Today we give some electrifying performances. – Let’s talk about that. (groovy theme music) – Good mythical morning. – Acting is a fine art with a long and rich tradition. And today we are going to honor that tradition by acting out some scripts we’ve never seen before while wearing shock collars. – Yes, because the show must go on even if you’re being constantly shocked at times you don’t know while reading scripts that you don’t know. I gotta say don’t try this at home, right off the bat. It’s a bad idea for you. – That’s why we’re doing it. – All mythical beasts should be trained with positive reinforcement only, but not us, it’s time for Shock Collar Theater. – Okay, for each scene that we’re gonna be acting out, we have no idea what we’re going to be saying or doing, but we will see that on cue cards that we will be reading, and we will hear stage direction offscreen from Stevie, are you ready? – Put these on, – Yes. – and do it, yeah? (horn fanfare with electrical sounds) Okay we’re ready, enough. – [Stevie] Okay, here we go. Interior, hospital room, Link, the patient, lies on the bed, Rhett, the doctor, is sitting next to the bed wearing a lab coat and holding a clipboard. – Mr. Neal, we have the results to your tests. – We talking, or we racing? – We’re talking, do you have anyone around here with you? – I don’t have friends. Yah, have family. – Okay, unfortunately the brain damage is extremely serious, when you tripped over loose Bunch a Crunch on your way, agh, to an 11 a.m. showing of Bridget Jones’ Baby, 202 amass, you hurdled into a mass of Fast and Furious 8: The Fate of the Furious poster. It was the last thing you saw before slipping into the coma, nn-yah, and since you woke up, you are only able to communicate in direct quotes from the entire Fast and Furious franchi-ise eh. – It don’t matter if you win by an inch or a mile, winning’s winning. – After running other tests the damage to your frontal cortex will require a painful nnyah-and expensive surgery and it may or may not work. – Money will come and go, we all-ll know that-tt. The most important thing in life will always be the people in this room, oh. – Okay, it’s just us right now, but sure. – If you have to, overnight the parts from Japan, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. – So unfortunately we’ll be bringing in your family to talk next steps, I don’t wanna, nnn-unh, I don’t want to give up on you, nn, guh, guh. – [Stevie] Link struggles to sit up out of his hospital bed, shakingly at first, then with strength, he leans in toward Rhett. He leans in toward Rhett, too close for comfort, or not close enough? Without warning, he rips off Rhett’s sleeve. – I live my life a quarter mile at a time, you do too, that’s why we’re brothers. No matter where you are in this world, whether it’s a quarter mile away or halfwaa-ay around the world, we’ll always be family, you’ll all- always be my brother. – [Stevie] Rhett looks at Link, tears forming in his eyes. He waits an emotional beat, before asking – Oh gosh. Ride or die, nyuhhhuhhh. – [Stevie] Link cries. – Die. – [Stevie] Link dies. – Stop, stop it. – Stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it. – Cut. – [Stevie] And scene. (crew applauds) (horn fanfare with electrical sounds) – Okay, this time, let’s really try, commit to the story, it’s like we don’t even have shock collars on. – Not even being shocked, even though we are being shocked. Okay. – [Stevie] Interior, Costco. There is a cheese tray, center stage, it has a single cheese sample on it. Link and Rhett both enter on opposite sides, full of toothpicks in their pockets. – Okay, I could have put those in there myself, but okay. – [Stevie] Link takes one big cowboy step forward, puts his hands on his hips, and speaks. – Well, lookee here, it’s none other than the dishonorable Jedediah Spit-Em-Up Jarthur Jones. – [Stevie] Rhett takes one big cowboy step forward, face completely emotionless, and speaks in a drawl/growl. A cowboy hat appears on his head, it indicates he’s not there to play. – Good to see you too, Sheriff Biction Butter. – [Stevie] A sheriff-y looking cowboy hat appears on Link’s head, he inhales aggressively, and exhales aggressively, emanating the power of the law. – Looks like this here is the last cheese sample. – Loo-oooks to be so. – Now I’ve been tracking this pepper jack by foot since I caught a whiff on the banks of the oversized television aisles, and this here cheese, uh is mine. – [Stevie] Link places a hand dangerously on his toothpick pocket, Rhett is completely still. – Are you suggesting I giii-ddy up my outlaw butt out of here with no cheese to speak of? – I think that’d be a mighty fine idea. – [Stevie] Link and Rhett stare each other down, extremely gruff and tough. – I think you know neither of us is getting out of here without a quick piiiick, quick pick draw for the cheese. – You said it partner. – [Stevie] They both draw their toothpicks and go for the cheese in slow motion. Their arms are moving so super slowly, and then they move fast, and then time slows down again, where finally Link pokes his toothpick in the cheese, but Rhett doesn’t, Rhett puts his toothpick straight into Link’s heart. Link flails pridefully to the ground. – Oh gosh, to the ground? – [Stevie] To the ground. – Don’t mess with Jedediah Spit-Em-Up Jarthur Jones. – [Stevie] He pops the cheese sample in his mouth. – It’s big. – [Stevie] And then he spits it out. – He’ll spit ya out. – [Stevie] Link dies again. (Link grunting) – Yeehaw, grrrnnuh. – [Stevie] Rhett winks into the camera and giddy-ups out of frame. And scene. (crew applauds) – Let me get this off. – Oh gosh. (horn fanfare with electrical sounds) – Okay, let’s do this again for some reason. – [Stevie] Okay, here we go. Interior, four-star Yelp restaurant, Link and Rhett sit across from each other on a date in a restaurant. – I’m having a really good time with you Peony. – I too am having a really good time with you Hogan. – [Stevie] Peony giggles flirtatiously, Hogan also giggles flirtatiously. – From your Stumble profile, I know you like tall guys and good vibes, I only have one question-in to see if you’re really the unique girl of my dreams. – [Stevie] Music starts, Hogan leans in and begins to sing. – Do you like music? – [Stevie] Peony leans in and sings in response. – If I’m honest, I actually do. – She-hee likes music, we fit like a shoooooooee. – I listen to everything but there’s one gap. – [Stevie] They harmonize. – [Together] I don’t like country or rap. – [Stevie] Both lean out, flustered but very much in love, the music stops and they speak again. – Wow, I’ve never met a girl who liked music before. – Me neither, I also have a question to ask you. – [Stevie] The music starts and Peony sings again. – Do you have a sense of humor? – Well my friends think I’m funny, that’s the rumor. – [Stevie] Hogan reaches out a hand to caress Peony’s face, but at the last second, does the got your nose trick. Music stops, and they speak again. – I got your nose, too. – I have one last question to ask you Peony. – [Stevie] Hogan sings again, music starts. – Do you like dooooooogs? – Well I like dogs in theory, but I have a severe allergic reaction to any dog and it makes my throat painfully swell, and oh god, I feel it happening right now, as well. – [Stevie] Hogan responds, one key higher than Link, than Peony. – Oooops, I brought my pup. – [Stevie] Hogan reveals a real live dog, Peony gasps for breath, still singing, another key higher. – Where’s my EpiPen, my throat is closing up. – [Stevie] Hogan panicked, still singing, another key up. – I think my dog chewed it up. – [Stevie] Peony collapses on the table, and dies. Hogan looks at the camera and shrugs. – I’m just trying to shrug. – Oh, was I supposed to shrug. – I said, – I shrugged. – Must love dogs, yeauh. – [Stevie] And scene. (crew applauds) – That was really, not fun. – Quit it. Thanks for liking, commenting, and subscribing. – You know what time it is. – Hi, my name is Xenu, I’m from Mexico, and it’s time to spin the Wheel of Mythicality. – Nothing’s better than a cold beverage after you’ve been shocked repeatedly with a shock collar, and what better way to enjoy a beverage than than in the good mythical mug, available at RhettandLink.com/store. – Store, click through to Good Mythical More, we’re gonna play Catchphrase with the crew, shock version. – Gifticality, that means we’re gonna give $1,000 to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention to help them in their mission to save lives and bring hope to those affected by suicide. – Join us in giving at afsp.org. – Yes, thanks for being your mythical best. – Thank you. Click on the left to watch our show after the show, Good Mythical More. – [Rhett] Click on the right to watch another episode of Good Mythical Morning. – [Link] And click the circular channel icon to subscribe. – [Rhett] Thanks for being your mythical best.