All of these products, except for one, are owned by the same company. – Hmm, let’s talk about that. (mythical music) (Link groaning) (egg cracking) (logo rasping) – “Good Mythical Morning.” (scene whooshing) – We don’t talk about it a lot, but we do like to fancy ourselves as hard-hitting journalists. – Yeah. – Set on uncovering the truth about the monopolization of consumer products and the iron grip conglomerate parent companies have on our wallet. – Stand straight, and this is incredibly serious, and not for entertainment purposes whatsoever! It’s time for The First Ever Parent Company Family Picnic! Party crashers will be severely prosecuted. (labels whooshing) – [Stevie] Okay, boys, welcome to The Parent Company Family Picnic. Up first, everyone in this particular family has curly hair, including Klondike and Pepsodent. They are related, aka have the same parent company, but oh no! Two mysterious guests have shown up, and only one of them is also a member of the Curly Hair Family. Which one belongs at the family picnic? Is it Always Maxi Pads or Marmite? Oh, and if you need a little bit of help during the game, I do have a couple lifelines for you, so just yell out at me, and I’ll tell you. – Just two, okay. – Thank you, Stevie, but we got this. – Okay, so. – Well, they- – They’re from the same parent. – These curly-headed products don’t have a lot in common. – Klondike and Pepsodent. Well, if you eat a lot of Klondikes, you might need a little bit of Pepsodent. Is this toothpaste for dentures? – I think it’s toothpaste for dentures. – Yeah. – It’s toothpaste when you can take your teeth out. – It’s not though. – But what is it? – “Whitens teeth, strengthens enamel, complete protection for strong enamel and healthy gums.” – Of fake teeth? – “Anti-cavity fluoride toothpaste.” It’s not what you thought it was and what I thought it was. It’s just for teeth, bro. – What would you do for a Klondike bar is a great slogan for a product. – I don’t have my period. – Would you have your period? – Would you have a period for a Klondike bar? That’s how it- – Would you have a super salty yeast extract when in the UK? – Now, I feel like the most obvious outlier here is the Marmite, simply because I know that it’s not made in America. ‘Cause Marmite is the British version, right? – That’s what I said, I said UK. – And then the other one, what’s the one? – Vegemite. – Vegemite is the Australian version. – Yep, yep. – And they’re both extracts of a process. – But the Klondike is a place too, Rhett. – But it’s a place in America, right? – No, it’s not, the Klondike is, like, big snowy mountains. – North America. North America. – Oh, you’re talking about, like, the Arctic North America? – Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think. It’s where polar bears are. – All right, so- – I don’t know though! I don’t know. – You’re saying that the Marmite does not belong at this fam. – Do you agree with that? – Yeah, at this family dinner. This family lunch, this curly-headed picnic. – [Stevie] Okay, go ahead and reach down into the, well, wait. – This is the one that I think should be curly-headed. Which one do you want me to pull? – [Stevie] Oh, let’s see them both. – Well, I believe that- – Can you do them both at the same time? – The Marmite. – Can you do both at the same time? – I don’t even know how to pull. – Out and up. (cards ripping) Oh no! – Oh, we got it backwards. The Marmite is owned by the same company? – Yep. – And what company is that? – [Stevie] Unilever owns all three: Marmite, Klondike, and Pepsodent. And then Procter & Gamble is who owns Always. – Okay. – So you don’t get a Klondike for having your period. – I just really wanna taste this Pepsodent and see what my future holds. (crew groaning) Well, it just came out. I don’t know why I did that. I thought that was a seal, so I squeezed. – I’ll let you. Oh, what does it taste like? Toothpaste? – Yeah, is it? – You could have tasted anything including the Maxi Pads. (team laughing) (labels whooshing) – [Stevie] Okay, welcome to the Long Nail Family Picnic including Halls and Oreos. – Okay, all right. – [Stevie] Of course, you have two attendees, and you have to decide which one has those long nails. – Well, the Long Nail Family, it’s a lot like the Scissor Hands Family. – I mean, Tang showed up at the party. Tang have long nails and a soft-baked goodness peanut butter Grandma Cookie. – Well, first of all, whatever parent company this is, they’re making the cookies, the Oreo cookies, and they’re giving you the relief, the Cough & Throat Relief of Halls. They’re both blue. – These are blue. (team laughing) – Would you expect Grandma’s Cookie to be made where Oreos were made or by the same people? (wrapper ripping) I gotta be honest with you, Tang feels like an outlier here ’cause it’s just a powder. – [Stevie] I also, I don’t wanna, like increase the pressure- – It’s a powder. – [Stevie] That’s clearly on you right now, but you do have to get at least three rounds right to win the prize, which is the chance to buy a million dollar product idea. – Well, then we might need some help from you, Stevie, if I- – [Stevie] You wanna use the Lifeline? – Yeah. – [Stevie] Okay, I will, the product that is the Long Nail Family member, I’m gonna scrape against my mic. Please give me a moment. – Oh, we should know this. (mic buzzing) – Actually, but this right here… – Oh, I didn’t know about that part. (team laughing) – Tang has a rib in the middle of it. So when you grab it and shake it, I don’t know why. – I didn’t know it was ribbed. – If you turn it over, it has a gripping part that you can’t get outta your hand. (Rhett shushing) (packaging scrunching) – Do that. (packaging crinkling) – It’s that. It’s this, it’s Tang. Tang, it does belong. – All right, show us some long nails. Whoo! Yeah! – Yeah! – We got it. (bell chiming) And who’s trying to get into the party? Oh, it’s a Bat Girl! – [Stevie] Yeah, Halls, Oreo, and Tang are all owned by Mondelez. – Mondelez? Boy, I’ve never heard of them. Is that really? – But yeah, I think you have on the show. – Parent. – Parent company, they like to keep it under wraps. – Yeah, you’re not supposed to hear about ’em. – You’re supposed to just think, “Nabisco. You think that the train stops at the Nabisco.” Mm-mm, the train keeps on going. – There is an overlord deeper into your pockets. – Deeper into the cave. – [Stevie] And Grandma’s is owned by PepsiCo. – Look at that. I would never have guessed it. – Well. – But I didn’t have to. – ‘Cause you didn’t. (labels whooshing) – [Stevie] It’s the Big Feet Family Picnic, including Pup-Peroni and Jif. But then you have, oh, Laura Scudder’s and edible arrangements over there trying to break in. – Edible arrangements, it feels so, like, corporate office. You know, it’s like- – Yeah, this is taking some space. – Come on. – Oh, that’s the one I wanted too. – [Stevie] I saw you, Rhett, as soon as that got placed down, you could not take your eyes off of it. – I love an edible arrangement. – Mm. Huh? – Is that a marshmallow? – I bit, mine’s not doing good. – Look at that! – I bit through the thing in the middle, and it hurt. And so I let go of my teeth, and then part of it just came off. – That’s white chocolate and regular chocolate around a marshmallow. No, it’s banana. (team laughing) That’s banana, man. Did you know that was banana? – Where? That? – [Rhett] That one is banana? I gotta get another one of those. – What? Oh, it’s chocolate. – It’s chocolate-covered banana, man. Just pop the whole thing. – I mean, how are these made? Is this, like, just people just in a fruit room, just stabbing? – Mm-hmm. – I’d love that job. – You should probably go. – You should see the fruit room at night when the lights go down, you know? West Hollywood style. – Do that, do that more. Do that more. More. – More? (team laughing) I gotta say that’s a pretty good banana. – Do that more, do that more, and then act like you toss something back over your shoulder. Just toss it, open your hand and toss it. – Rejected! (team laughing) – Now do it again. – I can totally work here. – But this time, toss it straight towards the camera and open your hand towards the camera. Right towards the camera. – You want one, Grandma? (team laughing) – Aw. – Grandma don’t want it. – I could totally work there. (team laughing) – Where is there? – Pup-Peroni. So we got, I mean, two- – Two peanut butters, who’s gonna do that? – Two peanut butters, who’s gonna do that? – I think they probably did that. Edible arrangements, I think that it’s not owned by a food company. – It’s owned by, like, a mail order. – It’s owned by something a little bit different. – It’s marketing company. – It’s, like, 1-800-Flowers. – Yep, it’s owned by the flower company who owns the flour company. – And Shari’s Berries. I bet you Shari owns this. – Yeah, I gotta have another one just to be sure though. – All right, so we are hoping that there’s big feet under these peanut butter. Yeah! – Yeah! – We don’t fall for your crap. (bell chiming) Who owns this? Let’s see who’s coming to the party. – Dragon Boy. – Dragon Man. (team laughing) – [Stevie] Yeah, so Laura Scudder’s, and Jif, and Pup-Peroni are all owned by J.M. Smucker Company. – Yep, Smucker. – And then Edible Brands Inc. owns- – Yeah, you know what? – It’s just them. – I was almost gonna say, “I bet ya they haven’t even sold to somebody big yet.” – They’re not sellouts. Now, don’t start to think, “Well, what they do is they make Jif, and then they put it in a fancier jar.” – Oh no. – “And they add oil to it or it’s all natural.” – Oh no, I lost the choc, Link. – There you go. And then they, (team laughing) they take the peanut butter. – Now, I’m just a man holding a pineapple. – Yeah. – I don’t wanna be that man. I’m just a man holding a pineapple. (labels whooshing) Hey, you might be looking for something to make your upcoming Thanksgiving a little more unique and memorable. Well, we highly recommend adding some recipes from “The Mythical Cookbook” to your spread. Just think about it, your family and friends, what are they gonna do when you show up with habanero watermelon party wings, Nashville hot chicken meatballs, or Jimmy Fallon’s favorite, pulled pork twinkies. You could be that person. – Poutine spaghetti and meatballs? – We just restocked all with some new signed copies, okay, at mythical.com. We got signed copies signed by us and Josh. – Who signed it? – All three of us! Pick up your signed copy today at mythical.com and be the Thanksgiving hero your friends and family deserve. – And look. And there’s also pictures of us in it. – [Rhett] Yeah. – This is just me on this page. All right, get yourself one. – Okay, this family, everybody has pets including Auntie Anne’s and Cinnabon, but who has pets on the other side? We got Dippin’ Dots and Jambas. Jamba Juice? Jamba? – So we’ve got the mall, the mall snacks. Which mall snack does not belong, Rhett? – I don’t know. – Life needs frosting. – There’s only one way to find out though. – By eating them all. – The only way to find out is to go directly for the center of the Cinnabon. – Oh gosh, you dirty dog. You’re such a surgeon. ♪ Touched for the very ♪ ♪ First time ♪ – And just eat the belly button. – Well, ice cream of the future. – Y’all can have that one. (Rhett laughing) – Or smoothie of the Jamba. Stevie, they’re all from the mall, we need some help from you here. We were wondering instead of, like, taking the product and like, putting it on the mic- – ‘Cause we’re worried about the mic. – We’re worried about the mic. (team laughing) We would prefer for you to just, I don’t know, make the noise with your mouth. – Yeah. – Of me consuming the item? – No, no, the sound that Dippin’ Dots or a smoothie would make. – [Stevie] If it was an inanimate object? – We don’t know. We’re giving creative license to you. – Okay. – You just have to make a sound that is a hint towards one of these because it could be either. The ice cream of the future or Jamba Juice. (chuckles) – [Stevie] Okay. – Do they have a good slogan? – All right, we’re listening. (Stevie slurping) (team laughing) Okay. Okay, can you do that again? (team laughing) (Stevie slurping) – Pleasant. – Okay. – Pleasant, are you sure you weren’t trying to get the cinnamon out of the- (Rhett laughing) – I already got it! – How to get the hole out the middle hands free? – This is why I think that the sound that she was making was for Dippin’ Dots ’cause you might be tempted to think that she was just slurping on something. (Link slurping) – But it was too inconsistent, and it had a lot of little (chitters). It had a little, she was making little dot noises. – Ain’t that nice that she did that for us? – Didn’t your wife work at the Dippin’ Dots? – I licked all the ones on that side, so you’re gonna wanna eat that side. – I’ll be fine. – Yeah, Christy spent a summer dipping out the dots at the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk, and I loved her for it. I loved her. She came home and I proposed. – Did she smell like Dippin’ Dots when she got home? – No, Rhett, she showered. – Well, sometimes those smells can stick with you if you work at those places. Carney still smells a little bit like a corn dog. – When he hasn’t showered. – Yeah. (team laughing) – Yeah, I’m going solely on her sounds here. – Didn’t it sound like it was a little separated? Like, little? – Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It sounded like she was in the future. – Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so we’re on the same page. I think that was a- – All right, show us a pet with a person. Yeah! – Oh! – [Stevie] How on earth? It just sounded like a plop, like a smoothiest plopping. – No, no. – Dippin’ Dots would’ve been like, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew. (team laughing) – Oh, that would’ve been way too easy though. I thought you were cloaking it a little bit. Do it one more time. – [Stevie] No! (Rhett laughing) Everyone was like, “Ew!” – Okay. – [Stevie] Yes, no, Jamba’s the right answer, which makes sense because you don’t norm, I mean, I’ve never really seen Dippin’ Dots in the mall but- – Dippin’ Dots isn’t really, they’re not as established. – That’s true. – [Stevie] They’re owned by GoTo Foods. And then Dippin’ Dots is owned by J&J Snack Foods Corp. – Oh, it’s just a snack food. (labels whooshing) – [Stevie] It all comes down to this at the Mutant Family. – Oh. – Picnic with Capt’n Crunch and Rice-A-Roni, but is it Muscle Milk or Pepto that belongs in the Mutant Family? – Okay, and we got some Pepto-Bismol Ultra 2X Concentrated Formula for your traveler’s diarrhea. – I might need that. – Or your overindulgence. – Oh, it says that? – It says, “For overindulgence, upset stomach, heartburn, indigestion, nausea.” – That usually happens to me when you leave me alone with an edible arrangement. – Yeah, you gonna need to Pepto it down. – These are two red-boxed foods. – They’re grains. I think one’s corn though and one is roni. – Did the people at the parent company who made Capt’n Crunch and Rice-A-Roni think to themselves, “We also need to acquire a product line that helps with those who overindulge”? Or did they think- – “We need to diversify into a more healthy place from Capt’n Crunch?” – Or not even more healthy, just more muscle building. – Yeah, Muscle Milk. Is there even any milk actually in this? – Yeah, the protein is, like, whey protein. – 25 grams of protein derived from milk. – Yep. – You did it, man. You’re right. – I’m a student. – You ever have one of these? – I have in a pinch. – Hold on, but then it says, “Contains no milk.” – It’s derived from milk. – “Includes milk proteins.” – Yep, whey, whey. – But it doesn’t say that. – Stevie, would you mind? – [Stevie] Oh no. – Making the noise of which of these two products match our Alien Mutant Family? – [Stevie] Okay, so you want me to do an interpretation not ’cause before, I was doing, like, a pretty good, like, thick liquid sound, and you didn’t get it. – Hey, we give you creative license to act like you’re having diarrhea. – Yeah, yeah, one thick liquid is for the treatment of indigestion, upset stomach, and diarrhea, the other one is to make your muscle grow big. But they’re both liquid, so it should be a liquidy sound. (team laughing) – [Stevie] Okay, so you want me to make the sound of the product? – No, you can make the sound that you would make but when you need the product. – Make it like a synesthesia level, just sort of, like, associative sound. (Stevie gulping) (Stevie gasping) – Oh, oh, oh, oh. Hold on. (Link squealing) (Link gulping) – Is that water going down the toilet? – No, so it’s a- – A liquid (gulps). – I feel like if I’m just trying to take the simplest interpretation is, it’s like I was little before I (gulps). And then I got big ’cause I was Muscle Milk. But it could be like I was constipated before I (gulps). (Link squealing) – Not constipated, I was stomach aching. (Link squealing) (Link gulping) Ooh, what is that? – Feel better? – No, I just, yeah, yeah. – Feel better? – All right, we think it’s the Muscle Milk. – We’re going with Muscle Milk on this one. – All right, shake. Well, you shake both of these well, I will say that. – Yep. – Like, that’s the one thing they have in common. If you wanted to be one of those big companies that just scooped up all shakeable- – Shakeable stuff. Could you take both of ’em, and hold ’em up, and shake ’em both towards your face? – Yeah. (team laughing) And then what? – Just act like you’re drinking one. Act like you’re drinking one. (Link gulping) No, do both, shake both of them same time, but then take one and drink one. – I can’t keep shaking and drink. I can’t shake. – And now turn to the other. Okay, hey, he’s got his limitations. (Rhett laughing) (team laughing) – I can’t, I can’t. I can’t not shake both of ’em. – He’s still going. You can’t just go like this, and then open your mouth towards one, and then open your mouth towards another one? – Oh, I thought I was supposed to stop shaking one. – No, no, no, no, you shake both of them and then just open your mouth towards one. – Oh, I can do that. – Yeah. (wheezes) Yeah, okay, now I get it. – Okay, all right, so is this? Show me an alien, yes! – Yes! – I felt like Stevie. – [Stevie] Yep, yep, I was little, and then I got big muscles. – Yeah. – Big muscles! – [Stevie] So Capt’n Crunch, Rice-A-Roni, and Muscle Milk are all owned by PepsiCo. – Ah! – And then Pepto is owned by Procter & Gamble. And good news! – Fun fact. – Oh. – Pepsi is owned by Pepto-Bismol. – What? – Not true. – Go on with what you were saying. It’s probably better. – Okay. You did win the chance to invest in a million dollar idea, Mr. Malachi. – Oh, really? Oh, hey! – Hey there, fellas. It’s your friendly neighborhood, doomsday prepper, Abraham Joe, Peter Parker, Mary Jane, Dr. Octopus Malachi. (laughs) And hey, how many times have you said this to yourself, “I’m afraid my sperms gonna go to waste while the atmosphere poisons God’s green earth”? Well, have no fear! The sperm dehydrator is here. Keep your swimmers safe in this device. And once water is no longer giving people extra eyes, you can rehydrate your sperm in no time. When it’s time to repopulate the planet, make sure your genes are still in the running. Buy a sperm dehydrator today. And look, fellas, I even took the liberty of filling up the test. – Oh! – Whoa. – Okay, okay. (team laughing) Saved. – Oh no, no, no. – Don’t wipe off your pants or else, you’ll be getting rid of valuable genetic material. So let’s make sure to just wring those pants dry out in the sperm dehydrator. (chuckles) – One question before we invest. – Yep. – How do you rehydrate? – Well, this is just a test model. I’m gonna let the boys in the lab figure that all out. (liquid sloshing) Yeah. (laughs) (Rhett laughing) – I mean, you could fill up one of these bad boys in no time. – Oh, that’s right. – Well. – Okay, I think we’re gonna need to sleep on it. – Okay, well, you sleep on it, and I’ll be, yep, click. – Oh, there’s a counter. – Yeah, that’s just kind of fun to click. It doesn’t really do anything. I just like the tactile sensation. All right, well, you guys think it over. I’m gonna go off to my day job, head writer of the “Frasier” reboot. We’re working on a particularly ribald episode, where Frasier confuses a cabernet for a merlot. (laughs) All right, see ya, guys. (team laughing) – Ribald. (throat clearing) Wow, okay, well. Got a lot to think about. (team laughing) – Capitalism, thanks for subscribing and clicking that bell. – You know what time it is? – [Audience] Hi, we’re Mythical Beasts, and we’re in Philadelphia at the Good Mythical Tour. And it’s time to spin the Wheel of Mythicality! – Whoo! (audience cheering) – Only two more shows left this weekend in Texas. Come see us. And click the top link to watch us try to guess which famous twin is which in “Good Mythical More.” – And to find out where (wheel rattling) the Wheel of Mythicality’s gonna land. Signed copies of “The Mythical Cookbook” are back. Go to mythical.com to get yours while supplies last. (no audio)