Welcome to “Good Mythical More.” Can we look at the inside of greeting cards, this one’s sexy, and figure out what’s on the outside? It’s like getting a punchline or payoff, can we predict? I understand. You know? You might be asking yourself, why is Rhett or Link, and Link, who just got fish guts on them in those clothes? Totally clean. Why do they look like they didn’t get fish guts on them? We’re doing something crazy. We haven’t even filmed that part yet though. Oh, wow. We’re doing the more first! So really this is the episode in our minds and what you want, you know things we don’t know, because we haven’t even filmed the main, and we’re doing the more, so this is the main for us and that’s the more for us, but it’s the main for you, and this is the more for you. Yeah. And that’s, that’s really your problem. Right, you have to deal with that. What if one of us dies in the main? Oh, this will be really awesome. And then the more is like, we came back to life just long enough to do the more. Then this is the last piece of “Good Mythical Morning” that will ever live on the internet, maybe? Yeah, we could probably come up with a better concept. We should, well, just, we really gotta deliver. I’m really gonna deliver on this, “What’s the Word?” Just put dramatic music under the whole thing. Like strings. We’re going to guess the definition of the word “jentacular.” Jentacular. Spectacular? Right. Genetics. No, with a J. Oh, spectacular genitals. Yeah, ’cause that’s how you spell genitals, with a J. Jentacular. So it’s basically the “jen.” That’s a spectacular Jennifer. It definitely feels like something that like someone’s parents of a Jen said, “Oh, I hope you have a jentacular day, Jen.” You know? And then she like just died of embarrassment. Yeah. Because all her friends heard it. ‘Cause everybody, yup. Because it was like, it was over like a megaphone. Dad don’t ever say that again! When dropping her off at first day of high school. You get back into the car at the end of the day. Dad, you embarrassed me so bad this morning. Uh, dad don’t ever do that again. Uh! I want you to drop me off a couple of blocks from school. God dad! My mom would drop me off a couple of blocks from church on Sunday mornings and I’d walk to church. ‘Cause she didn’t want people to know that she was gonna be late. She wasn’t ready. Yeah. She wasn’t ready, and I was like, mom, I can’t be- They’re calling me “Late Link” at Sunday school. You gotta get your makeup on quicker girl! And it wouldn’t happen, and then finally I was like, just drop me off and then go back and get ready. And I was like, you can drive half away and then you’ll save time in turning around. So you walked into church? I walked a couple of blocks, yeah. But who wouldn’t say what? But it was she her hair and her makeup wasn’t ready. You walked all the way home? I don’t think she wanted to pull all the way through and be seen in. But I sold it as like she could save time. So it was like a win-win. Right. God, mom! You negotiated with your mom in order to get to church early, is what you’re saying, as a child? On time, yeah. As a child. Yeah. Okay, that tracks. Well there was choice. No choice in him going, you wanted to be there on time. Yeah. Jentacular means of a pertaining to a breakfast taken early in the morning or immediately on getting up. “I took a post jentacular walk.” You know, scientifically speaking, you really should avoid eating in the first hour after you wake up. Why? There’s some Stanford scientist, dude, I can’t remember his name, who has a podcast. And he’s always talking about the latest research and stuff and he did this whole episode that was about intermittent fasting and like all this stuff. And one of the things he talked about, he was like, if you make one decision about like food windowing, if you’re not willing to go on an eight hour restriction window or something like that. I’m not! Don’t eat within the first hour after waking up. And then he went on to explain it. But all I took from it was okay, that thing. I don’t do it, I’m just telling you. If you really care about your health, wait an hour to eat after you wake up. Now I expect there to be lots of laughter when we read these, right? “Or share a pizza with me in bed, whatever, equally sexy options.” Nobody? No, no laughs. “Or share a pizza with me in bed, whatever, equally-” So this is basically like- You know, you can do something which basically implies a sexual connection, a real sexy, sexual connection, or just eat a pizza with me in bed. So how would you ask that question? Tonight, you can have anything you want. Tonight, you can have all the pie you want. No, no-no-no. I think it’s just on your birthday, let’s go out for pizza. You deserve it! No. It’s just a normal, it’s not leading. It’s just about going out for pizza. Wrong. You think? How is that an equally sexy option? You think it’s? It says- Oh, equally sexy option. It’s gotta be like, tonight, you can have me on a platter, something like that for your birthday, you can have me on a platter, or you can have pizza with me in bed, equally sexy options. Hmm, okay. Or something like that. Tonight you can have me on a pizza stone. Or you can have pizza with me in bed, equally sexy options. This year for your birthday, you can eat me like a pizza. Yeah, uh-huh, now you’re talking. Let’s find out. That might be it, I don’t know how dirty they went. Oh. “Draw me like one of your French girls.” Okay, yep. It had nothing to do with pizza. “Draw me like one of your French girls, or share pizza with me in bed, whatever, equally sexy options.” Oh, ’cause it’s a zoom-out joke. You see that, it’s a zoom-out joke, Link. It’s the same. Oh! It’s the same pug. You ever had a pizza in bed? You know that date with Janna? Hmm. Yeah. We ordered pizza and we ate it on her bed. Hmm. But not in bed. No, we weren’t under covers. And then yeah, I never kissed her and she dumped me. But is your bedroom at home, is your bedroom in general, a no food place? Not, it never happens, never ever. I’ve never eaten- Well, you know what, one time I ate cereal in bed. Okay, so that time I ate cereal in bed. But I kind of did it, I was eating cereal, and I wanted to be with Christy and she was already in bed. So I thought it would be a funny joke to bring my cereal up there and just eat. You did it as a joke. I did it. That was a funny joke. To eat in bed with her. That’s a funny joke to eat cereal in bed. Cassie makes that funny joke every night. Really, okay. Cereal though? Cereal specifically at a certain time, late, late, late at night. It’s a long ways. I mean, I’m not saying I live in a mansion, but it’s a long ways from my fridge to my bedroom. It’s like the furthest two points in my house are like my bed and my kitchen. So it’s not practical at all to do that. And that we don’t have a television. It’s not that far, man. No, it’s a mansion. Yeah right, man. Don’t make me say I live in a mansion. How close is your bedroom to your kitchen? I live in a very small house. And it also that yeah, the kitchen and the bedroom are on the same floor, mostly ’cause there’s only one floor. She does it every night though? She eats? Yes. Are you watching- She’s a late-night cereal eater and her metabolism is freaking crazy. Are you asleep when she does? Yes. Man, she should call me. She should call you when she’s having cereal late at night? Yes! You go to bed at like 8:00 PM! Not on the weekend! On the weekend, I’m eating cereal late at night. Okay. I go for it on the weekends. I’ll have her call you. Party hard on the weekends. Well, okay, so you would, you might think that given my relationship with food, that my bedroom is like a place where lots of eating happens well, that is true, but I never have food there. I knew you were gonna go for that joke, I saw it coming. Don’t open it! That’s not how this works. I literally never had food in my bedroom. Oh, I eat in bed all the time. It does not cross the threshold. And I don’t have any food in my bedroom either. Is there a screen involved, Stevie? Do you watch stuff in bed? Do we have a TV in our room, yeah. Okay, you, do you have a TV? No, but we keep talking about it. You keep talking about it? For 20 years, we’ve talked about it. We don’t have a television in our bedroom either. We’ve slowly gained TV. Like at first we didn’t have a TV at all. We were like we don’t need a TV. And then had one in the living room. Then it got into a bigger one in the living room. Then one in the bedroom, and now it’s just all downhill from here. Now the walls are just TVs. Yeah. It’s like a Circuit City. It is a threshold, right? It’s like a Circuit City in your bedroom. I mean, what kind of impact does that have? You end up watching more TV in bed than in the living room? Yeah, I mean- But when you fall asleep watching something you’re in bed. Well, Cassie’s a big sports person. So like all of the sports channels, like, which is white noise to me, it really does not bother me at all. And it, so yeah. So she got a basketball game going like in the room? Always. Like there’s always some kind of game on or some kind of horrible interview. Like why are we listening to this interview? This person’s not saying anything but yeah, man. Sports interviews, recently I threw the ball! Jessie and I made that observation, we were like? Why do they do all these sports interviews, because they all say exactly the same. That’s what I’m saying! THey’re just like, it was a team effort tonight. You know, I really gotta hand it to ’em, but the guys- Like it’s just like we’re saying the same four things over and over and over again. Yes! I love watching sports, but the sports interviews? We gotta come up with, we gotta mix it up a little bit. Oh no, I will get shushed if I interrupt. Cassie’s like, shut up. Yeah. They’re gonna say something very insightful right here. Yes. They’re gonna say the same thing again. Okay. “Happy Birthday, from the pains in your rump roast.” Happy birthday from the pains in your rump roast? What? This is such a specific card and the reveal is so specific. Pains in your rump roast? So this is someone who likes to be spanked. And? And cook. And also cook. Hey, nasty chef, happy birthday. Happy birthday, nasty chef, that’s what it is. Hope the pains in your rump roast- What is it? From? “Happy birthday from the pains in your rump roast.” Oh, so this is from a person who causes the pains in your rump roast? Sorry about last night. Happy birthday from the pains in your rump roast. Okay, so the outside of the card starts with like who the recipient is, comma. This is for- Mom. Not mom. Grandma. What? To a real pain in the butt. Who likes to cook. Oh, yeah. It’s like to mom, from kids. Yes, but not mom. Dad. Yes. And there’s some meat stuff going on here. Dad, you’re the best meat guy that we know. Dad? Dad, you really have a way with your meat. Dad and meat stuff? Yeah, this is. This is scary. Dad? Nobody does meat like you. What is it man? It’s “Dad, you’re the prime rib of the family.” Happy birthday from the rump- From the pains in your rump roast. Man, that’s good. We’re the pains in the butt. Yeah. We’re your family members. And dad likes to cook that prime rib. You know what we like to do, pay attention to our hair. People do ask us, what do you do with your hair? Well, this is what I do with my hair. I put Mythical Clay pomade on it, that’s what I do. Mythical Clay pomade, fierce but flexible. We also have the non-clay. People ask me. Less fierce hold, that’s not as fierce or flexible. What do you do with your beard? Well, mostly just let it grow, but also put Mythical Beard Balm in it, to keep it tame, to keep me looking like I have an address. And you also use the beard oil. I don’t have the other pomade in here, but we have like a less firm hold, our original pomade. Very highly rated on Amazon, show some love. You can get it Amazon.com/Mythical delivered prime shipping. Leave a review, read the reviews! We’re not embarrassed by the reviews because they’re awesome. And this thing? Made outta real wood, you know, you got hair like mine, you gotta the knots out all the time, this will do it. Right in the shower. It’s a very good brush. And we’ve got Mythical lip balm, unlike any other you’ve ever used and tasted. Again, very highly rated, very reputable ingredients. Candy milk and peculiarly perfect peanut butter peppermint lip balm. My personal favorite. And even a magical, musical comb that plays the GMM theme song. Did I do it backwards? I think it’s upside down. Yeah, that’s it! We’ve got Mythical hand lotion, which smells great on everybody. I love it! Everybody. Everybody, and also this amazing carrying case. That’s canvas! Get your personal care products, care for yourself personally. Mythical.com and Amazon.com/Mythical. Let’s see the next one. “Relish your success.” So this is a hot dog pun perhaps? Relish your success? Happy birthday to the top dog. Yeah, this is probably- Well, you know, they don’t all have to be birthday cards. Happy? Deepest condolences to the top dog. That’s what we’re going with. “Relish your success.” Yeah, in this moment of grieving, remember you’re a successful person. I mean, It’s not that bad, you didn’t lose your job. “Hot dog, you did it!” Oh, oh, oh. Hot dog, you did it, you lost a loved one. . I mean, it’s all about what you write. Yeah. In there. Perspective! “You can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time, happy birthday.” Oh, so this is a booby and fingertip joke. This is a- Not fingertip. Finger-tit? No! Your boobies? Your boobies are sagging so much that they’re down at your feet. Oh pedicure, yeah, feet. So this a? Toe-sies. Happy birthday, saggy lady. So you’re turning 80. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think it’s probably less direct than that. Like- You’re old. Right, how do you say that? So you’re? Getting old, isn’t that bad. Yeah, and it’s probably got her saggy boob-ed. You can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time. Yeah, that’s it, man. Look on the bright side of being ancient. You could be like Joaquin Phoenix in “Her.” His profession was writing greeting cards. Oh, I was about say, I don’t remember him having saggy breasts in that movie. Yes! “You know you’re getting old when your booms hang so low you can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time. Happy birthday!” So, but why is she bending over though? She should be standing up straight and her boob should be dragging her toes. Yeah, I think that’s good feedback. That was probably version one of the card. And then they saw what it looked like, and decided to go a different direction. I do think we should make our own line of greeting cards, and the first one can say, “Happy birthday saggy lady.” Yeah, okay. Rhett, you’re getting good at this. I’m down for that. “Just in queso you didn’t know, you’re the best, happy birthday.” Taco about a birthday! This one is for a nephew. Just in queso you didn’t know. To the cheesiest, I don’t know. Dip. Dip? We’ll be dipping in and outta your birthday party later, we have another commitment. They’re just like, but hey, just in case you didn’t know you’re the best. To my Mexican food-loving nephew. Any hint, Stevie? No, the nephew is the hint. But I do, we really are coming up with really great greeting cards. Yeah, right-right. The next one can just say “To my Mexican food-loving nephew.” “Happy birthday, saggy lady.” Well, listen. It’s great! I bet that there’s a lot of Mexican food-loving nephews out there. Yeah! So a lot of people would get that. Yeah, top selling cards here. Or could it just be, “Nacho average nephew?” Ah! You were real close with your initial thing. Yeah, the taco birthday. Taco ’bout a nice nephew, just in queso you didn’t know you’re the best, happy birthday. Okay. We’re gonna only be there for 15 minutes. This is fun. Where are grandma and grandpa? Huh, they have a life son. Or aunt and uncle, I guess. “Shake your tailfeather, birthday girl.” Tailfeather? Bird. To the hottest chick. Yep, yep, there we go! In the? To the hottest chick in the clique, shake your tailfeather, birthday girl. You? Is that it? It could be, to my fried chicken-loving friend, you know? I mean, it could be just another food preference. Right, right, they do get specific. To my fried chicken-loving niece. Shake your tailfeather. Yeah. I think you’re on the right track with chick. To my friend who loves peacock. No. My peacock, chick? Shake your tailfeather. What’s another, what other bird? Oh, it could be like, I know you love Twitter. ‘Cause, you know? To my friend, who’s always tweeting, like a little birdie. Can’t get enough of that platform. It’s your birthday, put down Twitter, and? Quit touching that little bird on your phone. Is this what it’s like to be in a room writing cards. Yeah, well yeah. Then do they do it backwards? Probably not. It this is the last one? This is it, huh? Yeah. This is a grand finale? Well, so I’m going with officially, quit touching that little bird on your phone. “Party like a flock star.” Oh, oh gosh. We would’ve never gotten that one and no one should have ever come up with that. “Party like a flock star, shake your tailfeather.” Is this for somebody who likes birds a lot or specifically flamingos? Yeah. Definitely. Okay. To my flamingo-loving nephew. That’s what we’re gonna do. Show the flamingos in your life some love today, send ’em a card. Unleash your legendary style with our line of Mythical grooming and personal care products available now at Mythical.com.