EB 335: We Plan the Perfect Day For Each Other and it Gets Wild

Welcome to “Ear Biscuits”, the podcast where two lifelong friends talk about life for a long time. I’m Rhett. And I’m Link. This week at the round table of dim lighting, we’re gonna plan the perfect day for the other person. Yeah, and we- I’m gonna plan your perfect day, Rhett. And I’m gonna plan your perfect day. And just so you know, we have committed to not having planned it yet, so- ‘Cause we were both like, this wasn’t our idea. I think this was like the, somebody from the Mythical crew suggested that we do an episode where we planned a perfect day for each other. You know, if you guys are such good friends, you should be able to do that. Yeah. And then we’re like, man, do we wanna do this episode? I don’t wanna sit here and think about planning a day for you, especially if I’m not gonna actually do it. And so that’s when I say- And you’re like- Hey. Hey. You know what? This will be a fun exercise to literally come up with it in the moment. Yes. So I have kept myself from thinking about your perfect day. But I’m gonna tell you right now, by the end of this episode, you will have a perfect day plan that you can tap into at any time. Well, I’d be really good at planning my own perfect day. Well, that’s the- Can I just do that? That’s the, well, we need to talk about the ground rules for that. But we’ve got some other things to update everybody on before we get to that. Yeah. I wanted to give an update on the party, on the Mythical Christmas party, which happened in- Spring. Spring. But ’cause I built that up, we were talking about how, okay, we’re gonna do it that night. And we gotta say that we have a phone number. We have an “Ear Biscuits” phone number. We tweeted this out. Yes. But we wanna- Very excited about this. Just wanna let you know. We wanted to make it where not only could you tweet and use hashtag ear biscuits to give feedback on the show and also to respond to prompts that we put out there. But we say, you know what? We wanna be able to hear your voices. It’s like an old school radio show, man. It’s like calling in. So 1-888-EARPOD1. 1-888-EARPOD1. The number one. The number one. Now we’re gonna use this number for a couple of things. Now when we do a prompt where we like, hey, we wanna hear your stories about this or your perspective on this, we’re gonna use that number. Which that’s what we’re gonna do next week. We already- We’ve already put out that prompt. We’ve already tweeted that prompt. If you wanna see it, you can go over there. Now- But that, next episode we’re gonna do that. Just because of the way that the timing works with when we record these and when we do those prompts, those prompts are most often gonna be on Twitter, right? So you need to be following Mythical on Twitter if you wanna see those prompts and then you can be like, I can call the number and leave my message, and then we might use it on an episode. Now one of the things some people have talked about, I saw some people say, “I don’t wanna do this ’cause I don’t like calling numbers or I don’t like, I think it’s a generational thing. They don’t call numbers anymore. And they don’t want their voice to be heard somewhere- Because it puts you on the spot. I have an idea. Okay. You could record a voice memo on your phone of what you wanna say. And then you could, and you could do it until you get it how you want it. And then whenever you call in, you have to use a second phone. You gotta have a burner phone. You gotta have a burner phone. And then you gotta play the message from your other phone. I don’t know if you can call a number and play a voice memo at the same time. You can probably do that- I don’t think that works. You can play it from your computer, assuming you have a computer or you have a person with another phone. Or you can just practice. Or you know what? Don’t worry about it. Like we just talk off top of our heads and like if things come sideways, we won’t make fun of you. Yeah. I promise we’re not gonna make fun of you. Should I have promised that? Yeah. And so that’s how we’re gonna use it. You got another solution? But we’re, no, no. I was gonna say you could- Learn how to use the phone. You could do that thing where like you type it in and then like the robot reads it, if you really wanna do it. But I would just say, hey- We’re not gonna choose that. Use this as an opportunity to be like, hey, I’m gonna overcome this fear and I’m gonna leave a voice message if that’s a fear of yours. And we’ll, hey, we’re accepting dudes and it’ll be okay. The second thing we’re gonna- We’re accepting all people, not just dudes. We are accepting dudes, as in the two of us are accepting dudes. Yeah, we are. The other thing we’re gonna use the number for is any time, anything that you want, you have a question for us that’s completely unrelated to something that we talked about, you have a comment about something, you have a thought about something that we said, something we got wrong, something we need to correct, a perspective on something, maybe we’ll listen to that and be like, hey, somebody left a message about that. And then at some point later, we’ll go back and address that, so- I like this. Audio reactions to episodes. You could, yeah. You can do whatever you want to on this line. But I would just say keep it- Short. Relatively brief, or brief. Not even relatively brief because it will up the chances that we hear it and use it. Yeah, that’s right. I mean, speaking of feedback, you know, we’re seeing feedback on the last episode. It’s like, man, you guys keep, enough with the friendship talk and then there’s people like, I love the friendship episodes. And so it’s, you know, I get it. I get both. I actually favored it on Twitter. Some feedback that was like, I’m tired of regurgitating all these friendship stories. It’s kind of boring to me. Well, and I, you know what, I honestly, I’m kind- It’s something we’ve discussed. I’m on team I’m tired of it too . And so, because I, you know, I think I’d love for us to be able to talk about topical things and just hypothetical things and answer your questions or hear your perspectives on things. I actually think today’s episode is, even though it’s not exactly in that category, but it’s this, it’s an exercise in us trying to figure out how to plan the perfect day for each other, which it’s a, to me, it reminds me of an old school rabbit hole episode where we would just take something and run with it. The fact that we have not thought about it and talked about it ahead of time, there’s no preview and we haven’t even worked it out on our own, to me, this is the kind of thing I get excited about. To me, I get excited about variety. And if you go back to the same well, which is like maybe our shared experiences from the past too much, especially in a formatted way, then yeah, I, you know, we can get kind of bored with it. So yeah, we appreciate the feedback. We’re kind of on the same page already and just like saying, hey, we wanna mix things up. You wanna have the light, fun episodes. I mean, what, one of the problems with that, just a little inside baseball is that like, when your show’s not just one thing, it’s harder to promote and for new audience to come in and we want people to discover “Ear Biscuits” and like be folded into the fold. But it’s like, if it’s just the two of us talking about our past or about anything, it’s like, it’s kind of hard to understand. You really gotta give it some time. So, you know, you’re special because you’ve given it the time, you’re committed, we appreciate that. And we want to hear from you. 188-EARPOD. One. One. Also, leave us, if you want, there’s something you wanna hear us talk about, you know, anything you want, and also do that with hashtag ear biscuits, because we are still reading all those things. Yeah. So. Multiple options. So we built up, we were recording a podcast and then we were going to the party in our parking lot. You had on your DJ suit. That night. I had on my DJ suit. And I was like, yeah, I’m, I’d worked up some playlists, ’cause somebody had to do it, and I really love that. And you told me that, ’cause you, it’s interesting for someone who is an aspirational DJ, your sort of approach with a party is that the music is not too loud. Like, you can still have a conversation. And then multiple times, in multiple settings over the past few years, I’ve heard you legitimately say people don’t, like, people don’t like to dance, right? Like you’ll be like- Well- People don’t, like people, no one’s gonna want to dance, right? Every playlist that I’ve made is for a party that usually, I’ve had at my house where it’s like- Old people. We’re just hanging out and we’re talking, we’re catching up, we’re having some libations. We’re chilling out by the fire pit. We’re taking it easy. It’s a kickback vibe. Yeah. And- You’re very good at those playlists. The party. And I already had a couple of those playlists cooked up, but then I had this sneaking suspicion in the back of my mind that it was gonna be a little too laid back, and I said that. But we get to the party and it’s, we had a couple of food trucks, we had tables set out, and then people are getting their like Korean barbecue. And there’s like the vegan food truck and hey, options for everybody. We’re accepting dudes. And then we’re accepting all people and- Vegan’s included. They all came to the party. It was like the first outdoor unmasked thing that everybody could be at. I was like, people are gonna want to connect. They’re gonna meet for the first time. We had the name tags so that people like me with name fright would be like, hey, I know who you are ’cause you’ve written it on your person. Yeah. And people are, and I’m playing- I got cute with that and put Brett on mine. That’s cute. Yeah. And so I was playing my kickback, instrumentals playlist. No lyrics, nothing to interfere with conversation, but a nice, just mid-tempo vibe to eat some barbecue and sit down and talk to people. I’m like, man, this is going good. There’s a little bit of mingling happening. We’re having a good time. Everybody’s eating. And then that took a, you know, an hour and 1/2, maybe two hours. And then we gave a speech. And I don’t know, it always seems like you know what you wanna say and I’m like, don’t know, and I hadn’t even thought about it, but I’m here for it and I’m glad to be speaking. But not knowing what I’m trying to convey. Hey, that’s a great one, two punch, man. So yeah. So one, two punch. I didn’t really know what I was gonna say until right before. Don’t say that. That makes me feel worse. But- But you did think about it at some point. I thought about it. Like it was, I thought about it in points. It was like, I have three points. Do you remember the points? No. Anyway, I mean, come on. They would, they’d love to hear your speech. Like paraphrased. Wow. Okay. Jenna, you might have to help with this if it was without memorable. You think Jenna remembers your speech? Yeah. She was too many libations. Don’t throw Jenna under the bus. It was early in the evening. We were all with it. I think I said something like, it’s great to be back together to see the bottom half of your faces. Yeah. That community is such a big part of what we have built here, and there’s something about being together and actually being in the same physical space, and I’m just so excited that we’re able to do this. It was about- Yeah. I tapped into the community aspect of what we were experiencing. And I was like, what he said. You kind of took it all. I can’t remember what I said. I think I said I love all of you. There was some kind of joke about, I put my hand on your shoulder. And I said, I was like, you know, sometimes, and I put my hand on your shoulder like sometimes if you come into our office, this, we do this when we are like, it was a, there was an impromptu moment where there was something about there was a joke. There was a joke about when we’re struggling and we’re depending on each other. And we might come into our office and we’re doing this. And then like you turned and we did that. We did like a physical joke. Yeah. And then I made an HR joke, which I hate making HR jokes. We always tend to make a- But Ellen was there. And so I was just like, if you are gonna touch someone on the shoulders, check with Ellen first or something like that, you know. I don’t like to make those jokes. And I wouldn’t have made that joke if I had really, see, this is why I plan things. Because when you don’t plan things, you end up making that joke and everybody laughed and everybody knew it was, you know, harmless, and we’re talking about shoulder touching. And I made the one thing I do remember saying was the phrase, now we’re gonna kick this party up a notch. So- I don’t know what, remember I said something like that and I don’t know- You were feeling it. I don’t know. This is a natural DJ instinct. Yeah, I don’t know why I said that because I wasn’t thinking. I was- You were like, I’m not prepared to kick it up a notch. No, I was thinking I had a playlist that was gonna take it up like one notch. Okay. So what- So then I started, but then I wasn’t ready to play it yet because there were a few more songs in my existing playlist. Well, give me an example of what the middle playlist was, the taking it up at one notch. Well, it had lyrics. Okay. So it was some- It had lyrics. It was some late ’90s rap, which I thought would connect. Like Ice Cube’s “Today Was A Good Day”. But still kinda like. Yeah, still vibing. We’re all interacting with each other. And, but I didn’t change the playlist yet. And I went back and sat down, and Jenna leaned over and she said, “Is this your idea of kicking it up a notch?” Jenna! And I was like, yeah, I don’t know why I said that prematurely because I wasn’t ready to kick it up a notch. Is this your idea of kicking it up a notch? And I was like, you know what? I can do that. I can do that. And I went over there and then like, I started, I actually, I think I went to use the bathroom. I was like, I gotta compose myself. And when I came back out, Jenna said, I don’t think, she came up to me. And it was like a little, like, I’m whispering even though there’s no one around. Yeah. Right. And she was like, “People are coming up to me because I don’t think that they’re comfortable coming up to you.” I love this. “And they’re just asking, could we have music with, you know, with like lyrics?” Okay. The music already had a beat. Okay. And then she was like, you know, “I think people want to dance.” And I was like, people want to dance? And I looked around at how everyone there was younger than me. Well- And I was like, you know what? Significantly younger. And I’m like, yeah, the people who work here, yeah, they’re in a different head space. When they want, I was like, but they haven’t seen each other for so long. So many people have never met. Don’t they just wanna sit down and talk? And Jenna was like, “No.” We did it already. We did it already. We’ve been doing that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I’m like, okay, okay. Well, then I’m thinking my backup to my backup playlist to take it up a second notch is still not taking us to the dance floor. You weren’t prepared for a dance party. I wasn’t prepared for a dance party. And that was such a huge blind spot for me. Yeah. Well, every DJ’s gotta have that moment. And a big wake up call. This is gonna be in your DJ, when you write your DJ autobiography, this is gonna be called, the chapter’s gonna be called wake up call, and you’re gonna tell this story. Yeah, so then I go, you know, I read Questlove’s book and- Did he have a wake up call? He had a wake up call. He tells this fantastic story of how President Obama, he was sitting president at the time, invited him to an event. And Questlove had been working on a set list for like months and months and months leading up to this. And it was like, go, it was like this amazingly intricate, like goes from A to B, goes through the history of music. And it’s like this amazing, intricate set list. And then he’s playing it for Obama. This is like, this is a big moment for him. And then after a while, President Obama pull, comes up to him, pulls him aside and you know, he does an impression of him and is basically like, “Can you play something for the kids? Can you play something for the kids?” And that’s my Obama, by the way. That’s pretty good. And he was crushed. He started, he had to start googling on his phone. I mean, Questlove, it’s not that he didn’t know what the kids would want to listen to. Who, what kids, the Obama kids? The younger people who were there. The kids. And then so like, can you play some current hits, you know? And so he like totally off the, on the fly, just had to regroup entirely. Wow. And then he had to start playing- Wake up call, man. Had to start playing what the people wanted to hear right then and dance to. And then I think there’s a part of the story where he is like, when it was all over, when the party was over, he just, he snuck away and just left. And he said that he couldn’t DJ for like the year. Oh my. It was like a huge deal for him. And- This is a much better story than yours. I’m so grateful to hear his much better story, because then I was like, you know what? I’m just, I don’t even, I’m not a DJ. I don’t even have DJ equipment. Yet. I’m sitting here with a, with Spotify. Hold on, but you’re ready to get, you are gonna buy some. And then at this point, I’m like, all right. So I start kicking it up with what I know. I’m playing some late ’90s rap and people are going on the dance floor. And then I’m like, I’ll take requests. And then based on the first few requests, I mean, these are songs that I knew of. I was aware of them and I would like find them and put ’em in the queue. And then I was like, I hope people don’t see this. And then I like took those songs and I started googling. Like, I’m like, these people like mid-2000’s dance floor. Hit the dance floor. Like, I’m literally Googling this. And then I’m over there like, yeah, okay. And then I’m throwing songs in the playlist. And I’m like, okay, now I got this. People are giving requests, it’s getting dark, everybody’s dancing. And you know what? It started to work. It started to work. It did. I, the thing I was observing, ’cause I was not party to any of this. I wasn’t talking to, I didn’t talk to you other than when we’d give a speech. We tend to- Yeah, yeah. We tend to separate- Right. In glad hand separately. Yeah. We’re too- Divide and conquer. We’re too accepting dudes. There’s two of us. Divide the party. But the thing I noticed was I hadn’t seen the Mythical crew together to that degree. And we also had the Smash crew, you know, in two years and- Yeah. We’ve hired a bunch of people over the past two years and you know, we keep getting older and we keep hiring people who are younger. And so there are just a lot of, most people are in their 20s and many of them are like in their early and mid 20s, right? Yeah. And there’s just a different life stage, man. And yeah, they wanna dance and it was just like, it was amazing. Once they started hearing what they wanted to hear, it was like a release and it, and you know what- It was like letting people out of, you know, they would’ve been like cooped up. Yeah. Socially. And they were just letting loose. And it was a beautiful thing to watch. It did feel good to see the Mythical crew and the Smash crew come together and hang out and have a good time, and nobody wanted to leave the party. They all just wanted to dance or hang around the edge. And it like, the party really took a turn. Thank you, Jenna, for breaking the news. Yes. And I was like, I went up to Christy and I was like, “Yeah, this is, I’ve really gotta make some adjustments.” She was like, “You can do it, babe.” She’s like being very supportive. And then so then yeah, the party started jumping. Yeah. And I was like Googling and taking requests and figuring it out. And people were like, looking at me like, man, he’s just taking this really seriously. Now can I get you, just as you’re, you know, I believe in this career evolution. I like the idea of your DJ phase. You know, we’re jokingly calling you DJ Rhett, but I honestly think you need to, you know, you really need to, are you gonna be DJ Straw Beat? You need to- I don’t like that either. You know, whatever you’re gonna be, I mean, I think you need to take some time and you need to figure that out. DJ guy from the internet. Yeah. But like, I do have a vision of you, you know, us going to like parties and like, yo, there’s Link, he’s, hell, Link’s here and DJ whatever is here and he’s doing his thing. Now my only note at this point is facial expression, okay? So in that moment- Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think this is why- This is good. Okay. I’ll take, I’m taking notes. I think this is why- Even on facial expression. This is why, who are the two guys that wear the helmets, the- Daftpunk. Daftpunk. And then who’s the guy that wears the big mouse? Deadmau5. Deadmau5. Marshmallow. And then you got Marshmallow. Yeah. I know- You’re saying I need to, Imma need a mask. Okay. I wanna wear a mask of my, of your face ’cause of DJ Rhett. That’s pretty funny. Or wear a mask of my own face, making the expression that apparently you’re about to tell me I need to make. Well, the reason that they, my theory is why they wear helmets is because it’s very difficult to not look like you’re trying. And you have a very, like, there’s a very specific face that you make when you’re concentrating and trying and you kind of, you start, you kind of go into like, you look a little bit like an old man trying to figure something out, right? You like this, like? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so whereas, I think most, exactly, yeah, yeah. Just like this? Yeah, that’s it. And so I think that most cool DJs either have a helmet or they found a way to look super happy and effortless the whole time that everything is happening. So I don’t, I’m not telling you what you should do. Well, I was, at the beginning, are you talking about at the beginning or like once I got in? Like once it was like, I recovered. I’m saying you- Even in the recovery, there was like the old man thing. I, well, I, when you would look down, there would be like a crinkle of the, there would be a crinkle of the brow, there would be, I mean, the person who pointed this out to me was your wife. So I’m sitting with Jessie and Christy and she’s like, “Look at him. He’s trying so hard.” And I looked and I was like- I was, man. This guy is, he’s doing a good job, but he doesn’t look like he’s doing a good job. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You gotta, it’s kinda like in the, when we, in the book in the gallery, we’re talking about confidence. It’s all about the look on your face. Yeah, yeah. You’re exactly right. What Imma do- Mask is not a bad idea. So I learned so much that night and this is the last piece of the puzzle because I derived so many things that why you need, a DJ needs equipment. So like when you’re just using a Spotify playlist, you are not a DJ because I would look at the dance floor and be all right, this song is too long, this song needs to end, and the next song needs to go ahead and play and it needs to blend, but the next song needs to start after the intro. I had no capability to do any of that. So that’s what the equipment allows you to do. Yeah, if you, you can’t even cross fade songs using Spotify, unless you let them play to completion and then the next one starts to completion. You can’t do it manually. In order to make a transition, you had to stop the song and start the next one, and I was trying to do that. I was like driving what it meant to be a DJ as if no one had ever done it. I do believe there was one time in which a song kind of abruptly ended and you said, “Sorry.” Yeah. Yeah, I did have a microphone. Yeah. And a couple of requests were like the worst thing to play at that moment. And I was like, I would call the person out and be like, “Hey, this is on so and so. This is not my decision.” So I learned like, you can’t take requests all the time- Man, this is like a crash course in deejaying. That was like throwing myself to the wolves. Yeah. Right. Yeah. But now I’m realizing, so I, after that night, I ordered a DJ deck. I now- You ordered one? I already have it. Really? Yeah. Last weekend, I set the thing up and in my living room and I had the headphones and I was using my speakers and I stayed up until like 2:30 in the morning just pretending to be deejaying a party that nobody was at. I love this. I love it. And you know what? It was so much fun. Is it a software? Like how does it? Do you load the songs? It’s Serato DJ. DJ Lite is free. And then it connects to the board, which like simulates two turntables. But where is it getting the music from? You can connect it with Tidal or SoundCloud. So I had to get a Tidal subscription. So you’re playing like the high res stuff? I’m playing the high res stuff. And you know what, I wasn’t doing it to, yes, I was pretending to be at a party kind of, and like, thinking about my experience and like, what would I’ve done if I would have had this equipment? Yeah, I would have done this. This is what I wanted to do. This is how I would want to mix these songs. And it’s like, I haven’t really figured it out yet. But it, the main thing is it’s like, it’s an exercise in active listening. I mean, for the whole pandemic, I really got into listening to music voraciously, like, and making playlists. That’s where this whole thing started. And so this is like another level of it’s active listening and you’re like participating in it and there’s like, there’s knobs and it’s very tangible. And like you’re learning software and there’s a really big part of this that is about control, you know- Right. Yeah. Which obviously resonates with my proclivities to like say, okay, can I control people’s and react to people’s responses and give them a good time? Like, I love this. I really think this may be my calling. Well, interesting that you say that because, you know, and I think this is a good channeling of that because it is true. Like, oftentimes if we’re like in a group setting, you know, my wife is the one that will point this out to you sometimes. It’s like, okay, Link, you feel like you’re trying to- she’ll bring something up and you’ll be like, “I don’t wanna talk about that.” You don’t say that, but you indicate that you don’t wanna talk about that right now. You’re kind of trying to keep the conversational flow according to what you think we should be talking about. Yeah. But I think that this is a way for you to exercise some control in a way that serves the group in a way that no one else is going to do. Right. And you can like control the vibe of the, of a party without controlling the conversation of a party. But it is a conversation. I mean, it’s not just control one way. It’s a two-way streak ’cause you gotta read it. You gotta read the room. Yeah. But now I’m realizing the one other piece that I need for my DJ setup is a mirror. To check your teeth? No, just to check the look on my face. Like, I’m gonna put a mirror down here. Lando makes fun of me. He says, “Every time you look in the mirror and fix your hair, dad, you make a, you make this face.” Yeah. I’m like, no, I don’t. I mean, I- I’m like, yeah, I think I do. I’m- So yeah, if I had a mirror there, I’d be making this face all the time. Well, I’m be honest about this. I feel like it would be super cool. And maybe, I don’t know, I’m not throwing anything out there, but maybe I am. You could get the Mythical Beasts to help out with this. But like, I think there’s an opportunity to achieve some sort of persona, you know, like some name and maybe there is like, okay, he always wears suits. You know, he’s always got matching tops and bottoms. And he, this is his helmet. This is what’s on his head. I mean, this, I’m just saying there’s, the possibilities are pretty limitless. And I never understood it. I never understood the helmets in the mouse head and the Marshmallow until this moment. And now it’s all making sense to me that like- I think I can, I don’t wanna wear a helmet. Just could probably hide in there. Probably hide. Well, you can get a cooled, one that has built-in cooling. Wow. Yeah. Or, you know, or you could just learn the face. What about just a hat? It could be a hat. But I’m saying like, you gotta have a name ’cause right, Because this DJ Rhett thing is kind of catching on now and you gotta stop that from happening. Yeah. That can- I think. That can’t happen. That can’t happen. Right. It can’t happen. This can’t be your thing when you have nothing to do with it. It’s like become front and center of the thing. I mean, it’s pretty funny. It is funny. But it’s a chapter in the book, the DJ Rhett days. And yeah, as long as I suck, I can be called that. Right. And then like when I realize that, okay, I think I’ve got something to offer to the world and I gotta come out with my real name. Yeah. Yeah. But you put some thought into that because then you could act different and everything. It’s like different I’m showing up- Alter ego. I’m showing up as this guy. Yeah. Yeah. And. I could wear matching suits, and which is kind of what I already did. Right. That’s what I’m saying. Yeah. You’re laying the groundwork for this. I could wear overalls. And, but I do think that you’re gonna have to bring Jenna- Coveralls? Jenna every time. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Because she’s gonna have to be figuring out what the people- Somebody come up whisper- Whisper it to you. Whisper the- Well, I think she’ll have a, you’ll have an earpiece in your helmet and she’ll have a little microphone. Jenna, you’ll be like, the face, work on the face. You’re doing that face again. You’re doing that face again. You’re doing the old man face. Okay. Well, we haven’t even planned our days. Thank you for indulging me. That was the update on the party. I didn’t mean to make it all about me and my DJ experience. But everybody had a good time. We, when, when we were, nobody wanted to leave. Yeah. I mean, I- You left. I ducked out about- I kept playing music- 8:30 or so. And then because I did this trick where I kept playing music and then everyone who stayed, we got them to help clean up. Well, I knew that was gonna happen so I left. Yeah. No, I left because I did my little dance. You know, and my dancing has gotten much more reserved over the years with my back situation. So I did my little dance in the circle and then I popped out and then I was like, okay, you know, you kids have fun. Daddy’s going home to go to sleep. But my, yeah, my idea is I’m a, I wanna be a barbecue DJ. I’m still more of a, I’m more of a laid back mode. I’m not like, I’m not going to the club. That is not my aspiration. I want to go to the barbecue. Okay. I like to have it, I want to have it a little bit more laid back. But I can’t, but I’d like, but I need to have it in my repertoire to hit the dance floor. Man, we waited a long time to do our promo. It usually comes earlier. What are we promoting today? Here, Rhett, read this script. This is a promotion that involves you. Before we get to the rest of the episode, we wanted to tell you about an exciting upcoming episode of “Best Friends Back, Alright”. All right. Now we talked about “BFBA” a few times on the show. Yes, we have. The show where Stevie and Neagheen reconnect after 15 years apart. And this week, there’s something- It’s a great show. A little different. On this Friday’s episode, I, Rhett, not DJ Rhett, just Rhett, will be guesting on the show and talking to Stevie And Neagheen about everyone’s favorite high school period, lunchtime. It’s not periods. I think they’ve already talked about periods. I’m sure they have. They’re just talking about their favorite, like lunchtime. The favorite high school period. Search for “Best Friends Back, Alright” on your favorite podcast app or click the link in the episode description to follow so you don’t miss Friday’s episode. While you’re over there, check out some of the other incredible episodes of the podcast. I wonder if Neagheen is gonna hate you. No, I know me. I kind of hope Neagheen hates you by the end of it. That would be hilarious to listen to. We get along great. I’m gonna listen to see if Neagheen hates Rhett. Okay. All right. Let’s plan the perfect day for the other guy. The only thing I’ve thought about is a few ground rules. You know, me, I love rules. That was a joke. I think that this is something is, should be something that is like possible. Yeah. Yeah. Let’s keep it. Let’s keep- It’s something that we could do. Feasible. Yeah. It’s a feasible thing. We’re talking, and what are we talking, 12 hours or 24 hours? I think we should stick with the day. I think this is like, when you wake up and when you go to bed. So it could be a little bit longer than normal. Okay. Okay. I also don’t think that, I don’t think it can involve any extensive travel because that’s not a great day. Like it’s- It’s gotta be really justified. I’m gonna fly you to Hawaii. Well, yeah. What about that five-hour flight? You gotta fly back too. That sucks. Yeah. Right. It wouldn’t work. You gotta, you have to wake up in your own bed and go to sleep in your own bed. So I think that rules out extensive travel. Yeah. It’s just a day. It’s not an overnight trip. And this is something that if we so chose, we could implement and actually pull off. Snap. So it’s not like, well, I’m gonna get, you know, I’m gonna get Questlove to come and give you a personalized DJ lesson. Yeah. ‘Cause that would be super cool, but I just don’t know if I can pull that off. I don’t, yeah. He wouldn’t sniff the hole on Fallon. I tried to get him to sniff the- Right, I remember that. Get him to smell the hole. He said no. Of the cinnamon roll. Yeah. So I think it’s gotta be something that- I didn’t get to talk to him afterward. You know that like, if I’m planning your thing, I know that I could do it if I wanted to and vice versa. Yeah. Okay. All right. Yeah. Yeah. Doesn’t involve any maybes or what if. It’s, this is actually could happen. Okay. All right. And it doesn’t necessarily have to involve the other guy. You could just be like a concierge for me. You don’t have to be there. If it’s, if the idea is better without you, then you’ve gotta be willing to not be there. Right? ‘Cause that, it’s my perfect day. It’s not our perfect day. Well, that might put a little bit of a, because one of the things that I’m thinking about- Hey, I’m just saying it could go either way. Well, you remember that time I- I have the freedom of disinviting you. I picked you and your girlfriend at the time up. Yeah. And took you on a date, and I turned my Dodge Dynasty into a limousine. And the only thing I did was I put a sheet up between the front and back seats. Yeah. And I put on a hat and I used an English accent. Yeah, I, and I, you know what, pardon my French, but I would call that boss. I mean, yeah. She was a little uncomfortable because it was like- To have your best friend take you on a date. Yeah. Like to go on a date with a guy and then his best friend is acting like a chauffer and has a sheet up between you and the front. You were in character the whole time. It was very much about you. Yeah, I was putting on a show, and I took you to like a jazz. You remember that jazz themed restaurant in- At Waverley Place. Waverley Place? And Carrie. Yeah. I mean, I booked the reservations. Yeah, I didn’t plan the, unlike now. But I, do you think it was my idea or your idea to do that? I think I probably pitched it. Yeah, what if I, you know, you wanna do something really nice, let’s get her a limo driven by me. And it’s not a limo, it’s the Dynasty. I’ll put a sheet up. I’ll use an English accent because I’ll chauffeurs are from England. Just a little insight into my 16-year-old mind. We just saw it from the perspective of this is hilarious and awesome and cool. But from her perspective was, like, yeah, this is a bit uncomfortable. And I mean, strangely third wheelish. But also this is what you get when you were, you’re dating Link. Yeah. You get a- Rhett might show up as your chauffer. You don’t know what’s gonna happen. So I, anyway, all that to say- So did you wanna start? Go. I’m gonna be your chauffeur for the day. Okay. All right. Just, and I will be using an English accent. And I, you know what? Yeah. It’s weird. That’s weird. It’s gonna be weird. Go ahead. Okay. I’m just saying I can, okay, do you want- You’re gonna pick me up at what time? Well. What’s the first thing? Well, first thing is, I’m going to, the day before, I’m going to learn your smoothie recipe, ’cause I know you gotta make your smoothie, but does the process of making the smoothie, is that part of it- It’s starting to feel a little bit too much like Mother’s Day. Like, you know, it’s like, this seems like a- You have to start your day with the damn smoothie so I figured that’s part of it. This is like a, yeah, I just think, give me time to make my own smoothie. So okay. Really? My perfect day is I make my own smoothie. You make your own smoothie? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So you, before you pick me up, apparently. So this is gonna be the, I could do anything. This is the perfect day. I’ve perfected my smoothie. It’s the perfect start of the day. I drink my coffee, I drink my smoothie, and I take a poop. And if I do those three things- I don’t wanna be there for that. Then I’m like, you know what? I’m ready to go. I’ve gotten the nutrients and I’m cleaned out. I’m ready to go. Okay. This- So you don’t even have to worry about breakfast. Okay. So I’m picking you up. But the question is, your family with you? Like, are you like, ’cause I feel like the perfect day. My kids? Hell no. Okay. So the kids are not- That’s a joke, but at this point, I’m, I was assuming that no. I definitely think that the kids, I mean, I think about my kids. I think there might be a certain point where they show up for a window of time for something. But the fact is is that I love my children, but I’m gonna see them the next day. Right. And they’re only, they only have potential to screw up the perfect day. I hate, you know, I hate to say that about them publicly. I love them both. ‘Cause your perfect day- But teenagers- Puts them in a position where they’re not having their perfect day. You know that messes up your perfect day. When you ask teenagers like, dad’s having his perfect day. Right. And they’re like, crap. We gotta be a part of it? You know, we gotta be there for this? And then they’ve got a little bit of attitude. Yeah. Like for Mother’s Day, and I know you did this too. Like, we had like six or seven-hour window of time where it was like, we went to an event that Christy wanted to go to and we went out to lunch afterward. But like that event that we went to with all these shops that Christy went to, it was like me and Lincoln and Lando were just kind of following her around and trying to keep a smile on our face while she enjoyed herself. Mother’s Day. But it’s like, and she was glad that we were there, but ’cause it was Mother’s Day. But if it was just her perfect day, she probably would’ve preferred to be shopping at those shops and then meet up with us later. So yeah, no harm, no foul here. My wife got back from our Mother’s Day outing and she said that might have been the best Mother’s Day I’ve ever had. Yeah. But how, and how was it for you and the boys? I mean you, so we went over to Santa Monica, went over to the West Side, had a little brunch at a place that’s right there on the beach. That’s good, brunch. And then we drove over to Abbott Kinney. Nice shops. And we just kind of- Expensive. We went up and down and it was more like Jessie’s going where she wants to go and we may go in with her or we may go to another place. And then we’ll kind of this roving thing- Yeah, that’s good. Where we kind of up with her. Yeah. And so, and I think that the boys had a pretty good time. They got, you know, got, get some pizza and stuff. We were there. We basically stayed out all day. That’s cool. Now for me, no shopping. Like, don’t, I don’t wanna go shopping. Okay. So I pick you up. What time you wanna be picked up? Probably 7:30, 8 o’clock. Eight o’clock. Eight o’clock. For your, you know, you don’t wanna waste a day. Now, I mean, besides the travel required to get across town, I, we’ve had some pretty good days that have started with surfing. Yeah. We haven’t done that in a while. It’s just we’re just kind of, we’re far away from the ocean. Yeah. Yeah. I’d like to do that. Now you never know what you’re gonna get- Might get hurt. With a surfing day. Yeah, it could be a dud. But I would say that, I mean, I’m not putting in requests, but for me, I think beginning the day would, you know- That’s what, you know what? I’m actually changing. All right. You’re planting the seat. All right, we’ll go surfing on your day. But here’s the thing. I’m gonna rent you a oceanfront house so you wake up. Wow. Now we did this. I don’t know when it was. In the middle of the pandemic when we were just having a hell of a time trying to be a family during the pandemic and having kids that were just so frustrated with not going to school and you know, not seeing their friends, my therapist who happens to be my wife’s therapist as well was like, “Hey, you guys really just need to like, go get change of scenery, right?” And we ended up, we rented a place. We haven’t been in LA for- I remember this. For 11 years and had, have never done this, but we rented like a one of those places, small, but like on the water in Malibu where the water, the waves are hitting the house at night. That’s nice. I don’t know about the owner and I don’t know what you do when the waves eventually take it down, but hey, I’ll rent it for a little bit. And I brought my paddle board and it was literally like, you would just, you could just wake up, go down some steps, you were on the beach, and then you’re in the water. Like it that’s a, that was a great way to start the day. So I’m gonna rent a beachfront condo or a place for you. But since this is our perfect day. Our perfect day. Well, like, we probably should both rent that and spend the night there the night before. Well, now, you got us starting in your own bed. That’s what you said. Crap. Why did I make that rule? Can I change it? But it’s just for the day. So it’s a little splurgy but yeah, you gotta home base so you can get off the beach and you can shower and you can have as many Topa Chicas as you want. I mean, I’m not saying, I’m not requesting anything, but, and then you move on to the next thing fully showered. Wash the sand out your butt cheeks. Okay, so at this point, I feel like we’re pretty on, I feel like my perfect day and your perfect day are kind of in line at this point. I’m- Well- I don’t have a smoothie routine. Yeah, I think yours is so much, is gonna be a lot, is gonna be pretty food-centric. I think you’re gonna care about breakfast, but we’re gonna be in a hurry. So you’re gonna wanna go through the McDonald’s drive through and get a sausage and egg McGriddles. Well, am I just accepting what you’re suggesting? That’s what I, yep. So we’re going through the McDonald’s drive through and getting a McGriddles. We’re not doing a sit down breakfast because boy, what I have in store for your perfect day, you’re not gonna want to delay. Okay. So I get a McGriddles. Yeah. Yeah. You love it, man. I mean- It’s a splurge. I mean, it’s like a caloric splurge. It’s rare to have something better than a McGriddles. Right. Even at like some sit down breakfast place, yeah, you don’t, you think you want it, but you don’t. You might have been thinking like- Thought I did. What did you think you wanted? Well, I was gonna say that- Just say it. I was gonna say that- Just say it. Typically, a perfect day for me is two meals. Like if I go home- All right, no food, no breakfast. Well, if I go- You’re gonna be hungry and we’re gonna eat lunch at like one and you’re gonna be starving, it’s gonna be so good. No lunch. When I go on vacation- All right, so you brunch and dinner. We eat brunch and dinner. Well, listen- Like really big brunches and really big dinners. No, that’s, it sucks up too much time to eat a really- What? But that’s what I wanna do. It’s not what you want. I love eating and I love going to cool places to eat. You wanna go to- I don’t like, I don’t want like my mom to come and like cook for me like if that’s what you’re asking. I love her cooking, but like, I like going to a restaurant, man. All right, fine. But we’re, I mean, we going after the physical, we’re gonna go surfing, and then the- There’s a physical? Your perfect day has to start with a physical. What? I gotta turn and cough. No, you gotta, I’m gonna drop you off. I’m gonna make a special, the first appointment they’ve got at the doctor. To make sure I can go? I just want you to be fully checked out. Like I just, you know, you never get around to it. You never get around to it. No, no, no. I’ve been fully checked out. And you need to be thoroughly checked out. I’m not gonna get a physical on my perfect day. Like, yeah, this is the most, this sounds horrible. Think about it. Dude, you’re a hypochondriac. You wanna be cleared. You wanna be cleared at the beginning of the day to be like, you know what? They’ve tested me for my blood, my semen, everything. I can prep for this. I can do a blood test and a physical and a semen test like a week ahead of time. No, because what happens in that week? And I ain’t talking about COVID here. I’m talking about much, much worse than that. Okay. Let me- I’m talking about cancer. Can I just say that, so- I’m thinking of your best, man. So far, I’ve, I’m chauffer you around, renting you a beach house in Malibu. And what you’ve done for me is you got me in McGriddles and a physical. I can’t. Yeah, man. I know the real you. Like, you’re gonna be so freed up. The McGriddles is a good idea. After that physical. Listen, the physical is unnecessary. Like, when that doctor comes out and is like, “Listen, man, I can, nothing. You’re totally clean.” Tell me about this doctor. He’s smart. He knows this stuff. It’s a he? It’s not even like a hot female doctor. What do you, I mean, it’s not- If you’re gonna make me do a physical, at least I need to find like a little, something needs to be fun. No, man, the fun is being cleared of all worry. You’re- But like I get anxiety at the doctor. I get, I have white coat blood pressure issues. So I just don’t think this is a, this is not getting me in the right mind space. And if they do find something, then it becomes like your last day on earth. Like it’s like, you know what? I got bad news. You have one day to live, but it’s like, well, good. You know what? This is your perfect day. Perfect. It’s a win-win. Okay, let me get back to what I’m doing for you. So you get done with your surfing session. Right there, I get into the bungalow, shower. Well, hold on. I plan this in such a way as you never know if the surf’s gonna be good and sometimes you can have a great time regardless, but we’re talking, I’m gonna plan this on a day when it’s like the waves are consistent. It’s smooth and glassy, not too big, so you’re not gonna get hurt and you just have those, you know, we’ve had a couple of days like that and it’s just a great way to start the day. Being on the water is a victory. It doesn’t matter. Well, I’m saying, I’m planning this on a day when there’s good surf. Then you come back into the house and I have hired just one of these like really good yoga people. You know what I’m saying? Maybe like just a masseuse. Well, hold on. Yeah, but the masseuse is part of it too. But this is a person who is like super comforting and relaxing guru like who, after you come in and do whatever you need to do shower wise, they’ve created this environment in this Malibu place where there, it’s like super soothing and there’s like this awesome playlist playing. No, you know what? I’m going all out. It’s not a playlist. It is a live- Flutist. It’s a live band that plays like spa music. I don’t wanna band watching me do yoga. They’re not. They’re all turned away from you. They’re all turned into the corner. Okay? They’re just there. Maybe they’re in the next room. This is strange. No, no, no. They’re- I feel strange. And there’s like, they there’s like. They make like, they make the kind of things that you, the kind of noises that you hear in this yoga music, but it’s all live and they’re doing that- A live sound bath. And this is a person of your choice. I mean, I can give you a list of, I’ve got multiple people ’cause I know how you are with people sometimes. And so I’ve given you like, I’ve hired four yoga instructors. And I’m supposed to look at ’em and choose one of ’em? No, no. They are on the other side of a one-way mirror that I’ve installed. So they know they’re being? No, no, no. I tell them something like, hey, this is a fun game I’m playing- You’ve been accused of a crime. They’re like, this is a fun game I play with my friend where I’m paying you full price for your day, all four of you, but only one of you is gonna be chosen because it’s a, he comes from a weird religion where he has to pick. It feels a little brothely. Okay. So you just want me to pick the person for you, because you might have a problem with them. Just. I don’t like their voice. You know, I want you to be able to see them. I appreciate what you’re trying to do. And then choose them. And then, okay, well, just say somehow, you choose that person. The band’s going, they’re doing their sounds. They come in and they lead you through just a really relaxing- Vinyasa. Stretching, little meditation. Very, very good stuff. Okay. And then that moves into, here comes a person. They set up a table and ask you to disrobe and get on it. Right? This is the massage part. And what we do is- Is this the exam? Mine’s just later. This is a, you thought you were wild with a four-hander, this is a six hand massage. So I’m talking three people, doesn’t have to be three women. In fact, it probably shouldn’t be based on how your four-hander went with two women. Yeah. So we’ve got three- I think it should be very inclusive. Okay. So you want two women, one man, what do you want? I just, it makes me uncomfortable. I don’t know why I’ve kind of positioned myself as a pimp in your day. I know. I know. It’s like- It’s like, this is not good. It’s like, I don’t wanna be a pimp. That’s not what I’m after in life. You seem good at it. But somehow, I’m like bringing people to you and you’re making choices. I’m sorry that it’s turned out this way on your perfect day. I do like a massage. So a six-hander massage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They just need to be, it’s all about, they need to be good at it. These are the best. It’s not about their gender. It’s not about their- This is the, they are the best. It’s not about how they look. It’s about what they can do to my body only. Okay. And sincerely. Okay. They need to be good with the pressure. They need to be able to like stay on that not- All this is part of it. Not pop off of it. Yeah. This is all part of it. They need to be good. Okay. We can move on. Well, shoot. I gotta, man, you’re- So- You’re very good at this. Yeah. Jessie’s listening. She’s like, well, why is this just once? So get Mother’s Day. You could be, this could be about me. It’s like, we’re digging ourselves a hole. Okay. We’re doing this one. Like, I’m not doing you right. So then Christy’s like, yeah, he’s saving up his plans for me. I don’t wanna show her that I’m like really creative and then I’ve been holding back on her. I don’t wanna show her that I’m really creative. You’re really digging a hole. I love it. You can’t just give up on me now. You know? Okay, so what- Lower the bar. So what’s happening on my, ’cause I’m also at the beach house. You’re at the beach house. Yeah. And then- Maybe a different day. You don’t like, I think you like yoga more than a massage. Are you in, are you really designing your own day here too? Is this working for you? Well, I mean, I expected there to be some crossover. To me, it’s more about, at this point for you, I think when you get off the beach, like, you’ve exerted yourself. The thing you want to do is eat. Yeah. So I think that’s really- But I still got that McGriddles rolling around in there. I think that’s really, you burned that off, man. I think you want a, well, I, in one sense, it’s like a buffet. But you don’t, buffet is not classy. Amen. Classy. So it’s, I mean, if you all right, so I’m a, you got, there’s a one-way mirror on the other side of it. There’s like five chefs. Now you’re talking. Now see, I’m choosing the masseuse based on skills. You’re choosing the chef based on cuisine. They’re all like six star chefs. Well, okay, I’m glad you’re doing this but six star is not a thing. Now, one thing I will say is one of the best, I have found that one of the things I really like is, and I’ve only done this like a couple of times in my life. I have an idea. But I went to this, there was a weird restaurant on the West Side where you kind of went into this like mall and you went up these stairs and it was kind of like a speakeasy, and I think I talked about this on the show. But there was this weird door and you like knocked on it. And then you went into this Michelin Star restaurant and the guy, and it was very small. It could sit like 16 people and the chef who was this famous chef who had moved from Chicago to start this restaurant in LA, made, did a 12-course meal and talked to you personally about each thing. That’s not gonna happen for you. What? That’s what I want. Here’s what’s gonna happen. These six chefs are gonna, as you’re trying to choose- Are they sick chefs or are they six chefs? Both. And as you’re trying to choose which one you want, you can interview them through a microphone that disguises your voice. One-way mirror. And they’re each like telling you what they can do. Because if we install a one-way mirror in the condo, we should probably use it for both the masseuse- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The yoga thing and the chef thing. Right, and then, so like, you’ve asked them each a few questions, you’ve cracked a few jokes. They’re all laughing at your jokes. I know that’s important to you. I’ve instructed them to laugh at your jokes. I don’t wanna be put on the- Well. I don’t wanna be put on the spot. You don’t know that I’ve instructed them to do that. They’re really into your jokes. I don’t like manufactured laughter. Once you’ve interviewed all six and like, you’re still kind of torn because these are all like top-notch chefs. Are they telling me like what the menu options are? Yeah. They’re telling you whatever you wanna know. We have a Southwest brush or whatever. To make your decision. At that point, they all rush towards the wall and they kick it down and they say, “You don’t have to choose. We’re each gonna vie for your approval.” And then the first one brings out a little morsel and it describes it and you- So it’s a chef’s competition show and I’m the judge? Yes, and you’re eating it and you’re like cracking a few jokes. And then- What does that come from? The next chef comes out and is like, topping that. And like, they’re really competitive with each other. Is it a show, is this being filmed? No. This isn’t a pilot? No. Okay. I want it to be. I don’t wanna feel any pressure. This is just for you. This is your day. Okay. Nobody’s watching. Are you there? Yeah. Where are you? Getting a massage. So it’s just literally happening in the same building? Yeah. And then, I mean, they’re like being, they’re like aggressively competitive with each other. Like, they are starting to hate each other and they’re like, you think they’re gonna fight? And the things they’re saying to each other are just horrible, but the things they’re saying to you are amazing. And then it’s like, you’re watching a reality show where they’re like, are they gonna pull each other’s hair out? You know, it’s like. It doesn’t have to get violent. Well, it gets a little trashy. So this is where the reality show part of it comes in. They start making out with each other in a hot tub. Okay. It’s like, there’s like, you know, all the things in on those shows that you watch. So is one of them like a “Mail Order Bride”? Yeah. Mail order chef. Okay. So we got like “90-Day Fiance”. I like this. Right, they’re like, all these chefs are just like, they’re either fighting or they’re like making out and- But they’re all making great food? And they’re all making the best food you ever had. Hold on. All different types of cuisines. I think you may have inadvertently like created an experience that I want to actually create for people. You go to a restaurant and the people make the food for you and they’re all fighting and making out and stuff. Yeah. You like the idea. See. This is a great, is it- I know. Hold on. Isn’t this, this is like, just going to that Beverly Hills restaurant that what’s her name owns, the woman from the show. Good. Well, I’ll just take you there. What’s the show? “Vanderpump”. Yeah. “Vanderpump.” This is like just going to at least a Vanderpump’s restaurant, which I’ve never, can you believe I’ve never been there? Man. Well, we’re going there for dinner. But I wanna be the only one there. Right. Shut it down. Where’s my wife? Because I would want my wife to be there for that for sure. Okay. Fine. She’s there, poof. All of a sudden she’s there. You press a button, you press the wife button, she comes up out of the floor. There’s a wife button? Yeah. Yeah. And she comes- You press it, and she comes up and you press it again, she goes down. Yeah. Yeah. She’s, I wouldn’t call it a cage. Hey, hey, listen- But she can’t get out. Listen. Listen, listen, no. What? I’m just asking. You’re digging holes for me that I’m not, I don’t wanna dig. You asked for a cage. You want Jessie to be a cage? Well, is it like a stripper cage? I don’t know what those are. If it’s like a, if it’s like a sexy stripper cage. She can get out. She knows, and of course, it’s not locked from the outside or anything. It’s all. Yeah. Yeah. So she can be there. So that’s there. Okay. My wife is hanging from a sexy cage. It doesn’t hang, it comes out the floor. Well, I think once it comes out of the floor, then it attaches to something and then it hangs. She swings. That’s sexier. Yeah. Yeah. And she can get, and she goes wherever she wants, she wants to stay up there and dance or she wants to open the cage and come sit next to me, either thing, because that’s her day, you know. She’s, this isn’t her perfect, this is definitely not her perfect day. No. But I’m saying, as she relates to me in my perfect day- She would enjoy watching this. She still maintains all her own will. Okay. And then we gotta get back to you. So it’s a culinary orgy. Like IFC. Not IFC, UFC. So they’re having sex, the chefs are having sex? Well, I don’t know what they do on these trashy shows you watch. Well, there’s nobody filming this. They could do lots of things. Hey, it’s your day, man. I don’t know about that though. I don’t think they should have sex. I think they just make out. I mean, it’s up to you, and to them. Okay. Like, consent is always a part of this. Of course. I know. This is all hypothetical. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right. But it is gonna happen. Okay. So, you know what? You just called up with my perfect day. I’ve surpassed it. And maybe you’ve surpassed it. Yeah. So now I gotta get back to you. Now I’m trying to think of, because I want what I’m gonna, what I’m sort of requesting for my day, which I’m now go, in terms of a categories, I feel like there’s another, there’s an afternoon activity. And so I’m trying to think what is the afternoon activity? You know, first of all, we haven’t even talked about food yet for you. So, well, you just want another smoothie? You just wanna be filled up with another smoothie, like a second smoothie? I mean, I could probably go for a cheeseburger at this point. Okay. So you want a cheeseburger? Yeah. A really good one. Where from? Like a, you know, like a Shake Shack. You want a Shake Shack burger for lunch? Yeah. Okay. That could probably be arranged. All right. Great. It’s a little easier than six chefs that are gonna screw each other when they make food. I said they were gonna fight. Okay. You’re right. Okay. I’m sorry. I said they were like- My mind is- It was very competitive. It is wandering. Okay, so what are we gonna do in the, what are you gonna do in the afternoon? Now, you’re a big mountain biker guy. I’m very, yeah. I wouldn’t say I’m the best at it, but I do really enjoy it. Okay. I can do this. That’s, it’s very strenuous though. I got it for you. I’m getting a chopper. There’s a helipad on top of the cottage. We can get a helipad. We can get one of those Malibu places that’s got a helipad. This is just one night. We can do that. And if also, if you’re gonna, I’ve got the whole six chefs thing happening on one side- So it’s a helipad. So it’s a big, big- It’s a helicopter with like a mountain bike attached to it? Your mountain bike. The pilot shows up. He’s like, “You point at a mountain, I will take you there, you roll down it, and then I pick you up and you point at another mountain.” Wow. That’s what your afternoon is. That’s pretty cool, man. That’s pretty cool. Do you want a friend? Do you want your friend, your buddy, Nick, to come along or do you wanna do it, ’cause he’s like, feels like he might keep you safe? Sure. Yeah. Now that you’ve, I mean, I can’t say no at this point. He’s listening. Okay. So that’s your afternoon. You can just literally never have to pedal. It’s just all downhill mountain biking. But not too aggressive. What, you point at the mountain. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you tell the chopper, you’re like, “Anytime I get uncomfortable, I’m gonna shoot a flare.” You’re given a flare and he just comes, well, you can’t shoot a flare in the mountain in California. I could be connected by a tether to the copter and he could be, so that way, if I fall off the bike, it’s taught enough that I don’t injure myself. That’d be cool. You want a tether? I want a tether. I don’t know if I can work that out. I want a chopper tether. You want a chopper tether? That sounds like very dangerous. I don’t think I should do the tether. I’m just saying, ’cause I think this is feasible. All right, we got that. So that’s good. Because like, you can go to ski resorts in the summer and you can take the lift up, but that takes time. Yeah. And then you’re mountain biking back down. So what are you gonna do next? What is it you want to do? I mean, you’ve just eaten. You probably wanna go somewhere and eat again. No, not yet. Okay. I could give you some hints. I think maybe you wanna, maybe you want to, I think you want to go to a place that no one has access to. Yes. Exactly! You know me so well. I was gonna say, I want to go to a place that no one has access to. Really? Yeah, exactly that. I love that kind of thing. So, but I mean, we’re talking LA. There’s like parts of, there’s gotta be parts of LA that nobody, is off limits. Like if you have to go through this culvert- It’s definitely underground. Coming from like the LA River, and then you’re gonna go underneath Dodger Stadium where like, you know, Mickey Rooney had like a lounge. Sure. Nooks and crannies. I love nooks and crannies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I don’t like some tour guide and then like a family from Ohio- So you’re given a headlamp and- To be with me while it’s happening. And a map. What? A headlamp and a map. No, I need a, I want to, I, no. You do want a guide? I want a guide. I just don’t want a tour guide. You know what I’m saying. I don’t, this is not a sanctioned tour. This is like an expert. Okay. Like I read about those French catacombs under Paris, or as we say, Paris, and- There’s an LA version of that, I’m sure. There’s gotta be something in LA. I wanna know that. I wanna know about this stuff and I wanna be down there. I also like visiting places, like nice places that you, like, I’ve always wanted to go to the Biltmore Estate with nobody else there, you know? Okay. Like. So you come out of the other end of the tunnel system. You may have to take a shower. We’ll have a portable shower for you. And there will be snacks. Okay. Like little smokies. Like ever so often, the- Appetizers, yeah. The, your guide, your Sherpa, he’s gonna give you little smokies. What about those little meatballs that your mom makes in the jelly? Yeah. My mom will make you her meatballs. She will not be there. Okay. Cheeseboard. She gonna have to ship ’em. All right. When you come out at the other end of the tunnel, it’s that, in Beverly Hills, there’s that castle there. There’s that really nice mansion that you can go and I can’t remember what it’s called. It’s like, there’s an estate in Beverly Hills. You’re gonna pop out there and that’s been shut down and you- Just for me. You can go around there and you can, you’re gonna find which room you’re gonna have your conjugal visit in. Okay, so I hit the wife button again. This is when, hit the wife button, and she’s gonna come out, she’s gonna come up in the- Okay. This is good. ‘Cause I was about, I was thinking, it’s about time for that. Yeah. Right. Yeah. So you come out of the, I mean the traversing the tunnel has taken a while. You’re in the like, it’s like the West Coast Build More. It’s in the Beverly Hills. How come I don’t know about this? Look that up. I don’t know what it is. It’s like some sort of estate mansion Beverly Hills. This sounds cool, man. Yeah, and then it’s like, you can, any bed you want, any hard surface, multiple surfaces. We can make love in multiple rooms. Yeah. Yep. Okay. You and your wife, just to clarify. Yeah, yeah. I will not be there. My wife and I will make love in multiple rooms. Right. It’s like, you never know what they can do with the edit of this thing. Yeah. Right. They edit this stuff down. Yeah. Yeah. They put it on TikTok. The Tumblr folks will have a ball with that one. Put it on TikTok. They put it on Twitter. Are you finding it? Greystone. Greystone. Greystone? Greystone Mansion. Greystone mansion. Mansion? Mansion. You’ll love it. Okay. The gardens are even amazing. I was gonna say, I love gardens. Well, you know, you could have a little. I’m a sucker for gardens, man. Huntington Gardens. Have a little smoke break in the gardens. I spend all day there. But it’s the part I don’t like is the other people. No other people are there. I love this. Get lost in the hedges. Yes. And then- Can the six chefs come back to the mansion? Nope. No, that’s over. That’s over. It’s never gonna be as good as it was the first time. Okay. Well, what’s the new food? Well, you know what? Hold on. So yeah. Okay. We’re not to that. Yeah, ’cause I’ve got you in mountain biking, you’ve had a tough day. I need, I really need, yeah. I might need to get cleaned up. Well, after you’ve, what’s the coolest way to get cleaned up, you know? Like, what’s the most enjoyable way to get cleaned up? Sponge bath. Hot tub. Hot tub, okay. Hot tub. So, okay. I’m not in a convalescent home. That’s simple . You come back to the- Sponge bath. You come back. You gonna go to a new place. Do you wanna go to a new place? ‘Cause I can rent two places. Yeah. I don’t wanna go back to that place. Yeah. That place is old. Old news now. They kicked the wall down. It’s like it’s in shambles. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That place is a piece of crap now. Yeah. Don’t wanna go back to it. So we’re going to a new place. You know, I kind of feel like you might be ready for like a little bit of a crowd. You know, like you may want to go a party of your handpicked friends and- I think it’s too early for that. That, it’s still daylight. I was thinking this is like five or six o’clock. No, it’s, I’m trying to create a dinner situation for you. Yeah. I gotta eat something. A dinner and evening situation. Well, I mean, I did give you a hint in your thing. I kind of need my version of- You have to hit the wife button too. Yeah. And okay, well, I mean that’s easy. Afternoon delight, they call it. It, I think at one of the tops of the mountains, because you like to have sex outdoors, your wife is there on one of those blankets that y’all like. Okay. I mean, maybe there’s a- And because Christy is- A yurt. And because Christy is scared, just logistics, I hate to go off on logistics, because Christy is scared of flying, she’s been sedated like BA Baracus. Oh God. And she’s- She’s tethered down from the ‘copter? Well- She fall floppy. I’m just saying she didn’t know, like she knew she was gonna be at the top of the mountain and she’s now there and she’s awake when you show up. Well, she’s gonna be groggy, man. I’m just saying, no, no. Well, I’m just saying she’s totally at ease because she was sedated. What, you’re doing it again. This is such a, there’s no need to go down this path. I’m just saying- Drugging my own wife for a conjugal visit. No, no, no. It’s unnecessary and seems wrong. You’re using, the terms you’re using are all wrong. I’m saying that- The writing’s on the wall, man. Okay. Better idea. You roll down. This is good. You pick, there’s one mountain. I don’t think I’m gonna take the bike down the last time. No, no, but you know- I am gonna come down, but I’m gonna come down on something else. A horse? Yeah. Really? That’s a good idea. Well, what were you thinking? A horse. Okay. Imma gallop down the mountain on a horse. You come down the mountain on a horse that has been sedated and put at the top of the mountain. I mean it’s, somebody’s gotta get sedated here, just logistically, okay? I mean- And then you come down. Someone else could have ridden it up. Right, but here’s, this is where the Beverly Hills aspect comes in for you. So have you noticed that like when you’re hiking up in like Runyon canyon and that part of town, there’s these super rich people who have these giant estates and they’ve got like trails that come off of the main trail and you can- Yeah. So you horse it down one of these trails and you go into like the nicest backyard that I can get somebody to agree to let me in. And we have created a scene where it looks like you are riding your horse into the garden of Eden, okay? So I’m naked? You’re, well, you have a choice to do what you want, but your wife is only wearing fig leaves, and she is there. She’s surrounded by fruit. Do fig leaves get sticky or just the figs? She’s surrounded by figs and she’s wearing fig leaves. Great. Leaves. She’s like Eve, right? Yeah. And we’ve got the garden of Eden theme in the back and there’s, and we’ve got trained animals in pairs. Okay. So a little Noah’s Ark too. I’m just throwing a lot of biblical references. Okay. Yeah. Because you’re gonna get to know her in the biblical sense in the back of this backyard, okay? So you come down and you’re washed in a very, you know. I get off the horse and I’m like, I’m being like hosed down. There’s a group of people who drop you into a bath to like a clawfoot tub with heated water. Like just kind of a, it’s a little bit of a hot tub situation. Okay. Yeah. Getting you ready. You know, like getting the, this is like getting the king ready to go into the room. Milk bath? Any kind of liquid you want that I can get hold of. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Except mercury. And then you have an outdoor visit with your wife. The horse turns around, turns away. Okay. The horse doesn’t watch. Nothing makes me horny like looking at the ass end of a horse. And then- I don’t care if the horse watches. Okay. And then from there is where we start moving into the evening activities. Yeah. Yeah. Okay? Well, you’re skipping a step here. No, I gotta clean up. No. I mean the perfect day for me has to include a nap. Okay, well, you make love and you fall asleep in your wife’s arms. Yeah. Outside. We’ve got like mosquito candles so you’re not gonna get bitten by anything. No, no, no. You can sleep outside. There’s a breeze. It’s exactly the breeze that you want. Okay. You take a nap. Like a 90-minute nap. As long as you want. Yeah. I mean, I’m willing to give up 90 minutes of my perfect day to just be in Slumberland. Okay. Back to me. What are you doing for me? Where did we leave you off? You’re in the- I’m in the Greystone mansion by myself, lost. Link, where are you? It’s taken us 90 minutes. No, no. So you gotta wait for 90 minutes. No, no. For me to wake up. I’m with my wife. We’ve made love in every room, if I can do that. Well, you’ll be allowed to, but you won’t be, you may not be capable. We’ve made room in. We made love in half of the rooms, however far I got. You did not pull that off. Okay. It’s the thought that counts, you know. I have a very specific idea of what I want to happen now. I mean- Just so you know. You’re gonna get into an outfit. Like I think the outfit matters to you. The outfit matters to me. I’m not the one wearing matching suits in the, doing the DJ set. Hey, I’m just, I’m playing in seeds. Okay, you’re right. I’m in an outfit. Got it. Yeah. You’re in your outfit. It’s got a big collar. Okay. What, what? Well, there’s something, there’s a place I’m trying to lead you. What have I been talking about lately is what I want to do as I get older and also when I wanna start doing like on a semi-regular basis here in LA with? Pedicures. Your toes need work, man. No. Socially. Okay. So you want to have afternoon coffee with an author? No, no, no, no. I told you about my idea for these, me engineering these social. Yeah, soirees, like a conversational soiree where- And I gave you the example of the one that I heard about my wife share with me on Twitter ’cause she knows I’m into this idea and I’m trying to begin curating these experiences. I’m really into this idea. Well, was I inebriated when you told me this? Now hold on. I’ll remember it. I’ve talked about it multiple times. Yeah. This is a themed party with an assignment. And you want me to take your idea as if it’s mine and then give it back to you? Well- ‘Cause I remember it. Well, my idea- Don’t, you can’t say it. No, it’s not- I’m planning your perfect day. It’s not my idea. The example idea was somebody on Twitter who already did it. Rhett is going to show up at an amazing event space and let you know what, we’ve been, you’re in the hills. I’m trying to figure out where the locale is. I think you’re on a rooftop event space as the sun sets where the most interesting people that fascinate you show up from all walks of life and they’ve each prepared their assignment, which is a PowerPoint presentation. Okay . I think you have to, can I just give the context? Because I think you- It’s an- I wanna give the context and I want you to come up with the, what I want you to do is come up with the theme. Okay, whatever. Plan your day, man. No, no. I want you to come up with what the theme is ’cause- Go ahead. Go ahead. Okay, so I told my wife, I’ve been talking about this, that as I get older, one of the things I’m interested in doing is curating social settings for people to do weird things in that are just funny and interesting. Now this is why we have game night in our house, which we haven’t had since the pandemic. But like the reason we have it is I love like getting people together, eating something interesting or fun and then doing something fun together. And I just kind of, I love partaking, but I also just kind of love curating it and watching it happen, right? Yeah. And my wife sent me this Twitter post where a woman was like, I just went to something called Parm and PowerPoint. Right. Where the theme of the party was you show up and everyone eats chicken parm and then everyone has prepared a short PowerPoint presentation in a niche area of their knowledge. And when you get there, they mix ’em all up and you have to do the PowerPoint presentation- Of somebody else. From somebody else for the whole group. Isn’t that brilliant? Ain’t that so fun? And I love this. I love this kind of. I’ve come up with one that I’m calling Milk Shakespeare. That’s my first idea, where we all have alcoholic milkshakes. And then we all are given assignments and you divide up into small groups and you do Shakespeare themed plays of with a theme and like a rule, like a stipulation. Like you draw a theme and a stipulation then you go with your little group and you write it and then you come and I’ll perform it inebriated with each other on these drunk milkshakes. So that’s- Okay, on these drunk milkshakes. I’m gonna do that for our game night by the way. Do you feel like you can’t just do the PowerPoint thing ’cause I, that’s also- No, I want you to come up with a new one because you’re planning my day. I don’t, I can’t do Parm and PowerPoint because that’s already been done. Every time I do it, it’s gonna be different. And I got this vision. When I’m old, I just wanna have a place where, again, it makes me sound like a pimp. I don’t, I’m not trying to sound like a pimp or like Hugh Hefner or something, but I just wanna be an old guy who curates experiences. You wanna be a king. Right? And then I sit in the corner, smoking a pipe and I’m like, this is a great PowerPoint. You know, I just wanna, I just love the idea of people doing crazy stuff. The Shakespeare resonates with a different type of person than the PowerPoint. That’s the beauty of it. And so then over time, I just don’t think, I think the PowerPoint should still be on the table. That’s my humble request is that you say, hey- You start with PowerPoint? That’s a good one too, man. It is. It’s better than the Milk Shakespeare. Yeah. I think it’s better than Shakespeare, but that’s just my personal preference. Like Jenna likes the Shakespeare. She likes Milk Shakespeare. But like getting together and doing drama stuff is, it’s an acquired taste for some people. But- And, but so is giving a PowerPoint. But I love watching people come out of their shell and do things like- Unless they don’t. But when you have a PowerPoint, like you have some structure and then if you’re struggling through it, it’s still there. You have a backbone that’s like. Yeah, yeah, or we just come up with a whole new one. Yeah. Like Sausage and Sashay. Yeah. Whatever that is. Yeah. It’s when when you eat sausages and then you have to- Do a little sashay? You have to do a little, you have to invent a dance. Invent a dance. But the brilliance is that you’ve prepared something that then somebody else gets. Like that’s what really puts the parm and PowerPoint over the top. The moment that you told me that they switch ’em up, it became a brilliant idea because they- Yeah, that’s what makes it great. Everybody is out of their comfort zone equally, give or take. What I’m telling you is that, that is an idea. And there are an unlimited, infinite number of great ideas. Well, you actually thought about it and only came up with Shakes and Shakespeare. Shakes, Milk Shakespeare. And- And that’s the, I mean, now just I farted that idea. I’m just wanna saying, like, do you know that movie about- There’s something else you could prepare. What’s the name of that movie where the woman marries into the family and they have her over at the house and then they try to kill her? It’s a horror movie that’s kind of funny. But like that family has this crazy thing that they do. I don’t wanna do that ’cause I don’t want anybody to die, but like I’ve always loved the idea of like these, even if it’s like a murder mystery kind of thing. Yeah. But, and I’ve never been been to one, and I’ve never been a part of one. So I wanna go to like the most awesome version of that. That’s how I want to end my day with the people that I love. I love that. And then also some just interesting people who you might be able to get to show up. Yeah. You might have to pay ’em. I definitely like, like I like dinner with some close friends. We’re now planning our own days, but then move into something that’s more of an event. Well, do you want to just maybe our days end at this event together? Yeah. I like that. That’s sweet. Parm and PowerPoint. Or something better that we haven’t thought of yet. Yeah. Switching it up is what’s so brilliant. Yeah, but the, I’m just saying, that was a great idea, but we can have a better idea. You wanna take credit for the idea. No, I’m just saying, I like the idea of every time people show up- It’s different. It’s different. I get that. Okay, so you’ve recovered from making love with your wife in the garden. I’ve recovered from making love with my wife in multiple rooms in a mansion. We are taken to, with our wives, to this incredible event space where we meet the friends that we love. And then some like other interesting people that have been paid off to be there. Yeah, like an author. Yeah. A scientist. Somebody who studied something really interesting. Yeah, like a highly rated plumber. Yeah. No influencers. No influencers. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Stay away from them. Yeah. And you know what, every, all the chefs can show up. The chefs come back. And like the masseuses and yoga people. They’re all there. Like the guy, everybody’s here. It’s like the end of a movie. Yeah. Yeah, the helicopter pilot comes in. Yeah, yeah. The horse. Yes, the horse is there. The horse is inside. People are like riding the horse. This is such a big house. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. This is great. The horse is there. I love that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And we, and it, this goes into, like- This goes until we pass out. To like three in the morning. Yeah. I’m not big into passing out. I don’t ever get so drunk that I pass out. In fact, it’s never happened, but I think- Yeah, I’m not, I’ve never done it either and I don’t wanna. I think I might do it tonight. I don’t want. I mean, not tonight. On this night, I might get so drunk that I pass out. I don’t want the day after my perfect day to be the worst day. Well, one of those masseuses comes up and like hooks you up to like an IV and gives you a vitamin B shot in your ass and stuff as you go to sleep. You’ll be fine. Okay. All right. Hey, that’s it. We ended it. That was fun, man. I mean, part of it, there’s a therapy to this, like. We gotta do this now. Part of it made me feel like I experienced it. Yeah. Like, I actually feel some endorphins. I feel some psychosomatic positivity. This has been good. Yeah, man. Don’t blow it with your Rec. And I feel like we could engineer at least a portion of that, you know? Yeah. I think we could. It’s like, why not make that happen? Why not make that a reality? Yeah. Okay, 1-888-EARPOD1. Call in and let us know what you think about that. I have a Rec that is a little unusual. And my Rec, ironically, is that I think if you have something that’s hurting on you, you should go to the doctor. And this is why I’m gonna, this is why I’m telling you this. See? So I think I’ve disclosed that my right shoulder has been bothering me. And if, and it’s been bothering me for like 15 years. Like I haven’t been able to really throw a baseball in the same way. You can see that in the evidence of when we threw the pitches out at the Dodger Stadium and mine bounced before it got to the plate. ‘Cause I was kind of, I can’t, I can’t get my arm back anymore. And, you know, but I’m not, I don’t need to throw things very often, right? And so it’s just kind of like, this is just something I’ll deal with. I don’t wanna go to the doctor ’cause I don’t want them to tell me that I need surgery ’cause I’m not gonna get surgery, and what else am I gonna do? So I went to an orthopedist who was like, you know, “I think you should just, we should just do a few weeks of physical, you know, like six weeks of physical therapy.” Yeah. To see if that starts fixing things. And I went to a physical therapist who really got committed to trying to figure out what was wrong. Very much like I, you probably had a tear at some point and it’s kind of stiffened up here in the back and you’ve got some impingement, whatever. Long story short is that I’ve just been doing these exercises. And like with every day that passes, the mobility comes back, right? What? It’s that simple. I talked about going to the physical therapist and fixing my shoulder. I’ve talked about going to a physical therapist all the time on this show. I, well, I understand that. But for some reason- I was recommending it constantly by implying it. But for some reason I, well, first of all, I’ve always known that I should be doing this. Yeah. But, and the reason I’m making it a Rec is because somebody out there, this is like one of those preachers, somebody out there right now, you hear, you hear- Needs to go to physical therapy. This is for you. You need to come up front and give your life to Jesus. Give your to the physical therapist. What you need to do actually is you need to go to the doctor. If you’ve got something that’s like, that’s kind of bothering me a little bit. This is a funny rec, man. Just go. Go to the doctor. You know? Go to the doctor, get it checked out. Because sometimes this as simple as here’s a list of exercises that you can do that are going to improve your life. And maybe you’ll, I might even be throwing a baseball in a few weeks. Hey, Who knows, man? What a great day. I just had a great day. Hashtag #earbiscuits. 1-888-EARPOD1. To watch more “Ear Biscuits”, click on the playlist on the right. To watch the previous episode of “Ear Biscuits”, click on the playlist to the left. And don’t forget to click on the circular icon to subscribe. If you prefer to listen to this podcast, it’s available on all your favorite podcast platforms. Thanks for being your mythical best.