I’m willing to bet that my morning routine is unlike anyone else’s on Earth. Hi. I’m Specialist Hope from Fort Campbell, Kentucky. Let’s talk about that. ♪ (theme music) ♪ – Good Mythical Morning! – This first ever inaugural episode of Good Mythical Morning is brought to you by Orabrush. If you don’t know if your breath stinks, it probably does. And it probably comes from a dirty tongue, because 90% of all bad breath comes from – a dirty tongue. – Go to CVS, Walmart, or Orabrush.com and get yourself one or a whole set, people. You know, this is it, Link. It’s beginning. Usually you say “This is it” when something is ending. So that kind of threw me right from the beginning. Because this is the beginning. This is the beginning of something beautiful. Hopefully something special in your life. You know, whenever I’m beginning something new… And you’re talking about this show, right? I just wanna clarify. – Yeah, the show. – You’re talking about the show. – Yeah. – Okay. Like our relationship? I didn’t know if you were about to blindside me with something. You’ve been my best friend since 1984. I didn’t think I had to define that. This is it, Link, it’s over. Our friendship is over. I dread that day, Rhett. When that happens. Whenever I’m starting something new, I usually wear a v-neck on that day. – With a hoodie over it. – It centers me emotionally. We’re glad that you joined us. Thanks for watching. We want this to be something, like Rhett said, special. We want it to be mythical. We want this to be part of your daily routine. We want it to be part of your morning routine, or… we already recognize that some people are gonna be watching this thing– perhaps you– at a time that is not actually in the morning. But it’s always a mythical morning somewhere. That could be a slogan or something on a cereal box. We should make a T-shirt that says that. Whenever you watch the show, that’s when your mythical morning happens. – Like a new beginning! – You know, we had a show last year called Good Morning Chia Lincoln. This is a little bit like that show. It’s not about anything in particular. We’re not gonna be talking about the sad, dreary news stories. We’re not gonna be talking about celebrity news and who’s getting divorced and who’s getting married and Justin Bieber. – Really? We can’t talk about Justin– – We cannot talk about Justin Beiber. That is the first rule of Good Mythical Morning. I just came up with it. – I was hoping there wouldn’t be any rules. – Okay. – No rules! – No rules, except we can’t talk about Justin Bieber. This is a bright spot in your day. You know, we had people write in about Good Morning Chia Lincoln. They said, “You know, I watch it every morning when I’m eating breakfast.” “I watch it when I get home from school.” “I watch it right before I go to bed.” “I’m a security guard!” This is how security guards talk. – “I’m a security guard–” – (gruffly) And they stand like this! – Because they’re securing things! – If you’ve ever noticed when security guards speak, they put their fists on their hips. (gruffly) I’m securing my belt to my hands. (emphatically) I’m a security guard and I watch Good Mythical Morning while I’m securing this building here. See, you could watch it anywhere. It’s always a Mythical Morning wherever it is for you. Just make it a part of your day. We’ll release it at 6 AM Eastern time every weekday morning, so that you can count on it. You can count on us, people. We want to be here for you, but we need you to also be here for us. We’re also counting on you. There’s a reciprocation happening here, Rhett. Whoa. That’s the word of the day. That’s another rule. Rule number two: We have a– No, we don’t have a word of the day. That’s a stupid rule. And it’s definitely not “Justin Bieber.” Let’s think about it, though. Maybe that could happen. I will say, if we could get Justin Bieber to be a guest on this show, I will begin to talk about him. For not wanting to talk about him, you certainly have already… – I violated my own rule, twice! – Right, right. That’s not good. I won’t say it again. Okay, so, in the interest of wanting you to adopt Good Mythical Morning, the show that we are now doing, as part of your daily routine, we thought maybe a good topic for the first conversation would be morning routines. – Everybody’s got one, right Link? – I certainly do. I am a big fan of routines. I’m a big fan of structure, you know? – I’ve got an engineering degree. – Really? I thrived in an environment where I could just… you know, there would be order to my life and it all starts right when I roll out of bed. – So I wanna share my daily routine, – Okay. then maybe you can share your inevitably inferior routine, and then maybe in the comments you guys can also share your morning routine. If I knew Justin Bieber’s morning routine, I’d share that. Aw, no, I wouldn’t share it, dag gummit! Because there’s a rule that you just created. Gosh. Proceed, please. Just… it’s a good rule. Just follow it. Okay. I won’t do it again. – I’m a man of principle. – Mmhmm. – I like to get up. I like to have coffee. – Oh! – I’m not gonna apologize for it. – Don’t. – Don’t berate me– – I’m not. – for liking coffee. – I think it’s a great thing. It’s not an addiction. I don’t have to have it. I just really want to have it. Well, you’re not being defensive about it. – But I don’t have to have it. – Right. – C’mon, just give me a break, people! – Back off, people! So what if I set my coffeemaker to brew the coffee 30 minutes before I get up so it will be at the optimal brew temperature when I roll out of bed? Now, that’s going too far. That’s… So I roll out of bed. I get my coffee. I drink my coffee. – Yep. – And then my mind, as the coffee goes – down into my entrails… – Hm. it’s as if life wells up from within the entrails. So coffee is a big part of your morning routine. Is that what you’re saying? – And my entrails. – Okay. – Waking them up. – What else happens? – Then I go to the bathroom– – Ooh. and I turn on the hot water. Okay. You mean you don’t go to the bathroom, you go TO the bathroom. – (giggles) Yeah. – You enter the bathroom. – Yeah, I enter the room… – I drink coffee and then I relieve myself. – (laughs) No… – In the kitchen. No, I go to the room in my house that is a bathroom, – To the facility. – And I turn on the hot water. – I turn it on all the way hot, okay. – What do they call it in France? The lay? – The loo! – The loo. – I go to the loo. – Go to the loo. Turn the water all the way to hot, because you know how it is, the water will come out and it’ll be cold for a long time. – Yeah, that sucks. – So what I do is: I turn on the water all the way to hot, which makes it get hot the quickest amount possible. It doesn’t dilute any lukewarm water with totally cold water. – Wow. – And then I brush my teeth. – Uh huh. With hot water? – No. With cold water from the sink. – But you’re letting it get warm. – But I turn the hot water on in the tub. That’s what I forgot to tell you. (laughs) I turn the hot water on in the tub– – Should I be writing this down? – Yes. Write this down. Then, in the sink, I turn on the cold water so as not to divert any hot water from the tub where I’m gonna use it in a moment. While that water’s getting hot, I’m brushing my teeth with cold water. The amount of time it takes for me to brush my teeth is the amount of time it takes for the water to get to the optimal temperature for me to then bathe, – or at least head-bathe. – Okay. You are insane. Clinically insane, and you have a disorder called “Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.” It’s a disorder, it’s not an asset. It’s called “being thoughtful and being principled.” Let me tell you about my morning routine. I didn’t even finish. Allow me to at least say this, Rhett. – Okay. – Then I take a bath, well, I take a shower. Or I just take a head shower, depending on if I’m gonna shave. – A head shower? – I just put my head under the spigot – and I don’t wash the rest of my body. – I’m gonna call a professional about this. Every other day I shower, and every other day I shave. I can’t do both because I don’t have enough time. My time is too valuable. You know what? Write the rest of what you do in the description. – ‘Cause mine’s real simple. – I put on my clothes. I don’t do the same thing in any two days. – I eat breakfast if I have time. – I’ve never repeated the same thing. I don’t even know what I did this morning. I will tell you, – the first thing I do when I wake up– – Hold the press! Stop the story. I knew that you wouldn’t have thought about it much, but you’re sitting here all but bragging that you thought about it zero! Well let me tell you what happened this morning. Because the first thing that I do when I wake up is I attempt to remember my dream. That’s the number one thing. And this morning when I woke up, I was dreaming that I was a tambourine player in a funk band from the seventies. – Did you have an afro? – I was the only white person in the band and they were all waiting for me to screw up. Which is easy to do with a tambourine. chicka-chicka-chicka You did say “tambourine,” right? Yeah, they were like, “the white dude is gonna get off. I know it’s gonna happen.” And then, then next thing I do is… It’s never the same, but this morning it was shower, eat… then I realized I hadn’t brushed my teeth. Sometimes I brush my teeth before I eat, sometimes I brush my teeth after I eat. So every day you have to analyze whether you’ve missed something that’s important. I just like a checklist. And then I came out here to the studio and you showed up. I pity you, man. I pity you, man. Except for the dream. I would love to see someone do a drawing of that dream – and post it on the RhettandLinKommunity. – Yeah. Because I wanna see you– just in drawing form– playing a tambourine with an afro. – Okay. – Never in real life. We have something special for you. Link’s gonna break it out for us real quick. (Link, strained) Oh gosh! It’s a wheel. Comment below with your morning routine. But we have something new. Something that is gonna be a part of every Good Mythical Morning episode, and that is the Wheel of Mythicality. And that is a way for us to know how we’re going to end a given episode. We’ve got 24 spots up here. We filled them in, and we want you to begin filling them in – with how you want us to end the show. – I don’t know what it is about this wheel, – but when I touch it I wanna do this. – You wanna bob your head. Yeah. I’ll play the tambourine that I played in my dream. – chicka-chicka-chicka – Shall I spin this wheel? It’s gonna land on something. We don’t know what it is but we’re gonna do whatever it is that it lands on to close out the episode, and that is– – And you said they could suggest things? – (Rhett) Rhett impersonate Link. So they can tweet us or Facebook us in order to suggest things to replace this and add new things to the wheel. (nerdy voice) When I wake up in the morning, I have to make sure that the water is at an optimal temperature in order to brush my teeth. – Sometimes I just take a head shower. – (laughs) Sometimes I just put my foot underneath the current of water, which is approximately.. – (laughs) – 82 degrees Fahrenheit. Tell the people goodbye and we’ll see them tomorrow, Link. And while I’m doing that, I’m thinking about you people and the fact that you watch this show, Good Mythical Morning, and we would really like you to continue watching this show, tomorrow especially. And I will be washing my knee at – 3 o’clock today. – (both laugh) See you tomorrow. [Captioned by Caitrin: GMM Captioning Team]