( theme music plays ) Opinions are like anuses. Everybody’s got one, but that doesn’t mean we want to hear it. And when it comes to the news cycle, they’re flying around every which-a-way. You can feel like you’re Dorothy flying around in an opinion tornado and you don’t know which witch is which anymore. That’s why today we’re leaving no Munchkin unturned. We’re gonna tee up some news, and cover it in a balanced way, meaning one of us is gonna take the high road, and the other, the low road. It’s time for… Okay, this is pretty simple. We are on stools that can go very high and very low. If you take a positive outlook on the story, you get high. If you take a negative outlook on the story, you get low. Here’s our first headline. It was recently revealed in a large CIA document release that Osama bin Laden had downloaded the “Charlie Bit My Finger” video on his computer. Going up. Going up. Going up! On the plus side, absolutely no Rhett and Link videos! – We’re off the hook. – I’m already down, just in case you didn’t know. This is– Oh. That’s as far as you go? This is as far as I go. This is as low as I can get. ( stammers ) Hunch a little. There you go. On the downside, absolutely no Rhett and Link videos. What’s wrong with us, Osama? I know you can’t hear me. You’re dead, which is a good thing, but we actually try when we make our videos. We’re not just some kids biting each other. Should we be biting each other? Is that what you want, Osama? Is that what would make you happy? Link: A Brit named Richard Browning is being dubbed “The Real Life Iron Man” after breaking the world record for the fastest speed in a body-controlled jet engine power suit at 32 miles per hour. Real life Iron Man suit? This is the coolest thing a Brit has done since Orlando Bloom paddleboarded naked. What’s his name, Richard Browning? Nice fake alias, Richard Branson. And 32 miles per hour? That’s only five miles per hour faster than Usain Bolt can run! Get a real job! Richard Branson. To celebrate having released a thousand vlogs, Lily Singh paid for a few lucky fans’ rent, exams, and groceries. This is really inspiring. Thanks, Lily. We’re taking one lucky fan, and doing something with them. We’re gonna compliment them on their shoes, right now. Hey, Heather. I like your boots. ( laughter ) This is real nice, Lily, but who wants rent, exams, or groceries? Give the kids what they really want these days: – the old GMM. – Ooh! We’ve just taken the high road… And the low road. Now click through to the next segment where we round up some of our favorite new tweets. Whaa! Rhett: What’s better than a “Book of Mythicality”? An autographed “Book of Mythicality.” We have a very limited supply at mythical.store.