad always says that I was the best mistake he ever made but I feel like that’s what probably 70% of parents say at this point in life like most I feel like my parents never said that to me but but we don’t know how to take that but were you planned I never asked no I think I was maybe I think I was well also uh my my parents are divorced or your parents still together minor divorce so divorce still together okay well cuz in the in a divorce it usually comes up because usually you’re kind of even though you’re not the problem like you were part of that equation as a child and it adds to the situation no one wants to be like Tim it was your fault okay so you were the you were the accident yes and then it was your fault that they got a divorce is that what you’re saying no no no it was my fault that those poor people decided okay we’re having a baby let’s try and like do this oh you were the cause of the marriage it will I you know what I’m such a bad memory I don’t know I literally were pretty small it was such a volatile relationship back then like if they start talking about the past I’m like good I’m done I’ll see you guys later because it’s just that was actually the reason why I was so scared of marriage for the longest time because that relationship was terrible and the only reason they had to like even remotely stay together or know each other anymore was me hmm and then seeing the relationships after but I mean one of the reasons I I do believe that marriage can work and maybe it’s because I also haven’t talked to you guys yet is my dad my dad and my stepmom best relationship I’ve ever seen like they just love each other they take care of each other for better or worse richer or poorer sickness and in health like they abide by the vowels yeah and they rock it see we’re already we’re already back to the marriage I know it’s already full circle so okay so you were born into this into this marriage which this is the first one which was destined to not doesn’t did not work not work yes but we’re always only offspring from that that union yes yeah I have a half-brother from a mom’s side that’s about 10 years older than me and a half-sister on my my dad’s side that’s 10 years younger than me you stay in touch with them my sister more than my brother there’s I think there it’s just even most of my family I don’t I don’t have that much of a connection to them it’s it’s very mom dad immediate family don’t really know many of the others we recently saw that like my dad my uncle and some of my cousins were out in Anaheim and we met one time and then I was like that was cool but I don’t I don’t know I always thought that I was a family person but when it was fun they’re cool people but I don’t know if there’s any reason to keep up with it right yeah well I might be getting in touch with some of my third to fifth cousins soon because if yeah because Linc and I are doing this DNA analysis thing online where they tell you all about it who you are where you come from and they start telling you when you’re third to fifth cousins start contacting you so if you want to hang out with any of my 35th cousins is this that 23andme yeah yeah yeah yeah so I messed around with that and it’s really it’s really interesting the thing that throws me off is when it’s like doesn’t say undecided it’s like unknown have you gotten the results yet oh yeah okay I have not looked at my results so don’t spoil them for me okay yeah you have them right I have mine no you don’t have mine no not yours yet okay good I’m gonna talk to them you can’t spoil them I guess it’s just oh no it is interesting to think of like where where you come from but you come from unknown well I come from parts unknown I’m mostly European not as Italian as I thought I was disappointment but no I mean it’s one of those things that it’s like it’s interesting so you can mention it but I’m a very live in the now and I don’t mean that like I’m thing out of airplanes but just like I don’t my brain can only handle so much yeah so you’re so you’re not necessarily connecting I mean for for us I think it’s like you know moving out here to to the to the west coast it’s like you don’t you start you definitely desire to connect with the people that you’re in close proximity to so you don’t have family out here so I mean other you know Lindsay’s your your fiancee we know her yes and I mean who else are you connecting with if you’re not connecting with your your half-brother and half-sister really just the people around me and it becomes it becomes this weird mishmash of there are times where I try to not hire my friends because I don’t want to employ everyone I know because it changes the relationship oh yeah but they’re not called friends they’re called an entourage no no well that’s the thing is like it isn’t what they’re doing for you yes yes yes well it’s not like I’m like one of those like football players that like brings like 40 of their friends to their house and like has their cell phone bills and and like and it’s like oh and he drives my car like I mean it’s like right you know I I we were all out here most of us are tubers that’s how we met in the first place and we all have kind of the same goal so you know I like Joe Bereta hired Joe Bereta I consider him a friend but it’s not like we’re like best friends I think you have to have the those lines but for the most part I have about three close friends my fiancee and then that’s kind of it I keep it small I’m a very boring homebody kind of person unless I’m like oh yeah we’ll go totally jump out of an airplane and that’ll be fun and then I go straight back to being boring and I think it’s kind of worked out just because I get to focus on work a lot and I was thinking about it on the way here I don’t I don’t know I don’t know if I want to change that up that much I’m pretty I’m pretty happy with it but I don’t want to be our best friend because that was the real goal here was that we would become like a trio of best buddies and hang out all the time and yeah and that doors locked and that doors locked that’s kind of what’s happening on the lighting the lights out very low was sketched out when I came here I looked inside I was like I think that’s a Christmas tree and I rang the doorbell three times and no one answered everyone’s dead inside that doorbell goes yeah we need to prop so what was it like growing up I still want to kind of track back okay and so and I don’t want to underwhelm you because when I say I have a terrible memory I really do just make it up I feel like I feel like if I talk to like a shrink they’d be like you were pressing stuff but we can do the thing we wrap you in a blanket and you emerge from the womb again and then maybe like go through the whole thing and the whole process ago go to your first memory we have a blanket blocking the doors dimming the lights now we got the blanket I know what you mean though it’s you know I I always questioned whether I’m suppressing something – because my mobile my memories of childhood are kind of sketchy yeah it’s like they’re not all there is that what you mean you don’t remember much of the like you know the grade school where did you where did you grow up do you remember the state yes no no yes I was born I was born in New York specifically the Bronx and I was there for about 10 to 12 years once again the kind of how can remember it so you left in middle school ish I think middle schooler right before okay probably Jerry Berg can try do the math so this is with both parents no just with so my parents are split at this point my mom wants to move us out to North Carolina my my grandpa lives out there just start fresh they have this whole battle of you know can you leave the state you can you can’t visitation and so my mom moves to to North Carolina my dad ends up a year later moving to Florida and so I kind of do this back and forth thing so and we’re in North Carolina Asheville North Carolina the land of old people and hippies actually I mean that in a positive way it’s like it’s accurate yeah but I love it like it’s a weird intersection of people there yeah and I don’t know I haven’t been back in I want to say about four to six years mainly because I’m terrified of tiny planes and that Airport is tiny as well and I don’t want I also don’t want to go to Charlotte and any plane landing on a mountaintop is precarious that’s what freaks me out no I mean one of the scariest experiences of my life was we were going to the the RNC in Florida and somehow I guess we we booked our tickets late and I was on a plane that had six people and I was like and it like has the hump for the for the wheel and I was like this is how I die I’m gonna die in a plane that not even a report was like crashed because it’s so small they might think that was a car accident everyone’s getting on there asking is it you know and do you know how to fly plane right do you know it’s like checking people off the list when I got an exact but I can see into the end of the cockpit and and there’s not a door it’s just curtains how do we even get chicken that comes out you’ve been to the Asheville Airport I know what that’s like yeah so you grew up from like middle school at the middle school years you moved with your mom to the Asheville to Asheville North Carolina and so that’s yeah that’s where I I went to middle school and that if you ever saw my draw my life video at some point my mom ended up getting into a relationship with a guy that was under illegal activities and she got cancer at the same time that this guy was getting busted I’m sorry I didn’t want your drug is so I’m afraid of drawings about people’s lives terrifying I hate feds you gotta give it I like you to give it to me here at the roundtable but they want you to draw it here on the table right here right over Grace’s name answer how illegal cancer story is don’t get involved with the legal activities so yeah my my mom starts dating this this awesome guy he owns a bar it’s really cool I get to play darts there to people it’s where I learned how to play pool it was just this kind of fun time even though when I look back on it now you know it’s kind of sketchy as all hell and then we we move in with with this guy and then things are really good for a little bit and then one day I heard some something on the rafters for a better word and we didn’t really have an attic space so I was like when was that and so he left and I decided to go in there and see what was up and I find this really weird giant jar of mustard not a jar isn’t even it’s just a giant like you went to Costco he was addicted to mustard he was addicted not a problem but there was mustered all dripped on the sides and I was like what the hell was that about and so it looked like someone had just like put something in there and I looked in and I dipped my hand in a little and there were tons of bags of pills and it turned out that he just sold tons of speed like tons and tons and that and then I showed my mom and that started this whole thing that would then go on to the the law getting involved for a lack of a better way to explain it her working with that and then at the same time she found out she had cancer and so all the time this guy is helping her get treatment for this speed money with speed money I guess in borrowed money and others see some mustard money um cancer happened first he was he was helping with well that’s a thing I can’t remember which order it came in I what I do remember is things got a little weird and one night we woke up because we found out we had a carbon monoxide detector and the way we found that out was it went off my mom and I went to the garage and the guy had his the car on he had a gas mask on and he had everything closed so all the smoke was just coming straight into the house and uh yeah and about a week later my mom was like you’re going with your dad and I was with my dad for about two years in Florida and then there was a whole custody thing again after that situation was handled I know you’re looking at me like what the hell he just he tried to kill you and your mom yes I just have to I wanted to make sure I wasn’t missing stuff no that’s yeah I mean I’m a decent listener but and that was I think when I’m trying to replay the incidents in my head I think that happened and then either just before or just effort after my mom started working with law enforcement and that’s how yeah and so anyway so that situation I think that guy’s still in jail somewhere in North Carolina so your mom is it is what’s the update there she did she what happened with the cancer she is survived yeah she’s a survivor she’s she’s now remarried well she wasn’t married to that guy she my mom’s been married multiple time but she’s married now she’s uh she’s a nurse so she’s she there was this point in her life I guess where she was just like oh I wanted to start helping people I need a it was like that one of that like I need to contribute to the world and do something good because I’ve kind of surrounded myself with lots of bad things and so she’s awesome she’s just rocking it right now she but what was weird was we went to college and not just college at the same time I went to the same College at the same time because for the for my first year I was like I’ll go to Community School I’ll go to a BTech and and I’ll go there and my mom was like that’s what great idea I will go as well to start getting my general IDI out of the way and yeah that was I feel like out of the the drug situation or having my mom sitting next to me in English that was way worse that was way way worse if I could if I could live life without one of those two things I would say the second well when did it hit you that I guess I think a lot of times as a kid you go through things and you don’t really know how exceptional the situation is right when did it hit you that this is pretty intense like my story is pretty intense and unusual I don’t know I think that’s the weird thing is like I say it to you and then I say it with a smile because it’s the weirdest thing to me it’s so weird but at the same time and I feel weird because I was so young and you know it probably didn’t hit me as hard as everyone else in that situation yeah but I don’t know I maybe I’ve never really processed how how terrifying it was maybe I I don’t know I just consider it like something that happened and in a weird way because it’s so long – it almost feels like it happened to someone else and that’s how I feel it kind of like prior to 7 years ago I almost feel like that was that was like a different person when I look back it’s like that was me but I don’t know I don’t feel those things I guess I can’t I don’t get that of the emotional reaction and I think like sometimes that scares me because I’m like a normal person probably would still feel something I don’t know I mean I feel I know with Linc I had a pretty idea like childhood with my parents are still together I was protected from a lot I know Lync had there was some tumultuous relationships yeah my mom and dad split when I was two and so there was this the whole visitation custody well there wasn’t in custody battle really but it was the whole visitation with my dad and you know the woman that he was with that he remarried so the whole stepmom thing it wasn’t it was nothing to the extreme of what you’re talking about but there was certainly a traumatic thing for a child in retrospect I remember that it wasn’t a happy time for me but at the same time I wasn’t I’m not I don’t remember being scarred I’m don’t feel like I’m scarred now or I don’t remember at the time that it was that horrible it was just okay this is just this is just life it could be better it could be worse my parents could be together that’d probably be better but right no yeah I totally good I think it’s weird like now that I’m thinking about it you know and I start thinking about when I was talked about like my mom’s been married multiple times and like a lot of my childhood I was with my mom my dad only got custody later on and was because of those crazy circumstances but what’s interesting is this guy right who did this this thing that he may have tried to kill us right he was in a weird way almost better than than everyone other than that one instant instance he was better than every other person my mom had like ever married or brought in because the guy before that this I don’t want this to become a pity party like I’m literally trying to to feel it out like that guy the drug dealer guy he took care of us he he took care of me he would take me out on his like bike and we would have fun he eats reads my mom nice until that and he like and he just and he never hit me and before that was like there’s a drunk truck driver that would like he taught me how to play chess so they’re like I always try and look at the positives of it but and and so like I he was the reason I would later like join chess club and I still loved chess but like he was a crazy alcoholic and he was like he hit my mom he hit me and then even after this crazy guy like there was a time where that guy was terrible and in like I almost end up feeling bad that the situation got to that point I don’t know it’s just thinking about it’s so weird because it was all these other terrible people that directly and inflicted harm to me and then just this guy that he was into shady and then he reacted to everything else right no I know it’s like this weird like things I’m just trying to wrap my head around because he said like how traumatic it is did anybody try to kill you once you moved in with your dad no that’s great that’s a better oh you got to go down to Florida and live with dad yeah for a little bit and I did I said that was high school that was just getting into high school try to think it might have been last last year of middle school and then first year of high school and then it was kind of back and forth for a bit which was weird okay and see yeah so what was what was that like you know just what kind of what kind of kid were you in high school boring and people say nerdy like that’s how they usually describe themselves but I was just like weird kid I was I liked waking up in the morning watching Dragon Ball Z going to school doing my homework there coming home playing video games until I went to sleep and then repeating the cycle like I didn’t go out that much my both my both my parents and separate situations they kind of locked me down unless it was like a weekend and it was like a friend that they have like gone over to that house to vet their like very very oddly protective especially when like I talked to people they’re like oh yeah when I was a teenager I would go out all the time and we’d you know hang out at someone in this place and I was like you could do that and it’s amazing like it was I mean maybe it’s also that like my child and everything I left home as soon as I could I turned 17 I graduated early and I was like I’m out I’m out I’m going straight into a BTEC I have a job I’m getting a place and getting out and I think I’ve probably been just like running away from home ever since then like I love my dad and I visit him probably the most my mom came out for the first time in three years I hadn’t seen her in three years I didn’t realize it until I saw her and I was like oh my god like I’ve just like I’ve been pushed like when I say like seven years ago that seems like a whole different person I’ve just tried to push that entire existence out and be me who has been on the internet for however long and you know I still reference my past all the time but mmm yeah I don’t know I don’t I look back and I’m just like I’m really glad I’m here now right so you got out of high school early yes and then you went to I went to a BTech and your mom will be with my mom for the first year okay we had a I guess it was English 101 sorry I shouldn’t English 101 and it was a secret no one knew we were or son and mother until they thought you were dating it was yes no until she she told the teacher and then he decided that it was a great idea two references and and he was an example and no his illustrations I don’t even know why he referenced it she weren’t living with your mom you had moved out you were it’s funny that you said you were trying to get away yet there she is in your class that’s probably frustrated yes it was completely frustrating because it’s like I have these classes and she’s like oh I should probably knock out those classes too what’s terrible a few things one she was way more popular in school like she talked to people I was still weird loner guy – she did more in college from the time we both went in on because so I went to a BTech and then and that was because I also wanted to go to the the college right next to it which was a shoot I can’t remember anyway so the college right next to it but then my girlfriend at the time one DC tech DCCCD tech it’s it was like the next to your house abet because you didn’t know the it was it took me too long to think of that so your girlfriend what oh so she was a she was a year younger than me our year under me and she want to go to East Carolina University and I look into it I’m like oh it’s a great med program completely not realizing that I think it was the year a few years prior it was the number one or number two party school oh yeah and so went there that relationship goes to hell because one I think halfway into it I was like I’m living with someone I really don’t like as a person like outside of from like the physical stuff we’re at that age that’s all like I was thinking about no just like you kind of suck as a human being and and I probably sucked as a human being as well but when you have no money and nothing to do and you’re surrounded by that person at all times like you just you want to murder each other and this is in Greenville this is in Greenville yeah yeah what you know we’re familiar with growing up outside of Raleigh and then we were in a large group of friends in high school who the majority of that group of friends all went to ECU okay so we probably had they were sparking a dozen in this like group that we hung out with they all went to ECU so and we saw at least half of them kind of fall off the fall off the map and one year at ECU so we I understand know what happens the the party school effect there I’m trying to think what happened there I don’t know that’s also was around the time that I started youtubing because it what she wanted to be you said med program so you had some aspirations of that yes I’m gonna be a doctor or whatever yeah and I had the idea that I was going to be a doctor it wasn’t I feel like it was also instilled in me since I was a I was a kid because my dad was like you’re gonna be a doctor gonna be the first one and you’re gonna do this and you’re gonna help people and yeah being a bio major a chem minor is like the fastest way I’d be like I hate everything like I can’t like I can’t have a life because I’m not a genius and so like putting in the work it was I don’t know I I kinda just sucked at school I was not smart enough for it and I think I was also at that point wanting to be a doctor for all the wrong reasons and that’s pretty much just money especially when you look at the world and there’s so many other ways that if that was like just your goal and it not to help people or to go into a specialization don’t do that don’t because otherwise you’re just another person contributing to the problem that we have right now right so at some point in there at ECU you started making videos yes so no money I could you know I feel like everyone at that point is living off of like either the dollar menu or pasta or ramen and so you know I was I was there and I was like oh oh I’m gonna watch lonelygirl15 videos and so I was watching that try to think you guys have been around forever so you probably remember Burnett oh oh yeah Boheme stuff like that early YouTube yeah early early to BEC when like it was it was all about community and then just like crazy crazy drama problems oh and how everyone was terrible once uh what was that YouTube was purchased by Google because they were gonna put on ads and ads are evil right and I was like ads yeah well but I mean so that was actually one of the reasons I continued doing YouTube and also stopped going to college because I was just burnt out I didn’t know if this is what I wanted to do I was actually rethinking my major no idea what it would have been and and I go okay well no I’m gonna double down on school it’s gonna be important and I believe it was either Margaret which might have been the first person I talked to you guys remember Margaret yeah or someone else from YouTube and they were like we’re gonna start this thing called the partner program and we’re getting ten people and it was like Boheme zip stir like just like old school people and and they’re like and we’re probably gonna give you like 5k a month I think is what it was and it was nowhere near that nowhere near near that at all but she contacted you because you had made a name for yourself on your channel yes and I think how did that happen so in that gap I think one month I guess it was it was a 2005 where you join did you have a youtube profile oh five because that was like it couldn’t be and then before that right after I’d have to double check because that’s another thing it’s either oh five or oh six okay yeah I remember that it was all four by three back then we had star system ratings what were you doing what videos you went from watching videos to making videos yeah so what were the first videos you made my first video I ever made which was I was smart enough to remove it six years ago was me making a video response to renetto to a video where he was like hanging out with his kids for 40 seconds and I was like it’s really cool it makes me like happy to see that it makes me think of like me hanging out my dad when we’d go to the park on the weekends cuz that’s when he would get me and he’d swing me around and it was fun like I don’t know I just I loved seeing that and I removed that I filmed it in a Panera Bread Wow while I was I had one online class and I didn’t have internet at home at the time so I was just there just messing around what were you thinking at the time it was a way to connect it was really a way to connect to people I mean I was I was rockin on myspace at the time getting excited anytime I got a new friend that I could possibly talk to and so YouTube it was just it was more immediate I could see people and and so that was the first one for the first video that had any substance was probably rush I think it was rush limbaugh I always get I always get the conservative talk guys confused but I think was rush limbaugh saying that Michael J Fox was faking his disease none s not not faking it but he was exaggerating I remember that yeah so he was exaggerating it he didn’t take his pills and so with any film to this ad and I was like that’s like how cynical of a person are you that that’s where you jumped and I got so pissed and so I made this two minute rant video and I think it got thirty thousand which is was amazing to me at the time and so I was like I’ll do that a little bit and then so you had an opinion you were passionate you made the video you got some traction so then you were like I’m gonna go with this I’ve got an opinion thing well not not actually at that point I not at that point I had I also did something with a bunch of buddies the the front page of YouTube was curated at that point yeah and so anytime anything went up there we would automatically jump and either make a response or a spoof to it kind of like what we what you see with vine now and anyone pops on something and then everyone else does that idea or a spoof of it I think it has a vine actually has a lot of ties to early early YouTube even the the the really really bad sponsor integrations into a place that doesn’t have ads and you’re like okay so everyone loves Wendy’s right now okay everyone loves uber right now okay great but but yeah I oh and so we would watch this video is try and get what looked to be one of the first video responses or do the exact opposite if they had their stuff on not Otto except video responses and they were they would actually wait we’d try and be one of the last because you’re kind of just guessing when they’re gonna get online and if he would be one of the last videos that would pop up you’ll be the first one yeah so people video and I also made fun of a lot of early youtubers to get any attention whatsoever so like the hill 88 I think I might have made a fun of me me Molly at some point just early tubers and then you know it was it was all in fun one of the first videos we made once we really started trying to get traction was we started making responsive videos too we need a response video to wicked awesome films punchy that got some I got some traction and then there was these toobut wins the pushed wins they did a skateboarding video okay and then we did this video where we were silhouetted and we altered our voices like and then we just made fun of you kids but you know it got a few thousand views or whatever the number was we stopped after that it did really work for us yeah what no no I I was gonna say that I actually think that it was did it for us you know I mean I think what the real thing that did it was when one of our videos was featured on the home page but yeah that was like you get you to get a look you taste a little bit of that like traction taste attraction slogan did you just start chasing it you know I forgot like I was featured was a saying then oh it was in it was that was it Magus thing it was a turning point yeah I remember I got featured once and it was on a video that had nothing to do with any of my other content I was like it was like a video where I showed my sister existed same thing happen to us Brett had his son LOC react to a basketball game Wolfpack versus Tar Heels it’s still on our Channel and he YouTube contacted us to feature it he was in his underwear and it got flagged and taken down and then YouTube asked us where is the video we said well it was flagged you took it down like we were talking to the YouTube you took it down YouTube YouTube was like oh well upload it again and we’ll feature it this is it like a phone cut Roberson yeah but the night but then I said okay here’s what we’re gonna do I’m gonna put the video back online we’ll put it back up but I’m gonna ask you right now will you feature one of our music videos because you know we’re actually trying to do this YouTube thing but not with our kids in this this is just a video of my child being funny put it back up but please feature in one of our videos they featured the unibrow song and yeah and it was that that taste of traction yeah enough people liked it and but did you did you have like because I think back to that time for us it was we even before YouTube we had the this very undefined aspiration to do entertainment full-time it was like we want to entertain that’s what we want to do you know we had been engineers for a while and we knew that we we got enough of that to know that we didn’t want to do that full-time right when you were doing that initially because none of us really had an idea that there was a such a thing as full-time youtuber that wasn’t a job that existed so it was very difficult to aspire to it so what-what were you hoping to accomplish I had yeah I had no idea I think that’s for most of us well most of us that didn’t have like that was back that background or aspiration no idea I think I was one of the Talking Heads that had a schedule and and eventually I I didn’t fully love the opinion stuff until later when I actually started meeting people and seeing that I wasn’t just a crazy person talking to my camera that had actually like either like made someone care about the news or the world around them or it helped form their opinion whether it was to agree with me or not and that’s when I really really got into it but I mean obviously I think they say Frank was the reason that I ended up actually doing this show because he had the show would say Frank for one year after it ended I feel like a month after I was just like that every internet so boring to me right now like the only other thing I have is rocketboom which was going through like weird transitions at that point and so I was like I’m gonna do a show and the first like two or three that I did was a terrible terrible ripoff of Zeze show and I eventually just I was like oh I should just try and find my voice like I have to because otherwise I’m gonna be this terrible terrible accidental parody of a really really great person and slowly found my voice I try to keep the videos to three or three to four now they’re crazy out of hand 8 to 12 minutes of depending on the day but yeah I mean that that was really it and just like the early stuff I probably wouldn’t be here if while I was at school my laptop just it just I forget what happened but it just stopped working one day and I didn’t have a camera and I couldn’t get make youtube videos and so I remember on one of my school computers I was talking to this guy that I had met in a stickum chat room which is also where I met Lindsay who then would go on to be my fiancee and just like Wickham I remember yeah we would just all go there and then and so this guy he’s like well I just got my tax return so and he bought me an iMac because he liked the video as any said he believed in me and at this point I hadn’t even created the show and this this is back when I was still wearing a backwards hat and I had like earrings and I was just like a huge tool bag and I was at channel 101 was like courting people to make content for TV and like I think back and I’m like if that guy did not exist he’s from a stickum chatroom yeah he was just a friend might even I just don’t have a computer – how did he how did he know that you lost your well cos no I was on a school computer oh and I was just chatting didn’t have a I’m trying to remember if I had my camera or there was no camera or I just chose not to and I just I was talking and then he was like I can help you out and I thought he was talking with me and I got an iMac and I got to continue making videos there’s a I’d have to look cuz I know a lot of the videos are unlisted but it’s the specific moment when I go from being black and white with a camera that shot like 320 by 240 to shooting with the eyesight and it’s just yeah I mean like with it that’s what I love about early early stuff and it’s I think to this day why I always try and test out things where we feature people whether it’s it’s a known crater that’s been trying for a while or just like the one offs because you never know like it I don’t want it to come off like terrible like I’ve gone to the YouTube space before and they were shooting this massive massive video and the director came over and he said thank you because I had pimped out one of his earlier things I was like and I ash that you’re welcome I had no idea who this guy is because we just like to promote things that are cool like that’s been the thing like before there was a business model that was not a business model there was just a love and passion for cool hmm and so I don’t know I think there was it’s those things that probably still keep me sane today rather than just like staring at a screen and going like everything is a lie and it’s all a sham and we’re so all la yeah I mean the the whole pay it forward thing the fact that you can pay it forward to the point where you don’t even know who who you just paid I mean that’s my beautiful thing I’m sure when we talked to Shay you know we’ll get him in here at the table and I know that you’re gonna be more than a blip in his story well she’s been she’s been probably the most a continually appreciative person throughout all his then later on successes which he is 100% like a lesser person would not have accomplished that despite any promotion in the beginning so I don’t know but there has but there have been cases of just like people that you helped and also you see this now with the next generation of tubers even the ones that like popped two years ago that started bringing people up mm-hm and they don’t they’re they’re bringing up people that aren’t like Shay I need to see like relationships and friendships and just terrible terrible you know we we tease to it at the top but now everybody’s just been waiting around to get back to this whole jerks the whole marriage thing now you and Lindsey mmm-hmm how long were you dating off of stick am stick him well so we weren’t dating at that point because I I my life so stupid and weird I had what I thought was a girlfriend for four to six months and it turned out to be a crazy girl like how you give ranges on things it’s good it’s very safe years 10 to 12 it depends on what you mean by is no things so I just give ranges but so for a while there was this girl online that I was really into and we would talk every day and once again I was a very lowly kid growing up so it was all about like this this girl that I talked to only on voice and she had a myspace profile she totally had to be real and live in New York like she said alumni and so I’m back then I’m anyway compress this part to get to Lindsay which actually matters I moved to New York I like threw all my stuff in my car moved to New York because we’re totally gonna get this place together at what point is this and what you’ve already told us at this point this is right after the girlfriend that I had in college okay so this I was getting YouTube Adsense at this point or no it was either right before or right after trying to mm-hmm I hate my memory so you were a YouTube celebrity you needed I had oh you were getting Adsense you weren’t getting yeah you were I’m trying to think if it had to be Adsense it that well anyway so at that point I’m like I don’t know what I want to do but I want to go to New York I know I’m from New York I probably have some family there that I haven’t like talked to ever because like the last time I had seen them I was like 12 and I never really talked to family get out there turns out oh the place that I totally thought we were getting together is just like some random house that’s still for rent and I’m up there now with no money because I thought everything was all squared away and we had we had like done the downpayment in the first month this is a real girl a real girl just don’t know who she is at all like she all we know is that she was in I think what was Kansas because then she so the worst thing right so I’m up there she she’s one of these like before catfish came out and everything she was one of these people that like created 20 myspace accounts and they all had like they would all boyfriend there was an ex-boyfriend and there were the friends and what do you mean like you’re angry at Megan oh you’re a terrible like just full-on orchestrated and I couldn’t get ahold of her and then I’m sleeping in my car I mean you couldn’t get ahold of her when you went to meet her in New York where you made a down payment on an apartment that you were gonna live in together where I gave money on PayPal to her to do it I’m smart very stupid I’m a very stupid person so I’m there and this is yeah this is over six years ago end up having a sleep in my car I’m freaked out cuz I’m like what the hell happened I thought that she had a semi violent ex-boyfriend and then on my myspace when I wake up in the morning and I forget where I went to finally find Internet and any food there’s like this whole thing about how they found make it and they like beat her up and she’s in the hospital and I just remembered just driving blankly on I was like I don’t know she has to be lying it has to be like this doesn’t happen in real life like this is like it was that point where like it just starts to shatter because I think to say that I didn’t have doubts before like they’re only so many times you can be like I don’t have a camera or later I can’t livestream like its I think it was more believable been like if the same fit happens now like you just want it too much and I probably just wanted it too much at that point I was lonely I had no direction in my life and I was just moving to New York with nothing in my little I was like 93 Geo Prizm this is like periwinkle blue just and I remember I was like okay I don’t even know where to go at this point and I just remember some reason I’m on the Jersey Turnpike and I pull over into a gas station and I call her from a payphone and so she finally answers and she talks about how she was like beat up and everything and I was like I know you’re lying there’s no way any of this happened there’s no way and so I I maxed out and overdraw all my cards I get back to North Carolina and actually in a very weird way with without this I probably would not have gone on further in YouTube because at that point I ended up staying with my mom for too much I’m sorry I’d completely changed the whole idea I got back none of my friends believed me none of my friends believed that she was just a glitch they said that I was like an untie that I just didn’t understand and I was being completely rude to this victim to like this girl that was a beer on her side yes like people that I had actually like met at points in my life did not believe me but they like believe this random Internet person and so I would later found out that she also then did this to one of the other guy friends that were in this like stickum group because I talked to her before Lindsey and ones he still gives me about all this because it’s just such a stupid time in my life but she ends up doing the same thing to this guy and then they did a bunch of research and they found out she was like I guess when I was talking to her like a 17 year old girl in in Kansas so that was just craziness there but anyway so Lindsay and I Lindsay was in a group of people who talked on yes dickham yeah with you and another guy who both were taking advantage of by this girl and she I don’t think she knew the other guy but she did know of Meagan it’s weird Wow his weird that’s so what’s making up this is why I hate talking about my life because it’s so weird but I feel like I feel like when anyone people like people look at me they’re either going that’s weird or you have to be lying and that’s why I think I also hate talking about my past it’s it’s super weird I don’t know well it’s entertaining I hope it’s at least at our table so then okay so Lindsay so I’m so weird and damaged so then Lindsay I she she never would turn on her mic she’d always be in stick and I was like oh this was this little pretty blonde girl and then if you look at any history of Lindsay Lindsay was bigger than me on YouTube at the time she was all about like the Braves and her original YouTube name was Braves girl 5 right then was like B girl 5 now alright wait I think it’s I have to its Linds loves now that’s right where she post her travel stuff but there was like this whole thing with like the old school and Cyclopaedia dramatical guys and like people like photoshopping weird sex pictures of this like young blonde girl Lindsay and I just remember like there was a page where like it’s literally nothing but gifts of like her photoshopped face getting like by two giant black do it I was like this is on the Internet and apparently she got crazy harassed he believed Megan that was real but you didn’t believe that because I think that would probably change my conversation my opener like so I saw this picture but we uh so we were in the chat room and then some some random person orchestrated one of the first YouTube gather I think the first Youtube gathering had ever gone to and that was Adi see tube which is supposed to be this like kind of biggish event for everything like literally it was like eight of us who were flown out and like they paid for us to be there and three people two of the people did not like my videos and I was like this is the worst time ever I’m just gonna get obscenely drunk and so I just I did that and that was the first time I met Lindsay and I met her at I think was a can I hop or a Waffle House in the morning and I was just like this girl is really pretty but I shouldn’t do anything about it because at the time I thought I was really in a relationship with fake girl Megan OH and literally the last thing I said to Lindsay before she left when we were hanging out was I’m so glad there’s no sexual tension between us so we can be friends and that she’s like yeah that she left and I just remember that and then so basically you said I’m not attracted to you I think that were an okay person and I don’t want to punch you but I also don’t want to have sex with you I think it’s what that phrase means okay yes loaded phrase but then all the craziness happens and then at some point there is a another youtube gathering called south tube and at south tube I end up I don’t have enough money to stay at a hotel so Lindsay’s like you can totally crash at my dorm and I was like that sounds great and I out with her her there that first night and then that was the first time and you see now I’m trying to remember because there’s also a night where mystery guitar man Joe Penna also no it was the same night never mind this is a completely weird thing so the first time I ever had relations with my girlfriend Joe Penna was about 10 feet away mystery comes from the mystery no she wasn’t wearing sunglasses because he might have been closer than you thought he was at the dark you see a tiny glimmer of his sunglasses yeah I know that was it that was right because yeah Joe was coming up at the time I mean that’s the thing about a lot of the old schoolers who are now trying out that oh it’s so terrible it’s amazing it’s I didn’t even remember the anyway so that’s where that relationship started because then like a week later she was like oh I hear maroon 5’s playing in Florida like I checked later and maroon 5 was in Atlanta like two days before that but she wanted to come down and hang out oh and so yeah and so she came down we had a blast it was fun and then she was gonna leave and there’s this whole like sappy like I wrote a note and left it in her purse and it was like I wish that you could stay an extra day and it just so happened that her plane ended up getting or the flight was cancelled and she had to wait till the next day so she got to stay another day and it was awesome and I think it was at that point I was like okay yeah she went back and I want to say about a week or two later I I’m having to deal with it now too because we’re we just got approved for a mortgage and I was like oh I remember that terrible blemish on my credit I left that lease because I moved to Atlanta and just ditch the ditch the place they uh yeah that hurt my my credit score so I helped you relationship that’s right yeah and then yeah and then I was in Atlanta there’s this whole shebang of YouTube money wasn’t as good as we thought it was gonna be because it was definitely promised out to be a lot bigger and so then I overspent on like a few things here there she had to hide me in her mom’s basement when they were trying to sell the house which worked for about three weeks until they tried to show the place and we had just no heads-up and yeah so I mean that’s that’s another reason I love Lindsay so much she’s always had my back and she always like even when I didn’t have anything and no one was like going yeah or no one was even trying to get stuff from me like she had my back man she she was like one of the few genuine people that it’s not that I can trust it’s that I know that I can trust I think when people have had the opportunity to take from you and they haven’t and they had your back when you didn’t have anything I think that’s that’s the probably the the thing that led to me going like oh I love this girl because I think in any relationship you have those feelings for the first I mean they’re they’re the range right there’s the three months and then at three months usually know it’s make or break and then you are either really into it or are you just like there’s something keeping you there and then there’s the one to to you and then and obviously I’m gonna ask you guys because you’re gonna have to have a different thing but there’s like definitely something around three to four that it’s like you start not remembering maybe what it was like before that person was there and even inside of our relationship we had we broke up two times one we had a we had it we rented a loft and I worked from home and she took online courses and that was a nightmare cuz you could just hear each other all day while I’m trying to record if she’s trying to study and it was just like how we freaked out and she ended up getting her own place it was like one of our her mom’s old old place that was still available how long was that breakup well the breakup was only for about a week I think both breakups up actually for well so one was a week and then the other was like two days okay so we’re talking a relational Tantrums yeah actually yeah when you look back on it it’s not a ladies part I’m not playing anything this is before you you were out you’re in LA yes yeah well one happened in Atlanta another one happened a year and a half two years ago and I mean that’s that was another thing I was actually ready to propose she had been it was like that uh that lust for a person you get when they’ve been gone for a little bit like she was uh she was like going through this whole thing where she was like I want to see Europe and I didn’t have the time my schedule so I was like go go do it like just like rock it out and so she went for like three weeks and she came back and then and I was like okay I’m gonna propose am I going to ring shops and I have no no idea about rings at the time and I’m like slowly alerting and then we had to like call him ring shops right before I realized that you should go wholesale how long ago was this when you were about to propose I want to say it was about I hate you because you make you’re making me self aware of my ranges it was probably about a year and a half two years ago yeah yeah and so she answered it came back and we had some weird petty argument over the dog pooping in the house like because I was like you’ve been gone for three weeks so you ended the argument with propose no oh no I feel like that’s like the that’s the wrong thing to do no I didn’t even say that until I want to say about four months ago she never knew until years later four months ago yeah because she was definitely getting antsy and in my head I’ve known for about eight months since because it definitely that whole breakup it made me like oh like I don’t know I’m not I don’t know like the world around me I’m not sure about things but that yeah I knew again about eight months okay by the way Lindsay is a little bit of a soul to have you have I ever told you about the time she made me cry all right so so this is you this is I think between the breakup scenario and now so before proposing I’m really drunk one night she’s a little bit drunk but not super drunk to to realize that she could totally prank me and how does she decide to prank me but give me a fake pregnancy test that she got from a prank shop and I was so happy and I started crying she thought I was gonna like reel back in terror which by the way why would you even test that but and I’m just so excited and I’m like crying because I didn’t even realize I wanted at that point but it was like this realization to me I was like it’s called a prank or if that’s called manipulation no see growing up with with I love her now because it’s something in my blood like growing up mom with my mom I I think I know what manipulation has granted when it’s that close to you you never know but but I think I was just kind of joking so she what she thought it was a oh she thought it was various she learned something that if she had wanted to manipulate oh yes she was betting for the lot of shock and awe man yes just kidding but here’s and I was happy and like I think in that moment I’m just like it could be a boy or girl and I’m happy and I get to like go through all these new because I think at that point and I think it when I talk about like pushing my my past behind me and everything I think it’s because those are the things that make me feel and I think a lot of those old things made me feel bad things whether it was you know maybe fear maybe just giddy about myself or anything but all of a sudden I could have essentially a new start to all of those situations where I don’t pick up that kids childhood and I can you know live through that kid in like you’re not having a childhood and you hopefully have two parents that love you equally and don’t hate each other and I can be a part of that granted in a different position but I could do that and I think it was like all of that came into my head and then it was immediately ripped away and I was like and I like I and how did she rip it away what did she say well no she’s like no no okay no so I get that she has a camera oh man I’m trying to think if she had a camera as well because I just know I was I was so torn Oh anyway so that that I don’t even know where we were she started you making me remember at my life you started crying and she was like tears of joy and in tears of devastation and then she felt horrible about it no that was not then it was just 30 minutes of me going that’s so that just made red-legged raving throughout the house but that had to that definitely had to change or maybe not change maybe reinforce the way that she felt about you at that point was it like the talk of marriage began to enter the picture it was a Lindsay is is the kind of girl that always wants a marriage I think for Mike Birbiglia a great comedian put it the best way is I don’t even necessarily still believe in marriage I I believe in the person that I am now marrying I I know that it’s something that she wants I know that she makes me happy I think other than like those random moments of doubt and like really there’s just the two that I can think of like I feel even though I’ve never thought like oh I have to get married I always knew that like Lindsay was the person that if I did get me I wanted to be with that person I wanted her family I wanted to still to this day like I feel like I’m two Phil’s I’m work Phil then I escape from that and I get to be Phil Phil and I get to be that with Lindsey and like my three or four friends and and so I’ve always known she if anything was negative to the relationship is every now and then she would push a little bit too hard for the the whole marriage thing like the previous Christmas like I got her a really nice necklace and apparently there was something that I said at one point somewhere that made her think that it was gonna be a ring and the disappointment in her a necklace is a ring for a really big fingers gonna work you’re bringing your fingering that fat just the disappointment in her face and the disappointment in her stepmoms face and I was just like oh she had talked apparently and and yeah think of anything it was it was the pushing but I think she was also at that point where you know we were together for over five years and we’d always I’d always point to our buddy daneboe who created Annoying Orange she waited 10 years before doing that and and she’s like I know like I feel like Lindsey would still be with me but she definitely be a different Lindsey and I don’t know I feel like we’re also at the point where it’s not that you know we just proposed and we have that like that glow about us I mean we’re right now we’re making a lot of big decisions because we did that right so I proposed we’re gonna have to figure out the wedding in 30 days I might actually own my first house which I’m really really like it’s all the adult stuff and then the proposal is online now that’s there’s a video that people can watch right the proposal yeah well no no it’s not up yet we’re gonna we’re gonna well yeah no there is I don’t even know what’s happening in my life yeah I’m yeah okay I feel like I’ve seen it I think it was on YouTube yes my website YouTube yeah yeah that’s right I posted the video because I edited it myself because I was like I have to share it because there are all these like terrible angles where I look like a giant fat person just my vanity that made me edit the video it was like the first thing I’ve edited and a little bit what what pushed you over to make the proposal I just wanted it I think I wanted her to be happy about it I will like whatever that feeling is where you know like this is the woman I’ll marry I’ve I had been there I just don’t believe in the idea of marriage we went to a a wedding and I felt so uncomfortable in this church that was describing marriage is this thing God created and like and I don’t know there was just like this weird thing and I was like well I’m not getting married because like God wants me to get married I’m I’m doing it because Lindsey I want her to be happy and to know even though I don’t put value in in the paper or the Rings even though I know what they stand for and I believe those things like she does and because of that it matters to me and because of that I go along with it I know that Lindsey’s like the only / like if I hurt Lindsay and and hopefully in the future when we have kids and and I where I hurt those kids like that seems terrifying to me that’s the last thing that I want and I feel like those are all the things that you think of when you’re like I’m gonna marry this girl after like four weeks it’s but I’ve continually felt that and I don’t think I would ever feel that I mean obviously I don’t I don’t believe in the one and all the others wait where we gonna say no go ahead believe in the one Oh like that we all have just like one other person right you know I think that’s a little silly right yeah so you don’t think that there’s a ceremony that you can craft that would have meaning for you it’s more of this already has meaning for her and I love her enough to do this for her it’s what I hear you saying for her yes I mean for me when I’m when having when I have the ring and I get to clink it on the table and I know that’ll have meaning to me because it’s there but also it’s probably my dad instilled my dad instilled in me when I was younger he’s like there’s no reason that you have to they’d probably also played a big role he’s like it’s just a piece of paper I like I’m just remember like my dad having these conversations were like 6 to 8 year old me just like your uncle he was with his with his his now ex-wife for 15 years before they decided to get married and then like six months after it changed everything like they had the wedding and I was like no you can’t go out because you’re my husband and I’m your wife and like apparently it changed everything and so I had those four your stories I had the people that raised me and honestly like other than than that like my I think I said earlier my dad and my stepmom like they made me believe that like people can be there people can have your back and I don’t and I and when I look at Lindsey even though I think in relationships people love each other at different levels and it’s constantly fluctuating it’s I don’t know I feel like it’s always there might change when I’m at your guys’s point having 12 to 13 years but how about that instead of me babbling I did when in your relationships did you ever have real breakups or little fights like me no breakups and you know I mean we built marriage up as some big thing that you know there was no we didn’t live together before you got married our first year of marriage was absolutely horrible because it was our first year of being together in every sense of the word well we dated before and we were in the same room beforehand lived in Zoey man yeah yeah so we’re in the same would me my life so marriage was something that was maybe it’s more of kind of how Lindsay thinks of it that it was a it was such a all we aspire towards this this moment this ceremony everything’s going to change after and then the next year was how do I live with this woman so if there was gonna be a breakup it would have happened in the first year of marriage but off abort this marriage you know the buildings on fire it’s coming down why did we put a down payment on this place its kind of how we felt about it but I mean there was it was you know there was love and there was a commitment and it you got through it that’s good but they were there so there was no breakup I mean we might have had a fight last night that she said sleep on the couch that may have happened to really but I heard about that we talked about it’s awesome to and about them I didn’t I didn’t end up sleeping on the couch I’ll put it that way no way and I think we nip things in the bud these days and I think that you know that’s my perspective too is the you know what you’re talking about with the fluctuation of the love level which is so true is like I think that you know our culture has definitely made it all about just the romantic connection and it’s just like you don’t you don’t see many movies there’s not it’s not a really exciting story on TV or in a movie to just talk about commitment you want to week we’re constantly presented with images of the moment of romance you know that’s what that’s what a romantic comedy is that’s what a love story is it’s the moment where these two people came together and it was fiery passion and that kind of thing and that’s something that Epsom flows with any relationship and I think that’s you know getting married at a young age I mean we were both like right out of college my wife wasn’t even done with college we got married what it represents on this side of it is this like yeah we’ve made a commitment and not that is if there is a lot of romance we have a great relationship we’re still in love with each other we still date we still experience the you know each other relationally in the way that we did when we were dating but it’s it’s like it’s not based on this at times you experience that but it’s not just like about that it’s not just this like we’re compatible because I think the fact is is that yes we are compatible in a relative sense but no you’re only compatible with yourself ultimately right no one is really compatible with someone else all 100% and 100% of all the ways you need to be or that you could be and 100 spins at a time that you conduct life with somebody and so right so when you get to that point where it’s just like all right you know right now it’s very difficult to love this person it’s very difficult to have a romantic feeling right now in the midst of this thing it’s like for me the marriage represents that commitment I hear what I hear you saying is that well the commitment is there I don’t need the formal a rain in order to maintain that commitment my big thing right because there are those moments of romantic there are those moments of you take care of each other when you’re sick but how how do you react in a relationship when over two to four years that person I mean even sooner when those per that person changes like you do you grow together but also how do you how do you get along and how do you deal with it when one person just feeling like a toll that day and they’re just a when I’m a douche just like a completely miserable terrible self deprecating I hate myself what’s the reaction to that is it shut up you’re stupid or is it you know something that helps or like there is no answer I think it comes down to that what works for that relationship because I can sometimes be a hard person to live with if I if I end up bringing my day home and that’s why I have been living this whole like two different fills but I think if a relationship works or not it isn’t based on the good it’s based on when the relationship is shitty and when circumstances are shitty do you fall apart or is your relationship something that only works when the environment around you is perfect and that’s when I see like a lot of the divorces it’s like everything’s good especially like friends from back home you know our parents are paying for most everything you know and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with living with the parents for a few years I went the different route but it’s definitely like when life happens like my relationship with that girl before all the craziness when it when we were in college didn’t work out and a big part was like when things weren’t perfect and everything didn’t work we hated each other just like and we had no desire to make anything better and with Lindsey it is that like still years and I I don’t it’s more than I just don’t wanna go to sleep angry it’s because it’s a little bit for me but also because I care about that person and I don’t want to have messed up that person’s day and I don’t know it’s it’s something weird and deep and even a little bit analytical like me and now I’m feeling even though it is that makes sense I mean you talk about changing I mean were as humans we’re constantly changing it’s just to you to me marriage is making a decision to do life with somebody and there’s a commitment that we are going to live life together and so we’re gonna change together you know old couples they look alike because they live life together you know that’s my goal is my wife’s better looking than me my goal is to look more like my wife when I you know that’s really what it comes down to just try not to sleep on the couch today she’s listening right now baby it’s also why you shouldn’t get a dog because you also begin looking like your dog mm-hmm you know and if you have a dog for the time that you have that dog the wife and you and the dog all began to merge and if you have a dog the dog wins it’s not even a merge but it’s in there’s an evolutionary kind of pace to be being a person that’s just constantly changing and to me it’s when everything when things go bad it’s I fall back on the commitment that we’re we’re doing this together we’re in this together we’re gonna get through this together and it’s it takes a lot of work constantly – it’s not just when it hits the fan but it’s every day it’s the small things you know it’s well I think it also helps you even eventually or not that in the long way be happy I feel like because you put so much on that commitment that you always have that that option there because I feel like in everything especially in relationships there’s a million easy ways both to to escape or to mess it up but like when when you look at that that harder road if you really really believe it I mean you’re living that life there’s the end there’s a reward – that is a reward of that harder road what do you think the reward is true companionship you know the willingness in your building I mean you know I may be mature I think you very fitting that when you thought that Lyndsey was pregnant you cried and you thought about what that would be like cuz I think that that’s a big part of it too I think that you know traditionally you know the romantic view of relationships is a relatively new creation that the primary purpose of our relationships is is romance in the past it was like the primary reason that men and women got together was so they could procreate and build families and create and basically contribute to society and just continue carrying on the human race right hmm that continues to be a big part of it and when you so you create this environment in which children can come and you know now we’ve got the mug O’Laughlin family and the McLaughlin family is my wife and I and these two little boys you know it’s like you you start seeing it’s just like yes this is this is so much bigger than me and just wanting to be with this one individual person I’m kind of building something that needs to be solid you know it can just be like you know what I am I met this other person and you know we’re having a real good time together I’m just gonna leave this the situation behind you guys figure it out III think that that’s one of the rewards one of the rewards is this is this family and this this legacy it’s not easy there’s absolutely nothing about it that’s easy it would probably just be easier to just be a bachelor a George Clooney that moves from one lady to the next you know so I mean for me a big reward is just like I feel like there’s something bigger than me happening here yeah and you know I mean you talk about oh I’m moving on to the next person now I mean that’s what my dad did mmm when I was 2 and I don’t want to recreate that you know I mean he had a tough road after that and so did I as a kid you know I don’t want to give that to I want to build something different you know and so I think that I was very calculated and very scientific about my approach to engagement and seeing marriage as this huge threshold that it this means something that I’m going to I’m gonna change the pattern that was set by my dad mm-hmm and I’m gonna set the foundation to create to build something like what right like what you were talking about that is tremendously rewarding and ultimately doesn’t create all these painful barriers that I had to come overcome as a kid to become Who I am in one sense I’m thankful for those things it made me who I am yes but it’s exciting and it’s rewarding to to say to have the prospect of teaming up with somebody a wife and saying I’m gonna build this thing that has other little people that then get bigger and you have to reprimand it is the the partnership that’s interesting because there was a time where I thought like okay I want a woman that’s like she’s doing the bigs like she’s like a businesswoman or she’s out there doing all these things because that’s like that’s what you do you got to work for it and I don’t want like a house housewife or anything and then I’m like I realize like if Lindsay didn’t have my back and she what didn’t play the support role I would crumble I would fall apart and I think the thing that pushes me is it’s real I mean this is awesome and I like talking to you guys and actually dig the podcast because we get to like shoot and have like real moments that was I to be the name of the podcast for was what real moments are so we didn’t feel like you you know go over well with our audience so we call it ear biscuits ear biscuit is that what it is yeah welcome to ear biscuits then my mind goes do a completely not a real place that I’m like oh well the merchandize it’s literally like all my successes that I get like when I go to any stupid LA party and I get props for I’m just like cool thank you and it might be because it’s like we’re years and and and I don’t want to sound like I’m just like blase about a position it’s just that it’s just we’re creating things and and the the real moments from it are when and when we get to meet people at like VidCon and stuff like that but other than that it is this weird not real thing for me like 90% of the time if I’m not like pushing a Lee Newton or a Joe Bereta and hoping to create something for them it’s just it’s this machine that I’m a part of which has done very well by man as gives me it gives me opportunities but like a family that sounds awesome like human beings like I was what I found out or what I thought I found out I was like oh I’m not a broken person and I’m not gonna die alone even though I’m gonna raise this thing it’ll probably put me in a nursing home you know like that’s where my mind went and I don’t know I was just like okay real life’s happening real life is happening and it’s not just this game that I do on the Internet and that was I think that was where I was like okay this is this is life I want to live life mmm and and have people around me well we wish you continued success on the business front and on the personal front and yeah let us know when the babies start coming oh yes well there it was our conversation with Phil DeFranco handed and I would how would you describe it raw at points there you talk about it the guy has an amazing life you know I feel like he he he wanted to apologize a few times about his story but I mean I had no idea maybe I should have like read Wikipedia or something before we talked to him no that’s that’s the fun and having the conversation and thank you for being a part of it we’re gonna do this again next week it’s another conversation with another person can we say who it is well I guess we should be non-committal if we know who it is they might they may back out after it’s all lined up but it will happen and if for some reason you have not seen any Oh Phyllis work check out the philip defranco show on youtube he’s also the man behind SourceFed and SourceFed nerd you know go check it out if you haven’t check out again if you have all right you can hear us next week or see us on other places in the meantime [Music] [Music]