Welcome to “Good Mythical More.” Here we are. There you are. You’re gonna watch us make a burger, and the other guy’s gonna make a burger using totally different ingredients. We’re gonna see which burger’s better. Two different burgers. Two different totally burgers. But they’re totally burgers. They’re totally burgers and they’re totally different. And they’re different and they’re totally burgers. But first. Jinx. I’m going to give you a random disturbing fact. Give it to me. The man with the longest beard in the world, Hans Steininger, died from his beard. What? Yes, the man with the longest beard in the world, Hans Steininger, died from his beard at night. “1567, he was trying to run from a fire. Due to his beard’s length, Hans accidentally tripped on on his long beard. He lost his balance and fell, breaking his neck from the unexpected accident. He died instantaneously.” Really? 1567, you know that’s what happened, huh? What? A little reporter was there? He instantly, he’s dying, you know? So he didn’t die in the fire. He died from running from the fire. From his beard. He snapped his neck. I’ll never make that motion again. He snapped his neck. From his beard. When you talk about somebody’s beard, do this. Don’t do this. Beard. Jordan, come on in here. Help us out with this draft. We need a qualified judge. Oh Jordan- And of course- This has become such a delightful time in our Mores. Jordan Myrick. Thank you. Just to have you here. Is here to tell us what’s what. Wow, I love being here. To make a, help us make a decision or for you to make a decision based on us being backed into a burger corner of sorts. I’m excited. Okay, so we’ve got all these ingredients that are burger toppings, and each one of these based on what I’ve been told, is an ingredient, or a condiment, or something that you tasted. You want it like that? Over at Sporked and determined to be a good thing. Yes. You have been given the right information. These are all different ingredients that we tried at Sporked, and they’re things that tasted delicious. Mm. Now, we don’t have to pick a burger. Or a bun. So at least we’re not fighting over that. So go ahead and tell us what have you chosen as our burger base? That’s so interesting. That’s information I wasn’t given and I didn’t make these. I know what it is. Oh, you know what, here it is right here. Let’s see. It’s a Bubba burger. Perfect. Okay, we liked these both as well. So this is perfect. This is BUBBA’s burgers. It tastes so much better than any other frozen burger on the market. We tasted so many of them. And they’re preformed. Yes, they’re patties. They’re ready to go. They’re ready to go. You can throw ’em on the grill. You can throw ’em on the stove, whatever it is. All right? Okay. Notice I’m not doing that to my burger. Okay. All right. I will take that into account when judging. Thank you. And then Arnold Country Potato Sandwich Buns. I love a potato bun and I think the world does too. Yeah, I do too. When I went off to college, I discovered that you could buy bread that was potato bread. Yeah. That was a great discovery. That’s all we ate. Yeah, yeah, college. You learn a lot in college. I didn’t have it at home, but I had it at college. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Who’s gonna go first? Well, we started with you. You went last time for the last draft. So Link, we’re back to you. You’re starting. Okay. Ooh, first position’s always woo, what an advantage. Well, I’m looking for the cheese. There’s cheddar cheese, there’s Swiss cheese. I’m gonna go with cheddar cheese. Dang. Mm. Okay. Well, I gotta go with Swiss cheese because I gotta have a cheese. and I assume you like a cheeseburger. Now this, I mean this cheddar here is very white. Yes. White cheddar. This is white Swiss. Yeah. I heard one time, and don’t know if this is true. Wow. No cheddar is is orange naturally. They add food coloring to it. Yeah. Is that right? That sounds right to me. I heard once that Swiss has holes. Yeah. They add the holes to it. That looks right to me. No Swiss is holeless. Now, Swiss cheese- That is correct. This is strong. This is strong. Taste it, y’all. Swiss cheese- About the cheddar. Thank you. Yeah. Takes a, it really packs a punch. But if you really like it, you might want two slices. Yeah, but the Swiss is kinda weak. So what are you gonna do? You gonna double up? I think so. I think. I think. Do I seem like a person that likes a cheesy burger? Yes. That’s because I am. Yeah! Two slices for the win! There few things more disappointing than getting a burger and it’s not a cheeseburger. Absolutely. If you didn’t like a cheesy burger, I would not trust your food judgment. You know what I’m saying? Yeah. Absolutely. I think that is completely fair. Okay. Link, back to you. See, I’m trying to figure out, should I go ahead and take bacon off the board? Bacon’s good. That’s right. I got to take bacon off the, I was actually thinking about mayo. Oh! Interesting, because, so was I. I’m not afraid to take bacon from you because I did. This is where this thing is gonna get a little squirrely. Can we talk about the bacon? Talk about it. There it is. You can try the bacon right now. This is delicious bacon. It’s crispy, but also fatty. It’s salty. This is the best bacon on the market according to Sporked? It’s very, very good. Shoot. And what brand is that? I can’t, hold it. I’m embarrassed. I’ve never known how to pronounce this. Nueske’s. Nueske’s? New-esquez? New-esquez. Emilio New-esquez. New-eeskis. It’s apostrophe S, it’s ownership. So it’s- Nueske, Newes- Nueske’s. Nuskies. Nuskies? Newskis. Where’s it from? Wisconsin. Oh, Nueske’s. Nueske’s. Probably. Right? Why is it so much better? It’s the perfect balance of crispy on the outside like glass, but the inside is still meaty like you want from bacon. It’s so fatty. It’s salty. Smokey. It’s got a little of everything. It’s a good, it’s a good bacon. It’s gonna do a lot for your burger. Dang, that’s a good bacon. Mm-hmm. Okay. Wow, I’m hurting now. You got the two things that I would’ve gone for, which is the cheddar cheese and the bacon. So you weren’t really thinking about mayonnaise. You were being strategic. Yeah, I was hoping he would choose it. Yeah. But let me just say- Nuski. Nuski. Gesundheit. You would think if you start with a Swiss, you might wanna put mushrooms and go mushrooms and Swiss, right? Here’s the problem with that strategy. I’m listening. I’m thinking ahead, thinking out loud. There’s so many other things that I’m gonna be stuck with. I typically, for a mushroom and Swiss burger, I just like to do mushroom, Swiss, and maybe a little bit of mayonnaise and some pepper, right? I hear you. But I feel I’m living dangerously today. So you know what? If I take, what ingredient should I take from him to compromise his burger is what I’m thinking right now. Not what, it’s like when you’re playing chess, do you play defensively or do you play offensively? I have so many ways I can go. I don’t think you can block me. I think you have to, my personal strategy is, I think you have to make your best burger possible. It’s also hard ’cause I can’t see the board. Yeah, it’s right behind you. So it feels like, I know, but I have to like, I’m feel I’m like in the center. I want you to be surprised. Makes me feel like- Someone’s going to be stuck with barbecue sauce. Can I just go ahead and give you a little bit of a heads up? Someone’s gonna be stuck with barbecue sauce. That’s so strange. I’m fine with that. Yeah, that doesn’t seem like the worst thing on this board that someone could get stuck with. Right, and especially if you’ve got cheddar and bacon already. But what about Swiss and mushroom and barbecue sauce? Yum. Okay. All right. Mushrooms. I’m glad you took that. So did you actually choose the best mushrooms or is that just mushrooms? These are just mushrooms. But they’re the best. Yes. What kind of mushrooms are those? The like, the quintessential? I think they’re button mushrooms, I would guess. Or maybe like a baby portobello if you’re really fancy. Button mushroom? Right? I don’t know. There we go. I just do packaged food. I don’t know about stuff from the ground. Now I’m at a point where- A crossroads, they might say. I’m really feeling like I’m going for a Rodeo Burger today. Ooh! Okay. So I am gonna take the onion rings. I don’t think Burger King invented the Rodeo Burger. But they just perfected it. But they did sell it. Okay. Jordan, these don’t look, these don’t look great, are they? Take a bite. Yeah. Hang on there, lemme try one. Thank you. This is Red Robin, huh? How good is that batter? That’s so good. It really is great. Mm. It’s so seasoned. Also, you can bite into the onion ring and the whole onion doesn’t slide out in that weird kind of disgusting way. Yeah, it does. Yeah. The Rodeo Cheeseburger was created to coincide with the release of the film “Small Soldiers” in 1998. It was originally available as just a cheeseburger topped with Bull’s-Eye brand barbecue sauce and onion rings. Wow. 1998. “Small Soldiers.” Gesundheit. I love this thing you’re going with. This is working. I didn’t hear what you said either. I just, I’ve been, you know, I’ve been confirming things late and I felt the need to confirm “Small Soldiers.” Oh. I love that. You’re right about this onion ring. It’s very good. It’s so tasty. It’s nice to know this. Listen, I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna push Sporked too hard, but I just gotta say onion rings is not the type of thing that I would go out and buy. Don’t push too hard. But then I tasted this onion ring and I’m like, this should be in my life. And I only know about it because of Sporked. And you could too. Yeah. I thought you were gonna say you should too. Yeah. Make it forceful. You should too. You should too. That’s good. Okay. I’m gonna, I’m taking your advice, Jordan. And I’m playing offensively. I’m taking, I’m just like, if I’m making this burger, that burger doesn’t exist. Yeah. I’m at your house. You’re having a barbecue, which I’m assuming will happen this summer. Yep, yep, yep. Multiple times. And you’re making a burger for me, your friend Jordan. Yep. Wow. That sounds fun. Yeah! He we are. Jordan, can I ask you, what- Oh no. I’m just wondering why are you clenching your fists? Are you going to- I’m gonna punch one of you. Are you feeling aggression? And I’m trying to decide who. I don’t know, just as you were talking, I just like, I just felt an energy and I didn’t know what it was, and I looked down and you were like. But it was really the right fist, which means the cross hook to come to you is the thing that Jordan was just ready. Wouldn’t that be hilarious? Just all of a sudden- I just clocked him out of nowhere. You’re in the middle of a conversation with Rhett. I’m trying to get into it, and boom, just without looking. I would love it. That’d be awesome. I’m gonna go mayonnaise. Love that. You know what? Don’t, don’t change for. No, now I’m doing flat hands on the table because I’m insecure about what you said. Don’t change for anybody, Jordan. I don’t know why I was doing that. I think I’m just like ready. I have a lot of excited energy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like if you look, my leg is always bouncing, and so I think this is like, I’m ready. Put a fork in this and a knife in this, and let’s go. Yeah, anxiety and excitement are very difficult for your body to tell the difference. Yeah, and I have both at every single moment that I’ve ever been alive. And you really like Hellmann’s mayonnaise. Yes. Hellmann’s mayonnaise is delicious. When we first got it, we were like, okay, yeah, this is like normal, boring mayonnaise. Who cares? We’ve all had Hellmann’s. But trying it against other mayonnaise, of which we had so many, it really does taste extremely good. Duke’s? It beat out Duke’s? It did. But I also love Duke’s. Duke’s is what I use in my house, so everybody still has their own personal preference. But if you’re looking for like the best standard mayonnaise that you could serve to anyone that anyone would like, it’s Hellmann’s. Bring out the Hellmann’s, bring out the best. That’s what they say. Yeah. Everything you say now I just think about you saying it and then me being like. Hey, welcome to the club. I don’t like how much you’re connected with Rhett. But yeah, work on your stage punch because we need to work. we need to do that. Okay. All right. You have to go across the face and then he turns at the right time. Yeah. Like, and then do you slap your chest to make a sound? No, don’t do that. No, don’t do that? No? Okay. Well, I’m so scared I’m actually gonna hit you on accident. Like that? Okay. Yeah. You gotta go faster. Well, yeah, that was a stunt. That was a practice. That was a walkthrough. Okay. Okay. Whoa! Look, knocked his glasses off. Hey, and we added a sound in post and it was very realistic. That’s awesome. Yeah. Did I do good? No, you smiled too much. Oh, I love being punched in the face. Your glasses didn’t come off. Okay Link, you’re up. I’m mad that you took my mayo, Hellmann’s. Yeah, you’re a big mayonnaise guy. I know that. Oh, we got dill pickles and bread and butter pickles? Somebody’s going to be stuck with one or the other. I like one and not the other. That’s what I’ll say. I gotta go with the barbecue sauce, obviously. Bring that in. And I am curious what your favorite is. Famous Dave’s. Listen, you would see this at the grocery store and think this is garbage. There’s a cartoon pig on it. It’s in a plastic bottle. Especially compared to how many like, boutique barbecue sauces exist now. Oh, good gracious. No, that’s the amount of sauce I like. He’s doing a good job. Whoa, wait! Wait! Don’t put frickin’. Punch him. Punch him. Thank you. I thought you, I thought you would like to taste it. Yeah, but I don’t. This is Jordan’s plate. All right? But isn’t that good? It’s very smokey. Yeah, it’s smokey. It’s called sweet and zesty. It is both sweet and zesty. It’s thick. It’s not too sweet. It’s like perfectly balanced. I don’t know, Jordan. What? North Carolina guys don’t like real sweet barbecue sauce. Yeah. This is hard for us. But what I will say is that on a Rodeo Burger, that is kind of the sauce that you, you want the sweet sauce. I bet it would be good grilled as a glaze. Sure. Yeah. Yeah, I might not make brisket with that, but I think for dipping chicken nuggets. Never sauce a brisket. Or putting it on a burger, you know. Never sauce a brisket. Always ask for your sauce on the side. Now we come to the mustard crossroads. That’s what I call it. We got the brown, we got the yellow. We’re gonna come to a pickle crossroads later, which I’ll also, depending on, hmm. Depending on, well. I’ll say this. I think you need to be careful right now. Oh, I am walking a high wire right now. Okay. Yeah. ‘Cause I think there are a few things that could really go poorly with yours right now. Yeah. This is dramatic. There’s one thing in particular that I definitely want to avoid. There’s actually two things. I think, yeah. There’s two things I want to avoid. Okay. But again, I’m sticking with- Is this one of ’em? He punched both of us. Double punch. Double punch. Why? Jordan? The right choice for this at this point is brown mustard. Okay, great. I love that. I love mustard. I love all mustard. Again, I’m not thinking too far ahead. I’m trying not to be the- The fact that I’m obligated to, am I gonna make you put both mustards on? You could. Depends on how much strategy you’re playing with. I don’t even, I actually don’t want either one of these. So I’m gonna go with a, do I want a dill pickle or do I want a, I like a bread and butter pickle. Can I have another spoon for spreading? But I think I need a, I think I’m gonna try a bread and butter pickle on this. It’s a little weird, but I’m gonna try it. That’s good for you. Yeah, I’m about to say. That’s really good for you. I think he made a mistake there. What brand is this? These bread and butter pickles are, wait, I have to look. Oh, Trader Joe’s! We actually loved them. Trader Joe’s can be really hit or miss for us. But these bread and butter pickles are some of the best on the market. Those are good. They’re good, right? Wow. Okay. That’s how much mustard you want? You’re gonna take the other ones? You think that’s a lot? Wow. Okay. You, you are, you’re crazy. I am. Look at that. I mean, if this doesn’t make you feel special, I don’t know what it does. It does! I love this. Okay. You got two guys clamoring to make you a burger. Incredible. Okay, so now I’ve got yellow mustard, ketchup, or dill pickles. The only thing that I actually want from these three ingredients at this point is dill pickles. Yeah. So, but then Link has an opportunity to stick me with something that I definitely, you know what? I can also choose the amount that I put on. That’s true. Right? And I don’t necessarily, yellow mustard is not gonna ruin this burger. I don’t really want ketchup on there. But ketchup, mustard, and mayonnaise, especially with brown mustard. Actually, I think it’ll just add a little bit of acidity and a little bit of sweetness. I think it’ll be okay. I’m going with the dill pickles. All right. Oh crap. Okay. Yeah, I definitely don’t want any of these, but I think a little bit of mustard will help. And you really like Kroger yellow mustard, huh? Yes. Once again, we tried so many mustards and Kroger is one of the cheapest, but it’s also one of the most delicious. It’s tangy, there’s no weird aftertaste. It’s the perfect level of salt. Who would have thought? Not me. And I’m automatically stuck with ketchup, which I did not want on this burger. That’s okay. But again, I didn’t want- I didn’t want ketchup on mine. I definitely don’t want ketchup water on it. Always shake your ketchup. I think this is nice though, because you have mustard and mayo and ketchup, which one mixed together kind of makes like a burger sauce. Yeah, it does. You know what? And we are now done. 100% right about it. Why don’t you, mine’s ready to be smushed. I’m gonna let you do the smushing. And then, no, do it over here so we don’t, Oh, sorry. You don’t wanna hide it behind the mic. So smush just the hell out of it. Well, don’t. Do what you would do. Okay. What do you, you tell me first, and I’ll stop touching it for a second. He’s like, I want you to do it and then he starts telling you how to do it. I want to smush it. Just punch him. As hard as you possibly can- Punch him! Can without hurting yourself. Okay. And then, yeah, chest compression. Well, you said as hard as you possibly can. Listen, you want to cut it in half. Okay. You’re not gonna eat the whole thing in front of us. I don’t know. We’ll see. I haven’t decided. Oh, you want me to do it? Thanks, KG. Okay. I would never ever do this. Right. Right. You’re not supposed to. You don’t cut a burger. You don’t cut a burger. So why? It’s a TV thing. Okay, so that’s why you wanted me to do it. Because you’re only taking one bite. See, I’m giving you a good bite there. It’s a TV thing. Okay. It’s a TV thing. This is TV. Okay. And you bit it upside down. Mm-hmm. It needed to be microwaved, probably. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yes. Okay. It looks kinda dry. It’s a little dry. Lemme take one more bite and get a little more pickle in it. She’s giving it a shot. I like that. Okay. Again, you can go to Sporked to see all the best burger toppings. They’ve created a destination for the best burger toppings. It is at the sporked.com homepage. Every time I go over there, I’m like, man, I find myself going to one useful article after another. Don’t push too hard. Don’t push too hard. I’m just saying. I love that. Like, the whole point of starting Sporked was because we, there was a felt need. And I find myself feeling the need for it. That’s nice. You know, my dad didn’t realize we were a website until about three days ago. He thought that my full-time job was making about six TikToks a week. That’s what I thought too. No, I’m the senior staff writer of a website. He’s like, “Oh, Jordan’s working real hard.” Yeah. Okay, this one. One video a day. This burger is good. It needs more sauce. I’m sorry. And I also would’ve picked the cheddar. I love the flavor. Yeah. But it’s a very dry cheddar. Yeah. That’s why like an American cheese is so good on a burger because it’s like fatty, it doesn’t have that dryness. This really feels like a cheese you’d put on a cheeseboard. Yeah. Whereas this cheese, this is a wet Swiss. It’s a wet, soft Swiss. Look at that. Yeah. Look at that. It is wet. I love a room temperature cheese. I love just letting cheese sit out of the fridge and turn this- Huh. Come on. Taste his burger. Well, I need to know how he wants me to eat it. If, listen, you know, when the barbecue happens, and- And I’m coming over. I present to you this burger. Yeah. I’m just gonna say hey, here you go. Okay, great. And give it to you like that. And you do whatever you want to. Okay. Great. I’m gonna give it a little push. Let’s stay here, I’m just gonna eat it like this. And then everyone will be like, get back in the pool! And I’ll be like, I’m tasting Rhett’s burger. Right. Uh-huh. Okay. It’s gonna be a good time. Get back in the pool. We miss you in the pool, Jordan. Mm-hmm. Now of course, what I would’ve done is I would’ve melted the cheese on top of the mushrooms if, you know, that’s what’ll happen over the summer. Absolutely. But, so this is just a sort of like a, an approximation of what will happen. 100%. I’m gonna take one more bite because I gave Link’s burger two bites. Yeah. I think it’s just a little disparate. Disparate? It’s got two species of pieces of Swiss cheese. It’s got three sauces. It’s all over the place. It’s got pickles. It’s got mushroom. It’s disconnected. I think it’s wonderful. It’s disparate and desperate. Okay. I’m ready. Can I have a drum roll? The winner is Rhett! Yes! I took the Swiss road, but I came down the mountain! Girl! I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I like yours better. You see that? You see that? Oh! Oh. Okay, that took a turn. I thought you were gonna punch me so I gave it a little kiss to try to stop you. I deserve it. I like, it’s okay. Hey, I like your- Oh! Oh, okay. Oh! I like your burger. Okay. I like your, all right. And so yours won. – Thank you. And why? What’s your reason? Well, I do. I like this burger better in theory. It reminds me of high school when everyone would freak out for Carl’s Jr.’s Like two for $4, like barbecue bacon burgers. But I don’t think you put enough sauce on it, considering that the cheese is dry. I’m sorry. And the onion ring is a little on the crispier dry side. Yeah. But I like the bread and butter pickles more than I thought I would. Yeah. Yeah. This, I think the two slices of cheese and all the sauce that I peer pressured you into putting on it really helped. Get back in the pool. That’s nice. I gotta go swimming. Build a better burger with the help of the Sporked team. They create a destination where you can find all their burger related rankings in one place. Sporked.com.