Can we make fast food vegan and delicious? Let’s talk about that. ( music playing ) Good… mythical morning. Mythical beast, today is all about the art of the hack because, just in a bit, we are gonna be hacking the complicated brains of children in order to convince them to eat their broccoli. And later we’ll be playing a game about strange things that hack the lifespans of human beings, – AKA kill them. – Ugh. But first, we’re hacking fast food as a public service to vegans everywhere. Because, up until today, finding a delicious, vegan-friendly item on a fast food menu is like finding a tramp stamp on a nun, harder than you think, but it is possible. It’s time for… Okay, here are our constraints, we’re only gonna use items that are available at the fast food restaurants that we are hacking. And, just for clarification, vegan means food items that contain no animal products, no meat, no seafood, no milk products like cheese, butter or sour cream, no eggs, no honey. Nothing that has been made from or squeezed out of any animal is allowed. Now, there are no guarantees that these vegan items didn’t come in contact with some non-vegan items, you know, at the factory or some place, at the restaurant, but they are listed as vegan items. Yeah, okay, time for talking is up, time for hacking is now. Arby’s is classically known for one thing, having the meats, but, today, the meats will not be had because we’re about the create the Arby’s vegan loaded crostinis. – Ooh. – Very fancy, very vegan. – Nice. – Because I can’t do two things at once, while I explain how this is done for you, I will also be doing that for Rhett while, Rhett, you’re doing this. So, first of all, you’re gonna want to establish your work area with some Arby’s wrappers. You do not want to create a sandwich or these crostinis on the Arby’s table. Let me just point out that it says “Meat craft…” You don’t want to eat off those tables. …on the freaking thing. I mean, this is almost sacrilegious that we’re doing this with Arby’s stuff. I guess you could turn it over. No, I like it, I like the irony. Okay, and then you wanna order Arby’s Potato Cakes, which are basically fried, formed hash browns. These are gonna serve as the base like our little crunchy, toasty part of the crostini. After that, you’re gonna wanna order Arby’s Roast Beef Gyro, or Hero, but you’re gonna wanna ask for the… I think it’s “gyro” at Arby’s. Yeah. The lettuce, tomato, and onions on the side. And then you’re gonna take those, take Arby’s utensils in order to chop them up into small, crostini topping-size pieces, okay? Now, by Arby’s utensils, do you mean this fork that was over here? – Yes. – They don’t have a knife at freakin’ Arby’s? No, Arby’s made the strategic choice to not give their clientele knives. – Smart! – And you know what? I’m with them on that. As clientele myself, I’m not allowed a knife. The next thing that you order is the Fire-Roasted Philly Sandwich, but you need to order the red and yellow roasted peppers on the side. And these, you don’t have to chop up with the fork, it doesn’t seem that easy. It’s not easy, they’re gonna look at you weird. No, you know what? You can get away with anything at Arby’s. – Yeah, if you’re in a corner booth. – There’s nothing you can do at an Arby’s that’s gonna get you kicked out, try it! Yeah, I do recommend going to a corner booth and making grunting noises while you do this. Okay, and you want me take this… – Take that. – …this amalgamation and put it on this? Yeah. I don’t love tomatoes, but I’m taking one for the team. Oh, gosh, look at that. As you can see, I didn’t do a great job at that. Maybe mine… just go real light on the tomatoes. Light on the tomato. But I like onion. Okay, so, I got some onion for you. And then here are the roasted red and yellow peppers, which, as the next garnishment, you’re gonna just… lay those over, just flop ’em over on top. Just flop ’em over on top. And then, finally, you’re gonna wanna order a Jalapeño Roast Beef Slider, which I have right here, but order those jalapeños on the side so they never touch it! Gotta keep those vegans happy. And then, these jalapeños, you’re just gonna… you’re just gonna tip-tap, tap those onto there, Rhett. These meats that I got sitting over here are not gonna go to waste. In “Good Mythical More,” we’re gonna create Meat Everest, a breakfast sandwich, so we ain’t vegan, we’re gonna eat that in “More.” But, for now, we are a little vegan. Our balsamic vina… vinaigrette. Vina-vinaigrette. Balsamic reduction is gonna be Arby’s Red Ranch Sauce, which doesn’t come in a packet. Now, I’ve never heard of this, this is new to me as someone who’s had the meats many times. – You’ve gotta ask for this. – And the meat sweats. They squirt it out in the back. – ( imitates squirt noise ) – Is there like a Red Ranch guy? Does he have a mask on? – Right. – That should be your mascot. It’s just one guy, he’s just waiting for somebody to order it. I’m gonna do the drizzle technique, I’m just gonna take this and just… Ooh. Yeah, you’re doing great, I don’t need to add anything to that. Yeah, I’m glad you let me do this. I think everybody is. You’re a good drizzler. All right, grab– Oh, this is yours ’cause it has no tomato. Oh, yeah, look at that, it’s like we’re at a party. Like, if you dim the lighting in the Arby’s… – Quite a party. – …played some classical music… put some table toppers on there… – Let’s taste it and see. – We dunked it, now we “sunked” it. ( music playing ) Mmm! Mmm. It has a little Arby’s-ness to it. – Yeah, it does. – But I’m not complaining about that. ‘Cause it’s a hash brown under there. The hash brown… – Really dominates. – Pretty hash brown forward. With lots of sugariness. But you got that pepper in there and that jalapeño kick. I’m gonna dip it right in this Red Ranch Sauce. Ooh, man, you’re going all in. You just got rid of everything that made it a crostini – and now you’re just dipping a tater tot… – Yeah. – …into sugar. – Now I’m just at Arby’s again. – But you’re still vegan! – I’m still vegan! Have you ever gone into a Wendy’s and noticed how all the burgers are called things like “Dave’s Double,” or “Dave’s Single”? I thought it was Wendy’s! Back off Dave, ya thirsty! Either way… they don’t have any vegan burger options, until now! This is the Wendy’s Dave’s vegan burger. – Okay. – Okay, here’s what you’re gonna do, you’re gonna get a Power Mediterranean Chicken Salad. – Check. – Get the chicken and feta cheese on the side, – keep it vegan. – Check. You’re gonna order a baked potato with chives. – Check. – And you’re going to order two Dave’s Single Burgers with no cheese, no mayo and then substitute an extra whole bun for the meat. So this is a bun burger. Mmm! It’s great being vegan. – You can go ahead… – That looks tasty. …go ahead and take those buns out of the middle there ’cause we’re gonna use those in a second. And you need to do the same thing with the other one. – Gotcha, captain. – All right, things are gonna get tricky now. You’re gonna have to get to know a Wendy’s employee well enough to be able to use the blender. Just tell ’em you know Wendy, that worked for me. All right, so you’re gonna go into the back… – Prove it – …and you’re gonna break out the blender. Link, I want you to take that Power Mediterranean Chicken Salad, take all the toppings, so not the lettuce and the tomato, but all the toppings there in the middle, the onions and the… the chick peas – and that kinda stuff. – Uh-huh. And you’re going to kinda just use your clean hand, I’m sure it’s clean, and dump it into… What? I always clean my hands. Yeah, I wasn’t being facetious at all. Then I touch my hair, maybe my nose. Dump it into the blender, and I want you to get just a few pieces of lettuce in there, along with that, and then one tomato because we want to make sure the moisture content is exactly right. This recipe has been well thought out. There’s a lot of good stuff on top of this salad. Oh, yeah, Link, it’s so good. It’s gonna make lots of roughage. Now I’m gonna take this whole baked potato with chives, I’m gonna dump that in there as well, and then you’re gonna take the interior buns that were your meat in those Dave Singles and dump that into the blender as well. That is– we’re gonna start with just two buns? – No. – Those are the ones that we’re gonna make the thing with, so I just wanna use… This is just a bun in a bun. – Yes, okay. – So we’re gonna grind that bread. – And put this up here. – All the way in there. Make sure we’ve got full buns to make the sandwich. – I do. – And we need this bun as well. Oh, you wanna go full bread right at the top? – That’s what we talked about, yes. – Okay. We’re gonna do four pieces of bread in there. And now, you are going to blend that for 30 seconds. Okay, now, you’re gonna take… – Yeah. – ..that out and I want you to make two piles on your… your surface here, okay? But you know what? I have something to get that out with. – Wait for it. – I have something to get that out with. You’re gonna bring your spatula. Spatulas are very useful for fighting off the teens that are making out in the Wendy’s parking lot. Personal experience with that. Ooh, yeah, dollop it right into that. So thick, just like I like it. – Oh, gosh. – Ooh, it’s… It’s almost like mashed potatoes. This is a really good consistency. Mm! We’re going to turn these into two burger patties. But you got to lube your hands up, you’ve done that… with salad dressing. We’ve got the dressing, which is basically like a balsamic vinaigrette from that salad that we ordered. You’re gonna dip your “fingies” into that. You wanna make the two things or you want help? Um, yeah, you make one, I’ll make one. So I’m gonna get rid of this junk here. So there’s your work surface. Again, you don’t want to work on a Wendy’s table. Okay, so let’s just kinda lube our fingers up because, otherwise, the burgers will stick to your… – Just get it all over your hands. – Your paws. And then just, you know, just… Take half of it back to your zone, your cook station as they call it. – Oh, gosh, this… – Cook station? – Tess: Yeah. Yeah. – You call it a cook station? This is absolutely remarkable how well this is working so far. Look at that! You know, after the food flip thing we did, I have so much confidence. – Look at that, guys. – But you lost. – Link: But I just… – Rhett: I find that interesting. Link: But I felt like I should’ve won. That you gained confidence from that experience. Look at that, that’s a good-looking patty. So yours is a little bit bigger than mine, not a problem, just set it down right here. Now, this is the really tricky part because you’re gonna have to talk your way into using their deep fryer. And this is where a Wendy’s tattoo comes in very handy. – Seriously? – Just show ’em your Wendy’s tattoo and they’ll let you use the deep fryer. Nice! Man, quite an investment on your part, but it looks like it paid off. Okay, Link, I’m going to set this right up here and I’m going to place our patties… right here. That’s a nice patty, Neal. Call me Patty. – And I’m going to… – Patty McNeal. …drop ’em in for one minute. Nice! – ( clock ticks ) – You’ll be able to get tongs with the Wendy’s tattoo, that gets you pretty far. Um… and then I’m gonna just take this. Crispy. – Ooh, yeah. – Look at that. I’m gonna set it right there. – Oh, gosh, they look so good. – Ooh. They look so freakin’ incredible. Look at that, man. – Now we just… – Pull that over there. …place the bun atop. Oh, gosh, we did it backwards. – Gotta turn these over. – Ooh, yeah, that’s looking nice. Look at that. That looks good, doesn’t it? That is a good-looking vegan burger. Dink her and sink her. I don’t know if this is worth that Wendy’s tattoo. ( chuckles ) Yeah, it’s pretty bread-y. But you know what? It’s not bad at all, though. It’s not bad. I just don’t want so much bread. Like, if I make it open-face… Open-face, there’s an idea. Mmm, that’s good. Really good. Needs a little bacon. Yeah, it could really use some. But, in terms of presentation, you could lure a vegan into a Wendy’s with one of these. Put it on a string. Mm-hmm, then kill ’em in the back. Creating a vegan menu item at McDonald’s is a tough nut to crack, which is ironic because nuts are typically vegan. Oh! Even McDonald’s French fries aren’t vegan because they’re made with a beef flavoring that contains milk. Ooh, tricky, McDonald’s. But, in looking at their menu, we have realized that McDonald’s has everything necessary to make a delectable vegan shake. Let’s get our dessert on. Very quickly, you just get a black ice coffee, dump that in a blender. We liked the blender from Wendy’s so much, we took it. Yeah, keep the ice and all that in there. Then throw in two apple pies, which, yes, are vegan because they use vegetable oil – and no butter. – No butter. It’s pretty crazy, but still tasty. And, you know what? Let’s add a hotcake syrup… in there. And then we’re just going to– Yeah, look at that. Blend her up, Jimmy! Throw the top in there, throw it on here. Just give it a nice… blend. ( clock ticks ) And, if you want to make this for kids, you can add a Happy Meal toy. Blend that puppy right up. – Ooh… – Ooh, that’s nice. …doggy. Here we go. And there we go. The vegans are lining up outside, Rhett. They’re beating down the door. And then you can drizzle a little bit more on top just for looks… and giggles. And taste. Then then grab yourself a straw… toast your boy. Toast your boy. Here’s to you, vegans, because… you’ve made a principled choice that’s made it difficult, until today. That’s right. Mmm. And, of course, that is amazing. This is the most amazing thing I’ve ever created. It’s a little sweet. Including my children. Stick around because we’re about to stop at nothing to make sure kids eat their broccoli. There’s nothing like the sweet smell of success, unless you’ve smelled our cologne. Grab Mythical No. 9 at mythical.store.