Welcome to Good Mythical More. Turns out when you’re shopping for lighters, you can find some crazy, wild. Oh yeah. Things that are lighters like that watch. What? That’s great. Need a light? That’s cool. First, let’s tell a 10 word story. Okay. Chickens. Strike. Burgers. If. they burn meat They. Burn. Meat. Because. Meat. What number we at? 7? Kinks. My. Hose. Yep. Chickens strike burgers if they burn meat because meat kinks my hose. It doesn’t make a lot of sense, but. Look at this lighter, y’all. It strikes me. So it is a functioning watch. This is, this is, um, this is kind of impressive for a guy like me. I’ve never seen this. I mean, it’s not the right time, but it is. Well, you can probably set the watch. It is a functioning watch. Uh, are, is the stuff on the face fake? Like, yeah, there’s, there’s littler dials and they’re all fake. Well, no, they’re not. No, no, they’re not fake. Are the little dials moving? I don’t think the little dials are moving. Or of course they move once a day. I think they are moving, Link. They’re moving very slowly. Yeah, they, maybe they are. And so that hole right there, this is like a Dick Tracy situation. And so this whole thing is full of fuel butane. I just love that. I mean, what if you’re freaking like, you, what if you got your, your sleeve over it? Well then I wouldn’t activate it. How hard is it to activate? Pretty hard and it’s not like one of those crazy. That’s funny. It’s actually not a. That’s funny. I dunno why, it’s just so. You know, when you say that’s funny, it really is funny. If you’re at a party. It works good too. It needs to be that it isn’t butane. I think it’s like, like it needs to be the one that makes noise and then you really impress people. I bet you they make those because I think if, and you’re just waiting for people to ask you what time it is. Hey dunce, what time is it? Fire time. Whoa. What happened to your watch? You caught on fire? No, it’s lighter. Do you have a cigarette? That you need lit? No, no, no. I don’t smoke. How about, how about the scented candle? Yeah. Here’s the scented candle. Smells like scents, I can’t smell it right now. You’re gonna have to hold it upside down for me to light it. Let me see if I, if I was alone, how I would do this. Like I, if you weren’t here. Yeah. I light lots of candles alone. Oh, there you go. Ow. Did it, did it really? A little bit. You, you’re burning the actual watch face too. Ow. I’m such a dummy. Yeah, don’t keep this on ’cause that’s the point. I’m such a dummy. So that’s not gonna work, dude. Okay. You burn the actual watch face. I’d have to take my, my coffee mug and I’d have to turn it like this. Or just do this. Or I’d just do this. Yeah, just do that. Do that. Light it, and then turn it, no, light it, and then turn it up. So I, so I can do it alone. Okay. You can, you can leave me alone with this watch. I proved it. I’m, I’m gonna put that out. Look at this. You want a little lipstick? Watch yourself. What about. Huh. Oh, so you gotta put your finger on the part you’re not supposed to touch. So really that’s the part that goes on your lip and then it would. But not really. Yeah. So you keep this in your, in your purse or your pocketbook as I call it. And, uh, people were making fun of me for calling a purse of pocketbook the other day. I think it was my entire family. Does nobody else call it a pocketbook? I think it’s like a southern, slightly older. It’s like grandmas have pocketbooks. What about it is a pocket book? Why? Why is it called a pocketbook? That’s why you shouldn’t say it. It’s a book. It’s like, it goes in your pocket. What y’all trying to say? I look like that. You are like a garden gnome man. A dumb garden gnome. This is, this is cool. Kind of, but it’s not funny and…. I think it’s a little funny. So you’re pulling this out. It, so is it unbecoming to carry a lighter in your pocketbook? So you want to, you want to disguise it? I think it’s just for people who are fun, Link. You know, I think it’s, I think it’s– Fun Smokers. Fun smokers. Or friends of smokers. Anybody got a light? ’cause like think about it. Like let’s just role play. Let’s just say, could you be a smoker for a moment? Well, hello there. You must be stupid. Are you dumb? I thought we were friends. I thought we were role playing. I thought we were friends. Well, we’re friends in real life. Oh. Well, hello there. Hi. What are you, dumb? No, I’m the leader of the animal kingdumb. I lost a contest to my buddy. That makes me wanna smoke. Okay, where are your cigs? You got a light? Here’s my imaginary cig. Oh, it looks unlit. Psyche. Oh my goodness. Look at you. Isn’t that fun? Isn’t that fun? Doesn’t that signal socially that I am fun? Yeah. It’s a social signal of fun. Yeah, that’s good. I think that’s kind of how it works. It it is fun. You’ve sold me. Yeah. And we know it’ll like the candle. I’m actually kind of anal about lining this candle ’cause I read the instruction and then it said, first burn, don’t trim wick and keep it lit for two to three hours so you don’t like burn that little hole and make a puddle. And then everything after that is not a good burn. Ooh. Is that real? Yeah. You want the whole top to be burnt. Did we ruin it? No, we, we didn’t. ’cause I put it out before the wick really started burning. I think. I think we need to role play like, okay, you, you have the lipstick thing. It’s a cute, it’s cute, it’s silly. It’s, it’s fun. But can we go back to the watch because. Yeah. I’m confused on the purchaser and wear of the watch. So you want to get to know the watch wearer? Yeah. Well, hello there. Are you stupid? No, I’m just a little dumb. Oh yeah, cigarette. That makes me, that makes me want to smoke. Do you know what time it is? No. What time is it? Time for a stranger to light your cig. The little thing I got. A watch in case any ladies come up and need lights. Does that answer your question? Kind of. That’s I feel like yeah, that’s the kind of guy, it’s that little thing I got, got. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that’s right. Just a little thing I got. Yeah. Accurate. Thank you. Uh, a pocketbook by the way. I might do that. Was, um, like a ledger, like your, like, you know, where you kept your, this is how much money I have and this is how much money I have spent, and so. You know, it, it, it was like your budget, like these shoes are way too an for my pocketbook. An actual book that you kept in your pocket and then it, yeah, and then it, I evolved, I think the other. Thank you. Thank you. I think the other thing that this would be useful for is if you were alone and you were just trying to impress, you know what I’m saying? If you were just like one of these guys. Oh, yeah. One of these guys. Wearing a cig in your, in your ear. Yeah. Pretend that’s really tight. And I’m like on the street corner and it’s cold and I’m like. Yeah, you’re on a street corner, you’re really cold. And you don’t do that case a lot of smoke or just a little bit. I’ve got a pig here. And, uh, so I guess, oh, out this, look at that. Out of both snouts. This is, you know what this is for? It said double. This is for a guy who is a pit master. It’s a mighty little light to light a pitmaster. Everything I got is pig themed and what is it? This down here? I think that’s um, everything. I got my lighter. I got a pig on my shirt. I got a pig on my underwear. That’s why you put the butane in. I got pig pants on. I got pink Crocs. Is it butane? I got a pig hat. My gloves, my cooking gloves got pigs on ’em. My aprons got pigs on ’em. The handle of my spatulas got a pig on it. I’m cooking a pig and if you need a light, I got a pig to do it. And what about the inside of your yourself man, Tony? Oh, it’s so pig. Yeah. You’re all, any energy have been and ain’t never a time. That I ain’t got pork pig. That I ain’t got pork in my digestive system. Yeah. But before it leaves more comes in. Right. You’re, you’re, you’re constantly porked. Yep. I really like this one. I really like it. I’m really surprised at how, how it has the, it’s a double, can I play with it? It’s a double now. A pig doesn’t have a horn on its head like that. Some do. It should have been the tail. The tail should have done it. That’s a good point. But that would’ve been, that would’ve been a little awkward. Yeah, they probably thought about that and they were like this and they kept burning them hands. So how much of these running us We’re talking like under $20? Yes, under $20. That’s cool. That’s cool. What else you got? Oh, now this one is a game boy in the, I bet it’s not in the shape of a zippo. Ooh. This might be one of the, this might be one of the good lighters with a little butane. So you open this up and the, there’s an LED over here, and that starts up, okay. That feels impressive. And then this, this indicates how full it is. And then. Oh, oh, it’s one of those. Oh, what are those? So it’s a, uh, it’s arc. You can touch it. Really? Yeah. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. I, I, I was joking. It, it, it shocked. It didn’t burn me. It shocked me. Maybe give Link that hat. You want it? You want my hat? Well, I knew it. I knew it wouldn’t kill me. It wouldn’t kill him. He knew it wouldn’t kill him. Are you willing to touch it? No. Like I knew it wouldn’t feel good, but I was willing to touch it because you invited me to. Okay, I’ll do it. Just do it. How bad did it hurt? Not that bad. Just put your finger on it. Touch all four of the teets. Did you really do it? Yeah, I did it didn’t you? Oh God. Why that hurts man? I know. It, it burns. You smell a little burnt skin too. My, my, my fingers smell like burnt. What else you gotta burn on? You lemme burn some of your arm hair with it. No, I have no idea. No, I know. Oh, maybe just a little bit. Okay. Just a little bit. We, not that we’re gonna make this whole place smell like burnt human hair, but use the pig. Don’t use this. So this is, you want me to burn you with the pig? Yeah, burn me with the pig. That’ll that, that will actually burn you. Well, I don’t wanna be stung. Let me, hold on. Here’s the thing. Let me just get like just the back of your hair. Turn around. No, just a little bit, just no, but maybe here. Get, get, get that part. It’s a little too long. Anyway. Gotta get some of your grays. Guys, guys. Get some gray. That right here. Come on, come on. Right there. Oh, it burned it, burned it right off. And it just burned right off. I could cut your whole hair like this. Get, get a little bit more. Oh. Do mine. Do, do, do, do one of my split ends, but hold on, now don’t do the, it’s kinda like sealing a rope once you cut it. Don’t do a thing where you go too hard though. Hold on. Bring it closer to me. Just, just, just hold on. I, what if my hair product is, what if this is like that? Michael Jackson situation is Pepsi. Michael Jackson, Pepsi commercial. I know. Maybe we shouldn’t burn my hair. Yeah, this one’s heavy. And it also has a, so you have to USB charge this thing as well as loaded with the flam? No, you don’t have to load it with the flamme. You just USB charger it. Oh. What’s fla? You, you know what flaming is. So this one takes no fuel. Yeah, it’s just electric. It’s flamin free. It’s just, I like this one quite a bit. Okay. That’d be hard to light like a cigar with it though, wouldn’t it? Cigar, because it’s just like, it’s just like, I don’t like cigars, man. I only, I, I do cigars like once every 24 months. Cigars when somebody talks to each that, that’s really how we say it. Cigars. I do cigars. Another one. Holy mole. What is this? This is like, Ooh, that’s gonna be a big one. This is like, or thank or something. Oh no. Let’s do it. Do it. Do it. Oh yeah. Let me, whoa. Let me burn some of your hair off with that. Good God. I think we need some role play with this one. Is this a TikTok shop thing? This is like the kind of thing the flame is, can see the flame up to here. Hold on. That will burn you so hard if you do that. I know, I’m just, I’m just, I’m, I’m letting you know where I can feel the heat, which is right there. Well, it turns paint. Look at that. I can feel the heat starting here and then it gets hot and Oh, oh, oh. That’s as close as I can get. Can I, y’all close? Whoa. What changes? Oh, wow. Hey dad. I’m about the kid who ruins everything. It’s like, gimme your lighter now. Gimme Yeah. I’ll just watch it completely die. So why don’t we just do the roll play without the flame? Okay. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well, hello there. Are you dumb? No, I just lost a contest. It makes me wanna smoke. Okay. Oh, what happened? You’re outta, you’re outta fuel. I admired it for too long. Do you ruin it? You would not believe what it looks like though when it happens. It’s so big. Here, try this one. Oh, it’s, so try this one. Would you like a spot of tea? Would you like a spot of tea? Oh, oh, oh. Look here. Watch this. Hm. Whoa. Are you like Gandalf? No, I, I ate the cigarette and then I turned it back around and it was still lit. I emptied this one too. Oh, look it, I’ve seen this one before. These are way too easy to empty. This is a. Extra large match that didn’t, it’s really just, you think I can make it look like I really did it? Need a light? Oh yeah. There you go. That’s the way to do it. It’s a big match. Can I try? It’s a big match. Oh oh no. Nope. Do it the other way. Nope. No. You want me to show you? No, no, no. Make, you gotta make it look effortless. Yep. You got, you gotta make it look effortless. So you want me to show you just up what you want me to show you? Yeah. So you just, you just like this. See, can just this, like, you just do like that and then see that you just do like that? Like, no, no, no. Put that, put that back on and then you do it like this. Okay. There you go. There we go. All right. My favorite is watch is the Is is the watch, but then I also like the Game Boy, and I like the pig. No, what? He’s trying to kill the watch. No, you can’t kill this kind because it’s not butane. It goes forever. Oh, there we go. It got smaller. Maybe I can’t kill it. Well, it’s just, it is fuel. The fuel runs out. Go away, little flame. Go away, little flame. Be no more. Be no more, little flame. Go away, flame. Expend yourself, flame. Oh. There he is again. Oh, look. Oh, look how, oh, look, look, look. There he goes. He went to sleep. I think I have like a murder fetish for fire. Okay. Murder fetish for fire. Okay. Mark your calendars for May 15th at 5:00 PM Pacific It’s the Sporked Live Taste Testathon. Subscribe to Sporked today so you don’t miss out.