Good Mythical Weekend. Today’s game is all about jokes that do not cross the line, but they get very, very close. Who’s ready to get risky? Whewww! This is: Don’t Cross My Line, Bro. Okay, deviants, you or give it a list of topics, in which to write little jokes that you thought approached this red line here but didn’t cross over it. So there’s gonna be a judge every round. You guys are gonna rotate up here. You’re gonna go down the line, you’re gonna tell your jokes, and the judge is gonna place you as close to the line as they think that you deserve. There’s associated points with however close you get. If you cross over the line, you lose. You bust. I for one love to bust. Okay. ((Laughter)) Emily, you’re up first and the topic is polyamory, so please. Uh oh boy. Come into the judge’s spot. Alright. And proceed. Am I first because I won the last time? Uh, that was a disputed win, if I may. By who? If I may reference the comments. Thank you all. Oh, comments. I’ve always been on your side. Comments. Alright. Um, polyamory. Have at it. Jordan, would you like to go first? I would love to. Polyamory. Polyamory actually comes from a Greek word. Poly meaning many, and amory, meaning venereal diseases. Polyamory. All right. I’d say, uh, let’s get you in the middle. Let’s get you to like a little further. One more step. There you go. Right there I think. Yes. Okay. Yes. Give the comment section a little wave. I actually love the polyamorous community and I uh, assume that being sex positive people, they actually probably take safe sex very seriously. So it was just a joke. Um, do not burn me with your clove cigarettes the next time you see me. ((Laughter)) Um, alright, Davin. See you guys at the Ren fair. Huh, polyamory. I find the idea of polyamory very interesting. I just hope they invent a version for hot people sometime soon, though. He thinks they’re ugly. Whoa. All right. I’m gonna go ahead and say that that’s meaner than Jordan’s. So you’re gonna go one square ahead of Jordan. Like Jordan, I also love the polyamory community. That was just a joke. Yes. Yeah. No, we’re both fans. Listen, if there’s, if there’s a throuple out there that wants you become a quad, let me know. Yeah. In that case. Step back one square, you backtracking cowards, you two. Alright. Okay. There we go. All right, Matt, give it to us. All right. Well, I’m listening to my friends here talk about polyamory one, venereal diseases, the other ugliness, but I don’t think that is the hardest part of being polyamorous. What is the hardest part? The other guy’s penis. So that’s a joke about how Matt can’t get hard. Yeah. Self-own, bro. So that was a self-own. I mean, I, I mean honestly that’s, I don’t think that’s very offensive at all. It’s just, you know, very informative. So why don’t you take two steps forward, please, Matt? Two big steps. Two small. Two. Yeah, there you go. All right. Bring it on home. Leonard. Uh, yeah, polyamory. I don’t think I could ever be polyamorous. The idea just makes me uneasy. Unless you know a couple ladies who might be down. All right, Leonard, that doesn’t really sound like polyamory so much as it sounds like a threesome, and I feel like the polyamorous may, uh, take offense to that a little bit. I don’t know, because it’s, you’d also have to like share a communicative, loving relationship with both ladies. Would you be open to that? If I can be horny every day with two women, yeah, of course. Why would I not? All right. You’re not helping yourself. But I, I think that, I think you’re very interested and open to the idea, so I don’t know if that’s very offensive. I’m gonna put you right next to Matt. Hey buddy. Um, hard penis club. All right. You know what? Call people ugly as mean. David, I’m offended. I’m offended. But you know what? Welcome to, welcome to this game. Yay. I’m looking forward to hearing your thoughts on vaccines. Oh, okay. Emily, you’re first. Okay. RFK is an anti-vaxxer and I get it. If I were a Kennedy, I’d be afraid of shots too. Oh, banger. Uh, Emily take… five steps forward. That was pretty close. Three. That’s pretty good. Four, five. Right here. There you go. All right. Uh, Davin, can you also reference one of our great national tragedies in your joke about vaccines? Well, you know, RFK and an unvaccinated child go hand in hand. Do you know what the best way to spot an unvaccinated child is? Usually by the size of their caskets. Sorry to bring it down guys, but it’s the reality. Davin, I’m sorry. You’re gonna have to come step over this red line. How dare you bring up a child’s casket in this light comedy format. You know? Sorry. You know what? Apology accepted. You’re a great guy. Thank you. Okay. Matt. I think Davin should apologize to the dead children out there, just like he did with the polyamorous. Uh, they can’t hear you. Oh gosh. My God. Let’s take it out. Uh, Matt, it’s your turn. I’d love to hear your thought on vaccines. Well, I hear a lot of people out there talking about vaccines and vaccines give you autism, which, why is that a bad thing? Someone has to play Minecraft. Well, you know what? [Bleep], you get over the line, you hang out. I knew that one would get you. So far, national tragedy, not so bad. Yeah. Alright, Leonard, you’re up next. Can you please bring some legitimate, respectable humor to this? Okay, well we’re talking about vaccines party. You always gotta think about the, the parents of these kids, you know? You know, I would. Talk about a mom who didn’t vaccinate her kids, but I don’t think dead baby jokes are funny. I mean. If I made Davin cross the line that I wanna remain morally consistent. I don’t think dead baby jokes are funny. That’s what I’m not gonna talk about. Yeah, don’t talk your get over the line. Can’t talk yourself out of this. Emily. By default. Thank you. Have at it, comments. All right guys. The topic this round is white people, because if there’s one topic I can judge, it’s white people. Before we get to that, a lot of the high comments I get last time it was, oh, people don’t understand the assignment. It’s too, this is too soft. I’ll never get offended by jokes. And now look what we’re doing. Yeah, and if you’re upset, then. You gotta figure your stuff out. It’s not about us. Yep. Right? Yeah. White people. Okay. Okay. Emily. Oh, okay. I don’t believe in white exceptionalism except for with racism. We are the best at that. That’s pretty good. That’s pretty good. Well come come three quarters way through. Nice. Yeah. Alright, Jordan. White people, I feel like there needs to be a music festival dedicated to all the best white musical artists, kid Rock, Coldplay, Huey Lewis In the News, it’s gonna be called Music That’s Impossible To [Bleep] to, a Palooza. Jordan, that was, that was, that was good. Emily, do you have like some experience with that? I just feel like we’ve all banged a Coldplay, haven’t we? Never. I’ve tried. I’ve tried. It’s impossible. What’s a better song for pissing on someone than yellow? What? Why are you pissing on someone during sex? Just saying it’s kinkier than you think. Woo. Okay, Jordan, come, come in front of Emily. Oh wow. All right, Matt. All right. I hear a lot of people say that. White people don’t have any culture. And if that’s true, how do you explain school shooters? Oh Jesus. Matt. That is over the line. Banger. That’s over the line. Banger. When he said, when he said culture, I thought it was gonna be a yogurt joke. I’m like, ah, here comes a hot yogurt take. Yeah. I’m like, well, that’s just fun. We do like eating yogurt, don’t we? Alright, Matt. Again, same line. Dead children over the line. Once again, school shooters, too offensive. Guy who is literally working in the White House. Not at all. RFK. Yeah. No, you’re over the line. Matt, move, don’t the system here. Thought you would forget. Yeah. All right, Leonard. Hey, what’s going on? This is my first time doing this. So… White people, you know, um, honestly, I’m, I’m not gonna make fun of white people. Uh, not because I have anything morally against it. It is just that. They own a majority of the guns. Yeah. Yeah. Leonard, you are barely over the line. You win. You win. I’m barely over the line. No, you, sorry. You’re barely under the line. Under the line. Yeah. That’s a commentary on the state of this country. Hi everybody. Hey. Hey. Uh, my name is Matt Carney. I feel like this is going great and I would love to hear your jokes that don’t cross the line on the topic of influencers. Alright, I will begin. I feel like the one silver lining to the Los Angeles fires. Is that at least one or two of the hype houses burned down. With no one in it! I’m not offended. I am bemused. Okay. It was clever and it took a place that we felt like, oh no, she’s gonna go there. And then nobody got hurt in the process. No, just the houses. Yeah. But nobody was in ’em. Um. Halfway please. Okay. I really thought it was a great joke. Jordan. Influencers, to be a good influencer, you need two things. Hotness and the ability to lie to people. That’s why the ultimate influencer could have been my dad. Thad Morris, good looking guy. I couldn’t trust him as far as you could throw him. Hot though. Hot though? Yeah. Oh, oh yeah. Oh yeah. With a name like Thad Morris, bro, he was putting it down. Oh yeah. And he was not on a business trip. He was somewhere else. Um, God, there’s a little sprinkle of incest in there. No, there wasn’t. You thought your dad’s hot? I can say someone’s hot and not wanna– Oh boy. Uh, okay. Okay. Okay. Uh, definitely closer to line than Emily’s. Please split the difference. All right. Davin, hit me. All right. Do you guys know how an influencer signed their suicide note? Like unsubscribe for morgue! Word play. Wow. That was just a fun pun. Thank you. It was fun. You, yeah. In a way we both kind of had dad jokes, didn’t we? Um, I want Davin to cross the line. Oh. All right, Leonard. You know, influencers, a lot of people say that influencers are nothing but conventionally attractive, materialistic cogs in a capitalist machine. I think that’s unfair ’cause a few of them are actually quite ugly. I love the long walks. They get there. Very satisfying. Hey, long walks are good for you. I feel sometimes…. About myself that I’m quite ugly. Oh, no, no, no man. Comments? That didn’t feel good. No. So you, you have just approached the line. But you haven’t crossed it. ’cause I like you very much so you win the round. Hey, if you’re ugly, at least you got charisma still. You know what I’m saying? You’re the big winner from this round, but who will take the whole thing? Stay tuned. Okay. This round you’re gonna be doing jokes based off a real news headline. All right. Here it is. Two Oregon men died from exposure while out looking for Bigfoot. Okay? Two Oregon men died of exposure out looking for Bigfoot, and I’d say at least they’re in heaven now. But much like Bigfoot Heaven doesn’t exist. But hell exists. Hell exists. A little comment. I love you. Okay, wait, wait. Why are you going back? Just stay your ass back across this line. Come on back this way. I crossed the line. You crossed the line by saying heaven isn’t real. Yeah. Oh, fine. Yeah. Okay, Jordan. All right. Two Oregon men died of exposure while looking for Bigfoot. You know, this story makes me wanna visit my loved ones. Hold them close and remind them if I ever die in the woods jacking off my friend. Tell everyone I was looking for Bigfoot. 2 Oregon men died of exposure while out looking for Bigfoot. Two men lost their lives. Jordan two men lost their lives and. Listen, which one? Don’t move at all. ’cause that joke was just too good. But no, actually no. Move all the way up to the line. Right up to the line. Right up to the line. This isn’t, I want you to cross it. It’s okay. That, Davin. Alright. Two Oregon men died from exposure while looking for Bigfoot. Police say they were found in front of Chloe Kardashian’s home. Stevie. Stevie groaned. Oh my God, you guys, oh, I didn’t see you guys as jaw drop until now. I’m, I’m gonna cross the line this, I’m just gonna. Yeah, go ahead. Cross the line. Yeah. I think she’s lovely. Does she have big feet? She’s the tallest one. Yeah. Oh yeah, that’s right. Yeah. It’s Chloe. Yeah. I don’t express that view, Matt. All right, so two Oregon men died from exposure while out looking for Bigfoot. You say, huh? I’m gonna say what we’re all thinking. With just a little bit of conversion therapy. Those boys would still be alive today. Oh no. Oh, no. Jesus Christ. Oh no, I, I think it’s been great working. I loved working here, but I’m gonna go. This is the episode where everyone gets canceled. Jordan took it there and then you hit it out the park. Jordan’s joke was a much better version of my joke. I agree. Yeah, you gotta go ahead, cross that line too, Matt. That was. Well, because I mean, join us. Join us in hell, not only then, it’s also pro conversion theory. We can’t have that. Yeah. I mean, no, you know, similar premises, but I think you, your joke was coming from the perspective of a despicable character. I think it’s fine to jack off your friend in the woods regardless. And have a cover for it. Yeah. And with that, not only does Jordan win the round, he wins the entire game. What, how did that really me, aw! What’d he get? And, um, I’m supposed to thank you all for today, but it’s really hard based on all the jokes. What does the sash say? Just despicable. Enough. Enough. Aw, thank you. So instead of thanking you, I’ll say….. You for being here and thanks for everyone for tuning in. And if you want more of these despicable people, please head over to Mythical Society. To check out today’s good Mythical weekend more and we’ll see you next weekend. We’re sorry. You know what time it is? Oh yeah. Two ladies. There’s two ladies out there. Get VOD access to watch the full recording of Survive The Mythical Kitchen, on Demand starting Friday, April 4th at 12:00 PM Eastern. Available now at mythicalkitchenlive.com.