EB 5: Hannah Hart: How I Got Here (Oct 2013)

[Music] welcome to ear biscuits I’m Rhett and I’m link thank you for joining us once again this week at the roundtable of dim lighting covered in an increasingly large number of signatures Hannah Hart is the latest signature she is our guest this week the amazing heart oh she she got into some really good stuff great candy conversation talked about the extraordinary circumstances of her birth and then the extraordinary life that she had growing up in a home with a dad it was a preacher and Jehovah’s Witness situation and then what it’s like to having been open about her sexuality on her YouTube channel oh yeah it was like there’s it’s got into conversation got into everything that you want to get into with the hannah harto but these these signatures that that are populating the round table of dim lighting in this it made me think about how everyone has this decision that they make of how they’re going to sign their name and it made us think about another story that we’ve been wanting to tell you about signatures on our poster first of all we’re selling a poster now I’m not am I gonna turn this into a store opportunity well you you always you always because the merch good mythical morning poster isn’t is now available on our dftba store site all of these posters are signed previous to that we were selling and I think they’re still yeah there are still some mythical show posters that are signed limited-edition mythical show there will be no more of those ever printed we sign them rhett and Link right there with our silver sharpie and you can buy it so anyway we sold these and after they went they they got shipped out after the first batch was shipped out we we got a letter not a letter we got a message and email and you and I like to call them when they comment when the letters come over the e I call them emails and link why don’t you read this email we can tell you who it’s from but I pulled up the email and I’m gonna read it verbatim from start to finish here we go my son recently purchased a mythical show poster from dftba records he is 14 years old and used his hard-earned money to make the purchase he was very excited to be getting a poster quote signed in all capital letters by both rhett and Link since he is a big fan of the mythical show on YouTube upon receipt of the poster the first thing he noticed was that both names are written in exactly the same handwriting and neither person used their last name o both first names only written in silver paint marker exactly the same size and exactly the same location on the poster and the ampersand quote ampersand symbol sign was used between the names Rhett ampersand link right why would two people use the ampersand sign when signing both their names it also looks as if rhett and Link quote were written by a teenager this is what he noticed his fourteen-year-old son I have a friend who does handwriting analysis for our local police department he took a quick look at the poster and agreed that neither name was probably authentic and both were unquestionably written by the same hand unquestionably he also agreed that any time a quote celebrity autographs anything unless they are Prince Madonna or Cher they would probably use their last name as well then he quotes from Wikipedia quote rhett and Link is the comedy filmmaking Musical and advertising duo of rhett james mclaughlin and Charles Lincoln link Neil end quote both are 30 something guys neither is Madonna Prince or Cher that’s true hopefully I’m thinking a last name is an order here okay obviously you can see where this is going this is still his email if your purpose is to rip off their target audience teenage boys then you are clearly successful since most folks might not have picked up on the signatures and would be happy to have the poster but if you were truly concerned about actually selling what you advertised then I think reparations are in order he will gladly return the pathetically signed poster for an authentic one thank you for your consideration in this matter and then he gives his mailing address we will not give that or his name okay now when I first read this email I was a little upset because if you have if you know us at all if you’ve listened or watched anything that we’ve ever done and you know a little bit about the kind of people we are you probably know that this is not the kind of thing that we would do we would not hire a teenager to sign our names on a poster but let me tell you after signing one thousand of these and then boxing them back on it’s not about them to your house and letting you unbox them and sign your name and the ampersand either around mine or before mine to anticipate where I’m gonna write it with my own hand right and then you boxing it up and we send it to dftba to ship them out maybe we should hire a teenager it certainly seemed maybe we should i source this whole thing we should outsource the whole thing well ok so ok for whatever reason probably because my last name is McGlothlin very early on we all pay signed Rhett link because that’s who we are well you know it’s is rhettandlink you don’t call us rhett mclaughlin and link neal so we always sign ourselves sign her name’s rhett and Link and we always use the ampersand and like link said if I if I sign it first I do the ampersand and if link signs at first he doesn’t hamper say and and our signatures don’t look like they both been written by the same T name mine’s in cursive and yours is in print which is so anyway who is this handwriting expert expert well he should lose his job first of all so anyway it was one of those situations where your mantilla cused of things that make me so they’re making me out to be something that I’m not and the thing that really struck me is how positive beyond a shadow of a doubt this dad was in fact he had a thought he had a belief he had a perspective then every single thing about the world that he was observing in relation to this poster in his mind confirmed his suspicions that we were swindlers that we were hiring a teenager to deceive his son and to get $20 out of his son’s pocket and you know it’s not fun to be accused of something like that so what I did is I wrote what I’m going to confess was a pretty smartass response and I can I read part of it I have it all right hello first name of father who wrote the email tell your son thanks for ordering a poster period return that was your first paragraph huh second paragraph is much longer we appreciate your desire to protect your son against being taken advantage of but we were frankly taken aback at your level of certainty that we have been fraudulent we’re sorry if you feel that our process for signing things first names only with an ampersand is unacceptable but that is the way we’ve always ought agraphia should just keep reading go ahead since we’ve known since we’re known publicly and professionally as quote ret ampersand link this is what we sign our lives can testify to the fact that we each sat alone in our respective dining room tables and signed hundreds of posters over the many hours with our quote half and instill the posters up and exchanged them so the other could sign his quote other half we’re also a bit concerned about the opportunity the aptitude of your friend who specializes in handwriting analysis and worried that he might be causing your local police department to wrongfully convicts um one considering that our signatures are clearly different mine ret susan curse if all links is in print we couldn’t duplicate one another signatures if we try but most importantly we think it would be wise to be slow you got a typo in your email you said we think it would be wise to be slow to be oh I’m sorry I just can’t read it right let me try this one more time but most importantly we think it will be wise to be slow to be so accusatory in the future your absolute unquestioning perspective that we had attempted to scam our audience is more than a little insulting I would hope that after watching our videos for any length of time your son has learned that we are not the kind of guys who would ever consider doing something so insidious is selling fake sign stirrers that being said we would gladly ship you a poster sign with our full names signed on the poster at a location of your choosing thanks again for your support of internet tainment Rhett ampersand link so then we send him another poster signed Rhett James McLaughlin in Charles Lincoln link Neal the third so this guy and his son have one of the only play only poster ever that was signed in full names all right let’s get to Hannah Hart we had a great conversation like I said so let’s delay no more give a few stats yeah you know her from youtube.com slash my heart oh where she has just under eight hundred thousand subscribers and is known best for her weekly show my drunk kitchen she’s also the 2013 Streamy winner for best female performance in a comedy and she is a nice woman as you will find out in a second she was also in our Christmas sweats music video alongside grace ladies and gentlemen our convo with Hannah Hart speak on breathing air we discuss the topics open breathing air is what you want to call our podcast I think breathing air is like a it’s a it’s pretty good radio voice thing to say now you did know you were on an email chain from a couple of weeks ago we were trying to get you on the show and well several weeks ago before we had named the show mm-hm and our producer Stevie mm-hmm was just being funny in her email and she said yeah we’re calling it Oprah raw remember that loved Oprah raw and and then when we finally changed it your biscuits via email you expressed disappointment that it wasn’t called Oprah raw I think that’s natural really his Oprah we’re all taken or does that supposed to mean something I found the gross to me I mean if I’m gonna dine on Oprah I’d prefer her I think I met unfiltered real yeah Oprah raw yeah Oprah raw I had nothing to do with cannibalism no as open to interpretation is what it seems to me here’s what we’ll do for you 10 today’s episode this week’s episode is it is still a near biscuit mm-hmm but it is there’s a subtitle and it is Oprah raw Oprah raw edition we call it breathing air I ain’t gonna go breathing air with Oprah raw but people are gonna think that Oprah’s gonna be here and I’m just saying she’s not a manager she’s a big fan she’s a big fan of you talked about it in O Magazine and I’m a member in a podcast section I think she’s just referring to putting a pair of nice warm biscuits on your ear okay yeah that happens it’s delicious now Hannah we’ve met in person the first time at a coffee shop second time we met you mean was yeah funny way to meet but we totally did it was an arranged meeting it was like a first it was like a blind date really yeah yeah it went well I thought so yeah that’s that coffee shop now listen great yeah it’s a nice collision the coffee shop was bricks and scones yes come here all right scone scone biscuits and I remember after you know we had a great conversation and I remember you know linking our on our way home and discussing people that we have just met as we often do because we’re pretty much always together mm-hmm and we were both like I like that Hannah Hart now Oh Hannah Hart he’s a nice person nice woman you guys it’s really nice he’s a nice woman you know it’s so funny you say that because when I went away when I drove away from our first meeting that first impression first impression you do it straight I was talking to myself by myself allowed as long as want to do my and I said you know Hannah I that rhettandlink thumbs guys were yeah mm-hmm because I was talking to myself and I had no visual or verbal feedback to go off of you didn’t say nice men I was hoping you liked those were nice men what what she just said that she said was them’s guys wow you know and it kind of fizzled out yeah sometimes those car talks get real weird ones a brick and ones a scone no come on you got to give it you got to give us the real first impressions yeah hmm well it can’t be like what he’s tall he’s an honest talk and blanka’s really great hair they both got great hair hey I was like they were lovely good definitely not from California yeah because you guys had a slower cadence yeah you guys you guys like to take your time telling a story and it’s it’s delicious it’s a great way to speak it’s just a function of brain power yeah we’re a little slow that’s all it is fully charged yeah but when we met actually the show the long-form show guys we’re just thinking you guys were just starting and thinking about that yeah that’s over now mm-hmm we’ve graffiti together yeah but the second time that we met in person was the Christmas sweat suit I’m pretty sure that was our second meeting yeah and that was wonderful and that was a phenomenal shoe I wear those Christmas sweats grace told us we heard about this yeah I do I’m disappointing you I have them on I mean it’s not that cool yet are you sleeping those asleep in those exact sweatpants really yeah I mean like I will I didn’t use a green pair I was gonna say I’ll text you guys a picture later tonight and then I just stopped myself yeah you did yeah that’s actually a picture I mean my sweat yeah I have a picture of me and my sweat you have both green and red no I just have the red small pants in a box yeah we’ve got the greens and when I can be your parting gift from here today on ear biscuits Wow Wow it was a great treat though great video yeah yeah I really I really enjoyed we should sequel Isaac got on Good Morning America I know how funny is that oh you’ve made it they’re like who’s that from p1 well I think because the picture that they we decided to use as the thumbnail you were wearing the extra large this ones which were my sweats that actually fit me mm-hmm do you still wear this what we keep him packaged you know I’d like to separate the assuming from the actual wardrobe how do you feel like your real life and your creative life bleed together far too often it’s really just a tax issue my CPA told me that you know you can’t wear those costumes you gotta kiss sweats in a box you can’t you can’t write them off if you what if you wear them my CPA told me to do whatever I want everything that’s probably more fun mm-hmm it is we put you wear that shirt in the video expense it done you can’t do that I know technically but you know the news anchors can’t even expense their suits they have to buy their own by their own seriously no way yeah yeah crazy did you see how the only reason I’m not a news anchor wait um how did you find out that my brother told me this and how he knows I don’t know mmm I think he has a business degree he does have a business degree from a reputable institution that’s like business 101 mm-hmm it’s like the extra credit question on the first quiz of business 101 in a news anchor expense his suit right it sounds like business really suits him oh wow all right so take us back gets back to your birth is the whole story where was it when was it I was born November 2nd 1986 and it was in the bay area of California on the west coast of America on the planet Earth which is the third planet in our solar system within the Milky Way is a show about that yeah also a song Joe Diffie song I don’t the country country-western tune no prob mmm-hmm he also sang a song called prop me up beside the jukebox when I died yeah so he wants to be like taxidermied he does Admiral Admiral yeah yeah I propped up like this is sergeant thing to want to do we may area various likes San Francisco ish yes in the Bay Area yeah it was great grow up in California I went to school at Berkeley I studied Japanese literature and you gotta move slower than that we want to talk about like kindergarten you know yeah this is what and your biscuit it’s all about you know how did we’re like spinning fish during a college here in the delivery’s I’m sorry I should have explained I came out of the womb and went to college but it was for baby Hannah no um I let me think okay back to birth oh I was born with a double nuchal cord you guys know what that is yeah we have kids double nuchal cord it’s where the umbilical cord is wrapped twice around your neck I was like an so you could have died yeah but so the doctor the doctor had to go in and cut the cord within my mother’s buddy and then I came out so he took up this pair of scissors inside of your mom and cut the cord so I could get get born cuz I like you know feet-first cord neck came out blue I mean yeah but I’m a fighter slash I don’t know what baby Hannah was like so there are extraordinary circumstances in your birth so is that the type of thing that growing up whenever something would happen be it good or bad that or your mom or dad would hearken back to you know you’re you’re a miracle baby yeah miracle baby mm-hmm they would say that not so much however I would say that in my head to myself I’m a miracle baby I would just have a miracle just wake up morning I was born choking mm-hmm I was born choking around yep yep yep but they did your parents didn’t say that because they mean they could say that they could they could have but I don’t know I don’t think it really occurred to them okay that’s fair yeah okay and what what kind of house were you born into parents together siblings well I was born into a my parents are divorced before I was born I had one older sister have you know she’s alive and yes you our mom raised us for a long while and then she got remarried and had another baby that’s my baby sister who I love very very much and yeah there was a good time so you grew up with just your mom and then a stepdad at some point mhm mm-hmm when did the stepdad come in I guess I was like seven there about hey this is all and this is all in the Bay Area yeah I never moved around and raised born and raised in the Bay Area never moved around just kind of like hung out a lot what’d your mom do she worked nights audio-visual recording thing where she would transcribe news stories so she would go in from like 10 p.m. to like 5:00 a.m. and do transcriptions so she would listen to she would just watch Neos mm-hmm and then just write out everything they said and then she would come home and be like you’ll never believe what happened I hate the news to this day why don’t people tell good news like it’s not relevant to just hear there was like a stabbing in the park like what can we benefit from by knowing that well if you hang on long enough they do like something that’s light hearted towards the end well it’s you could also know not to go to that Park that’s true you know if you don’t want to get stabbed don’t go to that I just wish there was a website that was like good news calm like or like every news story was like we have that reserved no net we have org no we don’t I beg of actually hmm oh no it’s not gov since the shutdown no that’s right yeah can’t go I can’t even go online really okay so she would watch that it’s so when you’re watching the news and you see the closed captions happening they’re happening live and someone like your mom is making no no no it’s more like it was just a transcription service you know so it’s like news organizations I imagine and remember my understanding of this is that four year olds understanding like I have no idea I believe what the service was was to give the studios transcriptions of the shows or the new for closed captioning I mean there’s all types of reason yeah when we did our show and I have see yeah they had people who would I can’t run with their positions were but they would type out everything that was said yeah and then they could do a paper cut meaning they could look at what was written down and they could say edit it this way based oh we need him to we need him to say this to manipulate the reality of the situation that would happen a few times even on our show and or we need to tell this story we need someone to say this so they could search for it and find it instead of just scrubbing through a whole bunch of footage so I would imagine there’s you know you could be it could save the world you never know there’s intelligence in that kind of stuff I love I love that perspective no is your mom still Deschutes old-type no now she’s unemployed well because we could use somebody to do this for your biscuits oh that’s where I was good now I mean there’s a lot of talking going on and somebody needs to be writing it down don’t you think link I mean I’m never occurred to me yeah I remember being confused about my dad’s job mm-hmm we lived out here in California when I was a kid mm-hmm and at the time Pat Sajak was a weatherman before Wheel of Fortune or any suits free suits oh yeah mm-hmm meteor rock meteorological loophole he and BS about something that important here I gotta call you out okay yeah I remember distinctly watching Pat Sajak deliver the weather one day and being 100% convinced that it was my father well what he looks nothing like ed did you feel it in your heart I was like four years old I remember thinking mom actually sing mom dad’s on television dad doing the weather and I was totally convinced that it was somebody was Pat Sajak but maybe Pat Sajak was your mom like he’s not the father you have yeah she got this really guilty look yeah well that might explain a lot yeah all right that’s a jack is my dad I want to look at a picture of Pat Sajak so bad right now he’s a very short man which makes this highly unlikely right that’s true okay so in your sisters how much younger than you I have two sisters I’m an old three years older than me and a younger one who is 11 years younger than me okay so when you’re a kid it was you and your older sister and your mom mm-hmm three women against the world so I mean wait tell us about that um well I really liked books a lot I think that like you know when you have a single mom you don’t really like got a lot to do so fortunately though she the house was like filled with books so I would read a lot of books would you transcribe them right I transcribe I know I just read them like she had like a lot of Encyclopedia Britannica’s do you murmur when they would smell like the phone you didn’t buy the Shelf with him yeah seriously really yeah when you buy that many books you got to buy the shelter they would throw that in for likes to sweeten the deal no way well if he knew how to negotiate oh so you would read all the you would read the encyclopedia but your mind your mom worked nicer what she liked sleeping during the day was it like no she was out usually she spent a lot of time out but I would I am sure a reading yeah I like to read I like to read a lot I also like to yep bookworm and I also like to take a lot of walks I like to like walk around the neighborhood like just like make up adventures we’re talking great school right yeah okay yeah you know just like that sort of thing one time me and my friends climb to the roof of the elementary school and we threw rocks at cars you’re kidding me that were driving by and only as an adult do I realize how truly dangerous and stupid that was but at the time I was like this is fun but no no that’s bad one time we’re going to stop you there because we did exactly the same thing and in fact we’ve told this story on good mythical morning but no the last time I was spanked spanked I think you were 13 I was 14 14 now listen I wasn’t spanked I was made a lot as like a young kid and it became very intermitted but then I was 14 I had your from a tall guy I were 14 when I was 14 I was 6 foot 4 my dad was 5-9 remember he looks like pass agent it’s convenient because they all I had to do is tell you to bend over the back of the couch we spend you and Lincoln I got call it throwing rocks at cars on top of the business school long story we got caught by Leonard Johnson at the business school that jerk who told your brother about the suits he told the security Campbell security about that who told my dad and then my dad called me in there and he’s like so what’d you do today he didn’t even have you cut a switch or anything no belt and he was like now is you know we don’t do this anymore but I have no choice and right there on the keister you know I never threw rocks at cars again hmm I think for the record he probably did have a choice oh sorry guys that you can take that might be Pat Sajak I mean just going to be like muscle okay so you you I mean it’s a common thing apparently lots of kids to do it throw rocks at cars everybody’s have that experience yeah but did you get punished no no not really I felt guilty I felt terrible we one of the rocks went through a window at the school when school started again and remember this is this was second grade first first or second second grade maybe oh you weren’t for time um no no but uh that’s something I’ll never forget no did you get spanked did you get in trouble uh yeah I mean but not for stuff like that just other things oh you got spanked as a child too yeah but yeah yeah you know but so I remember though I felt so bad about throwing the rock through the window or the rock hitting the window that when school started everybody’s like oh my god Rock window Ella I remember going to my teacher and just being like it was me and she was like no it wasn’t nothing it was me I did it I did it over the weekend I live down the block Oh guys she was like Hannah please like it wasn’t you I appreciate you trying to cover for your friend well but I know it wasn’t you I just know you and I was like this is the worst feeling in the world I mean like how do you go like anyway so you confessed and it was rejected that can’t be you it’s not you and then you’re like wait Who am I so you had a reputation as being a good kid yeah and you were a kid that would you felt guilty and you would confess something like that oh I was a good I had a good good heart so that kid that characterized your your youth yeah it wasn’t one of rebellion and testing the limits definitely not a rebellious child I was definitely a you know I mean like I would like help out the janitor after school and stuff like I just wanted to like do stuff I just like people I like I really like I just really like being with people you know I think people are interesting hmm you know did you help the janitor put the sawdust on the vomit from kids puking they did that all the time in our school yeah sawdust that’s that’s – every other day there would be a pilot sawdust out there you sit on you were 14 when last time you puke mr. Leon mr. Leon was our janitor and he would sawdust all kinds of stuff but especially vomit well I mean why don’t he just clean it up poor Miss Hannigan only had one hand and we never helped him out you make me feel bad I’ve never helped him clean up vomit the guy I had one hand he had two hands when we started at school remember he you know what happened are you cereal yes do you don’t know the story about mr. Leon mr. Leon clean was vomit no mr. Leon woods in the wood chipper he was changing the bulbs the footlights on the oh no on the school stage in the auditorium he was changing the footlights and one broke or one was hot or something he got burned it was a very mild thing he did not get it checked out it got infected and they cut his hand off this was like fifth grade man because we had a two-handed janitor and then he became a one-handed janitor it he never slowed down by the way that seems like a little rash well you mean it was an overreaction no it was a bad infection it was like he didn’t get it kids if you get an infection get it taken care of mm-hmm that’s immoral that story if you vomit throw sawdust on it I can’t find any it turns out when people tear you tell you to air out a wound don’t this is covered it’ll heal fast that’s right we’ve established this that recently yeah I told him I told him not to wear the band-aid and turns out he’s right look at it now we’re good to go yeah all right scars kind of cool like when stuff scars you like that’s cool I like that’s cool I don’t see any scars on you I got I have one right here in my hand I got one on my knee I don’t want in this ear in the ear mm-hmm I just ran into a table and I was really little just like the corner of a table I was just so excited I was also very excited this kid I’m still very excited about and I just hit the corner it was the first time I ever got stitches and I totally fainted wonder-percent well they just have thought of it makes me want to faint if you how awful oh yeah an ear wound any room here biscuits I don’t know biscuit I’m not interested in that so give us some more formidable formidable I don’t know what the right word is relative that’s what formative points in your in your life we’re talking like the grade school middle school high school years you know we’re still pretty Berkeley here oh yeah well my dad is a preacher and we saw him your real dad or your stepdad I real dad that’s okay so your mom and your dad they divorced before you were born mm-hmm and he’s a preacher what type of preacher we talking drove is witness Jehovah’s Witness mm-hmm Wow mm-hmm so he doesn’t celebrate birthdays mm-hmm why not I don’t I don’t the idea made a comment on a good mythical morning and then I got reprimanded by people who said I should know and so I school me well from what I recall as the idea is that it’s kind of like I always was very confused by this because I was like if we were God’s creatures or as God’s creatures isn’t the celebration of the birth one of the most sacred things but John the Baptist got his head cut off as a birthday present so the witnesses have taken that to be like celebration of birthdays is bad III follow the logic there you know I mean you know everybody’s got their thing just be good just be nice people practice whatever religion you know what was your relationship like with your dad did you have visitation growing what was the arrangement yeah we had visitation I saw him I guess like four days we saw him like four days a month in two weeks in summer and he I know it was always like it was so the opposite of what the right regular life because it was like you know get you know getting dresses get really clean like go to you know like six church things a weekend now we’re going door to door and then afterward on growing door to door we’re gonna go to the church barbecue and after we’re done doing that we’re gonna go it’s actually not called the church it’s called the kingdom hall and then our windows there’s a few windows yeah there’s small very small exactly it’s called the kingdom hall not a church and they’re called meetings not services okay so this is I mean this being in a Jehovah’s Witness family this is a is quite a commitment there’s there’s a this is big part of your life so I would assume that at that time your your mom was also a part of this or was she just kind of saying okay well your dad’s doing this and we’re kind of just gonna kind of ride along yeah I mean honestly I mean I was never a Jehovah’s Witness I mean I was just like my dad and so when he said when he left was your mom like okay we’re not gonna do that anymore let’s not go to the kingdom hall anymore yeah she is just you know very theological she believes in like you know history and like all religion and spirituality and Christianity and she’s got a lot of different beliefs very wide variety but um yeah you know I got no problem with jovis witnesses you know every religion teaches own my only logic is like just be like nice to each other you know just like I think that that’s what really matters that’s what Jesus would want what was your observation I mean did you go to a church with your mom what was your observation visiting your dad and I guess having a label of Jehovah’s Witness and being an outsider that you not being at home as witness what was your observation there and then growing up with your mom how you were raised there um it just seemed so different you know it just seems so and obviously you know this is nothing to do with the religion at large but like it just felt very superficial you know what I mean like my dad and his stepmom were them and it was very like Stepford feeling when we would go and visit them and like it was just a very interesting juxtaposition like they had everything and like oh they had like food and everything was like clean and yada yada yada but it didn’t feel like home whereas like home felt like you know sure it wasn’t perfect but it was real I guess in a weird way yeah I mean I guess I mean I grew up as a young kid I didn’t grow up my dad so I had visitation with my dad I remember every other weekend for a while and I mean religion wasn’t that different between my mom and my dad they both were church-going Christian people but I mean that I can certainly relate to that part about even not feeling like oh this is going to see my dad it wasn’t home it was a different thing when you’re that young it’s just something you just kind of plug into and and it would just be like I just remember feeling so bummed out if like a friend was having a birthday party one weekend I like there was an opportunity to like see a movie or like go on a school trip and like that opportunity came available but it was a dad weekend I was like right you know which is like you know not no fault of his but I was always I just never wanted to go and there was a lot of sounds like there was a lot of religious obligations every time you were there we got we got a dress this way we got to go here we got to do this this is my waking up a job 5:30 6:00 a.m. we’re gonna go to this thing like a brutal just like there’s a they have thing called the district Convention which is like 12 hours of service and it happens like one or two weekends a year and I remember if we had a dad visit on the district convention I was like I would lay awake for like weeks knowing that it was coming it was it’s brutal imagine being a kid and I now know why this was so like just so hard like having to go for me as a kid and sit still and just be preached at for 12 hours not be able I couldn’t doodle I couldn’t even write my own like stories I had to sit and literally just sit and listen and follow along and book it was the most pain like just it was hell so hard you just couldn’t sit there and like snicker at each other like Lincoln I did in the balcony at our our little church no snickering had no falling asleep so you know that feeling where you’re so under stimulated that you’re just like you’re like literally just pulling your eyes up to stay awake no snickering no falling asleep no doing something else like no coloring no drawing no anything just listen and it was oh and that was until what age 17 okay see you and your sister a little bit older did that did that draw the two of you closer kind of oh yeah I know my big sister Knight you know wait we’re good we’re solid yeah it was just like just I just would never do that to any any child like I barely believe in education the way we do it I’m like kids are gonna get curious about things at different times in their life like maybe this kid wants to learn math right now great let them learn math later them want to learn this you know like I think that we should really just like have structure but not control it’s like okay we’re gonna learn from 8:00 a.m. to 3:00 p.m. but what you learn what you’re curious about is entirely up to you you know but you are gonna be like progressing in some way you know right that so did you have a reaction that even if that is you are like I’m gonna Chuck this whole religious thing no I mean like the word you know I think fortunately like my mom’s opinion and openness I guess really saved my view of spirituality and view of people’s relationships with God you know I think that if I only had the Jehovah’s Witness perspective I would 100% be like forget that but because I also had my mom who’s like well Judaism believes this Buddhism believes this you know let’s watch history of the Bible like oh I got this great documentary from the library like let’s watch this like just a very like rich multicultural experience with spirituality and God and what people believe so that made me feel connected to that was that something that was developing like you know as you were a teenager you’re in high school and you’re in this environment was it just like I just don’t know about this this stuff that we’re doing that seems like rote seems like obligation were you kind of beginning to think that this there’s got to be something other than this or after he left and your mom having these influences and these ideas all along all along I mean I never he never I didn’t have no recollection of them being in the same room you know okay so like they were yeah like I really don’t have any memory of them being together but I like prayed every night as a kid and I still like I still take a moment before I eat you know and before I go to sleep should just be grateful because I think that that’s really important you know mm-hmm like those are still patterns that like I maintain so what was high school like for you um high school was good I got my first job which I liked I worked I worked at ice cream shop oh yeah yeah in a sample giver mm-hmm scooper sample giver I called everybody sweetie officer yeah yep yep baskin-robbins everyone it was Preston’s in Burlingame California which is a locally like owned you know small business family-owned business public law and had been there forever and it was great and I also worked at a video store and that was great and those are two classic jobs a classic job what was your first teenaged job it was cleaning out underneath houses oh I cleaned out underneath houses a little bit too when the construction people get through building the house mm-hmm when they get through they have used the foundation of the house as a trash can oh really they send a kid underneath there to clean it all out and put plastic under there and as I’ve already established I’m a pretty big guy I was already pretty big and I’m going there houses worrying about snakes and like cups with redneck tobacco juice in them oh yeah that was my first job I think that was my first that was the one of my high school jobs yeah that’s gross and I wasn’t working with ice cream that’s for sure yeah it was expired and it was in a little container underneath the house no grass yeah I loved it I would I would go back to that right now and in an instant I’m not surprised by that actually I see you as somebody that would really enjoy just like the routine order and the structure of the order yeah just going to level para nose hair trimmers making sure it’s all I had a I had a riding lawnmower Hanna well I mean you know I remember that you would I have a memory of you riding a riding lawnmower like down the road in Lillington like from one house to another is that is that true did it happen yeah I didn’t I would drive the lawn mower across Lillington across major streets to go to houses that I had to mow because that was easier than putting it on a trailer and then driving I was before I didn’t have my license before a lawn mower race did you pick up a lot of chicks Mary Ellen where the ladies around Lillington loved the guy with the lawn mower I mean it were easy to keep up where the girls could just jump a sidewalk right next to you the whole time that’s a man with ambition they could tell okay so keep it level I scream saw in video store huh yeah I scream and video store I raised my little sister a bunch I was a yearbook I did the yearbook and newspaper publication okay hmm I thought it was gonna be a journalist or a teacher with the majority my life and I pursued translation so you were very plugged and very involved not with the school I mean like I was I was plugged in and involved into like you know it was easy everybody knew me and so it was easy to get in and get out of what I wanted so it’s like during journalism of doing your book it was he’s like I could just walk into the room I need this picture thanks guys bye I mean like it was easy to take care of and I would leave school and then I’ll go work mm-hmm so you thought you wanted to be a journalist at the time I did or a teacher and when you decided to go to Berkeley mm-hmm was that to pursue that career um well I went into Cal it’s actually really funny I first didn’t plan on going to college and then was encouraged by my guidance counselor to go to college so I applied to a bunch of schools in Berkeley was like my reach school they were like well you should apply to Berkeley you know blah blah blah blah blah I got rejected from every single school I applied to except for Berkeley who sent a letter and but California public school or California public university they don’t do this asking for two letters of recommendation and it was a 13 s a question questionnaire it was part of the Equal Opportunities program and I did it and then I got into Berkeley and I said what was your equal opportunity well you’re a white girl yeah but I grew up in poverty and my mom is schizophrenic okay so you left that part up yeah it’s a friend yeah so we actually I got emancipated when I was like 15 and my little sister went to foster care Wow yeah so there was a good chunk of stuff that helped you know I had terrible grades but great test results terrible grades like I mean I wasn’t gonna homework my goodness so when you said a few minutes ago that you raised your little sister you literally meant that yes your mom was diagnosed and I mean can you tell us more about that how did that happen yeah I mean it’s kind of like I want people like I think at some point in my life I’d like to speak you know at length about mental health stigma with the illness like schizophrenia it’s a psychosis so it’s not like a sociopath like illness which is like kind of like you know people do bad things but like a psychotic illness you know as we describe people like oh that guy’s psychotic he’s not actually psychotic like that’s a bad guy psychotic means like voices images hallucinations like multiple reality like that’s psychotic you know um so yeah what was your question you were raising you because your mom was struggling with this illness mm-hmm you had to kind of step in and raise yours yes sir he was 11 years young what led up to that point I mean what what does that mean exactly does she have to go get treatment somewhere how did that work you know things would have been around I think things would have been really different if she had gotten treatment but now she just gets panic just you know there’s a lot of people are unmedicated mentally ill so she was in the house she was working she was there but she wasn’t able to function yes mom she wasn’t really able to she wasn’t able to do a lot of things she wasn’t able to do a lot of jobs and she had like you know she had she had a guy that came and like helped out with like bills and stuff but she just got worse so she got older you know so it went from like you’re quirky and weird and everything seems weird but guess that’s cool like we’re just different and then as I got older and when Maggie was born it’s no sister it was like wow we’re not different like something’s wrong you know and I remember being 11 and my mom telling my sister and I that she got pregnant and I remember being like you need to have an abortion because we can’t have a child in this house like what are you gonna do with a baby like how we like like how we gonna have a baby then she had the baby and that was like the best thing that ever happened to me right yeah Maggie would like totally saved my life i 100% could become like that kid that like does drugs and runs away from home and like all that stuff but Maggie was just smiling loving baby I mean you guys have kids you know like all you have to do for a babies love it and it’s like loves you back and then they get older and then you you know more responsibilities but like it was a good pure thing you know how did your mom’s illness kind of manifest itself that I mean you you would see it manifest herself at a point where that’s what you said when you found out she was pregnant mm-hmm and that brought you to a point where it your life without Maggie could have gone off the deep end is what you’re saying yeah I mean I honestly I think that the point where everything changed was probably when I was like 15 or 16 and my sister my older sister I’d been like peace I’m going to college and then you know like I said it’s a it’s an illness it gets worse with age I just what was happening I don’t you know just crazy stuff so anyway I just didn’t want Maggie I just couldn’t picture Maggie being there alone and then like the closer I got to 18 it was like well either I’m just gonna like take her or you know next time the cops come I’m not gonna lie I’ll be like actually things are terrible you know so yeah so there’s a point in which you kind of you saw the situation you saw what was happening and you were like I’ve got to sort of take control here I meant I’m gonna mess emancipate myself I’m gonna give my that’s just her into foster care a chance foster care by the way is a really fascinating system and like there’s a lot of like deeply flawed parts of it Maggie was in the state foster care system for only like three weeks before I had a good reputation you know in my home town for a family volunteer to adopt her or take her in and then later in life they adopted her and she’s been living there for the last I don’t know how old am I 26 how old was she at the time for well yeah so yeah but I mean it’s you know there’s a lot of things that I want to do to help out with this stuff like eventually it’s like there’s so many things that you could change to make things better and it just turns out money’s the only thing you need so it’s like I’d love to like either advocate for or start a foundation that kind of provides services to those who do foster care and I’m not talking about monetary services because I don’t think that in Kurt that doesn’t help that doesn’t work because then people are like give me kids so I get checks but like services like you know maybe they go and have their own counseling you know or they go and have their own job security training you know I mean give these people skills and give them like their shot at life so that when they’re fostering kids it’s almost like a shot for self-improvement right so so your experience as going through that has sort of giving you given you a mission of sorts yeah and is it I mean is there something that now that you are the Hannah Hart that we all know and you know the YouTube celebrity Hannah Hart love sir have makeup on a face that’s right check out youtube.com slash hardtail Halloween double-win tumblr you said different things but you did not like your title card everything’s give me a freeze RAM of a data card research title good you see this as because obviously part of your brand is sort of you know with your recent tour a part of your brand is sort of giving back to people and bringing people together and and that’s very evident like I know that you’ve done a lot of your gatherings it like soup kitchens and volunteering for people when did that become a part of your like identity and your in your brand well it didn’t become a part of my identity until I got security I guess you know like it was like the channel was doing well and I was successful and like I could support like my loved ones and then I just felt like entertainment felt so hollow mmm so then it was like wow like actually I’m side of privilege now like I can give back and I guess that’s kind of what I try and say when we were doing the meetups and stuff like that and arguably by the way like I’m not at all perfect like I don’t go to a soup kitchen every week like I’m not you know I try and like donate money but like you know I’m not like tiny I’m not 100% on the time all the time blah blah blah blah blah I don’t want to make myself out to be that way cuz you know I’m human and blah but I do think that some one way of looking at donating charity volunteer work is to think that it’s not a guilt it’s not an obligation but it’s more like a privilege like you’re lucky you’re lucky enough to do you’re able to give back yeah not like you’re able so you should like people push back against that so hard but more like hey if you’re sitting at home depressed or if you’re feeling like your life is empty or bubble bubble bubble blah like go outside for two hours meet a bunch of strangers and like sort cans or something it’ll make you feel good so if you need a selfish way to justify something like a not guilt way like a selfish way like go do it cuz it’s gonna make you feel good well when we found out that you were doing your meet-up said you know soup kitchens and shelters and that kind of thing we thought back to the fact that we across the country and did a bunch of meetups at rest stops I don’t like we broke up a lot of shady activities you guys brought a lot of positive energy into the rest stop not a lot of positive energy and a rest stop and for us it was really hard though to get people to let us into the we went to food banks and we went to like to soup kitchens but went to a bunch of food banks because of the brand find drunk kitchen people push back against that so hard you don’t come here and get drunk yeah yeah they’re like so buddy would this my drunk kitchen girl and like we have the support of some major charitable organizations helping us put in get in touch with good people but I can’t actually say their names or be like front-facing about their support because they as a public entity also can’t be affiliated with my jerk kitchen but I’m like okay sure whatever I get it you know right yeah so work is still getting done what it I was gonna ask so how was Maggie what’s the update there she’s great 16 Sasi has a great tumblr Scott she’s a feminist she’s great Maggie’s great she’s uh she’s lovely yeah she’s just definitely sixteen sassy pants and what about your mom do you keep in touch what happened there yeah she was homeless for a while but then I was able to support her so I had to borrow now I just she’s got a place that she stays that and I try and see her one again yeah and then you so going back to college she went to Berkeley mm-hmm kind of you made a decision that my life is going to continue on this trajectory yeah I mean I really just like I guess honestly before all this YouTube stuff my number one focus was just job security money just trying to figure out how to like do it what were you thinking in terms of major and things like that well so I studied I went in for communications like you know I was like perfect marketing business sound like that and then I ended up doing literature because I felt like if you go after a pure business degree or a pure marketing degree you’re not gaining anything to bring to the table so it seemed like literature or philosophy or history like you’re actually learning things that you can put in your brain to like make different connections to create things you know so I say literature and then I was like well that’s not gonna be enough I should study an Asian language because Asian languages are big and also being an interpreter being a translator that’s something that’s not going to really disappear so I study Japanese I was able to like go to Japan like I have been super blessed like super SuperDuper blessed all right drop some Japanese science on us Jenny site language science that’s a rap terminology for like speak something awesome Mizuho nan de mas mmm I’m drinking water oh and it tastes good is that what you just said I was translating to ie it tastes good oh yeah and we us can you compliment my check Dinka Sanwa taught them all koi that’s all I said you’re like super cool I think no you said my nipples were hard they’re not I saw you’re looking down there I was giving you a video once over if you are looking at my nipples I was trying to find the nips do you know those Japanese people look at her damn again yeah so you become away so you you master the Japanese language I do not why I couldn’t say master I mean like if it just sounded like I sounded pretty awesome I can like right now I’m like conversational at best you know is there like there is there a little Tokyo here in town there it’s not is there there’s a little Tokyo it’s very little it’s like a mall okay so you don’t like go there and like hey I got a practice y’all know not really because yes of course my job is to be a youtuber now you know give us right give us the YouTube subscribe to my channel so how did you go from from studying and then becoming a translator to being a youtuber I was living in New York I had moved from San Francisco to New York for the company I was working for I was doing proofreading at that company which is like white collar mining you know it’s like I would have one patent document here in one patent document here has English this is the other language and just have to kind of go through looking for errors major every sentence was in I mean like anyone even before languages I didn’t speak like German just like making sure it says like slaw a and just lot B the folk a and F of B for fall or whatever yes Japanese yeah no that was German it’s the German then my older sister Naomi bought me that laptop the MacBook it was a white whatever the generation the first like white MacBook with a webcam yeah now we’re in story territory this is the one everyone gets you to tell yep this is it but I’ve got to hear it so yeah you dull just for sure for sure is the white MacBook from my sister story yep my sister Bobby is the juicy details that you don’t give to like the journalists that’s right okay all right so I was at her apartment cat sitting and then I was video chatting with a friend back home because it was so cool to have video chat the year was 2011 and I don’t know I used to you know my friend miss me I was like I miss when you would like get drunk and cook man and I was like dude I’ll do that for you right now and she was like feeling loved so then I was like I’m making a video so I made her my drunk kitchen you you you ended the I chat and then you said I said on so I like ended it put up iMovie hit like import from camera and then just recorded like 20 minutes 25 minutes I’m a lightweight I’m like a to drink drunk three drink drunk to this day and then chopped it up on iMovie and then put it up on YouTube in the sent it to Hannah I killed which is her name and then you put it on YouTube public but why would anyone see it okay what’s our YouTube you legitimately used YouTube for what I think it was intended for intended for yeah it was hey I’ve got a video and I want you to see it yep and this is how I’m gonna do it yep exactly so like I so I did that and I sent it to her and she don’t put it up on Facebook and all of her friends and all my friends I was like this is so funny share share share I mean it wasn’t even that big of a quote-unquote viral video like it was like it like maybe got to like a couple hundred thousand I’m like seven hundred thousand I actually don’t have any idea but I noticed like people are commenting I was like where’s episode two this is my new favorite show or is it so – right and I was like what are they talking about so then I went into like the YouTube K hole who was like oh you were not you were not a youtube consumer is that what you’re saying you didn’t watch other youtubers it was inspire to be that it YouTube was not that to you the first time I heard of epicMealTime was in the comments of that video okay somebody’s like this bitch is ripping off Epic Meal Time really yeah they’ve won an episode – and then your response was like three weeks later on a random day I put up another one and then a month after I mean I have no idea the periods of time in between certainly wasn’t on the schedule certainly but if we go back on your channel my heart oh yeah it’s all there it’s always sort by date the first one is the first one yeah but I’ve changed the title added like you know annotations like stay tubed and like subscribe and like all that stuff now and it was originally called my drunk kitchen but now it’s called Madrid kitchen episode 1 but er you’re right yes so you did 2 more you might get two and then three was supposed to be the last one and then I just don’t know what Capel I just didn’t stop I don’t know I just was fun it was like such an outlet and then yeah and then you know it’s like money starts coming in because you’re advertising and then so I quit my translation job and not because I was so lucrative obviously not but then I just got rid of my apartment cut all my expenses and couch surfed so I could just use all my money for the things I needed to put it towards and then I just lived on couches for a while until I moved to LA which was when January 2012 okay crazy crazy change we’re coming up on two years yeah here yeah I just passed two years March 2013 was the second year oh yeah and the videos of like super improved and now I just shot a video recently with two cameras rolling Halloween pain on your face mmm-hmm pretty well I think it did I’m on my side of the face was excellent I just really liked I don’t know it was more than I was so pleased you know I feel like we should revisit the graffiti thing maybe oh we could do that now alright so let’s get into this your sexuality is a big part of your brain yeah talking about nipples homos your are a heterosexual now a link I’m sorry my getting the terminology wrong I prefer the term girl kisser okay seen that on a t-shirt do you sell that t-shirt I should should think about it I know so okay so there was a point at which you decided to be open about your sexuality on your channel and I don’t remember all the details of those videos but I did watch those and I remember you just really got attached the coming-out chapter one video right yeah so there were some chapters in this I still post chapters one marriage passed I put coming-out chapter five marriage and I was like marriage is about partnership is about trust I just talked about my personal beliefs in marriage and so I remember one of the things maybe miss Kwan paraphrasing here but it was you said something to the effect of you know I never really felt the need to come out and this isn’t some big deal that I feel like I needed to come out and like confess to you guys it I’m a lesbian it was more like I kind of feel like maybe I have a responsibility to do that so I’ll I’ll do it you know maybe them yeah you remember when Anderson Cooper came out and everybody like it was it’s weird think it was on Episode two of the mole yeah you know he hosted that right no way really the reality show competition showed the mole he was the host of that first big gig I had no idea he came out but no one remembers it his hair was black at the time and him coming out often the show was not them all as a whole no so so as you remember when Anderson Cooper came out uh you know he was just like guys it’s not like I was hiding it it’s just not like my job isn’t to be like gay news guy it’s his news guy you know what I mean and so like that’s kind of the way I feel about it you know sexuality in general it’s changing a little bit as I feel more and more responsible for the LGBT community because it’s like because I happened to be gay I am inherently a role model since role models are so few and far between because there’s nothing odd so it’s like out and like Pride and stuff like that but like in terms of my personality I’ve never felt like I mean since coming to the crippling realization that I was gay which was awful by the way well yeah I want to go in – totally – I almost want to put a thumbtack yeah not a pinion yeah and is it supposed to be a pin maybe a push push a pen mm-hmm unfurled paperclip can you give us the whole backstory just I mean in any way you want to just in terms of the this sexual backstory because you know I am very interested about you you come into grips with being a role model and being someone first let’s hear it let’s hear the story right yeah yeah totally I was in college sophomore year of college and I was in Japanese class and this girl behind me you know would just like compliment on my jacket and I was like oh yeah thanks and then we became like best friends she was straight or you know is straight she’s married has baby now um and I just realized like three weeks in I was like oh my god like I have like a crush on this girl and like given also by the way like I had boyfriends in high school I always just attributed you know due to the circumstances of my life I was like I must really not be able to fall in love with people maybe that’s like a weird emotional thing I’ve got like a block I must not be able to fall in love because I’ve never fallen in love and like I don’t really like any my boyfriend’s I mean they’re great friends and they’re really attractive guys like what’s wrong with me what’s wrong with me and I was so so so so confused and obviously homosexuality was not accepted in either of my households either mom you know not even a little bit my dad’s grant my dad’s dad my grandpa is gay or was gay and so I think that’s another big thing that was like super like a big deal for my dad did you always know that I was like nine and then it was like a big deal but it was like he had like two wives and like six kids or five kids and he really you know tried to do it and then just finally he was like 65 and he’s like guys I’m gay I’m sorry I’m just gay I’m sorry I had two wives I tried so hard you know so anyway I just always thought that I just couldn’t fall in love that sort of thing and I actually remember spring of my freshman year no yeah fall of my sophomore year praying like you know and I would go to like Christian campus events and I was just and I remember praying be like let me fall in love like let me find somebody I fall in love with like have that experience and like feel loved and then sophomore year spring so fall I you know prayed for that and wanted to fall in love and then sophomore year the first class first day of the first semester you know in the spring I I met the girl and then I the girl that complimented the jacket jacket yeah and then you know we became like super super close friends and then you know at that point I had gay friends for the first time in my life and they’re like you talk about this girl like constantly and it was always kind of a joke like I always joke around I’m like yeah I’m secretly gay haha which is not uncommon for a lot of people NWA so anyway long story short I was kind of like maybe I have a crush in ER you know what i’ma nip this in the bud I’m just gonna tell her and then she’s gonna be like EW gross get away from me forever and I will never have to think this thought or have this feeling ever again I told her and she was like oh my god I think this is crazy so I went to a party and that night we made out and I just remember thinking like when we were like making out I remember being like wow this is so easy and I’m gay yeah but it you know honestly I had in my entire first relationship fell in love with the first time whole thing whole thing got my heart broken went back to dating guys immediately after because I was like well I’m not gay it was just that one girl I’m not gay I’m not gay I’m not gay it was a fluke there’s no way I’m gay there’s no way I’m gay what was going through your mind that led to the denial I really really really wanted a shot at a happy life and I had been raised to believe that if I was gay I could never have a happy normal healthy life so it’s like the last thing I wanted coming through what I had gone through in terms of was that mm-hmm couldn’t lead a normal life a happy life in terms of discrimination in terms of ostracism in terms of what God thought of you it’s like it’s all of it I mean it’s you know mainly just that like when you’re raised in a homophobic household you’re really raised to believe that gay people are like this other thing and so I’m like why can’t be gay cuz I’m not an other thing I am I mean I’m still 100% me it’s just you know and so like to have that thought I just didn’t want it to be true because I felt like if I was gay it was somehow change who I am mm-hmm and then obviously you know years of self-reflection and coming out to very small groups and all that stuff like it’s not true and that’s the thing I kind of advocate the most to kids who live all across the country meeting these kids I’m like you don’t have to be the biggest flaming homo in the whole world and still feel romantic love for the person if you love for you know and I think that like it also got preached to me in a very like sexual way like it was about sex he’s about sex which is of course affiliated with sin and yada yada yada yada yada but it’s see we’re not it’s about love I mean you guys know what romantic love feels like it doesn’t feel like platonic love the different feeling mm-hmm people seem to ignore that like sex is just sex you know baby it’s great but you know it’s not love I mean so I mean you were wrestling with all this you were trying you had the girlfriend and then you go buddy go dating guys hmm you had enough she was officially your girlfriend so amongst you a group of friends only need-to-know basis Oh Barry Barry not out at all even a little bit wasn’t public so then you go back date a couple of other guys no didn’t work yeah once you’ve like fallen in love for the first time like you know like I just was like I’m like it was just so bad and you know I really tried now at this time when you’re struggling through this stuff your relationship with your mom and dad respectively is weird these are not real functional relationships it’s not like well she was emancipated you’re emancipated from from your I saw in contact I mean like you know she was like my kid you know but it’s but it’s not this thing that is it this okay there’s something that has sort of been ingrained in you personally that you’re kind of struggling where there is there this like well I don’t want to have to tell my parents about this it does seem like the parents thing would be that big of a deal because now you’re not it’s still like beyond that you know though I think that the the sad truth is a regardless of how your parents were able to or were not able to take care of you there is something inherent that makes you want your parents love and approval regardless you want to please them you dad a hundred percent you know obviously my mom wasn’t able to really comprehend it it was negative we don’t talk about it and my dad you know I told him when I was like 23 or you know just randomly I was like not random blame I was like hey I just wanted to like give you a heads up not even that it was like I’m going to tell you this now you know cuz we don’t we really don’t have a relationship it was just like I felt like I should it’s more for me I guess you know and then one of the said he said was uh how you just just what did you say you were just like BAM well I immediately burst into tears just because I just felt and sunny and again it’s really not about it’s like what they represent you know what I mean um and it was really really hard and then it was interesting though because you know he’s the word choice which a lot of people use he’s like if you’re going to choose to do this and I was like dad like your dad’s gay like it’s not my choice who I fell in love with and he said it is your choice and he said it is your choice whether or not to fall in love so that’s the sin even if you’re a homosexual it’s like cool you’re gay it’s a new its genetic I get it I accept that don’t ever act on it don’t ever fall in love with somebody just be single because that will make God happier that’s the choice in his mind and I was like that’s I mean but you even had have been crushing on some level of you obviously you expected it but to hear it yeah I mean it’s just kind of like you know it was but at that point like I mean our relationship is so not a factor in my life at that point it was almost kind of a relief to hear him say something so ignorant mmm because it was like wow that doesn’t even hurt like you could package his stance in his own words and say it felt like watching any senator talk about how gay people don’t deserve rights you’re just like wow you’re one of those you’re one of those bad people so backing up just a little bit so you you you date the guys and then what what kind of when did it become just totally clearing your mouth now the end the girl your first girlfriend said that she’s not gay I don’t know I mean like it’s hot like I can’t label anybody but she definitely you know went back to the life that she felt more comfortable in you know I mean it’s a it’s like it’s unfortunately such a huge deal but like microscopically like sit on the couch arguing about dishes making dinner falling asleep doing chores like life level real life level not a deal at all but the way I mean some people like you get you get looked at on the street like all that other stuff really bleeds into some people’s hearts the way they’re perceived and for me I’ve never really been worried about the outside world like outside world I get it I have always just really wanted the happy inside world like coming home and like having somebody be there being like hey you know I made dinner fYI also I did the laundry it’s like that’s all I’ve ever wanted my whole life you know what I mean it makes everything worth it but for some people who grew up with that I think that having be you know paranoia I’m like do you think the waitress is being rude to us because we’re here together mmm bad stuff some people just can’t get past so how did you find that inner voice after going back to boyfriend’s you were c/o in the fighting phase at this point um you know just lots of like laying awake at night feeling frustrated you know I would play all these games with myself would be like walking down the street and see a guy and see a girl who I would you know be like okay let’s say they’re about regular attractive or just see a random guys here and oh girl I’m like quick like who do you want to have sex with you know I’m like trying to force an answer that and it’s like why don’t I sex with either these people are strangers by the way we should develop that greed or not kidding there’s a new show in England called the sex box where people go into a box have sex and then they come out and they’re interviewed by a panel of sex experts sex birds yeah shut up I’m not making this up they stole our idea before we Hank who you want to have sex with there’s a better idea yes between the bus your sexbots it’s an app now instead of sex box check spots oh we brainstorming that I don’t know you just go back to your story yeah yeah so I’d like do all these mind games with a which a lot of people struggling with their identity sexuality audio de adieu to try and like trick yourself into an answer trick yourself out of being gay bah blah blah and just this emotional maturity it just comes with time it comes with like life and you know I would get drunk at a party and end up accidentally making out with some girl or like I’d be at a party I’d be like okay I’m here with this guy who I like I’m just gonna sit and talk to this girl on this couch for like the whole time and like he and I would leave the party and like go make out in his car and I would just be like she was so great kinda shut up your video with this guy in the car like focus focus you know get back to the center so eventually you just get tired of it and you just you know start to do the personal work to kind of undo the knots what was that moment for you that eventually I’m now tired of this I can’t you know I couldn’t I couldn’t pinpoint it was it in college yeah I mean you know yeah it’s hard to say it’s a it’s a real amorphous journey now looking back at it you know there was no other moment the significant moments I remember were kissing her for the first time going back to dating guys and feeling like that wasn’t working and then just kind of step by step by step just you know one day at a time kind of accepting it you know sometimes I would tell people oh yeah I’m gay have is a stranger I was never gonna see again well I’m gay well just like play with it see how it felt okay so there wasn’t this like okay now is when I’m going to come out of the closet and just publicly identify my so I was like I want to try it on this person and see what I see how they react yeah I mean there’s a lot there’s plenty of people who I never ever ever ever told and if they watch YouTube or listen to your biscuits and then now they know oh they do oh they do they probably found out on YouTube before your biscuits just know your biscuits is like a real big deal so was there a lot of chatter in the comments of your videos before you did you before you made a definitive announcement none I’m not honestly like non-factor comedies not about gay or straight just about comedy but people in comments have a would have a way of doing that I mean in my first video people like she looks like Justin Bieber does she have but like you know it’s always like does she have a boyfriend to shave her girlfriend she’s hot she’s not hot it’s all the same stuff yeah you know so yeah and then the coming out video there was just a lot of like I had no idea I was like really but then I’m like well who’s to say you know like I hipsters look gay kinda that’s terrible I shouldn’t say that you know yeah I feel bad though when people talk to me about their coming-out stories I feel responsible and I’m like I’m sorry I it’s awful you know I get letters from kids all the time being like you know I live in Alabama I live in Nebraska I will never ever tell anybody I met a thirty year old woman who recently heart or sexual came out six weeks ago married whole thing and I’m like wow and then my instant how did you met her in person yeah just me a fan you bump into people you know okay my instinct is still because of the way I was raised are you sure maybe you’re not I mean like do you really wanna do this is how is your family you know but yeah now I’m in worl model for it so you know and I think this is interesting because there’s there’s obviously gay celebrities who people the gay community may look at as we want you to speak on our behalf or but it’s so different you know take gay out for a second and just talk about the difference between a traditional celebrity and then a YouTube celebrity there’s obvious a obviously a much stronger connection between your fan base totally you know a traditional celebrity isn’t sitting around and reading their fan mail and feeling responsible for something yeah but we know you know being in this position it’s just like your your friend your fans are your friends and there’s a there’s a I’ve been describing them lately as kind of your boss right yeah and there’s a sense of obligation because your performance review exactly yeah and and then you throw in the fact that ok well now you are in some sense as a gay icon and and so you know you get people can’t how are you dealing with that if people are confessing things to you people are asking questions yeah well what what is it like you said you you’re interacting with people they confess their struggles with you they write you letters I mean that has to get heavy it does yeah and I think that like honestly when I’m talking with them or reacting you know I’m really try and like I guess choose faith instead of fear like you try and be like the brave version of me and not let like my own you know fear compromise that and just be like if they can see me as someone who’s like brave and confident and comfortable and unabashed and all that good stuff then like and that’s the person that they look up to like then I am then there must be some truth in that like that is that part of me regardless of like the internal whirlwind of me being like oh my god but it’s getting easier I mean when it first started oh my god what I mean what is that internal whirlwind it’s just basically like I just don’t wanna be like suffer but it’s like you have to choose your suffering right what you’re gonna do is just be in the closet girl life and be like I’m miserable or are you gonna go through that really kind of brutal kind of reaching for something richer but I think that’s all life it’s like do you choose comfort stability or are you gonna pursue your like deeper truth like and that’s a choice people make now do you think that do you respond individually to people or do you take into account the things that people are saying to you personally and then let it change your content because you’re kind of speaking to everyone at the same time like if people keep asking me about this maybe I should make a video to answer this question collectively or I’m gonna respond to this person I think that you know it varies you guys know it’s like there’s no like direct set always a hundred percent system sometimes a comment will hit home and you’re like I’m not talking about this sometimes you’ll notice a trend and you’re like I’m gonna talk about this you know it’s really just case-by-case but I would imagine you’re hearing horror stories of people growing up in the closet and not knowing kids not knowing what to do with themselves I mean you’re getting those type of letters right mm-hmm I guess I kind of feel like something good that’s you know I’m getting those type of letters for a reason maybe that reason is I can show them like a happy life you know so it’s like I don’t but hey I don’t want to get too freaky be it is only a portion of the audience and see they’ve sent me that letter because of something already you know what I mean so it’s like maybe the beat way being a role model is to continue to do things the way I do them you know mm-hmm but I do yeah I mean there are videos that there’s like a list of videos that I really want to do but is it you know it’s like heavier stuff and it’s you know it’s you know the ones like the smaller videos that are more serious they’re always the ones you take more to heart you know what I mean and like once you put stuff like that out there it’s out there you know when it almost is like well you keep it close well you play it play it close you’re like well maybe someday and I once put it out there like oh I guess that really wasn’t as big a deal as I thought you know what type of things I mean obviously you’re not you not you haven’t made those videos yeah but what type of questions maybe don’t give us your answer as much as what are the questions I mean like these teens like we represent like a strong teen audience right and like like I don’t know if it’s I think that there’s a real problem with like I mean frankly I really want to do a video about self-harm like kind of just talking about it like taking away like demonizing it and just like speaking directly I mean like your things you could do to like maybe help yourself out you know I had a girl show me like her cuts on her arm and she told me she was like you help me stop doing this and her mom was with her and her mom was crying she’s like Jay was like you help me stop doing this you know stop doing this um so thank you so do you and we’ll wrap up here in a second but I I think that you know you’ve got this responsibility you’ve got people asking you these questions do you think it at some point it changed from I’m an entertainer to like okay now I’m responsible you know because I think you know it’s interesting because I think because of who you are and the nature of your content and the fact that you you have talked about your sexuality in videos it’s it’s significantly different than just two comedians who are making a bunch of funny videos where we think about the next video we think about the next project we’re like what thing are we going to create that’s going to entertain not that we don’t feel a sense of responsibility to our audience and that kind of thing but it seems that there’s a there’s a little bit more of a it’s a little little weightier with you it does that affect like what you’re gonna work on next I think it kind of honestly like the comedy stuff is like obviously more popular and it’s great and it’s comedy and so it’s wonderful to be an entertainer and you know I know grace gets a lot of intense stuff sent her way too but grace is a performer she’s an entertainer she’s a comedian she studied it she want to do it her whole life like that’s her thing I think that because I never pursued entertainment the fact that there’s some residents that can be more worthwhile in a different way because comedy is worthwhile but worthwhile in a different way makes it more rewarding for me personally because I mean I love making people laugh but I also want to make things better do and whatever way again I think for you know just to wrap up I and at the risk of kind of taking them couples a step backwards I’m going to say nipples one more time I think maybe just this is reacting a question and reach writing some ground but people who would say there’s certain people who may listen to our conversation here and they’ll say you know that hand I see you know she had a screwed up past that’s actually why she’s gay yeah I know it’s so and like look you’re not like oh okay but you know who else is gay people that come from quote-unquote perfect household you know else’s gay black people white people ancient people you know penguins dolphins like I get it but like there are people that it’s it’s it’s I get I get really frustrated when people bring that up because it’s a so obvious be so irrelevant because there’s so much more evidence saying the opposite but people like I figured you out you came from a broken home and that’s why your you feel the need to be homosexual and it’s like you know a lot of people come from broken homes a lot of people come from healthy homes and a lot of people are gay and a lot of people are straight it you know it’s just frustrating well Hannah I will say this I am very glad that you wiped all of the makeup that we put on your face off before we had this conversation taking a different oh my god it you know what it’s so funny I’ve just I totally forgot I’m talking to half field use half Wolfman okay we need you to sign the table right grab the sharpie where is that brother okay I have any makeup left over we got music sure I can find it I can find the sharp half Chiefs fan half Cardinals fan but seriously thanks so much for sharing as much as you did and for allowing us to have this conversation yeah and this I feel honored you’re very sweet also I will be editing this episode of uh your biscuits they’re looking at me so seriously right now you guys came to talk no absolutely no we’re thinking she doesn’t know that there’s no editing at all right yeah okay yeah it’s a podcast it just goes and that was our conversation with Hannah Hart want to thank Hannah ferb he’s coming and being real with an air biscuit get the table of dim lighting she she opened up Childers a real story yeah he tells it you ever heard before like it was a privilege that she decided to share to that extent and we were able to gain an understanding of who she is and where she came from it thinks that she had to deal with with her parents and everything you know that I think that kind of unpacking her mom’s story was something that maybe at first she didn’t know we that we wanted to go there that was a type of thing we want to talk about on the podcast once we stopped recording Hannah told us that she didn’t want to seem like she was being evasive and talking about her mom and her mom’s illness that it was just getting a feel for where the podcast was going but that once that was something that you know I don’t know how how far to push on things like that but I’m glad that she was comfortable sharing that part of her life and having to deal with her mom’s illness and continuing to deal with it to this day so the fact that she was comfortable sharing that too is you know I’m I’m just I love this show I love doing this I’m not I feel like we crafted this type of conversation for us this is these the type of conversations that we want to have with people but I’m glad that you out there in the listening world of the internet enjoy it yeah because I would say that the way I would characterize this show so far is this I think it’s a pretty selfish endeavor honestly because typically what we do is we just try to entertain people I mean you know not that we aren’t when we do good mythical morning when we do another video that we aren’t sitting down and trying to unpack something or but it’s almost always for purely for entertainment purposes and with very little idea as to where this whole thing was gonna go and what your bummy first what we call the ear biscuits we didn’t really know what it was gonna be with like let’s just sit down and talk to some people that we know from the internet maybe some people that we don’t know from the internet and ask them the questions that we actually legitimately have for them and just have an interesting conversation without trying to be entertaining or trying to be funny but I have to say when I when I go back and I listen to these it’s hitting me I’m like I I am being entertained by this I am enjoying these conversations because these people that we’re talking to aren’t interesting you know that they’ve got that everyone has this story and when you could begin to put the story together with a person that you know publicly there’s everything you learn a lot and you know it’s it’s challenging in a lot of ways and you know I think that happened some tonight so thanks to those of you who are listening to this on a weekly basis though the template is set this is what we’re gonna do yeah every week you’re sharing it you’re letting people know about it we obviously appreciate that and we see the comments on Twitter Facebook SoundCloud we see all those comments and we appreciate the feedback thanks for watching with your ears we’ll see you next week [Music] [Music]