(rooster crows) (lion roars) (heavy thud) (wheel ticking) – All right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, welcome to “Good Mythical More.” We’re gonna’ roll some pizza dough in the weirdest ways we know. – But first we’re going to check our voicemail. – Okay. – This is very overdue, I actually haven’t checked in months. – [Voicemail] How do you know when a joke is a dad joke? When the punchline is a parent. (laughing) – How do you know when a joke is a dad joke? Because the punchline is a parent. (Rhett laughs) – Okay, Gus, it was a blast watching you make those ridiculous orders. – It was fun. – And we also learned in the process… You told us that you worked at a pizza place. – Yup, I did. I literally worked at The Pizza Place. That was the name of it. – Hah, what? – Yeah, I don’t know how you phone that one in, it could be anything it doesn’t even need to sound Italian. – What are we gonna call it? – The Pizza Place. – Where was this? – This was back in my old small town in Wisconsin. – You’re not going to shout out the town? – I’m not, I mean, I dunno. – You’re trying to keep it. – I’m keeping it on the D-L. (Rhett and Link laugh) – He’s not gonna talk about his town. – It’s easy to find, there’s a thousand people there. – Was it just T-H-E? – Everybody knows it’s true. – Or did they go like, T-H-A Pizza Place? – No, it was not, it was just The Pizza Place. Just full white bread boring name of that type. – And, and you did what there? – I did everything. I was rolling, – Everything you say. – I was delivering, I was ringing customers up and stuff. Like, it was an all events kind of situation. – How much pizza did you eat? – I ate just so much pizza, ’cause the thing is the second it gets wrecked I mean, it’s up for grabs you know. – Okay. – And unfortunately stuff gets wrecked all the time if you make pizza. – Like if there’s like one those big burnt bubble things. – The big bubble things? Yep you can’t sell those. If there’s like, if the toppings are too sparse and it just gets a little burn by the crust you can’t sell ’em. The owners– – Can’t you just shove more toppings on that burnt spot and seal it off. – I mean if I was– – like a spackle or something? – If I was the business owner, I probably would have done it for like, financial reasons but they just were like, “No, make a new pizza.” – Do you know that thing they have at– – What is this? – I think they have it at Papa Johns but maybe they got it at other places where– – Oh the tractor. – They roll it on there to keep the pizza bubbles from happening. – Yeah dude, the tractor thing with the little… – It pokes a bunch of little holes in the dough. – The cogs, yeah – It’s like a Garden Weasel? – It is a little Garden Weasel – It’s a Garden Weasel for your pizza, it’s a pizza weasel. – [Link] All right so, oh that’s slimy. – [Gus] Is this real cold? – [Link] I think you might need to flour your hands up first. – Oh yeah, get a little… – Tell us. – Get a little panache on the fingers there all right. Gold Medal, okay. – Oh, you got a problem with our flour choice? – That’s fine, I can work with that. (Link laughs) Gotta use this real liberally here all right? – Gus made one more additional phone call that didn’t make it into the episode to Round Table Pizza and we posted it on the Mythical Society, go check that out mythicalsociety.com. I think it may have been the most hilarious exchange that you had. – Yeah, that was my favorite. – To make the divorce? – Yeah, divorce pizza. – Divorce pizza. – I made a friend on the phone there too. My boy was pulling for me. – All right, are we just diggin’ in here? – Well, we’re just gonna to take one and then pick something to roll it out. I thought you tossed. – Oh, you can toss definitely. I think primarily you want to start by rolling though. You usually wanna try to get as many bubbles out as you can. – Here Link, take that one and put it on your flour. – See like if I was actually diving in, and I will re-crimp this, I would kinda go and I would just do a little bit of this. – Look at that! – Kinda get a little bit of crust stuff out here. – [Link] Yes Gus! You know what you’re doin. – Come on! Hey, this is bad dough, this is not on me. – See that right there? – I think its ’cause it’s wheat dough. – Oh, it’s wheat dough? – Yeah. We didn’t make healthy pizzas where I came from, we made bad ones. Let’s fix that up. – You said you were crimpin’. – You gotta crimp, you gotta give a little bit of room there for the crust there usually. – [Rhett] Okay, but what about the roller blade? – All right, let’s get that roller blade in here. – You gonna roller blade it? – Yeah. – [Link] That’s workin’. – [Gus] I mean in a way it’s doing what the tractor is supposed to do so that’s pretty good. – Oh I’m kinda– – Oh you gotta little folding – I got it! You gotta just roll that right out, right out of the calzone territory. You wanna get all the wheels on it. – That’s good, good spread. – What’s your go-to pizza order? – Ah man, you gotta go with just the pepperoni and jalapeno. – Oh, classic. – With a side order of medium buffalo wings, dude. (Rhett laughs) – Medium buffalo wings? – Halved pepperoni on half of the pizza? – Yeah. – And you said that Domino’s is your choice? – Domino’s is my choice, here’s the thing I have the huge complaint. Whenever I go to social events and stuff, everybody messes up the pizza order. You go to a place, you go to a party, you’re always gettin’ pizza, and there’s always people that are just throwin’ in stuff. Like, we gotta get one with asiago cheese and onions and stuff. No! – No. – Onions and stuff. – It’s so easy, you don’t even have to go Domino’s. Domino’s has a deal where you can get two medium two-topping pizzas for $5.99 each as long as you get at least two of ’em. – Give ’em the U-R-L. – Get, I mean Jesus, I should have a brand link here. They’re not a sponsor but– – Domino’s Pizza dash Gus – That’s it, twenty percent off baby. But just get the cheap ones. – What’s poppin’? (toy clatters) What’s poppin’ over here? – How’s this working? – I’m not actually getting much poppin’ happen. – You need some more flour on that, that’s why? – What, what is this anyways? Is this supposed to be like a Push Mower for children? – It makes children feel like they’re doing something and they’re not actually doing anything. – But, children can get a mower. This is more of a, it’s just a, there’s no… – Yeah, give your kids a mower instead. – This is like my first chore, right there. You indoctrinate ’em young and they’ll wanna do manual labor for ya. – I think it’s more like a vacuum cleaner than a mower. – I think it teaches them that all this amounts to nothing except some balls poppin’ around. – [Woman] Oh wow, I’m really loud right now. – There’s a popper, oh, this is workin’ now! – Oh dude, that’s doin’ better than the blade. – [Woman] What are your current pizza orders? I’m most interested in Link. What is your current pizza order? – Sausage. (audience laughs) Maybe onions. – Ooh. – That’s it. – You got stank pizza, that’s no good. – Stank pizza? – That’s not social pizza, that’s private, at home watching AMC pizza right there. (Rhett laughs) – That’ll do, I don’t need you! I don’t need you and your pizza! – I’ll stay on the other side of the room. – Sausage and a little bit of onions for my stank pizza and if you can stuff some cheese in the crust, please do. – That’s pretty good too. – Cheese stuffed crust! – Here’s the deal. I think there are two different kinds of people when it comes to pizza orders. There are people who have very strong opinions about them, and there are people like me who are surrounded by people with very strong opinions about pizza, who are just like you know what, I don’t care whatever you guys want. – That’s fair. – This passes the test, put that in the save pile. – But pepperoni and mushroom, if I was just by myself, I’d throw some jalapenos on there. – See I would do that too, usually what I do is, I keep a little bottle of Tapatio as my little side piece there so I can (exhales sharply) you know, just slap ’em on each bite. I put Tapatio on everything. – What about Cholula? – Cholula’s good but it’s mostly good for eggs. – Happy Cotton Candy Day daddies! – Hi Randy. – Hi, what are you guys doin’? – Oh we’re just rollin’ pizza dough with different things that you probably shouldn’t roll pizza dough with. – Oh heck yeah, you wanna hear a sweet nothing? – Yeah. – Okay. (Randy breathes) I wanna remake “Sister, Sister” starring you and me. (audience laughs) – That sounds like a great idea. – I want to lure you out to international waters where our country’s laws don’t apply. (audience laughs) – Hey I got something you guys could do pizza with. – What’s that, Randy? – It’s here in my pouch. (rattling) It’s a necklace made of bones and eyes. – Good. – I made it to get married in, but I’ve been doing some soul searching and I’ve decided I don’t believe in monogamy anymore. (audience laughs) – All right have fun rolling pizzas daddies. – Thank you Randy. – Bye guys, I’ll see you later at kissing practice. – Okay, all right. – Now the interesting thing is I feel like Randy– – Kissing practice. – Definitely gave us fake eyeballs, but he gave us real… – These are antlers. – He gave us real antlers. – Okay yeah. – These are either some brow tines or some juvenile bucks right here ’cause these are the smallest antlers I’ve ever seen. He killed some baby deer for this exercise. – These are the Cabella Buck Lamp rejects right here. You know what, it’s tractoring it though. – It is tractoring it. There’s gonna be no bubbles in this dough. – It’s a safe one. – I got a floured up worm, you want it? – Yeah, I’ll take that, you got a little eye piece in here though. Can’t be digesting that. – I’m surprised Randy didn’t bring us these. Gus, you do the honors. – All right. – Because I don’t know how we would do an honor. – We’re gonna put a hand on every finger here all right? – Okay, okay, okay. – Can I get some of those? – There you go, go for it. – This is good for like those artisanal crusts you know, where they got that lil’ crimpin’ on the edge? – Oh yeah, that’s a good idea. – This is like pie crust, you know, take that fork and go along the edge here. – Oh yeah. – This is how Mama used to make it. – Go in there and Mama would be down, she would be down on all fours, just (growls). – Hands off my pie god dang it! – Oh we’re goin’ double handed. – Double, do we have enough? – Yeah, that should be good. Oh boy, these are tight. – That’s good. – This feels wrong. – How’d you get it on there, okay. – All right, let’s crimp some edges here. Link’s got a good clean dough here. – Thank you, thank you. – Look you can crimp the edge. – I pride myself on my clean dough. – Can you do one of the… (taps fingers) – One of these? – With my right hand, I think. – With your right hand? I can do it on the left. Look, you get the little Henry Ford, assembly line situation going on here. – I’m going right hand. – You can just go right around the whole pizza. – [Link] Oh, oh, oh, we Henry Ford it? – That’s pretty good. – Wow, yeah. It’s nice, it’s ooh, it’s just– – I can just go everywhere with it. – Do you think you could do a little mini toss of the pizza pie with these? – I love how you’re putting everything in the form of a question but I can tell you’re pretty much tellin’ me to do it. – (laughs) I am. – You’d be a good teacher. – I’ll do anything. – I’m leavin’ it open. – Anything you say guys. – At your pace. There, that’s pretty good. – You kinda, ooh okay. – That’s the good stuff. – Okay. – You gotta get a spin. See there you go, now you’re gettin’ that girth in there. – It’s all about the, oh okay. – It kinda reduced in size. – That’s all right, that’ll be the little bread bites on the side. – Oh, bread bites, bread bites? – Yeah, let’s do a mini version here. – Are y’all sweatin’, I’m sweatin’. – I’m sweaty. – Y’all sweatin’? – Well that flour is gonna stick nice– – My finger tips are. – Oh, this is very difficult. – Now what do you think about a calzone that’s got all the same ingredients as a pizza but then folded over? – I’m gonna tell you right now I don’t like it at all. – Why do you gotta tell him, you telling him, like he don’t what a calzone is. – No, I’m telling him so that the people who are watching who don’t know what a calzone is will know. – That’s fair. – That’s called performance. – I just think it’s inefficient you know. You’re already wasting so many carbs on a pizza, a calzone is double that with less filling, you know? It’s not satisfying. There’s a bunch of bites where you need to take a bite just to get invested into the food. There’s no filling on the edge. – You mean bread only bites. – Yeah, yuck waste of time, I don’t eat the crusts. – At Papa Johns they got this new thing… – Yeah it’s the Papa… – What’s it called? – Papadilla. – Papadilla! – Papadilla. – It’s just pizza and they didn’t even close it up. They just folded the pizza and said it’s a new product. – Yeah that’s weak. – Have you guys seen the commercials for this thing? The Papadilla, it’s just folded pizza. – That’s what they’re called. – I don’t need the papa to fold my pizza for me. – It’s a waste. – I thought you were just talking about Anthony’s new channel. – I was gonna say! – Ohhh. – Every time I see Anthony, he is like call me Papadilla. I just am not comfortable with it yet. – You’ll get used to it. Yeah dude, I’m not a calzone boy, though. I don’t know what the heck they were thinking with the Papadillas thing, it’s a bad move, you know. – What else do we have? You used the worm? How did that come out? – Well it did more to the worm. I betcha I could maybe create like, a slingshot situation. I could throw you some dough with my worm. – We good, a little David and Goliath there. – Here we go, here we go Link, you ready? (audience laughs) – One more try, one more try. Well, that really shot out of there. – That’s okay. We’ll put that one in the oven a little longer, kill the germs. – What about just one of these, you know? – See that’s the simple thing. – Use a little merch you know, its a little merch. – How about a pool stick and we could do two at the same time? if I had dough over here, but I do have a worm. – Uh oh, these pin ridges are gonna kill you though. – Yep, yep. – Just push down on it, push down hard. – You gotta see-saw go back and forth. – You get a little bit. – There we go. – And then I get a little bit. – You get a little bit. – That’s pretty clean. – Come back. They ever do this at your pizza shop? – We try not to typically, but you know, if worse comes to worse you gotta break what’s available. – We try not to see-saw. – No see-saw recommended. – Y’all like teamwork? – Nah, nah, we like working individually. There’s not a lot of communication at the pizza shop. – What’s the worst thing that ever happened to you at the pizza place? – Well my county was, at one point in time, the meth producing capital of the United States. That’s an actual fact, you can look it up. – Congratulations. – Thank you man, we really fought hard for that one. But we just naturally, a lot of our deliveries, were genuinely to like drug houses and stuff like that. Absolutely like, we had to carry limited change and stuff. We had to check in on some of the orders and stuff like that. So I have delivered to, honest to goodness, meth houses before, where you walk up to the dude’s house, there’s a cabin in the woods that we’d get orders from sometimes, you go up and you knock on the door, every time (barks), there’s rottweilers running around in there and stuff, and like, the dude has Hazmat suits hanging outside his porch. It sounds like a joke, like a “Breaking Bad” mini movie or something. But like the dude would like come to the door and it reeks of chemicals and he is smoking and he is in one of those like, wife beater tee shirts, you know? – Or he’s completely naked. – Yeah hey you never know, I guess I caught him only on good days. But he would either tip very terribly or exceptionally well. (Rhett and Link laugh) – It’ll average out. – Yeah, just– – Depends on what point of the process he was in. – Yeah so lots of those kind of stories but I don’t know. – Lots of those stories! – Oh, lots of those stories. – But you never felt unsafe. – I never felt unsafe, but I did deliver to a house that had just been broken into one time before, that’s the truth. – Like immediately? – Immediately, I drove up, I’ll tell you what. It was January, I drove up in the winter and it was a house way out of town, and I pull up and there’s a big four by four pickup there and the front door is fully open, it’s probably like ten degrees out. So it’s like all right this is really weird. I walk up to the door and the hinges were busted off, and like, or like, the little lock thing was, you know, the door was open. And I look inside, and there’s a dude, huddled by the fireplace in full winter clothing and he is starting a fire with like, a broken up chair like a piece of equipment. – They broke in and then break a chair. – Yeah and like I go in there and he stands up and he goes, “hey, hey hey wow what’s up?” And I was like “Hey it’s pizza, pizza pie” And he goes like, “Oh, okay” and he’s like “hey” and this boy comes over and he comes out with a backpack and he pulls this Ziploc bag out with a bunch of crumpled up bills in there. And what I found weird was before I left the shop, the girl that took the order was like, “This is weird, they asked for your full name.” And I was like “Hold up, do you know who they were?” (higher pitch) “No I just gave it to them.” (all laugh) Like, what are you doing? So but now I know why. It’s because he takes out this Ziploc bag of cash and he goes and gives me a bill and tips me like thirty bucks. And he goes “Here you go, keep the change Gus Johnson.” – Hah, what! These guys are like the best criminals ever. – It was hush money. – They order a pizza in the middle of a crime. That’s like something you’d see in a movie. – It’s really smart, ’cause it’s like, you can’t raid the cupboards, that would be very disrespectful. – So you just got to order out. – Order out, I like it. – I didn’t tell anybody either, I let years go by before I started telling that story. Because, I was like, they know where I live, I am not risking my life for this minimum wage job to die here. (upbeat music) – Gus Johnson. – Sounds like you might need to change your name, Gus Johnson. – I know, shoot. – [Link] New GMM Mugs, in three different wild styles, are available now at mythical.com