(rooster cackling) (lion roars) – Welcome to Good Mythical More. What’s the best cracker to pair with your soup. We’ll find out don’t you worry. – But first don’t freak out, but your belly button is a wormhole! – So get your hand out of it! You just lost a finger, see. – I know you like to tickle it! – You didn’t believe us! – You like to tickle it! You like to stick it in and tickle it a little bit, but when you stick it in and tickle it a little bit you’re sending your finger into the future and screwing it up for everybody else. – No, no, no, no. It’s not that kind of wormhole. – Oh. – It’s the kind that you don’t put worms into. Stop it. Stop putting worms in there! Pull them out. – Okay. – One at a time. – Got it. – That’s a long one. That’s a dead one. Very gross. – This is because you went on a vacation to a country that you were not prepared for and you got one of those weird flies that bit you and laid at its eggs next to your belly button and now you’re pulling out little worms, one at a time. – Cause flies make worms. And you’re going to be on television on like “Unsolved Vacation Stories”. – But it’s a local news segment. – Yeah. – All right. So we’ve got some chicken NS here. – Yeah. CNS We call this. – CNS. And then here, we’ve got an assortment of crackers. We’ve got more than, than you could ever, ever, ever know about. – And do you know that CNS has actually been proven to be helpful for you when you are “S”. – Actually been proven? – Actually been proven. – Chicken noodle from soup for the soul. – When you’re sick, eating chicken noodle soup actually has a therapeutic restorative effect. – Because like, drainage- – It’s hydrating you. I think it hydrates you. – Hydration, some salt. – It’s difficult to drink water when you’re sick sometimes- – Drainage. – But you need to be hydrated. – I think it makes you- Now we’ve got these oyster crackers, – Oh man, I’ve only ever put those in clam chowder. – There are people who swear by these, – I swore by them. – They float, which is nice. – [Stevie] Can we talk about crackers on tables, in restaurants, do you remember that? Is that a North Carolina thing? – Yeah. Well, I only know it in North Carolina, but. – [Stevie] Is it a North Carolina thing or is it a- – We’re all from North Carolina. – [Stevie] nineties thing, you know what I mean? Like, does it still exist? – You mean like a little pack of crackers? – [Stevie] Yeah! Like I remember going to the restaurants. – Salt and pepper, condiments. – [Stevie] Yeah, as a kid. And there was always like saltines or oyster cracker packets, like on the table. And you could like snack on them when you waited, when you were waiting for your food. – My dad would say just have some crackers. – But, you could snack on them, but that’s, I don’t think that’s why they were there. I think they were there with the condiments to be eaten with your food. – [Stevie] Yeah. That makes more sense. But as a kid- – As a kid, we would eat those. You’d eat those crackers. Speaking of, as a kid, the second candidate we got here is original Goldfish. – Interestingly, when you put Goldfish into the soup, – They float too. – They float. – So they’re dead. – Dead fish, But they’re still smiling. – I don’t know, I like those oyster ones. – I like one that floats. – These are thicker, they still float. – They taste a little bit better, but the consistency of these oyster crackers is better for soup. – Yep, I agree. – So this stays in- – Almost hollow and crispy. – Stays at number two. I’m not much of a put cracker in stuff, I’m about to choke. (clears throat) – [Stevie] I like a good dip, like a good cracker and soup dip situation. – Oh, you mean like, like dipping the cracker in here? – [Stevie] Yeah, the first two are a little too small for that, you’d get your fingers wet. – Yeah. – This is not a dip. – And that’s, that’s why you float them. But now we’ve got these, this is a dipper. So we’ve got the Premium, original saltine cracker. – This is what we do with the McLoughlin household on soup night; there is just a box, a sleeve of saltines in the middle of the table. And everybody goes for it. – And you do a light dip? – I did a three dip. – I like to do the dip and hold and get it a little floppy, but then the- – I like it a little crisp. – I like mine to be floppy. – [Stevie] Have you ever just put butter on a saltine? – No. – Yeah – [Stevie] Oh, so good. – Yeah, that’s a cracker with butter on it. It’s the best thing in the world. – [Stevie] But saltines specifically, they have the right amount of salt. – Yeah. They’re not– – Oops! I lost it. – Yeah. You, you got too aggressive. You got too aggressive on that one. – I’ma fish it out and I’m still gonna eat it together. Cause half of it’s slimy and the other half is crunchy. I think you over slimed it. (crunchy chewing) – It was fun though. Look at that. There’s just little pieces of chicken. That’s fun. – [Stevie] I’m actually really, – Wait when did you first put butter on crackers? – Well, it’s more of a Cassie thing. She really likes butter and so she’ll put butter on things, but it’s delicious. And I’m actually surprised that you haven’t done it, Link. I feel like it’s like, I feel like it would be like your number one snack if you tried it. – I will try. I would eat peanut butter on crackers, but I would, I’ve never been a cracker man. I’ve never liked crackers. Like any kind of cracker-esque snack. I’ve never, I’ve never gone to that. Like you’re talking like a Wheat Thin or a- – What’s wrong? You scared of ’em? – Or Ritz! Like, I mean- – Ritz, Oh, Ritz. – This is like a dessert cracker. You talk about a buttery cracker. You wouldn’t need to add butter to this. – [Stevie] No, yeah. – But if you did it’d be good. But peanut butter on Ritz Crackers, my dad still to this day will make himself a plate of those Ritz crackers with peanut butter on there. And they’re so good. – That’s good. That is good. But look at what they’re suggesting. They’re suggesting- – Making a BLT on it. – Making an actual sandwich. – Ritz suggests a lot of things that people just take as suggestions. – Ritz burger, cheeseburger, Ritz sandwich. – Yeah look, and then there’s all these, look at these things. – Cheeseburger, PB and J what does that one say? – I’m too far away. Cheddar and apple. – Cheddar and apple. – Oh that actually sounds good. – This is fun. This could be like a, like a party night. – [Voice] Let’s have a party night Link. – Let’s have a party night sponsored by Ritz. – The party plates that like our wives like to make for parties, they’re a little too fancy. – They don’t have Ritz on them. – We got to go with like the down home party plate and start making some of these. – Can I have, can I, can I have some Rhett? – You know what? – Cause I really want some. – You can have as many as you want. – Ritz is my favorite cracker. – But in a soup, is really what we’re talking about. – I don’t typically put them in a soup. – [Stevie] Didn’t you say, isn’t Ritz the cracker of choice for your midnight microwaving cheese over crackers snack? – I don’t really do that anymore personally, but yeah. As a, you know, as a young buck, I would. The first layer of the cheese Frisbee is Ritz crackers. – Hmm. Dang. That is good. – Man. – Having a little bit of soup. I’ve never done this, but. – You know what? It’s not too buttery. – It’s not too buttery. – Man, I need to be putting this in everything. – And you gotta take them out quick cause they will stop up the soak. – Yeah, yeah. They’re like sponges. – Actually, I’m saying these are somewhere in there. All the way to top? I ain’t gonna argue with that. – Don’t argue with it then. – Slide them down so- – Ritz just beat out oyster crackers. – [Stevie] Wait you put saltines at the bottom? You put Goldfish? – Well, yeah, we didn’t really talk about it. – Goldfish is not. – I know it’s special to you Stevie, so we’re going to do this. Oh, you talk about in the middle of the table. Keebler cigarettes. – Yeah, yeah, yeah. – [Stevie] I didn’t experience that. That’s like too fancy for middle of the table for the restaurants. – Garlic bread sticks, look at this. Boy, they smell like garlic. – That is wild. Oh wow. – Did did Chase just bring you some of these? – [Stevie] He brought me the, yeah. The garlic bread sticks. – But what are you thinking about them? – [Stevie] Let me sample them, one moment. – Smella that. Cause it is garlicky. – I don’t like what’s happening here. It seems impervious. – It’s crunchy. I mean, I like the garliciness. I think it’s better than the Goldfish for that reason. – The Goldfish- – [Stevie] How can they smell so strong but taste like nothing? – That’s a good question. – When you put it in the soup, it does activate the garlic a little bit. Cause I’m tasting some garlic. Where are we at now? Melba toast. – I’m a few crackers deep at this point. – Classic Melba toast. – I never understood Melba toast. It felt like it wasn’t for me. Who’s it for? – [Stevie] That seems like the fanciest option, that you have. – It’s so fancy that the box is a vertical version of the box, and then boop on the back is a horizontal version of the box. – Why you got to have two different ways? – [Stevie] The suggested, like the image, of what’s on the Melba toast is appetizing to me. – Let me see what we got. – That’s a little fruit fruit right there. You got the cucumber. What is that called? – Cream cheese and cucumbers. – [Stevie] In my mind it’s like a nice smoked white fish salad. – Oh, Ritz has also got- oh yeah Chase. Ritz is also horizontal, vertical, horizontal. – What’s happening with this Melba toast. – That’s fun. – Is it a rye? – [Stevie] It’s not a great name for a thing, Melba. – That’d be a great name for a- – Woman. – For a person. – [Stevie] Yeah, for an older lady. – You know what I’ma name that old baby? Melba. That’s the problem with people with old sounding names is that they started out not old. Did they change their name? Tell me, you know what? I’m getting old. I need to change my name to Melba. – [Stevie] I feel like you could be a young Melba and be like really cool. – Oh yeah, I think Melba’s a great name. – You know what I mean? – For anybody. – I feel like you’d be, yeah, you’d be really- – And I don’t know any Melba’s. – Does anybody know a Melba? – Uh uh. Next script rewrite, let’s put a Melba in. – Melba. – Because then it would be like the toast. – Yeah, like the toast. You know the one you put cucumbers and cream cheese on. – Uh, that is gross. – My dad loves it. – That’s horrible. – I don’t like these. – Chase has like the bank. – Like the bank, like the bank yeah. – Jake. – Jake. – Now we’re to it guys. Kellogg’s club crackers. – Are you good enough to be in the club? Look at the club that those ladies are on in the back. – Oh yeah. They’re in the club. We be clubbing! – Does that look like a club that we’d be invited to? – [Stevie] That reminds me of the, what was it called? The friends cereal, best friend’s cereal? – Yeah. – Yeah. – I am just going to have to- – [Stevie] No, you just put the crackers out beside you. – Oh, there they are. – These are good. – I think these are buttery. – These are like Ritz. These are somewhat like Ritz. – So they’re saltine orientation. – [Stevie] Try them next to the Ritz. Has anyone ever tried them next to the Ritz? I’m very curious. – Wow. – [Stevie] What is the next to the Ritz situation? – They’re not, they’re more crackery. – They’re a little less buttery than the Ritz. – Yeah, the Ritz are like- they’re poofier. – That’s a perfect cracker. – You’re almost tempted to think there’s like a cookie quality to a Ritz. – A Ritz is a perfect cracker. It’s got the shape, the texture, the taste. I love everything about it. – A club cracker is everything that a Ritz is minus fifteen percent, which makes it still really good. – It puts it right behind the oyster crackers. – Yeah. And here we have our official ranking. Melba toast sucks. Goldfish for are children. Bread sticks, who gives a crap. Saltines, if you’re not sick, pass it off. Club crackers, if you can’t get Ritz, they’re a good thing to settle on. Oyster crackers float; and our champion, Ritz. The buttery, flaky, round, goodness that you’ll never regret. – Yep, eat all you want. – [Stevie] Do you think saltines will send me personally like a lifetime supply of saltines, cause I’ve really cheered for them during this time. – Saltines. – Could you ask for that please? – Send Stevie a – Lifetime supply. – lifetime supply. – [Stevie] Hit me up. – Cloak yourself in mythicality with our newest society exclusive item a secret society cloak. 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