Good Mythical Weekend. Today’s game is all about risky jokes that don’t cross the line, but get just close enough to win the game. Who’s ready to get canceled? I would love to not get canceled. Okay, that’s, that’s. Y’all have tried to get me canceled before, and I will not be saying anything about Taylor Swift today. This is Don’t Cross My Line, Bro. Okay, so the rules of the game are pretty straightforward. There’s a red line right here. You want to maybe be on it, or close to it, but you don’t want to cross it. So what’s gonna happen is, y’all are all given a bunch of topics to prepare jokes for. So every round, one of you is gonna be the judge, up here, and the rest of you are gonna tell jokes. And the judge, based on their own mind and feelings, uh, is going to tell you to take a certain amount of squares, slash steps forward, towards the line. Again! You want to be on the line, they’re just before it. If you get after it, you’ve crossed the line. Which is like, not the title. Your first topic is age gap relationships. And Myrick, you are going to judge. And I’m going to go over there. All right, Jordan. Okay, I’m ready. You look great today, Jordan. Yeah. Flattery does work. Ah. Whoever wants to go first? Um, okay, and I’m ready to rock. Begin. Age is nothing but a number. But what is a number really? Just something you can meld, mold, and manipulate into whatever you need it to be. Okay. Come on. Less of a joke and more of kind of perverted slam poetry. Okay. Um. But I did like it. I did like it. I liked it, yeah. I’m not laughing, but I’m snapping. I’m thinking, I’m horny. You know what, get right up next to the line for right now. I think it felt really kind of, uh, almost on the line because it didn’t feel like a joke. It felt like there was no joking. It felt like, hey, if you say it in a smooth enough way, you can have sex with anyone of any age. Right. So I feel like that’s right on the line. Okay. But, maybe we’ll readjust. I’ll see. Um, alright, Jordan? Age gaps. You know, I used to be a little nervous about analingus until I dated a much, much, much older woman. She trained me to like [bleep] by sticking a Werther’s original up there. Okay. Age gaps. Your spelling bee technique is my favorite. What is analingus? It’s when you [bleep]. You don’t know what analingus is? Well, I didn’t, Latin ingus. Yeah. Okay. Got it. Go home and apologize to your wife. All right, Jordan, let’s get you closer to me a little bit or come come come come come stop, on the back foot. Yeah, perfect. Okay, great. Good job. Alright, Emily. I am now the same age that Jennifer Coolidge was when she played Stifler’s mom in American Pie. So now maybe I will attract men who saw that movie, which is men my own age. Points for sadness. Um, and Emily, I’m gonna have you between Rachel and Jordan. Okie dokie. Perfect. Alright, Matt? Uh, so everyone always gets so upset when I say I want to date a much younger woman. But it’s really not what you think. I just happen to think much younger women are a little bit dumber and have much better bodies. Jesus Christ. He’s married. That’s the other part that people get upset by. Hey Matt, come on over here and give me a kiss. That’s how close to me from the line you are. Way over it. Over it? Of course you’re over it! Matt! Jordan! Matt! These are jokes! Of course they’re jokes, but it’s a little over the line and the fans are not gonna like it. This bodes poorly for me the rest of the game. Yes, I can sense it. Come on right over here with me, big guy. Yep. Yeah, I think, you know, I think, hey, listen, I get that it’s a joke. I think there could have been a little more punch to the line, that’s all I’ll say. I agree, pretty direct. So, I think you’re over the line and I think this is the standing. I think Rachel is the closest to the line. Without being over it. Rachel, can I hear yours just one more time? Yeah, no, that rocks. I’d love to do it again. , um, love saying it the first time. Love to say it a second. Age. Age is nothing but a number. And what is a number? Really just something you can meld, mold and manipulate into whatever you need it to be. It’s so sexy the way she says it. Yeah. It also, like, it also seems very wise. Like I could see it crocheted on a pillow, but I. I went to school in Arkansas, so pardon this. Sure. I don’t think that’s how numbers work. Yeah, it is. This is what I’ll say. I think jokes should make you think. Yes. And we’re all thinking. And that’s why Rachel’s the winner of this round. Get to thinking. It’s not about laughing. It’s about, huh? Yeah. Yeah. I think we ended this round in the best way possible. I think it made a lot of sense the way we ended it. And I think it’s perfect. Okay, Emily’s the judge this round. Your topic is child stars. Jordan, a lot of people say we shouldn’t use child stars in film and TV, but then where would Hollywood executives find people to date? Alright, I want you to come to the line for now. Alright, also, a lot of truth coming today. Okay, um, other Jordan! Yes, child stars. Child stars can be very useful. If you have any adult male relatives, just look to see who is commenting fire emojis on Millie Bobby Brown’s Instagram, and now you know who not to invite to Thanksgiving. Child stars. Very nice. Um, mmm, I think you should come right behind, uh, Jordan, the, the square right behind. And I may change my mind. I don’t know. All right. Go for it, Matt. All right. Besides Britney Spears, Shia LaBeouf, Britney Murphy, Amanda Bynes, Lindsay Lohan, the Olsen twins, and Corey Feldman, name one child star who didn’t turn out to be an awful disaster. I happen to think Britney is brave. Um, I think that you should come to the squares right behind Jordan. Oh, that doesn’t help me. Oh yeah, there’s two of us. Well, the one you’re next to. Okay. Yeah, Jordan Morris. We’re twins. A lot of people don’t know that. I know. I think my new technique is I’m just gonna high road everybody after their jokes. Okay. Get some applause from people. Very nice. Okay. So like, I might not win this game, but everyone in the comments will love me for having good takes. I don’t care about being funny. I just want people to think I have good takes. Hot takes. No, no, no. Not hot. Just good. Nope. Good. Okay. Thank you for specifying. Rachel bring it on home. Yeah, I can’t wait to knock it out. I can’t wait to knock this one out people. Give us the truth bumps, Rachel! Can’t wait to just sort of lay it down is what I’m realizing. Some people say that child stars are the victims of child abuse, all right? But not if you get it right on the first take! Ha ha ha ha ha! Step to the line, Rachel! Very nice. Very nice. I happen to think Britney is brave. There you go. Listen. I’m going to high road everybody. I’m going to go ahead and say Rachel is the winner for this round. Very nice. That was a great joke. Okay, Jordan Morris, you are the judge and the topic is divorce. I, I am a child of divorce, so, um, just be very careful. I’m very, I’m very sensitive on this subject, bro. Um, you know, my parents did get divorced, but my mom remarried and she’s very happy. So, it has a happy ending. But there’s a lot of old wounds underneath this tough skin. Uh, Jordan Meyers, you’re up first. Absolutely. I mean, I think divorce is just terrible, because it makes people like you think they’re interesting. It is so sad. Alright, um, alright. Let’s do, let’s do four steps. Four steps forward. Ouch. And, like, my little monologue, like, proved it. Me, like, having to insert myself into it. I actually edited the joke in the moment to make it specifically about you because of your monologue. That’s great. The joke was originally more general. Right. Listen, us straight white guys need to invent tragedy for ourselves. I didn’t say that. I didn’t say that. No one clip that and act like I said that. I went to a public school. Waaaah. Um, alright. Matt Carney, you’re up. Alright, well, I don’t know why everyone’s so afraid of divorce. I’ve been looking forward to having stepchildren since the day I saw my first porno. All right, uh, I like this, I like this, I like this. I want to talk about the logic. I’m here for it. I’m a big logic guy. So, in this scenario, the first porno you saw was a step sibling. Yes, a man had a stepchild. Oh, right, a stepchild. Stepdad, yeah. I see a lot of those. I mean, we’re about the same age. Yeah. Wouldn’t your actual first porno have been, like, a pizza guy thing, or a plumber thing, or a pool boy thing? I want to be clear. The older man, like, was very old. He was, like, really old. So the woman was, like, perfectly fine age. Mm hmm. Alright. What does that mean? I just felt like it was good to make it clear. What’s a fine age? Just, you know, in case I ever want to run for something at any point. Run? Oh, run. Just put that out of your mind. That’s not going to happen. That will never happen. Yeah, I love Matt’s jokes because they let me know that his wife is going to be single soon and she’s really cute. Matt’s wife, call us. Um, alright, no, no, no. I like that joke. I think it was, uh, it was pretty spicy. So why don’t you take five steps forward? Ooh. One, two, three, four, five. Rachel, Rachel, you’re up. I’m ready for it. Alright. Divorced women thrive. If Miss Piggy and Kermit got a divorce, Miss Piggy would have a new mink coat and clear skin. If Kermit got that divorce, he’d be on that little bike, peddling his sad little [bleep]. to Sound of Silence music, and going right into a river to drown. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Uh, points for using the Muppets. I love them. Some of my favorite pop culture characters. You could all be mentioning my favorite characters, though. Uh, yeah, points for, points for Kermit. I like, uh, I like him drowning himself. Tough for a frog to do. Yeah, so I think, I think you’re tied with Jordan on this one, so why don’t we go four steps forward. Right here. Emily, I have faith in you. You can do this. Don’t believe what anyone says about divorce. It’s always the child’s fault. Emily. Sorry. Sorry. I, I don’t know. A lot of truth to that. Um, why don’t you take six steps forward and stand right on the line. I think that is the Spiciest joke of the bunch. Just edging out Matt. And I think the only reason, Carney, that you aren’t winning this is the logic issue. I think these jokes should track timeline wise. I think, I think you, yeah, I get it. You can’t argue this. I made my decision. Emily wins. You’re second. Yay! Okay, Rachel is our last judge and the topic is Bestiality. Yeah, y’all, y’all are ready to get in there? Yeah, anything you want to say about your personal relationship with bestiality first before we start? Jordan gave something about divorce. Right, yeah, I love, I love animals. Um, I think they’re cool, I think they’re neat, but you know, that’s about it. Yeah, I agree. Like, I think it’s so weird how people think it’s so cool when everyone online is putting Simba from The Lion King on their hear me out cake, right? But when I say I want to be [bleep] by a prairie dog, I’m the weird one. Damn, that’s, that’s wild. Okay, um, I think that’s good. I think the height difference makes sense to me. Right. Is the dog, is the furry dog going all the way? No, it doesn’t matter. I, it’s just. Are we getting into the logic again? No, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I didn’t know comedy and logic. No, there doesn’t need to be. I think, I think what, take, take about four steps. Nice. Five steps forward. Right. Two, three, four. Maybe one back. I think one back. Yeah, that’s good, I think. I love any game at work that lets me know my boss is a bottom. Oh my god, I peed a little. Don’t. Don’t do it. Alright, Emily. Listen, if the dog was wearing a little skirt, he was asking for it. Oh, God! Oh, no! A little skirt! Well, and since it’s, oh, no, I’m gonna put you right on the line. And the little skirt, that’s on the line. Yeah, get on in there. Yeah, yeah. Okay. How often are dogs wearing skirts? It’s L. A., baby. Enough for Emily to notice. Jordan. Alright. I thought that bestiality was disgusting until I learned that it was just having sex with animals and not having sex with mythical fans. Doesn’t seem as bad. I think mythical fans are brave. Um, damn, Jordan, yeah. I think you should get on up there just a little before. Thank you. Yeah. I think that’s. Yes. Mythical beastiality. Yeah. That’s interesting. Merch, if nothing else. Yes. A mythical themed furry convention. Hey. I’m pretty sure they’re happening already. I think we should, we should do that. Yeah, they’re unauthorized. This was a joke, but I’m actually trying to get people to connect. I would be a red panda. All right. Jordan? Um, beastiality. There’s more people into bestiality than you’d think. I found a site online that has a countdown clock so weirdos know when Moodang turns 18. Bestiality. Ooh, bite me! Bite me, little guy! I don’t know. To me, that’s over the line. To me, that is over the line. Yeah, get on over it. Moodang’s a child. Okay, well, y’all did a great job, but there can only be one winner and that person is a red panda. Thank you. Thank you. It’s nice, you steamed it and everything. Thank you all for playing and thank you for watching. We will see you hopefully next Saturday for a brand new episode of Good Mythical Weekend Want to be morbid? 100%. there’s got to be a way we can figure out how to make dogs live outlive us Well, they can already clone your dog, right? But then do they have the same personality? I don’t think.