(cock crows) (roaring) (dramatic music) (spinning wheel rattles) – Welcome to Good Mythical More. We’re gonna taste some vegan egg scrambles and also figure out why Rhett won’t eat his wife’s eggs. – Hmm, okay, we’re gonna talk about that. I was hoping you would forget. – But first. – I did not forget. – We’re gonna do a new selfie face. (chuckles) And today’s new selfie is called Tickle Party. (Link laughs) (maniacally laughing) – I gave you some motion for that one. – I think you may have blurred it, okay. – So all right, bring over the, oh my, my chair just went down, did you see that, oop. – (yelps) Oh, gosh, bring a little bit– – So we’ve got a number of vegan eggs that have been scrambled. – [Rhett] Wow, that does not look tasty. – It doesn’t look like, I mean from a distance, it looks like eggs, so we’re gonna taste all these. – It looks like something you get at camp. – And we’re gonna guess what they are. So I’ll go ahead and tell you the brands that we’re working with here, Just, that’s one of them, VeganEgg. – Simple. – That’s another one. Bob’s Red Mill. – Bob’s your uncle. – Vegg Power Scramble, and last but not least, Rhett do the honors. – Orgran Vegan Easy Egg. Is that not a misprint, Orgran? That’s the worst name I’ve ever heard. – Hold on, did you– – It’s like organ. – Yeah, well, it’s not organ. If they took that R out, the second one. – It’s just– It’d be even worse. – It makes me think of organs. – Organs, Organ Vegan Easy Egg (chuckles). You know, it’s made from other organs, but not the eggs. – But vegan. We have nothing to go on, this is stupid. (laughs) – No, it’s not. – But what, you know what– – But you know we’re gonna rank– – We’ll tell you how good they are. – We’re gonna rank them and so even though, we don’t know what it is, it’s we shouldn’t know what it is ’cause that’s part of the blind test, now I’m gettin’– – Did you salt and pepper these, don’t believe he did. – Yeah, this looks like– – [Cameraman] Not a salt and pepper guy. – Good lord. – Nothing about this tastes anything like eggs, it’s just yellow. – It has almost the consistency of a scrambled egg. But it takes like, plant matter. – Yeah, it’s like, mush. – Which is, that’s what it is. – It’s just mush. – So. – I mean. – I’m gonna put that at the bottom of the list. Let’s just assume that it can’t get any worse. – Lets say this is the top. This is the best. – Yeah, yeah, yeah. – Let’s assume it can’t get any worse. And you know what, I’m gonna say, that’s just (laughs). – I mean. – Because it’s just. – It’s just here. – It’s just here. – I have no clue. – Yeah. – All right, oh look, this one’s browner, it looks even worse. – What? That looks like old pudding. – Now, but see, this is helping set up what I want to talk about, which is, I was thinking about eggs in preparation for this episode, I just like sit back and think about things a little bit and I was like, you know what, chickens, what is the deal with chicken eggs? – What is the deal with them, they lay every day. – You lay ’em everyday. And if they’re not fertilized, you can eat ’em. – You can eat ’em. – You can eat ’em even if they’re fertilized, but it’s cooler to eat them when they’re not fertilized. – Yeah, and so over time chickens have been modified by man, genetically modified by men through, and women through breeding. – Yeah. – To make them lay a bunch of eggs all year round and if they’re real– – Are you saying before they were modified, there was an egg season? – Yeah. There was an egg season, like other birds. They only lay eggs at certain times and they give the signals for the male bird to come around and make it something, make it something permanent, like another bird being, what is this like? So it got me thinking– – That is much worse than the first one. I mean, I didn’t think it could get worse. – Oh, slimy, that is– – That is awful. – It’s gelatinous. – It is absolutely awful. – Oh. – Suddenly makes these seem awesome and they put the yellow food coloring in there and everything. – Yeah. This is now, yeah, this is now good, so it got me thinking, if my wife, I’ll just say your wife. – Why do they keep getting browner? – Look at that, that is some nast, I mean what, this is like someone who failed at making a pancake. – Yeah, I’ve seen that many times. – It’s like a pancake remnant. So if your wife could lay eggs. – Well, she can technically. – Like a chicken egg. – But she doesn’t lay them. – Like it was in a shell. And it popped out every morning or every evening. – What the hell? – Would you eat it, it would be better than this, let’s say. – Did you purposely make them get worse as you went? Was that part of it? – Yeah, I know. We thought that was bad. – Well, okay. – It’s like dough. – If she, okay. – It’s so spongy. – Let me ask you a question. Before I answer this question. – It tastes like a chicken egg, okay? – Did you drink your wife’s milk, did you try it one time? – Well, that’s not an appropriate question. – This is three times as bad as the last one. What, how could someone think that this is a good idea? – This is a different thing, this is not even trying to be, this is like dough. – I can’t swallow this one. I cannot swallow this one, that is a first. – It’s horrible, it tastes a little bit like egg. – Don’t dodge the question, did you drink your wife’s milk? – No, did you? – No. I thought about it. – Yeah. Because it wasn’t intended for me, but if as a society we agree, hey, you know what, if– – A lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of guys do though. – If humans can lay eggs. – A lot of guys do try it. – Okay, that’s fine, no judgment. That’s not what I’m talking about, but if it’s an egg, that’s different, because it’s more like chicken. I mean, I guess, it’s not that different. – No, ’cause you, what about a cow? You drink the cow’s milk? – Yeah. – And you didn’t drink your wife’s milk. Why you gonna eat your wife’s eggs? – Well, because the, ’cause it tastes nasty. – You don’t know that, though. – I mean, we tasted another woman’s breast milk on the show. – But we didn’t taste our wives’ egg, our wives’ milk. – And it tasted nasty. – Maybe they got good milk. – Probably not, oh, this one’s got a green hue to it. (sighs) I mean, it kind of looks like the hair on my shirt. – I think if I were to eat a woman’s egg, I think I would rather it come from a stranger, like a woman who specializes in selling her own eggs for either. – You talking about like women and farms? That doesn’t sound right. – No. Like a woman who’s like self employed, like, what do you do? – Like cage? – I sell my eggs. – You’re saying as long as they’re cage free women eggs. – I sell, roadside egg stand. Well she’s actually a roadside eggs-it. (chuckles) – She’s not. – She’s gotta lay ’em for ya. – [Link] Well she, but she doesn’t have to– – How big would they be, I think they’d be bigger than a chicken ’cause a person’s bigger than a chicken. – But smaller than an ostrich. – Yeah, they’d be, it’d be a full meal. Golly, this smells like dog food! (all laughing) It’s just unreal, I’m not bashing on vegan products ’cause I actually I enjoy a lot of them, I like vegan ice cream. – [Cameraman] I think a few of these aren’t supposed to be even scrambled, they’re supposed to be baked with. – Well, that’s evident. (cameraman laughs) – It literally tastes like dog food, too. It’s got that protein-ish, protein shake consistency, but it’s– – That is. Put that one on the end. – No. – I can’t. – No. It’s not as bad as these, as bad as it is, go back and try to taste this. – You think it’s worse than this one? That one doesn’t have as strong of a taste, I think that one’s, I think that one may be the worst, I’d put that in between it. – This one’s like gooey bread, this is like, but it tastes horrible, so we’re gonna do that and we’re putting this back at the top, we thought it was the bottom. – It is a little different though. because it’s from a human. – If it’s culturally. If it’s culturally accepted to eat human unfertilized eggs, then I think everybody would get on board. – Here’s why I don’t think it is. – Okay. – Well not only because it’s just a different kind of egg, but also you already eat the chicken, too. You’re already eating the thing that makes the egg, we don’t eat other people. – No. – So why should we start drinking their milk and eating their eggs? – But, an unfertilized egg is just in a chicken, it’s mostly just the just the nutrients that, if it were to be fertilized, that the embryo would like eat. – No, but it’s also the DNA of the, of the mother, I mean, it’s got, right? Doesn’t it have everything, doesn’t that egg have what it has to have? – Yeah. – So basically, you’re eating like half of a chicken, this could have been a chicken, but it didn’t, but it’s not, it’s not a chicken because the rooster didn’t come around. – Exactly, so. – Come around being the– – See what I’m saying, you’re starting to think of chicken eggs is nasty. – Hmm. – But you eat them and you enjoy them. So just get in that head space. – But I also– – And eat your wife’s unfertilized egg. – But I also eat the chicken, I haven’t thought of that as nasty. – Now look at this. This one, this one’s got some promise. – This one smells different. – Oh. – This one’s better, this one’s better. – But it’s– – It’s tough to eat. – It’s still horrible. It has a consistency, at first, of eggs and then it’s– – It’s the best one. – It turns into plant mush. It tastes like eating plant mush. – But what I could do with this one is I could put cheese on it. – I mean, this was like a continental breakfast. – I could put cheese on this one. – Like a cheap hotel. – And put some salt and pepper and it could be good. All right, is this the last one? – This one’s better than that one. – Okay. – Oh! – All right. – Fluffy, fluffy. – The current run of Bleak Creek Merch, I’m doing a little announcement now, is going away forever. So it is your last chance to grab that piece of merch that you’ve been eyeing, so go over to mythical.com and pick it up, now one of these is not vegan. And it’s this one. – But this is not good. – It would be fine if it, that’s like Egg Beaters or something like that, I had that, took it on a camping trip one time. – Yeah, it’s definitely the best, I think– – Put some salt and pepper on it’s not bad. – I think this one is better than that one. The first one we ate, I feel like, well first of all, is what we just ate, Egg Beaters, it’s actual eggs? Okay yeah, so we’re right about that. It’s just painfully obvious that none of this stuff can beat Egg Beaters. So, the Egg Beaters, what’s our, what’s our last place? – Well, let’s guess, let’s look at, I can tell you, let’s just look at the packaging and we can figure it out. – Orgran. – Orgran is the one that we like, I believe. I’m just going by the color on the box. – Oh that one, Bob’s Red Mill Egg Replacer, equivalent to 34 eggs. – Now, Bob. We’ve got some Bob’s Red Mill pancake stuff at the house. – I think that’s what this is. – And that’s not bad. – ‘Cause this is like pancakes. – You don’t, you think he didn’t think change the color? You think Bob, he cares that little about making it look like, maybe he does. – Yeah, ’cause this Vegg stuff, Power Scramble, isn’t that a, isn’t that a cute little design? We’re talking like Animal Crossing situation. – I think that the Just over there which is a cool package, I think that is this right here because it just, it looks so like futuristic. – It looks that, yeah, it does look futuristic. – I don’t know I feel like, oh but look at this. So we don’t know where to put that yet, Vegan Egg. – Oh they want you to, they’re trying to fool you into thinking that you’re opening up real eggs. – You open it up. See this is the same situation as this. – And I think it’s this one right here. – Okay. – I think this is it. – Which means we’re putting that, all right, these are our final answers, we feel good about this, can we get a confirmation that we are correct? (drumroll rattling) – [Cameraman] The order that you ate them in is the exact same order that we (chuckling) gave them to you in. – Oh. – Oh so, we were right, no no no no. – [Both] This is Just. – And then. – Vegan Egg, we ate second. I think it, I don’t know. (Cameraman laughing) – I think it was this one. – [Woman] I think I have the answers if we’re looking for answers. – I think it’s that one. – Then that one. – [Woman] This is a confusing way to do things, but your number two spot, next to Egg Beaters, is Orgran. – Yeah right, I think this is the order there. – [Woman] Your number three spot is Just. – Right, uh huh. – [Woman] Your number four spot is Vegan Egg. – Yup. – [Woman] Your number five spot is Vegg Power Scramble. And your number six spot is Bob’s Red Mill. – Mm mm, see this is just for your baking needs, so don’t try to eat this stuff straight. This Orgran, horrible name, you can take the egg, but none of it’s gonna beat a human woman, let’s just be honest. – But the thing about this is, is that this is if you’re making a cake and you want it to be a vegan cake. – Yeah, yeah. – So I feel like we did Bob, we did Bob an– – Just don’t eat it straight, that’s what I said. – A misjsutice. – But this right here. That’s pretty cool. – By the way. I don’t not condone or promote eating eggs of women or the milk of them, either. – I don’t either, it’s just hypothetical. Get our novel, “The Lost Causes of Bleak Creek” in the paperback edition by visiting bleakcreek.com.