Good Mythical Weekend. Today’s game is simple. Tell the worst joke and get an egg cracked over your head. This is Joke or Yolk. Hey, guys. Hey. How’s it going? You’re back. Yeah. You are back, but you’re not back, because you’re here for the first time. I’m here. Yes. This is what’s happened. Kendahl. You may know Kendahl from TikTok. You may know Kendahl from being engaged. I do. I’ll call it like it is. I’m not a good joke teller. No. But I’m a good. You’re an excellent truth teller. Thank you. And you’re a good person. Well, I mean, sometimes. And you’re hot. That’s what matters. And you’re my boss. I brought you all here to compliment me. No, I’m very good at judging all of you, so that’s mostly what I’m gonna be doing. Did you get highlights? We. No. It looks really good. Oh, thank you very much. And so. I also like. All right. Okay. Do I kiss? This is going well. We brought Kendahl in so there’d be another blonde lesbian telling better jokes, is what I was getting at. That was a good joke, though. That was a great joke. That was a great joke. Well, I’m not playing, okay? So don’t beg me. All right. Don’t beg me. You kind of know how this works, because we talked about it just before the cameras started rolling. Basically every round there’s gonna be a topic, and you’re. I’m going to pick somebody who’s going to grab one of these eggies off of this and put it in front of them. Some of the eggs are hard boiled, and some of them are raw, and you can’t tell which is which. That little eggie is going to move around the table to whoever has the worst joke. So, like, you know, Jordan tells a joke, Kendahl tells a joke. Jordan, I’m sorry, just for this example, Jordan’s joke is worse. You keep it. It’ll be worse. And then. I plan stinkers on purpose because I like having eggs cracked on my head. That’s right. I’m gross. Once everyone tells their joke, the person who told the worst joke gets the egg, cracks it on their head, discovers if it’s hard boiled or not. You understand how this goes. Okay, so y’all were told the topics beforehand, so these jokes better be freaking amazing. No pressure. And the first topic we’re going with is TikTok. Jordan, this seems like a specialty of yours and Kendahl’s, but Kendahl is our guest. Yeah. So please choose your egg. Okay. Oh, can I spin it? Yeah, spin it. Art department. Lazy Susan. All right, I’m gonna do this one. Oh, my God. All right. Okay, and I’ll go first. Yes. TikTok. TikTok. Boy, oh, boy. The US government really hates women. We can’t have abortions or get ready with me videos? Come on, that’s hilarious. Topical! Thanks, baby. This seems unfair now. This seems unfair. It’s funny, and it makes a statement. Okay, we’re gonna go this way. It’s gonna go to the other Jordan TikTok, I don’t need an app to show me algorithmically generated videos that cater to my specific desires. I already have this homemade VHS tape of Mortal Kombat fatalities, goth women exercising, and men who look like my dad telling me they’re proud of me. TikTok. You made a prop? Yeah, I went to a thrift store and got this VHS tape of Minority Report and put this little label over it. Okay. Can we watch it later? Yeah. Minority Report? Yeah. Hell, yeah, bro. Okay. Is the egg moving or is the egg staying? This is tough. There was prop work. Yours is very vulnerable. But Kendahl really liked Jordan’s better. I love you, Jordan. I love you too, Matt. But I love the succinctness of the joke. And also political. Wow. You love. You love political? I love political. It makes me go, wow. All right, let’s pass the egg. Yeah, I’ll take the egg. Come here, come here, come here. Sorry, Jordan. You can pass it. Oh, my God, that’s so fast. That’s great. All right, Kendahl. I have a new VHS of Minority Report. A win’s a win. The worst thing TikTok has done for our society is make middle aged white women think they should open up a cake decorating business. Oh, yes. True. Yeah. Yeah. Although those are satisfying videos to watch. I wanna buy one, and you can never find it. Buy one what? One of their cakes. I don’t wanna make one. I don’t wanna learn. I wanna buy that cake. And then they’re like, we can’t ship a cake that far. And you’re like, well, then get off the TikTok. Yeah. Yeah. So you’re a commenter, then? Yes. Mail me the cake. I just. Mail thee the cake, mean lady. And then they wouldn’t mail it to me. Mean lady wouldn’t mail me cake. I keep thinking someone’s farting, but it’s just the boiled eggs. It’s the eggs. I thought, too. I was like, it’s my breath? Yes, the perfect segment to cover me farts. I’ll take. I’ll keep the eggs. We all like the cake. Okay. Okay. And it really started a conversation, which. It started a conversation, and that’s what. And you liked it better? I loved it. Yeah. Emily. All right, TikTok. Hang on. Okay. Okay. TikTok’s got everything. I mean. Oh, my God. She’s crying. Why are you crying? Because this joke sucks. Emily, none of these are any of our best jokes. You sell it. No, say the. We all just have to. I know. Just give me a minute. All right. I’m gonna just do it real fast. Do it. TikTok is everything, man. It’s the only place that you can get diagnosed with a mental illness while getting more mentally ill. That’s good. That’s an astute joke about TikTok. Thank you. That’s a great joke. Okay. Your turn. Oh, no, wait. Who gets it? Just give it to me. No, if we give it to her, she’ll cry. No, no, I’ll be fine. I’ll be fine. I’m fine. I’m gonna play the game. I honestly thought that was a great joke. I honestly want Jordan to keep it. It’s not because I’m sitting next to you. His joke upset me, genuinely. Okay, I will take it. It wasn’t really about the topic. Okay. Is there mascara all over me? No, no, no. No, no. All right. Okay. What’s in your crotch? Nothing. Matt looks at his penis before every joke. His penis is just fully out under the table. He’s like, okay, and I’m gonna delivery. Wish me luck, buddy. Wish me luck. Go for it. I love you. It would have a high pitch. Go for it, Matt. You’re hilarious. From now on, I want only your penis to tell the jokes. You sound like Mickey Mouse. Yeah, it’s Mouse. I’m laughing so hard I’m coughing. My penis’s name is Mouse. Oh, my God. He’s in the public domain now. Anybody can put Matt’s on a shirt. All right. All right. Yeah. Okay. Wish me luck, Steamboat Willie. That’s for our British fans. Okay, so Congress has decided to ban TikTok because they say it spreads misinformation and propaganda, which is crazy to me, because that is exactly what my idol, Osama bin Laden, has been warning me about. God. I thought my joke was gonna get in trouble for this round. Cause remember how TikTok? Are you saying TikTok existed in, like, nineteen ninety-eight? Are you saying that his ghost is? Wait, when did he? I’m saying that. So one of the things that spread was everyone was reading, like, Osama bin Laden stuff, and then people were like, actually, he’s not that bad. What stuff? Well, it’s like they always say, nothing adds to a joke like a good old fashioned explanation. You guys aren’t just. You’re just nothing smart enough to. Me and Mouse love this joke. That’s gonna be it. Mouse. Mouse is the best joke of the day. And if people don’t laugh hard enough, just yell at them that they’re not smart. Sorry, I do it on stage all the time. Come see Matt at the Rooster T. Feathers, get called an idiot. He’ll call you an idiot, and then he’ll get lit early. That’s what happened. All right. Smash that on your penis. All right. You guys didn’t know the thing where Osama bin Laden, people were reading his. Reading what? His stuff. He had, like, a thing where His explanation for. TED talk? He wrote it. Okay, I’m gonna smash the egg. He had a vlog. He had a vlog. I know this one’s all wet. Yeah. Yeah. God, that’s fun. We’re really. The hair, Matt. Starting things off. You messed up, Matt. I’m going back inside for a while. I’m just gonna. I’m gonna grab this. I’m gonna put a new egg in here. This old egg will just sit here, I guess. Thank you. And your next topic is bidets. Bidets. Anyone feel strongly about bidets? Or shall we move around the table to the next Jordan in line? Okay, Julie Andrews. That sounds. Dear gentle users, do you feel strongly about bidets? Bidets, bidets. All right, now, this orange cup is fun. Okay. Bidets. Everybody’s getting into the bidet game. Even celebrity chef Guy Fieri. His version is just a length of hose and a drum of garlic mayonnaise. One squirt and your ass’ll taste as good as one of Guy’s greasy boy sammies. Oh, my God. Okay, now, can you do it again? But, like, you have to be quiet about it, like it’s a little secret. Everybody’s getting into the bidet game. Even celebrity chef Guy Fieri. His version is just a length of hose and a drum of garlic mayonnaise… One squirt and your ass will feel as great as one of Guy’s signature greasy boy sammies. That’s the delivery. That’s the delivery. You were right about that. But now I’m not laughing, because I’m so horny. Whoops. Story of my life. Okay. Kendahl. It’s me. Here I go. All right. Last week, I went to a hotel, and I was promised there would be a bidet there. There wasn’t. And let’s just say I had a bad day. Come on. Come on. I can crack it now, or. I’m sure we want to hear all the bidet. So good. I like the idea of booking a hotel based on when you’re planning to have, like, a really bad shit. Yeah, that front desk lady was like, just don’t come. Please. I’m traveling to a chili cook off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Please. Before I. Are you okay this? Are you okay? I think so. But before I begin, I just wanna, like, make sure how I use the bidet is normal. What level do y’all go up to? Highest level. Me too. Pressure wash. Yeah. What is the other levels for? I think just, like, if it’s a hot day and you want to be cooled down. Do you need this for your joke? No, I just was asking questions. She’s just gathering information. Okay, here’s my joke. Bidets are a lot like the shower at the gym. Like, the pressure is either too strong, not strong enough. And there’s me eating an egg salad sandwich naked. I liked it. I liked it, too. Thank you. I like egg salad sandwiches, so. Yeah, I know. I think everyone else did, too. Okay, Matt. Okay, my turn. I have a bidet at home. I can tell you right now, if you don’t have one, get one. I’ve never had a more intense orgasm. That’s it? That’s it. It was the one. It’s the whole bit. It was like. That’s just a story. Okay, now you gotta do it, like. Now say it like you’re on the Fury Road. Yes. Bidets! Why are you Irish? It’s not Irish. It’s Valhalla guy. I can’t stop. If you do not have a bidet, please purchase one. I’ve never had more intense orgasms! Did you find the key to Davy Jones locker? Okay, I forgot. Now I’ve forgotten. I’ll take it. Yeah, give it to Matt again. Thanks, man. Thanks, bud. You guys. He’s spending time away from his child to do this. Yes, I have a child at home who needs his papa. All right. All right. Well, I just wanna say that I am so happy that Mythical installed bidets in the work toilets because it has made it so much easier to stay anally stimulated on the job. And it’s a lot easier than what I was doing before. There’s something about the phrase work toilet, that I don’t like. Yeah, I know. Okay? What do you call it? There’s break toilet, work toilet. And then there’s play toilet. Play toilet. There’s the toilet that Matt is having sex with. All work toilet and no play toilet makes jack a dull toilet. All right, I’ll do it. I can take the egg. I feel like your all toilet, no toilet makes toilet a dull toilet. It wasn’t my joke. I felt like it saved him. So I’ll take this one, and I think. I’ll be remembering this. I think it’s raw, I’ll tell you that right now. Hey! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. That was weak. That was weak. No, I heard it. It kind of hurt. I heard the thump from over here. Are you okay? Are you crying? No. You’re crying. Because I’m laughing. I hit myself, so hard, and nothing happened. It was just, nothing. That’s so loud. Is there a rock in this? It’s hard boiled? Oh, my God. That is the loudest thing I’ve ever heard. It actually hurt pretty bad. That is the hardest egg in the world. What is in it? There was like a moment of silence afterwards. Oh, my God. And we all just. What? She doesn’t have to put that on. Put it on your head. She hit it real hard. What? That’s the hardest raw egg ever. The thump was audible. I bet the mics picked up the thump. Oh, my God. That’s really upsetting. What’s wrong with this egg? I love it. Did you do it pointing side down? I did it pointy side down on my head, and then it didn’t work, so I did it other side down on Matt’s head. You have to do it sideways. Flat smash. Why? I don’t know. That’s just science. Dome science. You flat smash. You got a flat smash. Or you got a flat smash. Do you want me to still put it on my head? No, no! No, no. You’re going to hurt yourself, and that’s funny enough. Would you pass me that egg cup? Thank you very much. I’m going to try and go for a less hard egg. Good luck. In this batch. Okay. Do you have a napkin? Your. Oh, yeah. Next topic is family vloggers. Great. And Kendahl, you are going first. Okay, here we go. Oh, I think I’m gonna do yellow. Has that been done yet? I don’t remember. I don’t think so. Okay. My head still hurts from the egg. It’s a cute cup. I know. I really love these. It is so hard being in this entertainment industry when the Mad Max prequel sold five million tickets in theaters and a YouTube video called my two year old daughter gets glasses for the first time got twenty million views in the first twenty-four hours. Oh, yeah. That is a bummer. Yeah. Yeah. It’s not a joke. It’s a serious. But have you seen that video? I’ve watched it, yes. I loved it. I loved it, too. All right, Emily. I don’t like family vloggers because some of us don’t have a family to exploit. Some of us don’t have anyone who will let their children be around them long enough. Hang on, let me start over. Oh, my God. I’m allowed to be. Okay, let me do this. I hate all of these jokes. Okay, here we go. We’re selling it. We’re selling this turd, baby. Let’s sell a turd. Keep all of this. I don’t like family bloggers. No, I don’t like them. Because some of us don’t have a family to exploit. Some of us lonely, single women aren’t even responsible enough to have a cat. Some of us stay up till two A.M. asking Google if we should own a guinea pig because we saw a TikTok where Chappell Roan put a tiny tiara on her guinea pig, and I need it now. Are there online quizzes to see if you should own a? Oh, yeah. Really? And? It says, don’t do it. They said, is this Emily Fleming? Don’t. You immediately got a phone call. Put it down. Put down the laptop. No, but I might get one. I might. Okay. So, Mad Max and guinea pig. I’ll keep my egg. I’ll take it. I’m biased. Well, we’ll get there in a minute, Matt. Okay. Family vloggers. Family vloggers. I like family vloggers. You know? What’s not to like about a family that you can unsubscribe from? Now that is good. Really good. That’s clever. I like it. I like that. It’s concise. No Osama bin Laden. It’s all there. It’s all there. Didn’t do my penis voice. Dang it, I forgot about it. No, no, please don’t. I feel like you have to give family vloggers credit, because most people who abuse their children do it and don’t make any money from it. Exactly. Smart. Smart on their part. Family vloggers. I feel bad for the children of family vloggers. They would get to have normal childhoods if their dads weren’t still bitter about getting kicked off the college improv team. Every time a kid’s like, you know, I love Shirley Temple. I can just see improv dad off camera. Bigger, brighter. Yes. A hundred percent, yes. Bigger, brighter. Bigger, bright. Okay. You know, you talked a big game about how you’re supposed to crack an egg on your head. So, let’s see it. No, you can’t shake it. Oh, sorry. I didn’t. I just thought that’d be fun. Hard boiled. You’re really trying to push it. I think I was like, it’s gonna go. It’s gonna go. It had a satisfying crack too. Yeah. Very satisfying crack. You know what? I’m very impressed with your egg cracking. Thank you. You talked a big game, and you delivered. I know I got competitive when you said. Yeah, that was good. I like that. I’ll keep this. No, no. I also enjoyed your method, comedically. I’m going to file workers comp after this. Okay, the next topic is alpha males. Emily. Okay. I would marry a rich, alpha male. I mean, he would, like, he’d feed me, he’d house me, he’d die in a few years, because he’s unvaccinated. He’s got that good sperm, though. That unvaccinated sperm that apparently people want. My turn? Yeah. Okay. This sucks. All right. Stevie, I’m gonna need your participation in this one. Okay? Okay. All right. Oh, God. All right, all right. You got it. I am not an alpha male, nor am I a beta male. Shut up. Start over. Start over. I am not an alpha male, nor am I a beta male, nor am I a sigma male. I am more of what people would call a ligma male. What’s a ligma male? Ligma nuts. I’m sorry. That was homophobic to include her in that. I’m sorry. I’m an alpha male. I’m super into fitness. What’s fitness? Fitting this nutsack in your mouth. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. That was really “bofa” of me. What’s “bofa”? Both of these nuts. Hey, does anyone like Wendy’s? What’s Wendy’s? When these nuts. When these nuts. Wow. When these nuts is in your mouth. Give me the egg. No. Well, hang on. Give her a second. I don’t know. That did make me pee a little bit. I think I’m gonna keep it. No, you got this. I don’t know. I’ve forgotten everything that’s happened before that. I mean. That joke was a little bit of a Men in Black, flashy thing situation. Literally. Your entire life. I got a little scared halfway through tou were never going to stop. We all just grow long beard, turn into skeletons. I don’t know. I think I’m gonna keep it. I don’t remember. Mine was the unvaccinated guy. No way. That was a way better joke. That was a way better joke. I’ll take it in a second. My joke for this round’s not that good. Do you need me to ask you questions? Yeah. Okay. Just look at me hard. I. My. What? What’s a? Is it? My, in your mouth! No, Jordan. Does the formula works? No. No, that doesn’t work. And why did you guys laugh when the man did it? Yeah. Why did you laugh when the man? Yeah, if only I had some taint. What’s taint? My taint on your face. Damn, that sucks butthole. No way. Was that really your joke? Yeah, can you believe it? I had the exact same joke written. That’s the alpha males joke. There’s the. What’s the aristocrats? The alpha male joke is just that. Over and over and over. Yeah, yeah, this is a real who’s on first? What’s first? What’s first? The first time I put my, in your mouth. That feels more appropriate. That feels more appropriate? Easy for you to say. You weren’t involved in that one. Exactly! Oh my God. So Matt can talk about his nuts in your mouth? That. It was in general. Yeah. Whose mouth are these nuts in? Whoever is around. Now, I’m filing worker’s comp for mental distress. I want to make it clear that everyone has to lick my nuts. Like, it’s not specific to Stevie. Okay, and I’m gonna put my in everybody’s face. And I’m fine with it. I’m fine with it. I don’t feel so lonely anymore. Alpha males are important to history because the term alpha male comes from alpha. The greek meaning first and male, the greek meaning disappointment. That’s funny. Alpha males. Alpha males call themselves Chads. When have you ever met a cool Chad? Chad’s a guy who gets fired from TGI Fridays for selling Adderall in the parking lot. The most famous Chad is the guy from Nickelback. And he makes music for when you get fired for TGI Fridays for selling Adderall in the parking lot. Another long one. Also, Chad, call me. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I’m not. Okay. Alpha males will make fun of women for owning too many purses. Meanwhile, they have nineteen podcasts? Yeah. It’s true. It’s not funny, because it’s true. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I mean. Yeah. You did tell everyone. I’m happy to do it. To put your nuts in their mouth. I’m happy to do it. You seem happy. Yeah, do it. Do it on the side like they told us. Okay. Okay. Yeah, that’s nice. Wow. Well, that’s great. Drippy. You guys seen the show Shōgun? Shōgun these nuts. That one doesn’t even make sense. Like, choke on. Oh, choke on. Here, you can have it. Thank you. Thank you. Okay. Not good. Oh, okay. We can’t. We’ve got to help this situation before we can move, but. Okay. Wait. No. It’s your turn to actually pick the. Fun. Okay. Fun, fun. The topic is Hollywood. Oh, good. And Matt, you can, right? Yes. Yeah. Spinny, spinny, spinny. Fun. Don’t go so fast. Spinny, spinny fun. Spinny, spinny, spinny, spinny. All right. Hollywood, a lot of people think that it’s hard to make it in Hollywood, but let me tell you, as someone who moved to LA to live his dreams, I sell drugs. That’s good. That’s good. That’s very good. That’s really good. Covered in egg. I know. The smell is so bad. Riddled with. Riddled with egg. A lot of people say everything in Hollywood is fake. If that were true, I’d have much nicer breasts. I like that. You could have chosen, like, a lot of other words for that last word, and I think you chose correctly. Breast is the funniest one, right? I think so. I think breast is funnier than, like, titties. Yeah, yeah. I have a few suggestions. Matt’s penis is always trying to comment on my breasts. Matt’s penis has a lot of burner Twitter accounts. Anime avatar. Hollywood. If you’re from out of town, come on down to Hollywood Boulevard and see all your favorite stars. Assuming your favorite stars are guy in a SpongeBob costume with weird stains on it and Spider-Man with a visible erection. I love him. That guy’s great. I mean, some people like Tobey, some people like Andrew Garfield. Me, I like Spider-Man with a visible erection, standing in front of the Chinese Theatre. Yeah. Hollywood. No, that’s not the first word of my. Take two. I like to restate the topic. Yeah, Jordan does it. You did it with the same tone as, like, Hollywood. I just met one, so I get why you wanted to change it. Okay. Hollywood. You did it again. No, I got it. I knew it. I’m putting a period at the end of the day. Hollywood. That’s what we’re talking about. You sound like you’re about to start a Sixty Minutes expose. Hollywood. It’s where dreams are made. But are they? Hollywood. City. Hollywood. Hollywood. Better. Hollywood. Hollywood. Hollywood. City of stars. More like twenty-five dollar parking for the first hour, and then fifteen dollars for every five seconds after that. The parking is expensive. Why I oughta. You have a catchphrase. Say Hollywood again. Say Hollywood a few more times. Hollywood! Why I oughta. Why I oughta. Why I oughta. Boy. I like that. Add a catchphrase at the end of the joke. You’ll think you’re making best friends all throughout Hollywood, but it turns out they all just want you to join Scientology. Give me the egg. You’re not supposed to do it on the front of your head. Friendly fire. What? I’m supposed to do it on the back of my head? Just, well. Then I gotta wash the whole head. It’s done. It’s done. I think you did it right. Thank you. Except for, and it got on me. Towel, please. Okay, so. Did you get an egg? No, I didn’t get an egg. You were egg free. All right. The table has spoken. I think I just had the second worst joke a couple of times. No. Okay, well, you avoid the egg in that way. I did not get egged. Stevie. So sly. But maybe next time. Look at my phone. Maybe next time we play this game. But we’re not playing it next weekend. We’re playing another game next weekend. So come back for a whole new episode of Good Mythical Weekend. Good day to you. Face the reality of mortality head on with our new Last Meals hat and tee, available now at mythical.com