Today we ask the age-old question. – Will it jerky? – Let’s talk about that. (cheerful music) (alarm clock ringing) (rattling) (sizzling) (plucking) (fire roaring) Good mythical morning! – There’s nothing. What happened to my throat? – Oh, there’s nothing. (Link laughing) – There’s nothing more satisfying than taking a slab of beef and sucking every last ounce of moisture out of it until it becomes a tough, dry, salty, wrinkled strip of meat just like your meemaw. (Rhett laughing) – Oh! Come on now! (Link chuckling) She– – Not your meemaw. Your meemaw. – Oh. A living memaw. I was thinking about my meemaw. – Yeah, yeah. – Anyway, today’s episode is not about my meemaw or your meemaw or anybody’s meemaw. It’s about jerky. One of the greatest gifts the snack gods have ever given us and maybe it’s so sacred that it should remain untouched. Or maybe not. It’s time for– – [Rhett and Link] Will it jerky? – Okay what we’ve done is we’ve put a lot of stuff in a dehydrator that has no business, question mark, inside a dehydrator and we put them in for various hours at 154, 154 degrees Fahrenheit or 68 degrees Celsius. – Yes. – To see if they can be jerkied. Let’s get to the first one, mmm! – Okay. – Lots to learn. – Now, you know I love a Big Mac from McDonald’s. So it naturally follows that– (vocalizing McDonald’s theme song) ♫ I’m dehydrating it Here it is, McJerky. – And so– – Check that logs out. – We’ve formed them into jerky logs. – Yeah, so this is basically a Big Mac that has been made into a mush. – Uh-huh. – A liquidy mush and then that liquidy mush was dehydrated for 24 hours. So one day in the dehydrator to make the McJerky. – So basically we could have just gone to our local McDonald’s and swept behind the booth. – I wouldn’t be as pure as this. This is pure Big Mac. There’s a little bit of flour in there so it would all hold together. – It smells like– – A Big Mac. – A Big Mac. Dink it. Bite it. That’s a cardboard consistency. I’m not getting any taste yet. Not yet. – Really? – Not yet. I’m rehydrating it in my mouth with my, my juices. – This is how astronauts enjoy Big Macs, man. – Oh, I just got it. – Uh-huh. – Now the first thing that hits me is the onions. Are the onions hitting you? – Here’s what hit me. – And the sauce. – Once it went all the way down, you could convince me that I just ate a Big Mac. You know what I’m saying? The process of eating it wasn’t fun but the process of having eaten it. – Right. – Is just like I had a Big Mac. – This is the most direct route to Big Mac breath. – Right. – Which is a great thing I think. – The fact that I feel a little bit satisfied like I just took a bite of a Big Mac makes me think that will it jerky? – [Rhett and Link] Yes! – Alright, this next one we’re gonna try is so good that sometimes if it’s left out in my kitchen for days and gets all hard, I’ll still eat it. So I have high hopes for mac and cheese. That’s right. Mac and jerky. And look at that. It looks like chicken fingers. – Chicken fingers with a little cheese on ’em. – Now all we’ve done is taken Velveeta mac and cheese, boiled and prepared it like normal, then diced it up and then add a little diced. – Ooh. That’s got a good flavor. – Cheese on top of it. – Smell to it. – Guys. – I forgot what the term for smell was. That’s got a good nose flavor. (Link laughing) – It really does. – Man, I can smell that all day. – It’s like a cheese finger, man. – I just put my nose all over it but you can still dink it with me. – I predict that this moment– – Will be memorable? – Is gonna be one that we’re gonna remember. It’s when our lives changed. – You’re building it up too much now. – On a culinary level. – You’re building it up too much. – I feel great about it. Dink it. – Okay. – And sink it. – Mmm. It’s a little warm. – Rubbery. There’s this, there’s a curdish squeegee happening. (crew laughing) Like cheese curd. – Curdish squeegee? – It’s the curdish squeegee. (Link moaning) I wanna punch myself. – That is– – This is so good. – Really really really top-notch, guys. That is really top-notch. That is really really good. – Oh my goodness, do you know what? – It’s better than mac and cheese. – I was right. This is better than anything! – Well you know– – The cheese is so concentrated. – It’s concentrated. That’s exactly what I was gonna say. – It’s like eating, it’s like if you poured the powder in your mouth and you formed it in there and just let it live there for a day and then you, then you ate it? – Not quite like that. – Oh my go– – But sometimes you take so many bites of mac and cheese just to get sastified. (crew laughing) This for me is just like, I had like a half a bowl of mac and cheese every bite. – And there’s still– – Half a bowl in every bite. We sell it, that’s the slogan. Will it jerky? – [Rhett and Link] Yes! – You ever seen a dead, dried-up snail on the sidewalk and thought, “I’d love to eat that.” Today’s your lucky day. Escargerky. (Link laughing) Yes. – Snails, huh? – We got snails. What we have done is taken four or five snails, blended them together per strip and then dehydrated them but not before adding some special ingredients to make it more like escargot. We’ve got butter and parsley and garlic rub mixed in with these because typically that’s what, that’s the only thing that makes escargot good, is the fact that you’ve got the butter and the garlic to go along with it. – But it still doesn’t mask the scent of just snail. – The snail gets through. Dehydrated for 15 hours. – Oh my goodness. – Could really be anything. – That is a dark jerky. – But it actually, like a dark camping trip. You could pass this off as beef jerky like, “Floyd! “Floyd! “More beef jerky.” And you give it to Darryl and Darryl eats it and Darryl kills you. (laughing) Darryl brought his .357 Magnum. We shouldn’t let that happen. – Oh goodness. Don’t do violence. – I’ve been on some rough camping trips. That’s what I’m saying. Okay, let’s dink it and sink it. It’s not bad Floyd. – It’s better than greasy snail. It still tastes very snaily though. It really tastes earthy. I feel like I’m eating like potting soil. – Well one of the great things about escargot. – With poop in it. – Is it goes down so quickly. – Mmm, not today. – You get the butter and the garlic and before you taste the snail like whoop, it slid down my throat. That’s not happening with this. This is really camping out. Speaking of camping– – In my mouth. – It’s like camping out in my mouth. – It’s just bad. It’s just not what– – Hmm. – It’s just not what it should be. – It didn’t make escargot better by jerkying it. I think that’s the real test. So will it jerky? – [Rhett and Link] No. – This next one’s for all our speciacal. – Speciacal. – Mythical beasts down under. – Yeah. – We got– – That was so speciacal to me. (laughing) – We got Vegemite in beef jerky form known as Jerkemite. There it is. – Look at that. – Oh gosh, that looks like a specimen if I’ve ever seen one. – It has, it also has a jerky look though. I don’t know if it’s got a jerky feel. – It’s shiny in like a, it looks like the outer casing of a, like an arachnid or something. – Now this is straight from the can, unsoiled Vegemite that is then just thrown into the dehydrator. – For 24 hours. – Oh, it is so thick. – Solid. – Oh man, I think, first of all Vegemite is already super concentrated. It is a concentrate already. – Right, so I’m immediately observing that it’s like it didn’t do anything to it. Dehydrating it I’m saying. – Yeah. – It just seems like it’s been logged and now we have to eat it. – It kind of looks like a turd you’d identify on a– – Well this scat. – Like a Boy Scout poster. – This is from the eastern diamondback fox. – That’s a big fox. – It’s got a, it’s got a big scat for a little fox. – Yeah. – Hence the diamonds on its back. – Yeah. – You know a big scat’s coming when those diamonds start pumping. (Link and crew laughing) – I don’t understand how the fox works. I’m seeing– – When the diamonds pump. – I’m picturing a fox with diamonds on its back, heaving and that big turd coming out. – Exactly. That’s when you get, get out of the way. – Alright, let’s eat this. – Dink it. It’s so chewy. – Oh! – It’s so salty! (Link retching) I can’t. – Good lord. – Oh gosh, you, you people who like Vegemite, don’t eat it like this. – I think I’d rather have a diamondback fox turd. (crew laughing) I’d stand there right when he was working one up. (crew laughing) Those diamonds start moving. I’m lightin’ up like a soft-serve at Dairy Queen. – And in your mouth too ’cause it’s like the juices just make it spread. – It’s horrible! – It’s coating everything in my mouth. – This is immoral! Will it jerky? – [Rhett and Link] No! – Now despite what you might be tempted to think, this last one is not a whale penis. It is a gooey duck. – Oh, it’s stickin’ out. Whoa! – Jerky duck. – Okay. – Just grab hold of it and yank it right out. – It’s the world’s largest burrowing clam, ladies and gentlemen! – Oh gosh! Oh! The smell, oh my goodness! The smell coming off of this thing. – Let me smell it. It’s been skinned and blanched and then dried. – 18 hours in the shell as you can see. – It’s not a, what is that smell? – You know what– – It’s almost like a bad couch. – We each should have our own. – Whoa! Whoa! Warn me next time! – Yours is– – Don’t stick that in my ear. – Yours is half as long as mine. – Well for once I’m trying to make you feel good. (Rhett laughing) It’s, what does it smell like? It doesn’t smell like a sea creature. – It smells like a dog. – It smells like a– – It smells like a dirty dog. – A stray dog. It smells like a dog that’s been out for a month. Oh gosh, it smells just like a dog! – Oh gosh, people. (crew laughing) – It does though! – It’s got a musty– – It smells exactly like a dog. Like a, like you know sometimes you go to people’s houses and they got an outside dog and then it and then they’re like, “Pet the dog.” I don’t wanna touch your dog. I don’t wanna smell like this for the rest of the day. – Just pet the dog. – Come on, he’s friendly. – I see you’re hesitant and I don’t know why. – He’s never bit nobody. – He’s never been in the house. 18 hours of drying. The desiccation, provocation is not gonna lead to celebration. – Alright. – That’s my predictation. – Okay. – Dink it. – Oh, do you hear that sound? – It sounds like leather floppin’ against leather. – They’re like hitting two origamis together. (Link laughing) – Origami play. (Link sighing) Oh, you going for the end, huh? (crew groaning and laughing) – Okay, well. (Rhett groaning) No! (Rhett and Link groaning) (crew laughing) (Link groaning) (crew laughing) – What do I do? – Change pants, man. If you’re gonna spend the rest of the day with me. – I bit it. – I’m chewing it. – What is that? The middle part. – That’s the organ part. That’s that part that I’m not touching. That’s the part that got on your pants. – This gooey duck’s an organ donor. – Honestly, the taste is significantly better than every other part about it. It tastes significantly better than it smells. It just tastes like a big clam. – Listen to this. (loud chewing) Oh yeah, big clam. Slightly dried. Put it in some chowder. – If I had some chowder or I had some kind of sauce, might be okay but– – The worst part is the smell. Wow your friends by eating it after you, after you smell it. – But I think there’s a pretty simple answer to this. Will it jerky? – [Rhett and Link] No! – Alright, we jerkied all that stuff so now you don’t have to. – Ah, you’re welcome and thank you for liking, commenting, and subscribing. – You know what time it is. – Hi, I’m John. – And I’m Sydney. – And we’re in Molokai, Hawaii and we just climbed down the tallest sea cliffs in the world. – [John and Sydney] And it’s time to spin the wheel of mythicality! – Those jerkies were dried for safety but most of our foods are boiled for safety. You can remind yourself of that fact by getting the Boil It For Safety mug available at mythical.store. – And click through to Good Mythical More where we have jerkied a couple of other things, pizza and cookie dough. Wonder how that go. Let’s find out. – Check your voicemail! We have a voice mail. Let’s check it. – [Caller] I can’t find my cactus. Where is my cactus? – Don’t know if we can help with that. (crew laughing) – I’m looking. – Go west, young man. (crew laughing) – [Link] Thanks for clicking subscribe. – [Rhett] Click on the left to watch our show after the show, Good Mythical More. – [Link] Click the video on the right to watch another episode of Good Mythical Morning. – [Rhett] And be sure to check out our other channel This is Mythical by clicking the video on the bottom. – [Link] Thanks for being your mythical best.