What’s happening? What’s happening back there? Nothing. Welcome to Good Mythical More. We are going to try the most delectable, non alcoholic, but seemingly alcoholic beverages on the market. Yeah, we’ll be the judge of that. According to Sporked. Literally, but first we’re going to donate $1,000 to the National Foundation for Affordable Housing to aid in their mission to create solutions to address the affordable housing crisis nationwide. And you can join us in giving at Foundationhousing. com. Foundationhousing. com. Come on in, Gwynedd! Gwynedd. Bring it. Bring it. Hi. Hey, hey. Let’s do it. Scoot it. Scoot it. And um, Scoot it. Raise it. Scoot it. Have you raised it? I think I’m pretty tall right now. I feel tall. This is good. Alright, so what you been doing over there? I’m happy with my stature. At sports. So, um, in advance of, you know, the holidays and stuff, we’re like updating a lot of our lists of the best non alcoholic beverages. So I brought some today. Are you a connoisseur of this or are you just like represent this for the people? I feel like I’ve been like a really enthusiastic alcohol consumer for like a lot of my life. But as I got older, it became harder and harder to consume a lot of alcohol. Yeah. So I think that. Knowing, like, what is a good non alcoholic beer is really useful info. Alcohol is getting a lot of bad press these days. I’ll say. People are drinking less and less of it, aren’t they? Yeah. There’s just so many people talking about, oh, it’s poison, it’s poison, it’s poison. We’ll go to bars and they’ll have, um, all types of mocktails. Even at bars. Yeah. I know. Well, they gotta do something They gotta do something. I know, you know what’s crazy, though? When you go to a bar and a mocktail costs as much as a cocktail. Like 16, 24. I know! $24. There was a non alcoholic. Oh, there you go. It’s starting. Or continuing. Yeah. I was going to give this back to you, but something tells me there’s more coming. They’re throwing the towel at you. Okay, so this is a Sierra, Nevada. This is our favorite non alcoholic beer. And it is Sierra, Nevada, Trail Pass Golden. It’s a golden ale. I like this company. Will you hand me, will you hand me one? I’m opening this one for you. Okay. Thank you. Unless you keep using your pouty, don’t use the pouty voice now. Please. Come on. Oh, please. If, uh, Ha ha ha ha. If, I know how to make Christy mad. If she. If she says something That brings her into a large group of Hey, stay out of my story! Oh, damn! I’m giving a self deprecating story. I don’t need to be externally deprecated. Hey! Hey! What the hell? That’s right! She’s gonna make her pouty voice! I will say, if Christy says something to me He hit me in my eyeball. Oh, I’m sorry. You want some beer in it? Yeah, thanks. Give me a real beer, dammit. If I tell, if I tell her, don’t, don’t, don’t use your pouty voice. Mm hmm. And she, especially when she’s not. She’s not using it. It makes her so mad. Yeah, it’s like telling somebody to calm down. It’s worse than that. But in fairness, you were kind of using a pouty voice. I do, I do all the time with my poor husband too. Please. Is it effective? Yeah. Who wouldn’t want to stop hearing that? Do you have a certain name for him when you’re using that voice? Is there a nickname? No, well, no, not really. Do you have a pet name for your husband? Yeah, I call him Timmy. Timmy. I call him Tammy. Tammy. Tammy. Tastes like beer. He’s a beautiful Tammy boy. Tastes like beer. So I think that’s like, okay, it sounds boring to say. All right. How many alcohols? How many calories? There’s so much like towel dust. So it actually does have less than half a percent of alcohol. I think a lot of them do. So they’re doing a little bit of something to get some alcohol in there. But it’s also like not enough to, I am. I don’t have a towel. That’s so convenient. I, I, I need to be thrown the towel. I mean, I’ve made such a mess already today. Um, so it sounds like obvious to say, but obviously the best non alcoholic beer tastes like actual beer and that really does, right? Calories 95. Carbohydrates 19. There’s no hot water. I mean, it’s got calories in it. I think that’s what’s cool about it, though, is it is lower in calories than a full flavored beer. Like, it’s like, it’s about the same as, like, a no flavor actual beer. I know the towel is coming again. I like, uh, I like, I like the idea of this. I wonder, are we gonna get Stevie’s favorite? But we’ll wait to see. Okay. We’ll talk about it. Well, it’s not technically, uh, I don’t know if it counts, does it, Gwen? The hop water, the hop splash? Because it’s not really supposed to be a beer. We are going to be tasting a hop water. Oh! Oh, a hop water. Oh, y’all have chosen a different hop water than my hop water. Which one do you like? The Sierra Nevada hop splash. Give us the hop water. Do you need to leave? I said we were going to get the hop water. Now we’re gonna immediately get to the hop water. Let’s just do the hop water. We might, here’s Stevie’s whiny voice. We need the um, opener please, thank you. Oh, there you go, now you’re using the uh, the mom voice. We need, I know, oh my god. Now we need the opener please. I got hit in the eye with a towel so now I’m pissed. I used to be a bartender, did you know that? Well, yeah, you’re a criminal. Look at me go. Oh wow. Uh, wow. Okay, so yeah, Stevie, I’m very sorry, but we tasted no, I haven’t had this one in this particular bottle. The bottle’s fancy. Beautiful. Beautiful and attractive. Lagunitas. This is Lagunitas, which is also a beer brand. They make, um, some good beers. What’s the Lagunitas that I like? An IPA. Just their IPA. Okay. It’s good. Um. Sparkling hop water. Zero carbs. This is really good. It’s kind of almost floral. Zero calories. Isn’t that, I think it is so lovely. It’s really just a sparkling water. That’s like all this is, but flavored with hops and stuff. Uh, Stevie, I think you’ll like this. It’s a little less bitter hoppy. Mm hmm. And more floral hoppy. Yeah. It’s very fruity, I think. Okay. It’s citrusy. I’m actually searching for a fourth. I don’t think it’s as good. As the hop water, because the hop water is so, so distinct. Mm-Hmm. Soda stink. Soda stink. Literally, it’s, it’s almost a little skunky in a way that you feel like you’re getting a little of the skunk. It’s soda stink. Yeah. Yeah. So this is, but I do really like this. I really like this more. I think more people might like this. I think it might be more popular amongst people. it’s got a cute, um. dog, that’s doing whatever you do with those pipes and the, um, snorkel? Why snorkel? This is a certified scuba diver. I just forgot. A certified advanced scuba diver who doesn’t know what a snorkel is. Oh, it’s a fruity. It’s fruity. That’s the thing about it. It’s fruity. It’s fruity. You like fruity? Not as much. Not as much. Not as much. Okay. It’s not as hoppy as it needs to be. So I think if you, yeah, if you want something that’s more stinky? I’m so glad I won. How is it? At least he’s got glasses on. I mean, they’re dusty. I don’t know. They are the dustiest towels in America. Do you want ooh, look, wine! Okay. Or is it? I used to be a bartender. I’ll do this too. Okay. Um. Pour it over there. But I’m sorry, before we move on, I just want to say, I agree with Sporked that like, this is a refreshing beverage. It is. It’s just, if you want a little skunk, skunk hop, you gotta go with the Hop Splash. I will say that I remembered it being hoppier and skunkier, so. Go back to the beer. And I did taste it out of a can for our taste test, so maybe it was slightly different. Who knows! So this is a, uh, reserve red, non alcoholic wine. This is sauvy, sauvy, um, reserve red. I did that because I thought, I thought I was supposed to. And it is a de- alcoholized wine. So they make the wine the same way, it’s grapes. It’s, yes, they make it the same way and then they use vacuum distillation to remove the alcohol. And I googled what vacuum distillation is so I could tell you about it and I couldn’t process it. So I’m not going to tell you about it. That’s fair. Okay. Well, they really have a story here. Their brand story. Since day one, we’ve rejected the industry standard methods of mass producing mediocre non alcoholic wine because we knew we could do better. They’re confident. I don’t know that to be true, though. Okay, I tasted a lot of non alcoholic wine. And it’s pretty lackluster stuff. Like, it just tastes like grape juice. And this, to me, actually has some, like, tannic qualities to it. It does. It has some tannins. Alright, I’m gonna give it another shot. Because, I hear you. It’s light, and it’s refreshing. It doesn’t have, like, a lot of depth? It doesn’t have a lot of bite because it doesn’t have the alcohol, but some people like that. Yeah, okay. This is, this is viable. I think Black plum, plum, dried herbs. Mm hmm, mm hmm, mm hmm. Tobacco. Horse. Dirt. Baking spices. Wet horse. Booty hole. Oh, God. I would love for you to go to, like, a really fancy wine tasting and be like, booty hole. Wet horse booty hole. Ooh, it’s the wet horses? It was the wet horse booty hole, specifically. Horse booty hole. Alright, that’s, this is not I mean, just have this. Have this for your non alcoholic uh, wine drinkers in your house. Just have one of those. I think this is good with steak. What is the Good with steak. Question, if anybody knows this. Like, if somebody is sober, and, but this has a little bit of alcohol. Is it like, no, no, I guess it’s probably just a personal decision. Like, some people are like, yeah, I do the thing, I know there’s a little bit in there. And some people are like, nothing. I think because it can’t, like, you’re not gonna get drunk off of this. I think that it’s mostly okay for people who do not consume alcohol. Um, I will also say that this is really expensive. Oh. I think this bottle of wine is like $38 or so. So it is like special occasion if you’re having like non drinkers over. You better enjoy it. And you’re having steaks, chug a lug. But you can keep, you can keep it. Keep it. It keeps. Booty hole. All right. All right. What else you got for us? Let’s, let’s try the um, Oh yeah, look at that. We have the Moscow mules that are non alcoholic. All right, Beckett’s tonic. Oh, nice matte finish on that can. You gotta love a matte finish. Mmm, soft to the touch. Infused with distilled bistanicals. That’s how you know it’s good. It’s got the bistanicals. 35 calories. Uh, it’s, uh, sparkling, uh, so you want to put this into a copper, we have a copper thing over there, we could, we could put it in. We bent it up a little bit. Okay, I’ll tell you what I like about this. Yes. And it’s that, to me, so, okay, I know what you’re thinking. A non alcoholic mule is just ginger beer, correct? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pretty much, isn’t it? But, I think this has a little bit of a burn that alcohol has. Uh huh, yeah, well, wow, he’s really, they’re really piling on. It does have a burn. Yeah. So I think that makes it interesting. When, so um, we weren’t able to get our number one favorite mocktail of all mocktails, um, but what I think what you want to look for is like, what you would look for in a good cocktail, which is balance. Like it shouldn’t just be like soda, right? Yeah. And I think this has like a little something else going on. It’s pretty tasty. So what is the one that we couldn’t get that’s your absolute favorite? I can’t remember the name of it. Oh, oh, I can. It’s called For Bitter, For Worse is the brand. And I think it’s called Eva’s Spritz. And I think you have to buy it online. Also, we have, um, We have a non alcoholic, like, liquor store in LA. We’re really fortunate. I think it might have closed, but. You also, that was exactly the name and the brand and what you have to do. You nailed it, except for saying you didn’t know it. Cause how many people walked into a non alcoholic liquor store and realized it was non alcoholic? Yeah, it was called soft spirits and it was awesome and they had so much good stuff, but I think they might have actually merged with a different store and just don’t have their own storefront. Yeah with one that sells liquor. It seems like soemthing that would need a tent. Maybe not a storefront. Also, you can just go to Sporked.com and search non alcoholic beverages. Yeah well you’re really putting that hop water back. Dang she’s wasted And get all the info right there. We have another? I’ll drink this. Also, these, so this made our list of the best mules because that’s how much we liked it, even though it’s non alcoholic. And then this made our ranking of the best espresso martinis, even though it’s non alcoholic. Now I, I have started beginning my nights with these. If I’m gonna be drinkin. Oh, beginning your night. I thought like this. Not every night. Like a weeknight. Not every night. Look at that stack of deli meat over there. Woo! Look at that, that is, that had a little nitrous, it had a little nitrous It had a little nitrous happenin. It’s nitro. So, Cafe Carnival, mm hmm. Espresso? Oh! Mm hmm. That’s good! Coffee, cacao, vanilla. Uh, less than 99 calories per can. I think it’s delicious. No, it kinda just tastes like one of those really good espresso canned drinks. That’s another thing I was gonna say, is it really does just kind of taste like a like a little bit of a whatever, canned latte or something like that. But, it says mocktail on it and that works for me psychologically. It does have a little bit of, a little bit, What, of, of what you would have in a martini, which I can’t remember what that is. It has quillaia extract in it. What’s in a martini? What’s that? Gwynedd, we got martinis after Good Mythical Evening, remember that? I do remember that. Why don’t you tell Link about it? We got martinis after Tell me, who, who got martinis? I, I heard a story about this. Yeah, what happened? I said the same thing. Carney just told me this and I was like, I’ve heard this story and it’s weird that I have. I heard What is this story? That there was a, there was a person there. I don’t think I, I was there and I don’t think I know the story, so. Where is there? Wherever the crew went. A few of us went to a little diner nearby and decided to get martinis. Okay. And this was the night that the Dodgers won the World Series game. Yep. And it was me and Gwynedd and Jordan Myrick and Brittany and Maureen, and I was the only guy and this guy came over to us. Clearly was having a good time at the bar. Oh, okay. I forgot. And he said, Hey, hey man. I gotta ask ya, how do you do it? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Yeah. Oh my gosh. How do you do it? How do you handle it, man? Oh my gosh, that’s so funny. Yeah. And what did you say? He, I said when he walked away, I said, I just found He was like the opposite of me. Like, he was like the opposite version of me. Like, that’s everything I’m not. Um, I he saying? How did you pull it off, or how do you maintain it? I think it was, I don’t think he had, I think he just, I don’t know. A little bit of both, probably. I don’t think he knew. I think he’d had a few cocktails and just felt like talking to people at a different table. Oh, my God, share, share a little bit, man. God! Hogging all the ladies. What is your secret? God. And then we all made out in front of him. After hours. It was hot. After hours. I don’t know, that’s hot to me. Okay, so, lastly but not leastly we have um, St. Regis Brut. Ooh! So this is for your special occasions, for your toasts and whatnot. This is to celebrate. This is to celebrate. I think this would be to like, to celebrate celibacy. You drink a non alcoholic. Do you want to do it? I feel like you’d like this. No, with the track record I’m on today, I know when to stop. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don’t think I can do it because of my nails. You’ve got to shake it first. Okay. I did it the boring way, but my nails wouldn’t let me do it the fun. The fun, dangerous eyeball way. So we’ve got non-alcoholic champagnah. Yeah. So this is a a de-alcoholized again. Brute. This is to celebrate virginity. To celebrate virginity. Oh, this is when you, which is a construct. How do you mean? No, this is when you, when you get a promise ring. Yep. How do I mean that? It’s, you get a promise ring and you drink to it. Um, you can. I think you can have sex with somebody you’re not necessarily giving something away that you no longer have. Okay. Oh, okay. Yeah, no, that makes sense to me. I don’t know. That’s what I told the man at the bar. He got it. So then what do you call people who’ve never had sex? Uh, construction workers. Is it because it’s a construction? Because it’s a construct. Oh, I was like, oh my god, you’re gonna get beat up by some construction workers later. Cheers. What are we celebrating? Oh, our virginity? Virginity. Every day I reconstruct my virginity in order to, I start every day as a virgin. To feel like the first one. With one goal. To lose it. How do I do it? How do you do it, man? Meet me at the bar and I’ll tell you. Every day. How do you plan on losing your construct tonight? I’m as, I’m as, I’m as pure as the driven snow. Every morning. Samesies. Yep. What do you think? I think Link looks like a TikToker playing a woman. This is good. This is fine. I think it’s, yeah, I think it’s the best thing to, you could have it for brunch when you’re starting your day as a virgin again. Yep, yep, yep. So if I were to rank these overall, Don’t you taste booty hole in it. Not enough champagne. I don’t think it has a lot of booty hole. It’s very sweet. It’s sweet, but it doesn’t taste I like more than regular champagne, honestly. I don’t like regular champagne. I don’t like a lot of it either. It feels like you’re drinking a headache. I think. Yeah. Right? Um, so what are we going to rank here? Yeah. What did you like? I like the hoppy refresher from Lagunitas, but you gotta know what you’re getting into. The best tasting thing for me was the, the coffee drink, the espresso martini, but I don’t feel like it checks the box of like, emulating a cocktail. I do think if you pour that into a martini glass, you’re doing yourself a lot of favors. I feel like the most convincing thing might be the beer. I agree. I think the beer is the winner for me. As a one time enthusiast. Trail pass. Go hiking without being drunk. Yeah, it also has that whole outdoorsy thing. Mm hmm, I like that. You love, okay. Here’s to virginity. And reconstructing it every day. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. 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