Welcome to “Ear Biscuits,” the podcast where two lifelong friends talk about life for a long time. I’m Rhett. And I’m Link. This week at the round table of dim lighting, we’re still sexing it up in ‘tember, Sextember, episode 2. ‘Tember! We have asked you what’s on your mind. Hey, well, you wanna pick our brains about sex? Let us know, we’ll answer some of your questions, some of your voicemails, if you ever wanna call us and leave us a voicemail. We know a thing or two about sex. And we’ll listen to it. How many times do you think you’ve had sex? Total? Yeah. I don’t want to do math. Okay. I don’t wanna start thinking about- You wanna start keeping up with it? You know, they- I’ll start keeping a log. I think one of the things we’re gonna talk about.. Keeping a log. Is gonna get to some of that, the frequency of it. I don’t know if you ever remember being told this. I was told by several folk right when I got married, they were like, “If you take a jar, and you put a penny in the jar for every time you have sex in your first-year of marriage, and then, in your second-year of marriage, you start taking a penny out of that jar every time you have sex, you’ll never empty that jar.” And I was like, that ain’t true. What? That ain’t gonna be true for me, and that’s definitely not true for me. Meaning that, more in the first year than the second year, or for the rest of your coupling. They said, “For the rest of your marriage.” What was the point of that? I don’t know. A penny save is a penny earned, I don’t know. I don’t know what the point was, Link. I think the point was, they were saying that you have a lot of sex when you first get married and then it tapers off very quickly, and I did not find that to be true. I had a lot of sex when I first got married. Because we hadn’t had any before that. Right. We had a lot of build up. Just kept having a lot of sex. I don’t remember how much sex we had in our first year of marriage. I do know, in general, our first-year of marriage was difficult. There’s lots of things you’re adjusting to. I wasn’t good at it, I’ll tell you that right now. But I was having it. I just mean, just you expand to everything relationally. I wasn’t good at marriage either. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I wasn’t. I had to figure out how to live with another person, and not only just be with another person sexually. Right. So, I have to think there was a lot to navigate and that leads to sometimes not having sex. But maybe now we could get jars, and maybe, you know what? All right listen, let’s not get pennies. Yeah. Let’s do quarters. No, let’s do silver dollars. And then, for a year, we put a silver dollar into our individual jars, the family jar, the McLaughlin family, and the Neil family, and then, whoever wins at the end of the year gets all the money. In the jars? And then, we take it out, we go on a big dinner. It doesn’t make sense for us to go on a double date and then use all the quarters to pay. Because, I think, the person who looses has to pay for dinner and the person who won just gets to do whatever they want to with the money. Well, because this is definitely and absolutely a healthy exercise, I am totally in. We are going to turn our sexual frequency into a competition. A competition. Jenna, do you want in on this? No. No. I don’t either. This is right in line with the first tweet so I’m gonna read it. From Lizette, “Would you rather have quickie sex every day for the next year for less than 30 seconds?” That’s Lizette’s definition of quickie sex. Less than 30 seconds. That’s real quickie. Good, gosh. I mean, what is the actual? That’s a super quickie. That’s not, it’s too.. That’s like gorilla. Gorillas have sex real fast. Okay. I guess, ’cause they gotta protect everybody. It’s just like a medical injection. And I believe that gorilla’s penis is very, very small compared to what you would think. Okay. The penis is really, really small on a gorilla. That’s what I’ve heard, at least. I don’t like it when you say penis. I love it and anytime a guy wants to do anything, I’ll just be like, “But tell me about your penis.” You love it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I think it’s slightly emasculating in a fun way. Yeah, it’s a technical term. It’s a technical term. Penis. Penis. If it was penis, it would’ve two E’s or an A. E-A, penis. It’s penis. So, would you rather have sex every day for a year and it’d be a quickie? It’s every day. 30 second or less. And I’m gonna define a quickie. A quickie is like, to me, is.. Insert, thrust, cum as fast as you can. When I think of a quickie, I think of that being, 13 minutes. ITC. Okay. Okay, Mr, Big Shot. What are you talking about? 9 minutes? No, dude. Have you ever seen a movie? Okay, I’m talking about… Well, they edit movies. Hold on. A quickie is just like.. What is the starting point in your 13-minute affair that you’re talking about here? Okay, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’m talking about like. I’m not talking about… I’m talking about, like, from the moment that you get naked. So, there’s an alignment. That takes some time. Well, how long does that take? What I’m saying is that, like, you’re in a library? Well, no, you’re not in a library. You’re in your own personal library. I’m thinking about like a movie. You’re in a library after hours, right? And then- Well, it’s not 30 seconds. We agree on that. You lock eyes with someone. And then the next thing you know, you’re passionately kissing. And then, within 30 seconds you’re naked. Yes. It’s in there. When does the time start? When it’s in there or when the clothes come off or when you start making out? First of all, I have to concentrate to last a long time. I mean, it feels so good. Well, yeah. And so, what I’m saying is if it.. I wasn’t saying 13 minutes of in and outs. Well, okay, but what is the rest of it? Well, how long are you thrusting in a quickie? Okay. Four minutes. I could get it done in less than a minute if I needed to. Yes, I could. I know I could. I could. I definitely could. And when pressed, listen, I can go gorilla mode if you need me to, you know what I’m saying? If we’re being hunted, if this is an end of the world kind of thing, and it’s been put on my back to repopulate the planet, which would not be possible because I’ve been snipped. I’m just saying, and I gotta be real fast. I’m on watch, you know what I mean? I might be able to get it done in less than 45 seconds. 13 minutes. What are you trying to prove? You know, what I was really thinking was I don’t think we really have quickies where it’s just for me, basically. Well, yeah. So, I guess we don’t have quickies. Okay, okay. So, sidebar conversation. So, my wife and I have an understanding, and that understanding I would say includes the vast majority, and I would say, at least nine out of 10, probably more realistically, 19 out of 20 times that we have sex, it is, she cums first. Yeah. And then, that 5% or less is reserved for what we would call a quickie. If she’s gonna cum, she cums first every single time. So, a quickie in our relationship is defined by, she knows I’m just going for it. Yeah. And in those cases- I don’t like… Okay, go ahead. I’m sorry. Well, hold on now. Mr. 13 minutes. And you’re about to say, “I don’t like doing that.” Oh, come on. You don’t like doing that? Is that what you’re about to say? Of course, that’s why 95% plus of the time, because I want her to experience the joy of sex. But if she’s like, “Okay, we don’t have time. It’s fine, we’re about to go to bed and I know you really wanna have sex right now.” It’s an understanding. She doesn’t make me feel bad about it. What I’m saying is that, in those cases, because we have an ongoing conversation about this, I really enjoy it because I’m still having sex. I’m not saying I wouldn’t enjoy it, I just don’t prefer it. So, I’m like, “You know, I’ll just wait.” Okay, that sounds like a different conversation. Yeah. That’s what it is. I don’t prefer it. Honestly, for me, one of the things that I talked about in the last episode was that, there’s an animalistic element to it. We are animals at our core. It almost defines what humanity is. You know what I’m saying? It’s just like all of life is just propagating itself. I like the animalistic thing, I don’t consider that a quickie. A totally one-sided quickie. I’m saying that specifically, just not something that I prefer. But, yeah, if there’s something where we’re both into it. I didn’t say I preferred it. I’m not talking about you at all. Don’t be defensive. I’m not saying I prefer it. I’m just saying my thing. But what I’m saying is that in my mind, again, it’s just like we are in the wild. We are in the jungle. Anything could happen. Somebody could sneak up on us at any time. We gotta fuck! I’m just saying that’s a special circumstance. And I just think maybe you should look into and just enjoying it. It doesn’t need to become a regular thing, the majority of the time. And obviously, only if your partner agrees. But I’m just saying that I feel like this conversation is set up to make it seem like I’m being selfish because I enjoy a very occasional quickie. And I’m saying that I don’t see it that way. Well, first of all, I’m not setting up any conversation. So, get over yourself. I’m just saying that that could be how this could be interpreted. Okay. So, you’re saying that you wouldn’t enjoy it. I mean, you wanna both be into it. I haven’t had a good definition of quick. You started with 13 minutes. Right. Because I’ve been thinking something totally different. So, what were you thinking? That she would still cum first. Okay, but I think that Lizette, and I, and most people were probably thinking, Yeah, yeah, yeah. I understand that. for less than 30 seconds is a one-sided quickie. We haven’t even got the other part of the would you rather. I will just say some people do like, I will say it from a perspective of someone who has been in that situation. I think quickies can kind of be fun. I’m like, “Look at me. I’m so hot. He got done real quick.” And it was a conversation beforehand that we didn’t have time for, you know, and then, my needs came later. I wasn’t trying to poo-poo anything. I wasn’t trying to poo-poo a quickies. Yeah. Yeah. I’ll just admit that I had the wrong, like a very narrow, completely one sided. Like, having sex with a mannequin. I don’t know why. But that’s where my mind went. And here’s the reason I said, haven’t you seen a movie? Is because, and listen, first of all, movies are a really bad depiction of often almost always male-centric view of sex. I don’t watch a lot of movies. Most of the movies, especially, movies we saw as kids in the ’80 and ’90s, it was a one-sided quickie where the dude came in like two minutes. It’s not a great thing. But I’m saying that there are moments of passion where the time that is required to go into, what I would consider the 95%, you know, mutual enjoyment going at a certain pace, sex. I’m just saying that there’s a little window which is kind of a different experience. And I’m not taking a stand. I’m giving a shout out to the quickie. But the question is, would you rather have that every day for a year or have passionate, uninterrupted, earth-shattering soulmate sex for a full 12 hours, but only once a month for the next year? Well, first of all, listen, I’m sorry that I was thinking the wrong thing about quickies and implying anything about anybody. But my choice here is very much have the long thing once a month. Because to me, this comes down to frequency anyway. There’s like a level of like, how often do you want to have sex? If that’s your libido level or whatever you call it. Well, clearly, I think, I mean, my answer is the second part, once a month passionate sex. Especially if these are literally the only two options. Right. Now, if it was, what would I as an individual not considering my wife enjoy? I mean, a 30 second quickie every single day to close the day down would be a really enjoyable experience just from a total physical release standpoint. I think it would get old. But it wouldn’t be emotionally fulfilling. It would get kind of mechanical for me. But the thing about this question that I think Lizette is like, I feel like I’m tracking with you, Lizette, because what you’ve done is, you’ve created two very wild extremes, right? 30 second sex every single day is a wild extreme. Even if I’m in gorilla mode, I don’t know if I can pull it off. Yeah. But at the opposite end of the extreme, a 12-hour sex session. Now, Mr. 13-minute quickie over here may be ready to sign up for that. 12 hours is a long time. I’m gonna speak for the normal folk and say, “That’s a long fucking time to have sex.” I’m gonna say it, there’s an idea that is put into people’s minds, often put into women’s minds through romance novels and the like, that if your man is a real man, then when he has sex with you, it’s gonna last. Like, it might start at 7:00 PM and it’s gonna go till 4:00 AM and he’s going to ejaculate six times and you’re going to have multiple orgasms. And I’m like, “Okay.” Listen, I can’t do that. I am incapable of doing that. Even if I would like to do that. By the fourth time, I would just be ejaculating dust. Do you know what I’m saying? So, I don’t believe that I would be capable of doing that. And so, I just feel like that that’s extreme. Might be blood. Because it says, “Soulmate sex for a full 12 hours.” Sex for full 12 hours. That’s impossible. You might be able to have a sexual encounter that stretches over a half a day, where you never put your clothes back on. Well, you’re definitely making it sound like torture. 12 hours is too long. Yeah. So, what’s the ideal? ‘Cause, we both agree, if we had to choose we’re gonna do the one where our wife gets to cum once a month. Of course, that’s what I’m gonna choose. But what’s the ideal length? Oh. Length, Neil. The ideal length. Like, if you’re designing the night. I think there’s two different. And foreplay’s not included in this time script scan. Foreplay’s important and foreplay’s necessary. But foreplay could literally be a text that you do in the morning, where it’s just like, “I can’t wait for tonight.” No, I’m saying once you start the session, Once the sex starts. But foreplay can be part of that. I’m saying that this is once you’re in the bedroom, the door is locked, the music has started. And there’s sexual physical things that are beginning to happen. Yeah. Which can be the foreplay. Right. The actual, in the bedroom foreplay. And I’m talking about, this is a normal encounter in which, in my typical encounter, there is one ejaculation from me. Yes, absolutely. Okay. My refractory period has increased as I’ve gotten older. So, twice in a day, I have done it. I do do it. The second time can be hard to pull off sometimes. I haven’t tried that in quite a while. But I think, I gotta really gear up for that. I think there might need to be a bribe involved. Right, yeah. Like a suitcase full of money. So, what’s the ideal time, from your perspective, taking into account the preferences of your partner from beginning of sexual activity to your ejaculation, which of course is after her orgasm. We’re starting with a 13-minute quickie baseline. So, I’m expecting a very high number. No, no, no. It’s like 50 minutes. I’ve already said, my answer wasn’t for a quickie. I didn’t know what a quickie was. Okay, that’s interesting. Damn. It depends on which mode I’m in. Like, in just a normal, if it’s a weeknight. Ideal mode. But not like romantic getaway like we were talking about last week. Okay. Normal life. Normal life mode. Ideal amount of time in my mind is 29 minutes. Okay. Or less. I was hoping you were gonna say less than 30 minutes because you were gonna make me feel bad. Well, clearly I’ve been doing that the whole time. Now here’s the thing, I want to be better at this. I wanna be more patient. I want to stretch things out. Well, that’s probably a bad phrase. Do you want too or you’re saying she wants you to? To stretch the time out. First of all, Jessie and I have a very satisfactory sex life and we’re very happy. But if we were to sit down and I were to say, these are the things that I want more of from you, and she were to say, these are the things I want more of from you. One of the things on her list would be, I want you to go slower and take your time more often. ‘Cause for me, I think I talked about this in one of the previous Sextembers, but I’ve made it clear that I’m a fan of the cunnilingus. That is a normal part of our process. Sometimes I just want to start right there. And I know that’s too much. It is too much for her sometimes. You know what I’m saying? I should kiss other things first and I recognize that. Like her mouth. Yeah. Yeah. I should kiss her mouth first sometimes. Wow. And, I do. I do that. Okay. So, I would say that my ideal time, taking into account what I know that she wants and what I know that I want, and I’m kind of using like music to, is this one way to know how long things have been going, like how many songs have played. And I have noticed that there’s sometimes where it’s like, “Oh, shit. We’re only on a second song. It’s over.” You know what I’m saying? I think this was a seven minute encounter. ‘Cause sometimes things can happen very quickly for her as well, depending on a number of factors. But I would say typical is probably 20 minutes. And I would say ideal, I was gonna say half an hour. So, I think we’re on the same page in what we actually want it to be. I think, Jessie would want it to be more, she would be pushing, she would be pushing for 45 minutes. Yeah. We’re more on the same page, if we both get the experience we want. We’re kind of results oriented more than process oriented, I think. We don’t like to compromise our bedtime, you know? Yep. Yep. Sometimes I’ll brag about getting it done and it’s like, look, it’s not even 9:30 yet. I have legitimately celebrated that. Yeah. That’s a big factor. That’s a big factor. It’s like we’ve checked all the boxes and including the last big box, which is the juiciest box of all, and that box is keeping my bedtime. Ah, okay. So, we’ve literally celebrated that. You were making a box joke though. I was. Okay. And So, I think we’re more on the same page on that front. The other part of it is frequency. And I think that this question kind of brings up part of that too. So, it’s like being on the same page about these things. It kind of goes in waves. For me, sometimes, and I correlate it to just energy level, stress level. Sometimes I could go weeks and be like, “You know what, I just don’t have any drive.” I have noticed that it’s cyclical and we go in and out of it. So, we ride the waves. So it’s actually hard to say what a frequency is. I would say more on a monthly number versus a weekly number in terms of what my desire is. But it’s probably, and I’m trying to be really realistic here. I think if it’s 1.7 times a week. What’s that times four? Four, five. That’s all. Like seven times a month, maybe. Yeah. I agree about it coming in waves. It can be dependent on how busy you are, how stressed out one or both of you are. Do you find yourself, first of all, like, what I said, like, there’s a stretch of time when you don’t have much drive. I remember somebody telling us this right when we were about to get married. Mark told us this. He was like, you’re not gonna understand this until you get married. But sometimes it can feel like working out. Sometimes it can feel like something you have to do. You know you’ll feel good afterward, or in this case, during. It’s a loose analogy. But the choice to begin to do it might be.. Mind over matter. And actually this is a conversation that Jessie and I’ve had. And I think actually led to this acceptance of this infrequent frequency of the quickie thing. Because I would tell her, I was like, “to be honest with you, I kind of always want to have sex.” I kind of always want to have sex. And maybe this sheds light on that quickie conversation earlier. Like, 75% of my waking hours, and I don’t know about my sleeping time. Is with an erection? But I assume I have wet dreams and things. 75% of your waking life you have a hard on? No, no, no, not anymore. I’m not 14. 75% of my waking life, I’m ready to go. Do you know what I mean? But that doesn’t translate into having sex every single day. Because I want the vast majority of our encounters to be something that is enjoyable to her. And she wants a certain pace and she wants me to perform in a certain way and be there for it, and be there for the sensual equal experience. And sometimes I’m just like, I wanna have sex, but I don’t necessarily want to sign up for this half hour encounter right now because I kind of just wanna read this book and go to bed. But yeah, I do wanna have sex, but I’m not gonna ask for it because I don’t want it to be a quickie, ’cause I don’t want that frequency to get above whatever, 5%. But I’m saying I still wanna do it. But that doesn’t mean it it translates into the super high frequency. I don’t know what the frequency is, but.. I’m talking about desire on your part. I’m saying the desire to have sex is on one level, and then the desire to actually begin the process of having sex requires a next level of intention. Does that make sense? Yes, definitely. Of course people have all different types of sex drives and if you’re in a relationship with somebody, most likely there’s gonna be some level of misalignment. You’re not gonna be in lockstep with each other. It’s cool to hear that you talk about it and you meet each other’s needs and stuff like that. And it helps with like the quickie thing. ‘Cause without talking about it, I mean, my sort of experience with other couples, and these things I hear and pick up on, you know, is that it is not uncommon at all for married couples or just couples who live together and have been together for a while. It’s easy for these barriers to just get locked in place and it can be very, very difficult for them to get dislodged. Right. Then you could find yourself going weeks, going months going years without having sex. Not because you don’t want to, but because now it’s gotten awkward, you know? Thankfully I haven’t had to to deal with that. I’m sure there are some couples who are like, that’s just who we are and we’re happy and whatever. It may not be they even desire that. But I would say that if there’s one or both people in the partnership.. It is a misalignment. that want to be having more sex and there is that misalignment, it’s all about having a conversation about it. You’re like, “oh, that’s what you’ve been thinking? You haven’t been approaching me because you’ve been expecting me to do this.” You never know what’ll happen to you. It’s much easier to begin a conversation than it is to reengage sexually sometimes. Yeah. I’ve also, heard about this thing called “fuckyouary.” It’s like, let’s have sex every day of the month of February. Is that February? Or pick any month or any period of time. Fucktober. Fucktober. We talked about doing that, but that was just like, less than two times a week is fine by me. It’s like that’s just kind of forcing an issue. It sounded like an interesting experiment in my head, but then it just, like I said, I would be afraid it would become too mechanical. Well, but the thing is, is I think it wouldn’t. I don’t know what. Well, that kind of gets into this other question, which is, Poopy Rocketman asked, “How goofy is goofy missionary?” Goofy missionary, I believe, it’s just a term coined by Trevor during the” Smosh Roast”, when he invented the rumor that all I liked was missionary sex. Did he say goofy missionary? I think so. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So, I don’t think missionaries goofy at all. I think it is a great sexual position. It is not my favorite sexual position. Okay. But I would say it is potentially the most frequent sexual position. There’s alternatives. You can make missionary goofy, which maybe is what Trevor was getting at. Because if you’re just picturing a Ken doll and a Barbie doll, flat on top of each other, and somehow the penis is being inserted into the vagina. Jenna’s face when I said that. That’s not what missionary is as far as I’m concerned. There’s ways to make that more interesting. You can put yourself up. I think that’s called something different. On your hands and the legs can go straight up in the air. your partner can be folded into the shape of an L. There’s lots of things that happen in that orientation that I have explored thoroughly. Yeah. I like a little origami, a little human origami. So, basically, I think what I’m saying is, that it can get kind of goofy. And I was a missionary for a while, So, I really deserved it. And you are goofy at times. But it lets you be more inventive. That’s what having sex every single day would do. It would point out the places where you’ve gotten to paint by numbers, which is something that I’m sensitive to, and Jessie is definitely sensitive to. Even though we have a pretty, like I said, it’s very consistent. Like she’s gonna have her time. I’m gonna have my time. We’re gonna have our time. People are gonna feel fulfilled and they’re gonna get what they came for. But if it kind of follows these few steps every single time, it can be like, all right, let’s change it up. So having sex every single day, I think, would force you to figure that out. There’s many times when we’re in the act, and then we’ll both say, ’cause we’re both in that place where, she’s not like, I want to have sex more. She’s not there. So, we’re closer in terms of our drive. We hear about people who do it every day. And we’re like, damn. I feel like I should feel bad. But like, hey, we don’t need to compare ourselves. But then I like the idea of having sex. And boy, whenever we’re doing it, I’ve said out loud many times, why don’t we do this more often? Yeah. It’s like, why do we wait so long since last time we did this? It’s like when you go to the beach. It’s like, God, this is wonderful. Ah, we’re so close. Don’t you agree? Why don’t we just go here more often? It’s just like when I’m on vacation, I’m planning the next vacation. I do that with sex. We’re having sex and I’m like, “let’s make sure we do this again tomorrow.” I’ve literally said that. It’s not the benchmark necessarily, but.. I’m talking about normal at home. I’ve said many times. And sometimes I’ve been like, “Before we finish, let’s agree. Let’s agree that we’re gonna do this again tomorrow.” We’re all in agreement at that moment. The thing is that you do that for like, everything that you enjoy. If you’re enjoying something, you’re asking anyone who’s there to agree to do it again, which I really appreciate that. I do feel like I benefit from that. But it does feel a little bit like an attorney. Like, can we agree right now to do this again tomorrow. Yeah. It’s not the most passionate exchange. Let’s do this again. Than I get a sip of water or a guzzle of water. There’s plenty of things I do during sex. Drink water, negotiate the next time we’re gonna have sex. The bedtime thing is a big factor. And I actually think that I am more of a, I’m not a 9:30 man. I don’t know how the hell you do that. I wish I knew how you did that. 10:30 is my target. Okay. 11-11:30 is my reality. And now Jessie, and I’ve told her this a million times, I was like, “Anytime with almost no exception, if I decide that for whatever reason I’m staying up later, ’cause I’m working on something or I’m reading something or I’m watching something, any of the many reasons that I may not go to bed on time, she’ll always still be up. She’ll always still be up. It’s like the woman doesn’t need sleep. It’s almost like she might be an alien who doesn’t require sleep, but is reminded, “oh, I need to act like I have to sleep because I’m playing a human, and my human that I live with is now sleeping and so, now I must sleep.” I don’t know how she does it. She seems to function very highly with the amount of sleep that she gets. Sometimes it’ll be like, she’ll want to begin the engagement and I’m like, ah, “I was literally just about to roll over and go to bed.” Which I think is a little bit of a role reversal from what the stereotype is. But I think that having one kid out of the house and just having one left. Shepherd, you know, he’s 15. Half the time when I’m going to bed, I don’t know where he is at without finding him on my location finder or whatever, you know. But I think that, that has increased our frequency because it can be like, oh, it’s eight o’clock and we’re the only two people in this house. Oh! Yeah. I’m not at that point. So, I’m actually anticipating that in four years when he’s gone and we’re empty nesters, I actually think that our frequency will take another boost. ‘Cause it’ll be like, we’ll be on vacation all the time. Yeah. I’m sure we’ll find out that we’re wrong about that. But I’m really hopeful too. I’m feeling that. Hey, we’ve got to promote the “Golden Tee Mythicality.” We need to do that. Yes. We’re doing the “Golden Tee Mythicality.” It’s officially here now through September 29th. All you gotta do is go to mythical.com, secure your very own shiny tee. And now remember, this works the same way that it works every year, but we’ve got new prizes this year. So, everybody gets this shiny tee. But three people get a special different color shiny tee. So, the Golden Tee, you get that gold tee, you get $24,000 in cash because it’s season 24 of “Good Mythical Morning.” That’s crazy. If you get the orange tee, you get a virtual taste test with us, where we sit down. Hang out with you. We send you some food, we have the same food, we both eat it, we talk, we hang out, we chill for a while. If you get the blue tee, you get $2,400 in credit at the Mythical Store, where you can go and probably buy everything that we’re selling. No, probably not. So, again, go to mythical.com to enter the “2023 Golden Tee of Mythicality” giveaway for a chance to win one of those incredible prizes, no purchase necessary. Void where prohibited. Visit mythical.com for details. Yeah. Also, we wanna make sure, we’ve been trying to remember to ask you to do this. But we keep forgetting. Listen, if you like your Biscuits, first of all, thank you for liking it. Thank you for listening. The main thing you can do is just continue listening, continue telling people about it. But something that is very helpful is rating and reviewing on Apple or Spotify, wherever you listen to your podcast. You know, it does things to the algorithm. It gets the podcast to be shown to more people, so, we can bring more Ear Biscuiteers along for the podcast. Please review this podcast as a favor to us. More people can hear us talk about sex. “Ear Biscuits” is supported by Rosetta Stone. You know, I really wish that I would’ve learned Spanish. Why do we take all the French courses? I don’t have the opportunity to speak French to that many people. I have one French friend. One French friend. But I have a lot more friends who speak Spanish and like have a lot of opportunity here in Southern Cali to speak Spanish but can’t do. We were not well advised. Yeah. We were not well advised. It wasn’t practical. Cue the promo for Rosetta Stone. Rosetta Stone is the most trusted language learning program and it truly immerses you in the language you want to learn. 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There’s no better time than right now to get started. For a very limited time you can get Rosetta Stone’s lifetime membership for 40% off. That’s $179 for unlimited access to 25 language courses for the rest of your life. Redeem your 40% off at rosettastone.com/eartoday. Let’s click on a voicemail. Hey, Rhett and Link. It’s Sextember, and so I wanted to suggest a topic or actually ask you all a question. So, why is it that in the year of our Lord 2023, or whatever Lord you believe in, that adult toy shops or sex shops still feel so skeevy and like they’re trapped in the ’80s. They always smell weird. The displays always feel like a blast from the past in a bad way. The DVDs look like they were made in the 1980s. Still, everything about them just makes you feel terrible walking in them. So, why are they still like that? Are the stores like that in LA? And yeah, so, if y’all could explore that, that’d be great. You remember that store we went into while we were.. I can’t believe they still exist at all because of the internet. Well, but you can’t touch a dildo on the internet. No. You know what I mean? And you can’t return them, I guess. I think a lot of this stuff you need to see in person. Oh. You can’t return them at stores either. Just so you know. Oh, yeah. Right. But you can look at them before you buy them. True. You kind of pick it up. A lot of people are not great with numbers, So, somebody is like I’m gonna get an eight inch dildo. And then they’re like, “oh, okay.” Or a 13 minute quickie. I wasn’t expecting it to be that big. So, I think that that’s the reason they exist because it’s the same reason that clothing stores still exist. Because sometimes you need to try. I mean, you don’t try it on, I guess. But you know what I’m saying. You need to get into the same room with it. I haven’t been to one recently. You remember the one that we went to? We probably told this story at some time. The first time? The first time we went into an adult store. In Charleston. We went into an adult store more recently, maybe while traveling while touring or something and it felt like the Apple store of sex stores. Do you remember that place? I was in there? Yeah, you were in there. You went in there with me. I just remember thinking this feels like an Urban Outfitters or something. Apparently I went in one. There are those. And I assume that those exist in LA. But I am good with numbers. So, when you tell me how long something is, I can picture it. Okay. So, I do most of my toy ordering online. Yeah. I do my ordering online. I don’t remember that shop and I have not found one. Surely there’s like a really awesome.. It got to be.. high end sex shop in LA. It is kind of skeezy wheezy. Do you guys know about any? Pleasure Chest is a pretty good one. It’s pretty open. Where’s that? That’s in Hollywood. Okay. Actually they opened a one in North Hollywood as well. So, if you’re in the valley. But does it still have the skeezy vibes? I don’t think so. I think those one, it’s open. It’s like brightly colored. You’re gonna find the skeevy ones around. The ones that have most of like the lingerie in the front and all that. There’s one in Pasadena right on Colorado, which is like such a quaint little, and even that one, the mannequins with the really extreme lingerie. It’s not inviting. If you’ve got young kids, you don’t want them to look into the window kind of vibe. Yeah. It just feels like it wouldn’t be hard to take a slight left turn and all of a sudden your business would just go through the roof. Like a ball pit for the kids. What are those balls made out of? People who want the most extreme stuff, well that’s still inside. It is in the back man. Yeah. But you don’t have to feel weird at all about just walking in this place. It just feels like more sex shops should be taken that. Yeah. I just think the margins aren’t high enough and they already exist and they can’t afford to like revamp their whole thing. Okay. I think this is just an economics answer, unfortunately, Of things that you can sell at a sex shop, what could you put in the window that would make it, come to think of it, like, first of all you’re like, come to think of it, which, by the way, that’s a great name for a sex shop. “Come to think of it.” That’s good. Think to come of it. Yeah. Yeah. We’ll workshop it. But of the things that you could put in the window, you start with mannequins because that’s just what you do. They have the tall windows it seems like what you should do. And then you’re like, well let’s put.. Right, because you’re not gonna put the dildos in the window. Can’t put the dildos in the window. And if you’re just putting lubes in a window. It’s just like, what? So, toys and stuff don’t make sense. I understand where they’re going. I just think you don’t have windows. Well but than how do people know it’s a sex shop? I think they could do a display with the mannequins and then the lingerie and feather boas. And then there’s subtle things like a little feather duster, little crop, something subtle, where you’re like, “oh, I know what that is.” Little tasteful. Yeah. This is not Victoria’s Secret. This is Victoria’s open secret. I would love to fix their display windows. I volunteer, if anyone wants a display window fix. Jenna is available for that. Let’s go to another one. “Come to think of it”, it ain’t getting better than that. Hey, Rhett and Link. Huge fan. First time caller. So, I just turned 40 years old, been married for 15 years. And real simple question, delicate situation, I guess. I don’t know. So I like to keep my pubes nice and trimmed. My wife appreciates it. You know, she’s willing to visit the garden if the weeds are taken care of, you know what I mean? And So, I like to keep those nice and trim, but I also, like to fully shave my balls. I think it looks good. Feels good. But like I said, I just turned 40. So, how old is too old to keep manscaping, I guess? At what age do you finally just let it go? So, just a question for you guys. Looking for some answers. And I appreciate all you guys do. Thanks. First of all, buddy, you don’t. Don’t stop. Never. It’s addictive. I’ll tell you. You’ve been pulling the weeds all these years and then the next thing you know, this year, you’re not pulling the weeds. You ever seen one of those old professors of eyebrows? Right. You know what I’m saying? Like that’s what’s gonna happen down there. They’re like antlers. You don’t know how coilly that stuff’s gonna be. It might poke her eye out when she’s down there in the garden. You might lose your wiener entirely. It might wrap around it and suffocate it. You don’t want that to happen, do you? If you show up at a certain person’s house, their lawn always looks exactly the same. And then there’s other people that you know that, like, sometimes you show up at a party and you’re like damn, y’all’s lawn looks great. And then you show up around Christmas and you’re like, y’all need to cut the grass. Yeah. I’m sort of the second scenario. Mostly because I just feel like it’s a little dynamic. Sometimes I look like somebody who may have come from a different era. You know what I mean? Okay. And sometimes I look like somebody from the future. Sometimes you’re Grizzly Adams and sometimes you’re Zork. Sometimes I’m from the past and sometimes I’m from the future and sometimes I’m right now ready to go. What do you do? I talked about this on Good Mythical Evening, in the aftermath of them ripping off the plaster mold of my ass-cheeks. Which was all your fault, by the way. And all the hair that they ripped off, you know what happened was I was strutting around and Christy noticed that like.. You’re walking a little faster. She was like, “Your cheeks are so smooth. What happened?” And I told her and then I was like, oh, because she noticed. Well, clearly it’s an upgrade. That’s an upgrade. I just hadn’t thought that she noticed. So, then I was like, well, because she notices, I’m gonna get those Manscaped clippers. Not a sponsor. Should be though. ‘Cause I’ve got them and have used them for years. Boy, I’m a fan. Come on, let’s have a conversation, Manscaped. A Manscaped with a dean. Manscaped, past tense. I love what you’re doing to me. ‘Cause you said that you had that and everything had been like, trimmed all the way down. So then I got one. And then I started to trim it all the way down. By the time Good Mythical Evening happened, it was like I was just getting used to it. And I’m pretty good at keeping everything down all the way. It trims really close. Now this guy talked about shaving his balls with a razor. I hope you’re using clippers. I think he’s talking about what we’re talking about. Yeah. Clippers. Like, eh, but without a level. But you gotta get ones that aren’t gonna like, nicky, nicky, nicky. Well hold on. You said, all the way down, the pubic region? When you say all the way down what do you mean? Everything, everywhere. You’re bald. Yes. Okay. And I’m enjoying it. So, this is the thing. It is not uncommon that once I start, I think, every time I start, if it’s a little overgrown. We’re talking about like, I’ve been on vacation and I forgot to pay the boy to cut the grass. The boy. Yes. You know, you pay some boy to cut the grass, a neighbor’s kid. Just to be clear, there is no boy involved in this process’s. That’s what I wanted to make sure. It was an analogy about grass cutting. Okay. Neighborhood grass cutting. Well, you don’t wanna forget right before vacation, that is the worst time to forget my friend. Yeah. Okay. Bad analogy. Sorry. When I haven’t trimmed it in a while and I break out those Manscaped clippers, which boy, they’re wonderful. Wish they were a sponsor. I always think that I’m gonna do something like, okay, I wanna still have some presence above it, but I want it to be trim, flattering, whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That can work. But I always end up going all the way. Yeah. It’s just like shaving your sideburns in high school. We had sideburns and you try to keep it even, next thing you know, you’re like Guile from Street Fighter. Guile. It just go straight across the middle of you. Bup balls look like Guile. And I gotta say I enjoy it. You have a little Hadoken. It feels really like, you feel smooth and quick and You feel like a sexual energy, I think. Yeah. there’s an energy to it. But then it slowly grows back. It’s a weekly maintenance thing. I feel like I need a happy medium. I will say the thing about the butt hair though. What about it? So, I trimmed my butt hair and I didn’t have a whole lot, but of course, I’m like any man, I’ve got crack hair. Great. Not a lot of cheek hair, but I knew that that mold that Chase was gonna be painting on my ass was gonna go into the crack. So, I trimmed everything and I wear a boxer brief. Me too. Like a MeUndies or whatever. Yep. And what I noticed is that, I didn’t have a lot of hair in my ass, but I had enough hair to keep my underwear from going on my ass crack. That doesn’t happen to me. It can get a little more sticky. I was just like, hold on. What’s happening? I feel like I’m having to pick my underwear during the middle of the day. So, I kind of feel like I need a little barrier, just a little bit. Yeah. It doesn’t take much. Right. I’m still on team going all the way, but it does take an adjustment. There’s an adjustment period to figuring it out. Maybe I gotta get a different kind of underwear. Now there’s this other thing called a Noom. I think it’s called a Noom. We have this too. It’s like a Roomba. it’s a robot that you put on your balls and it just runs around by itself. It flashes this light and it kills your hair follicles, if you use it enough. Oh, I’m not doing that. And they say you can use it anyway. I got a vasectomy and still, I can’t bring myself to light shock my actual balls. I wouldn’t mess with that, bro. Oh, I’ve been using it. I’ve been using it in other places. I’ve been using it on my butt cheeks. Is this like the electrolysis thing your grandma had in that room in her house? No, no, no. That would zap the follicle. You would stick a needle down into each follicle. Yes. So, in that way, yes. So, yeah, it is the same. It kills the follicle. But it sends the current down the hair step. It’s no current. It is a handheld device that you put on your skin over where you want the hair to not grow anymore. And then it’s like a flash of a camera and it kind of stings a little bit. There’s seven levels to it. What’s it called? I think it’s called… Nood. N-O-O-D. Nood. N-O-O-D. Yeah. ‘Cause the Noom is like a weight loss thing. So, N-O-O-D. I’ve been using this thing. How’d you know about this? Christy bought it. Well, first of all, they sell all kinds of stuff. They sell a bra for women that’s just pasties. That’s booby tape, man. Well, hold on. But it sort of caught me off guard. It’s great. That’s the same thing? The machine? I saw the machine. Oh, try nude. Oh, hold on. Oh, there’s a “lovenude.com” and a “trynude.” Well, there’s a lawsuit going here. Yeah. This is it. “Trynude.com.” There’s two people trying to do nude things. The Flasher 2.0. That’s what I have. Somebody didn’t get a trademark. I’m using it on my ass cheeks. I’m using it on the top of my feet. ‘Cause I don’t like hair on my toes on the top of my feet. I got this place where, look, you can see it right there. I’ve got hair that grows on the inside of my wrist, and I don’t like it. So, this one place right here, I zap. And you can tell right now that there’s a little bit of, it’s not great yet. But what if you want your hair back? What if it comes in fashion? Too late. Hairy as trend? Well, yeah. I’m at risk of not being on that train. I would do it on my naps. Right. I’ve started doing it on my naps because I get addicted to all this stuff, once I start removing hair. When I started trimming my leg hair and nobody understands that. Yeah. It makes me feel a little uncomfortable. It makes me feel happy. You’re not going any lower, are you? No. Okay, good. I’m actually trimming my leg hair less now that everything under the underwear is totally gone and I’m permanently removing the hair off of my feet. Where’d you hear about this? Boy’s Life magazine? Christy bought one and then I just saw it and she never opened it. Oh. She got one and she didn’t use it. She got it and hasn’t used it. I was like, well, I’m gonna use this. I’m gonna show you that you need to use it and you can use it on your bikini line and stuff like that. That’s what that is happening in the advertisement. But I’ve seen ads for guys talking about removing the hair off their balls with this thing, and I’m gonna get there. I don’t know that. I want to do that to my bush though. No, dude, you don’t know what’s gonna happen. Right. Yeah. You gotta have the ability to have a bush. You never know what’s gonna happen. But I think I’m gonna manscape forever. Yeah. Back to the question at hand. Do not stop. Do not stop. It’s fun. It’s great. It’s exciting. Makes you feel like a pornographic star. Yeah. Ben Barker. Well, I’ll say that his Twitter handle is dblongdong. Okay. Didn’t see that. Probably means it’s not that long. Yeah. How has getting your tubes snipped affected your libido and performance, if any? Well, I guess they are tubes. So, it doesn’t have any effect on either of those things. It’s had the biggest effect. I used condoms before I got a vagectomy. Neither of our wives were ever on birth control. Interestingly, long story. And So, we wore condoms. Talk about freedom. I’d say it, it upped. It didn’t up performance to begin with. No. For obvious reasons. But it up sensation. Do you ever do this? Use a fruit roll up as a condom. Yeah. No. No. There are still times, and this is very infrequent, but it happens maybe a few times a year, where for whatever reason, Jessie don’t want to get so messy, if you know what I mean. And so, I have a bag of condoms. Really? Yep. I have a bag of condoms for this purpose. Well, again, if it’s that quickie and she’s doing it just for you.. That’s a perfect example. Is that a hand in hand? I don’t do it in the hand. Okay. So, yeah. God doesn’t like that. Okay. I never spill my seed because of Laban. What was his name? Dude spilled his seed in the Bible and he got struck down, Y’all. You gotta watch that. I have these condoms and sometimes I’ll be like.. Just literally as a gizz catcher. Yeah, yeah. But it makes it easier to last longer because there’s a barrier there. Because it does impact the sensation a little bit. Have you ever tried some of that, like you use that desensitizing? I’ve never, I haven’t. Yeah, I have. And that ain’t for me, man. It goes too desensitized? Yeah. So like, I can’t feel my dick all you. First of all, there’s just something about stopping and applying. I don’t know what it is. I think I maybe tried it twice just to see what would happen. But one time it was too much. Too much. And it was just like, ” I’m not enjoying this anymore.” Yeah. I haven’t tried it. Well, if you don’t have a need to try it. But you use a condom sometimes. You have a bag of condoms. I think every man needs a bag of condoms. Just for that, huh? Yeah. And then sometimes if we are in the window, so to speak. Yeah. She’s on her period. Yeah. That is a good time for that. That’s a good point. Huh. It hasn’t impacted performance. But I would say that once you begin having this unsheathed sex. Boy, it’s superior. Well, careful now, men need to be wearing condoms. Okay. We’re in a long term monogamous relationship. Ejaculate responsibly boys. But I will say, men, please go get vasectomies. For the most part, they’re reversible. So, if you are concerned, why not just get a vasectomy? Yeah. There you go. How reversible? Very. The percentage is high for reversibility. You gotta fish out. All right, fish out. Both ends of the tube and than reattach it. I want all the men to get vasectomies. And then when they feel financially and emotionally responsible, then they can get it reversed. But what I found is that once you have the unsheathed sex on a regular basis, you can actually kind of focus on becoming a better performer. Again, for me, with my tendency to wanna rush things, it’s a mental thing where I really have to commit. Yeah. You gotta make the decision. You gotta switch things up. I think we talked about that last year. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. That’s the key. All right. Success rate is 60 to 95%, depending on how many years you have had the vasectomy. Okay. Okay. All right. In my monogamous, no longer wanting kids’ situation, it was a no-brainer. Especially when I realized we could make a video about it and it would be funny. Especially in the situation that we’re in, where it’s just like we don’t wanna ever reverse it. It’s such a small sacrifice for the man when the woman has been carrying 100% of the burden related to reproduction. Right? Right. So, it’s very easy to be like, Well, I’m just gonna do this thing that hurt me for a weekend. I put some peas on my balls and watched some movies and I was okay. It was no big deal. The birth control measures for women are much more impactful and burdensome. So, you’re talking about like IED, what is it? IUD. IUD. Even even the pill. The reason we didn’t use it originally is because we were super, super conservative evangelical Christians, and we thought that the pill could prevent implantation and cause an abortion. And So, even the very, very small chance of a fertilized egg not being implanted, we would see that as abortion. And So, we were against it at the time. Changed my view on that since. But then Jessie realized that she has a propensity to blood clotting. It can contribute to that. So, it’s just, these measures can be really burdensome for women. So, I mean, at least these dudes who are like, I’m not gonna wear a condom ’cause it doesn’t feel good. It’s like that whole mentality is just so fucked up. And then not being willing to get a vasectomy because you don’t understand what is actually happening. You still have a full load. Yeah. Well, it’s not full of sperm. It’s sperm less. It’s semen. Seems no different. It looks exactly the same. It feels exactly the same. Because your sperm is a minuscule percentage of your semen load. It didn’t change that part of the experience at all. I’d noticed no difference in an orgasm or the gizz. I notice no difference. Yeah. Here’s a voicemail. Hi Rhett and Link. My name is Amber Lynn. And I have a question for your upcoming Sextember podcast. I was wondering if you could give us the most loquacious and adjective field description of the male orgasm that you can. Thank you very much. Love you guys. Buh bye. Good God. I wish I had known that was what was going to be asked. The most loquacious description of the orgasm. It’s like Colonel Sanders with his pressure cooker. You know, you got the chicken bone in that thing. And boy, it’s getting hot. It’s just like the pressure just builds up to the point where it’s just like, back up because Colonel Sanders lid’s about to pop off. It could blow you back. Blow you back, and it can get greasy. I think that’s what it is. That’s pretty good. You missing the best. Finger looking good. Oh, yeah. Yeah, man, you missed the slogan. It’s finger looking good. You missed the slogan. It’s finger looking good. 11th finger looking good. I’ll give you a loquacious description of the first time I ever orgasmed by my own hand. This is exactly the way I thought about it the next day. It was like an itch that I could not stop scratching, that felt so good and only felt better and better and better the more I scratched. Until the point that it felt like the whole of the universe had descended onto my groin. It was like a star was being born. You know what I’m saying? I know how stars happen. But you know how it feels for it to happen. Well, I was thinking about a black hole at the time, and I know they’re related somehow. I just remember, first of all, I remember thinking that I had broken my dick because I had not been well educated about this. But yeah, that’s how I thought about it. And I often wonder, how does it, because they say, they say, that if you’ve got a clitoris, the number of nerve endings and stuff and the way it’s oriented or whatever. I heard like a doctor on Oprah, say, when I was a kid, like a woman enjoys orgasm five times as much as a man. And I was like, okay. I don’t know how you know that, but if that’s true, if a woman enjoys it more than I enjoy it, it’s like, good for y’all. That’s gotta be incredible. The thing is a female orgasm, I am jealous. I’m jealous. Because it lasts. It lasts. There’s like a plateau. And it’s like the difference between a rocky mountain and a whole plateau. And depending on all the factors, you could build a little town up there on that plateau. Right. And a waterfall. It can be sustained. Right. All of it is just like, build up, build up, build up, like water in the garden hose and you pinch the end of it and it’s just like more pressure, more pressure until it’s just like it’s gonna blow. It’s like somebody cut the pressure off. It’s oh, somebody cut the pressure off. No, it’s like took the kink outta the hose. No, I’m saying for a man. For a man? You take the kink out of the hose and then somebody cut the water off. But Jenna, you were about to say something. Yeah. Just to clarify with the clitoris and sensitivity and enjoyment, it’s not necessarily enjoyment. It’s that we have more nerve endings there. Than the head of a penis. Five times the nerve endings in a clitoris than the head of the penis. So, whatever you’re doing with the penis, divide that by five, that’s what you should be doing with the clitoris. And that’s kind of where you start. Yeah. Okay. And then the enjoyment. Yes. And orgasm lasts much longer for women as well. And you can have so many more. Yeah. You can like ride one and ride into the next one. Yeah. It’s crazy. Right, right, right, right, right, right. I’m so jealous. It’s like, it’s so, easy for us. I mean, there’s a lot more work, but like.. I actually think it’s just this great cosmic analogy, you know, it’s like the way that it works. For someone with a penis, it’s just like, doesn’t take much, it’s gonna be fun, but it’s gonna be over real quick. But the investment in the entire situation with the vagina and clitoris and everything that goes along with it, but then the reward is longer and you can enjoy it for longer. So, it’s kind of like, I don’t know, it’s like this, analogy. I mean, you can be on the edge of ejaculation, you can surf that line and stay just below it. And it’s like, that’s very pleasurable. But there is a sensation of it being like you’re on the verge of an explosion. It’s kind of like running from a thief though. Or running from somebody who’s trying to mug you. It’s not that enjoyable. It is not the thing. In that moment you’re not running. My impression, with the only woman that I’ve had a sexual experience with is that she’s running towards something very, very hard and completely unabashedly for an extremely long period of time. Where I’m like, I get really close to the edge, I’m like, I gotta turn around. I wanna jump, but I gotta stay on this ledge. And then you get up to, oh, I gotta run back. I gotta run back. I mean it’s fun. But she seems like she’s having even more fun. Yeah. That’s all I’m saying. You look at my face and I’m concentrating, you know. Right, right, right. What is he’s doing? That guy’s doing math. He’s solving problems right now. She’s not doing math. The eyes roll back, but they do one rotation, then they’re back. I can see again. They don’t disappear. Man, I just wish they could disappear for 13 minutes, a quickie. Yeah. Yeah. Just 13 minutes. So, there it is. Our best description of the male orgasm is that it’s just subpar to the female orgasm in my opinion. Than we have nothing to compare to except our own. We have nothing to compare it to. I mean, it’s still the greatest feeling that I’ve ever felt, I think. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. I’ve heard people say, better than sex, about a number of things. And you know how much I like to eat, man. But yeah, there’s no way. I never had a burger that got close to sex and I love to eat. No, I’m not. Yeah. What else do people say better than sex? Well, some people who, and this is not, obviously don’t do this, but people who’ve tried heroin and stuff like that. Hard drugs that send you way over the top that are highly addictive. Those people will get into a place where they’re like, this is better than sex. Because it is doing something to your brain that it was definitely not designed to have happened to it. I definitely don’t want to find that out. So, and no plans to try that. Liam goatfelons ask a technical question. Does oral sex count as sex? My roommates used to get into full-blown debates about this. Full-blown. Well, Liam, according to who, I guess is the question. Because again, this question is most often asked in the context of a religious argument. How far is too far? Okay. Well, God in his wisdom has determined that, okay, if you touch the nipple, this score in sin. But if you have sex, that goes over the limit. Of course. I don’t believe it that that’s how the universe works. So, I think that oral sex counts as oral sex. You know what I’m saying? Oral sex is oral sex. What do you mean count as sex? It’s a different thing. Count according to who, I guess. It’s like, I if you’re saying that, if you’ve had oral sex, but you haven’t had intercourse, are you a are you still a virgin? Again, the concept of virginity is also based in this religious framework. It’s kind of a bullshit concept. Construct. It’s a construct. It’s an idea that a group of people who believe a certain thing about the world have agreed upon. But your status is not changed because you have had sex or not had sex. So, oral sex is a certain thing that involves the mouth and a sexual organ. And then intercourse is when the sex of the genitalia are involved. Yeah. Thank you. You know what I’m saying? I guess I don’t understand. The premise of the question is difficult for me to understand, if it’s not based in a particular moral framework. I think it matters most about what it means to the person you’re doing it with and being on the same page about all the implications. Emotional. The only thing I’m sure of is if you spill your seed, God will strike you down. Okay. Well, what? I still don’t recall. You don’t remember this. I do remember the phrase and even the name Laban, but I don’t remember the story. I don’t think it was Laban. It may have been Laban. I gotta look this up now. Okay. So, now you’re Googling what? Bible, spill, seed, death. Meaning? Onan. Onan. This is Genesis 38. This is NIV. but Onan knew that the offspring would not be his. So, wherever he lay with his brother’s wife, he spilled his semen on the ground. He pulled out. To keep from producing offspring for his brother. What he did was wicked in the Lord’s sight, so he put him to death also. So, maybe this is only if you’re having sex with your brother’s wife. So, I don’t know how it works. Don’t have any experience with that personally. May not have been the seed part at all. I guess, let me just take it all back. The only thing I’m sure of when it comes to this is that, if you’re having sex with your brother’s wife and you spill your seed, God will kill you. And I would like to take back.. I’m not sure about anything else. that a quickie is 13 minutes. I just don’t know what 13 minutes is or eight inch is. Honestly, I don’t really give a shit. You know what? I can cum quick and I can take a long time and it’s none of your business. But I sure the hell I’ve been talking about it. It’s none of your business, but we’ve been talking about our sex lives very openly. Oh. I think that brings to close Sextember. Yeah. Hey man. Hey man, It’s been a fun one. Hey man. I feel like we’ve learned a lot. I will say that we didn’t bring any experts in this year. You know, people who actually have studied these things. If there’s a gap you want us to fill, let us know. #EARBISCUITS or leave us a voicemail with how you’re processing all this. 1-888-EARPOD1 Speaking of people that you should listen to about things, experts, I have a recommendation. Somebody I actually discovered this morning. Schmorning. I have a huge respect for good science communicators. This is something I’m sort of into my niche. My wife always laughs at me as I like to watch things that are technical, while I work out. But I found “Debunk the Funk with Dr. Wilson”, YouTube channel. Dr. Dan Wilson, I think is his name. He’s a molecular biologist. Basically, he took it upon himself in 2020 to begin addressing all the misinformation related to the pandemic. And I just love the way that he communicates. And I know in many ways we feel like we’re past the, we’re definitely past the darkest days of the pandemic. But it’s funny how, I don’t think we’ve yet recovered from what happened to us in the way that people consume information and what we can agree on. And boy, howdy, when the next pandemic comes, we’re gonna be in for it because this one didn’t go well. But it’s great having a voice like his that if you hear something on really popular podcasts, for instance, about vaccines or covid or whatever. Oh, what podcasts is that? I don’t know what podcast I’m talking about. You might be led to believe certain things about these matters that are not based in fact. And I think that he does a really, really good job of breaking it down in very simple terms and communicating in a way that anyone can understand, what pointing to resources that he and other people like him have actually studied. So, “Debunk the Funk with Dr. Wilson”, great science channel on YouTube. Check him out. Okay. Talk to you next week. Oh, and also, want to remind you, that my first single off of this phase of my music, “James and the Shame” off the EP that’s coming in November, dropped on Friday. It’s called “Nothing Left to Love”, which is also, just a title track. I’m starting with the title track because why not? Why not! So, check it out wherever you stream your music. Hey guys, I’m a 25 year old woman. I live in a large apartment complex in New York City and I sometimes feel compromised, especially when I’m listening to Sextember because the walls are thin here. And I’m just putting myself in the position of one of my neighbors and imagining what they’re thinking when they get a little blip of what’s going on in “Ear Biscuits.” And honestly, I’m not mad about it. Love you guys so, much. Thanks for everything you do. To watch more “Ear Biscuits,” click on the playlist on the right. To watch the previous episode of “Ear Biscuits”, click on the playlist to the left. And don’t forget to click on the circular icon to subscribe. If you prefer to listen to this podcast, it’s available on all your favorite podcast platforms. Thanks for being your mythical best.