Welcome to “Good Mythical More,” hey, we got to do this some more. You want to see some more, so here we are, doing some more. Okay, listen, we’re gonna play match the crew member to their heinous crime. We’re gonna get like four confessions of actual crimes that some of our crew has committed in the past. Not their anus crime. Right, right, right. Heinous crime. I don’t know. Match the crew to their anus crime. One of them might be an anus crime, we don’t know. Can’t wait. But first, we’re gonna play, Daddy Like, Daddy Don’t Like. Daddy like Anthony’s song. Daddy don’t like stains. Daddy like truth. Daddy don’t like heights. Daddy like wood. Daddy don’t like farts. Daddy like metal. Daddy don’t like slipping on slippery stuff. Daddy like foam. Daddy don’t like when he breaks his femur, ’cause it’s the biggest bone in his body. Daddy like skin. Daddy don’t like makeup on ladies. Daddy like the way that you’re improvising by turning things into sentences in a way that we’ve never done before, because it gives you time to just keep saying things, and maybe you can just think of something and the game could go on forever. And we could just keep talking and talking and talking and talking and talking, ’cause we’ve never established any rules about this game. We’ve never said that it has to be a number of syllables and we never said that you’d run out of breath if you go on. Daddy like that. Daddy don’t like pit stains. Daddy like the Wheel of Mythicality. Daddy don’t like getting choked. Daddy like microphones. Daddy don’t like somebody squeezing his butt. Daddy like plastic. Daddy don’t like when the food’s cold. Daddy likes the legislative process. Daddy don’t like spicy. Daddy likes representative government. Daddy don’t like when somebody gives him directions and he starts listening to them giving the directions, and then the directions take so long it dawns on him that he should’ve been writing down the directions, but instead, he’s just been listening to some fool give directions that he’s not ever gonna remember, and it’s really the guy’s fault for taking so long giving so many directions, he should’ve warned Daddy that there were so many turns. Daddy didn’t know he was so far away. Daddy thought he was a lot closer, and if Daddy knew that this guy was gonna take so long, he would’ve just, I don’t know, asked him to email it to him or something. Daddy like considering the fact that maybe we have reached the logistical finality of this particular game on the wheel, because now we’ve turned it into something that is a weird, sort of, improvisational thing that doesn’t really amount to a game anymore. It’s really just turning into a conversation that could go on forever. And once a game just turn into a conversation, which is kind of a thing that these “Good Mythical Mores” are supposed to be, what we intended the game to be becomes what we intend the product that the game fits inside to be, therefore the lines of existence in the demarkation between these two concepts is erased and we reached some sort of new normal in which the game has defeated itself, and we take it off of the wheel. Daddy don’t like ending the game. That’s what we’ve been trying to do with every single spot of the wheel is to have it reach its point of finality, and it just happened. You lose! You lose! I think we both won. And it’s okay, we both can win. No, I won, because you didn’t give a Daddy Like. No, I did. Not after my Daddy don’t like ending the game. I did, I did. Yours was a whole new game. I just wanna say, I was against this wheel ending from the start. I don’t want to retire, we just figured out how to play. Let’s bring the Mythical Crew in. We’ve got Mikayla. Sorry for keeping you waiting, guys. We’ve got Jenna, we’ve got Emily, and we’ve got Josh. Hi. Hey. Yay. Apparently, we got a lot of criminals. Petty crimes, maybe. I don’t know, we haven’t seen them, but we’re gonna match the crew member to their heinous crime. Heinous? Heinous. Hopefully this is marketing. Yeah, nobody got seriously hurt. Did you read them all? The judge didn’t- Oh, you’re just talking about yours? No, I don’t… I shouldn’t say anything. Okay, well- How many crimes have you committed, Josh? Oh, you don’t jaywalk? That’s not heinous. You don’t steal the pot pie container from Marie Callender’s when you go there? Listen, it’s way worse than that, Josh, ’cause we’re starting out with I burned down an orphanage. That one seems tough. Yeah. Relax, it was abandoned. In Middle School, I was a pyromaniac. So when I wanted to tell my crush I loved them, I knew just what to do. I went to the old abandoned orphanage, where all us cool kids hung out and wrote their name in a big heart using gasoline on the side of the wall. Turns out something in the orphanage, paint, was flammable, so when I lit the gas- Just the paint was flammable? The whole building went up in flames. Sure, I was arrested, but nothing stung more than getting rejected by my crush. Okay. That’s pretty intense. Pyromaniac. Burning down an abandoned orphanage. Jenna got that poker face, just really kicking with it. Well, this feels like… You know, we had a lot of opportunities to burn down abandoned buildings growing up in the rural south, you know what I’m saying? There was one guy who did. Yeah, you’re presented with many opportunities to be like- But relax- No one’s gonna miss that thing if I burn it down. He was a fireman. Right. No, seriously, he was the fireman. He sounds like the worst fireman. Well, he was busy. Practice makes perfect. Idle hands. I think all of you guys, there’s like a darkness, there’s a dark side to each of you. Thank you. Oh, okay. Thank you. Firemen is misleading. Firemen should start fires, anti-firemen should put our fires. Yeah, watermen. Yeah, watermen, they should be called watermen. I don’t think this is Josh, because I think you spent most of your childhood in California where- You don’t play with fire. Fires start themselves here. The orphanages are full here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The orphanages are full. Got a lot of kids. Exactly. We got to fill the buildings up. That’s essentially it. So I’m kind of in the- Mikayla, where’d you grow up? Mikayla’s Chicago. So I feel like this is either- Yeah, this has got to be rural. This is basically Tennessee. We got two Tennessee options here, because unlike Link always insists, Emily is not from Kentucky. Yep. Or Virginia. I’ll say you’ll from Kentucky occasionally too. You do, yeah. That is also incorrect. We’re literally from the same state. Same state. So this is definitely a Tennessee person. You ever seen Jenna burn something? Knoxville or Nashville, which one is it? Emily’s talked about her crushes before and the links that she’s gone to like- Yeah, that’s good. We’re gonna give that to you. Get quieted love. Now if this were a church, true. You burned down an abandoned church? It was not abandoned. There were many people there. Just kidding. Ouch. Read another one. Black market bidet dealer. Oh, anus crime. It is an anus crime. In college, I was a dealer on the underground bidet black market. Bidets were in high demand, but people were still ashamed about being seen buying one at the store. I understand that. So I went on Reddit… So it’s someone who could get on Reddit in college, which is probably all of y’all. We’re just too old. Found a map of all the restaurants that had bidets in their bathrooms and then stole them. In turns out that people are willing to pay a lot of money to have their butts cleaned with a little water and no record of sale. I’m actually wearing a shirt I bought using my bidet money right now. Well, you’re wearing merch. Did we make you buy our merch? No. All right, so we know it’s not Mikayla. Not Mikayla. We let the crew get merch. I mean, within limits. Yeah. This is one I asked for specifically. Josh has on a shirt that is probably a gift, not an intentional purchase. Okay, I could buy my own shirts, all right? I’m staying out of it. I bet you… I would’ve bought that shirt. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you would have. It’s a good shirt. You would have. Just kidding. Bidet dealer. This takes a lot of conniving. This is like a strategically… I’m not gonna say evil person, but like thoughtful. Who’s got the stratagem? I think Josh has got some good strategy. Okay. You know? Dreaming up what the Mythical Kitchen, you know, tackles? You know, new formats, all that type of stuff, that strategic thinking you’re channeling in a positive direction these days, and I’m glad that we’re part of your rehabilitation. These days? Thank you for the opportunity. Not a long time ago, these days. Not last year. Now quick reminder, if you haven’t listened to Stevie’s new podcast, “Best Friends Back, Alright!” check it out. Stevie and her high school best friend Neagheen, they’re getting to know each other, it’s touch and go. Is their friendship gonna rekindle? There’s a through line. It’s touch and go. I’m a fan, Stevie. “Best Friends Back, Alright!” Wherever you get your podcasts. All right? All right. All right. I stalked Hoobastank’s Doug Robb. The second I heard the sounds of the band Hoobastank, I instantly became a Stank Head. Is that what they’re called? I was obsessed with front man Doug Robb, Agoura Hills isn’t far from LA, and it was fun seeing him around town getting paninis. I was arrested after breaking into Doug’s four bedroom, four bathroom, 3,245 square foot home to steal his toothbrush. I knew I was wrong, but in Doug’s classic lyrics from his number one hit song, “The Reason,” “I’m not a perfect person.” Oh, how does that go? I almost know this one. ♪ I’m not perfect person ♪ No, no, no, no. We will get a copyright strike. No, no, no, don’t sing Hoobastank! Our heinous crime is that Hoobastank sued us. “There’s many things I wish I didn’t do.” Hoobastank. I feel like I’ve heard Emily talk about Hoobastank. Yeah, we gotta move this one over. I think we gotta put the orphanage in Jenna’s hands. Yeah, for now. We gotta give Hoobastank to Emily. Which is by default, we’re gonna go with Mikayla on, I steal from a tall man and a less tall man. So apparently this is currently happening. I steal- I know two guys, a tall man and a less tall man. This is just your Wikipedia. One wears glasses, the other has long hair. They are dumb. And I steal a lot from both of them. Sometimes I steal big things, like their flat screen TVs. And other times, small things like their finger jewelry. When they ask me where their things have gone I always make up something stupid like, Chase needed it for the show. Or sorry, a bird must’ve got it. And the always- A bird got on my little finger? It got my jewelry? And this is the kicker, I don’t need their stuff, it just feels so good. Mikayla. Now Jenna has access. Jenna, she has all of our keys, she has all of our… I don’t know, you got our passwords. I don’t what you got. Yeah, she’s got access to passwords. I mean, this is- Social security numbers. A lot of trust is at stake in this relationship. I don’t know if you should tell people all the things that I have of yours. It’s a lot. Yeah, I mean, we just thought so highly of you until today. But I mean, this is a Mikayla thing. I mean, maybe she- Look at that. Maybe she stole that sweatshirt. I’ve heard her refer to us only as the tall one and the other almost tall one. I have said that. Less tall. Okay, well, are we locked in? Have you ever said our names? I’ve noticed you just call me less tall one. Yeah, sometimes I call you glasses. Sometimes I’ll give you the- The cold stare of Mikayla. Always looking at my pinky rings. Okay, are we right? You are not, no. Oh. Okay, well, which one are you? I am, I burnt down the orphanage. Oh! It was empty! A Chicago orphanage? I believe it. Yeah, there are some that are abandoned. There are a lot of abandoned buildings in Chicago. Like, it’s ridiculous. Not the big ones, but like the smaller ones. So it’s like a house? A small orphanage. Yeah, a small orphanage. But I’m a little dramatic when it comes to professing love and stuff like that. How’d you know it was abandoned? Did you go in- I checked. You checked? I checked. How did you check? I went in. But what, were you like, hello? Yeah, hello, yeah. Orphans? Anybody in there? What’s up? Bring the ice cream truck and see if anyone comes out, and if they don’t, it’s fine. If they don’t, it’s cool. Anybody here with dead parents? Anybody here wanna be adopted? High five. I was about to say to Josh, I was like, isn’t any house you’re in an orphanage? Any time to high five dead parents, yay. Normalize it, parents die, it’s what they do. They die, it’s okay. Right, right, right. We’re friends, guys. Wow. You made it out. I made it out. I’m a bit dramatic. You’re reformed. Yeah, I’ve changed, I don’t like fire anymore, I like water. Oh. You’re a water woman. I’m a water woman, yeah. I can still see it in your eyes. You should buy a bidet on the black market. Don’t test me. To burn it all down. Don’t test me, less tall one. Okay. Don’t test me. Jenna, are we right about you? This is correct, yeah. You say it so matter of factly. What flat screen TV have you stolen? I think the question is why have I not missed a flat screen TV? Well, first of all, you guys, this isn’t about you. Oh. It’s not about you. Okay. These are two other people. Two other guys. Two other guys. Oh okay. Yeah, it’s not about you, don’t worry. Wow, okay. I’d rather not know, actually. Yeah, I feel good about it now. Yeah. As long as it’s not about us. I know we’re right about the Hoobastank. Yeah, and first of all, it’s pronounced pa-nin-us. What is, his name? No, what he liked to eat. Paninus. Paninus. I don’t know how you pronounced it. The plural of panini. Panini or whatever you said. Pa-ni. Pa-ni-ni. A paninus is what you get when you put your mm-hmm in a George Foreman grill. Yeah, yeah. But it doesn’t have to be big, it’s like any size paninus is a good paninus. As long as you got to stick it in there and clamp it down. Yeah, totally. Depends on the size of your George Foreman grill, really, that’s the limiting factor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The personal ones, you know. That’s what I call my paninus. It’s a George Foreman grill. Yeah, so I went in, I got in his house. He just left the door open. Yeah, right. I mean, it’s Agoura Hills. And he was like, “What are you doing in here?” And I was like, “Well, the reason is you.” And that’s how it went down. Then he was like, “Get out of here.” And I was like, “You caught me.” Were you gonna brush your teeth with it or take DNA from it or resale it? I was gonna resale it. Or sleep with it, I don’t know. Oh, everything. You can do everything with toothbrushes. But yeah, I was gonna resale it, for sure. Okay, black market bidet dealer, huh? Yeah. It’s complicated, the stratagem. It’s really not though. ‘Cause I didn’t get the actual map from Reddit. I went to Reddit to see how you could find restaurants that had bidets. But most of all, I learned how to weaponize people’s B-hole shames very early. The shame about their B-hole pleasures. Everybody wants a clean B-hole when you go to the bathroom, so you knew that the demand was there, all you need was the supply. You go on Yelp!, you control F search bidet inside the actual reviews, you find out who has them, you go, a pair of wire cutters, you just get them off there and sale them, super easy, you’re making like a 300% profit return on that. Overhead was super low, it was basically gas, I drove a ’95 Ford Taurus at the time that got like seven miles to the gallon, so it was really just like, how fast could I get from San Clemente to Mission Viejo and you know, get the bidets out there. I had like a small team. A small team? Yeah, I mean, it was like three of my buddies and a couple- All with wire cutters like just yanking bidets? Yeah, I mean, sometimes you’d need like an Allen wrench, ’cause the new models. This was before like Tushy and the mass market bidets really came out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you’d actually need like an Allen wrench to unscrew it. And restaurants they don’t do like theft loss prevention stuff with the bathrooms. Right, of course not. Well, how’d you extract yourself from this? Oh, I really just kind of scaled up. I bought my way out of it. We all put in an initial, you know, couple hundred bucks in this business, and I was like hey… And I think the ring’s still running strong. If anyone in the South Orange County area knows about this underground, you know- I think you guys gave the wrong kitchen dude a podcast. Oh, he’s already got one. I got out clean. Oh yeah, he does have one, I forgot. He does have one. Defense cased us, it was when I was under 18, so they expunged it from the records, didn’t show up on background checks. I don’t know what to tell you. Okay. Right yeah, ’cause I was thinking, it didn’t show up on your background check. Sure didn’t. Yes, it didn’t. Well, Daddy don’t like ending this “More.” A Taurus, huh? Yeah. Smashed the back windshield with a shot put. Cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not intentionally. Tight. Actually, Daddy do like ending this “More.” Check out Stevie’s new podcast, “Best Friends Back, Alright!” on Spotify, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts. Be sure to follow us, so you don’t miss an episode.