Oh, I gotta be honest, man. I farted when I yelled and…. I gotta be honest. I farted when I pulled the wheel. Yeah. But I was yelling and I don’t think you heard it. Yeah, I didn’t. ‘Cause I would’ve said something. I would’ve said something. Oh man. I’m glad that’s all it was because with all that caffeine, I do feel like I need to take a poo poo. Yeah. I could do that right now. I think I can hold it, we’ll see. Welcome to Good Mythical MORE, we’re gonna look at some like real monsters, not like the drink ones and we’re gonna like…. We’re gonna do a tournament of sorts to see which monster- The best monster. Would win. But first… Whoa! It’s Gifticality, which mean we’re donating $1,000 to the National Center for Transgender Equality to aid in their mission to change policies and society, to increase understanding and acceptance of transgender people. NCTE works to replace disrespect, discrimination and violence, with empathy, opportunity and justice. Please join us in giving at transequality.org. Empathy, opportunity and justice. I like the sound of that. Yes. Thanks for being your mythical best. Ahhhh! And you know what I’ve noticed? I’m actually pooping more these days. Like I’ll get up… These days like this week? Like…. Like I don’t know what, I think- This year? Well, maybe this year. You mean more volume per or more often during the day? More sessions. How many a day? Consistently two now. That’s normal. One a day is not good. You need to do two a day. And then sometimes, sometimes…. Like football practice before the season starts. Like, but in the morning. Yeah. And then when I get home- From work at the end of the day. That’s what I do. Like my family knows, and the dogs know I’m gonna see ’em for a little bit. I’m just gonna say hello and then I’m gonna disappear for a little while. But not here at work, huh? Thank you for that. Yeah. But sometimes there’s a third one. Yeah. Today there’s definitely gonna be a third one. It’s gonna be- A turd one. It’s gonna be right after we’re done with this tourney. Well, you’re not like unzipping your back zipper are you? Like, I’m- I’m opening my flap Let me loosen up. I’m itching, man. I’m itching. Are you itching? No, I feel good right now. You feel kind of- I feel like I could do a little jog. Okay. Frankenstein’s monster versus Freddy Krueger. There’s I mean, Frankenstein was never scary to me at any point in my life, even as a like four year old I was never scared of him. Talking about the doctor? Okay. Frankenstein’s a monster. Uh yeah. Frankenstein’s monster who I did call Frankenstein. He’s not being coordinated. Did he actually kill anybody in the movies or books? I never watched the original one. I mean, this is Herman Munster right? No, no this is not Herman Munster. That’s Franken… That’s Boris Karloff. This is the original, this is the original, but like he’s not scary, Freddy on the other hand- I’ve never gotten the nerve to watch a Freddy movie. Well, that’s sad because Freddy’s hilarious. Like he’s one of the funniest monsters. Really, really funny. And there’s a sex scene in every Nightmare on Elm Street. Oh really? A little nooky naughty? A little naughty nooky? You don’t get any of that in Frankenstein- And it’s in color. You don’t get any of that right? No one’s seen it. Everybody refers to him- I’m looking both up ’cause I don’t know immediately. ‘Cause Frankenstein’s monster seems just very sad to me. Right? Like he has like an Edward Scissorhands type of vibe. Yeah. Like it’s not his choice. You know? I think he’s soulless. It turns out like he was a very motivated killer in the story. Like he had justification for why he would murder people. And here’s the thing. So he did murder people. He had justification. So, but here’s the thing, a weakness of Freddy Krueger, according to my little cheat sheet on the back, is his weaknesses are the real world and no longer being afraid of him. And I just, some tells me this guy’s- I love the real world. Not smart enough to be afraid of him. I mean, do you remember the days of the Real World? I remember watching the Real World and then getting on the phone and then feeling like I was on the Real World when I was talking to somebody on the phone, like… Right it was… What does a phone have to do with the Real World? Well, in the Real World they would- Talk on the phone? Well, it was one of the first reality shows where they would document. Yeah. Like everything that was happening and they had like a phone room basically. ‘Cause I guess that cell phones didn’t exist. Did you watch that reunion from the first season? No. I can’t remember any of the characters. I remember some of the seasons. I remember… The guy with the mullet Yeah, them talking on the phone and being like, they just seemed so cool. They just seemed like everything was really special that was happening to them. These are real conversations on real phones. Yeah, and you can see Freddy Krueger’s kind of talking on the phone. Yeah, he is like, “Where’s my phone?” He’s not gonna be afraid of him, that’s his weakness, he’s gonna beat him. Yeah. No, Frankie’s gonna stay because he’s not afraid of him. And then he is.. What’s he gonna do though? He’s powerless, when you’re not afraid of Freddy, he loses his power- But- Right? Freddy was in a fire, that’s why he looks that way, and one of the weaknesses of Frankenstein is fire. Let’s get rid of him. All right, fine. He’s gonna kill him before he realizes they’re not afraid of him. And let’s put him up against, ohhh! The one we must not name or however they say it. He who shall not be spoken of? He must not be named. He who must not be named. The one we don’t, the noseless one. Uh huh Ralph Fiennes. The guy from “The English Patient.” Voldemort. I mean, Voldemort is clearly a much more sophisticated– What his powers? Isn’t he like the most powerful wizard in the world? One of the strongest wizards in existence. Right. Gay wizards. He can kill you with one curse. Is he gay? Is he gay? Isn’t that Dumbledore? He and Dumbledore… He was conceived under a love potion. So he cannot feel love. He cannot feel love. But if he did… It would be, it would be gay love. No, it’s Dumbledore that’s gay. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So that was, I mean probably irrelevant. Irrelevant. But I just think that he’s a much, this is a later… It’s a much more sophisticated villain. You know what I’m saying? He’s he’s scarier looking just because, this is comical scary to me, you know? And this is sort of just like, if I were to see like a demon had made itself known to people it would probably look something like this, like it’s scarier to me. He feels more powerful. Freddy feels like a joke. He can kill you from a distance. Right? He can kill you with a curse. Avada Kedavra! Yeah, I think he beats Freddy. Avada Kedavra, did I say that right? Yeah. Okay. All right. Now we’re gonna go with little Greek mythology, we got some Medusa. Why is this Uma Thurman? Why is it not? Why is it not Uma Thurman? I don’t recall this, but… This is from “Percy Jackson.” Oh, that’s why. Meduma? Medusa? Percy Jackson didn’t really advertise this part of the story as much. It would be cool- That movie’s not out yet, is it? It’d be cool, if this was a picture of Oprah and we could do the Uma-Oprah thing that Letterman did that year at the award show, remember that? Bombed big time. Uma-Oprah, Oprah-Uma, Uma-Oprah. It bombed and I loved it. Yeah. I loved it too. It’s going well here. I loved it. It’s one of my favorite bits ever. If you look her or her eyes in the snakes, if you look her snakes in the eyes or her in the eyes, you turn to stone. But you know, Voldemort- Turn stone power still works, if her head is cut off. But Voldemort’s not gonna fall for that. He probably is not even susceptible to it. This is a, I think they would be friends. there’s like a frenemy thing happening. But not lovers. If you don’t look at her, I mean, then what? You beat her. Then she’s just sort of a mild nuisance. Now, if you had to smell her, I would. In order to turn to stone, then I think he’d be fine. Yeah. Right. No nostrils. But yeah, I think he’s beating her too. Did you know that Ray Fiennes in this costume that this turned him into a permanent mouth breather? Really? Yeah, and if you watch him in any of his more recent works, you’ll see that he is very rarely, has his mouth closed. But he has no regrets That’s a shame .- He said he has no regrets. Edward Cullen. The Batman. The.. in Twilight. This is before he learned how to act, I think, right? How dare you? I mean, what a, what a wild movie. I mean, I sat down just in the last couple of years my friend, Jenny, she loved, I mean she sat me down to watch the Twilight series and I was, I was blown away with how splendidly horrible it was. I lo– it was amazing. I loved it. I have to sneeze again, but… I, I think it just, it goes to show you that it’s, you know, it’s all in the writing. It’s all in the writing. He’s so sparkling though What is his, what is his powers? Super speed. Super strength, mind reading, blood thirsty. He’s hot. He’s murdered so many people over a hundred years, LOL Can only be killed– Can only be killed by being ripped into several pieces and burned, difficult to accomplish. That is difficult. His weaknesses are Bella. That’s it. That’s his only weakness? Yeah. That’s his only freaking weakness, man. I mean, I’m tempted to say that Voldemort could take him out as well but I kind of feel like he’s a little intimidating. Like I think Edward is, is intimidating and you know, you might make Voldy feel kind of uncomfortable and insecure. Yeah, his sexiness. Like you come in here with that head of hair and that nose? Wait, you’re saying that Daniel Radcliffe isn’t sexy? Not as sexy as– Daniel Radcliffe? No he’s not sexy Pattinson. I mean, I don’t, I, I have nothing in this fight. I just, I just, I, I think that Voldemort is actually a lot more powerful than, than Edward Cullen. Yeah. But, but he is not nearly as sexy. Kaylen disagrees. I think he’s gonna beat him with sex power. Yeah. I think that– We’re talking random vampire versus, what? He’s super fast. Like, so he can get to Voldemort– So you think he’s the fastest vampire in the world? He’s faster than Voldemort can put a curse out for sure. Voldemort takes a long time to get that curse out. Right. I’m just saying, I think it just comes down to sexiness because I think there’s power in that. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Everybody’s looking at them face off against each other and everybody’s like, well he’s a lot sexier than him. Yeah. Yeah. If you like us, you’ll like our podcast. I wanna remind you to check out Ear Biscuits, where we– Oh, I got to sneeze again. Dude! We move at the speed of conversation. We share our lives with each other. We share our unfiltered opinions and our unadulterated adult experiences. Yeah. Ear biscuits, wherever you get your podcasts. Pennywise. Good gosh he’s scary. He’s undeniably sexy as well. But I think the real thing is that a bunch of children took him out. Yeah. That’s a good– Like a gang of children, you know? That’s a good point. Yeah. Like, a bunch of powerless kids. It wasn’t even that hard. It took two movies though. Eh? It did. It didn’t need to necessarily take two movies. Didn’t he die in the first movie? No, he like just went away. Yeah. He just went away. Yeah. Man, you’re exactly right. Yeah. Oh yeah, now we’re getting to it. This isn’t horror, we’re getting into action movies. This is more sci-fi. Sci-fi. The Predator. The predator didn’t have any supernatural abilities, did he? What, what, what is the card– He’s a master combatant. A master hunter. A master– Hmm… Speed, strength, durability. Likes to viciously, kill and mutilate prey. Basically an animal. Well, he, he, he had to be mutilated to be killed, but he’s faster, I bet. But his weakness is, he is not compatible with Earth’s air. Can still survive here, but it’s he, it’s tough. It’s rough, it’s a rough go. By the end of the movie, he was wheezing pretty heavily, I remember. I, I was like, does he have asthma? Haven’t seen the movie. Don’t say that. Don’t admit that he, he’s not, he’s not willing to kill children. He’s not willing to kill children? No. Oh, well that’s sweet. Yeah. Wow. Look at those, look at those lips, man. Good gracious. I don’t think he can do anything to Edward. You think, you think he can get Edward– When you’re fast– ripped up into a bunch of sparkly pieces? I’m like Kaylen on this she’s got me really weighing heavily on these Celine made the point that Edward Cullen is technically a minor. So I think that he wins this regardless. Exactly. He won’t, yeah. He’s everlasting and a minor? So this brings us to Krampus. Oh yeah, How long have you been 17? 17 forever. Krampus. Okay, so the strengths of Krampus are he is an immortal deity but he also licks and beats children before putting them in a sack and taking them to his lair and sometimes eating them. He licks ’em and beats ’em. So he’s not against licking and beating minors. I had a babysitter like that once. No, I didn’t. I think Krampus may be the end of Edward. I never thought, I never thought I’d say that. How did we get here? Now, hold on, his weakness is being given fruit by a child. But the problem is, is that Edward doesn’t even eat fruit. So he is not gonna, he’s not gonna have any around. I think there’s an attraction here that is gonna weaken Edward. Look at that tongue, man. You think that Edward’s into that tongue? Yeah, well I think he wants to get on that neck. Sucky sucky. You know get that Krampus blood. Then he is gonna get licked and beaten. I think Krampus takes, takes it on this one. I mean, that is a scary rendering of Krampus. It’s not every day you get lick and beaten. What’s that on the ground? I love how you said rendering as if there’s like photos– There are photos of Krampus, but this is a rendering. We’ve chosen a rendering. This is clearer than any real photo I’ve seen The Kraken. Release the Kraken from Norse mythology. This dude is massive. Strong enough to crush ships, he’s agile, good at secret attacks. He’s an unforgiving sea monster, Rhett. His weakness is land. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is once we, once we move out of the sea, he’s at a distinct disadvantage. I mean, I can see a Krampus– Krampus versus Kraken movie? Oh yeah. As a Christmas movie? It’s a Krampus cracking Christmas. I like it. Let’s make that movie. And, and, and then the slogan is Merry Christmas with a K. “Merry Khristmas” Merry cracking Khristmas. Yeah. I mean, I’m trying to picture Krampus swimmin’ Like I don’t think, I don’t think– Yeah, we have like a– That’s not very graceful A goat man versus an octopus. Maybe they team up! Maybe you think that it’s going to be a battle but then they’re like, “Hey bro, I’m on the land. You’re in the sea. Let’s team up against Edward Cullen.” Oh wait, in this rendering of Krampus, is his right foot a foot? And his left foot– A hoof. A hoof? Is that typical? That’s typical, yeah. In renderings it is, yeah. It’s, it’s typical in renderings. You know, that’s a good eye Stevie. That’s a good eye. It’s like, not people, not, not many people notice that he has a clawed and a and a hoof– It’s like I would get in the water but I just swim in circles because of this hoof. There you go. You know? I think you just did it. Oh really? And then we’ve got, finally Godzilla versus the Kraken and you know, Godzilla. His strength is giant size atomic breath, which actually is a concentrated radiation beam. Is that right? A lot of people don’t know that, including me, strength– He is merely invulnerable. His weaknesses are lack of agility and speed, oxygen destroying bio-weapons and himself. Yeah. He’s his worst enemy really. If his, his nuclear core goes the meltdown– he has a nuclear core? I haven’t been paying attention. I don’t, I don’t… It’s like, it is a lot of incongruencies with the Godzilla story. But clearly Godzilla could take out the Kraken because Godzilla can go into the water. Oh gosh, he can swimmy swim with the best of ’em He can go into the water, but then he also– And then he could drag this thing on land… And then shoot him with his beam. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely, definitely. He’s gone, he’s gone. But we don’t need another movie with Godzilla in it, if that’s the question But you know what? I’m gonna watch a Freddy movie. Oh, you know, it could have been, it could have been Krueger Kraken Krampus Khristmas. A KKK Christmas? Yeah, we don’t wanna go with a KKK Christmas. Bad idea, bad idea. Forget we ever said it. Join 3rd Degree, quarterly or annual by March 31st to get Mythical’s first ever comic book visit mythicalsociety.com for details.