Welcome to Good Mythical More. Yelp reviews can get cray cray y’all, but if you blank out a cray cray part, can you guess what was under there? Can we? I don’t know. We’re gonna find out, but first we’re going to try to fill in the blank for your pet’s name. Okay. Aiden submitted this pet. Let’s look at this pet. Oh, okay. This is a dog. It is a, what would you call that pet? This is a dog. Would you call that a golden, not a golden retriever. You call that a lab? It’s a, you call that a labish? I think it’s more labish, but, but the tail is a little retrieverish, Rhett. Oh. Um, I’m gonna go with Booby. Okay. I don’t know why I just, I knew it was– Got booby on the brain? Start with a B and then that’s just, I didn’t wanna say Bobby. I’m going with Sadie. Bean! See, B, I was right. Boobean. Started with a B. Ba-bean. Respect. Respect. Respect. Mm-hmm. Okay. You ready for your first Yelp review? Yeah. This one is uh, from Phoenix Mountains Preserve, one star, five years ago. Have not been here. Hmm. What? But looks pretty scary to just walk here and nothing around, but hill and dirt. It would be nice if it had something around benches, ramada, restroom to enjoy with family. Okay. Alright. What is going on? I’m having trouble following. I’ll give you a hint. It’s two, it’s two words in between, uh, benches and ramada. In dirt. It would be nice if it had something around benches, blank blank ramada. Uh, around benches like so, like around benches. To view the ramada, restroom. To enjoy with family. So they want the benches to face the ramada restroom if it had something around benches to view the…. Ramada restroom. That’s my answer around, around benches near the, there’s no way that you guys left the near the as the thing to fill in. No, unless, unless you’re really falling off your game. The grammar is just so wild. It’s hard to follow. Wow. Well also the whole review starts with have not been here. Like this is a person who’s reviewing a place. Exactly. They’ve not been. But it looks pretty scary. Feel like there are some things– You’re reviewing the other reviews? I feel like there are some things, things that if you do, like you should be penalized, you know, like. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like there should be, I, I, I’m not, I don’t believe in like a surveillance state. Okay. Necessarily. I don’t want everybody’s actions to be constantly surveilled and looked at. But let’s just say that happens. When that happens. You do this, somebody shows up at your door. Somebody shows up at your door– Oh, that’s, that’s intense. You know what they say? You can’t have the internet for a year. We gotta keep, wow. We, we gotta keep– Oh, no, no, no. We gotta keep this sane. We want everybody to have internet. You don’t get the internet for a year. You just can’t type on it. Oh, you, you can’t contribute to the internet. You cannot give to the internet. You can only take for a year. Okay. I mean, I’m just trying on something. Think about what that would do. This person wouldn’t write things like this. I mean, if you already feel this way, when you see what’s what the blanks are, I think you might feel even worse. Okay, let’s just see it. Something around benches. That’s… Come on. Come, come on. It’s something around benches. Carne asada, ramada, restroom. What the crap? What does that mean? If there’s something around benches, carne asada, Ramada. This is just somebody who just wanted to say that in the middle of the sentence. Or it’s like a talk to text situation. Carne asada Ramada. I think it, oh, it a talk. It’d be nice if it had something around benches. Can I take your order? Have you ever been doing Talk to talk? I’ll have a carne asada. You ever been doing talk to text and then somebody like in the car starts talking? No. I don’t do talk to text. My kids do all the time. I, I do. I do quite a bit. Do it quite a bit. So does my mom. That’s why for some reason, my wife’s name in my talk to text on my phone is JESSIE all capitalized. The whole thing. It’s just like, it just insists on going J-E-S-S-I-E, all caps or J-E-S-S-E. Neither one of them are right and I can’t get it to change. I don’t know how to access that. JESSE! It makes it all caps. It makes my wife’s name all caps. What? Yeah, let’s see the next one. Yeah, let’s not even think about that. I’m so confused about everything right now. Uh, Kroger Food and P. This store was out of gluten-free Oreos and when I asked the man who was working close by, if they had any in the back, he just said, no. All Nabisco items we have are out here without checking. I was already irritated with him for brushing me off and said I should get the regular ones for free then, and he just laughed at me. I yelled, I need a gluten free option, and he said he could…. Escort me out of the Kroger! And he said he could carne asada Ramada. He said he could. He could. I could free your gluten. That’s what I’d say. I could free your gluten, man. Yeah, I could. He said he could. Don’t let the door hit you in the glute. He said he could free my gluten if you know what I mean. That’s my joke. Yeah. I’ve said all I was going to say. Okay. That’s what we’re going with. Gonna say. Yeah. Let’s see. He said he could. Oh, glue-ten free pubes to my chin. Glue…. ten….. free…. So almost as good as mine. Glue ten free pubes to my chin. I gotta be ready for that next time somebody asks for something gluten-free. Ah, sorry. I love all you gluten-free folks. Um, but sometimes you gotta take a joke, you know? That’s horrible. That is. But then what if she had been like, okay, let’s do it. Well, gluten ten free pubes to my chin. I guess it would, it would take a second to get that. When you, when you’re having a gluten-free conversation. I can glue ten free pubes to my chin. Yeah. It doesn’t roll off the tongue. Gluten free. But it sticks to the chin apparently. That’s gross. Yep, we’re gonna give that a nine outta 10. What are we doing? Nope. Not doing that. Yep. Five stars. Yep. Next, next. Um, okay, this next one, I don’t even know what it’s for. And that’s a, it’s a, it’s a reply back. Okay. The person says, I have loved this place and have met so many great locals since I moved here a bit over a year ago, but felt completely let down after being bullied by belligerent people and feeling no support to kick them out, I felt let down, and bartender had poor judgment in looking out for me as a regular. And then the business owner says. Please don’t throw your blank at people anymore. The staff is not responsible for your fights. I found the video of you throwing the blank. Um, uh, poo poo. Is this like a chimpanzee situation? What’s something you can get at a bar that you might throw at somebody? Probably a beer, but that’s too obvious. Mm. Your pants? No, it’s short. It’s short. If we’re going by blank size. Hat. That’s not good though. Is it at people? Cat? Is that multiple throws? Please don’t throw your cat at people anymore. I found the video of you throwing the cat. Mm-hmm. Brought in a cat to a bar? I think they did. I think that’s exactly what happened. That’s oddly close. Dog. Keep going. Bird, rat. Bird. Bird. Please don’t throw your bird at people. I found the video of you throwing the bird. So this is flipping the bird. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Please don’t throw your bird at people around anymore. Well, if you flip it hard enough, if you get caught a throw. Throw your bird. I had a trucker flip me so hard one time. Did you feel like you, he’d have thrown a bird? I feel like he threw it at me. It felt like it was right there in my car with me. I found the video of you throwing the bird. Throwing the bird. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That works. Throw, please don’t throw your bird at people anymore. I’m interested in this. Being a regular at a bar is… Comforting. Interesting subculture. You know, I’ve known, I’ve known some folks who have dabbled in the, in the regular ness in a bar, and, uh, and they told me stories about it and they’ll be like, yeah, for years we’re going there. And it was just like, it, it really is like the cheers ish. Yeah. Atmosphere. Mm-hmm. He made really good friends. I used to bartend would have people come sit every single day. You’d see ’em every single day. They’d always be there. It’s crazy. Yep. Yep. Mm-hmm. And you knew all their names? Yep. Knew their names. Knew their drinks. Yep. Same time. But did everybody know their name? Yeah. Yeah. In fact they did. What kind of bar was this? Sports? Uh, I’ve worked at a few, but the one with the most regulars was kinda like a dive bar. La Jolla, San Diego. Oh, a beach bar. La Jolla. A beach bar. Yeah. We sold, uh, more Jagermeister than any establishment in all of San Diego. Oh, no. Wow. Wonder why. It was like a college bar. Okay. Jager. So you had college students who were regulars or? No, it was all, no, not just college students. It was, so the people who were regulars were like older people? Yes. But then they were hanging around the college students. Yep. Now that you mentioned it. Yeah. Yep. They liked that energy. Mm-hmm. I get that. That’s kind of what we do here. Right, yes. Yes. I’ve become the old person at the bar hanging out with the college students Yeah, yeah, yeah. Welcome to the club. Well, you’re not alone, Carnie. Welcome to the club. We’ve been here a while. Just at the other end, throwing the bird. This one says…. This is by far the worst barbecue I have ever had. I got the Turkey club. Well, okay. Well there’s where you went wrong. Yeah, yeah. We don’t even wanna finish your review. You idiot. Let me tell you. It was awful. The bacon was like chewing on blank. The Turkey was as dry as a blank. Oh, we’ve got a creative writer over here. And the barbecue sauce. Ew. Barbecue sauce tasted tasted like an old lady, blank on the sandwich. The only thing that tasted good were the chips because they had no taste. Thank God for the chips, because if I had to eat that greasy horse manure, I guarantee I’d have diarrhea for three days. Okay, come on, Jordan B. Pull it together buddy. This is a Turkey club at a barbecue place with barbecue sauce on it. I don’t, I don’t understand that, that he feels tastes like one animal’s poop. That would then…. Make him poop for three days, 72 hours. Yeah. How does he know that? Bacon was like chewing on a tire. Turkey was as dry– As a bone. As a, as an…. Avalanche. Uh, uh, uh, they get wet historical, um, and, uh, anteater, um, dry as a– Isotope. Uh, old. Old, something dry as an old.. Haystack. And the barbecue sauce tastes like an old lady. Crapped on a sandwich. Ooh, let’s say barfed. Let’s say barfed. We’re gonna say barfed. Here we go. We got it all. Let’s see. Chewing on condoms. An old man’s ass. And an old lady farted pills on a sandwich. Not pills. Farted piss. Yeah. Come on, Jordan B. How do you fart pills? Again. Piss. I go back to, I go back to my thing. You know, my surveillance state thing. You do this Jordan B. Jail time. You know what I’m saying? We’ll give you a week in jail and then a month and a year without the internet. Mm. You know what? Two people clicked loved this. Next. Okay. I was still picturing the farting pills. But. Tight on topping on pizzas and service very slow. Tight on topping on pizzas. Very slow. Okay. And the owner says, hello Jean. We are a blank and do not serve pizza at our premises. Whoops. We were a barbecue Turkey restaurant. Barbecue Turkey Club. We are a dog and cat grooming facility. Oddly close, oddly close. We are, we are, a hairstyling place. No, go the other way. We are a dog and cat boarding. Yeah, let’s, let’s reveal it. You’re, you’re all over it. Animal Rehoming center, centra. Centra. So they just left it on the wrong thing, don’t that. That’s messing up their, um, ratings overall. Yeah, they weren’t happy about that. That sucks for them. It sucks, tight on toppings. And, you know, the Rehoming Center doesn’t have many reviews, so this like two stars, like damnit, this is like bringing us down. Messed it up. Hit us. Farting pills is such an interesting superpower. Yeah. If you could fart pills– I’d fart pills, I’d never go to the pharmacist again. If you knew an old lady who could fart pills and they were pills that you wanted, would you take the pills from the old lady who farted them? What’s the difference between farting and pooping a pill? I would imagine if you fart a pill, there’s not feces on the pill. It’s just a clean pill. It’s a, well, I, well, yes, when you get in there with a microscope, yeah. Yeah. Probably not. No, but it is, that’s what, that’s what separates it. It’s very clean. Uh, yeah. I do it. I’d take it. Yeah. See. How does your wife drug prices these days live with you? You know, I’m over here just being. Yeah. Cool. And he’s over there talking about that, and it sounds like, how does your wife– Well, Stephanie’s not here anymore, that’s why I’m talking like this. I would never talk like this in front of her. Uh, okay. This one is from Stonefield Liquor and Discount Tobacco from Reba. I, I am interested in Reba’s icon. Yeah. You gotta stop something. Yeah. When I walked in the store, it smelled like someone had just blank. Farted pills. They did have the items I was looking for. Prices were comparable to other stores. I will say everything else was great. Mm. Someone had just carne asada Ramada. I’m, I wanna try and see if it works other places. Yeah, I don’t know. It doesn’t really work as a verb. People really are getting in their writing groove on these things, aren’t they? I mean, it could be anything. Just, I don’t know, man, Slaughtered a skunk. It’s not, it’s not great after, you know, it’s, it’s like pretty straightforward. I’m gonna say. Died. Somebody just died. Died and died and just laid there. No, it’s back on the, it’s back on the, a train we’ve already been on. Oh. Let’s get past it. I mean, let’s see what, yeah. Let out a huge fart. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Yep. Were that, and no pills involved at all. Yeah, just a A pill. Disappointing. A pill is fart. Mm-hmm. Disappointing. Mm-hmm. Okay. Moving on to Wendy’s now. It’s getting good. Okay. Wendy’s son. This place is balling yo, chicken nuggets be crispy like you never seen. I tasted one and I was like, what? Are you serious, Wendy? Mean girls working the fries though. Friers. Oh, this one chick wouldn’t even let me holler. I was like, please blank, blank. That’s three words. Okay. Please. Wouldn’t even let me holler. I was like, please give me chance. Yeah, that was it. So this is, this is a come on line. Please date me. Right? Is that what they say? Call em? Like a pickup line? Pickup line. Come on, line. Come on line. Come on. Lemme pick you up. Please come with me. Please right this way. That’s what, that’s, that’s a good one. That’s a good come on line, please right this way. Wait, where are we going? Um, it’s definitely not carne asada ramada, even though that is three words. Something tells me we’re not gonna get it. No, you don’t think so? We’ve gotten really, we’ve gotten some crazy stuff today though. Um, okay. The hint is that like– Water my plants? He, he switches from, uh, sorry to assume gender, uh, from wanting to pick up this girl to being angry that she’s not into it. So these three words are thrown, thrown at her. Kiss my butt. Okay. Solid. Rhett? Please. Suck. No. My butt? Please suck my butt. Okay, let’s see it. You ugly anyway, please. You ugly anyway, yep. So it wasn’t, it wasn’t asking for anything. Please was not the beginning of a question. Right. I, well, I need to, I wouldn’t normally, but we do need to go to the last review ’cause it’s– Yes. Okay. Really an escalation from Cletus B at Jimmy John’s. Freaky Fast was, was epitomized by this Jimmy John’s franchise and I have never been disappointed with their service. I had an, I had not even opened a second beer before the driver arrived at my home, which is very quick. Just ask my blank wife. GD wife. Fifth wife. I was gonna say third. Other. Let’s see it. What? We’re out. Oh my God. We’re out. God. Oh, wow. Cotton candy Randy Enamel Pin. Available at mythical.com starting Monday.