(rooster crows) (lion roars) – Welcome to “Good Mythical More.” Let’s talk about snacks attacking, because it really rolls off the tongue. – But first, let’s tell a 10 word story. – All right. Sometimes. – I. – Squeeze. – My. – Pulpy. – Polyp. – So. – I’ll. – Someday. – Be. – That’s existential. Sometimes I squeeze my polyp so that someday I’ll be. – No, not pulpy olive, pulpy polyp. – [Man] Oh, okay. – Sometimes I squeeze my pulpy polyp so someday… I mean, you kind of set me up, when you put someday in there, I can’t end the sentence. This is a fill in the blank for you guys. – Sometimes I squeeze my pulpy polyp so I’ll someday be. – You put sometimes and someday, you had five words to contribute to the 10 word story and two of them were sometimes and someday. – I’m a loser, what can I say? Carve you name in that thing. – Oh man, Link. – So Stevie, give us a scenario, what’s happening here? – [Stevie] So we’re in alternate snack scenario land. So I’m gonna give you a would you rather and they’re gonna be snack based and they’re gonna be not true. You’re gonna have to use your imagination. – Not true. – [Stevie] You’re gonna have to dig deep and let me know which one you would rather. – Oh. – [Stevie] For instance, would you rather live in a world where all beaches have had their sand replaced with Cheeto dust, or all swimming pools are filled with ice cold blue Gatorade? – Ice cold? – [Stevie] Ice cold. – See that’s the part I’m really fixated on. So blue Gatorade, this is the sugarized version. So swimming in sugar water. – To me, I’m worried about the environmental impact of Cheetos on the beach. I feel like the pool of Gatorade can be contained, kind of like hog waste. – Let’s throw that out. – It’s hard for me to do that. – There’s a lot of beaches. You’re saying it’s basically sand. – If every beach has got Cheeto dust, I mean, think about what that means. – Yeah, you know that’s a downer way to look at it, Rhett. To me, there’s a- – Oh, crap! – There’s a lot of fun. A lot of people don’t go to the beach because they just don’t like to get sand all over them, but is it better if it’s Cheeto dost. – What kind of dost will it be? – ‘Cause I mean, you could lick yourself, you could lick other people, you know? ‘Cause there’s that thing about oh, put sunscreen on me, you know? (Stevie laughs) If you’re single, you’re like, oh, put sunscreen on me, that’s an opportunity, hey, let’s go to the beach so then I can ask you to lather some sunscreen all over me. That’s an opportunity. – You know there’s that thing, put some sunscreen on me. – And now, with this, the new thing could be, let’s go to the beach so that you could lick Cheeto dust off me. – When your wife puts sunscreen- – Before we get back in the car. – On you, or you put sunscreen on your wife, you been married for 20 years, it can’t just be a squirt and rub kind of situation, but you can make it something. You can make a moment out of the sunscreen. You can be like, hey, let’s act like I don’t know you for a second. (laughs) Excuse me, Miss, you look like you might need some sunscreen. – That’s a fun role play. – Yeah, I use an accent. – I’m up for that. – [Stevie] What kind of accent? – I’m going for Cheeto dust for the reason that I’ve stated. – Excuse me, Miss, you look like you need some sunscreen. (Mythical Crew laughs) You’re gonna burn. Would you like me to do it for you, I will. – Which are you choosing? – I already told you, blue pools. – Because of the environmental. I don’t like to swim in an ice cold anything. That’s another reason. – [Stevie] Yeah, and it would have to be chlorinated blue Gatorade. – You can’t even drink it. – [Stevie] But I gotta say, the only thing… Not the only thing, but think about how annoying sand is, and think about how annoying Cheeto dust is. – I know. – [Stevie] It’s a whole new level of annoying. – Agreed. – [Stevie] I would never go to the beach. – It’s a lot stickier, but you’re not changing my mind. – [Stevie] Okay, how about this one? Would you rather get caught in a stampede of giant bull-sized meatballs. – Bull-sized? – Bull-sized. – Whoa. – [Stevie] Or a volcanic eruption of room temperature mayonnaise. – Okay, room temp, that helps. – How hot are the bulls… What is it? The first thing. – [Stevie] Bull-sized meatballs. I think that they’re as hot as a bull. – I mean, you could die. You could be trampled by the meatballs easily, but even mayonnaise moving at high speed is not really gonna hurt. – You think bulls have the same body temperature as a human? – Well, it would hurt, but it’s not gonna kill you. – I think bulls run a little hot. – Why are you pointing that out? – ‘Cause she said the meatballs would be the temperature of bulls. – Oh, she did. – Yeah. – I mean, is it a loosely packed meatball? Because I think if you get stampeded by a loosely packed meatball, I think you’re gonna win, it’s just gonna (exclaims) all over you. That might be something you pay for. – [Stevie] 101.5 Fahrenheit. They’re like close. – Well, if you can swim and mayo is too viscous, so if you get head deep in mayo, it’s over, that’s it. – ‘Cause you think a big pile up of mayo is gonna come down from the volcano, it’s gonna be fired out of it- – I mean, someday. – You’d be buried. – [Stevie] Which bird has the highest body temperature. – I chose the mayonnaise. – [Stevie] Is a question asked when I googled the temperature of a bull. – Well, I would say an ostrich. – [Stevie] No, I think you could get it, really think about it. – Hummingbird. – Yeah, hummingbird. – Oh yeah, they move quick. They get hot. – [Stevie] 105 degrees. – Good gracious, that’s a hot bird. – I gotta give it to you with the polyp thing, like when I said polyp, when I heard myself say it, I didn’t immediately make sense of it, but you were all over the colon screening. – Well, I’ve been thinking about it, personally. I’ve been thinking about getting a colonoscopy. – I recommend it, just because- – So does the doctor. (chuckles) (Stevie laughs) So I mean, that’s kind of more my reasoning. Recommended by best friends everywhere. – I like going into twilight. – You like that state. – Yeah. It was fun. I mean, when I came out of it, I was like, where are my glasses? And I was wearing my glasses. (Stevie laughs) – Did you hear about the lawsuit that whatever the studio that made “Twilight” the series, there was a short term lawsuit where they were suing the medical association for using the term twilight to describe that state of anesthesia. – [Stevie] Oh man, wouldn’t that be great if it just sent you into that state of twilight and you were like, Kristen. – Yeah. – [Stevie] There’s a camera in my butt hole. (Rhett laughs) – You know what would be the greatest? Is if there was a colonoscopy scene in “Twilight.” (Mythical Crew laughs) Like I mean, you could cut to that camera. – It would have to be the werewolves. – You could get the internal shot of the werewolf. Like, oh werewolves got some polyps too. – You know vampires can’t get cancer. – It’s a common problem. – But I think a werewolf can. – [Man] They have diamond crested butt hole. – Diamond crested butt holes. – That’s the vampire, not the werewolf. – [Stevie] Carney just said vampires have to be invited into a butt hole. (Rhett laughs) – Wow, wow. – Yeah, so you just cut to the camera shot. That’s great. Utilize all the angles. – Would you rather live in a world where- – I made up that thing about the lawsuit. – Good. – [Stevie] I thought you were talking about twilight sleep lawsuits and I was like, can we not get into how horrible that is right now, but you weren’t, so it’s fine. – Yeah, that’s something I don’t wanna talk about either. – [Stevie] Would you rather live in a world where all flowers have become durian fruits big and small or all trees have become huge stalks of steamed broccoli, so most of nature now just smells like farts. – So only when it flowers does it stink like durian, or constantly? – Sure. – Broccoli doesn’t stink unless you cook it, right? – I did my last name. – So with climate change, it’s gonna stink. – I always wondered if my last name, if I’m gonna misspell it, every single time. Every time I write my name I’m like- – By the time you get to the end, you’ve lost concentration. – It’s so strange. I’m like, MC, laugh, L-I-N. That’s how you spell my name. – You can’t even see it on screen at once. Now you can, right there. – Again, I can’t help but worry about the environmental impact here, I mean, we lose all flowers, society collapses, just like if we lose all bees. But I have heard that wasps are ready to fill the gap. – That is not the way to- – I heard that recently that wasps are ready to step in and save humanity. – I heard you say that you heard that, yeah. But I just don’t think that’s the way to analyze these, because it’s not fun. – Oh, it’s fun. – It’s just sad. It’s like either way, you’re destroying ecosystems. I mean, the balance of nature. I mean, when I was in fourth grade I did a freaking science project about this. I mean, it’s nothing new to me. I really like the idea of broccoli trees. It seems cool, it seems fun. If it was just one forest, like if it was a Fangorn situation. Like I could go there, and I could visit the broccoli forest now we could all agree that that’s awesome. But if all trees were that… I really love trees. I really love all types of trees. – Think about the smell of broccoli, it is truly awful. – But only when you cook it, right? – She said cooked broccoli. – [Stevie] Well, I did say huge stalks of steamed broccoli. – Oh, you did say steamed. – Yeah, I’ve been thinking that the whole time, bro. – Oh, crap. – I got a splinter. – And you can’t even climb a steamed broccoli, ’cause it’s just gonna fall apart. – Well, I think these would be bigger. – All right, I’m going with the durian, because you can like that smell before you’ll like a broccoli fart smell. – You know what else is important that you know? – You didn’t choose. – I said I’d rather have the durian. We’ve been having this Mythical end of summer sale, you knew about this. If you didn’t know about it, you need to know that today is the last day. The last day of the Mythical end of summer sale, you get 30% off select products. Select products. What does that mean? – [Stevie] I don’t think you’re supposed to emphasize that word. (Rhett laughs) – Not all of them. Ones that have been selected. – The selected ones, Mythical.com. – All right, Stevie, blow our minds again. – [Stevie] Would you rather be caught in a tsunami of Pixy Stix dust… I guess that’d be a dust storm. Or caught in a tornado of Doritos. – You know what could happen to a pine needle in a tornado, right through a board. – Right through a… What are those poles that hold up- – Right through your heart. – Wires? – Telephone pole. – Yeah, we’ve all seen that image. A Dorito, would it slice through you? – [Stevie] I think either scenario is not great. I don’t think you’re living at the end of either one of these. – Yeah, you’re dead at both of these scenarios, it’s just what’s gonna be the more painful death. – A Pixy lung, it’ll take a while to kill you. – Pixy lung, I’ve had Pixy lung just with one Pixy Stix before. – Yeah, you put it in the wrong orifice. – And I thought it was over. I thought it was over. So I’d rather have a Dorito, right to the brain. – Yeah, but the Doritos, you might escape. – Sometimes people get impaled. You know, sometimes will get a javelin and it will go right through their face and they’ll show up at the emergency room and be like… And they’ll take it out, and they’ll be okay. So surely a Dorito to the brain would be okay in some scenarios. Maybe it’ll get rid of the parts you don’t like. – But can you hold your breath for the entire Pixy storm? I can’t. I’m going for the Doritos. I’m just gonna get into a ball and protect… I’m gonna get into the tornado position for the tornado, that’s why it exists. – Yeah, but the problem is with that, you might live through it. – [Stevie] You might what? – You might live through it. – [Stevie] Oh, yeah. – That’s kind of my objective. – [Stevie] Would you rather live in a world where the air tastes like pickles or your sweat is tuna fish water? – The air tasting like pickles, I mean, have you been to a pickle factory, there’s nothing to complain about here. – I haven’t been to a pickle factory. – I’m just imagining what it would be like. – [Stevie] I feel like there’s a sting associated with that. – I thought you had been to a pickle factory without me. – Like a sting in the eye. – I may have been to a pickle factory like as a kid. That’s the kind of thing my parents would take us to do. – Well, you know Mt. Olive would do that. – Early on. – You know, you could get a Mt. Olive pickle factory tour, but I have not done that. – I bet you that’s a good tour. – I think you would get used to it. Any smell, no matter the stink, your brain just sort of says, okay, I’m not sending any more signals about this. Well, the nose sends the signal and then the brain says if it’s important. It says it’s not important. What’s the other thing? – [Stevie] But then would everything you ate be tainted by the smell of pickles? – I don’t think so. – [Stevie] The other thing is tuna fish sweat. Tuna fish water sweat. – I basically already got that. – That’s life-changing. That’s on you as a person. – Only when you sweat. – Walking around in a world where everybody’s smelling pickles, who cares? Being the only person with tuna sweat- – [Stevie] I don’t think it’s the only person with tuna sweat. – Oh, everybody’s got tuna sweat? – [Stevie] Yeah, everyone has tuna sweat. Which you would think that you would then develop a deodorant that is anti-tuna sweat. – No, no, I’d think you’d start liking tuna sweat. – But when humans sweat, we do tend to stink already and we understand that. – Yeah, but that’s such a modern society thing, I mean, for years and years and years that stink was a good thing. Somebody had a good stink. – I mean, it still happens in France, I think. – Yeah, right, Europe’s got that figured out, man. You get on one of those buses and you’re like- – I wish I had a pickle atmosphere right now. – I think that they like this. – They need to pump some pickle into this bus. – And I think that’s our problem. I think it’s our problem. I think we’ve lost the good stink. – I showered this morning and I thought to myself I can’t remember the last time I did this. – Showered? – Yeah, well it’s been a few days. (Mythical Crew laughs) – Did you have a good stink going on? – I did dip in a pool a few times. That counts, right? – That’s a 60% shower. – That counts, so I don’t think I stunk that bad. Pickle juice. – Did you use soap in the pool? – No, but I’ve thought about it. – You can’t do that. – Can you do that? – No. Ruins the pH. Time for the Mythical end of summer sale, take up to 30% off select items now through September 1st at Mythical.com.