Welcome to Good Mythical More. Uh, you’re here to find out what is the best fast food napkin. And we got all of the napkins and we got all the opinions. So let’s figure it out. Yeah, we do. But first, a little freeze frame. Okay, um, let’s start with Domino’s. How are we gonna test these? So we have, there’s eight over there. Hand feel, mouth feel. They’re like twelve. All right, so. Do you, first of all, do we give points for there being a logo? Because I feel like the… – I feel like I like it. – I like it. I do, I feel like I like it. But I feel like this is a weak napkin. It’s an ad for dominos.com and it has a call to action. Order online. I don’t love that. I’m already eating there. Do they think you’re gonna stash these in your glove box or something? Look at this. What is that? It’s two ply? It’s two ply and I’m… That’s good, that’s a good find. But. I easily separated it. Yeah, but no one’s gonna do that. Two napkins. It’s two, you double your napkin. At Domino’s. I’ve multiplied the napkins. But, this feels like… I don’t know. I might wipe my hands with it. I wouldn’t wipe my face with it. And I definitely wouldn’t wipe my butt with it. No, you’d scratch your butt if you did this. And is that gonna be part of the test? It’s real, real hard. I’m just trying to tell you right now, this is not butt wiping material. I know that’s not what it’s made for. Well, no, but you should, when you have fast food napkins – in your, in your glove — – Box. Compartment. That’s for side of the road emergency. Sometimes. Sometimes all you got is a fast food napkin. Now I’m gonna, I’m gonna hit it with a little, um, pizza sauce. Well do it like this. Do it like this, like a commercial. Yeah. Well, and this will be the same every time. Right. This is just like one of those commercials for a pad. For a pad. Notepad. A note — A notepad. We’re talking about post, post-it. We’re talking about menstrual pads. And now, what’s happening? Can you see through? Oh yeah, that, I can see the glob. Do you have a penny? Do you have a penny? Now is that? Do you have a coin? I don’t have, I don’t carry coins. No one has coins. I feel like we could drop a penny on it. This is not the one. All right, it hasn’t gone through, but leave it to the side and just see what happens. All right, so, uh, I feel like we might need to go with a, a monetary… Value. Not monetary. Just numbers. Numerology. It’s really hard to anticipate. Let’s give it a score in money. You know what? I pay three cents for that napkin. Out of ten, It doesn’t, It’s not as absorbent as you need a pizza napkin to be. I can’t imagine a napkin being much worse than this. This is a bad napkin. But it gets a point for having a logo. I’m gonna give it a two. I’m gonna give it, yeah, I’m gonna, all right, I agree. We’re not gonna have to do any math. We’re just gonna agree on the score. It has a two. Okay. Is that refreshing? Hmm? For anyone who would do math? Arby’s. No logo. Feels pretty pliable. Would you wipe your butt with this? I wouldn’t want to, but if I had to, this is… Oh, look. Look! If I… what? What? You can fight a bull with it. It’s so big! Did you discover how big it gets? It’s so big! And it’s, it’s not, it’s not double ply though. Like if you need a quick mask? The thing… You know? Anything. You gotta put your mouth hole… A bib. I think it needs to be able to be a bib. For the meat mountain? Look at that. If you’re gonna climb the meat mountain. Yeah, that works. Don’t you think it’s odd that it doesn’t have the logo on it? No, it’s Arby’s. Yeah, I do not like that. Yeah, I wanna know where my napkins come from. Yeah, that’s what I’m saying. Like, any opportunity, oh my gosh, have you watched, I watched um, baseball, um, unwillingly the other night and the amount of, uh, ad space on fricking every, like every, like the digital, like logo that’s on the pitcher’s mound and then you have the banners and then you have like the helmet things and the, it’s like crazy how many ad placements. It’s a lot. So, Arby’s can’t even put their own logo on their own napkin? – That seems weird. – We need to start doing that. I was think, I was thinking that. Like, we need things, like, we need a logo up there. Like, just like, digital stuff, man. Yeah. I got no shame. You know, I was recently having, um, lunch with the head of Major League Baseball, uh, at my luncheon. Oh. And… once I met him and I realized he was the head of Major League Baseball, I was like, yeah. Oh my god, what are we gonna talk about? – Not baseball. – Not baseball. You’re gonna talk about your right field experience? Right. How I prayed that the ball wouldn’t come to me. It’s like the most religious fervor i’ve ever had was as a t ball player. Right. Um, I just talked. Yeah, I talked about myself the whole time. Oh good. Good. Good. He was interested. Good. So it went the interest went that direction. Oh, which is nice. But he’ll — I was like dude you’ll put a logo on some stuff. Did you say that? No, but he was talking to me about how baseball is a lot faster than it used to be. Oh, yeah, yeah. And I’m like, well… The ball, you mean? Or just the whole thing? Can’t say that I noticed. He said that, he said that whenever you turn on baseball, you are more likely to see nothing happening. And I was like, that tracks. And then he said, but we’ve made some changes to baseball, so now… Clock. If you just turn it, if you turn on baseball, you’re more likely to see something happening than nothing happening. Pitching clock was a big thing. Can you squirt my napkin? Yep, yep, yep. So this is single, It’s single ply. But it’s so big. I think you should do it, should you, But it comes in a double ply. You know how, if your car breaks down on the side of the road, under some circumstance where you’re supposed to put a white flag in it, I think this could work with that. But it’s brown. I think it looks white in the world. Same amount as last time. What is it, if you need, if you’re coming back to your car, you put a white thing in your window? What is the rule for this? Beer before liquor. Never sicker. This is pretty good. As you can see, it’s not spreading as it did into the dominoes. It’s staying in one place. It’s not leeching. And hold it up, let me see the see through ability of it. Oh, it’s nice. I mean, it looks like it’s about to come through anyway. It’s nice though. Alright, so we’ll leave that one down. Oh, it’s what’s to signal that you need help. What? It’s known as the quote white shirt thing. I knew something about it. It’s to get help, but I didn’t know enough about it. I thought it meant I’m taking care of this. I don’t need help, but, so don’t tow my car apparently – Don’t tow my car. – Apparently, it means the exact opposite. Yeah. Now. I don’t like that it doesn’t have a logo. – But, does it really… – It’s not even embossed. but it’s, it feels better. It is a better napkin than Domino’s. How many napkins do we have to go through? Oh, we got 12. Let’s cut. Let’s go. We gotta hurry up. All right. I’m gonna give it a four. Oh. Oh gosh. Oh, no. Oh, oh, oh gosh. It’s like acid. One. Giving it a one. I’m giving it a one as well. Arby’s, you failed. Okay. Ah, Arby’s, you made such a mess. Now I will say, you know, there’s no shame in if you had to, a stack of Arby’s napkins that you needed to pull out and use. There’s a little bit of shame attached to the Domino’s ones, you know? There’s like, do you have a napkin? Because they say Domino’s? Yeah. Yeah. I’m just, you know. Oh, you stole these from Domino’s. – That’s a good point – Arby’s could be from anywhere. Yeah. It could be from a funeral home. We’re picking up the pace, just like Major League Baseball. Yeah. Five Guys has what I would call a perforated A home napkin. Home napkin. It’s got a home napkin. This is great. If it’s good enough for your home, it’s good enough for Five Guys. And does it have a logo? It says something. No. No, there’s words. No, there’s not. There are tiny letters. Those are just perforations. No, on that side, but on this side, there are tiny letters. I think it’s Wingdings. They got Wingding napkins. They catch a little bit of stuff. Now are you opening it all the way up for the ketchup test? Oh yeah. I have to. It’s pretty soft. I’m gonna start blowing my nose in. It’s very white. This one really works for the face. I can go all the way up the nose. Ketchup. Ketchup please. Which I like. This one’s doing better. Yeah. It feels like it’s gonna break. All right, put it to the side. So we’re talking, I mean, right now, it’s at a good six. We’re at a six for five guys. Do we really need to hold ketchup with a napkin? Well, yeah. Subway. Subway’s an easy target. Starting behind. These are the roughest napkins. This is like made from recycled plastic. Oh my gosh. Oh, and it’s just, it looks like the, the paper towels in a public restroom cut in half. Yeah. And, and this is, you got spikes on it. This is as far as it opens up. It’s got spikes on it. This is not, this is not going down south. – I’ll tell you that. – Load me up. Oh yeah. you might as well just, you might as well just let the dingleberry hang around for a while. Okay. Here we go. You’ll be going straight to the doctor if you use this thing. Don’t wipe your butt with a subway napkin. Don’t wipe your butt at a Subway. Don’t go in a Subway. Uh, this is I mean, it has an exfoliating factor. I don’t wanna blow my nose with this. I’m giving this a two. I think we’re giving it a two. Two’s fine. Two’s fine. Now, these are also brown. Mcdonald’s… – Let me test this… Five Guys. – Does McDonald’s brand… Oh, it’s holding. Yep. Does McDonald’s brand their own napkins with a stamp? Yes. Of course they do. So instead of printing on it. Ooh, this is good. It’s just a… They smushed the double arches in there. It is… Oh my goodness. It’s three folds, and then it unfolds again. It’s pretty soft. It’s as big as an Arby’s napkin. Do I, do I prefer a white napkin or a brown napkin? Brown feels like it’s probably better for the environment. It does feel like it’s been recycled. You know what I’m saying? It hasn’t been like bleached or something. Unnecessary. Oh, I really, I get, load me up. And then when it gets dirty, I think it’s less obvious than a white napkin. And people don’t know that you got them from McDonald’s unless they look really close. Yeah, so I’m giving this a seven just off first first blush. This is… The way that it folds, the way that it’s soft, the way that it’s embossed, 100 percent recycled paper. It says it right there on it. Yeah, extra point nine. Uh, I think we’re at a good nine. McDonald’s has got a perfect napkin almost. Let’s keep going. Over here. Wendy’s. This is… Immediately cheaper. a more opaque, same form factor as models. Very, very brown, but, oh gosh. What is, this is not napkin. What is this? It’s smooth. It’s smooth. What is it? There’s nothing. Is it tissue paper? It’s tissue. It’s for — It’s for gifts. It’s just for gift bags. It’s for gift bags. You just, they’re, they just bought tissue paper from Kirkland’s and made napkins out of ’em. Yeah, they did. That’s what Wendy’s did. Right. There’s no embossing. Look at that. Isn’t that pretty? But maybe that’s good. Sticking out of the top of a… – Sticking out top of the birthday bag? – Load me up. Load me up. I mean, it’s gotta be a little gift bag. I’m running out of room. Can I? Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, so this is Wendy. Wendy’s, I don’t like this. It’s not a napkin. Four. I kind of feel like this is a N/A. – Like, maybe just a — – Yep, not a napkin. A DQ, if you will. In N Out has the whitest of napkins. Yeah. Um, it fits their aesthetic. It doesn’t, is there, is there any In N Out, any hidden Bible Verse, anything to note? I don’t see anything. It’s very translucent. Oh, it’s almost got… Look at that. You see what just happened? – It’s almost got like — – Just a slight little pull. It’s got like, holes in it. Like look, there’s actual holes in it. It’s falling apart. I can’t breathe through it easily. Oh, it’s a holy napkin. Maybe that’s how they get the Bible verse in it. Can you, can you please, load me? This is the most tissue like. I don’t like this one. It’s white. It’s white. It’s weak. It’s weak. It’s tishoey. Tishoey. It’s tosh. It’s to tishoey. Two. Two. Oh my gosh, Papa John has literally public restroomed it. This is what you were describing earlier, Stevie. Yeah, that’s crazy. But this is, this is actually it. This is a, this is a warehouse worker bathroom. You know what, they got other stuff they need to worry about. You know what I mean? Yeah, right. This is just like, not on the list. This is awful. This is an insult. What? Negative two. This is awful. It’s strong. It’s strong. Oh. It is strong. Trying to come up with something to say. Do we have to go through with this? So it doesn’t count. It’s not a napkin. So, N/A It’s a bathroom towel. Alright, what is this? Get rid of these. Taco Bell. Taco Bell. Do they have anything? Taco Bell looks exactly like, who is this? That’s McDonald’s, man. It looks the same as McDonald’s. It’s not embossed. It’s no McDonald’s. It’s not McDonald’s. It’s smaller than McDonald’s. It’s smaller. It’s only a quad panel. And I can almost see through it. Oh. There’s a rough side and a really smooth side. My nose pierced it. Oh really? Yeah. See if your nose can pierce it. Pretty easily, look, look, just. Oh. Some parts are stronger than others. Yeah, my nose pierced it. Yep. You don’t want your nose to pierce a napkin in an opportune time. This is, nothing absorbent about it. It is a napkin, though. I give you a four. It is a napkin. Yeah, we’re gonna give it a four. We didn’t, we didn’t, um, we didn’t ketchup it, though. Well, let’s do it, then. And then we’re gonna go to Popeye’s. Has nothing to do with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally separate IP. Nothing to do with it. Whoa, whoa. That’s it? This is a thick — Oh no, there’s more. This is a thick — Oh, there’s not more. – napkin, but it’s only… – It’s got the multiplication thing. This is as big as it is. Look how little it is. Weird. It’s a weird napkin. I mean, you’d think across all of these fast food places, someone would source… From the same manufacturer, but no, none of these are – The same this is… – That’s pretty hard. I think it’s more absorbent. It’s no subway. It’s got a geometric optical illusion stamped into it It kind of looks like your shirt which we sell. So the quilted pattern here… Maybe that holds more stuff. Let’s try. I’m feeling pretty impressed with the size to strength ratio of Popeyes. I think they’re using less material. Maybe the least material of anybody, but it’s strong. I don’t like it. It’s perforated. It’s not too hard. It’s too small. I’m lobbying — No, but… I can’t make a bib out of that. There’s thickness to it. I might need a bib at Popeyes. Well, I’m still kind of lobbying for a six, if not a five. I’ll give you a five. Oh, we’re giving it a five. Um, I feel like we’re about to get into repeats. We have to. Like, this is Popeyes. All right, we’re halfway through. No, we’re in the last two. What is this? Burger King. Okay, so Burger King, they copy McDonald’s on a lot of things, right? Sometimes. Well, they didn’t do it with napkins. They’ve, they’ve done the Popeye’s napkin. It’s the same exact size as a Popeye’s napkin. But it’s not the same pattern. No, it folds out. Okay. I was wrong. And it’s meant to fold out. Yeah. Well, who is this? Who is this like? Is this like… This is… Alright. They have the exact same as Taco Bell, which makes sense. Aren’t they owned by the same people? It’s the same… It it, yeah. It’s the exact same napkin. It’s the same exact napkin. We did it, we found it. We found it. Burger King and Taco Bell have the same napkin, so whatever we gave Taco Bell. We’re gonna be consistent. But they’re not owned by the same thing. They’re not. That is so weird though, that none of these have logos, and yet, um, none of them use the same source. Except those two. And get ready for this, Jack in the Box, as our final entry, is rough and tumble, – Oh, it’s the same exact as Popeye’s – It’s the same as Arby’s. Literally the same exact as Arby’s. Yep. Wow. Popeye’s and who? Arby’s and Jack in the Box. No, Jack. Jack In the Box and Popeye’s are the exact same. Wow. And I keep pushing. I keep saying… They got the same exact one. I don’t know where Papa John’s is. I moved this. This is Jack in the Box. Same pattern. Yep. Jack in the box and Popeye’s. Same thing. So whatever we gave that one. It’s a miracle. And Taco Bell, and what did we say? Taco Bell and Burger King have the same napkin. And then Popeyes and Jack in the Box have the same napkin. The only napkin in the fast food industry that has a logo painted on it. Printed on it. Domino. Domino’s. But far and away, in our opinion, the best fast food napkin, by a long shot, because it’s got the best of both worlds, it’s embossed, it’s kinda soft, it’s recycled. Starbucks. It’s pretty thick. And it’s very big, it’s McDonald’s. Congratulations, Ronald. It’s last call for this year’s Good Mythical Evening video on demand. Go to goodmythicalevening.com so you can watch it now.