Welcome to “Ear Biscuits,” the podcast where two lifelong friends talk about life for a long time. I’m Rhett. What? I don’t know why I said. I started saying I before. I’m rusty. It’s this new year. This is the first one we’ve recorded of the year, and I stuck- No, this is not a good sign. Hi, I’m Rhett. New this year, I’m Link. No, no, no, let me explain what- All along. But no, you felt bad about starting it, and then you were like, “Well, I gotta say it the right way.” Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. That’s what went through my mind. I was so ready to say my part that I was like, “I’m Link,” and then as I heard myself say, “I’m,” I was like, oh. Well, this is appropriate. It’s supposed to be Rhett. This is appropriate. because that was the first thing I wanted to talk about is what I screwed up. I am Link. What I screwed up in front of a different audience last night. Yeah, Rhett. I, you know me, I don’t like, I don’t like to screw things up, you know? It’s to a pathological point. Maybe it was growing up in a family where screwing up wasn’t well tolerated. Yeah, I didn’t wanna bring it up unless you wanted to bring it up, but since you wanna talk about it, I think it’s good. You did bring it up in the moment though. Well, yeah, but- While I was still on stage. Okay, let’s start at the beginning ’cause I think- But it’s my fault. So we had the privilege and honor of presenting at the 75th Emmys. Not the real Emmys. Let’s be real. Well, no. I mean, they’re real Emmys, but it was the creative arts Emmys. It wasn’t the main Emmys that you see on primetime television. We made the mistake of thinking that it was a lesser Emmy’s just because it wasn’t televised. It was still recorded, and it’s still gonna be broadcast. It is televised somewhere like on FXX or something. But the moment we showed up, I mean, we had to wear tuxes. The reason we didn’t think it was as big of a deal as it was is because we were both confused. Yeah, we were. Because like 12 or 13 years ago, I don’t even think we lived in LA at the time. We had just moved here. We were asked to MC, to host some Emmy thing that was over there at the Dolby Theater or something. Right, we hosted the- And we thought that that was the creative arts Emmys, and we, I don’t even remember anything about that. We hosted the whole thing. We were trying to be funny. I’m sure we were somewhat annoying. They were giving out Emmys there too, but it was, yeah, that was less than this. ‘Cause the moment we showed up in our tuxes, ’cause we were told to wear tuxes, I mean, everybody was, I mean, this was a much bigger deal than I had realized. The “Queer Eye” guys were there. Got to meet Tim Robinson. Was very excited about that. And then he won the first award. John Mulaney was there. Which was short form comedy, so Tim should’ve won that. Olivia Munn, RuPaul, Keke Palmer. You know, there was like recognizable celebs there. The night before was the scripted Emmys that aren’t in the televised version, and the night that we were there was the unscripted Emmys that just don’t make it in the televised version. ’cause everything can’t make it. So and then they seat us, and we’re literally in the center on the front row. Yeah, I was like how did we get these seats, man? Why did we get these? I told Christy this morning, I was like, this is a much bigger deal than we realized, and I actually started to get nervous, and- I was actually proud of myself for not being nervous in the like weeks leading up to it ’cause a lot of times when you’re about to do something that’s out of your comfort zone in front of a group of people that, you know, there’s a little bit of a chip on the shoulder of a YouTuber going into that environment that you’re kinda thinking like, oh, YouTuber. And so I was like, but you know what? I’m actually feeling good about it because I’m not really concerned about what these people think about me, also not realizing that it would be the crowd that it was. Carol Burnett was- Carol Burnett was on the front row. Seated on the front row like five seats down from us. And the first person who came out was Jeff Probst. Jeff Probst started the whole show! Oh man, I love me some Jeff Probst. I gotta meet me Jeff Probst. We gotta get him on “Good Mythical Morning.” Yes. Gotta make that work. And they said- So then it was like, oh crap. This is a thing. And they had sent us the script. It’s a big stage. This is a full production. This is like steady cams roaming in front of us. Big deal, big deal. I’m like, act like you are meant to be here. They sent us the script ahead of time, and I was like this is a pretty good script, and I just made one change. I exchanged one joke. Mm-hm. And felt pretty good about it. They did put us two hours and 20 minutes into the show. Two hours and 20 minutes into the show. And it was a two hour- Almost the last thing. And 30 minute show. So that took some of the pressure off ’cause on any of these shows, by the time you get to the second hour or past that, people just kinda want to get to the after party. Yeah, and so I was the one that was supposed to start, and I had a teleprompter, which- Everybody did. Well, I’m just saying that in my mind, having a teleprompter is the reason for why I said the thing that I said. But, which I told you ahead of time when you were asking me to like make some changes or like, “Do you wanna change this?” And I was like I’m just gonna stick to the teleprompter because that’s how I maintain my composure in situations like this. It’s like I don’t go off prompter. And ’cause it was like three lines and then you’re done, right? Three lines from me, three lines from you, and we’re done. Yeah. And the first line was, “In celebration of the 75th Emmy’s,” or something like that, and I literally said, “In celebration of the Seventy-fithe Emmys.” And you realized it as you said it. Well, ’cause I’m looking at the thing and I’m like- “In celebration of the Seventy-fithe Emmys,” and I said, and so you gave me a moment to say, like, you were like, you stuttered. You sputtered a little bit. Well, I was thinking of something clever to say, and you said- I can’t remember what I said. You said, or no, I said, “Seventy-fithe” I said “75th,” and you said, “Yeah, you should probably say 75th.” What I would’ve said- I thought what I said was, “You can, that’s not the way you say it.” I thought you said, “No, you should probably say 75th,” or something like that. I don’t know. We’ll watch it back on FXX. But what I thought about after it had happened was what I should’ve said is I should’ve said, “Seventy-fithe, yes, it’s the new 75th.” And I would’ve gotten some laughs. At least I acknowledged that you said it. And then we went on to deliver these pre-written jokes that- I could’ve said something funnier too. Got a couple of laughs. But then we were in between awards. I made a joke about Betty White being white. You did. But in celebration of the technological advancement of color television. That was the best joke. But in between the awards, ’cause we gave out two awards where they were showing the montage of the nominees, it got dark, and you leaned over to me and you said, “Seventy-fithe, really?” That’s not what I said. As if- That’s not what I said. As if I wasn’t already drowning in shame. Okay, I- My best friend leans over and says, “Seventy-fithe, really?” Okay, here’s what really happened. I was drowning in shame up there. The lights go down- Your boy was drowning in shame! It, I- And you piled on! I could tell that you were not happy with yourself because you were standing there motionless just looking into nothing. You were looking inside of your brain like- I had one thing, I had one thing to do, say 75th. It was the third word. The thing that I’ve always said when I say 75th. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I’ve never said seventy-fithe. It’s like Bilbo Baggins, “100 and eleventy-ith.” I’m a hobbit. “100 and 11th.” There’s so many good jokes! Like if I had that “Small Wonder” thing where she could like pause time or go back, I don’t know. If I had the ring where you could go back in time, there’s so many things that I could say. I’m a hobbit. Of course, I could just say 75th. Listen, I just got back from New Zealand. The ring makes you invisible. It does not make you go back in time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I’m talking about a different ring. Wait, wait. There’s one ring, Rhett. No, no, no. To rule them all. I’m talking about a ring that takes you back in time to then say separate thing about being a hobbit. But what I said, so I knew that you were kind of stewing or in shame. And so you wanted to rub it in a little bit. No! I was trying to make you feel better, but I had to say something. By saying, “Sevent-fithe, really?” What I said was- That’s not what I remember. I mean, and of course, you know, the crowd is still out there. Everybody, they’re still like thinking about that, of course. Only thinking about seventy-fithe. That’s the only thing they’re thinking about. So yeah, I lean over to you and I’m like, “Seventy-fithe, huh?” That’s what I said. “Seventy-fithe, huh?” Oh, and that’s better? I mean, I’ll let you off easy, man. I was like, man, you really screwed the pooch. Man, you made us both look stupid! It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter. It didn’t matter to me. It didn’t matter to me. ‘Cause it wasn’t me. No, I, it was fine, man. And, but I knew there wasn’t anything I could say that would make you feel better in that moment because the lights were about to come up, and we’re about to give an award! Well, the thing that I, so the thing that I regretted wasn’t necessarily saying seventy-fithe. I mean, obviously, that was the thing that was the error. It was, in retrospect, not then having the funny thing to say about screwing up, right? People, I mean, what’s her name? You don’t even remember her name. See, she screwed up too. The one that said, “Telejision.” Yeah, she said, “Telejision.” But then she said something funny. No, she said, “Television,” and she talked about the authenticity of reality television or something, and said that she was kinda making a point. Right, right. Anyway. I felt bad for her, but it was fine. I really don’t, I mean, and- You recovered, man. You said your jokes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we got out of it. I’m just saying that it was, as I observed myself and how I reacted in that situation, realizing that I was caring more about this than anyone else was carrying. Everybody who was there, first of all, who was left, let’s be honest. Tim Robinson had gone home. I looked down there because he was the one I was really worried about. He was gone. He was gone. So many people had left two hours and 20 minutes into this. Carol Burnett was still there. Carol Burnett was there, but she’s 90. Yeah. She probably didn’t hear me. You know, so I think- You shouldn’t beat yourself up over it. It was an exercise in humility, but also in just the- Much better to mess that up than to mess the joke up. That would’ve been much worse. Exactly. That’s what my wonderful wifes told me. She said- Wifes? Wifes. See, you’re still doing it, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, well, new development in 2024. I’ve got two wives now. Oh, see, now you’re recovering with ease. Look at you. Polygamy. If I was that funny last night, if I could make a polygamy joke- It wouldn’t have mattered. When I was talking to Jessie, she was like, “Well, when you said you screwed up, I thought maybe you had like, said the wrong name when you opened the envelope, or you screwed a joke up, but you just screwed up seventy-fithe? Like, come on, give yourself a break.” It is a mistake that no one would ever make because how could you? Like where does that come from? You read 75, and then the TH was on the next line or something? No, no, no. The only way one can make that joke, make that mistake, is by reading the word, the number 75. It wasn’t 75th, it was written out seven-five-th. And so in my brain, I got to 75 and just saw 75. So I was just like, “The seventy-five-th.” Yeah, you read it as literal as possible. I was too committed to sticking to the prompter. I told you, man! But I normally do better when I stick to the prompter. But apparently, you can’t stick so tightly to the prompter that you don’t see the TH on the five. Not in 2024, man. Yeah, so next time they invite us, if they do, to the Emmys- If they don’t- I’m not gonna, it’ll be because of that. We’re gonna know why. Right, right. Yeah, man. Listen. Listen, let me just, look at me. Look at me. I wanna get this hair off your eye. Oh, I thought you were about to do some sort of- You got a hair right here. Push that back. I was like- You thought I was gonna- Some sort of magic trick- Look at me, look at me. To make me not feel shame. Look at me, I want you to, let me grab back your neck. I want you to know that you are loved, and you are respected. I’m just saying next time- And you are normally composed. Next time I- You were composed! I shame myself in that way. You didn’t lose composure. What I would ask of you as a best friend is just to be like, “Hey, nobody cares.” Or just, or like, “It’s gonna be okay, man.” Seventy-fithe, huh? Yeah. I thought that was, I thought that would make light of it. Don’t just repeat the thing that I just, the only thing that I’m thinking right now is seventy-fithe, seventy-fithe, why did you say seventy-fithe? And then your buddy leans over and says, “Seventy-fithe?” Huh? I’m sorry, man. I was really just thinking, yeah, I need to say something and it’s- Well, sometimes it’s better not to say anything at all. I made it worse? Shit, man. I honestly didn’t realize that I had made it worse. I’m sorry. Yeah, well, I’m okay now. It was the first thing I thought about when I woke up though. Oh, seventy-fithe. Literally like as your brain is awakening to the world and you’re beginning to orient yourself to the day, like, I just saw seventy-fithe. And that’s me. That’s my problem. Not just the screw up, but the fact that that would be the first thing that I think about. If the shoe was on the other foot, I feel like it would’ve been, you know, better for everybody. ‘Cause I put my foot in my mouth all the time, and you’re always ready to take it out. Right. See, now, see, I didn’t, that’s what I failed you in not saying something funnier than what I said. It really was a setup for you and you failed. Really, you should be feeling shame. I did say something, but I’m sorry that I didn’t say something better. If you were me in that moment, you would’ve said something better. But I would’ve been the butt of the joke. Um. Well- And you know what? That would’ve worked. That would’ve been the best for comedy. Yeah. I just don’t, see, I didn’t have the instinct to publicly- Well, next time. Really go for the jugular. Hey, just be ready, man. I make mistakes too. It’s tough. You gotta be ready for me to make mistakes. I make ’em quite a bit. Yeah, you need to stay in your lane though. I’m the mistake maker. Yeah, see, that’s not fair. No, don’t- That’s not fair. Do not- 2024. Are you done thinking about it now? Do you feel like this has helped you? 2024 is my year of mistakes. Oh. Just so you know. Do you feel like you can put this behind you? You can integrate this in a way that- Well, you know, I was a bit preoccupied with the fact that I had gotten Clippers-Lakers tickets for me and my family that I had secured before we ever got this gig. And I didn’t really understand that we were gonna be too, even though it was in the information that Jenna, that you sent ahead of time, but I had failed to really read all that. And didn’t realize that we were gonna be giving our presentation like after the game had been going for an hour. Thankfully, it was literally in the Peacock Theater, which is right next to the Crypto.com Arena, so it was just like walking over. But I was thinking about, man, I paid all that money for these tickets for this Clippers-Lakers game, and I’m excited about it. And then as I was getting changed after seventy-fithe, and I was walking over, I was like, but you know what? I’m gonna watch my Clippers take out the Lakers because you know that’s what they’re gonna do. And did they? They lost. Oh. So it was like L upon L. Oh. So it was like, it was a double L. And you pulled like a reverse James Bond. You like had a double bag, and you went into the bathroom in a tux, and you came out in like LA Clippers gear. I did. I did. And left me with your bag. See, that’s a pretty good friend. I do appreciate- Didn’t I make it up? I carried your duffle bag. You carried my duffle bag. What’d do at that party with it? I- Was it like a big fanny pack? No, I gave it to somebody to put in the car. Oh, good. Yeah. So I pawned it off could pretty much immediately. I feel like you could rock a duffle. Yeah, I had a whole bit. “Where’s Rhett?” Oh, he’s deflated in this duffle. Did you see the seventy-fithe thing? No, now that was pretty good. That was pretty good. You should’ve said that earlier. I rolled him up after he deflated, and I put him in this duffle. Yeah. I appreciate you holding my bag. Oh, gosh. That almost makes up for rubbing it in in the moment. I didn’t rub it in! I wasn’t trying to rub it in. Okay, listen, if it’ll make you feel better, I had some big fails on my pic New Zealand trip that I wanna tell you about, right after we tell you to go to mythical.com and check out this amazing collection. You know what time it is! It’s the time to look at a T-shirt, another T-shirt, a hoodie, sweatpants, trucker hat. We got long sleeve- There’s a whole freaking ensemble over there. We got sweaties. You’ll look good and you’ll be comfy. It’s gonna be great for you. You Know What Time It Is Collection, check it out at mythical.com. Ear biscuits is brought to you by BetterHelp. BetterHelp, in this particular ad, is encouraging us to think about New Year’s resolutions in the other direction, like to be even more positive. I like this. Mm-hm. Like think of the opposite of New Year, new you, instead thinking about your life in terms of where you’re crushing it, like where something’s going well and how you can build on that. I like that. I like this too. Like for me, I’m an organizer, but there’s always something else that I can organize. I’m gonna get even better at that. A better organizer. Yeah, maybe you finally organize one part of your space and you wanna tackle another! Exactly! And maybe you’re taking your supplements every morning, and now you wanna actually eat breakfast too! Okay. Therapy will help you find your strengths so you can ditch the extreme resolutions and make changes that really stick. You know we’re huge advocates for therapy and want it to be accessible to everyone, so if you’re thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It’s entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. Celebrate the progress you’ve made. Visit betterhelp.com/ear today to get 10% off your first month. That’s BetterHelp, H-E-L-P, .com/ear. “Ear Biscuits” is supported by Rosetta Stone. You know, sometimes you travel to other countries, Link, like you just traveled to New Zealand. And sometimes you need help understanding the people in that country. Well, a lot of ’em speak English. Oh, okay, well maybe this doesn’t apply as much, but what if their accent is so strong, it sounds like another language? In comes Rosetta Stone. Not exactly, it’s not for accents. I mean, it’s for accents within languages. Just let me stick with the copy. Right. Rosetta Stone is the most trusted language learning program available on desktop or as an app that truly immerses you in the language you want to learn. 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Redeem your 50% off at rosettastone.com/ear today. I’ve been planning this trip to New Zealand for over a year. You know, during the pandemic, we were rewatching all of the “Lord of the Rings” extended DVD behind the scenes. I don’t know. Hours and hours. 16 hours of content. And just getting back into realizing that, you know what? Middle Earth exists. It’s a place called New Zealand. Where’s Old Zealand? I don’t know. Was there ever a Zealand? It had to be. Like, I was there in New Zealand this whole time, and no one ever talked about the old one. You know, it’s like, you know, this one’s definitely better. This is an improvement on the other one. Is Zealand just another word for Britain? Because all their money has the Queen on it. Maybe it was Sealand. And then New Zealand. Yeah, let’s just conjecture at length about that ’cause we don’t know. We’re not gonna figure it out. It makes sense as Sealand. It’s a fresh place, I will say that. It’s totally worthy of being new. Beautiful, huh? Most beautiful place on earth? That’s what they say. It is extremely easy on the eyes everywhere you look. So we had, I mean, the first thing that we booked over a year in advance was visiting Hobbiton. It’s Middle Earth! Hobbiton is literally there. Well, the place where they, I mean the place where they made the movie, not the place where J.R.R. Tolkien like- But in its entirety, like when you, like that shot of Hobbiton that has all the homes- Yes. That’s all completely intact? Yeah. Well, they tore it all down after the “Lord of the Ring’s” production and then took everything out. But then when they made the “Hobbit” movies, they rebuilt the entire thing on the same piece of sheep farmland. And then the guy who owned the land, I don’t know whose idea it was, but they hatched this idea to say, hey, listen, let’s not make the mistake of tearing this down again. Right. Yeah. Like, now we’re gonna, this is gonna be a permanent fixture. More money than sheep for sure. It’s the, you know how when you go, if you have the privilege of going to Walt Disneyland or World or any of the Disney places, you’re struck by how the attention to detail everywhere, like going from ride to ride and attraction to attraction, it’s not just about the attractions being amazing, but the entire experience is curated. It’s not Six flags. All the way, no. All the way down to like the trash cans and the smell in the air and like the mulch underneath the bushes that you can’t see. This was the only experience I’ve been to where I bought a ticket and it topped that, like the attention to detail. You felt like you were there. It was amazing. And then- Are there hobbits? There are no hobbits running around. They’re too tasteful for that. Okay. All the hobbits are, I don’t know. They don’t like to leave. I don’t know where, they didn’t tell me where they were, but they weren’t there. Okay. And they had spaced out the tour groups well enough that like you could see people on the other, you know, at different spots, but like, it wasn’t, you went through in a group with a guide, and so it was very- Walking. Yeah, walking. You’re walking right up to hobbit holes all around the thing. And you may be choosing to take a picture of every single hobbit hole like my wife did. I, on the other hand, just took a picture of one, maybe two hobbit holes, and then I looked at all the rest of ’em with my eyes and enjoyed it. But I chose not to pick that fight because the main thing about being on a family trip is knowing what battles to choose. And basically, if you can choose none, that’s success. And I was pretty good at that, you know? Didn’t impact my experience. And I realized I wasn’t gonna go into dad mode and like, look at that! Stop taking pictures and do this, you know? I was not in charge of my family’s experience once we got there. There’s a tour guide. They had their own choices to make with their own phones and they could listen to the tour guide and do whatever they wanted. That unlocked a lot of happiness for me to abdicate all of my responsibilities as a dad to make sure that anyone else was having a good time. That’s a smart move. It may sound selfish, but hey. I set this thing up. I booked the tickets. Or I asked someone to book the tickets. Or I asked someone to ask someone to book the tickets. But it happens, you know? Yeah, let’s get real here. Come on. Yeah. So I did my part. Everybody loved Hobbiton. It was a highlight, and- Can you, when you go into the now, I’m experienced enough of a filmmaker to know that they didn’t shoot the inside of those hobbit holes in the same place. They did that on a sound stage. You too smart for me man. But what I do wanna know is what’s inside those hobbit holes? Darkness. Okay. Utter darkness. No furnace? Furniture? What I did not know was that they had remade the last two hobbit holes like two months before we got there. This was like fresh, fresh. They had remodeled so that you could go into, they split the group in half, and you went into either the Proudfoots’ hobbit hole or another hobbit hole that was similar but catered to another family, like designed to another family. So you can’t go into Bilbo’s thing ’cause they’re not gonna try to recreate that. No, you can’t go into Bag End. But we didn’t even know this was gonna happen. And then they’re like, okay, we’re gonna go into these hobbit holes, and it was absolutely picture perfect in there. Like, talk about the attention to detail then went up like 10 notches. Like- Little furniture. Beds, little bunk beds, little sinks with running water. Could you get in the beds? Yeah, if you wanted to. You could sit on the bed. You just like, I mean, you’re just walking around. There’s no like- That’s a good photo op. There’s no ropes. Christy could’ve taken a photo of that, you in the bed. Me and her in the bed. Potentially, yeah. We didn’t do that. It was super impressive. You just made a fart sound with your hands. It’s kind of undermining- No, that was me saying super impressive, got it. You literally. Did you know? Again, there’s a few things for 2024. Couple of wives, mistakes, and hand farts. Like, but you did not know you were gonna do that. You know what? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I did. I was like, I’m gonna wait for the perfect moment in his story to hand fart. I don’t think they heard- See, look how good you are at recovery. These microphones are very directional, Link, so I think that this probably, but this. But I heard it. You clapped, I’m telling a story about the most beautiful thing I’ve encountered in the whole year. You clapped your hands and hand fart. I said it exactly at the right time. You said, “Picture perfect,” and I was like, yep. I thought that was good timing. It was good timing, and you have good instincts, but you didn’t do it on purpose. How much does it cost? Per person? Probably a lot, dude. The other thing I decided not to do was look at the cost. Okay, good. And I’m just being honest. I mean, once you decide to go to New Zealand and you have to do Hobbiton and you cannot look at the cost. Hmm. You know? You count the cost of going to New Zealand and not visiting Hobbiton. That’s the cost. How much time do you spend at Hobbiton? Is there a gift shop? Is there a restaurant? At the end of the freaking tour, you go to the, geez, it’s not the Prancing Pony, it’s the other one, and you- Get a beer. They give you a beer! Okay, well. And it’s got alcohol in it! I’m just, I’m thinking about all the things that they could’ve done- They give you that and you can also get a cider. It also has alcohol in it. Do they sell fireworks? No. No. Okay. They don’t do that. What do they sell? They sell like- Scones. Hairy feet that you could put on over your feet? Lots of, you know what, I don’t know if they, they sell maps and they sell a lot of models. Ooh, yeah. I don’t know if they sold hairy feet. I went back to the car. And waited? Yeah. And your kids stayed in the- Yeah, ’cause I was looking at, I was trying to figure out the next thing for us to do. Lily bought something at Hobbiton. A map. A map. She bought a map. She bought a map. Okay. The main thing I wanna talk about though is I really wasn’t mentally prepared for the main thing that was going to be an immersive experience that was entirely different than anything I’ve ever experienced that put me in the driver’s seat of a situation that I was not prepared for. And that was quite literally getting in the driver’s seat of my rental car, which was on the wrong side of the car, excuse me for saying it that way, on the other side of the car, and then having to drive on the other side of the roads over the course of our entire two week trip. Now, don’t you think just a little bit that this might be a recipe for a disaster? Yeah. Because sometimes you driving on the right side of the road can be a recipe for disaster. I mean, how many pedestrians have I- Almost hit? Almost maimed, killed, or otherwise clipped here in America. That then like- That you’ve seen firsthand. That then DM’d us later? Yeah, yeah. At least one. At least one. Many pedestrians have been taught the lesson of looking both ways by me. That is the real risk- In America. When you’re in another country, first of all, as a pedestrian being in a country where they drive on the other side of the road, it’s easy to get hit because you look the wrong way when you cross the street, which also means that it’s probably easy for the hitting to happen. In London, I did not ever drive when I visited. But as a pedestrian, when I would cross every street, I would look down at the crosswalk, and they would have signs everywhere on the pavement, and they would say, “Look right!” Everywhere you looked, “Look right, look right.” None of that in New Zealand. Like, no pedestrian look right anywhere. Now, when I got my rental car, I mean, you’re fresh off the plane. You’ve flown for over 11 hours. You’re on the precipice of your wildest dreams coming true. But you’re jet lagged, and, you know, it’s 6:00 AM, but I don’t know what, it’s the day before and what is going on? And I get in the car, and I’m in the passenger seat. Like literally, I’ve like gotten in the car completely. So you didn’t think about this until that moment? The thought crossed my mind, but then I’m like, ah, just think about it later. You know, think about it later. And so the later was when I was in the passenger seat looking for the steering wheel. ‘Cause you know, when I went to Scotland, I, it’s a little difference in our personalities here, and I knew I was gonna be driving all throughout Scotland, and then I was gonna have to drive all the way from the Highlands all the way to London over the course of a few days, and I was driving a big van, like a 12 passenger van. With your extended family in tow. And so I watched videos about like how to like get your brain ready for it. And even having done that, like- You prepared. I prepared and I still wasn’t prepared. And the roundabouts. Oh, let me get to that. So, okay, so you prepared. I didn’t. I got outta the car, I walked around, I got in the driver’s seat. And to the left of the steering wheel, which is the middle of the car, crazy, right? There’s a little sticker, and it says, “Keep left.” Like somebody put a sticker on there, “Keep left.” I’m like, okay, okay. It’s that simple. It’s just that simple. Oh, this is terrible. And then I’m like, and every time I get in a rental car in America, it takes me at least 15 minutes to put that thing in drive. I’m just gonna say it. You know, you gotta connect your phone with the car play, and you gotta make sure that works ’cause you want the GPS to be there. You don’t wanna be fiddle farting with that or the music. And then, there you go. You gotta get better at the hand farts if you’re gonna try to punctuate my stories with them. I’m trying to fiddle fart. I’m sorry. I’m, you know, you gotta adjust the mirrors. You gotta know where the emergency break is. You gotta know how to adjust everything so that you’re not fiddle farting around once you get on the road. Right. And now, so I did all of that, and then it was like there was an extra beat. It was like okay, I’m putting it in drive. Even putting it in drive with your other hand. Not easy. It’s weird. It was like I couldn’t do it. It’s like writing a letter with your offhand. Well, not quite, but yeah. Or just writing a letter ’cause nobody does that anymore. That’s better, yeah. It’s like, oh, awkward. I put it in driving and I start to ease out. And man, I mean the spatial just identity of the car is so difficult. And I’m, you know, I’m driving to get out of an airport. This is like the worst. It’s like the start is an obstacle course. I mean, there’s more pedestrians walking around everywhere there than anywhere else and people who don’t know where they’re going and who are experiencing the same thing that I’m experiencing, A bunch of Americans getting into cars that are going the wrong way. Or the majority of the earth drives on the same side as us. So it’s not just Americans who are figuring this crap out. What is the breakdown of that? It’s just a British thing, and then the British colonies. But they did, I mean, they did a lot of colonizing. Yeah, well, yeah. So I know like what is the percentage breakdown of that, Jamie, of what percentage of the world drives on the right side of the road and the left side of the road? Let’s see here. It looks like it doesn’t give me a percentage, but it says, oh, around 30% of the world drives on the left. Okay, but that’s still the minority. Yeah, so yeah, I didn’t know it was that- 70% of the world, 70% of the people going through there, let’s just say, if it’s gonna work that way. ‘Cause I guess all of South America drives on the right side of the road. Yeah, I decided, you know, I’m just gonna, I’m gonna get in behind somebody and I’m gonna take it slow, and everything was okay. You know, once you got on a split lane road, it was like two lanes and a median, then the two lanes. And then it really just came about like, okay, I wanna go slow and I wanna really pace myself, and I don’t want to make my family more nervous than they already are and should be. What did you find to be the most challenging thing? Staying in the far left lane when I wanted to be slow, and then after a while, not being lulled into getting back into the right lane to go slow. And then when, later, when I’m on a two-lane road, not being lulled into the fact that that right lane is oncoming traffic and not the fast lane. ‘Cause that was the first thing I was introduced to, split lane highway. Then we get out into the country ’cause we were staying out outside of Auckland in like, first of all, it’s the most bucolic scenery in the central part of the northern island. It’s just like rolling green hills with sheep and cows all over ’em. And then an occasional house. Mm-hm. Just not a lot more than that. Absolutely beautiful. Even if it is raining a lot more than they said it would, which made it a little bit depressing at first. There are, once you get out of the city, there are no stoplights. There are no stop signs. There are just what I call yield signs, but they look like a yield sign, and they just say, “Make way!” And what I interpreted that to mean was, I’m coming through, make way! I didn’t stop for anything, but I’m pretty sure I would’ve yielded in a roundabout if somebody was curving around. The roundabouts, when you’re rounding them about the opposite way are, is pretty much a mind screw. Yeah. But I was doing okay. The key was, and I didn’t watch any videos, was just go slow. Just follow other people. And just trust- Until you have to lead. And then we had to find a pharmacy, and we went back into town, and there was like stress for finding a pharmacy, and like the place where the pharmacy was supposed to be wasn’t there, and here I’m back into town and I’m on the left hand side, but I have to turn right, and there’s cars coming across, and like I think I’m gonna turn right here, and now, oh crap. No, it’s up there. And then I’m making a last second decision to turn right across traffic into a side street where I think this pharmacy is back in Auckland, and I decided to pull out in front of somebody. Good. And so I gunned it. And- Make way. So then I gunned it and I turn, and then I see that there’s a car in the street that’s coming out. But then there’s a space to the right of the car when I’m looking at the car- Oh no. And there’s a space to the left of the car. Stay left. It’s on the sticker, stay left. And I’m going, and I just don’t wanna get hit by the car that I’ve turned in front of, and I’ve literally just gunned this thing. And so I make an instinctive self-preservation decision to just go to the right of the guy who’s stopped. Okay. What the pedestrian didn’t know was that I was gonna do this. Oh, the pedestrian is suddenly here. There was a pedestrian walking behind the car, who was stopped, that I, so he had crossed, and I should’ve gone to the left where the pedestrian had just crossed. The pedestrian was now behind the car, which he shouldn’t have been. Tall guy though. Definitely his fault. And then- This is probably the seventy-fithe time he’s done this. I careen right, like I didn’t see him until he was beside me. Like he got, he like popped back out of the way and like threw his arms out, and then he kinda faded off into nothing. He could look and see you were an American just by looking at you. Oh yeah, oh yeah. Yeah. And I went another block and there was no pharmacy there. Oh. Oh. So you were wrong on every account. Just for nothing. But, so I had to turn around and I was like- What’d your family say? I was like, damn, I hope that pedestrian’s still not there. They weren’t, Christy just goes into deep breathing now. Yeah, good for her. She doesn’t say anything anymore. She’s like . She turns into a tea kettle. Yeah, after 23 years of marriage, she has found the best way forward with Link is deep breathing. She goes, her eyes just, it’s kind of like she’s a Buddha. Her eyes just get real thin, and just like air just seeps out forever. That’s all she could do. It’s just she’s like, talk about it. And just a slow head shake. And then she’s like, at every other time we stopped, she’s like, “Go to that side.” Yeah, yeah, yeah. “Go to the left,” you know? You asked for it. And I couldn’t. There’s nothing I could say to her. So that was early on in the trip. I got better and better. I gained confidence to the point where I was like, you know, I kinda like this side of the road. It’s better! I think I’ll bring this back to America. I definitely love the fact that like, there’s no stop signs, there’s no stoplights. It’s all roundabouts and give ways. There’s a sense of momentum in New Zealand that’s like if you can keep going, just keep going! And you might have to slow down and like- You can do that in less populated places. You can’t do that in Los Angeles. It’s really nice. It’s really nice. I love that. The thing that I found the most challenging, and I had an observer, right? Because my brother was also driving, and we would sometimes he would be in the front, and sometimes he would be in the back. And I remember we had been driving for a couple of days, and I was like talking to him and my dad who were behind me, and I was like, “I think I’m getting the hang of this.” And they were like, “Really?” They were like, “Well, what we have observed,” and first of all we were in like rural Scotland where I swear the roads are not as wide as they are, in, I mean- No, they’re not. They weren’t there either. Those roads are so tiny. They were like your- Every bridge is single. Left wheel, because you’re on the right side of the car, they’re like, “Your left wheel is on the line on the side of the road.” Yes! And Christy was- ‘Cause you don’t wanna get hit by the oncoming traffic, and you’re not used to accommodating for that side of the car. You’re used to accommodating for this side of the car. Yes, so there was a, Christy was like, and even Lincoln, you know, Lincoln never speaks up about this stuff. Like he never says anything. He’s the middle child. He’s like, and he’s not even in, he’s in the very back of the car, like two rows back alone. And all of a sudden, you know, I just hear him say, “Dad, you’re kinda getting close to the side of the road a lot.” Yeah, yeah, yeah, it’s inevitable. You have this instinct to like stay away from like, you have this hyperawareness of oncoming traffic. And so you drift over there to the left to the point where you’re like I’m hitting the rumble strips a lot. There were rumble strips. I did that quite a bit. I still had a lot of confidence by the end of the thing. Christy and I had a little getaway one morning where we got a massage once we had gotten down to Queenstown. Do they start the massage on the other side of your body? Yeah, and we were super relaxed. We came outta that. We get back into the car. I’m like we’re gonna go grab some food before we go back. And I was trying to decide. I pulled up to the road, it was a two lane road, and I was trying to decide am I gonna go left to this pizza place, or am I gonna go right to this other place? And I was like making a last second decision. And then that’s when you get into trouble. You gotta make completely calculated decisions. Link can’t be making last minute decisions. Yeah, I thought you already knew that. I had confidence. That’s dangerous. And so I decide that I’m gonna go right. And I look to my left, and there’s no car coming right in my immediate lane on the left. But what about to the right? Because, spoiler alert, cars don’t come towards you on the left lane, on the median lane. Yeah, everyone else is also driving on the left side of the road, not just you. So I looked left. There was nobody coming because no one would ever be coming in that lane, and I start turning right instinctively. Again, I just reverted. And immediately , like someone was laid on the horn, slammed on brakes, and I slam on brakes. And it’s a really nice Land Rover, which goes past me and then slams completely on brakes in the road and stops to my left And gets out. The car stops. And there’s this moment where it’s like, oh, he’s still stopped. He’s still stopped. Oh, his caution lights are on. He’s getting out of his truck, and he’s in a huff. Well, yeah. He’s an old man. He’s kinda like hunched over. His shirt’s tucked into his pants, and his pants were up really high. That he just shit in a little bit. Right. And he starts coming up to the nearest side of the car, which is Christy’s side of the car, and she rolls her window down. Now, if you remember, many years ago, the altercation that I had at the gas station with the guy that I honked the horn at, who came back in to approach me, he came to Christy’s side and I rolled her window down, and I’ve gotten a lot of shit for that ever since because I put her in harm’s way by rolling the window down. So in this instance, I remembered that in that moment. That’s good. He, I mean, in fairness, the dude was probably 80. He was walking slow enough that I started to develop a plan. And as Christy was rolling down the window, I said, “Don’t roll your window down.” And I started, I hit the button to roll her window up, which froze the window at her eye level. Oh no. And then she looks at me and I was like, ah, yeah. And she lets go and the window goes up. And then I gesture to the guy come over to my side. Sure, okay, all right, now we’re talking. Mm-hm, and then I roll my window down to eye level. I’m not gonna give him a full window where he can get his 80-year-old fist through into my face. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He would have to take his 80-year-old fist, bring it up above his shoulder level, and then come down. And he probably can’t do that. And then the blow would’ve been, it would’ve been much more gentle. Right. So I was pretty strategic. And you could trap his hand. And I could trap his hand. That’s right. Yeah, yeah. I see where you’re going with this. So I rolled my window down just to eye level. ‘Cause I thought outta respect, I don’t want him to have to look at me through a window. Outta respect. And he’s yelling at me before he gets up to the window. But I don’t know if it was because he was old or because of his accent, but I could not understand a word this dude was saying. Okay, he’s a smoker. And I just waited for a gap in his tirade. And I said, “I’m sorry, sir.” And then he goes back into it again. It didn’t bring him down a notch at all. ‘Cause he heard your accent. Yeah, yeah. He’s like, just as I suspected. And I had no clue what he was saying again. And then I waited for another gap, and I said, “Yes, sir.” And then he walked back to his car, which was still in the middle of the road, gets back in and drives off. And I look over at Christy and she’s . God bless that woman. Just release. There’s a special place in heaven- Just releasing. There is a special place in heaven for Christy Neal. Thank God that I did not hit that guy. Thank God. Thank the kiwi gods. It’s, I mean, you know, you’re illustrating- It’s tough, man. It’s dangerous. It’s dangerous to just let somebody do that. Like I’m actually surprised. I’m not surprised that we don’t require any sort of steps in America. There should be a course. You can do anything in America without- Like you get the rental car at the airport, and you should have to go through a training. But other like responsible countries like New Zealand, it just feels like there should be something. See, that’s where you- If you’re gonna rent a car, you have to watch this video. This is where you’re wrong. Oh, come on. New Zealand is not that type of country. New Zealand, as I discovered, is a fun loving country of positivity. Everybody’s happy, everybody’s barefoot, walking around, smiling, having a good time. The friendliest people. You go into a pharmacy when you eventually find one, and you know what happens? The pharmacist comes out from behind the counter- Barefoot? Barefoot. And she starts telling you about all the drugs that can help whatever type of hay fever your son is dealing with. And spends time- How did she know he had hay fever? She just knows it when he walks in? He went through the hay fever door. We had a conversation! Oh, okay. That was the thing. It’s like they’re so freaking helpful there and friendly. You made it sound like she was, you know, clairvoyant. Clairvoyant? They’re clairvoyant over there. They’re super helpful and they like to have fun, dude. This is the place where bungee jumping was invented. Now, technically bungee jumping was invented in Vanuatu by, you know, a woman who wanted to get away from her horrible husband. And she survived the fall, the guy didn’t, so then women started tying vines to their feet and jumping off towers that they built out of twigs. Oh, I’ve seen that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then men eventually said, “Hey, you women are looking way too cool doing this, so we’re gonna take that from you, and now we’re gonna be the ones to do it.” Which is what they did. Right, right. But then, I mean, there was some kiwi dude, who basically turned that into a tourism sport of bungee jumping, which we saw firsthand over, like people jumping off a bridge. And you could jump into the, you could dip your toe. Well, not your toe. That would be jumping backwards. Your head. You could dip your head into the water if you wanted to. You could dunk your whole body into the water if you wanted to You didn’t do that though. No. No bungees. I didn’t wanna do it because I want you and me to do that together. Oh, okay. All right. I’m gonna have to do that for a bonafide video if I’m gonna do something that crazy. But this is where they invented it. You can also do it naked there. Okay. If you want to strip down nude, they will allow that. I don’t wanna poke my eye out. Officially. I supply my own bungee cord for that one. I think they got it. Hand fart noise. The thing that we did do on the Shotover River was we, and they tell you you gotta do this. They invented this type of boat called a jet boat. Oh, I’ve seen the videos of this. It’s basically a jet ski with stadium seating for like 16 people. And you go on a river and do 360s. Whoa. And these are like tight gorges, and these things can go- You can’t drive it though, right? No, no, no, no. I was about to say. Somebody else drives. Professional drivers, and you just buy $189 ticket to sit in there for a 25 minute ride, and it is, and we did this as a family. And it was- Christy went on this? Christy went on it and she said, “You know what, I’m excited to go on this.” ‘Cause you weren’t driving. I wasn’t, yeah. They can go in like a foot of water. Yeah. ‘Cause it’s jet ski propulsion. Yeah, it pulls water in and then shoots it out these jets that are like, you know, it’s low profile. And they go fast. And they can turn on a dime, like literally 360. And you’re going through these tight gorges, and the pilot makes it look like the front of this thing is gonna hit the side of the gorge. And then you’re like skidding out, and it was super thrilling. But when we were watching other people do it, waiting in the line, and, but there’s no orientation. And I’m pretty sure there was no waiver to sign. Now, we got in a line. Really. They said, “Anything that’s valuable, anything that you don’t wanna get wet, you can put in a locker.” And then you put on a PFD. They did put a life vest on you. And then you get in and you sit down, and then the pilot just holds up a placard. It’s like, “Keep your arms inside of the vehicle. You don’t wanna put your arms on the outside.” The difference between an Aussie accent and a Kiwi accent, as far as I can tell, is just the inflection at the end. So, keep your legs inside of the vehicle is my Aussie accent. It’s great, isn’t it? My kiwi accent is, keep your legs inside of the vehicle. That’s the difference. Okay. That’s the only difference in the accents. Okay. That is the only thing that he told us. There was no seatbelt. There was a bar and he said, “When I do this,” making a circular symbol, “That means we’re gonna do it 360, and you might wanna hold on at that point.” You know? That is the safety orientation. Right. I mean, in America, I guarantee you, I’da had to go through a class and I guaran-freaking-tee you, I’d be wearing a seatbelt. Now, maybe there’s something about being a boat, and if it turns over, you’d rather get tossed out. I don’t know, but- Yeah, that’s why you don’t wear seat belts in boats. You’d still wear one in America. My point still kinda stands. They like to have fun over there. We had a blast. Christy loved that. I was like, you loved that? You’re afraid of flying, you’re afraid of going in caves, you’re afraid of a lot of stuff. And I respect that. Some of this stuff isn’t for everybody. But this was an extreme boating activity. And she’s like, “I just love being on the water.” And I’m like, what? Okay, wow. Well, you gotta get a boat, man. I was like, well, I gotta get you on a boat, girl! Yeah, and then when we got off, Lando was like, “This is the best thing I’ve ever done!” You know, you have those moments where you’re like, you just, where the kids are just like exuberant about something. Like, Lily was absolutely exuberant about Hobbiton. And when we took a tour to Isenguard, we freaking showed up where Sauron’s Tower was. Of course, there’s not one there. It’s actually like a river bed. Super picturesque. What did they just kind of digitized it in there? Yeah, where they digitized it in, but like, we literally went there. And so to watch the kids just be ecstatic about it. Lincoln and I went scuba diving at poor Knights Islands, which was like an amazing- How was that? Scuba diving experience, like scuba diving with these rays and lots of fish and- How cold was the water? These little, it was about the same it is as you would wear like a seven mil wetsuit. He had a head cold leading up to it. I had convinced him that, listen, you’re probably just gonna have to snorkel. You’re not gonna be able to go ’cause you’re not gonna be able to clear, to equalize. But he was able to, and he was able to go, and it was just like, for each kid to like have their moment, and for Christy to have her boat moment, and, you know, it’s like, and then you, as a dad, the thing that I started doing was like looking at the moments where the kids were deciding to take photos. Like that’s telling, you know? It’s like when they feel like something’s photo worthy. So it was nice to see each of ’em kinda pick their moments. And Lando’s was the jet boat. But they do love to have fun down there, and they want you to jump off of stuff. The most thrilling thing for me was we went to Waitomo caves. Waitomo, I don’t know how- Waitomo? Waitomo! And saw, we put on wetsuits, we got in inner tubes, and we hiked down into caves where there’s like water rushing through it, and we like inner tubed into the darkness and saw glow worms on the ceiling when like we killed our headlamps. This was like- These are real? Two and a half hours. Yes, these are real. Glow worms are real? Glow worms are real, and it was like- How big are they? They’re really small, and you kill off all the lights, and you’re like drifting in this pitch black cave river stream, and it just looks like constellations. I mean, that was my favorite thing because it was so otherworldly and unlike anything I had ever done. Like, caves are so cool, and like there were certain points where there would be like waterfalls where you had to line up and put your back to the waterfall with the inner tube around your butt and jump backwards into darkness, and land in like two meters is pretty far to jump backwards. It’s my height. Yeah, so we jumped off of a couple of waterfalls. One that was that tall. How cold was that water? That was colder. That was, it was probably- So they give you wet suits for that? Oh yeah. Yeah. And that was thrilling. And the glow worms, as it turns out, are just maggots. They’re just flies. Oh, glow maggots. They’re fly larvae that poop out a glowy substance that is a lure for the stuff that they eat, like little flies and stuff, insects to go in there, and they go towards the glowy thing, but then they’ve dropped another string, like a silk string, and they catch ’em in that, and then they slurp ’em up and they eat ’em, and they eat these things until they get enough strength to go into a cocoon. And then they take that strength of eating that stuff, they make a cocoon, and then they come out the other side as a male or female fly, and then they just, they get together- You really listened to the tour guide. All the, and then they mate, and then the male dies because he doesn’t have any more energy. Oh gosh. ‘Cause you know how much energy it takes. Yeah, it does. Everything you got. Especially on the ceiling. And then the female takes the energy she’s got, and she lays like a whole slurry of eggs up there on the ceiling. And then the first, and then she dies! And then the first one that hatches eats all the other ones before they hatch so that he can get enough energy to poop out some glow shit and start the whole freaking process over again. Nature is beautiful. What is the point of life? All of the beauty of nature is for sex or death. It’s for perpetuation. They don’t even get enough energy when they turn into flies to develop eyes or mouths. They cannot see or eat. All they can do is screw and die. There are worse things. Would you rather only be able to eat or only be able to screw? And it was beautiful. Ask a worm. It was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen in a cave. Ask a maggot. Yeah. We had a wonderful time. It was probably the best trip I’ve ever been on. Wow. Yeah. So it’s better than Australia. It was action packed, and- It was more catered towards actual just the enjoyment part, whereas when we were in Australia, we were also touring, and it was- Right, right, right. Not that that isn’t incredibly enjoyable, but it’s work at the same time. Right, and the activities we did, like Hobbiton was one of a kind, the glow worm cave was one of a kind, the scuba location, one of a kind. And then like all of the other “Lord of the Rings” stuff was really amazing, so like… You recommend it. I loved it. I love it. I wanna go back. I would definitely go back to Queenstown. I loved it there. It was beautiful. I’d like to visit Wellington. Didn’t get to go there. Well, I didn’t go to New Zealand. No you didn’t. Or Old Zealand. I went to North Carolina. That’s okay. I told you that I wanted to have a staycation. That was the plan. We were gonna go to North Carolina for a few days. And then come back to LA, and you said, well, you can tell ’em. Treat it like a tourist would treat the city. Well, that’s a great plan until your son gets the flu. Yeah. And Locke getting the flu really put a damper on the family plans. What were you gonna do? Walk around Hollywood Boulevard? No, well, we ended up going, we like we went to like, I had never been to the Getty Villa. Oh yeah. Which is very cool. You did do that. We did do that. We were gonna do that light show thing at Descanso, but like, actually, that night, it rained. That’s why we didn’t go. That was before Christmas. But we had, you know, we went to a couple of restaurants, and like the Lakers-Clippers game that we went to last night was the last thing to do during the break or whatever. But the big plan that we had was to have, and this is Jessie’s idea, and I kinda was reluctant, but I ended up going along with it, was to have a New Year’s party, a New Year’s Eve party. And- A big one, right? Well, it started as let’s have some friends over, and then it turned into, well, let’s invite, you know, let’s invite this person, let’s invite this person. And then it was like a last minute thing like- There’s a certain type of friend that’s the threshold friend that if you think about inviting them, then all of a sudden, the floodgates open. Right, and it was- And you don’t tell ’em they’re that type of friend though. Two weeks before, this announcement comes out two weeks before New Year’s Eve, so this is basically if you don’t have plans, long story short, when Locke got the flu, he was still pretty much in the throes of it at that time, and we were like, well, we might get the flu. Maybe we’ve got the flu, and we don’t know that we’ve got the flu yet. We don’t need to invite a bunch of people to our house to all get the flu for the beginning of the year. So we, actually, we rescheduled the party. So now, you can come. Yes. It’s Saturday. Oh! Yeah. Oh, okay. You’re invited. Oh, thank you. You’re probably already, your family via your wife probably already knows this. Okay. I kinda thought I’d be snowboarding, but maybe I’ll be there. Well, if you’re snowboarding, it’s fine. Okay. So the, but what we ended up doing, because as the date approached, and Jessie and I were not sick and Locke was getting better, but we had basically already said, hey, we’re not doing the party, our good friends, Ralph and Heather, were like, “Well, if you guys wanna come over on New Year’s Eve, we can hang out on New Year’s Eve, you know, just us, and Ralph really wants to cook.” He’s a good cook. He’s a great cook. And anytime Ralph says that he wants to cook, like Ralph puts my little chicken sandwiches and paella and all, you know, the five things that I’ve kinda tried to perfect, he puts it all to shame. Because I do like this big thing that everyone can eat all at the same time. And Ralph was like,” I’m doing a coursed meal.” Let me just show you one course. This is at someone’s home. This is just Ralph in his kitchen making stuff and then bringing it to the table. Wow, there’s three plates stacked there. And so this, my friend- Is teetering bacon. Is, no, so this is lobster. Oh. Butter poached lobster, and then on top of it is, that’s potatoes. Teetering taters. And then some sort of leeks or something and some sort of beets. I don’t, this is just one of like seven, this man’s a maniac. Wow. And it was just for us. And he had the French Laundry cookbook. Now, just so you understand, like this is like one of the best restaurants in the world. It’s the kinda thing that if I were to look at the French Laundry cookbook, I would be lost immediately and not able to follow any of the steps because it requires all this background culinary knowledge that he just has. Well, you have to be Swiss. More French. And- He’s Swiss though. He’s Swiss. And it was freaking incredible. And I was just, like I was, I kept telling him, I was like, “Ralph, this is so much better than it needs to be.” You know what I’m saying? Like, hey, we didn’t need it to be this excellent of an experience. And then we were all joking about, Ralph, you should open a restaurant. And then we realized it would just be called Ralph’s. And then we realized that that’s a grocery store, and so it would be confusing. And so then we determined that it would be called Ralph’s, and then in parentheses, not the grocery store, the restaurant. Kinda undersells it, but that’s good to lower expectations. So anyway. Better than it needs to be. That was- The slogan. That was, I gotta say, you know me, I like to eat. That was the highlight of my break was the food, and specifically the food provided to me by my Swiss friend, Ralph. The highlight of New Zealand was not the food for me. You notice I didn’t talk about that at all. They call burgers with chicken, chicken burgers. They call chicken sandwiches, chicken burgers. Okay. I don’t love that. You don’t tip there. It’s included in the- Well, there’s no tipping. So as nice as everybody is- Well, that means they probably pay people fair wages. I do think that that is what happens, but as nice as everybody was, the service was not great at restaurants. It’s just like people don’t expect it to be that great, and ’cause they’re not, and I think that the tipping thing is part of that. Was there any, I know that you were more in like adventure mode, but when you were in the cities, was there like, tonight, we’re going to this nice restaurant. Yeah, and ate some of the best Indian food I’ve ever had. I mean, it’s, you know, it’s gonna sound like I’m talking about London here. I’ll say I ate some of the worst Indian food I’ve ever had too, but it was just, we were outside of town. Well, yeah, I mean, the best thing that they have are meat pies and you can just get ’em everywhere. Gas stations, it’s very similar to Australia. We need that here. We need more meat pies. Now, there’s certain, and you can find a couple of places that’ll have a meat pie, but like they have ’em everywhere, like steak and cheese, venison and plum. They got good coffee though, right? Like Australia? And then coffee just like in our experience in Australia, especially in Melbourne. Like they care about coffee. Every sign, like when you’re driving down the road, there’ll be signs for two things, coffee and toilets. Like they care about, and those things go together. They go hand in hand. They go hand in hand in hand. But as a coffee needer, as a coffee addict, like that matters to me. Like where am I gonna get my next coffee? Where’s it gonna come from? You never have to worry about that in New Zealand because everybody’s constantly worrying about it. And the thing that gets me about toilets though is that they call bathrooms toilets. I don’t like that. It’s like don’t- What do they call the toilet, the commode? They just call it toilet. I don’t know, I guess they call it toilets ’cause I mean it is a toilet, but like, and there would be signs everywhere. They’re just like toilets. And it’s like don’t- Yeah, I don’t wanna think about the toilet. Don’t say, don’t put, don’t say toilets. Just you could say restroom, bathroom. But they don’t think about it in the same way. No, and they say it to you too. It’s like, “Toilet.” They say it. They say the word toilet. But it makes more sense. Ah. How often do you bathe in the bathroom? But restroom, that’s nice. It’s like, oh, a little respite here. A little, take a little seat. How often do you rest? I saw a guy at the Getty Villa, who came into the restroom while I was in there, and, boy, did he rest when he urinated. You know, like putting your arm up on the wall over the urinal and just going, ugh. Like getting ready to nap standing up while you piss. Yeah. What is that about? Maybe he saw some really breathtaking art, and he was just, you know, completely pooped. I think some people, when they release down there, it just like, it ripples through everything. But why you gotta put your whole like, it was like arm on the wall, head into the arm. You’re just like, oh yeah. It’s like he was experiencing the best thing ever. And it is pleasurable to pee. You were jealous. But I don’t wanna be touching- No. Why do people, when they’re at a water fountain, like… Suckle? I’ve seen people like, they like push and then they’ll just like . I haven’t seen that since grade school, man. Well, go to an airport. Let me tell ya. Yeah, yeah, I don’t get on those water fountains in airports, man. All right, and that leads me to my rec this week. Rec baby, rec baby. First one of 2024 for me. I know this’s our second episode, but it’s the first one we’ve done in 2024. Never use the shorter water fountain. ‘Cause more people suck on it. That’s your rec? That’s my belief. That is my belief. I mean, because of kids. Kids will suck on a water fountain. Kids’ll suck on a water fountain. They will. And if there’s two, go to the higher one. And then- I always do. Yeah, you do. So I guess I’m in the clear. You still at like a giraffe at a stream. Yeah. So we’re back at it, y’all. We survived. My family survived. See, that’s what Christy does. A slow breath out. I love New Zealand. I highly recommend it. Me too. All right, let us know, #earbiscuits, what you thinking about all this? Remember, leave us a review wherever you listen to this. It is very helpful, especially if it’s a positive review. Especially. So if this show means something to you, put it in a review. That would mean something great to us. And if you have a question or a comment, or just wanna tell us something, then you can call the voicemail number at 1-888- EARPOD1! Talk at you next week. Hi, Rhett and Link. I am stuck in traffic, and I just wanted to say that I don’t think I could get through bumper to bumper traffic for 40 minutes in a sane, healthy, well-behaved manner at work if I didn’t have “Ear Biscuits.”