YouTube Video ID: D5vtrM22kuw
Episode Post Date: May 15, 2026
GMM Episode Number: 3045
Transcript
Can a burger be too thick? Let's talk about that. Good Mythical Morning. Life is all about balance, how much sleep you get, how often you buy yourself a little treat, canceling Ear Biscuits to help reduce the number of men with podcasts. Food is also all about balance, but what's the perfect balance of ingredients in some of our favorite foods? It's time for Achieving Nomvana: Finding the Perfect Food Ratio. Let's get started with a burger, why don't we? Yes. We have what we're calling a regular burger here in the middle, four ounces. We've got just a teeny-weeny one and a half ounce over here, and a full pound of meat. Look at that, 16 glorious ounces of heavy meat. It, I mean, it's so photogenic, but let's- It looks great. Let's wait to try to wrap our minds and mouths around it. So Colby, how did you arrive at this four ounces? I mean, even McDonald's has the Quarter Pounder. Um, and you know- Okay ... they're the authority on everything, so. That's right. Okay, there you have it. Hold the plate, please. Just in case you w- oh, I'm afraid I'm gonna get my fingers cut. Now let's just say up front, your boys like a smash burger more than any other burger. Yep. And meat is handled differently on those. It's very thin, and then you can double or triple it up. But we're just saying this is not a smash burger. This is traditional burger. Just true. And you only get one piece of meat on this burger. Yep. Them's the rules. Can't be doubling up. Link, you forgot your tomato. Oh, it fell off by accident, Colby. Mm-hmm. It's reasonable. I can reason my way through it. I taste meat. Whoa. I taste cheese. Did you cut me? Maybe. But the meat r- is really coming through, you know? Like- And you want that. You want it, yeah. But the cheese is not hidden. Right. There's a reason that it works. I mean, you wanna give it a shot? It's, I lubed it up with some mayo. Good. Yeah, there we go. Break it, break it down. I mean, is there any burger at all in there? Okay. It's like a button burger. Look at how sad it is 'cause it just ... It's so little. You know, it's for somebody easing in or easing out of meat. Whoops, whoops. It just kinda looks like someone- Hmm ... 'c- 'cause I'm gonna bite from over here. Half of that bite was no burger. Obviously, this, this is not it, the answer. These ingredients are good, Colby. Man, we cooked that beef like we were at Korean barbecue, just. Done. Mm-hmm. Well, it's good. You did a good job. But- It just ain't enough of it. But- And no one's shocked. Do you want... Do you want? I'll hold the plate. We had to put this one in the oven. It took way too long in the pan, so we needed the, the extra heat. It's like cutting through a tree. You got to lumberjack it. Whoops. What? Oh. Oh. Goodness. I mean, this is just like- That's a lot of meat-a. It's like meatloaf between buns. Can you get your whole mouth on it, Rhett? Yeah. Oh, 'cause you know I c- I can. But then what? It's like a softball. It's good. It's good, but every- I just feel like I gotta bow out. I love meat so much. Everything that I was eating- I'd just eat it straight ... around the meat is gone, so I'm just eating a meatball now. Yeah. I've been known to go in and sneak just the meat of a burger. It's too much. I usually eat a burger, and then I go and just eat meat. This is crazy. But I will say, it just becomes meat. If you're gonna do this, just d- do a quadruple burger. Have you ever ordered that from, like, like, a quadruple- Whopper? Yeah ... Whopper? Yeah. Only on this show. How do we get to a place where a triple Whopper is not unreasonable? You know what? Because people will make burgers at home, and they will be more burger than that. Well, Link, the answer to that question is that we gave ourselves everything that we wanted. Everything that we asked for, we answered with a yes, and we did it repeatedly over many, many years and many, many decades and many, many generations. Yeah. And now it's just all a blur of empty pleasures. Mm-hmm. I have to eat this like a apple. That's just a weird way to bite a burger. It's too much meat. Too much pleasure becomes pain. It becomes just empty. Where's the regular? This. Is it here? It becomes a vacuum. This burger sucks. Like a vacuum. It's too much of a good thing. We've got to ste- don't even touch it. Let's go up a little bit. Could you double that? Could you double a classic? I feel like if I'm gonna do a regular burger- No ... not a smash burger, I wanna do a little bit bigger. Get out of my mouth. But I don't wanna- Let go I don't wanna leave regular zone. Yeah. I wanna be on the high side of regular, the big side of regular. Mm-hmm Sounds like a country album. I'm glad we tried that, but I'm empty. Mozzarella sticks. This is what I would expect, and then you've got this behemoth over here. Good gosh. And this one that got flat. What happened, Colby? Uh, you're looking at the single-breaded mozzarella stick. Uh-huh. There's a reason the standard is two. So you're saying the structural integrity of these has been compromised? Mm-hmm. Basically, the oil touches the cheese and makes it all dissolve. So this is one dredge? Mm-hmm. And what's the normal? Two. And what's that? 10. One, two, 10. There's something I might like about this. I know. It has a very just fried cheese feel to it. Mm-hmm. You ever just fry cheese in a pan? It's not a problem. No, but I, I will now. Just put some shredded cheese in the pan. Low heat. Oh. Yeah. Shredded cheese. Throw a little Frisbee. Mm-hmm. You gonna tell them about the, the disc? Oh, he knows about my disc. The disc? You know about Rhett's disc? The one in microwave disc. Oh, yeah, yeah. He's, he hadn't been sending you disc pics? The Ritz cracker. Oh, man. The Ritz crackers. Yeah, you know about it. That's right. How could I forget? But that's a microwave. That's not- Mm-hmm ... on the pan. I like that. I like it 'cause I'm, I'm mostly about the cheese when it comes to this. Yeah. So we might end up in this place. We could. And we don't mind that they deflate. So did you actually make this one, too? Mm-hmm. You didn't just buy it? Yeah, just a, just a house-made double dredge. Okay. I mean, that's nice. Cuts through. Your teeth get right through it. Like you said, there's a reason why you double dredge. Yeah. But I, you know, if I could have this amount of dredge but that structure, maybe there's some place in here that we haven't explored yet. But the dredge has a taste, and it's good. It's good, but I just like the cheese so much. I do understand what you're saying. But what about this big daddy? That just looks like a Twinkie. I'm so scared. I'm so scared. Well, I wanna dip. Did you weigh this? Good God. I mean, this is, this is three pounds. We went up a logarithmic scale. It's- I, I'm gonna cut- My ba- That, that wasn't funny, my fault. No, no. No, no. It was incredibly funny. Um, I just think it was accurate. Oh. What? Did it get through? It has I mean, I can see the layers. It's, a scientist, like millennia from now, could analyze this. Whoa. What's wr- what's the problem? What's the problem, boblem? What? It's not cooked around the cheese. Ugh. It's like a, it's like a raw matzah ball in there. Why, why, why, why, why'd you do this to us? Well, because you had to know. I don't think I wanna eat that. That's so good though, man. The only thing this adds is structural integrity. Is there ... There's gotta be a way. Yeah, I'm going back here. I, I like the, the flatness of it. I, me, me too. I like the flatness. Let's go all the way. I was thinking the same thing. I like ... It just feels like- Just a little hint. It's, it's healthier ... it's deconstructed mozzarella sticks. Flat sticks. That's where we're landing. We've done it. We're going all the way. One dredge. Easy, easy, take it easy. How much jelly should you put inside a jelly donut? Can you explain the type of jelly donuts that we have? Like, if this is just normal, it's still a pretty flat donut. You know, I, it ... The homemade quality of it. I, I don't even know how to make a donut at home. It's a yeasted donut, so it's kind of grandma style, but you make the dough, and then you let it sit for the first rise, shape it, second rise, fry it, and then you fill it after you fry. And you fill this with an ounce of jelly. Just an ounce, yeah. Mm. I do like. That is nice. Mm. Yeah, I, I like kind of the homemade vibes of it. Mm-hmm. That's a nice ratio because I like both of those things. Now, let's come down here to- I wanna eat another. I'm gonna wait. This is just a fifth as much. Mm-hmm. 0.2. 0.2 ounces. Just a little smattering. Will we even get to the jelly in a bite? Well, I kind of went to the middle, so I did. Well? I mean, I like dough. Mm. When you don't have jelly, you still have a donut. Yeah, but you ordered a jelly donut. Mm-hmm. But with this, you get both. No, you don't. You hardly get any jelly. That doesn't count as jelly. You get a jelly donut and just a non-jelly donut. All in one. But I didn't get a jelly donut. This- I did in the very middle ... this is an abomination. No, it's just a donut. But it's not a jelly donut. So on the scale of jelly donut to jelly donut, it's doesn't even count, so therefore is an abomination. I mean, you really just threw donuts under the bus. I like plain donuts. Well, so do I, but that's not what this is. This is a plain donut with a teeny bit of jelly on it. That calls itself a jelly donut. It's masquerading, you know what I'm saying? Just because someone- You don't like to be lied to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? I'm fine with getting lied to as long as I, I still taste bread. Like, do you tell people that you are a professional DJ? Ha. Ooh. What? I mean, I'm just trying to come up with an analogy . Well, try again. I mean, you don't say I'm a professional DJ. I- Just like I don't say I'm a professional musician. We're amateur amateurs. I call myself a bedroom DJ. Okay. Or hobbyist. Yeah. This is a hobbyist donut. But I don't D- I do DJ in the bedroom. Thanks for asking. It's important. Okay. I'm gonna pick this back up. I think I'm gonna like this. I mean, h- what's the ... How much more? Uh, three ounces, so three times the standard. Oh. Oh, look at that. It herniated. Ew, gross. Dude, come on. It couldn't even contain itself. Is this literally jelly? Mm-hmm. I've never thought of jelly in a donut as being, like, literal jelly. What'd you think it was? I don't know, man. Well, he was using the logarithmic scale. Oh, yeah. Mm-hmm. Okay, it's too much jelly 'cause it literally popped out. That's too mu- But if I order a jelly donut, I don't want less jelly than normal. Of course. I think this might be the perfect amount of jelly. I, I know what's coming, so I'm not gonna die on this hill 'cause I'm ready to fight- Could you- to the death for something that's happening a little later. Hold on, because you're gonna say this. You're gonna be like, "Yeah, this ... "'Cause it's still a donut." No, no, no. I'm saying I agree with you wholeheartedly. Okay. But what I'm about to say- That if you order a jelly donut, go all the way because- No, no, no, no if it squirts out, just don't eat it. You can control how much jelly. You're getting your money's worth. No, I- You're getting more jelly for the buck. No, because when my donut herniated- Don't say that again ... then I had to just suck on jelly, and I didn't order jelly. I ordered a jelly donut. I want every bite to be jelly donut. So is this an abomination to jelly? No, but it's somewhere right here is what I'm saying. I'm just saying s- I want it heavy, but I want it somewhere between regular and heavy. I agree so much, and I want you to remember- No, I- ... how much I agree with you right now ... no, now you adjust it how you see fit. I just w- I, I want you to remember that I agree with you so much right now. But, but wa- watch this. You'll, you'll appreciate this. Chicka-chicka. Chick, chicka- chick, chick, chick, chicka- chick, chick. That's 'cause of the DJ thing. I know. That didn't hurt my feelings. I was trying to encourage you. No. Whenever we go on adventures, we vlog about it, and then we post it over on the Mythical Sux- Suc- Society. Yeah, it's so suxciting- ... over there. Uh, we went to Texas, and we investigated is everything truly bigger in Texas. We had a lot of fun. We posted it on the Mythical Society exclusively, so go check it out. Okay, now we've got shrimp fried rice, and Colby, you determined that about a half pound of shrimp- is what we needed in a bowl of, of shrimp fried rice- Yeah ... for normal. You're, you're telling me a shrimp fried this rice? Colby. You gotta give us a warning. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12, 13- So are you going on, like, the, um- 14 the P.F. Chang's website? Oh. How are you going, how are you going about this? Just about the ratio to rice to shrimp, like, visually. So for this size of bowl, about a half pound of shrimp is, like, one serving size. Okay. So I mean, we kinda know what each bite's gonna taste like. I mean, it's just the problem with the bowl over here next to me is that there's one shrimp in it and I just did- I hate to break it to you, but. That's horrible. That, that over there. It's basically just rice. See, once you get through this first layer of shrimp, I'm trying to figure out, like, let's pretend these are gone. 'Cause I just, I mean- 'Cause once you start- Sometimes you just wa- oh, another shrimp. Once you start digging, yeah, you want some bites without shrimp, but the thing that I do is I start to ration my shrimp because I want a shrimp in every, I want half of a shrimp in every bite. And maybe that happens here. I want some rice bites just to build myself up- But, but I also- ... for wanting another shrimp bite ... I like a full shrimp bite. Well, go to the next bowl where we got a pound of shrimp. I might want one rice bite in, in my meal. Maybe two. But not half and half. This is- Generous ... g- generous shrimp to me already. Yeah. And I, and I'm appreciating it. Like, for takeout I do think, I do think you've gone above and beyond. Now, what about this one? Where's the rice? Who cares? Ooh. Oh, it's so much shrimp it's just wet on the bottom. There's- How many grains of shrimp? There's no... A pound. How many grains of, how many grains of rice would be easier to count. I mean- Like, I mean, I thought that there would be some rice under there. It's just a shrimp bowl. The, the rice that you see is all the rice that there is. Colby, that's crazy. Does the rice have any more shrimpy flavor in the more shrimp bowl? Just the rice. What? Just the rice in there? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Just the rice. 'Cause the, the shrimp get cooked and then the rice in the shrimp oil, so there should be more shrimp flavor in the rice itself too. Oh. In, in this one? Mm-hmm. In all of them. Well, in this one I just have eight grains of rice. See, I love the, the rice. I'm coming back to just rice. I love rice. This is too much shrimp for me already. But y- I don't order shrimp fried rice. But the sh- th- but this is an abomination in your book. Oh. 'Cause you're not ordering rice. I would be very mad if I ordered shrimp fried rice and I got this. I'm saying this is what I want in theory. I'm just telling you how much I like rice. I thought this is what I wanted, and now that I've gotten it- It's too much. It's what you were saying early. Or- You want that? You thought you wanted that? No, it's what you were saying earlier. Once I get what I want, I realize that I shouldn't have had it. Yeah. Ex- the excesses of life. Your bread's too soft and your pillow's too buttery, or whatever the- Mm-hmm ... it's, other way around. Exactly. The Buddhist saying. Yeah, something like that. Yeah. You know what? You gotta sometimes, sometimes it ca- Sometimes you gotta chop wood and carry water ... it's not gonna be 68 degrees inside all the time. Sometimes it's gonna be 69 degrees inside. Did you ... But you did move it here. I did not touch it because I Listen- I think this is perfect, which I think is a little bit more than regular ... a little bit more than normal? Mm-hmm. But I feel like we should respect the Colby scale. I mean, he's calling this normal. Yeah. This is what we're ... So you're just saying you like what he said was normal, which you think is a little bit more than normal. And now I just need to eat rice. And, uh, this is technically too much rice, too much, uh, shrimp for me. But I don't feel like I- So you wanna go here. I just feel like I need some easy full rice bites. Shrimp cholesterol. Yep, right. You're right. I mean, y- yeah. I agree with you ... we, there's too much shrimp here. So here we are. 'Cause cholesterol. I never thought I'd be saying it. Yeah. For all the reasons. You wa- you wanna deprive yourself. You wanna ... Moderation is a key component of appreciation. Correct. So I actually want to deprive myself of shrimp. So every time you encounter a shrimp, it's a, it's a little surprise. It's like the first time. Yeah. Yeah. It's taking the long, taking the long play, the long game. Well, yeah, but we paid for, for, we paid for shrimp, though, in, in this scenario where we've ordered it. Right. We don't want the, the waiter to teach us a lesson with one shrimp. That's not what we're paying for. We're paying for shrimp, not lessons. If I get too many shrimp now, I'm leaving them. I'm, throwing them over the shoulder. This is good. This is where we are. Never thought we would be here, but here we are because we are maturing. Right. This is what I've been waiting for. We talked about it last time we did this. How many chocolate chips should be in your chocolate chip cookie? What is the, what's the ratio here? So- There's 35 chocolate chips in that cookie, and it weighs 60 grams, so like a quarter of the cookie is chocolate. Wow. Maybe a little less. This is a good-looking cookie. That is immaculate. Oh, that's a good cookie, Colby. Colby, that's a good cookie. I've been on record for years- ... saying that my dream cookie is a chocolate chipless chocolate chip cookie, but that is still a good cookie. Well, over here on this extreme, Link, it looks like we have two chips per cookie. Well, I, you know, I, I see a few more. There's like, there's, there's one right there Here, take this one one right there. There's one right there 'Cause I've got, mine's got two. Oh, yeah. I used to eat soft batch cookies. Um, I'd bring those into, to school, and occasionally there'd be a soft batch that would only have one or two. And sometimes I would eat around the chocolate chips. Most of the time. You know, it's a pretty good bite, but you know what it needs? Mm. Chocolate chips. Mm. Oh, my God. That, that bite didn't have any chocolate in it, and I'm so happy. That bite didn't have any chocolate in it. I'm so happy. Mm. You just, you don't like chocolate chip cookies. Let's just be honest here. I like the cookie part of a chocolate chip cookie. That's not chocolate chip cookie. That's just cookie. This one has one chocolate chip in it, and that's shocking, but it's nice to mix it up a little bit. Let's come over, let's go overboard for a second. Mm. 70 chips- I can't do it ... per cookie. This is twice as many. I can't do it. The fact that there are lots of places that do this tell me that there's a, there's a market for it. I'm the market. You're just putting binding agent for chocolate chips. It's so decadent. It's so rich. Too much. Um, okay, Link, I had a feeling that- This is the best- ... we were gonna come to a sticking point ... cookie I've ever had in my entire life. So what we did for you- This is so perfect ... is we actually found a place in Los Angeles called Sweet Lady Jane that makes a chocolate chipless chocolate chip cookie, but they're not crazy and evil enough to call it a chocolate chipless chocolate chip cookie. They call it the Plain Jane cookie because they, like me, know that this is not a chocolate chip cookie. It is just a dough cookie. But you know what it's not? It's not a sugar cookie. I did not know they made this. I've never been to this place. It's not a sugar cookie, obviously, because a sugar cookie with chocolate chips is not a chocolate chip cookie. Right, Colby? Mm-hmm. What makes a chocolate chip cookie- It needs chocolate ... without the choc- What's the other thing that makes it a chocolate chip cookie? The dough, but you're arguing that the dough makes it. The, I'm just saying, I'm asking you. Mm-hmm. Tell him, Colby. I'm just asking you what is in the cookie that makes, that makes it different than other cookies? Chocolate chips. Like, what's the difference between sugar cookie dough and chocolate chip cookie dough outside of chocolate chips? Brown sugar. Mm-hmm. What else? You could brown the butter if you want. That's about it. A sugar cookie versus a brown sugar cookie. Mm-hmm. You see where this goes? You see how this discussion just devolves? So you would call it a brown sugar cookie? Well, I'm telling you right now, this is great, but yours is better. I will give it to you. This is still a chocolate chip cookie. But if 90% of the bites that I take of this thing do not have chocolate chips in them, then 90% of my experience is a chocolate chipless chocolate chip cookie, which is not a chocolate chip cookie 'cause it cancels itself out. It's just a plain cookie. And if 90% of my experience is a plain cookie- But you can't just call it- ... then it's a plain cookie But you have to- ... not a chocolate chip cookie But you have to call it something because- An abomination. No. I- We've been here before. Your almost chocolate chipless chocolate chip cookie is the best cookie I've ever had on the planet. I really admire what you're doing, Sweet Lady Jane, and this is great, but- The cookie's better. Mm-hmm. Thank you. It's greasier. It also tastes more like, um, the dough from a chocolate chip cookie. Yes. Mm-hmm. And which is exactly- This feels like it's becoming a different type of cookie. I, I think, I think- Yeah what they did is they lost their metal when they made it. They didn't go all the... They altered something to make something that is between a snickerdoodle and a chocolate chipless- Yeah ... chocolate chip cookie, whereas this is perfect. With a, with a cookie this size, I want a chocolate chip in every third bite. That's it. That's what I want, and that's what, that's what I've determined. And I'm so happy right now- Okay ... eating this. I don't want it to be over. All right. So remember that. I don't care if anybody agrees with me. So- But I know people do. So- And they'll let me know in the comments ... having tried this one and then this one- Hmm these bites were incredible, but I found myself wanting to return to a normal ratio. Oh. So I found myself wanting to come back here. Oh. You, you want it to be right here. It's so good. So- Don't let it be over ... we will, uh, compromise the collective scale- See, and I'm kinda eating around that chip so it's now- is in between here ... I've got this perfect bite that has the perfect ratio for me for my final. Just have a li- it's just has a little bit of chocolate in it. Oh, man. And do you like the chocolate? I like the surprise of a little bit of chocolate. Well- He needs some milk ... we disagreed. We disagreed, but that puts us right here in between easy and regular is where we have landed. Thank you so much. And you can take these home with you. Thank you so much. I want to take this home. You can take this just dough home with yourself. Oh, I, when I eat the dough, I spit out the chocolate chips, except every fourth bite. Thanks for commenting and sharing this video. You know what time it is. Hi, I'm Liz from Phoenix, and I'm eating chocolate chipless cookie dough, and it's time to spin the Wheel of Mythicality. Yeah. I mean, somebody's gotta do it. Yeah. It makes some people happy, like me, and I am so happy. He's so happy because he has a huge announcement that he's about to deliver in three, two, one. I was lying about the whole thing. I love chocolate chips. It's just a bit. Click the top link to watch us create our ideal cereals in Good Mythical More. Unlock access to our new vlogs at mythicalsociety.com.