Welcome to Good Mythical More. You got to know which animals you want on your team, when the ones that you don’t choose are coming for you. That’s right. That is the exercise that we are preparing for today. But we have a exercise that’s gonna happen before that. Listening to a voicemail. Is it just me, or does Rhett look like the guy that’s on the front of the Burt’s Bees hand salve container? You mean Burt. Yeah, that’s Burt. Yeah. He does look like it. I’ll take that. You have the same, similar facial structure. Maybe it’s actually my dad. A lot of. You don’t think your dad is your real dad? Well, I don’t know. My dad is only 5’9 I’m 6’7. He’s bald. A lot of people say maybe the milkman got in there, but maybe it was the lip balm man. Did Burt deliver lip balm to your mom? A little more than just honey, apparently. Burt is a real person, and. He doesn’t own the company anymore, though. Well, Clorox owns the company. Right. But even when Burt’s Bees owned the company, he wasn’t in charge of it. Burt’s bleach is my favorite brand of bleach. Burt was always just the icon of it, but I don’t think even, anyway, it’ll be more fun to talk about this. Okay, so let’s talk about the argument on the internet from a while back that led y’all to this particular thing, and that was the man versus bear thing and asking women if they would rather, basically, what, how is the question phrased? Well, this is a, this is a Reddit thing. The thing you’re talking about is more, I believe, more of a TikTok thing. Which is, if you were out in the woods. Yeah. Alone. And you had to encounter either a bear or a man. Or a man. Which one would you choose? And like, it felt like 90 percent of the women chose a bear. Well, and did you see, there are a lot where men were asked too. And they also chose the bear. No one chose the man. Right, but, if it’s just another hiker. That’s not really what was, like. Okay, that wasn’t what was implied. Yeah. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. So. This is a Reddit question. The question is, your options are 50 hawks, 10 crocodiles, 3 brown bears, 15 wolves, 1 hunter, 7 Cape buffalo, 10,000 rats, 5 gorillas, and 4 lions. You must pick two that will defend you while the rest are coming to kill you. Which do you pick, and why? Okay. I have not seen this Reddit thread, so I’m going totally on my analysis. Let’s just step through them. 10,000 rats. That is a lot of rats. Good gosh, that’s a lot of rats. That’s so many rats. That those rats could coordinate to become something else. In like a Voltron sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or Power Ranger. What’s the new Power Ranger? Because it was Voltron, then it was Power Ranger. What do the kids? Does Paw Patrol, do they all go together into like? Carney, what is, does your kid have something that like is an amalgamation of things? Well, she’s two and a half, so she’s the perfect age for this question. Okay. You don’t know. Get it. You got to get ahead of these things. Like a thousand Ms. Rachels combined. Can you imagine that? Thankfully, I don’t know, who Ms. Rachel is. Oh, bro. Yeah. You gotta watch Ms. Rachel. She has piercings. 10,000 rats is – You know about that? – Formidable, and they’re smart. Rats are so smart. And they’re smart enough to sacrifice themselves for the group. It’s like, they’re like bees with fur. And they also can reproduce. And basically you have an endless supply. It’s an army. It is a, it is a replenishing army. I mean, the next closest thing is 50 hawks, 50 hawks. I mean. That’d be trouble. From the sky. Talons like crazy. It gives you a completely new angle of attack. They don’t have hands. Remember that. They got wings. They have wings. They got wings. And they have talons. Sometimes I forget that they only have feet and wings. Sometimes you look at a bird and you’re like, where are the hands? Where are the hands? They’re in the wings. The hands are the wings. They’re inside of the wings. Right. Never forget that. Every time I look at birds, I’ll be like. Where are the hands? Where are the hands? There they are. They’re staring you right in the face the whole time. The hands are in the wings. Stevie, why are you laughing? You never thought about that? Cause I genuinely believe that you think that when you look at birds. And that is really funny. They’re in the wings. Well, for a bat, you know. And here’s the thing. It started with me thinking about bats. Hawks. Can be well trained. They, I mean, I don’t know, I’ve never seen them do much besides fly away and come back. It’s like a boomerang with feathers on it. But they seem to be loyal. These 10,000 rats might be tough to take home with you at the end of the day. I think they’re totally trainable, dude. – Rats. – They do want to stick together. You could be the rat king. Four lions. Lions are lazy. Where are the hands on that thing? They only work at night. They have paws, which, and they have a hell of a hairstyle. But they, they’ll attack for a little bit. They have no endurance. And then, for like the next week, they’re just eating what they, and napping, what they. Right. I think they’re motivated. They’re so food motivated, I don’t know if you could train them. I’m not feeling good about lions. And they will turn on you. Yeah. They will chomp you. Unlike, I mean, just ask, Either Siegfried or Roy. – I can’t remember which one. – Whichever one. 15 wolves. Trainable. Dog like. Thinking about 15 wolves walking with you and flanking with you makes you intimidating. I mean, 50 hawks, 10,000 rats walking with you, that is also a problem. But a guy who walks around with 10,000 rats is, you don’t get cool points. You know? There’s fear, but it’s not like that guy’s cool. You got 15 wolves or 50 hawks circling above you at your beck and call. You can still like. You’re cool. You can still, like, go to the club. – You can go to the club. – Because if you’ve got 15 well trained wolves and you’ve like rented a table. Right. You could probably get those wolves to all be around the table. 50 hawks probably take up a lot less space than people realize. You could probably get 50 hawks in two large backpacks. Bottle service for my hawks. 10,000 rats? 10,000 rats, we have a problem wherever we go. See, we’re thinking about the lifestyle pre-attack. Well, in that case, how do you feed 10,000 rats? I mean, the grocery bill is going to be astronomical. PetSmart. They feed themselves. Might as well just live in the PetSmart. They feed themselves. Scraps. Constantly just going in places. As you walk the neighborhood, they’re going into homes and businesses. Just pillaging. Pillaging and coming back and handing it out to everybody else. It’s a pirate’s life for me. Right. 10 crocodiles. How long can a croc be out of water? Ooh, Rhett! Because the main thing I’m thinking is two of the crocs, the two lead crocs, I’m in the water, and I’ve got a foot on each one of them. Just a Waterworld situation. So you’re skiing on? I’m skiing on two crocs, and I’ve got eight crocs in a diagonal formation behind us. I will point out, to ski on a croc, you have to have a certain velocity. Have you seen how fast a croc can go with that thrusting tail? Well, you’re going to need it. They can stay on land as long as they want. They breathe air. But do they need the water for their skin? Nope. Well, there you go. So crocodiles have just been choosing water? I think it’s, to hunt. I could be wrong with that part. Three bears after all this talk. Three bears. And what’s this, a fairy tale? Yeah, that’s right. Yeah. This is stupid. I mean, they’ll, there’s only three of them. I mean, what’s to say? Can we come up with anything positive about these bears? I mean, good God. I mean, I do think that if you had three well trained bears who went with you everywhere. Like rolling on barrels and? I do think you might be the most entertaining so far of any of these people. I think you have to be like Slovenian or something. Well, it helps. It helps. Cape buffalo will kill you. They’re very dangerous. I saw a video yesterday of, a young lady chomping on some sugar cane and, and all, up runs this Cape. It might not have been a Cape buffalo. Back up some. It was a water buffalo. Okay. So the thing that drew you in was a young lady chomping on some sugar cane. Is that, is that, you’re into that? Well it said, it did have the text and it said, I’m calling my pet. – So I was like. – Oh, okay. I do want to see the pet. It wasn’t the young lady chewing the sugar cane that was the only reason you stuck around. No. And then this buffalo, water buffalo just runs up, looks like it’s gonna just, just obliterate her, and just circles around and starts eating the sugar cane. They can be friendly, but I don’t know if it’s a Cape variety. These are eaten by lions. Yeah, but, but seven of them, and you can ride these pretty reliably. I don’t know, but they don’t, they don’t have hands or feet. They just have hooves. They’re got, they, you gotta be behind them to have them kick. They’re just not that versatile. But you’re gonna, it’s gonna be in conjunction. You’re gonna have two sets. You know what I’m saying? Oh, we’re each picking two people. – Yeah. – Two animals. There’s only one person up here. Unless you count gorillas, which I almost do. Gorillas? Five gorillas. That is a social group that I would like to be a part of. Outside of this game. What would they do to you? Nothing. I don’t think you. Harambe was going to do nothing to that child. Nothing. He was helping the child. But they can get ferocious. – They are herbivores. – They are a specimen. You can go, and I do want to do this, because there’s only, there’s a, I don’t know the facts on this, but it’s something like this. There’s only like, two groups of gorillas, like, two places where gorillas are. And within that, like, if you look, like the number of gorillas that are still in the wild is like, less people than live in Buies Creek or some crazy stuff like that. Like, it’s, there’s not very many out there. And here we are taking five of them. Well, yeah, so I am thinking about that. But you can go. Uganda is one of the places, because I’ve got, some friends who have done this. You can go to Uganda. You can go to Uganda! And it’s like, If you’re gonna go to Uganda. If you’re gonna go to Uganda. Then you can, you can, you hike for, I think it’s a day at least, and you go out there, and then there’s a lot, I mean, there’s lots of TikToks of this, these people with gorillas. Are there Port-A-Johns along the way? Probably not. Okay, my wife’s not going. But you just basically sit out there, and then, you know, there’s the guys who interact with them all the time, and basically every single day there’s a group that shows up, a group of people, so part of these gorillas lives is, okay, these folks show up every day. These tourists show up, and we know what we’re gonna do. We’re gonna like, they’re gonna come up, they’re gonna have these things, they’re gonna snap these pictures of us. Yeah. And then, maybe every once in a while, the silverback will like grab somebody by the leg and drag them a few feet. Oh, really though? Yeah, yeah, but that’s as bad as it gets. Nobody gets killed. So, they’re more docile. They’re not, no. They’re ferocious. But. – It’s controlled. – It can break you like a twig. But you can’t train them. Oh, I think you can. This thing was basically like 6 million, a few million years ago, however many millions of years ago, we had the same granddaddy. Yeah, I mean, if they can learn sign language, they can learn to snap a neck. They already know how to do that. And they would be the most, like, just straight up friends. Right, right, right. – You would be like. – My companion. These are my friends. Fireside chats, out the wazoo. These are my actual friends. Yeah, yeah. That can also snap your neck very, very easily. So I’m attracted to that. The hunter. I’m into expanding my social circle. Now let’s, let’s say for the sake of argument, not this particular hunter. Yeah, I’m not, I don’t have a lot of confidence in that guy. Like his posture. In. I don’t know. This guy is actually not a hunter. – He is a stock photo guy. – Stock photo. Yeah. – Like seven minutes later. – I choose the hunter, and then he shows up. You’re like, you’re just a stock photo hunter. Seven minutes later he was a clown. Seven minutes after that he was a school teacher. Right. He’s out of the job now though. Thinks to AI, but. Chase knows how he feels. Yeah. You know, and I guess Davin sometimes now too. Yep. Is Davin here? He could be standing right here. I wouldn’t know it. But okay, let’s talk about this. So, if we’re talking about a skilled hunter who has the latest and greatest equipment. Like that guy from 1883 who fell in love with the woman who I didn’t have much patience for. Right. I know what you’re talking about, but the 2024 version of that guy. Yeah. Like Indiana Jones meets Val Kilmer. We may have some political differences. Yeah, we might, yeah, right. But, you know, he can still be a part of the group. He’s carrying, he’s carrying a lot of the weight for the group. If you’re going on any type of safari. You gotta have that guy. It’s like, here, here’s 15 wolves. They’re trained, or here’s a guy who’s familiar with all of this. And it’s hard not to choose the guy. And has a weapon that can take any one of these things out in one shot. And they’ve certainly, all of these things have been killed by the humans. Really, really tough to argue. So, we’re fighting over the hunter now. Yeah. Because only one of us gets the hunter. Or we both just say, you know what, we don’t need, we don’t need another friend. Except the gorillas. Well, we each get two, and then what’s left attacks both of us. Okay. Well, how do we determine who gets first choice here, Stevie? Well, I lost the game. Can I go first? I just thought you were doing it together, but since you’re doing it not together. Yeah. It’s more interesting that way. I, you know what? Link has, Link has now lost six of those mains in a row and it’s just, he, I, Link, Link needs to go first. But I don’t, I don’t want the guy. No, because. When I die, the story will be that this, the guy that I was with sucked. It wasn’t gonna be like, when I die, I’m dying with 50 hawks defending me. That’s. – Yeah. – That’s how I wanna go. Yeah. Because I am gonna die. It’ll be like, he just went around with this hunter who shot animals. Right. I wanna remind you they don’t have hands, cause you tend to forget that. Well they do, they’re just inside of the wings. Well, okay. The wing is a hand, if you will. Yeah. Now I don’t know how to pet these guys. – I will say that. – One side at a time. Right. I killed, I killed a couple of them I don’t even know how to pet them. – I actually. – I have 48 now. I actually think they don’t care to be petted. Right, right. Do birds wanna be petted? Your choice. You going for the hunter? No. You talked me out of it, because I don’t want to leave that legacy. Right. I don’t want to die in shame. 10,000 rats. It’s just too hard to say no to. There’s so many. I don’t think we have any idea how much rat that is. I know. It’s so much rat. Yeah. – They can overwhelm. – Yeah. Any of these things. They can kill the gorillas. And they are, they’re. Easily. Oh, yeah. That’s the best choice. They would bite so many times. Do I want 15 wolves or 5 gorillas? And listen, if all 50 of your hawks grab one rat in each talon, that’s still only 100 rats. It doesn’t even change the way my rats look. But we’re friends, so. Oh, we are? Yeah. Okay, so we’re not fighting each other? We’re not fighting each other, and I think that 15 wolves could kill 5 gorillas. Now, how many wolves would survive? Maybe three, but fifteen wolves beats five gorillas. Fifteen wolves easily beats ten crocodiles. Because once a crocodile is eating one wolf, all the other wolves are just biting. Biting this and nothing’s happening. You bite this, a wolf ain’t getting through that. He’s eating one wolf. Fourteen wolves are fighting. There’s ten of them! Oh, yeah. There’s, okay. There’s five left. There’s five wolves. There’s a wolf in each croc’s mouth, and then there’s five wolves left. That doesn’t work. Here’s the thing, no wolf has ever. All right, so the crocodiles beat the the wolves, But a crocodile has eaten a wolf. But I tell you, have you seen those videos of the? I think the crocodiles beat the. The Jaguars eating. Gosh. The caimans. That’s pretty crazy. How many? One at a time. How many total? One. They’re solitary hunters. How many caimans? One on one. Okay. But it’ll jump into the river, and bite it on the back of the head, and then drag it out of the water. That’s cool. But it’s a caiman, it’s not a croc. So I think the crocodiles, I think the crocodiles are, no, I’m in croc territory. Well, especially if you draw everyone to water, like. Whenever you get attacked, you run to a body of water because hawks have problem with water. My hawks pick me up in a. 50 hawks can’t do it. 50 hawks can’t pick me up? Nope. You need a hundred at least. Well, I’ll slim down. Now, I’m sorry to throw this in so late, but I will say regardless of what either of you pick, there is someone who will be fighting both of you. And here he is. Oh, gosh. Hey guys, I’m still a bit upset with you for firing my original 10 feet tall partner, Morgan Freeman, and now I have to deal with his texts. All day. Every day. All day, night long. So thanks for that. All day, night long. So Mike didn’t make the cut to the main episode, huh? He got his own episode. Who are you choosing? We gotta wrap it up. Again, this is more of an emotional choice. And I’m just thinking about what every other moment when I’m not being attacked would be like. And it’s the gorillas. Going with the gorillas. I grabbed gorillas. We can communicate about all kinds of things. We can share stories. And then we’ve got the rats that make us feel safe. Alright. Well, the hunters picked us off from afar. So, we’re toast. Watch the Mythical Crew Reunion with Alex, Mike, John and Jen on the Mythical Society right now.