(rooster crowing, lion roaring) (wheel spinning) – Welcome to Good Mythical More. Let’s talk baby gifts. Shall we? – Yeah, we shall. But first we’re going to give Erika a $30 mythical.com gift card. There she is! – Erika with a K. She is repping that Merch with #Merchicality. If you do that, you might be our next Merchicality winner. – All right. Well, you clean up real nice. – Thank you. I did not clean. I have a lap full of pasta, and M&Ms, and gummy worms and cheese. – I had to clean my glasses so I could see these baby rattles. – The back of my hands are beginning to seize up because of the crust of M&M candy coating. It’s hardening. – Your cadence- – The candy coating from M&Ms is- The way you’re talking is seizing up as well. We’re going to review some baby shower gifts on a scale of zero to- – One. – Five. Baby rattles. Ironically, we have some baby rattles here. A baby loves the rattle. – We didn’t give our kids rattles. To be entertained by something like this is just, – Yeah, yeah, yeah. – There’s not much to it. – I just felt that the bar for babies was so low that we shouldn’t adhere to that. We gave our babies TI-82s. – Boop, boop, boop. – Yeah, they figured it out. – Graphing calculators. – I remember the first time Locke spelled boobs, with a calculator cause it was, “Five, eight, zero, zero, eight.” And you turn it upside down, “Boobs.” – All day long. – Yeah. – I liked this rattle because one end of it’s soft and one end of it’s hard. – Are we rating that rattle or is that rattle- – [Stevie] No. That’s what I thought. So just hand it to me and take the other one. – What do you mean? How do you rate something with a rattle? – How many rattles. It’s like one rattle, two battles, three rattles. This is our rating system. – I give this rating system rattle zero rattles. – Okay, zero rattles. I give it one. Let’s look at the next product, or as they say the first product. – We got a pacifier here that makes your baby look like- – a duck. (quacking) – What do you think about this? – You gave your children passies? What are the other names for passies? You give your baby a passie yet, Morgan? – [Voice] I’m weaning him off it right now. – Weaning him off the Passy. It took us a long time to wean Lily off the passy. She’s 17 now. – A B word? What is the B word? A binky? – [Voice] Yeah. – A binky. You call it a Binky? What do you call it? – [Voice] Pacifier. – You go full. – Treat the child like an adult. – We had to cut Lily’s pacifier. So when she tried to pacify herself with it, she came to us and she said, “Pacifier’s broken.” And we said, “Well, you want to throw it away?” She said, “Yeah.” – You taught her there was only one pacifier in the world. – She threw it in the trash and we were like, “That’s it.” Next day, she was like, “I want my passy.” And I was like, “It broke and you threw it away.” She cried and she never used a pacifier again. That’s literally how we got her to stop. She was much older than your child. – We got Locke off his pacifier by dipping it in blue cheese. – We’re talking about it like it’s codeine or something. Did he make a funny face? – Yes. And he, to this day, doesn’t like cheese and he blames Jessie- – He doesn’t like cheese at all? – He’s not a big fan of cheese. He’ll eat pizza that’s got cheese on it. If you can get cheese added to something, he won’t do it. I’m like, “Man, why don’t you like cheese? And he’s like, “Mom ruined it for me when she put blue cheese on my pacifier,” He was like two. – Yeah, blue cheese is not all cheese. I think turning your child into a duck is almost as bad as what we did to our kids that we just shared. I’m giving this also zero rattles. – I’m going to give this three rattles because- – You can have it. – What this does for your children, it lets them understand that if they ever develop issues with your family, they can leave and join a family of ducks. And duck mothers, you gotta be careful when you say that, – Not really. Duck mothers. – Duck mothers. – Say it. Say, “Mother ducker” three, see I already did it. Three rattles. These rattles suck. Babies will learn nothing with this. – Just add water, fits most adults. This is an instant under pants canister. – Here it is. (water dripping) – So there’s nothing in here cause you’ve… – [Voice] It’s been in there about four hours. – So this is underpants. What is this like if you’re going on a trip somewhere and you got to make underwear? – Why would you want to make your underwear wet to then put them on? – Take them out of there. I bet you, you can put them- – That’s them. – Oh, this is them? – That’s them. – So we wouldn’t know. – How did they do before you soaked them? – [Voice] It was just like a ball. – It was a ball, like a pill? – [Voice] Took three hours to even begin. – Oh God, it took three hours. – [Stevie] Instant. – Why are you going to give your child some wet underwear. The whole idea is to keep them not wet. Maybe this is just admitting defeat. – [Stevie] Reminder, these are baby shower gifts. – This is not for kids. – [Stevie] Yeah. You give baby shower gifts to the mom, but they could be for the baby, or not. – Don’t give those to your baby, I’m going to give it two rattles just because it’s creative. – I think it takes way too long. I’m going to give it zero rattles. – Your system is, – There’s a whole lot of things still in front of you, by the way. – They’re handing me this. – Well, there’s four products in front of you. – They’re handing me this! I’m just saying just so you know. – I’m the boss of this side of the desk. – Well, I’m the one wearing the golden shower cap. – Here we have babies swaddled in what? What is this? – [Voice] Burrito. – [Voice] Swaddling blanket. – It’s a swaddling blanket that- – makes your baby like a burrito. – Cause if you’re good at swaddling with like a newborn. My swaddling game was on point. My babies always looked edible and I didn’t even have one of these tortilla themed blankets. I think that’s what this is. It’s supposed to look like a tortilla. – Yeah, cause typically you wrap a burrito in a tortilla. – Hold me close and whisper. – I’ll make love to Wilma. – Hold me close and whisper. – I want to tell you something. – Baby Secret, you always come back and you know exactly what to say. – Who’s Wilma. – It’s amazing that Baby Secret still works. – Still ticking. – This thing was already old but that’s what happens when the demon is doing all the work. – Everlasting. – We leave this here. – I have all this in front of me. We should rate that. I rate that- – I give Baby Secret five every time, one, two, three, four, five so she won’t haunt me. – I couldn’t tell that that was a tortilla honestly. – Do you want the demon that is in this doll to follow you home because it will. – I give it zero rattles. (group laughing) – [Stevie] Boy, that shirt you’re wearing Link, I give it five rattles, if that’s the max rattles, I could give it. – Team mythical. Join up at mythical.com. Get yourself this new baseball tee and a stylish pendant. – We’re starting a baseball team. And the way you get on it is you buy this shirt and then we’re all gonna meet in Central Park on May 30th, 2094. – Oh, gosh, someone’s going to remember that. What’s this? – Seventy four years from now. – Safe baby handling tips. Simple diagrams help you appear confident, capable, experienced, and not idiotic because you are not confident, capable, experienced, or non idiotic. – This is actually a really good gift. As you can see in the illustration on the front, the mom is basically trying to tell the dad, “Hey, it’s okay, you can do this. “You can hold this baby.” And I, as a dad, I can say that for the first six months I just felt dangerous. I just was like, “This thing is too small. “My hands are too big.” I needed somebody to tell me that. And I had that exact same haircut. – The wheel on the front is the wheel of responsibility. It lands on either mom or dad. So whenever the baby poops or is crying or something, you could spin the wheel and then decide who has to go take care of the baby. – You can also rig that wheel so that it lands on the partner every single time. – Oh, look at this, “Nursing baby.” Yes, no, – That’s interesting. – Oh gosh, “Lifting baby by the top of the head.” This is comedic. – These are pretty obvious. – Testing baby bottle. So the dad’s always doing the dumb thing and the mom’s always doing the right thing. Well, no, the mom’s doing the dumb thing here. Feeding baby with- – The giant turkey leg – Checking baby’s diaper, correct. Just shove your whole hand in there. – Oh my gosh. – Changing baby’s diaper. Are we going to look at every single page of this? This is demented. Containing baby in a bird cage. – Oh gosh, this is- – It has a water bottle. This is twisted. – Super twisted. – Playing with baby. Yes, no. – Every dad throws their baby as high as they possibly can in the air. You got to get that Instagram picture. – Massaging baby. Now that’s not something when we were coming up any one thought about. I met this one guy who grew up in New Zealand and he was like, “Do you massage your baby?” (group laughing) He said, “Oh, we massage all our babies.” He played rugby. – Who is this? – I can’t remember his name. – He asked you if you massage the baby? Did you start massaging it at that point? – He took my baby and he started massaging it. – That shouldn’t have happened. – He had the baby and he was squeezing the baby’s legs and feet and arms and stuff just instinctively. And he was like, “Oh, I’m massaging your baby.” – And I was like, “Why?” – Just because you’re telling me what you’re doing doesn’t make it okay. – He said, “Back in New Zealand,” I’m giving up on the Australian accent cause I know that’s, Isn’t that what it sounded? – There’s just a couple words in there – Yeah, I’m not good at it. – I think “baby” worked. Just say baby or whatever, again. – Baby. (laughing) Baby. He said that his mom massaged him – And that’s why he’s so flexible. – As a baby, and now he’s a rugby player. – Oh, he’s athletic. – I like this. I’m going to give this 10 rattles. – Off the scale. I do four. I can’t go all the way to five because I feel like it may give people bad ideas. – Baby high heels. This is just stupid. – We’re not even going to acknowledge that. – What is this? This is a baby bottle that looks like a beer. This is classy. – You can sort of imagine the mom or dad that would give this to their baby. There’s probably some other things that go along with it. There’s probably a Jet Ski within 12 feet. (group laughing) These things are only used when – Why you gotta throw Jet Skis under the bus? – I’m not, I’m just saying. I think Jet Skis are super fun. I do think they’re super fun. And I love it when they go on Tik-Tok and they catch footballs from Jet Skis. That’s the thing to throw. There’s so many people with lake houses on Tik-Tok. – I give this- – and they’re out on the lake, they’re on the dock and they throw the football to someone on a Jet Ski. – That’s fun. – That’s nothing but fun, man. How come we don’t do that? Why don’t we go on Jet Skis? – Cause we don’t have a Jet Ski. – Well, you can get one, you can rent one. – or a Lake. We can find a lake. We can rent a Jet Ski. – Not in this state. I give that- – The drought’s over. – Zero rattles. – You think all the lakes went away? – It’ll be back. Baby shusher, the sleep miracle. What is this? You shove this in the baby’s mouth. – The key to the Jet Ski is there’s no brakes. You gotta turn. You gotta accelerate. You got to accelerate to miss things. You just turn it and panic, you just go right into things. You’ll never catch that football. (shushing) – What is this supposed to be? (shushing) (shushing) – You just set that in a room with a baby? – It shushes the baby. Here’s another setting. Oh, just 30 and 15 minutes. – This is the worst idea I’ve ever heard of. – It says it’s a miracle. – So you giving it a zero rattles? – I’m giving a negative rattles. – Shush. Shush. Shush. – First of all, it doesn’t sound like a shush. Second of all, you’re going to create a child who has to constantly be shushed in order to be quiet. – No one likes to be shushed. – A constant shushing? You should break that thing before- – It’s soothing like, “Sh, sh, cha, cha, cha.” – If it was like ocean waves it would be different. – I’m going to give that zero rattles. – I give a negative two. – If you’ve got a baby, good luck with that. Join the starting lineup of Team Mythical with the Mythical baseball tee and pennant flag available at mythical.com.