you won’t believe what I found in my front yard let’s talk about that good mythical morning this episode is brought to you by the redolent community got a red link on click on beasts upload engage interact and espouse your stuff with other mythical beasts people are espousing over their their spouse seems like a ranged marriage bed well there’s you know there’s forms for discussion pictures you’ve been over there you enjoy it I’m an ego trip for you it’s probably not healthy okay thanks for joining us today it is indeed a good mythical morning and to clarify you don’t have to watch this in the morning we just ask that you watch it every day at some point to make this a habit but it’s always men addiction it’s always morning somewhere that’s how the world works cuz the rotation of the world you know that I said addiction and I just froze on it just to emphasize it and then I wasn’t even listening to what you were saying well I’ve got something I want to talk about but I know that you’ve got a little something you want to talk about so I want to I’m sure I’m still shaken up about what happened to me so I’m actually I’m a little shaken up with what happened to me to really shaken well I kind of have adrenaline actually so what I wanted to do is I wanted to issue an apology to you rat in front of today’s audience just for just for being a little bit late you know I know I appreciate your not saying anything about it but I said I was gonna be here at X time and I was here at X time plus 14 minutes and the reason was it was a great reason I did you rescue somebody from a traffic jam again I had to save you you guessed it I had to save someone else I saved the life of another stranded passenger on the busiest part of the freeway in the continental United States become uncommon like a thing for 101 in the four or five come together I I go on the 101 overpass over the busiest thing in in terms of traffic everywhere and you have drive on it Jason every morning before 5:00 and lo and behold right in front of me this Jaguar just comes to a sputtering halt you just can’t do that there’s a jack or on the highway there is a a sputtering Jaguar and any and there was a there was a little old lady I didn’t know inside the sputter engine bug did it eat her I didn’t know they were native I know there was a mountain lions around here and so there was there was this vintage like 1950s Bel Air car that was really stupid there was a really corny joke that I made I’m just gonna apologize for about the Jaguar yeah I went with it so it’s okay and then so he pulls over and he’s getting out of his car and going back she’s in the far right lane but she has stopped in the lane little old lady and I mean immediately traffic backing up she’s probably 70 really trapped you know traffic is immediately backing up for literally days that’s how this stuff works yeah one guy who pulled over and I’m like oh gosh link to the rescue again this guy’s not gonna be able to handle this on his own I have experience if you watch previous episode of me being the hero so I’m kind of okay here I go again I pull over on the shoulder and I just start walking back there you should wear a cape III should at least have my own 800 number for roadside assistance I mean like my become an expert at this and I go back there and the guy this me and the guy just pushed the Jaguar off of the road there and the little old lady she’s on her phone the whole time and so we start pushing he’s like man I didn’t I didn’t realize this old Jaguar was what’s so heavy and I was like I think that she’s applying the brake she was applying the brake the whole time that we were trying to push her off she sir up she’s being cautious I had so much adrenaline though that it was almost you know I could have pushed her over the overpass it was just just a rush of being a hero is amazing I love it I love it I didn’t I hope I just look for people who are about to say oh is this person going slower they sputtering because I can pull over and push them baby I’m gonna die I really should have an outfit that you wear underneath your own clothes and just having me back like totally orange well she’d be like coveralls that are underneath your clothes because then you’d look like a triple a guy under all it should be under oils that are up overall orange under Ellis okay if you want to send me some orange under Oz I you know where 30 31 inch waist 32 inch pants um kind of small well I’m happy that you’ve had a good experience I did in the past 24 hours because I’ve had a bad experience let me have it yeah that’s it first of all not only did you get here late today you you left early yesterday yeah headache it happens to the best of us and you left early and then so I so right after you left I quit work no I worked for a while and but then I come into the house getting ready to eat dinner and I just he’s like could you take the recycling out and so I take the recycling deal and and and the this is really exciting so the recycling bin is out on the street okay cuz for this morning so I take it and I’m going out there and dumping the recycling and I see a woman now I’m out there on the street so I can see all the way to my front yard up there on the corner in the intersection and there’s a woman walking three little dogs which is something you see a lot in Los Angeles a person walk walking multiple little dogs together like a little herd of dogs I think it’s called a pack she says uh excuse me and it fit immediately I think I’m doing something wrong oh did I put it in the wrong bin you know like that’s what I’m thinking he said excuse me uh did you see what was in your front yard I was like what is this woman talking about I don’t keep anything in my front yard I ever hardly ever go to my front yard what do you mean is in my front yard and she’s like she points in the middle of my front yard which I can’t see because I’m on the side of the house and like I have no idea what this woman could be talking about and I walk up there through the front yard and I hate to laugh but I look in the middle of the yard and there is half half of a cat whoa ah what I took a picture of it but I’m not gonna show it because I feel like that would be inappropriate so just picture this but you don’t suggest it’s about to get a little graphic but which half are we talking about the back half oh gosh it was the back half of a cat and then what and then part of this part of the intestine had been was was out like 4 feet away from the cat and then I go out there and of course now Here I am there’s a woman with a pack of dogs me with my half cat in the front yard so you turn to the woman you’re like what did you do and at that point I’m like does this woman gonna think that I’m like doing some kind of animal sacrifice in my front yard and I’ve been caught I mean but I’m out there I’m in this public place you know I got a pretty major road right here so I’m just I’m beginning to panic a little bit and I’m like then I’m trying to figure it out and then I did it so I’m like okay dude I’m gonna take care of this I don’t know where this is from and she’s like it looks like a coyote might have gotten hold of it oh yeah and then I’m like I’m possible really it is but I’m just like okay I’m kind of playing CSI here you know si si si cat crime scene investigator okay and I’m like the the gardener the guy who custody yard oh no no no he was just here just a second ago he’d cut the grass at like 4:30 and here it is like six o’clock and now I see this thing I don’t think the he I don’t think that the thing got up into the lawnmower cuz he would have told me he’s not that kind of guy nearly mined it up no he would have cleaned it up so I don’t think it was a coyote because we would have heard this we would have seen it and it was literally it was a just just the back half there was no blood it was just the back half and then the intestine Oh what do you do I mean well so first of all I think that it was roadkill I’m right here next to this major street there’s all these stray cats that are always around and I think that it got hit and either it got hit and somebody took it and threw it into the yard which doesn’t make any sense or it got hit and the car was going at such a speed that it tossed the back half of the cat into the front yard oh gosh did you find the front half No I didn’t look for it didn’t look for it no I’m not interested in finding the front half wasted the back half was nasty yeah but then I’m like well this is my responsibility now I’ve got to dispose of the body and I’m not gonna do some Breaking Bad type thing I don’t like put it on put it in acid so I’m like she so I’m like I gotta clean this up and the woman’s like well you should probably like use a shovel or something she’s still there at this point she’s like help me brainstorm earn a little dogs a little dogs right well they want to get at it you know No yeah we can’t have that it’s not this isn’t post-apocalyptic time so what did you do I realized that the only shovel I have is a little kids show like a plastic shovel it’s like a little TT two-foot shovel that my kids play with never pick up the back half of a cat with a flimsy shovel that is not flimsy it’s actually made out of wood and it has a block of paint but it’s like obviously kids it’s like turquoise and so I take my little two-foot turquoise shovel out into the front yard with a plastic bag I grabbed the back half and pull it up and put it in there but then it this is so nasty I can’t believe I’m talking about it then I got a four foot of intestine that I’ve got to get into so this is I hope you’re not eating breakfast and I get it in the bag and then I just like take the bag and the trash was going out today so I just dropped it into the trash put it back close it and then I take the shovel and I pour some bleach into a bucket and I stick the bucket I’m stickler I don’t dump bleaching the thing you know it’s in the bucket out there that’s been all night but then I’m like well so I go inside and Jessie’s like I you know I just I heated up some of those stuffed mushrooms from Trader Joe’s cuz it’s like you know the ones that look like the back half of a cat and I’m like in there was like stuffed mushrooms and cabbage on the plate it’s like very like a no meat meal just like real simple okay and I sit there and I sit down I put some sriracha on the mushrooms because I like that you know rooster sauce and I pick up one of those things I put it in my mouth and I immediately want to vomit I start chewing it and all I can think about is cat oh and I just go and I run to the trek units throw it and no throw-up I spit it out and I wait 15 minutes and I try another one same thing happens I cannot swallow it and I didn’t think I was queasy and I’m not even really thinking about the cat it turns out the only thing that I could eat was was uh she bought this huge chocolate bar dark chocolate bar like the huge ones from Trader Joe’s and like a couple of pounds okay all I could he taped like the back half of a cat No all I could eat was that in peanut butter oh yeah okay yeah that’s the cure-all that all that would take anything but this may have ruined stuffed mushrooms for me oh yeah you’re right I’m gonna think about that back half of that cab but I still don’t know what happened I mean it’s a mystery that is heinous man you need to go and look for the front half of the cab because they’re not gonna do with it you you could be attracting coyotes out there speaking which I call them coyotes and I’ll call them Jaguars not Jaguars so for those of you who have already left comments about how I say Jaguar funny say Jaguar but stuff it for the people who work for Jaguar will say Jaguar oh the people are over it so I was saying all right yeah the British people will actually say Jaguar oh okay um I go both ways it says the Jaguar pronounced link is moving into the studio I move okay I got coming in here I got my first day living here what’s in the trash get all my stuff I it I pack things in trash can and then when I unpack it boom I got a trash can hey I’m gonna tell you I fell the back half of a cat in the front yard I’ve been looking for the front half of it it’s in here too I’m moving in with it it’s my pet wife and kids are moving in – is that cool [Music]