Welcome to Ear Biscuits, the podcast where two lifelong friends talk about life for a long time. I’m Rhett. And I’m Link. This week, at the round table of dim lighting, we are gonna hear about your new tattoo. Yes, first of all- We gotta go ahead and say, “That’s gonna happen.” I’m gonna divulge. I’m going to explain it. Yeah, you got some splaining to do, ’cause I’m personally, like when I glanced at it, first time I saw it, I was completely- Confused. I was confused and- Jealous, of course. But also- Jealous. Offended. I was offended. Okay. What I think it meant offended me deeply. Good. Speaking of which, we’re on the heels of the Super Bowl, so we gotta talk about Taylor Swift. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We’re recording this, as you might guess, after, well, before the Super Bowl happens. It happens this weekend. But we will, I guarantee you, react and act and talk as if we actually saw it. We know exactly what happened. I’m gonna predict a score. I’m gonna be 100% right. Well, the thing that I’m gonna be, we’re both gonna be 100% right on is what each track of her new album is about, because we have inside information. That’s right, that’s right. About what each song from her new album is gonna be about. So stay tuned for that, Ear Biscuiteers. That’s a good tease. I wanna talk to you about something though, because I caught you in the act last night. Yeah. I was a bit embarrassed. So, yeah. Explain yourself. I do want to know what you were thinking when you walked in on me. I was like, “Why has he got sunglasses on?” Why do you got sunglasses on? Well, I’ll let you tell it. Okay. So I had picked up Shepherd from his tutoring. Of course, we had been working together all day. Yeah, we’ve been together all day. Seeing you all day, and then what? I left and you left. And I was coming back to go to my house, but I needed a capo. Sometimes, a guy needs a capo. Actually, Shepherd needed a capo. And I was like, “Oh, I’ll go by the creative house to grab my capo because I’ve got one there.” And I pull up to the creative house and I see one Mr. Link Neal’s car. Uh-huh. Like eight o’clock on a weeknight. I mean, this man’s an hour and 20 minutes away from being in bed. What is he doing at the creative house? Right. Alone, presumably. And then I’m like, I don’t see any other cars, ’cause I was like, “Oh, is this like scooter club?” Your little buddies that you meet with all the time. Are they having a secret meeting and like planning something? What could be going on? And I was actually, I don’t know if you noticed, as I walked in, ’cause there’s the outer door and then there’s the inner door. I tried to make a lot of noise as I was coming in, because I was like, “I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t know if like Link and Christie wanted a change in scenery.” Sometimes that happens, you know? Sometimes- On your desk, sure. Right. And so I was like, “I don’t know what I’m walking myself into here.” Walking myself. There’s no doorbell. Is that how you think about walking? Walking myself- Like you’re escorting yourself to places? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It’s a mental thing. And so I was like making a lot like extra noise on the outer door. And then I got to- And was it the outer door? Locked. It was locked. The outer door and the inner door were locked. And I was like, “What is going on? Should I just turn around? Maybe he doesn’t need a capo.” And then I got to the main door and I heard music playing. And I was like, “Well, that doesn’t necessarily change anything that could be happening.” I knocked. At which point, your dogs started barking like crazy. You didn’t come to the door. I unlock the door, I walk in, and I see you standing in a tank top and sunglasses with headphones on. That’s your DJ thing. I caught Elkhound Snugglebaby in the act of Elkhound Snugglebabying. All alone. With nothing but my dogs. But yeah, I was wearing, yeah. You’re getting into character. You didn’t have your antlers at least. Yeah, I wasn’t in full garb. I didn’t have my complete cosplay on. I wasn’t wearing my fur tunic and my huge antlers, which is real. I do have that. Right. For certain special public appearances, of which I’ve only made one. One counts. But yeah, I was immediately self-conscious. Christie and Lando were at like a high school orientation, and the foley freaking going to high school. So like they’re doing like- They’re already orienting him? Getting you into the high school, getting you in the door. So as I explained to Lando, like you can get all your nerves out over time. You can get acclimated, you can be nervous for this thing that doesn’t matter, which is like an orientation, information session. You’d be less nervous when you actually go to high school. Yeah. But I was not invited. How’s that work? Limited space? No, I was specifically not invited by my son. Oh, because- Let’s face it, I’m a famous- You’re a famous DJ. Famous DJ. Might be recognized. And yeah, so his preference was for me to not be there. And my preference was also to not be there. Yeah, win-win. Because I was thinking, “Ooh, okay. While the cat’s away, the DJ mouse will play.” Yeah, you don’t wanna be a DJ mouse. That’s already a thing. Already taken. I’ve been working on this complete vinyl DJ setup at the creative house. I bought a mixer, and then I brought over my record player from home. But then I’m like, “You know what? I want a record player at home.” So I like bought another record player. It’s turned into an expensive hobby. And so had a new record player to set up and connected with my mixer and do it in such a way to establish and start to grease the skits for my vision, which is to be able to DJ in this space as a form of practice and social connection. Okay. Around music. But yeah, I was setting up the record and I got hot. Oh. I got hot. So I took my sweatshirt off and I happened to have a, you know, I had a white tank top underneath. So there was an outside chance you would’ve just been shirtless if you didn’t have a tank top on, which would’ve been even more interesting. I think it was the tank top that was making me hot, ironically. I probably would’ve just left the sweatshirt on and opened the door. But instead, yeah, I took the sweatshirt off and I had on a tank top, yeah. And it was rainy when I was driving there. And when I’m driving there in the rain, I put on those orange sunglasses that are like tinted to make the rain feel like it’s got a sunny tint to it. And my head hurts from wearing the same glasses all day. They poke in the exact same place. So when I get in the car, I usually always put on a different type of glasses. Oh. So that’s the real reason. For your driving glasses. And then because they’re tinted, I forgot to take them off when I went into the creative house. I thought that you were practicing, you know how like DJs who have like some sort of obstruction on their head, in your case, it’s sunglasses. Right? You’re like, “I gotta know how to do this with limited vision.” You thought I was, ’cause when you came in, you like looked at me, and you’re like, “I gotta get the thing.” And I’m like, “Hey.” And I was like about to explain what I’m explaining now, but you were moving so fast. Well, Shepherd was in the car. Seemed like you wanted to get out of there pretty fast. I did. So I didn’t get to explain it. So you left thinking that I was cosplaying as a DJ all alone. Well, I mean, I would expect that that’s what all DJs do. I mean, you had to find it a little laughable. But I just imagine that the best DJs in the world do their act like- In the way that, oh. Whatever they do with their hands, you know they sit in rooms alone and do that stuff, right? Like pump their fists? Whatever. I don’t know what DJs do, I don’t study the art. Me neither, really. I’m just kinda reinventing it all on my own. Yeah. But yeah, I was a bit self-conscious when you walked in. And here I was, just like pretending. I didn’t embarrass you though. I didn’t say anything embarrassing. No, but I was like- Didn’t laugh. Externally. I mean, it had to have been a pretty funny scene. But let me tell you, I had the best time ever. How much longer did you stay there? By myself. Past your bedtime? Probably three. Yeah, I got home at 9:30. Oh, good. Six, seven, eight, nine. I was working on it for like three hours. Most of it was like debugging stuff. It wasn’t even like practicing DJing. Now, I can finally do that, ’cause I’ve been setting up this equipment. But the thing that occurred to me was, I am having so much fun just over here all by myself, setting up this equipment and doing this hobby of mine. And then I realized I had a flashback. It felt exactly how it used to feel as an only child in my room playing with my GI Joes, getting them exactly how I wanted them. I would spend hours alone in my room listening to music and this posing GI Joe figures. And now, as a 45-year-old man, I am doing the exact same thing. Well, that could be part of your deal. Playing. What if you had little- By myself- Gi Joe figures and WrestleMania figures that were on the record, spinning and things. And it was like, if you get a closeup of Elkhound Snugglebaby set up, he’s playing with toys at the same time. I need to focus on the skills. I’m just saying maybe that’s like level two. Like fully embrace the play aspect of what you’re doing. Have some little figures. Now that I have a complete vinyl setup, I can still do a digital setup, but I kinda like the limitation of only playing the vinyl that I have. And it gives me an excuse to keep buying records. So with this particular setup, there is no pre-programed playlist. This is like, “I got a record playing a song, and I got another record on deck about to play another song, and I gotta keep switching the whole time.” Oh, yeah. And is there a digital safety net? No. In this system? Not yet. Will there ever be? Yeah, there will be eventually because you wanna be able to play songs that you don’t own. Requests. But I like that the challenge of just playing what I own. The next big frontier for me is, I almost don’t wanna say it. Scratching. Oh, is that still a thing? Of course it’s a thing. Like I said, I don’t study the art, man. And it’s having a resurgence of like hip hop DJs, but like it takes another level of cojones to start scratching in front of people, ’cause then you’re not just playing music- ‘Cause you can’t lose the beat. That’s the thing. Well, yeah. I mean, but just the fact that you’re doing it is kind of like your friend walks in on you and you’re like, you know what I was doing. Wearing sunglasses and a tank top. And if you’d been scratching when I walked in, I would’ve just walked right out. I would’ve left my capo out there. You’d have dashed out. But I’m having the time of my life all by myself with just me and my dogs and my records, pretending that I’m DJing a party that no one’s shown up for. It’s great. Well, you gotta DJ your own party before you DJ anybody else. Exactly. I mean, I realize I do sit things solitarily, like I mountain bike by myself a lot. I do some hiking. We’ve both done some solo trips, but I’ve never said, “I’m gonna go to my room and play with my toys.” You might watch a movie by yourself. I might listen to music by myself at home. But I’ve never just gone to my, I’ve gone to my clubhouse and played with my toys. I mean, this is another level of like- Yeah? And it’s exhilarating. I don’t play video games. I don’t play video games. You don’t play video games. We don’t do that. Yeah, so like, just playing by myself, this is a new thing for me. But it’s making you happy. So happy. It’s important. I mean, did I seem happy when I didn’t seem embarrassed when you walked in? You seem experiencing joy. Yeah, I was. It was the best thing ever. I’ll invite you over at the right time for the right listening party. What am I gonna do? You’re gonna listen. Just sit there in front of you? You’re gonna listen to music Just by myself? Maybe. I just sit on the couch opposite Elkhound Snugglebaby and just watch HIM? I don’t know about that. I feel bringing somebody. Can I bring my wife? Yes, yes. Can we make out, me and my wife? No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can we dance? If that’s where I take you, if that’s the feelings that start coming up, then I feel like that that would be a testimony to my ability to usher you into- A state of rapture. A zone. Yeah, a state of rapture. So, yeah, yeah. Well, I look forward to it. All right, I’m not quite ready. I’m easing into it. I’m like having different subsets of people come over at different times, and I’m kinda laying the groundwork. I got a record collecting friend of mine coming over Saturday night. Oh, okay. And we’re gonna play some records and, you know, listen to each other’s records You’re putting together the foundation. And practicing. So I’m actually pretty damn excited about it. I am too. It might be moving above snowboarding. Whoa, careful now. Yeah, I know. To number two. So that’s it. Next time, I will be shirtless. I think maybe the only request I would make is if we could have some sort of maybe red light or something that is on over the front door, if you’re in that state, just so I know what I’m walking into. Is this a DJ session or is this something else? Just some kind of system. Lonely Nights DJ. Okay. Okay. We’ve got a book that we would love you to purchase. And not just because we want you to purchase it. We actually think you’re gonna love the hell out of this cookbook. I think you’re gonna wanna cook with it because it is a cookbook. This is The Mythical Cookbook. It has recipes from the show that we love, you know, and then it also has a whole lot of new original recipes that Josh and the mythical kitchen crew have put together. Every single thing that I’ve tasted that is in this cookbook is legitimately amazing and legitimately creative. Oh, yeah, that’s actually the one that’s just got the cover on it. This is a fake book. We only have one actual real one right now. Okay. And Josh did such a good job on this. I mean, first of all, you know how knowledgeable Josh is about food. He’s also a great writer and he’s very funny. And the whole team contributed to the recipes. It was a group effort. The only thing that we did was present it to you and then get into some of the photos. Smells good. So we present this to you, The Mythical Cookbook, mythicalcookbook.com, where you can go and get yourself- The cookbook. Pre-order a copy right now. It’s coming out in March, I think. Ear Biscuit is supported by Rosetta Stone. This summer, I’m planning on traveling to a country where they do not speak English as their first language. Are you planning on learning it? I’m planning on learning enough to get by. In comes Rosetta Stone, the most trusted language learning program available on desktop or as an app that truly immerses you in the language you wanna learn and makes you wanna learn more than just enough to get by. They’ve used trusted experts for 30 years with millions of users and 25 languages offered, some of which include Spanish, French, German, Korean, Japanese, Arabic, and Polish. You can pick up a language fast, and they really test your brain by having no English translation. So you really learn to speak, listen, and think in the language you’re learning. And just so you sound good when you speak, they have a built-in true accent feature that gives you feedback on your pronunciation. It’s truly an amazing value. 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I’m talking all the way change. Wow. And when I got all the way down, I broke out some of those Mando wipes. All the way down. And I used them, and everyone in the car was grateful. I’m taking a group of teen boys onto a subway trip. Mando it up. I gotta bring it along. Mando whole body deodorant does what it says. It goes everywhere. Your pits, package, feet, skin folds, back, knees, wherever you think you might stank. It’s clinically proven to control odor everywhere, but gentle enough for your sensitive bits since it’s pH balanced. And it’s formulated and powered by mandelic acid to stop odor before it starts. More like a pre-deodorant. So you can smell the difference from your arm balls. I said arm balls. I get it. Your underarms. Some people got ’em. To your under balls with cologne quality scents. Mando has a starter pack that comes with a solid stick deodorant, cream tube deodorant, two free products of your choice, like mini body wash and deodorant wipes, and free shipping. As a special offer, new customers get $5 off a Mando starter pack with code EAR at shopmando.com. That equates to over 40% off your starter pack when you visit Shop Mando, M-A-N. Boy, that big game last night was amazing. I certainly bit some of my nails. Yeah, it’s hard to believe that in the end, the Chiefs pulled it off 34 to 24. It was a little touch and go in the first half. But the experience of my homies, as I like to call ’em, really, at the end of the day, I think pulled them through. And yeah, that 10-point victory That set up- Beat the spread, or I don’t know. I actually don’t know who was favored. I mean, and then, I mean, what can you say about Usher? I mean, the fact that his theme was, he chose to like go all in on usher. Like, yes, that’s his name, but to like be an usherette, like he was like directing people to their seats. Yeah, yeah. And selling peanuts. Right. Like do you need help with your ticket? When he did it to one person, do you need help finding your seat? Like I was like, “Oh, that’s funny.” And then when he did it again, I was like- He’s really committed to this bit. And then by like the 20th person that he helped find their seat, the altercation was interesting. Like where it was, oh, somebody thought it was their seat. They were already in it. And then Usher’s like, “No, this isn’t your seat.” Remember that? Oh, you DJ Khaled. He was escorted out. Right. But he was adamant. And he was like, “Another one,” ’cause this is not the first time this has happened. Right. He was adamant that it was his seat. And he was like, “This is my seat.” And then he looked at the ticket and he was like, he hung his head and he laughed. It was kind of sad. And then Kelce with four receptions for a total, I can’t believe it, 91 receiving yards. And I love the fact that every single time he caught it, and that one touchdown that he caught. And then when he caught it and he spiked the ball, and then he looked up into the box where none other than Tay Tay was there doing the- Nay, nay. What is that thing? It was a really beautiful moment. But that was the only time that they cut away to Taylor Swift. One time. Which is interesting. Only once. You would’ve thought it would’ve happened a bunch. Yeah, but it only happened the one time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is she here? Did she make it? I kept thinking that. Oh, there she is. And they waited for exactly the right time. And then of course the celebration- Oh, the celebration. Oh, my gosh. When Travis went right past his mother and just like pushed her out of the- She fell down. Right. His mom is still on the ground. Still on the ground. And then embraced Taylor. And then everyone, the media turned all of their attention away from anyone else and formed a circle of cameras around them that began rotating. It was like a Greek dance. And then they did that weird reenactment of that scene from The Matrix, because they had all the cameras around them and all the cameramen were like, “Oh, we can do that thing where it’s like 360.” And then Taylor started doing that thing where the bullets and Travis was acting like he was doing it too. Right, right, right. Bullet’s added in post, I will point out. Of course. There was some sort of a time delay. That was wonderful. It was wonderful, it was wonderful. And then when she pulled her hamstring. Yeah, that’s really what stopped it. That was the end. They cut away. It was like, and it was really because she had the compression socks on the flight back from Tokyo. And so she hadn’t moved her legs enough. She hasn’t stretched enough, because she’s, I mean, that woman is in shape. She run around every single night. You know what I’m saying? That woman is in shape. To pull a muscle is completely unexpected. And I blame it completely on the compression socks. I’m sure that’s exactly, that’s what happened. That’s what happened. As you might already know, we don’t really talk about pop culture. It’s never really been our thing. And it’s not gonna start being our thing. Or sports. But leave it to Taylor Swift to make us talk about both. Yeah. Why out of all the, like we couldn’t be the podcast that didn’t. No, we can’t. Well, here’s the thing. Everyone’s got a take on this. There’s lots of tired takes. I mean, obviously, the most tired take is all the football bros who are upset, who are upset about the fact that there had been cutting to shots of Taylor. What was that calculation that you showed us? How much money has Taylor made The Chiefs? It’s like a hundred- 330 million. Yeah, lots of money. Yeah, of course. I don’t watch NFL. I haven’t watched NFL football, and I did because I was like, The Chiefs were on one Sunday, and I was like, “Oh, they’re gonna…” I’m just interested in the phenomenon of this. Do they cut to Taylor? Is that what happens? And then they did. And it’s just like, the whole thing works. And then there are people who think that the whole thing was scripted, which, since the Chiefs won 34 to 24, just like I said they would, you gotta start thinking that maybe it was. This is all orchestrated by NFL. I mean, it’s undeniably positive and powerful PR. Oh, yeah. Enough for it to be rigged, you have to ask. And then of course you got the conspiracy that this is all just orchestrated by the progressive left to take over the minds of the youth of America and get them to vote democratic. And that’s what this is all about. And she’s an agent. She’s an agent of the left. But it’s really, talk about unprecedented in terms of like the confluence of pop culture. It’s really unprecedented. Well, I think about the fact that the thing that sort of, I think that bothers me, not about their relationship but about everyone’s response to it is that we just happened to live in a time where everyone has to have a take. Like two famous people can’t, like just think about it. Go back in time when we were kids and like, what if Jerry Rice started dating Janet Jackson? And we would’ve been like- All right. This is like, we would’ve been like, “That’s kind of amazing. Let me just think about that.” We just think about it. We just think about it. Because you can’t see ’em. They don’t have social media. Let me just think about Janet Jackson and Jerry Rice right now. Let me just think about it. And that would be it. Well, I would be like, well, let me think about it until 7:30 tonight when I can watch a little blurb on Entertainment Tonight. Exactly, but you wouldn’t be like- Which my mom and I watched every single night every week. I gotta have a take on this. I gotta take a side. I have to have an opinion about this relationship. I have to have an opinion about, like, things just don’t happen anymore without comment. We lived in a time things, most things, by the way, happened without comment. You might think a little bit about ’em. You might talk to your friends about ’em. But it wasn’t like, “I’ve gotta say something about it. I should think something about this.” Like, “I’m not a fan.” “I am a fan.” “I don’t really know about this.” “I like this.” It’s sort of culturally sad, ultimately. What I’m saying is just like- When this is the thing that you have to have an opinion on, specifically. I think just beyond the fact that like, “Okay, they seem happy. That’s wonderful. Why do I need to think anything else beyond that? Oh, it’s interesting. The NFL is making more money because of this. That’s an interesting little marketing thing. We’ll study that next year in marketing 101.” Whatever. But I don’t know. My hot take is I just think that having hot takes is sad. It’s sad that we have to have a take. Yeah, I definitely don’t want to have any hot takes on like what her new album tracks are about right now. Right, and how they might like play into certain conspiracies about her. And we would never do that. We would never make up stuff about Taylor Swift that’s not true. So let’s get to it. Okay. So Tay Tay released her album art on the heels during the Grammys. Yeah. Pretty big night for us, honestly, because that was when we found out that one of our friends, he made the album. Posty’s on track one. He’s on track one. Which gives me sort of an existential crisis because, can you be a Taylor Swift fan and also be a Miley Cyrus fan? What did you think I was gonna say? Of course you can. You didn’t get my joke? Of course you can. Of course you can. So Taylor Swift has released her album art, which featured the tracks right there on the front cover. 17 of ’em. What she has not said is what each song is about. But wouldn’t you like to know? We’re gonna take care of that for you. Track number one is called “Fortnight.” Fortnight, of course, is her capitalizing on her purchase of the video game Fortnite. Yeah, yeah. Which she now owns. This will become public knowledge. You don’t mean one brand. You mean one copy of it. You mean the whole brand. Yeah, right, I’m talking about she owns the video game and the company that makes it. Epic Studios, right? Of course. Fortnight is the new theme song for the game. And it is performed by Taylor Swift herself. Of course, you’re gonna be disappointed to find out that Post Malone’s feature is just the sound of him doing the floss. Oh, it’s just the sound of it? Yeah, yeah, it’s just like the wisping of his clothes while flossing. But it’s a pretty raspy, pretty raspy whistle. Yeah, he is doing a Fortnite dance and the ASMR of that. Oh, it’s a little disappointing. A little disappointing. A little disappointing. But a lot of Taylor Swift, every single player now in Fortnite will be Taylor Swift. Okay, well, something to be excited about. Different eras of. All the different eras. The Tortured Poets Department, the title track, this is actually how, this is really a message about how Taylor finds her power. And that is in Taylor’s basement. She is and has been for a long time torturing poets, specifically teen poets. Teenage poets, ’cause you can’t be too old. Not children but teens. She’s torturing them. She’s putting them through all kinds of psychological torture and some physical torture. Their adrenaline is really pumping. And she has been harvesting the adrenachrome or adenachrome or whatever it is. Right from a big, long, really swirly straw. She sticks a big pink swirly straw into each one of the teens and sucks on it. And that’s how she has that power that she has. Yes. And then she chases that by vaping tween hormone. Yep. She does. Track number three, “My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys.” Of course, you could guess this one. It is indeed about Travis Kelce. Yeah. Her boy and his celebrations in the end zone where he’s grabbing and spiking the football. Okay. You know? How he destroys the football by spiking it. It’s not too deep. No, it’s not too deep. The song was gonna be called, “I Love How He Grabs His Pig Skin.” Oh. Oh God. But she decided against that. I’m glad she did. Yeah. Track number four, “Down Bad.” This is a subliminal message to keep everyone from going south to Antarctica to find her lair. Is that where it is? ‘Cause it’s like, “Down bad, down bad.” Anytime somebody gets in a plane, anytime somebody starts traveling, they know “down bad.” Stay away from the bottom of the earth where the ice wall is, ’cause when you get to the ice wall and you find the door, you go in and that’s Taylor’s deal down there. That’s where she’s doing most of her like world-domination planning. That’s where her entire council is. And that’s where the poets are in the basement. No, they’re in LA. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, the poets are in LA. She’s got basements everywhere. Okay. Yeah, yeah. I just thought it was a Dreamville cover. Yeah. The song already exists. Track number five, “So Long, London” is a non-sequitur in the album, where she just sings about how long it takes to get across the City of London. Oh. Wow, and how long is that? Seven days on foot. Oh. Yeah, it’s a lot. You might run across- Further across thank you think. Right. Track number six, “But Daddy, I Love Him.” This is actually a script for teen girls whose dads are conservative Trump voters. And it’s about how they can defend to their dad, first time voters, why they’re voting for Biden, okay? But Daddy, I love him. That’s good. And it’s just a script. That’s helpful. ‘Cause the last thing we want y’all to do is think, right? Don’t think, just go into the kitchen and just read this exact script to your dad. Or you could sing it. You could sing it. You could sing it. You can make it a whole performance. Whatever’s the most effective. I do like that the dad is in the kitchen. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, he is, he’s in the kitchen. But he’s eating in the kitchen. This one’s not- And reading his paper. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where are we at? Track number seven, “Fresh Out The Slammer.” Oh. This is set in the future. When after the woman who was tracking her private gets outta prison from the suit. So it’s about what Taylor is going to do to the college student who has been tracking her private jet after she gets out of prison because of the lawsuit. Oh, I can’t wait to hear that one. Can lawsuit send you to prison? I’m sure they can. Yeah. In this world that we’ve created, yes. Right. Track number eight. And we’re all in Taylor’s world. Track number eight, “Florida!!” Exclamation point, exclamation point. Here’s the deal about Florida. Traditionally, it was a swing state. It is not expected to be a swing state. This is another political one. Not expected to be a swing state in 2024, but surprisingly, it is gonna be a swing state. And the election is going to come down to the state of Florida. In a couple of days after the election, they’re going to be counting the ballots in Florida. And then Taylor is gonna drop a secret track called Hanging Chads. Okay. Which is all about well-endowed dudes named Chad. Oh, gosh. And this concert is really the thing that’s gonna completely swing the count down there. And then the people start cheating and Biden win. What feature allows them to count the votes? What feature allows them to count the votes? I don’t know where you’re gonna- Florence. Florence and the Machine. That’s what the machine is. It’s the voting machine. That’s right, Link, I love it. Track number nine as we know is called “Guilty As Sin.” Question mark. This is an expose against the college student who was tracking her private jet, exposing that she also has her own private jet. Oh. Mm-hmm, yep. Mm-hmm. That’s a little bit scary. Yeah, yeah. So who’s guilty now? Track number 10, “Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me?” This is Taylor’s not so subtle suggestion that she is actually over 300 years old, and she made a deal with the devil in a little place called Salem. Witch trials much? You heard about that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Taylor’s a witch and she’s admitting it. Okay. She’s over 300 years old. I thought it was vampires that were old. If you’re the right kind of witch, you can live forever. Okay, okay. Seems like it would’ve been simpler just to make her a vampire in this joke. Oh, sorry, it’s not a joke. It’s not a joke. Where are we at? Truck number 11, “I Can Fix Him, No Really I Can.” She can’t stop writing about Trav-Trav and his left elbow contusion. Oh, mm-hmm. Yep, it has been a problem this season. Yeah, I had to Google that and everything. But who’s gonna fix it? Taylor. Track number 12. I think contusion, it’s just another word for a bruise. Track number- Just kinda go away, sorry. Track number 12 is a acronym, “LOML,” which means, “Look, only me lives,” which is basically Taylor’s admission that her ultimate goal is to kill every single person on earth other than herself. Oh, wow. Yeah. That’s dark. Yeah, I mean, eventually, she will be by herself on a desolate landscape, singing, “Yep, it’s me. I was the problem, it was me.” So she’s just coming out and just writing these lyrics. Well, no, it’s all subliminal. It’s subliminal, but I’m just saying- I wouldn’t say it’s subliminal as much as it’s super catchy. Yeah, but look, only me lives? Yeah, yeah. I know what she’s saying. Well, that’s cute. But the grammar’s not right. Track number 13, “I Can Do It With A Broken Heart.” And the it she’s referring to here is build bird houses. And what are the bird houses for? I don’t know, I don’t know. Okay. That’s it. It’s pretty straightforward. Track number 14, “The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived.” This is another little bit of an admission. She’s revealing a lot about herself. And that is the fact that inside Taylor Swift’s head, it is not a brain. No, it is a tiny little record executive who shriveled himself up. Shriveled himself up. In order to fit inside her head. Okay, yeah. He didn’t shrink himself, he shriveled himself. And basically has been manipulating her for this entire time. Oh, really? To take over the entire record industry. Okay. Yeah. So it’s really, I hate to say it, this is actually the little old man that lives inside of Taylor’s head, it’s his coming out party is really what this album’s all about. Oh. Yeah. Track number 15, “The Alchemy,” is a completely instrumental track that will be backing her up on her Vegas residency as a magician. She’s going, her next thing is a magician. Yeah. It says, she use the bird, she raises the birds in her magic act in bird houses. Yeah, I think that’s where the bird houses come from. Okay. Yeah, let’s really try to rescue that one. Okay. “Clara Bow.” This track is a prophecy, okay? Okay. Because the last person standing when Taylor is finishing off the Last of Humanity will be, it’s a little girl named Clara. And she will give up a hell of a fight. Oh. I mean, Tay- Like horror film girl type thing? Taylor versus Clara. And the only people there to see it are the animals that are still alive, Taylor and Clara. But Taylor, unfortunately, is going to finish Clara off with a long bow as she is running away from her. Oh, okay. Yeah, and Taylor’s gonna be like and that’s it. And the animals are just gonna freak out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then she’ll rule over all the animals. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. There’s a bonus track, if you’re still listening. Track number 17, The Manuscript” is, it’s a really long track because it is an audio book. Not only is it read by Britney Spears about Taylor Swift’s life, but it is also written by Britney Spears. Oh really? It’s gonna be great. It’s gonna be great. A little bit of a comeback. Yes. And there you have it. That’s what Taylor’s album is all about. Did you read Britney’s autobiography? I did. ‘Cause I think you want her to write everyone else’s. I listened to Michelle Williams read Britney’s autobiography. Okay. And enjoyed it quite a bit. Oh, oh good, there you go. That was fun. How did that make you feel? A little dirty, actually. A little dirty? It just felt like- Just making stuff up? What are guys doing? To believe things? What are you guys doing? This is your podcast, it didn’t feel right. Now, it’s time for me to admit some things. That was fun. I’m gonna talk about my tattoo. People were asking why I wasn’t talking about it on Good Mythical More. And I was just kinda like, “Save it for the Ear Biscuits. But now, you’re doing it here. Yeah, save it for an audio medium. Right, exactly, yeah. Well, I mean, there’s a video. Okay, so I didn’t realize, well, I guess I did kind of realize it and we’ll cut to a picture of this for those of you who are watching. When I got this tattoo, I didn’t really think about the fact that, somebody asking me, “What’s your tattoo,” was going to give me like a choose your own adventure number of options to say, right? So like, I could be like, “It’s just a cool tattoo.” I could be like- Have you actually said that to somebody? No, ’cause, okay. So, because what I realize is that the real answer. Turn out, “It’s just cool.” The real answer is, this is an interpretation of a conception of the ancient near Eastern, you know, cosmos. Of course it is. An interpretation of the ancient near Eastern conception of the cosmos. Meaning, that the people in the early biblical times, in that region of the world where that text and those myths were originated, they thought that the earth was flat. They thought that the earth was fixed and it had pillars that went down into the ground. And they thought that there was a firmament ’cause you look up at night and you see these lights and you’re like, “Oh, it must be some sort of dome or whatever.” And they thought that there were- So a firmament is like a shell? Yeah, yeah, it’s like a giant bubble. And there are waters above, remember in Genesis, Oh, yeah. it says the water’s above and the water’s below and so. The Leviathan, which is the sea serpent, a lot of people think this is a dragon. And for all intents and purposes, I’m not gonna argue with you. Yeah, it is, but it’s a sea serpent more than a dragon. He doesn’t have wings. Well, actually he does have arms. And this was, so I left this up to, basically, what I did is there’s a bunch of really cool diagrams of this sort of conception of the cosmos. If you just look up like, “ancient near eastern cosmos diagram,” or something like that. So people have created these things and I gave them all to Michael Mendoza, who does my tattoos and your tattoos. And I was like, “I think this will make a sick tat, but I want you to do your interpretation of it. And also, I want this to be on my forearm.” And so we kinda need to make it fit a forearm in a relatively long skinny forearm, if I’m being honest with you. And so he just kinda like took some amalgam and then I sent him a bunch of pictures of Leviathans that people had done, and then we kind of met and he kind of decided, “Oh, what do you think about doing it like this and like giving it some legs and stuff?” Now, and then he like, he added these, his fine line work is really cool. And so he kind of added that to sort of fill it out and make it go around a little bit. Like the rivers, the waterfalls. Yeah, and they’re not really any, that’s up to whatever you interpret them to be. Oh, I interpret it as water. And that’s actually where water would be, so it’s good that that’s how you see it. And of course you’ve got, this is where they thought that you went after you died. This big black pit here, Sheol, they literally thought that like the place where you went after you died and everybody went there, good, bad, indifferent is where you went to kind of rest. And it was underneath your feet, you know? Okay. But they thought that God lived up here, above the firmament. And that’s why everything that was coming from the sky, whether it was sun or rain, everything, lightning, that’s God doing god’s stuff up here. And so they thought that heaven was above the firmament. And so in a lot of these old diagrams, this is the realm of God and they represent God usually just with like a word or something. And I was like, Well, I’ve had this idea since we talked about it on GMM.” Is that where it hatched? Yeah. To get a little door tattoo, right? And so I put, in the realm of God, I put a little door to something else. Now, the significance of this to me- Turn it this way a little bit. First of all, I just think it’s a sick tat. But the reason I got this on my arm, instead of, I know I talked a little bit about maybe getting whale skeletons, which I am gonna do. I’m gonna fill in some of this arm, ’cause now, my right arm is lacking, ’cause it’s like there’s too much on this now. We’ll talk about where we’re going next. So I always thought this was a really cool moment in history. But what it represents to me- This didn’t really happen. Well, the funny thing is, because there’s so much misinformation in the world today. There are more people than there should be, like significantly more people than there should be who actually think, talk about conspiracies, actually think that the world is flat and it kind of looks like this. Seems like you’re part of the problem. And so now, I have to be like, I don’t think the earth is flat. No, I don’t think that. You have a flat earther tattoo though. Yeah, I kinda do. You’re a flat earther. I’m a flat earther in spirit. So this is what this means to me. So this is basically the way the people who wrote the Bible thought the world was. And I kinda, obviously, I have been on a bit of a journey over the past 20 years in how my beliefs have evolved. Now, no one, well, used to be the case that no one until pretty recently, no one who, like most Christians don’t think the world earth is flat. Most Christians believe that the earth is a globe, a sphere. And they kinda take, they believe the truth about the way the world is. But the people who wrote the Bible, this is 100% definitely what they thought in an approximation of what they thought. And of course that document and the religion that flowed from it is a very significant part of kind of like who I am, why I am, who I am, why I believe what I believe. But the little door in the place of God is kinda like, those beliefs were the foundation that led to the door that I went through to get to the next thing. So that’s one meaning of the door. But also, the door and the open door represents my general and I hope forever everlasting openness towards whatever God is. Is that why there’s- Concept of God. Not a doorknob? Well, ’cause yeah, ’cause God opened it. There’s not a doorknob because Michael, I just don’t like. Michael’s like, “What do you think about this?” You know me, I’m kind like- Don’t say that, you. Yes, there’s not a doorknob because the door will never be shut. There’s a doorknob on the other side. Yeah, okay. So did you open the door, or did God blast it open? The door is open. That’s the only thing I can tell you. Who opened it? The door is open. Yeah. And also- And I don’t know that it will close. I mean, I can talk to him about that. ‘Cause there’s no latch. And also, the idea that there’s this open door, like the next thing, the next thing that you believe is almost always determined by the current thing that you believe. Okay. So that’s the meaning behind it. You could also put like the reflection of the door on the other side and then it could be a door to a tunnel through your arm. And then I could have a magic act like David Blaine and I can stick things through my entire arm. Is that what you were gonna say though? No, and so now, I’ve got what you might loosely call the spiritual arm and the science arm. Oh. And so that’s why the idea of getting, filling in some of this space with those whale skeletons, ’cause there’s- ‘Cause basically, you need to say what your older tattoo is. Oh, yeah, this is the Voyager spacecraft. This is the probe, which was launched at basically exactly the same time that I was born, like within a month or two. That’s still way out there at the edges of the cosmos. It’s the thing that is the furthest away from us that we’ve ever made. But quick moment. I would like to acknowledge that we just had an earthquake. Did you feel it? Yeah, I felt it. I was about to stop it for a second. I saw your face. I didn’t feel any of it. And I was like, “She’s really into this tattoo.” She is shook. Oh, no. I literally was like, I was like, “Am I imagining this? If it goes on longer, I should probably stop.” How long was it? I didn’t feel it. I felt it for a good 15 seconds. In my own world too. It was like, well, and then the Slack’s going off right now. Was it when I was talking about God? Yeah, it was. Yeah, yeah. Okay. The firmament shaking dude. Kitchen is filming right now too. This is the second earthquake in a couple of weeks that I’ve been working during. I can’t feel nothing when I’m working. We were on a video call the other day with the Rhett/Link channel team, and we had an earthquake and everyone experienced it except you ’cause you were- Yeah, I didn’t feel it. You’re out of town. Was that when I was in New Zealand? Yeah. Yes. Oh. Mm-hmm. Yeah. You felt so left out too. ‘Cause we were all talking about- And then I was like, “I’m in New Zealand, bitches.” If y’all go down, don’t worry, I got this. I get sucked into shield. So I don’t know how to interpret that. I don’t know what that means. I was talking about the pillars of the earth and the door to God and then God gave us an earthquake. Well, in the current book that I am reading, it is a positive thing. It’s like the gods are waking up and it is a good omen. So that’s just- There you go. Thank you for reading that book. That’s just a fantasy. That’s just a fantasy book that I’m reading right now, so I’d say that’s the truth that we should go with. So you’re in left arm territory. I was just like- Make sure that we don’t lose the recording. Yes. So if you’re in right arm territory, and you’re like, I think tectonic plates just shifted a little bit and the earth grumbles a little bit and that’s just how it works. Yeah, you have to have a different perspective. So I don’t know. I mean, first of all, I just love what Michael does and like he can nail something that’s this detailed 10 hours of what ended up being very painful towards the end. Whew, 10 hours. What I will say is that- 10 hour’s actually under- Oh yeah, straight. With a couple of snack breaks. But the thing that I’m realizing now is like, okay, yeah. Like I have to think. It’s like somebody asks you what you do for a living. It’s like, “What kind of conversation am I wanting to have?” If somebody’s interesting and interested and we have the time, then there’s quite a story to tell about either one of these. If someone is neither of those things, it’s like, “This is a Voyager space probe. This is a dragon.” A dragon. This is a dragon. There’s a dragon in his home. It’s an abstract thing. It’s an abstract thing. It is whatever you want it to be. I’m not gonna get into this one. I mean, you could say it’s a creation myth. Yeah. Just say that. Oh, yeah, ’cause a leviathan, which was was very significant in the whole James and the shame thing, this is like the Asian of chaos, essentially, that God subdued in order to create the world. And then as mentioned in the Bible, in Job, when we talk about that, but that concept comes from ancient near Eastern creation myths that were surrounding the people who wrote the Bible, and it made its way in. But the Babylonians I think articulated that a little more specifically. And if you’re listening right now and you’re like, “Boy, more Bible talk” really into that, then hold onto your hats, ’cause the next two weeks are gonna be right up your shield. Yeah, that’s true. I’m putting a teaser in here. Next week is Rhett’s spiritual deconstruction update, and then the next week will be mine and answering some questions. That’s the next two. So no tattoo regret? People talk about that, especially when it’s the second one on the same place but the other arm. And you put a lot of time into it. You met with Michael in person ahead of time and you had a presentation. You had like a PowerPoint. Oh, yeah. And all these different references and stuff to be like, this is why this is significant. And these are the things that, just because it is very specific. And if anybody knows this stuff, I wanted it to be like, yeah, like this is- You want it to be accurately wrong. Right, exactly. Accurately. Accurately wrong. I wanna be wrong in exactly the right way. Yeah, but I don’t really know what, the thing that you never know, and this is like I discussed this with him, I was like, sometimes you get a tattoo, and especially if you get a tattoo that is something very specific like this, and then you’re like, “Oh, shit, I didn’t realize that.” From a distance, this looks like a jellyfish. Or this, from a distance, this looks like something embarrassing. Oh, crap, I got a penis on my arm and I didn’t realize it.” Did you think that about the probe? No, but I’ve heard there’s people who- It’s lollipop. There’s people who are like, “Is it a dragonfly?” Like if you see it from a distance or something, I get maybe, it’s like, I don’t know exactly what that is. Yeah, I get that too. It’s like, “Is he a lesbian?” Oh, yeah. Remember that? It’s a similar, similar thing. So I think it might be a lollipop on your right arm, but then your left arm, I would say a dream catcher. You think this is like a dream catcher? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It’s rounded at the top, so it has a circular thing, and then it has hangy down parts underneath. It’s like a dream catcher. I like the fact that from any noticeable distance, it kinda just looks like something you’re gonna have to get closer to. Yeah, yeah, it’s an invitation. It’s like, I don’t know if you’ve got something on there, but I don’t know where I’m gonna go from here. Where are you gonna go? Where am I gonna go? Yeah. You went studio- I went really, really hard- Letting Michael go- The last time. Letting Michael go down my arm. I already told you, my application of like going through all like the public conjecture and reaction to my plants is more house plants. More plants, man. ‘Cause I’ve just had this idea of having a sleeve and just having like a half, a little bit over. It’s not three quarters, but it goes over my elbow a little bit. I want more of that. I gotta take into account the fact that I got jade on the forearm, but that’s the plan. More plants for this arm. And then we’ll see what happens. Yeah, and then maybe that’ll be a holding point, but I’m kind of antsy to get that done. Yeah, I mean, I’m not doing anything anytime soon. But I don’t know. I just find it, it’s funny. I mean, if not somewhat ridiculous, that two mid 40-year-old best friends who only ever had a tattoo of their wives names on their asses that they got for comedy’s sake started getting arm tattoos together. From the same guy. Yeah. But they’re cool. It’s a fun process, and you get to express something about yourself. Yeah, and it’s not a faux pas, but to go, yeah, it’s like more people have ’em than not now. Yeah. I heard somebody talking recently. I don’t know, I can’t remember who it was. And they were like, “If somebody doesn’t have any tattoos, I’m suspicious of him.” Right. It’s like, why? I mean, I like just the personal growth of the fact that the first time I went in to get like the Elvis, I was like feeling faint and like so in my head about it. And every time I go in there now, Michael’s like, “Man, I just can’t believe it.” Now, you’re like, “Oh, yeah, I just wanna cover my whole arm, ’cause of the first time you came in here, man, I didn’t know if I should do even that little Elvis.” Yeah, you made a big deal about it. I was kind of freaking out about it. And so like Lily got me on the tattoo train. She got me over the hump. I thought tattoos were cool on other people is the line that we wrote for the “I’m a thoughtful a guy” thing. And that’s basically how we felt. You get to a certain point in your career in a middle age where you’re like, if anybody can get tattoos and do whatever they want, it’s us. I mean, it has like the least impact. People talk about like not getting hand tattoos. There’s certain- Jobs. Yeah, and I see like the weather woman that she wears like a sleeveless dress and then she’ll like, I think I’ve seen her on TikTok. She’ll come home and she’ll remove her tattoo cover up makeup, and she’s got like full sleeves. Have you seen this woman? Yeah. She’s like a news lady who like covers it up entirely, because like you’re local news and you don’t wanna be like- You can’t trust a tattoo. You don’t wanna have those dirty inky arms talking about the next cold front. Nobody wanted to hear about that. Cold front from a inky arm lady. I think that’s not long for this world. It’s changing. It’s not long for this world, but if there’s any stronghold of it, it’s local news. Probably in the middle of who knows where. People are also suspicious of people who don’t have tattoos because of undercover cops. Oh. Fun fact. A lot of undercover cops are not supposed to have any visible tattoos. So if a random man or woman comes up, I knew that from working at a bar and bartending and people and like undercover cops coming in and trying to bust you for fake IDs, or like try to bring in a fake ID or not have their ID checked or whatever. It seems that they should have tattoos for the very reason that they’re undercover cops. Yeah, like fake ones though. Yeah, if they don’t have visible tattoos, it’s always like, that’s a cop. That’s what you would look for, ’cause what else would you look for? He accidentally caught a glimpse of his badge. Yeah, well. Yeah, no tattoos, that’s a cop, yeah. No tattoos is a cop. An undercover. Undercover, yeah, yeah. I don’t know about just non-undercover cops. I’m sure they can’t have any visible tattoos showing. So that’s a stronghold of tattoo holdouts is if you wanna be an undercover cop, it’s gonna be a lot easier. If you’re an actor, you wanna play different roles, it’s a lot of trouble to cover that stuff up. Yeah, yeah. The makeup nowadays is amazing though. And pretty quick. Yeah, they have airbrush now for a lot of it. I can’t remember her name at the Grammy’s, was like totally tatted up and then she was like, couldn’t tell at all. And they get in there when you get in the makeup chair and there’s like somebody else is worrying about that. Just painting you. Yeah, so when we have our big acting break, Link, it won’t matter. We’ll just get covered up. We’re on the back end of seeming, it’s like a little edgy. The backend of seeming a little edgy. It’s like having a tattoo and it like changing how people view you is like, “Oh, he has a little bit of an edge.” That’s going away. It doesn’t really mean anything anymore. Yeah, I think it’s just kind of fun, right? It’s just sort of fun. It’s just like, now, there is always the risk though that you get something that you don’t like, and then you’re just like, “Okay, what do I”- That’s why you gotta pick the right person. What do I do now? That’s why I’m attached to Michael, ’cause I completely trust him. And I’m taking a big risk by getting, I think it’s a slightly bigger risk getting something that is completely original, because there’s the thing that’s like, you might not understand that this ends up meaning something else. Or somebody really unsavory starts saying that this thing means this. So I think you’re in a safer place. Yeah, with house plants? You know what I mean. Yeah, and then when my arm starts to wilt, I just have a realistically wilted houseplant, which I think will be fitting. Yeah, there’s lots of conjecture about, well, what is this gonna look like in 30 years? And I’d be like, “I don’t know, who cares? I’ll be 76 years old.” A lot of people are getting hand tattoos now, like that’s the new, “Whoa, you did that?” kind of a thing. A lot of artists, what I’ve read, will refuse to give, certainly give a hand tattoo if it’s the first tattoo. You gotta demonstrate that you’re willing to be inked up before they’re gonna go to your hand because it’s so visible. And it does have more of an impact on your perception or like your mobility in life, certain jobs or whatever. The skin around there as well has a high turnover rate. So you have to get touchups quite often and it can bleed as well. So it’s also just like, and some artists will kind of discourage it just because- You might not be happy with it. Yeah, or someone will know. They just have to go and get touchups every few years for them. They’re gonna require more upkeep. I wonder if it hurts more or less. It’s right on bone. Oh, yeah. It’s right on bone. Hands hurt. People get it on the palm of the hand and that goes away in two months. Like Michael did this amazing looking heart in somebody’s hand. And I was like, “Wow, that ain’t gonna last too long.” No, it just kinda fades into dull nothingness. Mm. I’m not doing that. No hand stuff. So for me, I’m thinking down the arm. But you got a whole nother arm. Some sort of pattern. And then, I don’t know. I just don’t feel like my right arm’s complete and like with what I’m gonna go for next, that it might feel done or it might not. I have to wait and see. But that’s kind of my plan. I think it’ll be in a little bit of a holding pattern. I don’t think I’m ever gonna get anything bigger than this. It may eventually one day culminate into more, but I don’t think, I mean, maybe something on this side. It’s funny. As people who are on camera a lot, so if I’m sitting down talking to you right now, or I’m doing this, you don’t see my tattoos because they’re here, right? You just get a little peek. Is that- That’s cool. Like if they’re here- On the outside of your forearm? I mean, I guess I’m gonna do something there, but it is a different thing. It’s like, oh, okay. Oh, okay. I see that at all times now. Yep. I don’t know. I don’t think I’ll go on the face though or the neck. I don’t like that. I’m definitely not gonna do that. Yeah, I’m not gonna do that. What about just behind your ears? A little musical note. I just don’t like little- A little musical note right behind your ear. That’s why I like kept going bigger ’cause I didn’t want attention to me drawn to one thing. I didn’t want it to be that I had a tattoo. I wanted it to be that I had an arm with tattoos on it. That’s what kept pushing me bigger was that for me, that’s what I wanted was more of a sleeve than like a tattoo. I wanted to have like a piece. Right, yeah, and I think- That was just my- Is the opposite, which is like little pieces that make something bigger. Yeah, charm bracelet versus wedding dress. Which do you want? Okay, it’s quite an analogy. Yeah? I want a wedding dress. Well, we’ve done it, Link. We’ve done another episode of this podcast. You’ve done it. You’ve made it. You’ve made it to the end. And I’m glad you’re still here. What you wanna do now? Maybe leave a review. Let the algorithms know how much you like this show. It does help us. Use hashtag #earbiscuits and leave us a voicemail. Dare us to respond with your assertions. 1-888-EARPOD1. Bye-bye. Hey, Rhett and Link. My name’s Mike. I just wanna let you guys know that I spent 10 years in the military overseas, and you guys have really helped with coming home and readjusting and just being able to laugh again. Things over there get pretty dark sometimes, and you guys were a light for sure. So I just wanted to call and say thank you. Have a good day, guys.