I’m Jacksepticeye, and this is my last meal. Every person has exactly two things in common. We all gotta eat and we’re all gonna die. Today’s guest is a YouTuber who has amassed more than 17 billion views and 31 million followers. He’s also a philanthropist, a coffee entrepreneur and star of the Blockbuster Hit film free guy. Give a warm. Top of the morning to ya laddies. Oh my God. Sean McLaughlin, AKA Jack Septic guy. Wow. Thank you so much for, I didn’t know you were gonna do all that. Do you like that or does that kind of, uh, make you nervous? You feel like the bar has been raised? Is that I called you a blockbuster superstar. Uh, well, it’s false, so you can just say anything. I believe it. Yeah. I wanna bring you back to the first time that you and I actually met. We didn’t have a lot of contact. – We met? – It was seven years ago. I know. You said, nice to meet you. I tried to say good to see you early on were you, were you as buff as you are now back then? Not even a little bit. I was a little boy. You didn’t, you didn’t strike a silhouette yet, but it was on GMM and I did cook food for you, but it was mostly raw pig intestines that had been dyed purple in shoved inside of a fake po colum costume. You are the reason. You are the reason I have nightmares. Come here. Oh God. That’s good stuff. Oh, that’s good. Oh, it smells gross. I just have such a strong gag reflex that I was like. I can’t even like entertain anyone. I’m just drinking this thing and it’s terrible. But yeah, that tastes an awful, thank you. You’re welcome. Well, this is kind of my apology tour in a sense. It’s like, let me feed you all of your favorite foods for your last meal. Yeah. But you also said, I, you’re gonna kill me after this. Uh, have you thought about your last meal before? I have. And it was actually kind of, well, there’s a difference between like, is it my last meal? Am I going out being like, I want to order the most expensive stuff, or is it like my favorite meal? Or is it the nostalgic meal? I just want like really crappy food. Uh, how often do you think about death in general? Uh, probably too much. I think. I think it, I think being an Irish person, it’s built into you. I remember being a kid and like driving somewhere with my mom, and then 6:00 PM would hit and you’d hear like the, the church bells on the radio, and she’d be like, sh, the obituaries are on. And she’d turn it up. Especially like small town Ireland, you’re obsessed with death to be like, who died? Who do I not know is dead? And then it’s something to talk about with somebody else. I was just surrounded by it my whole life. And I remember when my grandmother died, we like had the coffin in her house and in her room, and we spent all night with her. And like I, I, I think Irish people just have a very strong connection with like, people who are dead and like that sort of like old school mentality. But, and then this year I think I finally understand what a midlife crisis is. I’m 35 and I’m like, oh God, forties around the corner. Have I done everything I wanna do? Oh God, there’s so many things I wanna do, but my brain doesn’t work and I can’t do it, and I’m like freaking out and just facing my own mortality more than I ever have. You ready to get to eating? Yeah, let’s do it. Jack, for your first course of your final meal, we have classic cheeseburger, fries, a little bit of chipotle mayo, and some shredded lettuce on there. Yeah, your classic fast food, french fry, double fried a little bit. A batter on there just to keep it crispy. Then we have the Coke Zero, maybe the greatest soda ever known on the face of this earth. I feel like it. We have the very special Irish chef’s ketchup import. I’m so excited. I, I swear to God I haven’t seen this since I was a child. I’ll do that thing on Ratatouille where I like tasted and I’m like, oh my God, I’m a child again. I just start crying in front of you. And then of course we have. The Irish stew filled plenty of lamb, a little bit of Guinness, just to give you some of that dark funkiness potatoes, and then all of your aromatics in there. Oh my God, this smells so good. It is one of those meals that’s like, you smell it and you’re like, I’m, I’m home. I don’t know if I’ve ever had Irish stew before. Oh, you’re about to be a changed man. I, I’m so excited. I’m gonna start talking about the brogue after this. Oh, yeah. Oh, Jason, back in the hills. What was that? I’m back in rural Ireland. I grew up in a town of like 600 people and it was so small and everyone knew everyone. Yeah, which is a bad thing most of the time. And I went back after I did a tour and I went back and like checked out where I lived and my old house is like a veterinary office now. And to let me go into my old bedroom and it’s full of like animal cages. And then like the neighbors I grew up next to were still there. And I was like, oh man, I’m so sorry you, you never made it out the hood, you know? Well, do you think that making it out like always should be the goal, per se? ’cause as I’ve gotten older, lived in la, Southern California pretty much my whole life, yeah. I at least drive through smaller towns and. Living a simple life would be so incredible. But also I understand that everybody from that simple life looks at my life and goes, that would be incredible. Yeah. I just grew up in a town where you see people like not have much ambition. Mm. They drank a lot. It was the only thing to do. Yeah. They like go like two towns over and that’s the furthest they’ve ever been from home. Like Sam Gaji. I’m pretty sure hobbits are based on Irish people. I think they probably are though, right? Yeah. Something like that. A lot of things that look like this, this just looks like set deck from Lord of the Race. Yeah. I love when Sam pulled up this cheeseburger and said, Frodo, this shit slaps this. He does make stew in it and he talks about potatoes. So I’m, I’m really excited to get into this ketchup. What do you think makes Irish ketchup different than American ketchup? You think I know? I dunno. Okay. Here I had it when I was like 12 and younger. Yeah. There, there are about 150 ingredients on this than there is in the typical American ketchup label. Oh yeah. That, that’s it won’t kill you as quickly. Yeah. I always say that whenever I come to America, I’m like, I’m gonna gain like five kilos while I’m here. To be fair. You do food different, but it’s pretty damn good. I’m curious to see if it triggers any of those Ratatouille moments. Oh my God, I hate my parents. I wanna go outside. Oh my God. Final Fantasy nine is the best game ever made. That is good. It is good. I think it, come on. Come on, chef. It lacks, it does lack some of the spice of American ketchup because a lot of the spice, a lot of the ingredients, there’s a deceptive amount of spice and ketchup. Okay. Um, you dig, dig into the burger? Hell yeah. Oh boy. Oh baby. No. Are there any irises that I can say like you bite into food. It’s great. There’s bite. Jesus. My Jesus. Oh, last, oh sins. Butter service. That’s a good part. Oh, holy Mary, mother of God. I will eat a burger every single day of the week forever until I’m dead from burgers. I hope you get to do that in your midlife crisis. Speaking of your midlife crisis, you seem like somebody. Who has really thought deeply about his place in the world, and I know you’ve read a lot of stoicism and Buddhism. Do you have any quotes that you can kind of easily access, here we go, that make you feel better about your place in the world? Or give you clarity? I used to say PMA on my channel for a while, and positive mental attitude. ’cause I was going through a really hard time. Mm-hmm. And I was like, I needed some sort of mantra to kinda pull me out of it. Yeah, yeah. But then it’s like people start using it and it’s like. It just became like, be happy at any cost. And I’m like, well, that’s not the case. I, I had a hard time like dealing with myself and where I am and like I was very angry as a young man and like didn’t know what I wanted to do and like trying to pull other people down to my level ’cause I can’t rise up to theirs kind of energy. Sure. Everyone’s on the own path. No one’s right. Anything I say is. Concrete. It’s not proof that I know something better than anyone else. Other people have stuff to teach you all the time, even if they’re like not great people. You can learn something. You can like reflect yourself off of them. Who’s the worst person you’ve learned something great from? It sounds like you had somebody in mind. I do, but I’m not allowed to say it on camera. I don’t know. I just, it’s that thing of like, no matter who you are, no matter what position you get into, I don’t know anything. Yeah. Like who am I? Sure. And I, I am surrounded by people who talk about legacy all the time and what they’re gonna like leave behind. I’m like, who cares? Yeah. You’re dead if you want someone to talk about you after you’re dead. Like it’s kind of egotistical and narcissistic. I think. So, I think it might also be the only thing every anyone’s thought about. It’s the only thing you possibly have, otherwise you end up just sort of a nihilist. Speaking of which though, there is a quote from Nietzsche. I wouldn’t consider myself a nihilist that I go back to all the time, which is asking questions, searching for answers. Still, I release myself from this burden. Have you heard that before? Never So eloquently. Oh wait, shoot. No, that’s not Nietzche. That’s from Raise to The Grounds Debut EP from a song, your Freedom My Burden, Sean. Oh wait, say it again. Hold on. I wrote it down. Lemme make sure I’m getting this because that did not click at, and the thing is, I wrote a lot of the lyrics for that song, asking questions, searching for answers. Still, I find a way to refuse this burden. Oh my God, it’s from the song, your Freedom, my Burden in Raise to the Ground Debut, ep, can We Your Freedom, my Burden. Incredible. That is the most 14-year-old metal song that’s ever, ever existed. It really is. Did you, did you write those lyrics? I wrote some of them. There was like four of us in that band and we were sitting. In like my cabin that I lived in, in the middle of the woods and we were like practicing and we were, we had four songs written and then it was like, we need lyrics for this. And I was like sitting up in the loft and I was just kinda like musing. I thought I was changing the world with those lyrics. I think you were, man, you changed my world, man. You had a lot of talent. Thank you. Do you think there’s something that draws neurodivergent people to metal music unique? Because I’m a doctor or a statistician, but I’ve seen a lot of trends and a lot of overlap. You just wanna find your tribe, your clan of people. Mm-hmm. You wanna find people who are like you. And it’s always like the people who don’t want to, you don’t wanna do like a nine to five job. It’s the same with YouTube. It’s like we all kinda like, yeah, find each other. We’re all like a little neurodivergent. Um, and I think it’s that thing. It’s like, I don’t wanna do like the stuff everybody else is doing. Like, I like heavy metal music and not that I like, I was like, it makes me different. But it was just like something about the people who made that music. Felt like they related to me a bit more. Yeah. They felt like they didn’t conform to stuff. Yeah. Yeah. I was just so like mad at the world. You know, your freedom, my burden. I’m 18 and I’ve suffered the hardest harshest reality anyone’s ever suffered more than anyone in the entire world. I think. I know that’s every 18-year-old. Like for me it was all about the feeling. It was all about the dopamine rush of just hearing those like super heavy chords. How much do you think you staying on YouTube is just connected to feeling that type of dopamine rush. Because I’ve never felt any stronger a hundred percent than just seeing the numbers go up on a YouTube video. Yeah. And I can’t figure out why it’s so unique. It’s so dangerous too. It is. Like you get, like even now, I’ve been doing it for 13 years at the end of this year, and it’s still like my mental health is still attached to those numbers. Video does bad. I do bad day’s, ruined weeks over, I’m going back to my burger. But real, every single person, no matter how many subscribers, no matter how much money. No matter how many millions of people say that I adore you. Everybody’s attachment is still to that singular number. Is there any hope to escape the matrix or is there any amount of therapy, any amount of Marcus Aurelius or stoicism that you can read that can de tether us from that? Or is it a matter of you just have to walk away at some point? I don’t think anything that’s happening to you externally is ever sustainable. Yeah. Like that happiness that’s coming from uploading YouTube videos and they all did. 700 million views. It’s still an external factor that’s making me happy that one day could change and then I’m upset by that. I think that’s why I’m so self introspective and like think about myself a lot and where I am and there’s also at the double-edged sword. ’cause I leave here today and be like, that was a terrible episode. Yeah. No one liked me. I didn’t crack any jokes and I forget all of it. And then I hate myself and then I’m lying in bed just. That’s me. That burger was good though. That’s legitimate me after every single episode. Yeah. And I, I literally have to rely on what other people tell me happened. No, you’re doing great. You’re doing great. I think we’re both doing great. You’re doing great. You’re doing, you’re jacked. You know you’re handsome, so are you. We both have tattoos. Do we have tattoos? Everyone’s talking about it and we’re all both so happy. Should we make out, are we about to jack for course number two of your final meal on earth? We have the lasagna Irish pub style with the french fries and the peas. Then we have the potato waffle. With the fish fingers. Now we couldn’t get bird’s eye fish fingers. We tried. And then of course we have the old fashioned made with dingle Irish whiskey. This is, um, this is their wyn single mal. He said it right. I was gonna task you to say it to see if, if you would actually say it right brother. Googled 20 minutes beforehand because I knew damn well knowing enough Irish, you do not pronounce 80% of those letters. Y’all mind if I sniff? Please sniff you. We can get you a, a shot straight if you want something. Yeah. Oh, please. Yeah. Can we get two glasses? Dude mess me up. Sky glazer. We’re gonna have such a good time. Thank you so much. Anise. Can I get a a decanter and a straw and a Bible and a priest? Do you just wanna smoke this through a bong? Are you a whiskey guy? I am a whiskey guy. Yeah. I feel like Irish whiskey is the one that I haven’t explored that much. Oh, it’s gonna be Petey. It’s actually really incredible. You get that smokiness. Yeah. But very distinct from like an Isla Scotch Top note. Top note, all 9,000 Taste Bud. And then in the old fashioned, what if I, that’s just a classic drink. What a time to be alive. I feel like we’re, we’re at the pub. Do you have a favorite pub memory? Growing up we had a pub called Leonard’s in the town that I grew up in. And my dad was a big fan of Man United growing up. Mm-hmm. So we would go there like Sundays and watch stuff. And I remember they won like. The treble, I think maybe like 1999, someone can fact check me in the comments, but they won that and then my parents were in the pub watching it and they were like. It is gotta be an all-nighter guys, come on up. I’m like nine years old and it’s like getting my sister to bring me to the pub to like celebrate. ’cause my parents didn’t wanna come home. They’re having too much of a good time. If that’s not Ireland, I don’t know what is. I was gonna ask if a lot of the Irish stereotypes are true because this. Is the now third and fourth preparation of potato that we’ve had in the first two courses. What can I say? You know, after the famine, they tried to get rid of us. Hey, but we back the, the troubles didn’t last forever, brother. No, I like lasagna and chips because there’s a kinda like a petrol station called Spar. They have a tree logo. Oh. And this was like the thing, I would go get like some mornings on the weekend. I remember going and I, they had lasagna and I was like, I used to make lasagna as a kid for my family. Yeah. And it was like the first meal I learned to cook was lasagna. I don’t think it was nearly as good as this. Dishes laughs. Tell me about the fish fingers. Do you eat ’em with ketchup? Yes. Exclusively. Exclusively with ketchup. I’m weird about seafood. It’s one of those things where it’s like I should have been diagnosed a lot earlier. Sure. Because like textures and flavors and smells and everything are so strong with me. This was like, like cod is so easy to eat. Cod and salmon, I think. But it’s always something. Being from an island, I really wanted to like fish. Yeah. So this is like my, this is my pipeline in. I still don’t really like fish. I get in my head about it and I smell it, and I’m like, it’s gonna taste bad, even though it doesn’t, you’re almost like anticipating your own discomfort despite the fact that it’s not actually there. Yeah. Welcome to my brain, bro. Hey, I, I get that, man. So you guys would just say fish sticks, right? Mm-hmm. They’re a lot closer to fingers too. They’re so good. Gordon’s, I think it was his name brand. Gordon’s Ramsey Birdseye. No. Although I, I’m sure he does have fish sticks in the grocery store. I think Gordon needs to like chill the out, you know, just once in your life, just chill out. I don’t know, man. I went to, I know where this hostility for Gordon Ramsey is coming. It’s the whiskey, it’s kicking in. I went to Gordon Ramsey’s restaurant that was based off of the 1890 cooking of Chef Augusta Scalier. And it was, you see what I mean? Was fantastic, man. Chill. I don’t think it needs to chill though. I think it’s the opposite. Go farther. You’re a chef. I’m a man eating waffles. Thinking about my dad, I’ve never heard someone say chef. More like a slur. Um, tell me about your dad. What made his fish fingers so much better than your friend’s mom who sucked at cooking fish fingers? They were not the best. So my dad, I. I had like a granddad dad growing up. Mm-hmm. So when I was like a kid coming home from school, my dad was already retired in his sixties, pushing 70. He was like the homemaker of the house. Yeah. So I would come home from school at three o’clock every day and he would have like fish fingers and waffles. It was so easy to cook. You put them under the grill, you’re done. So I, this was like my meal. 90% of the time when you’re a kid, you don’t understand that. You don’t understand how much your parents actually like do stuff for you. And my mom was like always gone and she was working a lot and. I don’t really like see eye to eye with her, but my dad was always like, like, I want to, but you’re so old. Like, I have no, there’s no connective tissue between us. Yeah. So it was like food was always a thing. And then when he got older, I would like cook food for them and I would cook lasagna. So it’s perfect that these came out at the same time. This is a, a double whammy. It’s not until like your dad passes, which you said your dad had passed as well. Mm-hmm. I’m sorry to hear that. But my dad passed like three years ago. I wasn’t really that close to him. We were kind of like expecting it for a while and I didn’t think it would affect me that much. And I got the call and as soon as I heard it, I like bawled my eyes out and it was like a surprise to me and I was thinking about it a lot and that’s why I started thinking about death more. And I was like, I don’t know who this man is. I dunno who he was. I don’t know his, his dreams, his ambitions. Was he happy that he even want a family? Was he happy with the kids he had? I think now I’m like, okay, I need to like figure myself out. And I think that’s kind of like the driving force to kind like. Like go for it. And I have like a tattoo for him as well, which is a light bulb, which he worked in a electrical company like it was called ESB, which is like the electrical supply board in Ireland. And I was like, it’s just nice to kinda like honor him if I didn’t know him. He was a, he was a really good man. I think he just, he had a lot of the same stuff I did. Probably like he had OCD, he had like undiagnosed autism, A DHD, and he struggled quite a lot with it. He’s even like further back generation that really didn’t know, understand mental health. Uh, working at the power company, he was working on those like, you know, the big like cooling towers. Yeah. He was working on one of those and he saw a man fall off it and die. That’s one of those things that’s like, it just happens. He moves on. I’m like, you really should have wrestled with that. Like that’s really not a normal thing for a person to go through. If you could have asked your dad. Were you happy? Did you live a full fulfilled life? What do you think he would’ve said to you? I think he would’ve said yes. ’cause he’s a very good man. I think he really liked working for his family. Yeah, he liked the distraction. He was a very like busy man around the house. He fixed things. He was, yeah, he always just had like farmer dad strength. He just like being busy. And I think it’s, now that I’m older, I’m understanding myself. I’m like, I’m surprised you weren’t worse as a person, dude. Yeah. And the amount of effort that it frankly probably took for him to not. Be worse. Yeah. In sense. And I think we can almost colloquially that to be love. Right? The fact that, it’s funny when you said you didn’t like realize the effort that it took to prepare that, but then now that you’re an adult and you’re like, I need to feed myself, and you’re like, yeah, shit, I gotta do this stuff. It’s one of those things, like, my parents never told me they love me out loud. Ever. Yeah. Yeah. Um, even to this day. But it’s like, this is that, that’s his interpretation of it. That’s his way of doing it. Him working for our family and providing and making sure we had a roof overheads. That’s his way of showing it. If he couldn’t say it. And he gave you that platform. Yeah. That springboard in the best way that he knew how. Yeah, and I started my career in this a little bit before he died. It was one of those things, like it’s in the documentary I did about like the tour and going back home and everything, and he wasn’t on camera, but he’s a joke in the thing saying like, how are you doing? He says, above the ground. And it’s like, you could complain but you’re just not going to. Yep. But in the latter years, he was very impressed with like the stuff I was doing. So it’s like, I’m glad we got something. And the last time I was back in Ireland was like 2018 when I saw him and I was like, we all need to get together for like the last time kind of thing. Mm-hmm. It’s that thing, like I kind of, I couldn’t even go to the funeral ’cause it was in COVID, so I had to like watch a live stream of it as it happened. And there was like 12 people max allowed into the room and I was like, my dad was so beloved in the town he grew up in. He didn’t die in that town. He wasn’t buried in that town. I’m like, if he went, if he died there. People in that town would’ve come out to like see him and it would’ve been like a packed church kind of thing. Yeah. cause he was just a really decent guy and a lot of people had stories about him. So it’s kind of, it’s one of those things where it’s like, it’s such a unique experience. I don’t know, there’s very few people in the world who have that thing happen to them, but we’re all part of the same club. Yeah. I guess. And I think we all kind of honor it in a certain way. Like this was to. Honor my dad. He was a leek farmer. No, he wasn’t. Uh, but this was like, he was always the one, he was always the one who encouraged me to follow my dreams. Yeah. Because as he kind of told me like, you can take risks and fail. You can also play it safe and fail. Look at me. Yeah. And that it was always like really heartbreaking for me talking about a life fulfilled. And so I kind of decided that like, I’m going to do whatever I can to follow my biggest passion in the world, which is cooking and leeks. People have heard the story. They’re the hardest vegetable to clean and prep because there’s dirt in between a thousand tiny little layers. Yeah. You have to like peel every single one of them. Exactly. And so for me, this is all as a reminder of like do the hard things because they’re worth it. I love that. We’re just out here, owner and dead dads. Hey, cheers to anybody else out there. Truly. you still have the lamp that his company gave you when he retired? Oh my God. You are going like full Nardwuar on me. I asked you du just call me Tyler, the creator. You know what’s funny? That’s the first time I ever took a photograph was that lamp. It wasn’t even digital cameras, it was disposables. Mm-hmm. So at his retirement party when he was 65, they gave him that lamp, which crap gift. I remember taking a picture of that lamp, like that’s one of the earliest memories I have. We gotta go find that lamp, you know, gotta go recover. I don’t know man. This is weird, Jack. For course number three, we have a filet mignon cooked medium with a peppercorn sauce, some garlic mash, and then a lovely Cabernet. Sauvignon are, are you a wine guy? I am not a wine guy. I’m much more of a hard liquor and cocktail guy. Okay. Than a wine guy. As you can see, by me doing the beer high pour on, tell me you have trauma without telling you. You know, I got into wine. When I was like 28, I hated it when I was growing up. I tasted wine probably when I was like eight, but I remember red wine, white wine is so easy to drink. It’s like juice. Mm-hmm. But red wine, I was like, so gross. And then I was 28 and I was like, I’m different now. Can’t three things anymore. I, I need a new thing to hyper obsess over wine is a great thing to do that way. Yeah. It can be really pretentious if you want it to be. Yeah. But there is something about like taking your time with it. Oh, you did the inhale and everything. I’m not a wine drinker, you know. It is my, he says, is he full? Bong rips the wine. I’m with a steak. Dig in man. It doesn’t get more pretentious than this. This also feels like a nice, good pub meal. What’s the most common food? Because people come up with, uh, generally like steak, like some sort of prestige cut, like a mignon. I think burgers probably. Up there, something like fried and handheld from their childhood fries. Sorry, stop listening. Oh my God. I’m somewhere else. I had steak growing up, but it’s like your parents cook it. They’d have no idea what they’re doing. I had a proper steak when I came to a convention PAX East in Boston in 2015, and everyone was ordering steak at this restaurant and I was like, oh. And they were like, I always remember the scene from the Matrix when he eats the steak. And I was like, food has never looked so good. And I was like, that makes steak look incredible. It’s such a, such a wet, meaty steak. But it’s like, I want to like it, you know? Yeah. And then I, I remember my first steak and everyone was getting like medium rare and I was like, I don’t know guys. I might gag when I tasted and I tasted and I was like, oh my God. Yeah. This is, you know, dude, you got some like, talent here. I agree entirely. Don’t raise their self-esteem or they’re gonna wanna leave me though. Do you ever feel like that people are gonna leave you? Always. I have a problem with it. I have a fear of abandonment and I worry that I self-sabotage every relationship I’m in. Yeah. Just like me, including friends. Anyway, down the head, everybody. I’m eating my feelings and they taste bitter. No, this tastes incredible. We can, we don’t have to talk about your abandonment issues. Do can we just like chill? We can just chill. Can we talk about stocks and Wolf of Wall Street dude? Do you have a favorite cut of steak? It’s actually filet, which is not cool to see anymore, but it’ll be cool again in about six years. Oh, whatever. I know. I’m gonna say that. Get off your Wagyu and your rib eye. No one cares. No one watches your tiktoks anyway. No one cares. Don’t say that. Settle down. They watch your tiktoks. Don’t worry. No, I know, but that’s an existential thing. And you should subscribe, like, comment, you know, engagement, farming. Do you even watch YouTube anymore? I don’t watch YouTube. Well, actually that’s not true. I watch like some people what is like miniature painting. Yeah, it’s exclusive. Was it war Hammer stuff? Yeah. Thumbs up. Don’t try and flip the question on me. Answer. God forbid I ask a question. Am I like, I turned into a mean drunk? Um, I watch bodybuilding fitness content. Yeah. You would. I watch. I do. But no, it’s the thing that I need to do. I can’t watch cooking content because that’s every single day at my job, which is my greatest passion in life and my biggest stressor in the entire world. Mm-hmm. And I’m tortured mentally every single day because of it. ’cause I know when you started YouTube. It sounds like you were at a really lonely point in your life, living in a log cabin, quite isolated. Yeah. I mean, I’m pretty open about it, that I was like, I was just severely depressed. I wanted friends. I, I was always like around people that their main thing was like, we go to college and then we drink, and that’s like our life and we don’t know what else to do. And I was like, because all the men in my family are alcoholics and like reformed alcoholics, and I was always kinda like scared of it. Thankfully, I, I, my addiction manifested itself elsewhere. And I have quite a healthy relationship with alcohol, but it was one of those things that like I could just see a lot of my family in friends and like that small town mentality. So I was like, I gotta do something else. I would play like metal gear solid and stuff as a kid and being like, oh, Japan exists. That’s cool. And like start. I remember doing YouTube and I was big into Battlefield, which shout Battlefield six coming out. We might be back. I was watching a guy called Level Cap Gaming who did that as his job and I just couldn’t believe that like. I tried to, like, I was researching like how to be a play tester for games, like play games as a job, and it was never my intent to do that, but I was like, the editing of it and the curation of it was really cool and it gave me something to do and a, a hobby to figure out and a task to do. I remember just falling in love with it and then I remember his community meant a lot to me and did a lot for me in those moments where you’re like, I can watch a TV show, but no one’s there. Yeah. And then I would watch that stuff and I was like, this is my people. Like they get the game on the same level I do, and they’re watching YouTube and I felt kinda like nerdy and weird, an outsider. And then when I started doing it, I was like, I wanna find my people and do that for them and help them out and, and it was just a good excuse to kinda like, have friends and do something and waste my day away and actually feel productive and not worry about my future so much. Yeah. Luckily it panned out and I. Like you work hard at it, but it’s, there’s a lot of luck. Like you can work your ass off all day, every day, but unless that like switch kinda like flicks for you or like the people start getting onto you a little bit or you know, people or like something has to happen to like make that hard work. Make sense? It does. And proliferate. It does, but also I think it’s too easy to chalk certain things up to luck. Sure. Right. If, uh, luck is, say a one in 100 shot, you were uploading two videos a day for five years. Yeah. So if there’s a 1% shot, good news, you have 1500 shots. – Going out – Fair. And so at that point it’s literally not. Yeah. Like of course, you know, and I understand from your perspective whether it is to try and demure on your own accomplishments by saying, I’m not worthy, because that verifies a narrative that you may have about yourself. Oh, I’ll never celebrate myself ever. It’s not in me to do that. Yeah. Do you think you should though? Do you think it’s healthier to do that? I have really good people who have like, tried to tell me to like, celebrate what I do. Are you laughing? It’s hilarious just to say like, I have great people around me. They’ve tried to tell me these things. Yep. Fair. The work of the, the, the verb try was very, very heavy on that. That’s, and I didn’t even clock it. Yeah. And I’m like, what was weird about what I said? Yeah. I’ve, I’ve tried to be like, we’ve done a lot of charity stuff and I’m very proud of it. I’ve done a lot of stuff on YouTube, but you know what? It’s like you’re only as good as like the last video you put up kind of mentality. And a lot of us are kinda like in that head space where it’s like, yeah, I just have a very like, don’t get too big for your boots kind of thing. And maybe that’s the Irish in me. I don’t know. If you didn’t go into YouTube, do you think you would still have these kind of existential crises? Of like, oh God, my self-esteem is tied to this number. And I honestly think I would be more unhealthy mentally if I didn’t, because I think going into YouTube let me meet so much of a diverse amount of people. Again, growing up in small town Ireland, I had never like seen people of color growing up. Like I didn’t know anybody. Not one. It’s no, and it’s like. It is not like I hated those people. It’s like I just never met any of them. Of course. And then you grow up and I like, I go to a convention and I meet like people of all colors and religions and ethnicities and all people who are like, I’m trans and I’m gay, and I like all these different things. And I’m like, well, it’s kind of hard to be narrow-minded when I’ve met all of these people and I’ve seen their faces and I’ve heard their stories and I’ve listened to them talk to me about how much like YouTube channels mean to them. And I was like, I was there. Like you were the people I was looking for when I was like. Like 20 and I was like trying to find my people. So it’s kinda like, I think it broadened my mind quite a bit. I don’t need to tell you how hard YouTube could be at times, but I, maybe I have too much empathy for people sometimes for kinda like borders on like. It hurts me in a way. Yeah. Try to, oh God, are you guys clipping this? And it’s, it’s gonna come back in two years where people like, he said this, what he did do, but you’re, you’re living in that double track in your head right now where you’re currently like engaged in reality, but also thinking about the edit in the video. Yeah. Which is a strange place to be. And I tried explaining that to my therapist and how, hey, I think because of my job, I’m going insane. Right? It’s strange to have millions of people currently right now, significantly more for you. Thinking about you, talking about you talking shit about you, complimenting you with compliments that Persian kings in the ancient world never could have gotten from people. Yeah. You are treated better than almost every single person in human history. You’re also treated worse than almost, and I have such an amazing job and it’s like one of the easiest things in the world to do some days. But I tried making it about my job to my therapist, and she goes, didn’t you tell me that you’ve woken up with an intense sense of dread every single day of your life since you were eight years old? Yeah. I go, yeah. She goes, you didn’t have this job back then, did you? I go, no. And she goes, do you think the problem could just be no. Could just be you. And I went, should you feel a little better, bud? Yeah. You want a lollipop? I guess to your point, it’s like, I like to live in a healthy middle, you know? It’s like you’re all saying bad things about me. Sure, I’ll believe some of them, but at the same time I can rationalize it. Mm. You say really good things about me. I also know those aren’t really true. ’cause I’m not infallible. I make mistakes and I know more about me than anybody else does. I think you might know less about yourself than anybody else does, and I think you probably have this internal monologue of like, well, I’m a bad person. I could have done so much better in this and this and this, and other people are better in this and this and this. But I think the outside view of you is more accurate. That you’re somebody who’s raised $30 million for charity. Let me compliment you without you signing. Okay. Fair. You’re at my dinner table. This is rude. Fair. Thank you for, uh, thank you Mrs. Josh for preparing this meal for us. Can I come over next week for pizza rolls and PlayStation? Yeah. Yeah. We just got the new Dave, me BMX. It should be exciting. Came That came slap so much better than Matt Hoffman. BMX. Yeah. What was your first like video game memory? Oh, um, yeah. Uh, this is my show now. What do you think about video games? Um, oh dude. Holy shit. No. My dad had an original Atari pong and it was just the most fun I’ve ever had in my entire life. That’s pretty, how old are you? 33. What’d you have to think about that? How often? I, I don’t know. How often do you think about how old are you? 35. Yeah. He nailed, he nailed that real quick. He nailed that real quick. I know who I am, Josh, and I don’t like it. How much do you weigh? I think I’m rocking like a 72 kilo, I dunno what that is in pounds. I think you’re talking about this as if you’re like getting ready for a fight. Who are we gonna fight, Mr. Beast? Because he ruined YouTube. Yeah. Let’s get to, I guess, get into that. I feel so passionately about this stuff because it means so much to me as a person, and my mental health is so attached to it, and not for like the number bad. I’m bad. Yeah. But like I care so much about like the people who watch and the things that are happening. So when, and it, it gets boiled down to like, well, you fell off and it’s just not working for you right now, so you hate it. Which I mean, fair enough. From an outside perspective, that’s. Totally valid, but I just care so much about like the non-corporate side of it. I just think about that guy who watched Battlefield in his bedroom. And we’re so like this is the coolest thing ever. I’ve never had to think about my content more than I ever have in the last two years. Like the titles and the thumbnails and how long it is and the retention and all this stuff. And I’m like, more tools for creators are always great if that’s what you’re into. But I was horrible at it. I was never good at it. I was like, I’m just doing it ’cause it’s fun and people are watching and that’s really cool. And I think I just kinda like romanticize that and I think that that’s what kinda like saddens me. I remember when it was just like really fun and people just had a good time and what you’re uploading didn’t matter. We were just there to have a good time, Jack, for the final course of your final meal. So excited on Earth. So am I, man, because reading banoffee pie, there’s a Port Monto of banana and toffee. That’s right. Banoffee. Something very foreign to my American palate. You’ve never had banoffee? I’ve had it before. Only at like British themed restaurants. Here we go. And then also New York cheesecake right here. This is homemade, some fresh cream cheese mixed with egg, little bit of flour whipped cream on top, and then the top of the morning coffee and the french press. Do you mind if I do that? Look at that talent skill. He remembered, but now this is your brand of coffee, am I correct? Sure is top of the morning coffee. Okay. Yours today? Beer’s great with whiskey. Are you a coffee guy? Huge coffee guy. But more, I mean as an A DHD haver, I assume you’re like violently addicted to caffeine, right? Can’t get enough. Same. But then that also gives you a tremendous amount of anxiety. So you’re trying to like find that weird little line before, Hey, if God can’t fix me, no one can. Caffeine is my guy. Someone get him a drum kit and a writing pad. Right now he’s writing new music folks. Dude, we’re spitting. I’m, I’m one of those guys who’s like, I don’t really like chocolate ice cream. I like chocolate, but I don’t like chocolate ice cream. I don’t like chocolate sauce. I don’t like mousse It’s, it’s really heavy and it kinda like overpowers the meal. There’s no like, no, I agree with that. Yeah. Vanilla and stuff, it’s just, it’s good. I agree. And I think there’s as much nuance into vanilla if you really get into the nitty gritty as a chop it. I once had a, um, single origin vanilla ice cream brand that. I actually categorize them from Madagascar, vanilla to Tahitian, vanilla to Mexican vanilla to G Romanian vanilla. You could really taste all the different kinds of vanilla. So was there a moment when you realized you were autistic, like a single moment… Stand out. I’m beginning to doubt it. Listening to you talk. I’m wondering if maybe I don’t. This is really good. Yo, this is excellent. Cheesecake. Who cooked this cheesecake? Show me yourself. How’s the bit off? You consistent? I’m gonna have sex with it. Yeah. Hey, you can do that, man. What’s the difference between having sex and making love? Intent, intent and emotional maturity. Just boys have sex, men make love, and some would say that you have to kill the boy to become the man. You don’t. You don’t. I said that to a therapist in Beverly Hills one time. And she was like, that’s a very all or nothing mentality that she was like, you can be the man when you need to be and be business, but you can let the boy out to play whenever you need to and it’s healthy to have an inner child. And I was like, you’re so right. This is why you’re $220 an hour. The good thing you latch onto those buzzword quotes, and I think that’s a problem right now is that agreed, there’s a buzzword quote for everything and it sounds great, and people who are less emotionally mature will fall for that stuff. That’s why I hate like self-help books. Mm-hmm. I don’t like them ’cause I feel like it’s like preying on insecurities of people who want answers. That’s why I hate YouTubers. Don’t give me a quote, gimme a quote. Be your most profound. You can be right now. Be the most profound I can be. I don’t know if that’s something I can do on demand or off demand and there it is. Maybe you, Jesus Christ. Maybe you just did it and maybe I just did it. I’m in your head, bro. I’m in the walls. I live here now. This is my house. And it’s a funny, go ahead. Yeah, I What was your childhood like? Terrible. Do you hear anything said? Tell me about the, tell me about the movie you’re in coming up. How did you prepare for the role? Chicken and Broccoli? Yeah. Chicken Broccoli and Ana bar there. I do wanna talk about the trendy thing is possible, bro. Truly, the paradox between the de-stigmatization of mental health and just skyrocketing depression rates, we’ve de-stigmatized. A lot of it, but like how do you square the fact that more people are more open about their mental health than ever? More people talk about, there’s more resources than ever, and we’re still just seeing skyrocketing rates. Yeah. The problem is that your mental health becomes money. I am always shocked every time I come to America, I turn on the TV at the hotel. It’s always South Park all day on Comedy Central. But the ads that play are ridiculous. It’s like ads talking about like bipolar medication and stuff. I’m like, you’re not allowed to do that. It’s like trying to convince everybody that there’s something wrong with them and they need to fix it. I think America’s one of two countries where we allow, uh, prescription drugs to advertise on tv. That’s absolutely wild to me. Yeah. Everyone wants to be heard. Everyone wants to have a voice. Everyone wants to feel like they’re not that guy in a cabin with no friends. They want to. Say something. Unfortunately, negativity is the path of least resistance into that. Yeah. If you don’t like something that’s a personality and now people like you for being hard to please, I think about this stuff a lot and I’m in my head a lot and sometimes it stops me from doing anything. Yeah. And then again, I’ll go home and I’ll be like, I talked about that too much, didn’t I, on the episode? And so many people in the comments will be like, that was amazing. I love talking about that. I like people who are so open about it. I’m always like battling that stuff in my brain. I’m like, I just wanna be fun and I want people to like me and I want to eat food. Do you think in the way that say a lot of your OG viewers might say, I missed the old JackSepticEye and I think you’ve taken the right response of No, you missed the old you. You missed the old way that you felt when you didn’t have enough pressure? I would take a caveat with that. Okay. ’cause I said that that’s kind of like the buzzwordy thing. Mm. And there’s truth in it. But it that absolves me of anything. Yeah. Yeah. It absolves me of any change, which is just completely impossible to do. The way that you think about YouTube is in, I miss when YouTube was fun. I miss when YouTube was simple. Is that you just missing your own life when you thought it was more fun and simple without the pressure? Partly, but I also miss pre COVID internet ’cause I think everyone has so much more aggression to every, there’s no mediocrity doesn’t exist anymore. You’re not allowed to be fine. Yeah. You either have to be absolutely incredible or something has to be dog shit. When you talk about something profound, you’re, you’re not allowed to be fine. Yeah, I think is maybe the most profound thing that I’ve ever heard. And for people with mental health issues and depression and anxiety and all that stuff, fine. Is incredible. Yeah. That’s a baseline you don’t think you can get to. And I think it’s the same with like movies and games. Like my job is not to play a game and love it. Yeah. My job is to play a game and feel it. And give my thoughts as I’m playing it. It’s the like, I’m taking the ball and I’m going home. It’s like you’re not allowed. Just leave and not like a thing. You have to like destroy everything on your way out and make it not fun for everybody else as you’re leaving. Yeah. Even when you’re talking about how YouTube used to be fun, you said the darkest time in your entire life was YouTube 2017. Yeah. Right. Spending Christmas alone grinding. It didn’t sound that fun at the time, so it’s interesting seeing this kind of slightly rose colored look back on it. I don’t, I don’t necessarily think that it was YouTube. I think I had just entered a change in my life. Yeah. I was in a bad relationship. I think that was probably like 75% of the reason. Yeah. It’s like I’m a person where my emotions take over everything. It’s like my whole day is ruined based on that and I can’t push through it anymore to get past that, nor should I, my, it’s my body telling me something that is happening and I feel like I need to listen to it and not push myself through it, which in the past I would have. Mm-hmm. And now I’m trying to like take lessons from younger me and not be my dad, which is the thing. There’s a quote, I can’t remember the guy’s name, but it was an Austrian poet, first name Rhiner. But it was to love somebody completely is so much the entire point of life that doing every single other thing is merely practiced for that. And that seems to be a thing that we talk about. Ancient wisdom looking back. Yeah. To truly love another person and be purely vulnerable with that other person. How do you, that’s about as good as, how do you keep that stuff on the dome? I think about it a lot when I get in a really dark place. Similarly, I, my mom committed suicide. For the first time, somewhat recently, I actually had those kind of thoughts where I think I got to that age and I was like, oh no, we all do turn into our parents in some regard. Yeah. No matter how much you try and pull away and say you’re different, but the thing that I keep coming back to is that to love another person, so completely and love another person more than yourself. Do you have that in your life right now? I think I have people in my life that I love quite heavily. And I’m not always the best at expressing it for if this episode isn’t obvious enough. But I think there’s an element of me that just loves people so much and wants to like see people do well and just figure themselves out. And maybe that’ll help me in some regard. But there are people in my life right now that I, I love so completely that I, I dunno, it, it’s one of those things, like, until you feel it, it’s like, it’s hard to describe. Sure. You’re a, you’re a kid and you’re like, I love this person. It’s like. Yeah. Yeah, it’s, it’s what you think love is in that moment. And right now I think I’m in that place where I’m emotionally mature enough to like identify what it is and be happy. So it’s always a struggle. You never figure it out. It’s the pursuit of happiness. It’s not the destination of happiness. No. That’s profound. No, it’s not. It’s bullshit. What do you think happens when you die? Um. I think nothing happens. And I think that that’s why right now matters the most because I grew up Catholic and everyone is waiting to die so they can be truly happy and they’re living a life they don’t want to. And I think after you die, nothing happens. Which is why right now is important to like maximize and. Try and find your happiness. Nothing happened before I was born. Nothing happens after I’m dead. And that’s fine. You ready to get in the lightning round? Yes. Who’s the one person dead or alive? You’d want to share your actual last meal with? My dad. Which song do you want played at your funeral? Bury the light from Devil May Cry. Five Rank these gray hair icons, George Clooney. Carl Marx Storm from X-Men Halle Berry version storm from X-Men number one. Um, Carl Marx couldn’t give two shits about, couldn’t tell you what he, Marxism. Yeah, he don’t even know what that is. Marxism is believing that workers should own the means of production on a natural. Oh, so he was chill? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was antifascist, I mean like depending on what you think. Okay. So yeah, whatever the rest of ’em, who cares? Bury them. Sorry George, you’re still alive. But he dyed his hair for a movie roll and I’m like, you shouldn’t have done that. Ocean’s Elevens really good. Who’s the dream? Who’s your dream eulogize at your funeral? Hit attack Miyazaki from, from software. Because that means I did something good enough with, uh, the souls games that he’s there. Oh shit. Do you still believe in Steve? No. What’s your biggest fear? Death. Who’s on your Mount? Rushmore of metal drummers. Uh, Jimmy, the Rev Sullivan from event Sevenfold. Travis Smith from Trivium. Danny Carey from Tool and, uh, Mario Deponte from Go Jira. And me just sticking my thumb up in the picture. This, what’s your greatest regret in life? Uh, not going for some things that I really wanted because of fear of confidence. Are you happy? Yes, but I have a lot of stuff to figure out and I could be happier. I’m not living my true self. I put it that way. If you had to put a date on when you think you will be living your true self, then we can go back to that date and see if it actually happens. Throw one out there, throw a dart 2030, cause I’ll be 40 and if I haven’t figured it out then god dammit. Midlife crisis continues baby. That’s been JackSepticEye Sean McLaughlin, if you wanna deliver your last words to that camera right there. Hey, love yourself. ’cause you have to stay in here all the time and no one else knows you better than you know yourself. I’m not locked in here with you. You’re locked in here with me is what I say to myself in the mirror every morning. Similar vibes. Okay. And then you go pump iron and eat so much food. Sean, I really appreciate this man. This is an incredible conversation. Thank you. I had a lot of fun. Thanks for having me on. You’re welcome back anytime to complete your midlife crisis. Talk about dead dad. So I’ll be back in 2030 to eat more food and. I have nothing figured out. Is your mom still alive? Yes. Come back when she dies. The mythical cookbook is finally here. Order your copy now at mythicalcookbook.com and make any kitchen a Mythical Kitchen.