(funky music) – Welcome to Ear Biscuits. I’m Link. – And I’m Rhett. This week at the round table of dim lighting, a discussion, a discussion that will feature some special guests that we will tell you about very shortly. I would not be adopting this– – No. – Late-night DJ jazz voice– – You should not do that. – For more than a little bit. – But it’s just to ease you back in– – Well, we’re kinda easing, easing back into this, getting, getting, getting my butt grooves back in my Ear Biscuits seat. – But can you just give me a little bit of jazz voice just for my own sake. – Just a little bit of this? – Just a little bit of this. – I just don’t have quite the tone for it. – Well, just drop it down a little bit. – Drop it down. – Lower the goozle a little bit. – Drop it down. – If you just lower the goozle a little bit, we’ve got some– – If you lower the goozle a little bit, I sound like an NBA telestrator operator. – Okay, that’s a different thing for another time. Okay. – They’re giving – a full-court press tonight. Bazinga! Getting our butt grooves in the seat, man. You can hear us, you can see us. – Well, some people can hear us, some people can see, some people can do both. Some people are watching on mute. If that’s your thing, I don’t care. Do it. – I mean, sometimes I watch videos with my eyes closed just to see if it would’ve been better as a podcast. – I know the feeling. – Would this ski fail video montage I’m watching be better if it was just the audio? – Uh huh. I can safely say not. – Just like a lot of soft snow moving, and then like a painful (grunts). – Yeah, which could be anything. I would venture to say that if I played you a ski accident compilation, what’d you call it? – Montage. – Montage? – Ski mishap montage. – Ski mishap montage. – Believe what I was thinking. – And I didn’t tell you what it was. There is like, there’s 17 different things that you would guess that it was before you would get to skiing. – We just came up with an episode of GMM. – Oh, we did, we just gave away the new GMM episode, you’re totally right! – What’re we gonna thumbnail it, though? Is it gonna be like, a black thumbnail? – I think it’s Guess That Montage. – Guess– – Guess That Montage. – Guess That Video Just by Listening to the Sounds. – What Compilation Am I Watching Now? – The Game. – Challenge. – I would say The Game. – Experiment. – Because maybe people will think the rapper, The Game, it’s a new video by him and we’ll get more clicks. – He’s not that hot right now. – Really? The Game’s not hot anymore? – We could have The Game on the show. – You think The Game would come on this? This show or the other show? – The other show. – Okay. The Game, if you’re watching, or if some of your people are watching. – You’re invited on Good Mythical Morning– – Or this show. – To listen to videos and guess what they are along with us. – The Game with The Game. – Yeah! – But, we’re not gonna make it a requirement, because if you’re not… If you got cold feet and you don’t wanna come on the show, we’re gonna wait for a certain amount of time, but then, we’re just gonna do it. – The Game does have circulation issues. – He does? How do you know about him? – Yes. – He raps about it. – No he doesn’t. – I can’t feel my toes! (laughing) – No he doesn’t. – I can’t feel my– – That’s not true. – My ring toe on my left foot. I can’t feel it. – There’s medication for that. – Got tattoos on my face. – Need to stand up more. Okay, we’re gonna have an intimate conversation tonight, not just with the two of us, but we’re bringing in some special guests. Now, we told you that we’re gonna do things a little bit different in season three. – I’m excited about this one. – We didn’t do this kind of thing ever before on an Ear Biscuit. We’re bringing in a couple of people who are mythical crew members. They work here at Mythical Entertainment, and they’re both single, and we have been told they both the dating apps. – Well, at lunch, we hang out. – As a family. – As a mythical family, and you know, things pop up in conversation. Someone might be on their phone and you might see them swiping. Well, what you swiping? “Oh, I’m just swiping somebody “on a swipeable relationship dating application”. – Right. – And I’m like, “What is that? “I don’t understand. “Can you tell me about it?”, and then it just opens up a world of anecdotal evidence that I am a dinosaur. – Right. – We’re so out of touch with this. We thought it would be great to sit down and have a conversation. Find out what it’s like to date in Los Angeles, in one of the largest cities in the world using modern dating apps. – So, Lizzie and Saagar agreed to hang out with us and talk about it and learn us some things. – We had a great conversation. We think you’ll enjoy it. – Here it is. (funky music) Say a little something, make sure it feels good. – Check check, one two. Hello, hey there, guys. – Yeah. – Yeah, that’s nice. – That’s real good. – And Lizzie? – Yes, I’m here as well. – Yes, I can see that. – Oh, wow. Now, did you just literally get a match on Tinder on your watch? – I did, because it’s the future, and my watch is also my phone. I have an Apple Watch, and I looked down, and I had a Tinder match. – But, what does it say? Like if I were to see it? – It’s gone, I don’t know where it went. – It’s just like when you get a push notification on your phone, except it just pops up right there. – Yeah. – You both have– – Just says you have a match. – You both have Apple Watches. – Oh, we planned this. – Yeah. – It was a, this is an expensive commitment, guys. – How many people here in the office have Apple Watches? – Three? Casey has one. – Yeah. – Yeah, I think that’s it. – What are the chances that we got, this shouldn’t be about dating, this should be about the Apple Watch. Let’s talk about that. – This shouldn’t be about statistics, so I don’t wanna know what the chances of anything are. – Right. – I’m excited to have this conversation, because I feel like it’s gonna be two aliens who are visiting the planet of dating in the digital age in Los Angeles. – Mm-hmm. – Who have never done that, and never will do that. – Well, I have a date night, man. Speak for yourself. You have a date night that has nothing to do with this. – Well, I mean, but it’s close as as I have gotten. – You simulate dating with your wife, which is a very healthy thing, and I do that too. I should do it more often, but it has nothing to do with what we, as aliens, visiting your world are gonna learn tonight. – But there are some times when I like, if we’re at a restaurant and I come back from the bathroom, and I come up to my wife. I treat her like I’m meeting her for the first time, and I’m like, “Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?”. – You roleplay? You roleplay at restaurants? – Yeah, I only roleplay at restaurants, Saagar. – Strictly. – It’s just at restaurants. – I was curious about what you meant by simulate a date with my wife. Isn’t just a date? – No, it’s not a date. – Does it become something – different when you’re married? – Yes, absolutely. – Yeah, yeah, yeah. – Because there are things at stake, but they’re totally different things. It’s just the quality of your relationship. – That’s the same. – Subject to a commitment that’s been made almost 17 years earlier. – Yeah, I think, ’cause that’s what we want to get to the bottom of, is not the dates that are taking our relationship to the next level, so to speak. I mean, we might hear about some of those, but just the process, because currently, you’re both single, right? – Yeah. – Yeah. – Okay, not currently in a relationship with anybody. – No. – And you’re not dating each other? You’re just coworkers. – Right. – That is accurate, yes. – We asked you both independently to be on here. – Separately. – Because by the end of this, people are just gonna be saying, you guys should date, and it’s just, why do people, just because you’re sitting next to each other and you’re talking about dating, you don’t have to date. We’ll get that out of the way. – You’ve already made it awkward, Link. – We don’t wanna see any comments about that. It’s too easy. – No, that is how it works, though. If you sit near someone, and you’re both wearing Apple Watches, that you do have to date them. – Yeah. – People automatically assume that you’re together. – Don’t take advantage of our ignorance. – They start syncing up right? – The watches start syncing up. – Yeah, like cycles, yeah. – The more time – they spend together, yeah. – Right. – It’s a lady thing. (laughing) – When I got married, not started dating my wife or any other person that I dated before her, which was just a handful of people. – A handful. – Texting didn’t exist, guys. I mean, we are, we’re like aliens. – No, no, no. – It did, but it was like government people did it. The military was texting. – Government dating people. – I think the military was texting in the 70s. That’s my theory. So, I think that military dating has probably been like this for a long time, but we’re not in the military. Never tried to be. I support the military. I think the veterans should be supported, but I’m not currently in the military. – Can we talk about the Apple Watch? – Link is currently wearing a military-style jacket, but that’s just coincidental. But no, I remember I bought a cellphone for my wife when we were, well, she wasn’t my wife yet, we just got engaged, and it was our first cellphones. That was the first cellphone I ever had was when I was engaged to my wife, and I remember calling her on it, and it was like, this is so weird, I’m like, talking on a phone in my car to you. That’s how it was. – Yeah. – I think I was 13 when I got a cellphone. – Oh that’s, come on, you don’t have to rub that in. – I was just trying to remember. – But now you’re dating, and you’re using technology that wasn’t at our disposal. How do you do it? How are you dating people? Like, step one. – It’s terrible. – How do you do it? (laughing) – So, step one. Most of these apps are linked to your Facebook, so you gotta have a Facebook account. – Okay. – They use the pictures from there, they use the about me from there. – Really? – Yeah. – You can change all that, though. That’s the qualification to make sure you’re not a robot or a serial killer. Although, you could be a serial killer and have a Facebook. – That’s how, Tinder works that way? – Yeah. – Yeah. – Most of these dating apps. – All of them are connected – to Facebook. – It hooks into your Facebook. – Yes. – What’s the first dating app that you used to actually get a date? – Hinge, is that still around? – I don’t know. I think so. – Hinge. It was, this is probably two years ago. It matched you with mutual friends. So, you had to have a mutual friend for someone to pop up. – Through Facebook. – Yes, through Facebook. So, I did that one, and I ended up dating someone off of that for a couple of months. – But what were the mechanics of Hinge? – Nightmare. – Was there swiping, was there? – There was Hinging. – I think so. – You know what, I can’t remember. Since Tinder came out, I think they all kind of copied the left is no, right is yes idea. – Yeah, they didn’t patent that. – No, everybody did it. – Is the hinge the person that you each share? Is that what the hinge is? – Yeah, I think so. – Well, that’s how relationships got started in middle school. – Yeah. – There was always a mutual friend, so that totally makes sense to me. – Yeah. – How did that work out? – He was very nice. – Was it like text conversation within the Hinge app? – Yeah, so the way all of them work is that you match with someone, and then with the exception of Bumble, generally either person can initiate the conversation, and then once you have, you talk to them for a little bit. I mean, depends on the person, but I usually wanna talk to ’em enough to make sure they’re not a psycho. – All text, though. – All text, and then you can exchange actual phone numbers and then move off the app from there. You can call them, you can text them, and then agree to meet up. – Do you always, and this is a question for both of you. If there is a match, do you always have a vocal phone call before meeting them? – No. – Before, no. – Because phone calls are weird, right? – I have before, but you know, like– – What? – I find phone calls– – Surprising, I had a hunch, though. – Phone calls are uncomfortable, yeah for sure, but you gotta hear their voice. I feel like a voice is an important thing. – So, what do you like, seek out recordings? – No, no, no. I’ll talk to– – You do have phone calls. – Yeah. I’ll have one phone call before meeting them. – Oh, you usually do. – Yeah, that’s usually, and it won’t be a full conversation. – You’ll just call and just not say anything, and just listen for them to say hello. Hello, I just wanted to hear your voice. – I’ll star 67, does that still exist? – I don’t know. – Star 69 whatever? – It was, yes. – It’s anonymous. – Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. – And they’re like, “Hello, hello?”. – Oh, there’s the voice, I like that. (laughing) Okay, now I just heard your voice. Meet me at the coffee shop. (laughing) – No, I’ll usually talk to them. I’ll call them or they’ll call me to make the plan. Like, “So, what are you doing, you wanna go here?”, or whatever. (grunting) Something like that. – But it’s not like, hey, hey, lets– – Lizzie no likey. – Let’s get to know each other better over the phone. It’s all logistics. It’s just as quick as possible to make sure that you can understand them. – Yeah. – Audibly. – Have you ever gotten on the phone and it was like a weird voice, and you’re like, uh-uh, shut it down? – I didn’t shut it down, I was nice about it, but I didn’t talk to them. – And what was the voice like, was it husky? – It was just… It didn’t match their face. It was very, it was very– – Oh, you thought you were getting catfished. – What? – No, it was like a really deep voice. – Oh, okay. – It wasn’t a man’s voice. – Ladies can have deep voices. – I know, but it was like, you know, comparable to mine. – There’s gotta be a difference? – It just wasn’t what you wanted in a voice. – Yeah, yeah. – That’s a criteria. – It’s not what I want – It’s a part of the person. – hear first thing in the morning. – Oh. – Oh, you’re thinking about, okay, you’re thinking about long-term. – Yeah. I do, when I’m on these apps, I don’t wanna just go on dates, you know? I wanna look for someone, I wanna find someone that I wanna spend the rest of my life with, and so you gotta factor in all these little details. – Because for us, it was… I mean, when online dating started happening before phones, when it was over the internet. – That was for people who were scared of people. – It was, yeah, it was something that, if you did it, you wouldn’t admit to it, and then when it worked out, and you were dating, you were introducing them to other people, you would come up with another thing to say. This is based on friends’ experiences that they would come up with another thing to say. And then, I would be like, but they met on the internet. (laughing) I was that friend. – What was online dating before these apps? – OkCupid, I think. – Match.com. – We never did any of that, either. – eHarmony, I think. – eHarmony. – I used OkCupid for a little bit. – Actually, I did too. – I went on one date using OkCupid. – But it wasn’t okay at first to go on the OkCupid, it was like if you’re a recluse, or you’re weird or desperate, or you’re into Second Life. Already, you might as well just continue the Second Life with a second life of dating. Or something, that was at least my perception, and I think in the majority of people on Earth that I cared about. – Yeah, I feel like it used to be embarrassing. – Yeah. – When Tinder first came out, I didn’t have a girlfriend at this time. Between now and then, I was in a relationship for 2 1/2 years. But, I remember Tinder first came out and I was at this Thanksgiving party. It was when I first moved to LA, so I didn’t know many people, and there was this couple there, and they said that they met on Tinder, and Tinder was like, maybe six, seven months old by that time, and they had been together for four or five months, and when they said it, they said it in that tone that they’re – Apologetic? – a little embarrassed, yeah, yeah, yeah. – Isn’t it weird? We met on Tinder. – But I thought it was gamified that it kinda cheapened it. – Yeah, I don’t think there’s a stigma now. Some people, I think it does still bother, and they actually will still try and make something up about meeting through mutual friends, but for the most part, I don’t think people care. I had a similar thing where I was also in a long-term relationship when Tinder came out, and then when I got out of that relationship, that’s actually the first time that I started using all of these apps. It was a totally different thing, because I still had the idea of online dating, in my head, being something kind of weird. It does open a door, and it’s almost, here’s the bad thing about it. – Mm-hmm. – There’s too many options. So, at a certain point. – Of people. – Of people. It’s not like you’re just meeting mutual friends. There’s hundreds of people, and it’s weird, because you feel like I could keep going. There isn’t the same stakes about connecting with one person. – Now, if you’re in a small town, though, that’s probably not the case. – No, probably not. – ‘Cause your radius is 100 miles. – So, you can set the radius to a certain amount? – Yeah, anywhere from one to 100. – Mine is small, because I will not date someone on the west side. – Right, and I think that’s something that I had absolutely no concept of before moving to LA that the size of Los Angeles, and not just the size. It is large, but it’s also very difficult to get around. – Yeah, it determines what friends you make. – So, when somebody lives on the west side, it’s like dating somebody in South Carolina. – Yeah. – It’s a long distance relationship. – Yeah, not gonna do that. – So, what do you set your radius at? – Oh, I think it’s like… I think it’s less than, I think it’s eight miles. – That’s a long ways in LA. I can get out of town in eight miles. – Well, not really. – Yeah, get out to Santa Clarita. You give me eight miles, I can get up there to Santa Clarita. – From my house, eight miles. – And you’ll never make it back. (laughing) – That’s right. You don’t wanna meet one of those folks up there. – Tell me about the first person that you went out on a physical date with through an app. – I remember, and it was on a different app called Coffee Meets Bagel. (laughing) – Are you the coffee or the bagel? – I think, well, I don’t know, it might be up to your own interpretation of that. – Okay. – Is this like a racial thing? – What? No. – I don’t know, I didn’t, what does it mean? – I don’t know. – It’s an interracial dating site, Link. – I don’t think so. – Obviously. – No, I think it’s just like a meet cute thing. It’s like, oh, let’s get coffee and a bagel. Meet coffee, meet bagel. I don’t know, it seemed safe. With Coffee Meets Bagel, you only get like one swipe per day. – That’s what it is, they send you one person a day. – Oh. – So, you gotta really think about it. – And this person is also a mutual, you guys have a mutual friend, and it doesn’t tell you who the mutual friend is unless you match. – Yeah, you’re right. – It’s a silhouette at first, and then it shows. – So, you’re matching on this person without a picture, without knowing the mutual connection. – No, there’s a picture of them. – Oh, the silhouette of the connecting person. – Yes. – Correct. – So, what did you, do you remember what you matched based off of. What was the conversation like? Let’s use it as a quick case study. – I mean, always, if the profile has less information, that’s better, and if they’re funny. – Do you remember that this guy was funny? – Yeah, I mean, he was offbeat and funny. – In a bagel kind of way. – In a bagel kind of way, yeah. I went to a 90s themed Christmas party with him. – Oh, cool. – Yeah. – That was your first date? – Yeah, actually, I think that was. – So, he invited you to a party. – Mm-hmm, yeah. It was, well, here’s the first clue. It was something he was promoting. So, he was actually working this thing, which I didn’t realize. – He got paid for you to come to somethin’? – I think so, yeah, but I had a great Christmas sweater, so. (laughing) – So, he was like, come to this party that I’m working at. – Yeah. – That’s a little weird, right? – Yeah, yeah, he was weird, for sure. – So, you met him there? How did it happen? – I just met him. ‘Cause you know what they look like, and it’s awkward, and you walk into the bar, and you pick the personson. – No, I don’t know. – Oh, I’m sorry, I’ll explain it to you. You walk in, you pick the person that looks closest to the pictures you’ve seen, and then you awkwardly walk up to them. ‘Cause, sometimes they don’t look like the picture. – I would say most of the time, right? – No. – Sometimes they do. – Yeah, sometimes they do. – But, people give their best angle. You know, the 30-degree angle and looking up? – For sure, the Myspace angle? – I think I look like my pictures. I will say that. I made an effort to not put the best pictures of me on mine, ’cause I’d rather be a pleasant surprise when I walk in, as opposed to a letdown. – [Link] That’s a smart strategy. – So, your pictures are, you think, authentic, real, true-to-life. Saagar, what’s your thing. ‘Cause you like, decorate your beard for the holidays and stuff like that. – Yeah, I always put like, one or two of those photos, just ’cause like, hey, I’m fun, look at me. – My beard is fun, at least. – Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. – No, that’s good, though. – That would like, that’s a good sign if somebody has a sense of humor and puts things in their beards, that’s good. – Yeah. – And then, I’ll put – just one, I keep my photos at three, three or four photos. So, I’ll put two of those, and then one of them will be like– – A miniature horse or something? – Yeah, yeah. – Can you put something that’s not you? – You can, I don’t, but you can. Then, I like to have one photo where I might be with a couple of friends or something, ’cause it kinda shows you’re social, you know. You go out, you have fun. – This is my ex-girlfriend. – Yeah, yeah. – Those aren’t good. Though, there are a lot of those. – Oh, really? – Really? – With another person? – Yeah. – Yeah, there are a lot of like– – Clearly an ex. – A guy and a girl together or whatever. What’s wrong with you, man? – What is that about? – That’s crazy. – Well, there’s two different scenarios that that could be about. – Okay, yeah. – I think I understand one. – Yeah. – I don’t know the other. – Lack of judgment. – Yeah. – Sounds like either one. – Yeah, or they, you know. They forgot to take that photo off their Facebook profile. – Yeah. – Oh, yeah, ’cause it’s connected to Facebook, so it brings it in, right. – Can we keep going through this case study here. So, you meet this guy. – Mm-hmm. – You had to walk up to him at the party he was throwing. – Yeah. – And you’re like, I think you’re the guy from the photo. – Yes. – I’m gonna have an opening salvo, which cannot not be awkward in some way. – No, it’s definitely awkward. – Especially if you’d never had a phone conversation with the guy. You just had text. – Yeah. – Also, I’m an incredibly awkward person, so it’s gonna be uncomfortable when I meet someone off of one of these apps. – And how did it go, what do you remember about it? – I remember it being very fun, actually. That was a good experience. I haven’t had particularly bad experiences, to be honest. I guess because I am particular about who I would like to actually meet, but it was fine. – So, how are you evaluating the profile, though? Like, how do you make this decision, because it’s gonna say, okay, he’s cute. Okay, check that box. – I actually don’t. I don’t know. I don’t trust particularly attractive people. So, in general, I– – Oh. – Okay. – I think. That is less important to me than if you have something– – What is your standard? – What do you mean? – Well, not standard. What is your– – What’s your threshold? – What’s your criteria? Oh, you wanna know how ugly do they have to be? (laughing) – Yeah, like, when is somebody too attractive? And then, when is somebody not attractive enough for you? What’s your Goldilocks area? – If somebody’s in better shape than I am. That’s probably a no. – Oh, really? – So, like if there’s like a abs photo or somethin’? – Yeah. – You don’t wanna see visible abs on a man. – I don’t – particularly like visible abs anyways, so. I’m a weird case, you probably shouldn’t, I’m not gonna be most 20-somethings. – You like a little Pillsbury Doughboy. – I do, I do. I like a little bit of, I like, you know. I like some meat on the bones. Some sort of a burly, like a nice average looking nice person. Look nice, you know. (laughing) – There’s a GIF of him goin’ like this on his profile. – You know what, if there were, that’d be great. – Pulling up his stomach and just let it shake just a little bit. – A little, not like a lot. – Hold on, is just pictures, or there GIFs? – No, just pictures, yeah. – Just pictures. – But now, I wish there were GIFs. – I think now, you can, in the messaging aspect of it, you can send GIFs. – Yeah, you can. – Right? – I remember you can, ’cause– – You see how we got everybody to say GIFs there? – Yeah. – I could have just as easily gotten everybody to say GIFs. – I think I would have said GIFs. – You would have? – Yeah, me too. – Oh, wow. You’re in my people. – But, I don’t know. – The man told me to say GIFs, so I’m going to. (laughing) – Well, give me a… So, if it wasn’t that, but give me a a case-in-point. Give me a case study from your experience. Good or bad, you know? – With? – Anyone. – So, I went on this one date. I used OkCupid, and this was before I was in that relationship, and she seemed pretty cool, we were chatting for a little bit, and I went out with her. We went on a date, and one thing I should have done is, and it doesn’t seem that important, but it kind of is, height. Everybody posts there height on there. And this girl, she was like, 4’9″, I think. – I mean, my wife is short. – But that was – a deal-breaker for you? – Yeah. – She’s not 4’9″. – 5’3″. – Ultimately. – It wasn’t the deal-breaker, but it was like, okay, I don’t this is gonna work. And you know, I was nice to her. I continued the date. We were out for like an hour and half, had dinner, and then that was it. If her personality was like, up here. If her personality was taller than her, then I would have gone on another date, but it’s just, we just weren’t meshing. – Did you have some bad ones? Awkward or fizzle out? I mean just like, okay, we have one and that’s it, I’m bailing. – Definitely, there were ones that were like that. Oh, I went to a comedy show with a guy. That was a first date, and that was weird, because when I got, he came to pick me up, and when I got in the car with him. If my parents ever listen to this, they’re gonna be so mad I got in the car with someone I don’t know, but we had a mutual friend, and I like, spoken with them about him and everything. – Just in case your parents are listening. – Just in case. Mom, she doesn’t know what a podcast is, it’s fine. (laughing) – But, his friend was in the car with him, and I immediately struck up more of a conversation with the friend than I did with this guy. – Were you both in the backseat or something? – No, I was in the backseat by myself, and the friend was in the front, and it was weird, and this guy was super awkward, which is why he brought the friend, I think. – Will you come with me, I gotta meet a girl. – But, I ended up making friends with the friend, and I think it made this guy mad. – Ooh. – And so, it was really weird. That’s the only one that was bad. He got really quiet. – Yeah, don’t bring a friend on date. – Yeah, wouldn’t talk to me. – I did break up. I dated someone for, I dated, I think, two people relatively seriously off of the apps. Like, two to four months. But, one of them. The breakup was way easier than any breakup I’ve had that wasn’t from online dating. – Why is that? – I don’t know, maybe it’s ’cause there’s an expectation that it won’t work. – Can you breakup through the app? Is that a function? – No, I called him, I was like, I’m gonna do this in person. – You can unmatch. – You can unmatch, but I mean, we’d been dating. We had each others phone numbers and everything. I met him at a bar, and I was like, I was so prepared. I was gonna have my speech, and it’s just like, I’m so busy and I just don’t have time, and you’re so nice and everything. – Well, what’s the real reason? I mean, going into it. – Oh, I didn’t like him. – You didn’t like him. – Of course. – But he– – He annoyed me, a lot. – But, he really liked you? – No, that’s the funny part of this breakup, is that when I said that, I thought he was gonna be like, bummed. – You gave your whole speech. What was this speech like? – I was like, I’m so sorry. I really like you, and it’s just that I’m so busy. – You do know that’s never true, right? – Yes, 100%, not true at all. – If that has ever been said to you, that has never been true. – No, ’cause if you really like someone, you don’t breakup with them. – Yeah, right. – That’s a good point. – I’m just not ready for this. – Yeah, I did say that. – Any excuse that is about the person just means they don’t like you, ultimately. That’s what that really means. – But you said, “I really like you, but”. – Okay, so yes, I fibbed a little. – You’re a great person. Which may have been true. – I think he is a good guy, but I went through my whole speech and he was just like, “Okay.”, and I was like, “Oh.”, and then we ended up having a drink and laughing about how easy it was, and he was like, “Yeah, wow, “we really had nothing in common, did we?”, and I was like, “Not at all.”. – What a pleasant breakup. – It was great! – You had a rebound relationship with the guy you had just broken up with? – No, they had a rebound date. – Yeah, I had a great date. – Yeah. – A rebound dinner. – Yeah. – Oh, actually, I remember why I met him in person now. – Remember that time we broke up a few seconds ago? Boy, that was fun! A lot easier than we thought. – It was fun! – Remember that time when I said I liked you? I didn’t. By the end of it, were you like, so comfortable that you were like– – Maybe we should be together. – No, not at all. I remember now why I wanted to meet him in person, and it’s that I wanted my water bottle back that had been in his car. – He had a nice water bottle of yours? – Yeah, it was one of those gold ones, like a S’well. – Ooh, those are pricey. – Solid gold S’well? – No. – That’s like, $250 bucks. – That’s why I was like, I gotta do this. Not over the phone, but in person. – So, you were like, you texted him. You’re like, “Meet me for a date.”. – And also, can you bring my water bottle? – I’m so thirsty, make sure– – Hold on, you asked him to bring the water bottle before you told him what it was about? – Yeah, I just said, “Hey, let’s get a drink. “There’s something I wanna talk to you”, probably not. I probably just said, let’s get a drink at this bar, and can you bring my water bottle. – Because this is the last time we will ever speak. – I think I made him go back to his car for the water bottle, too, after I’d broken up with him. – Oh, and about the water bottle. – You should’ve been like, start the… You know, I got some something I really wanna tell you about, but first. – That’s a good, you know, it’s good. – It was fine, that was a pleasant breakup. – Wow. – You know what’s weird, I’ve been on these Muslim dating apps lately, right? – Oh. – Because, I’m 30 years old. I’m starting to think I should start looking like, serious. These apps are not local. So, the girls that you meet on these apps, there’s not enough Muslims in a concentrated area for it to be like that. So, they’re all national. They’re all around the US and in Canada. So, some of the girls that I match with, a lot of them are New York, DC. – Wow. – Yeah, just random places. – So, that’s really hard. ‘Cause basically, our relationship is through text, and every once in a while, we’ll talk on the phone or something like that. FaceTime or something, but it’s so weird. – But you haven’t matched with anybody in LA? – I have, but, and I’ve met up with one of them, but also, that kind of fizzled out, you know? – And so you are maintaining multiple text relationships at this point? – Yeah. – With people you’ve met on the app? – Yeah. Like three or four, but I don’t talk to them every day. It’s like, maybe I’ll send one or two messages a week or something. – Okay. I thought you were like, having actual textual relationships with people. I was like, I feel really bad for these people. – No, no, no. I couldn’t separate all of them. I’d start having one conversation with all of them. – Yeah. – But no, I couldn’t do that. – It would be efficient if it was a group text. – It would, yeah, everybody’s getting to notice. – It’s like The Bachelor. – That’s Big Love. Yeah, I don’t think you– – Well no, not if it’s just text. – It’s like The Bachelor. – Yeah, yeah. – Then you kick people out of the group chat. – Yeah. – Every week, you just kick somebody out. You’re not really working out. And then, you go and you have one-on-one chats and you’re like– – Can I steal you for a second, and then, you just go off and do your own chat. – And you use the rose emoji. – Mm! – Hold on, this should be an app. – Well, this is a cheap reality show, I’ll tell you that. Lot of screenshots. – No, no, the whole show is just the screen. You don’t even see the people. – Yeah, hey, this is something. – Hold on, this is a great idea. It’s not even an app. All the infrastructure has been built for us on phones. – Yeah. – This is just texting, and we just put a camera. We don’t even do a screen cap. We just put a camera onto a phone. – Chris Harrison still narrates, though. – Yeah. He has to. – He texts. – Is he Muslim? (laughing) – Chris Harrison, no. – That’s not a– – That’s not a requirement. – Oh, okay. – It’s not a requirement. But okay, so this is interesting. So, you say that you are doing this. Ultimately, you wanna have a long-term relationship, right? You’re thinking about settling down at some point, and you’re assuming that this woman is going to be a Muslim as well, right? – Yeah. – So, is this a thing where one of these chat, occasional chat relationships will… How is this gonna lead to something? Like, what’s the strategy? How is this bachelor game played? – Oh man, so… I honestly don’t know. I’m just kinda like. – Well, let’s figure out the strategy right now. – Let’s do this, yeah. So, basically. Usually, I start talking to one of these girls. We just message back and forth a little bit. – But that’s just small talk right? There’s no way. – I mean, the conversations become longer, you know? But then, it gets, I gotta respond to all five of these last messages. If you’re having a lengthy conversation. – Wait, one person is sending five messages at a time? – Yeah, like we start a conversation and then, one of the texts might be really long, and then, they’re responding to each one of those parts of the conversation through different texts. – Ooh, I would not be able to do this. – You got a bulleted list in your texts? – No, no. I’m a talkie guy, you know. When it comes to text. I don’t like to answer, I don’t like to give short answers, ’cause there’s personality in long answers. I want you to know what I’m thinking. I wanna justify my thoughts, whatever. And so, they respond to those, and I respond to those, and then, they… If it’s kind of not working out, if it’s kind of fizzling if we disagree on a lot of things, you’ll notice those texts will start to get shorter from both ends, and it’ll just kinda die out. – That’s how it dies out. That’s the dwindle, they call that. – Yeah, yeah. – So. – You’ve got like a swollen text message. – Yeah. – And then– – Your terminology is so questionable. – It works, though. – Well? (laughing) – But that doesn’t trigger a phone call? I mean, it’s like– – No phone calls yet? – No. A lot of people really are uncomfortable talking on the phone. – So, you have a picture or pictures of these ladies. – Their profile pictures. So like, the four, the three or four that they have. – Okay, if you’re having a good textual relationship with someone, do you then stalk them a little bit online, find their Facebook. – Oh, for sure, yeah. – Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. – And they’ve done the same with you, we assume. – Definitely, yeah. – Okay, so where’s this going? Is there one lady that is sort of setting herself apart? – Not right now. I mean, there was one. We were talking for a little while, and then, I legit got really busy. – See? – Don’t blame us. ‘Cause you started working here? Don’t throw us under the bus! – No, that’s totally legitimate if you’re not in a relationship yet. – Right, right, right. – I think that once you’re in a relationship, and then you start using the busy excuse, that’s when I say that it’s not valid. – No, I get that, yeah. – I was busy. – We were– – Busy coming up with excuses. – You would’ve made time for him, if you really liked him. – Yeah. – This girl and I, we were texting for a while through the app, and then we exchanged phone numbers, and then we started texting like regular text messages, and then after about a week, I gave her a call, and we started talking of the phone. We talked on the phone for like an hour. – Did you tell her I’m about to call you, or set up an appointment like a phone date? – Heads up, it’s coming. – No, I was just like. Is it cool if I call? And she’s like, “Sure.”. – How calculated was that? – It wasn’t very calculated. – You were just like, I’mma call her. I’m feeling it. – With her, it just felt really casual, you know? She seemed really just friendly and easy to talk to. So, I called, she answered, and we talked on the phone for like an hour, and then the next day, she FaceTimed me. – Now, the face is in play. – I’m a FaceTimer. I would much rather FaceTime anybody than talk on the phone. – That makes sense. – I mean especially in this situation where you haven’t really seen someone in motion yet, that’s great. – Yeah, ’cause a face in motion is very different than a static face. – Right. – Yeah. – Yeah. – And yeah, we FaceTimed, we would– – Can’t get a lot of the up-the-nose. You gotta really think about that. – You got to. – The shoulders gonna get tired, but you gotta really hold strong. – I realized through talking to her that I would much rather FaceTime on my MacBook than on my phone. – Oh, yeah. – Those angles? – Not good. – Yeah, you’re down here. Even up here, even straight, it just looks. It’s too close, too up close. – She think your whole face is a beard. – Yeah. – Yeah, but at least you have the beard. It’s not like eight chins that people can see. (laughing) – Yeah, that’s true. But none of you guys– – Like walking up a staircase of flesh just to get to see the mouth. – That’s FaceTiming with me. (laughing) – Okay, so you talk to her on the phone, and then how did that conversation go. Where did it go? Where’s this person at, how far away? – She is in Phoenix. – Okay. – That’s not bad. – It’s really not. It’s like a five-hour drive. – Yeah, you can hitchhike there. – I think you could take a Ultralight on like, one tank of gas. If you had one. Like a gyrocopter, even. – Yeah, you could take one of those bicycles that you peddle and it has a motor. It’s like a scooter, but you have to be on the side of the road. You could probably get there in a day with one of those. – They top at, what 10 miles an hour? – No, they can go like 25 on those. – Lots of options. Yeah, you can make that work. – I can use one of these hoverboards. Stop every couple hours to charge it. – That’s company property. – That’s the next step. – So, the first step was the text, second step was the phone call, and now is there gonna be another phone call? – Yeah, I mean we talked for like, a month. So it was, you know. We became friends. We were talking back and forth. We would ask each other for advice and tell each other how our day’s going. Talk about whatever, I’m having this thing, this problem or whatever. We were there, we were listening to each other. We would do it through FaceTime at this point, and then I started these classes, and then I started working this job. I didn’t know I was gonna have this job. I knew I was taking those classes, but this job kinda just came to me. – Well, it’s proabably a good time to tell you about our Phoenix office. (laughing) – The Phoenix branch. – Phoenix satellite office. – The Mythical branch. – You shoulda asked earlier. – It’s very dry there. It’s good for the allergies. You have allergies? – I don’t. – Okay, well then, wrong answer. (laughing) – What happened? – With her? – Yeah. – What do you mean what happened? Is he talking about something? – Well, it’s making me a little sad ’cause it seems like she was nice. – She was nice. – Seriously, what happened? – There’s absolutely nothing that happened that made us stop talking. I just got really busy, and then she got really busy. She’s a traveling photographer. – She sounds cool. – She’s really cool. And then yeah, now it’s been like three weeks since we’ve even sent a text to each other, and I don’t know how that happened. – Well, Los Angeles is very photogenic. Traveling photographer. – Yeah, but you know what? One thing that made me kinda mad was like, we were talking about oh, we should meet. One of us should visit the other, and I had just started taking this class, right? So, my schedule got really crazy at night, and I couldn’t miss the class or the rehearsals, so I asked her if I can fly her out here. – Ooh, on your dime? – Yeah, I mean, I would pay for it. – Wow, alright, that’s nice. – I’m a nice guy. – She said, “I would only visit if I had work in LA.”, and that kinda made me mad. Like, she didn’t wanna come here if she didn’t have a business reason to come here. – And that’s revealing. – Is she going to have a business reason. Is it likely to have business reason? – That’s not the right question to ask. – Well no, because I don’t know. I feel like, I’m just trying to see her side of this. I kinda feel like– – Well, I just wanna go on record and say, I’m sorry, man. – No, it’s okay. – We expected her to step up. – It is asking a lot to be like, the next step is you just come out and hang out with me on your dime. That’s like, maybe she’s not ready for that, ’cause that would be kinda saying something, right? – Actually, that’s true. – She doesn’t have to like, live with you. – Yeah, give us the female perspective on this. – I’m doubling back on my perspective, ’cause when you said that, I was like, oh, that’s a bummer, I thought she was cool, but you know what, I agree with that, because if someone is paying for me to come out, then in my head, potentially, there is some kind of expectation as to what, not that this is the case, but what is owed to them, how much fun it has to be, how entertaining you have to be. – I will say that there is a cultural difference with us. Like, she’s also Pakistani Muslim. – You don’t think that would be weird for her? ‘Cause I guess if she’s thinking I will come out if I’m working there, then maybe, in my head, if I were thinking that, it would be, I’m coming out there because it’s my dime and my job. – Well, you’re on equal footing, and then it’s not as pressurized. – Yeah, I think it’s the pressure, but you’re saying– – No, the pressure was not there. – I’m not saying it was there. I’m saying it might be perceived in some way. – Yeah, I mean in our culture, we don’t really have, we won’t get physical. That’s just how it is. – That’s true, and that is what I would be worried about. So, I mean, if that’s not on the table, then it’s not as big a deal. – Right, right. It’s definitely not, you know? I would be totally respectful. Even if I had these classes or whatever. If I was busy, I would tell her hey, this is my brother’s girlfriend or here’s some of my friends, you can hang out with them, you know? They can take you out, do whatever while I’m here, and then, maybe we can get a coffee tomorrow morning or dinner at night, you know? I wouldn’t wanna spend too much time with someone. – No. – And you’re saying that she probably understood that based on the conversation you had that you’re not gonna share with us, and you shouldn’t. But it does make me think, I mean, even in a broader context. You think about, okay, are these apps just designed for a hookup culture type situation? But, it does. – I don’t think so. – I’m gaining an appreciation for the opposite end of the spectrum, which is, it allows… It kind of allows you to gain clarity in terms of getting to know somebody, and I think you’ve both talked about… You talked to people in what I feel is like at an arm’s length away, which is through text, not even through a voice call, but it allows you to build more of a casual friendship to get to know a person. Even before you get the moving face scenario. You’ve just got pictures, profiles, whatever else you can find that’s not only being physically in the same place, but it’s just talking. – It’s almost like we’ve gone back in time in that way. It’s like it’s the civil war, and I’m promised to someone far away, and we’re writing letters or something. – Wow. – When you said that, this is actually worse. Maybe I’m sold on the voice call now, because I don’t think the text is a good indicator of what someone’s gonna be like when you meet them. – Definitely, you can’t tell personality through reading texts, you know? – Also, I’m a really horrible texter, so I probably shouldn’t do that. I should just be like, look, I’m bad at this, here’s my phone number. – Now that this is the norm, right? Is your expectation that the next serious relationship that you’re going to be in, is going to come from one of these apps? – No. – Or is more likely that you’re just gonna meet somebody through a friend at a party. – Yeah. – I mean, all of my, I’ve had three genuinely serious relationships that last more than a year, and none of them came from any of these apps. So, in my experience, no, but I mean, it could, you know? It would certainly be nice. I’ve always met people through mutual friends. – But you’re doing the, are you doing the app thing now? I think Tinder’s on your phone. You said you re-signed up for it to jog your memory about experiences you had. You signed up today for this conversation, but are you on any other app now? – Yeah, I’m on Bubble. – And what is your username? – For anyone listening. – This doesn’t work like that. – No, you can’t search. (laughing) – You have to just come across, let me just stumble across. – Bumble across. What’s Bumble? – Bumble is the one that’s like a Sadie Hawkins situation where you match with someone, and then the woman has to be the one to speak first, which I thought was a great idea, and now that I’m deeper into it, I’m like, I’m so bad at this, and I think I should not do it, because– – I completely understand the logic, right? And the first I heard about this, I was like, that is a great idea, because it kinda, it cuts out the– – Creepiness. – The creepy dude thing, right? – Only guys can be creepy? – Guys are much more creepy than women. That is a generalization that I’m willing to make and stand by as a man. – Yep. – And proud of it! – I think differently about this now, because guys, again, a generalization. Guys will take any attention from a woman as a signal that she wants me. She’s totally into me. So, when you reach out and you’re doing it casually, a lot of guys are just like, that’s it. She’s into me, because she reached out. She initiated with me. – Oh, so you’re saying it’s a bad thing, the concept of the app backfires. – I’m saying that the concept. – The concept might kinda fall back on itself. I don’t know, but in your experience, you said that you are bad at kinda staying on top of the app, or whatever. Have you initiated with a guy, and what did you say, and then, what happened? – I started out trying to be cute or funny or witty in someway. – Like what? – What’s your opening? – Oh no. – Can you pull up a history. – Alright. (laughing) – I was interested in that. Are you trying to be funny in your initial– – Well, I’ve stopped trying to be funny. – Let’s hear some Lizzie opening lines. – No, they’re not good. – Actual opening lines from Lizzie. – Okay, they all relate to things in their profile. That’s what I was trying to do, is like, pick something in their profile and like, make a joke about it. – Oh, you like dogs, huh? – Oh, you like dogs, huh? – Alright, this is embarrassing. This is why I shouldn’t be on the, okay. So, this gentleman, in his info, he says I love comedy, good music, and stiff drinks, Michael Keaton is Batman, now that sold me. – Ooh, that’s, this is quality. This guy is– – He’s also Ray Kroc. – What’s his username? (laughing) – Actually, now that I’m looking at it, it’s spelled in a weird way, but I won’t read it, and my opening line, are you ready? This is why I should just say how’s it going. I said Michael Keaton most definitely is Batman, but who’s your Joker? Also, hi! – That’s good, though. – That’s like my best one. – Because then, if he says Heath Ledger, which is obviously the right answer. – He did say Heath Ledge. – Then, you have two data points about this guy, and you know that much more. – Keep going, then what? – Okay, well, more information was revealed, and he– – Just read it all. – No, there’s a lot. – Read every minute of it. – Link, I can’t. – Come on! – Here’s the good part. – Hold on, why can’t you? – Privacy, man. – It’s genuinely long. He works in– – It’s pretty long, I can see it. – Read it, read it over her shoulder. – Here, hold on. We talked about our worst first jobs. Like our worst sort of bad day jobs, and as you guys know, I worked on a chicken frying truck. – How do you get to that, though? – I mean, it’s not that I want you to read– – Wait, you left that job for this? – No, (laughing) but I was on a chicken fryer. – How do you start talking about, I worked at a frying chicken, I like Batman and Joker, and I like fried chicken. – Because I asked him about dog in a picture that he had, and I asked if it’s his dog. He said, “No, it’s our work’s shop dog”, and I’m an idiot, so I thought, oh, what kind of shop do you work in? And I was like, “Oh no, you didn’t mean actual shop “did you?”, and he was like, “No, a prop house.”. Then we got talking about jobs, oh no, now I’ve opened Twitter somehow. – Now you’ve tweeted your conversation. – Did you read some of your recent tweets? – I was really hoping that dog’s name was Chicken Fried. – No, his name wasn’t. – Hey, I worked at a chicken fry truck. – But, he said that he– – That seems good, Lizzie! – You know what, guys, I stopped talking to him, but now I think I need to talk to him again. – Hold on, this just ended? – No, it didn’t end, I just, I haven’t responded. Oh, that’s rude, I should respond. – What was his last thing? – Hold on, I gotta tell you this, ’cause it’s good. – When was his last thing? – Hold on! He says he’s a certified HoneyBaked Ham master glazer. – What? – Okay, alright, alright. – How many of those – in the world are there? There can’t be more than a dozen. – That is not appropriate. – What? I don’t know when he said this. – Did you ask him if that was a euphemism for anything? – No, ’cause I don’t wanna lead on. – You don’t wanna do that. – Here’s the thing, I’m bad at recognizing– – Don’t put the phone away. – Okay, you want worse ones, what do you want? – I want, yeah, I’d like another. – That one was good. – This is fascinating. – I gotta respond to him, maybe. – What’s the last thing he said, and let’s come up with a response. – Can he give a discount on a HoneyBaked Ham? – I don’t think he works there anymore, but I can ask. – That’s why she didn’t respond. – Where is it ended? – It ended, we got talking about food, and I think I was sounding like kind of a jerk talking about Thai food, but whatever. – Wait, what was your line that made you sound like a jerk? – I like Thai food. Bet you can’t honey bake that! (laughing) – We got talking about restaurants in my neighborhood, which I will not reveal. – Smart. There are guys listening to this. – I know. And I mentioned a restaurant, a very good Thai restaurant, and I tried to sound like I knew what I was talking about, which is always a mistake, and I said, “Some of the best Thai food ever. “Legend has it the Thai ambassador goes there “when he’s in town.”, which I think just sounds, I just sound like a jerk, but whatever. – What was that voice? – That’s how he reads my texts, I can tell. That’s how they come across. – At that point, you could have been like, you wanna meet me there? – Yeah, I didn’t do do that, though, ’cause I’m real bad at this. This is why I should talk on the phone. I said “I’m in a Korean barbecue phase.”, and he said, “Nice, yeah. “I had a sushi phase for a bit, then Thai. “Started attempting meal prep meals this week.”, and then I didn’t say anything. – That’s it? How many days ago was that? – I don’t know, I can’t tell the time. Let me see. – Okay, so I guess I just don’t, what is the point? – Yesterday. – What is the point now, though? – Yesterday? – Yeah, you still got a chance. – What is gonna happen? What might this conversation need to get to in order for you to say let’s meet? – A natural flow. If it seems like we’re able to, which we were doing for a little bit. – Oh really, but the stuff about the HoneyBaked Ham, and then the different kinds of food. – That’s a lot to ask of a text conversation. – He’s doing a good job, I’m doing a bad job. If you guys can help me formulate a response, that would be helpful. – Hold on, let’s send something back right now. What’s the last thing he said? – Okay, he said, “Nice, yeah, I had a sushi phase for a bit, “then Thai, started attempting meal prep meals this week.”. – I think you gotta say, you don’t have to be in one phase at a time. You can enjoy all foods together. That’s what I’m thinking. – Let’s not turn this into a lecture. What’s your, is your objective– – How about a phase with me? (laughing) How about a Lizzie phase? Yeah, that’s bad, that’s bad. You gotta throw some things out there. – I’m gonna let you guys do this so you can see how hard this is. – Yeah, I think you should take her phone and respond. – Yeah, do whatever you want. – Oh gosh. – Yeah, let’s see easy it is for you. – I think you guys should go through profiles. – Hold on, this guy. – You can swipe if you want. – Swipe left, swipe right. – He spells his name weird. – That’s what I said. Do you wanna know how how to see his profile? – Yeah. – Okay. – I don’t wanna be swayed by anything except the conversation you’ve had with chicken fry. – Well, Rhett wants to look at pictures. – Oh, he’s cool. – Yeah. – Oh, this guy’s cool. – Right? – See, this is like, that’s what I’m looking for. – Is it? – This is the guy? – You’re interested. – Look at the way he looks at his dog. – That’s not his dog, that’s just the dog at the shop. – It’s Dottie the shop dog. – Okay. If this is the guy. – Hold on, he’s married. – Well, I think he’s in a wedding there. There’s someone between him and the bride. (laughing) – He’s been to a wedding, Lizzie. – Oh, you’re right, he’s out. – Yeah, he’s out. – Let him go. – Oh, he’s a professional baseball player. No, I think he just sits in baseball styles. – But, he looks like fun. Maybe that’s what I look for. I just want somebody that looks like fun. – He looks like a happy-go-lucky guy. He’s lettin’ his hair down, he has just a mustache. – And I’m very stressed out all the time, so I need someone who is happy-go-lucky, ’cause I can’t be with someone who’s also as stressed out as I am. – That’s good, write that. – Alright, how do you get back to the thing. – Link, what? – I’m not gonna write I’m horribly stressed out, are you happy-go-lucky? – I need more happy-go-lucky in my life. – Uh, alright. – Wait, we gotta decide somethin’, so let’s do it. – Okay. – Is the objective to move this off of text right now? We gotta take it to the next step. – I think it’s time. – Yeah, alright, alright. Let’s do it. – To go from text to phone. – So, what do I do? – Can I call you? (laughing) – Yeah, you know what, you tell me what to say. – This app is glitchy, here’s my number. – No, I think you guys, no, no, no, no, no. Hold on, hold on. Guys, I think she’s gotta get back into a text flow conversation, and then move into… You can’t go a day without saying anything and then say, hey, call me. ‘Cause that’s how he’s gonna hear it. Hey, call me! (laughing) – Like an emergency. – I think you can transition. You could say something like, hey, I’m so sorry, I didn’t get on this app today, but if you wanna– – How’s your meal prep? Have you prepped that meal yet? – How’s that meal prep comin’? – Guys, I should just tell him I’m on a podcast right now, and I’m talking about you, can I call you? – Yo! Yo, you’re so smart! Do that, yes! – That’s a terrible idea, but I’ll do it. – Do it, do it. – I’m on a podcast right now, can I call you? Yeah, that’s a great idea for us. Let’s do it. You know what, let’s not make him a pawn in our entertainment scheme. – No, ’cause I actually kinda like him. – Let’s say what Saagar said, which is, wasn’t on the app. – Yeah, say sorry, I didn’t check– – Don’t say sorry. Don’t apologize for something you’re not sorry for, but the rest is good. – Yeah, I didn’t check the app all day, so I didn’t get the notification, but if you wanna keep talking, here’s my number. – Oh, that’s not what you said. – Hey, I’m bad at checking this app. – How’s the meal prep coming? – No, I didn’t say that, you guys said that. – You don’t wanna ask about meal prep, ’cause I’m genuinely interested. – Okay, okay, okay. My boss is genuinely interested in your meal prep. Okay, so I’ll just say, oh man. – Your thumbs getting sweaty? – Yeah, well my hands are always sweaty, perpetually clammy. Everyone watching should know that. – You sell yourself so short. If it says that stuff on your profile. – Sweaty hands? – You gotta get over this. – Perpetually clammy. – My profile, I think, is a quote from 30 Rock that doesn’t make any sense, and has no explanation. – Okay, that’s better. – Yeah. – Yeah, that’s good. – “It’s heavy as the head that eats the crayons”, and I don’t explain that, and I don’t intend to. – So, it’s your idea for us to keep eating crayons on the show? Is that what this. – I’m just gonna say, sorry I’m terrible about checking this app, how’s the meal prep going? – That’s it. – Yeah. – Then, you just get back into that flow, and then later, when you’re sitting there with your first child, you could be like, remember that time we were on Ear Biscuits and we started that conversation. – No, no, no. He won’t remember it. There’s something I gotta tell you. Just watch this podcast. – Hold on, hold on. Can we just say something right now? I know this is probably not gonna happen, but if you end up marrying this guy, can me and Link perform the wedding? – Yeah, you’re required to. – We will do like a dual, like a tag-team wedding thing. Yeah, it’ll be like– – Wait, what do you mean by perform the wedding? You mean like officiate it? – We will officiate it. – Oh, alright. – I was thinking more like interpretive dance. – That’s fine. – No, no, I will get, if you end up marrying this guy– – You’ll become a priest? – I will get ordained. You can ordained in that, what is the one that you can get ordained, like you can just fill out a certificate? – Online somewhere. – Yeah. – I’ll do that, and I’ll do the wedding. You gotta be there too, though. Tag-team. – Oh, I’m gonna be there. – Alright, I did it, I sent that message. Now we’ll see. – This is so exciting. – How exciting would it be if responded right now. – Guys, I’m never gonna hear from him again. – You don’t think so? – No. – I think so. – I don’t know. – Let’s just wait. Put it out here. – He looks like the kind of guy that would respond. – Will it pop up if he– – He looks nice. – Yeah, it’ll have a notification. – Well, we’ll have to check back in with you guys to see how this is going, some time in the future. To see if you’ve married dog man. (laughing) If Phoenix lady has come and taken pictures of you posing in front of things in Los Angeles. – Yeah. – Is she a portrait person? – Yeah, she does portraits and weddings. She kinda does it all. – Hold, she does their wedding. – She’s the photographer. – Hold on, if you get married. – Connections being made. – You have to bring her to the wedding, she takes all the pictures, and we do the officiating. – Yeah. – That’ll be like the coolest thing ever. – Now my hands are the sweatiest they’ve ever been. (laughing) – I’ve learned so much, thank you guys. – Sure. – Thanks for having us. – It was fun. – It was fun. – Well, yeah, oh, yeah. – Oh, hey, hey, hey. – That’s how your dad gets off the phone. (laughing) (funky music) Well there it was, I think we’ve started, potentially, at least one relationship. We promised to officiate a wedding, tag-team officiate a wedding, and Saagar’s future wife is gonna take photographs of it. This is, I mean, this is not the kind of thing that just happens. – Well, unless it doesn’t happen, and then we may have ended something. We may have truncated something. We may have altered the future of a relationship that would’ve been amazing. – Well, no. We definitely did alter the future of a relationship. Here’s the thing. This is how, no, no, no. I’m not saying we’re like all powerful or anything. – If they weren’t gonna talk, then they’re still not gonna talk. – Every single choice that you make in life has, it’s called the butterfly effect. Ashton Kutcher knows all about it. You do one little thing, and then it affects. So, by bringing them onto the podcast and discussing relationships, even if we hadn’t had gotten to that last part. Just by bringing two single people into an atmosphere and them to discuss their relationships, which makes them, just think about their relationships differently. We altered, intentionally or unintentionally, we altered the course of their lives, and they altered the course of our lives. – And that’s wrong, and we shouldn’t have done it. – We altered the course – of their lives and more, because we’re already in relationships, and we were talking about relationships, and we’re not talking about being married for a long time, we’re talking about dating. – All they did for us is satisfy some weird curiosity we had. But we have altered their very lives. – That’s a real moral question right there. Are we guilty of something now? – Yeah. – I mean, could we be in some future court of law in which they evaluate your intentions, and the outcomes and causes and effects, and they probably have the ability to reach back in time to this moment and evaluate this podcast. Are we gonna be watching this 50 years from now in some future court, and they’re like, you ruined their lives. – Well, I’m goin’ on record. – You’re going to jail now. – I’m saying, I said we shouldn’t have done it. I didn’t have anything to do with it. I didn’t want to read any of the conversations on her private device. I didn’t want to have anything to, I didn’t want her to read it. – Well, that’s a good defense, but future judge and jury, if you’re watching this in the year 2084 or whatever it is. Sincerely, we had no intention of derailing Lizzie’s life or Saagar’s life. It wasn’t about that, it was just about a little bit of something that we thought was entertaining and interesting that we thought that the people who listen to this podcast in the year 2017 and beyond would enjoy. I really think you gotta take into account our intentions here, and the fact that we didn’t really know what we were getting ourselves into. So please, have mercy, may the court have mercy on our souls. And for you present day Ear Biscuiteers. – Hope that works. – Leave a comment on this YouTube video, or this SoundCloud stream, or as an iTunes review. All of those things are valuable to us, and of course, we’ll be back next Monday first thing with another Ear Biscuit. Yes, and if you’re enjoying this on the This is Mythical YouTube channel and you haven’t subscribed yet, do us a solid. Subscribe. – [Link] To watch more Ear Biscuits, click the video on the left. – [Rhett] To watch more from This is Mythical, click the video on the right. – [Link] And don’t forget to subscribe by clicking the circular icon. – [Rhett] Thanks for being your mythical best.