Good Mythical Weekend. Today’s game is all about those moments in life that go horribly wrong in really funny ways. This is unhappy endings. Hello, everyone. Hi. Courtney, welcome. You’re our special guest. Oh, really? Yeah. You haven’t. Well, you have been in this area, but not in a long time. No, I’ve never been on this side of the set. Really? I don’t think so. Oh, wait. There was, like, some stretching challenge. We’re gonna cut to footage, and you’re gonna be lying right now. You’re a liar. Great way to start out. Okay, here is how this is gonna work. Every round, one of you is going to be like, the judge person. The rest of you are going to see either the top part of a clip before something goes wrong, or hear the top part of a story before something goes wrong. And then these little cute whiteboards. You’re going to write down what you think is about to happen. The judge will pick one of you that sounds the coolest, the funniest, or whatever the judge wants to choose to be, like, the winner, and then we’re gonna see the rest of the clipper story play out. Does that make sense? Did I do? Does this make sense? I get it. Okay, let’s play. Okay, Courtney, you are our guest. Will you accept the honor of being our first judge for this round? Yes. I will give you guys a hint. I love when things are just so, like, so silly. Okay. That’s great. Okay. Okay, so I’m gonna channel my inner silly billy. Yes, please. Okay, we are going to watch a clip this round. Let’s take a look at the first part. No, you got this. Go in that corner. Oh, so I don’t get hit again? Go in that corner. I will. Because I need you to see firsthand how much you piss me off. Did we just see the trailer for an A24 horror movie? This is Hereditary two. Okay, so grab those whiteboards. What happened after this moment is what I’m looking for. What Courtney’s looking for. I’m so excited to see everyone’s answers. All right, we’re gonna start with you. Okay. I think the hammer flew out of her hand and hit your dad in the penis. That’s a silly one. That is pretty silly. Okay, Matt. I wrote mama hits the bottle. But instead of the bottle shattering, mama does, into thousands of pieces of glass. And daughter cries, not knowing mama made of glass. You didn’t write that. You didn’t write that. Well, there’s a lot, too many words. But, you know, it’s implied. You didn’t have any space left. My hand cramps. I’m only good at texting with my thumb. Okay, Christine. The bottle breaks. It’s pink. Congrats, it’s a girl. The cycle continues. Yeah! Wow, we love that cycle, don’t we? All right, Jordan? And I have, the bottle reveals a hunky Italian accent and whisks mom away to the Amalfi coast, where she does an Eat, Pray, Love, and learns that there’s life after menopause. Wow, that’s beautiful. I’d read that. It’s less silly and more touching. I love it. Might not win, but. It’s a beautiful tale. I feel touched. Okay. And I also, I forgot to mention that there is an unexpected prize for your favorite one every round. So it’s like it’s not only your approval, but also a prize on top of it. Had I known we were playing for prizes. Yeah, it’s my bad. It’s my bad. Okay. Is it a chicken bake? What? A chicken bake? A chicken bake. Chicken bake. Like from Costco? From Costco guys. I’m so sorry. Okay, okay. Oh, I hope it’s a dollar fifty hot dog. Can I see all yours again? One more time. Okay. Okay. The penis, mom shatters like glass, the cycle continues. And Eat, Pray, Love. Oh, my God. Okay. Honestly, I think this one made me giggle the most. Hammer flew. Hammer to penis. Always gonna win. Hammer to penis. It’s like a cheat code. Hammer to “pen-is”. Okay. Hammer to “pen-is”. Okay, the unexpected prize will come later at an unexpected time. And for now. Stevie, this is sinister. I’m terrified of the prize. Yeah. Is it a real prize or is it an anti-prize? What was that noise? Fast forwarding. Did you buy us a Furby? But for now, we get to see the second half of the clip. No, you got this. Go in that corner. Oh, so I don’t get hit again? Go in that corner, because I need you to see firsthand how much you piss me off. What did she hit? Herself, I think? Her face. She hit nothing but her own body. Yeah. Which is, honestly, metaphor for motherhood. Yeah. Huge metaphor. Yeah, that needs some wacky sound effects. How satisfied does that daughter feel, though? Yeah. Oh, yeah. No, no, no. No! No, a prize. Guys, why? I’ll slap you, Lucas. Out? Yeah, yeah, cup it. Hershey Kiss. My God. Lucas keeps telling me he’s gonna punch me in the head, but that must be a different thing. Common mistake. Wow, this is my favorite candy. It would have been a wild coincidence if the prize was a hammer to the penis. Okay, Jordan Myrick, you’re gonna be the judge this time. And there’s no clip. There’s a story. It’s on that card in front of you if you wanna pull the top card off. And it’s from Reddit user Hovis underscore Mavis. All right. I was watching football with my son at a bar. The server came by and asked what I wanted to drink. I asked for a piña colada, and she snickered a little at the order and kind of laughed out an okay, then walked off to make it. This annoyed me a little. So when she brought the drink back, I got my petty revenge. Dot, dot, dot. Amazing. So, we’re guessing what happens next? Okay, but what do you like? What do you like? Oh, I like. Money? Because I have some. I love money. I love compliments. I love things that are funny. Like you. You really enunciated great when you were explaining what you liked. Stop, both of you. Sexy. Okay. Wonderful. Okay, I’ll think on that while you all write. This is also a weird one to me, because I. Why would a server ever laugh at someone for ordering a piña colada? Delicious drink. Delicious and very normal. Maybe OP was like a dad, and they were being a little bit mcSexist. I see, I see. Yeah. I don’t know. The only thing I can think of is if the OP actually said a penis colada on accident. That’s all I could think. If that was kind of, you know. Impossible not to laugh at that. It’s pretty silly. Sure. And then you just say, ha ha, or penis with a hammer. So, wait, you all think that ordering a piña colada at a, just like a bar, is normal behavior? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Really? I’m an alcoholic. Maybe I go to the wrong bars. I just feel like it’s twenty twenty-four, and you should be able to order a piña colada wherever you want. Yeah. It’s really brave. I’m brave like that. Love wins. Yes, we can order a piña colada at a Buffalo Wild Wings. Yes. Yes. All right, impress me. Okay. I put. So they got petty revenge by chugging it all in one go and burping and ordering another. The sweetest revenge is ordering another. I wrote something similar. I drank it in one gulp and then immediately threw it up into the server’s face like a dilophosaurus from Jurassic Park, and said, I may like piña coladas, but you just got caught in the rain. There were five jokes in there. Oh, my God, Matt. Wow. Wow. I love revenge. What can I say? I love a good revenge story. Big revenge head over here. I’m a big revenge head. With a catchphrase, too. Amazing. Yeah. Christine? I said thank you. It was my late wife’s favorite drink, guilt. That’s a good way to get. That’s a good one. That’s a good one. I proved I was hardcore by doing bath salts in front of her and then eating a ceramic plate while my son cried. Ceramic plate. Where’d you get the plate? It was at the restaurant. It was like a shared plate at the restaurant. Like an appetizer plate? A shared plate. Ceramic. All right. And now I choose. You must. You must. You must choose. While I think all of these are very, very funny, and I think there’s one that I would do, which is Christine’s. But I will have to say, I think technically the funniest one is Matt’s. It was just so layered. It was just so layered. Good job, Matt. I love revenge. I love it. And, I mean, not to bring any expectation to the, you know, unexpected prize, but I just wanted to stress that you’re not gonna. You don’t know when it’s coming. You don’t know what it is. And the second half of the story should be on the next card. So when she brought the drink back, I got my petty revenge. As she was placing the drink on the table, I said, my mom loved these, God rest her. I always have one on the anniversary of her death to remember her. She looked horrified. I am that user. That was my story. That was incredible. Good job. Matt, look. Oh, my God. I’m scared. I’m scared. I’m scared too. Stevie went to Nordstrom. Oh, it’s a Cracker Jack. A tin of Cracker Jacks? Is that the gift? Is it money? Oh, wait, there’s a box inside. Hold on. Wait. It’s so many. So many vessels. Oh, there’s another little box. This is another little box, I think. I know. It’s a Hershey’s Kiss. Yay. Can I keep the tin? Yeah. Double prize. I’m gonna eat it. The tin. Okay, Matt, we have another story if you want to grab that card. It’s from Reddit user Alien Cricket. Okay. I was thirteen at summer camp, and I was wearing jorts. We were doing the indoor rock climbing wall, and I was about halfway up when my partner, who was belaying me, asked if she could tie me off so she could go to the bathroom. And then. Okay, I need to try and meet your caliber. Yeah. For coolness in comedy. Yeah. Do you like a long joke? No? Listen, I love long. Well, I do love long jokes. I also like short jokes. I think, you know, word economy is good. I love compliments. You’re so tall. Thank you. I love neck massages. I love strong hands, and, you know, I just love hanging out with you guys. That’s really sweet. I love hanging out with you. Hell, yeah. So, it starts, so the first part ends with. She went to the bathroom. She asked if she could tie me off so she could go to the bathroom. Right. That’s how it starts. Who knows how it finishes? I assume with something interesting. All right, what do you got? I’m excited. Sure. Okay. As soon as she left, I accidentally lost my gorilla grip to the wall, thus falling. Luckily, the tie off held, but my jorts did nothing. I heard a rip and felt the breeze of a thousand winds on my crack as I dangled upside down. That’s. That’s beautiful. That sounds like what actually happened. You brought the jorts back into it. I had forgotten about the jorts. Oh, my gosh. By Shel Silverstein. The breeze of a thousand winds is really. Beautiful. Well, our butts are so sensitive, you know, like, the wind feels, like a lot. Sounds like a martial art technique that kills you instantly. Breeze of a thousand winds. Okay, and that’s when I was revisited by that afternoon’s burrito lunch, turning the rock wall into a diarrhea waterfall. Yes. Yes. Yes. For some reason, I am now hearing diarrhea waterfall in my head as sung by Fred Schneider from the B-52s. Diarrhea waterfall. Okay. She took so long, my jorts grew into full jeans. And then I had to go to the bathroom, and I pissed all over my pants. And then a hammer hit my penis. Hey! We love a callback. Oh, beautiful. It honored me, and I liked that. Yeah. I decided it wasn’t safe to climb, but I realized I was wearing jean shorts, so I just went to a wedding in Florida. Wow. Hell, yeah. That’s good. I like it, because we’re taking a crap on Florida. Yeah. But then, you know. I’m tired of. Tired of them. They know we love them. Oh, we love Florida. We love Florida. But, like, you know. So I have to choose, right? Yes. Oh, man, this is such a. All right. You know, I think you wrote something that was honestly poetic and wonderful, and it was very good. But when the hammer hit the dick again. Come on. Can’t even be mad. When the hammer hit the penis, I was like, that’s great. And, you know, it was just so good the first time. It was even better the second time. And also, jorts going into jeans, growing into jeans. That’s beautiful. I’m sorry. But, Christine. Oh my God, I, too, loved when a second hammer had hit the penis. Yes. Yeah, I mean, come on. You gotta get. Comedy’s comedy. And I loved. I loved all of yours. They were all wonderful. Everyone did a great job, but that’s the one. And, yeah. Congrats. Let’s hear the second part of the story. Okay. All right, so here’s what actually happened. All right. My partner, who was belaying me, asked if she could tie me off so she could go to the bathroom. So I’m swinging back and forth up there in those really tight, rock climbing harnesses, over jorts, and then there was friction. Barely had time to process what was happening before my balls felt like they were sneezing. And then it was over. The title of this Reddit post was the first time I ejaculated. Who could have seen this one coming? That is a hammer to a penis. It is. Absolutely. You’re like a, you know. Soothsayer Yeah. You’re saying sooths over here. Oh, my God. It’s happening. It’s happening. I hope it’s his ejaculate. Wow, it’s lit up too. That was wild. Look at the size of that Kiss. Naturally formed. I’m gonna eat it. Yeah, eat it. Before they take it away. Eat it. I just wanna point out that we’re winning this way. Did you see this? Maybe I’m next. Maybe it’s my time. Okay, Christine, you’re up. And we have a clip. Roll the clip. Okay, so obviously the camera guy got hit by the ball, but then after that, he reveals something else that happened. So that’s the part that we’re talking about. More than one thing happens. Amazing You find out it was the grandma holding his cell phone the whole time. That hip thrust, though, right into the ball. And it says, my boy and I just trying to make a funny video. I feel lonely, while you guys are writing. Give Christine something to free associate about. Jazz? Sure. It sounds like you want to talk about jazz. What’s your favorite jazz guy? Damien Chazelle. Love him. He does a lot of movies about jazz. That’s the La La Land guy? Yeah, he loves jazz. Did he do Whiplash, too? Yeah. Whiplash, kind of whipped ass. And he did? Babylon. Babylon. That’s what it was called. Oh, he did Babylon? Yeah. A lot of letters to Hollywood. I liked him. Babylon’s weird. What do you have, my pretties? Okay. I put the camera boy picks the phone up and turns to see his boy is down on one knee with a sign that says “prom-ussy?” “Prom-ussy.” What’s that? I’m old. A promposal. A promposal, duh. “Prom-ussy” is prom bussy. Yeah. Would you like to bust your bussy with me at prom? What? Okay. Yeah. That’s positively bussing. Not mid at all. After the camera guy falls to the ground, it’s then revealed that the cameraman was Damien Chazelle, and that this is a deleted scene from La La Land. Really playing into what we’ve talked. Conversations. Yes. A callback. Callback. I panicked. I did not know. This gave me nothing. So I wrote, cameraperson picks up phone, and it is revealed that it was son who got hit also, because they twins. They’re twins? Twins? Son twins. Son twins. Boy twins. The boys. My boys. Well, obviously, when you get hit like that, you go to the hospital. Right. And when you’re laid up in the hospital, you’re gonna want something to read, right? Yeah, of course. Yeah. And maybe something that you could pick would be Youth Group, the new YA horror comedy graphic novel from me, and artist, Bowen McCurdy, in stores now. That’s right. It’s got Buffy the Vampire Slayer vibes. It’s got Shaun of the Dead vibes, and it has a blurb on the back from Rhett and Link from Good Mythical Morning, and we trust them when it comes to comedy. So maybe we could pick up Youth Group wherever you buy your books. Good for you. Thank you. Yes. Promote your “book-ussy.” Not awkward at all. Did you write that whole thing down? No, I did actually write a joke for this. The cameraman, who was wearing socks with sandals, realized he was slowly turning into a divorced dad with an inflamed prostate and an adult child he doesn’t speak to, and then a hammer hits a penis. It’s hard to. It’s hard to beat hammer penis. Hammer penis. Hammer penis. It’s right there. It’s right there. It’s meant to be hit. It’s both hammer and penis. When you’re a hammer, everything looks like a penis. You know, I’m also torn because, you know, Damien Chazelle, very critical. Love him. So many Oscars. He’s one of the greats. Jazz greats. It’s a love letter to LA. Yes. We need more of those. And this video reminded me of that. Yeah. But I’m gonna have to go with hammer penis. Always a winner. I know, the callback was cheap. Once, twice, three times a lady. Thank you. Also, you gave us a good idea to actually buy a book. Idea for a book you could get wherever you buy your books. Yeah. Okay, let’s see what actually happens in the clip, because you guys are very predictable at this point. But maybe this clip won’t be. It’d be so funny if the person in the video pulls up a copy of Youth Group. That’d be amazing. Oh, his phone must have hit his mouth. His phone hit his mouth. And then the hammer hit his penis. Yeah. Hit his penis. Honestly, though, he looks kind of cool like that. I know. Why does it work? Some people kind of pull off. Half a tooth? Half a tooth. Yeah. Half a tooth vibes. Give me half a tooth. Half tooth Braden in there. No way that guy’s name is Braden. It’s gotta be Braden. It’s Braden. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, he’s holding it in a specific. Oh, I hope it’s a Laffy Taffy. Oh, it’s a Hershey Kiss. Thank you. Thank you, clowny. Look at how cute he is. He’s great. Oh, my gosh. Okay, Jordan Morris, you’re up. And we have another story from Reddit user Good Surprise Gone Bad. Oh, that’s appropriate. My GF, girlfriend, is South African. Her native language is Afrikaans, and I’ve been learning how to speak Afrikaans without my GF knowing. Girlfriend. My plan was to surprise her and her family later this year. I never intended to eavesdrop or anything, but learning Afrikaans in secret accidentally exposed me to sensitive information my GF was sharing on the phone. She casually mentioned to her friend that. Oh, my God. That’s where you come in. Cliffhanger. And I just wanna say I hate silly stuff, so nothing’s silly. Nothing random. Okay, okay. Make it thoughtful, satirical, potent. Heartbreaking. Of the moment. Address just all the stuff that’s going on, you know? Have you looked at the news lately? I’m like, what? Random. Okay. Reveal your answers, four. Okay, this is what I think. That’s how I talk. This is what I think she said. Okay. I just don’t think he’s the one, because we just seem to want different things. I want to have kids, and he wants me to take a hammer to his penis. That’s the one to beat. I mean, it’s the only one we’ve heard so far, but I like the. Statistically, yes. She revealed that she “Afra-can’t” with me and that she has plans to kill me tonight. Do I let her do it so I don’t ruin the surprise? Ten for delivery. Yeah. Yeah. She didn’t love me. She just loved the idea of me, hammer penis. I just want another Hershey’s Kiss. I actually speak a little Afrikaans. Oh, yeah? You’ll never know. Yeah. You’ll never know what I’m saying. She was so close to getting that sweet, sweet dual citizenship. Youth Group, a horror comedy. She understood the assignment. It is. And thank you for repeating the genre. If anyone at home has forgot it. Yes, yes. It’s a little bit of Buffy. Yes. Well, listen, I don’t mean to betray you by making sure you don’t win, even though you were nice enough to plug the book, which I appreciate, and I will thank you, but I think Jordan really juiced it with hers, and I thought the delivery was fantastic. And I don’t want to betray my position as judge. Thank you. And not award the one that I feel is the winner. We love a pun. We love a pun. We love a pun. And everybody did great as always. Well done. Youth Group, horror comedy, coming to Amazon this fall. Okay, let’s read the other half of the story. Yes. Oh, yes. Let’s find out what is. She casually mentioned to her friend that one of the differences between her glasses and her contact lenses is that when she’s on her knees looking up at me with her glasses on. My penis looks much bigger compared to what it looks like through her contact lenses, which is why she’s keeping her glasses on during sex. She actually wrote ouch. That’s so funny. To me, it seems like the visual of the penis size doesn’t matter as much as the size itself. Right. Yes. I’m not an expert, but. Sure. That doesn’t. But, just, some people are very visual. I guess that’s true. Size doesn’t matter. That’s for me. I forgot. Lucas. Lucas. How do I? Okay. Thank you. Wow. Thank you, Lucas. And thank you, Courtney, for joining us. And thank you, Mythical Crew. We will see you all next weekend for another Good Mythical Weekend. Bye Bye. Cuddle up with the Mythical Beast Blanket, as a Third Degree Mythical Society member, join now at mythicalsociety.com