We got three hours to make three dishes from our family holiday table before a food critic eats them and judges them. Is this a bad idea? Yes. Should we do it anyways? Yes. Let’s get cooking. All right, so here’s the thing. We all have holiday traditional dishes that we grew up with, right? Yep. Right. And it’s safe to say that all the people cooking ’em maybe weren’t the best cooks. I don’t, no. Don’t. Was great. I’m still talking about my mom. I’m gonna make I statements, maybe the dishes that I grew up eating weren’t cooked by the best cooks. Love you, Aunt Betty. But what I’m saying is, at some point we are going to be taking over those traditions and we’re awesome cooks. Yeah. But how do we actually know? Because we’re blinded by nostalgia. Yeah. Yes. So we need a professional to come in and give us the constructive criticism we need. Okay. To make sure that our family traditions are best represented in the future. Okay. So the food critic gets here in three hours. We gotta start cooking now. Oh yeah. And I’m excited to learn about your holiday family traditions because I think I got mine that, that you’re not gonna expect. I wanna learn more about Aunt Betty. She holds grudges. I’m excited to cook together. I’m excited. Me too. I’m excited to share our family traditions. This isn’t something we get to do very often. You’re my family. I’m your family. Yeah. I’m Aunt Betty. Guys are both my family. We’re all family in a certain, I don’t think the DNA results have come back, but we’ll see. Well, we got a heck of a lot of food in front of us. Man. Party. Lot to cook in three hours. Sure is. Vi what are you making? I’m making pozole and then I’m making some gorditas that are stuffed with beans and cheese and chili. And then my Tia, she makes salpicon, so I’m gonna remake that as well. Is salpicon like the vinegar beef salad? Yes. But does, she doesn’t make it with vinegar. She just makes it with mayo. Yeah. Now it’s the holidays. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Lily, what are you making? Um, so I’m gonna take you back. Christmas Eve, you have scallop chowder. Everyone has that. I of course, grew up on scallop chowder Christmas Eves. Yep. Christmas day, you got mashed turnips. Yep. Oh, got it. I love that. And then after Christmas, you have, uh, Kelly rolls with Kelly Jelly. Who’s Kelly? Kelly Rowland? It’s my Aunt Kelly. Okay. You sound like you’re from a fantasy world where the writer was kinda lazy. It was like, hey, it’s scallop chowder on Christ Hollows Eve. It’s true though. Maine is a fantasy world. I think it is like a New England thing. Mm-hmm. Maybe it is just a me, Lily, family thing, but if anyone knows. Comment in the comments. You’re using real Kelly and your Kelly Jelly. Uh, yeah. Just a little bit of Kelly. A dash of Kelly. Mm-hmm. Um, I, I grew up in a proud multi traditional divorced home, and so I’m making a very multi traditional divorced plate. I’m making a big old ham glazed with maraschino cherries, pineapple, and cola, and then. Oh. Hard right turn, we’re making latkes with applesauce and sour cream, and then chopped liver, my grandma’s chopped liver. That was like a big awakening in food for me, where I ate it when I was like seven years old for the first time, and it was like a whole world awakening for me. I feel like there was something, uh. Oh snap. Primal and ancestral that made me crave liver and I still crave to this day. So I’m really excited to make this. Yeah. This is gonna be chaotic, wanna get to it. Yes. Cooking, man. Let’s do it. We’re a holiday, Christmas cooked meal. Hanging out. We’re not, we’re not. We’re just calm. We’re so calm. Plenty of time. We have plenty of time. I every holiday, no matter if it was Christmas, Thanksgiving, whatever, I’m still in my home with my dad. It always ended up with like a fight with my brother and my dad and I can never remember about what, just something went horribly wrong. Is this on your dad’s side? This is my dad. Dad. I was gonna say this like dad. This is a classic, like the ultimate Boomer dad, uh, holiday tradition. Nice. So the key is here you put the pineapple rings on the ham that does nothing, but then you have pineapple rings on your ham. What you do is you skewer a maraschino cherry, and then you put that through the ring and then this holds the pineapple onto the ham. Who made the scallop chowder in your family? My grandmother did. So on Christmas Eve you had scallop chowder and it was just like scallops and evaporated milk and salt and butter. That’s pretty much all it was. Some onions, I think. And that’s, it sounds so good. It, that actually sounds really good. It’s just this like white soup. And, um, you either have a choice of that or pigs in a blanket, and then I’d eat it in the morning before we’d start cooking for Christmas, and sometimes I’d have it cold. I feel like we’re just boiling meat a lot of the time in my family, we grew. You get a lot of meat over there. Yeah, there’s a lot of meat. We grow up, they got people through thousands of years, boiled meat, you know what I mean? So I’m making soup ’cause I just, I love this soup, like it reminds me of home and me being in sweatpants and eating and cooking. Are there any like new traditions that you’ve adopted from your significant others? No, but the first time I met Julia’s mom, she was like struggling to make latkes. Sorry Susan. You were. Need a lot of water. It was literal. We’ve been dating for like a month and like my brother came over for like a nice little Hanukkah feast and I made a brisket, but she was struggling with the the latkes and I looked at her recipe and it’s like a laminated sheet that she’s probably had for like 40 years. Yeah. It’s a laminated sheet and all it says is like six potatoes grated. Yep. And the potatoes she has are like. Full pound potatoes. And so me and my brother literally went in and like saved the latkes by hand. It was a true Hanukkah day miracle. All right, we’re pouring full two liters of cola in the bottom of this hotel pan. We’re gonna roast this ham off for like an hour and a half. Ham’s already cooked, so we’re just trying to get some color on it, get some mired, and then I’m gonna strain all of this cola. I’m gonna add the pineapple juice and cherry juice to it too. We’re gonna make like a glaze. I might, I think there’s gonna be enough ham fat in there, to really like gimme some stuff, this is so done, dude. My name is Farley Elliott and I’m the Southern California Bureau Chief for SFGATE. I’ve written for a ton of food publications in Los Angeles. I was the senior editor at Eater in LA for about eight and a half years. I wrote the book Los Angeles Street Food, a History From Tamaleros to Taco Trucks, and I love food. My family holiday recipes are now all kind of pushed through the lens of my in-laws, and I gotta be honest with you. They’ve got some real nineties ideas about what makes good holiday food, and I’m happy to disagree at the table. I’m not just doing milk and, uh, scallops. I’m putting bacon in here. We have some just roughly chopped carrot and celery and onion. I gotta open up. Lots of butter. Lots of butter. Open up and buy. Mine’s a lot of garlic and onions. We’re gonna, yes, you can’t go wrong with garlic, garlic and onions, but this is my turnip. Do you like it. Guys, if anybody needs the oven, your SOL man. ’cause I got all just ham taken up the entire thing. What? Yo, I gotta roast some ovens in there. We need space. No way man. Fight me for my oven space. This is real holiday cooking. All my God. Taking your ham out. My all We can fight. We can go outside and shoot some hoops. Gotta peel the potatoes over a trash cans. This is the only way to do it. This is clam juice. The bacon has rendered a little bit. I’m just gonna deglaze with some clam juice. Yo. When you’re peeling veg over a trash can, how many times do you drop the veg in the trash can and then just rinse it off. Every single time. Every time, baby. I got yelled at in culinary school for that, so I stopped doing that. I went to culinary school. Oh, okay. I went to the culinary school of hard knocks, bro streets. Okay. My yeast is blooming in here for my Kelly rolls. I’m gonna add some butter. And then I’m just gonna slowly add in flour as well. Still boiling meat. Oh no. Oh no. Don’t look. I forgot to, I can cook. Okay. Where’s your culinary school now? My dad went to the hospital multiple times cooking on Christmas. What, from what? Burning things? Yeah. Well, one time what had happened was we, we ate off the paper plates my entire life, like we did not do, uh, any sort of like ceramic. ’cause that way you didn’t have to wash some dishes. I’m putting my chilies in your ham. Do it, man. You got it. And so when we cooked, we would use exclusively the like cheapest possible disposable aluminum containers. And so my dad put like a whole turkey in the disposable aluminum container and he tried to grab it and like take it out of the oven. And the container just collapsed. Oh. And like all the hot turkey grease on his forearms, I remember my dad just going, oh my God. Ah. And we’re like, drop the turkey. And he goes, no, no. So much pride. Drop the turkey. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he got third degree burns and he had to go to the hospital. And then the other time, uh, my dad dropped a knife in his foot, uh, cooking, uh, like straight up. Did it land like this dude, it landed straight into the bone. And I remember my brother having to take the knife out of my dad’s bone. And then it seemed fine. Nothing happened. We’re all like, that’s cool. And then we just see, and blood started just squirting out of it. And my dad had to drive himself to the hospital with his foot up on the dash. Oh my God. God, that sounds so crazy. Pound the days. Isn’t the shit ever house sold? Everything is normal and nothing’s traumatic. Here’s the thing about latkes. Used to think they was just hash browns. It shouldn’t be, in my opinion, super, super crispy like a McDonald’s hash brown. Okay? To me, a lot should have a little bit of wet to it. Like it should have crispiness on the outside and then as sumptuousness on the inside. Uhhuh. And that’s gonna come from the grated onion and the chicken fat. And then what condiment do you think you put on the latkes. Um, applesauce? Yeah. Why, unclear man. I think all they had in Lithuania was apples. Behind. Behind, behind. That’s not what we say at home kitchens. What do you say in your home kitchen? Get the outta the way. Yeah, honestly, basically. Lily, are you, do you spend the holidays with your in-laws now? I do. It’s rare that we go to Maine because it’s expensive and sometimes you get trapped there ’cause of all the snow and there’s like only one airport and it’s an hour away from like where you’re at. I grew up in a small town. I don’t know if anyone could tell. What’s the actual town called? Um, Brooksville. Brooksville. Brooksville, okay. Well I, at I Brooksville ville. Brookville. Population 900. I had a really good time growing up. Like it was always all of my cousins, all of my uncles and aunts and family, and we just gather around my grandparents’ table and there wasn’t like one big table. We had to connect a bunch of them together and some of us would like sit on a couch that was like pulled up to the um, table. It was just very cool reaction, but it was nice. And then there was, um, my, my grandfather drank a lot of Bacardi. Yeah. What? That’s how Cardi B got her name. Yeah. They’d save the jugs to like, put water in, but then it would look like the kids were drinking Bacardi, but they were really just drinking water. We started letting the kids, um, open their own bottles of apple cider so they can experience opening a bottle that’s training him. Yeah. And then, um, they started walking around the parties with cups in their hand, like, you know, like with their straws. And they’re just like, like, like how we do basically. And I like that they’re a part of the function. All right. I’m ringing out the moisture for potatoes doesn’t need to be like. Fully un wet. Bring back onto the data. Come on now. I’m shredding cheese. You finally done boiling your meat? No, it’s gonna boil for this whole time. I got dough for my Kelly rolls. Kelly, bro, you can look at all your flaring potatoes. Oh dude, I’m in my, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I already got maraschino cherry juice in the butter. Oh my gosh. That sounds nice. Maraschino cherry juice butter. Turnips are in the water. Tell me about these mashed turnips. Well. Yeah, please. Got turnips and you pretty much cook ’em and mash ’em with some butter. And that’s a recipe that I’m not ch Well, I did change it. I added a little chick chicken bullon paste. But walk on the wild side, huh? But that’s the only thing. Otherwise, they’re perfect. They’re perfect. They’re perfect. They’re perfect. What are you ringing out? You’re just all over my stuff. Are you peeing? Hey Taylor, what’s up you? No, he’s ringing out his tatas. My tatas are wet guys. How would you recommend I get a burner? Um, there’s one in front of you. Yeah. This is the small bad one. What do you mean? One? You can come over here. That one you can come over. Oh, this one. This one? Yeah. Use that one. Nice dude. So, no. Yeah, mine’s cooking slow. I need, I need a lid. But we don’t believe in lids in this household. We don’t believe in lids in this household. You’re just gonna cook on the stove. Yeah, dude. Thanks for me to do. Oh, um, I’m soaking my chilies over here. I have some ancho chilies, some California, some New Mexico ones. And this is gonna be basically the chili base of my pozole. I do feel like I’m just having fun with my friends and cooking. Isn’t that the best? It is really nice. We should do this more often. I agree man. You guys should come over to my house. We can all cook these things. I would love to. Sleep on your cat’s bed. Yeah, dude. My cat. My cat just sleep in our bed. Josh has this like spaceship thing that the cat poops in. Oh yeah. We have a litter robot. Yeah. Is it one of those fancy things? It’s a robot. Well, yeah. It depends what you mean by robot. Like, don’t talk to me. I mean, I fall in love with it. Sure. But. Got my Kelly roll dough here. My bowl is buttered, and then I’m just gonna let it proof for like a couple hours. Oh, a couple hours. The critic’s coming, critic coming. Go, go, go. Don’t forget. Don’t forget. A slam dunk for me is something that is personal, has a narrative, but is also really executed well. I need technical proficiency on the plate, otherwise it’s not gonna work. Regardless of whose table you’re at. Yo, this is, this is the ingredient man. This is schmaltz. This is rendered chicken fat. If you want to talk Jewish cuisine, you gotta talk about schmaltz. So I’m trying to make this latke dough a little bit wet. Oh dude. Yo, we got any bicarb? Who like baking soda? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool kids call it bicarb. Bicarb, yeah. You got any bicarb over there, dude? Gimme some bicarb. They say baking soda. You want a bicarb in there? Got baking soda. Oh, see you do need my help. Aw. Just little like half teaspoon. Tell me what a half teaspoon. Just half teaspoon. Just half teaspoon. That’s like a quarter. Just half teaspoon. You want more? Yeah. That was just a little bit of dust. You’re getting a little. There we go. That’s good. Thank you. You’re getting a little cranky. So we do know the food critic Farley. Yes. He has shown up before. He’s actually, frankly one of my favorite writers to read. But also like he grew up in a small town up in New York. I think he’s gonna put us through the ringer a little bit. You know what I mean? I think he’s gonna really examine this through like the lens of uh, you know, your technique. Any sort of creativity, how much this is really giving homeness. I don’t know. I’m not worried ’cause I, um, I’m no worried grown up with the confidence of a six foot two white man my entire life. So I just kind of don’t worry about anything. Yeah, same. Yeah, but I’m six five in my heart. I feel that. But I don’t know, man. Why are you guys nervous? I feel nervous. I feel like sometimes when you’re cooking for a food critic, as people do, they can overcomplicate things. Yeah. And I wanna keep this homey. I really wanna make my Mimi proud. Aw. Aw. Mimi. Mimi, me, Mimi, and sheep with my grandfather. You know, I’m just cooking from the heart. My tios are all on my shoulder. They’re like, come on, mija, get this right. Yeah. My, my grandmother’s on my shoulder being like, why don’t you have a real job? Your cousin David works at the bank. Something I can do. Yeah. You wanna trim chicken livers for me? Ugh. Okay. During deer season, we’d all gather around my Mimi’s kitchen counter. Nothing. Just butcher deer and then eat that with deer, meat, and onion. What are you? Don’t look at me. You burned something. I smell it. No way, man. Why you burn it? No. Wait, you burn something? No, dude. You guys are acting crazy out here. Oh, you guys are always crazy, man. Look at that. I like guys. Looks crazy. Oh, that’s, you like that smell that dude. This doesn’t that smell nice? Literally smell it. That looks the color too. The color’s so pretty. Listen dude, all I want to eat is Mexican food though. Guys, look at my spoon. Whoa. Whoa. We had to, we’re living in the future the whole time. You’re so 2008 and Lily over here is so 2000 and late, dude. Oh, good one. I don’t wanna do your livers anymore. Oh dude, thank you for doing that. I forgot the livers. Okay, so yesterday my mom and dad came to the office for the first time and I realized they had never been here before and they were so excited. But I told my mom that I was making her pozole and she was like, okay, take me through the recipe. So I had to take, go through with her with everything, and she told me like four steps, I forgot. So that was pretty helpful. And then me and your dad talked about how police interrogation techniques and last meals are very similar. Wait for real. A real conversation I had with Byron. For example. He’s like, yeah, when I watch you, he’s like, I notice you’re doing what I did when I was a detective. We’re like, you’re reading their body language. You know what I mean? And then I can tell sometimes that you know information that they don’t know, you know? And that’s the key to an interrogation. It’s just like, bro, what would happen when we missed curfew as a kid? You have no idea. With a flash. Just being like used me. Where were you? While he full well knows you were at your friend’s house and I used to go out with my brother, we would leave the house together and then separate when we were out and then meet back up before we came back home so that my parents would know we were together. The whole That’s so crazy. Time. Yeah. You probably have to get really creative. We got very credit. ’cause me and my brother did not like each other at the time. We didn’t like each other until college. But you needed each other to get away. But we needed each other to get away with things. Yes. My lockers are pretty much done. I got the ham in there. I just gotta get this chicken liver blended up. How you guys feeling? I’m feeling good. I’m just skimming my broth right now. Just chilling. We’re to do a thing. I’m doing so good that I’m helping you, so thank you. It really means a lot. You wanna try latke as payment? I would love to because you literally bit me, dude. Don’t, don’t bite me. I’ll take it from your hand. Wait, did you sharpen your teeth? What happened? While you two nibble on those, now’s a good time to tell you that today’s video is possible thanks to our friends at Kroger. Whenever I’m cooking for the holidays, I’m just walking over to the Ralph’s, my local Kroger family store to get herbs, spices, protein, drinks, everything I need for a holiday feast. So whether you’re cooking for family or a food critic, you can find everything you need for your holiday traditions at your local Kroger family store. These are the foods that brought our families around the table, and now we get to use the skills that we’ve learned as chefs. To share a little bit of that togetherness with each other and honestly with you all, watching some of you for more than half a decade, it feels like you’re right there with us. So thanks so much to Kroger for sponsoring that portion of today’s video. And thanks to all the grocery heads out there who have supported us since day one. I gotta make some more latkes. I. Guys, it’s been a couple hours. Food critic gets here in 45 minutes. I’m chopping prunes. Where we at? I’m freaking out. We’re doing good. Oh. Oh, shoot. My bread is not in the oven. It has not had its second proof. Oh, yikes. I need to roll it out. Oh, yikes. I’m just chopping prunes. I have my pozole that I put my pureed chilies in. It has a very nice color. It’s looking good, but I’m gonna just let it just go. Just go until he gets here. That’s freaking awesome, man. We’ve got the livers there that Lily. Thank you for cleaning that up. Yeah, you’re welcome. I appreciate that. Don’t be scared to ask for help. I’m gonna get my aromatics going. The key here, you don’t wanna make it too wet. Get some butter. I don’t want corn in my chowder, but I want corn in my chowder. I just don’t want the texture of it, but I’m gonna blend it. You’re gonna blend it and strain it. I’m gonna blend it and strain it. Yeah. That’s smart. That’s smart. My aunt, so she was trying to tell me how to roll the Kelly rolls and you need your pointer finger. But then one time she was chopping wood and she cut it off. Oh, so she had to use her middle finger to, to shape the holes. Wait, she, she don’t got a pointer finger anymore? No. Um, if anybody’s wondering, I roasted those tomatoes, chilis, the same way my mom does the chilis and then I’m gonna put them in the mo. Lily, you’re too loud. I’m sorry. I’m gonna put them in the molcajete. And then I’m gonna match up. Man. All my people got to flavor their food is prunes and onion, so I’m using a lot of them. Okay, I’m sauteeing some apples right now. We get some sweetness in that. I got some chives to top everything later. I wanna start getting this prune jam going. It’s hot. Can you use this burner? Can you use that burner? No. I’m using all the burns. Using all the burners. All the burners. You take this burn, you want this burner? Look at that. Am It’s wet. Wet ham still being wet. I’m also gonna pull my ham juice not on camera. Uh, I’m gonna pull my ham juice. Ham juice. Why? Show ’em I’m pulling my ham juice. Show ’em your ham juice. I’m gonna pull my ham juice and I’m gonna reduce it a little bit ’cause I wanna try and turn that into like a real proper glaze. I made gorditas. Dude, those gorditas look wonderful. They look like little pupusas. Do you cook them and then you kind of like stuff ’em, you cut ’em open and stuff ’em. Yes I do. We pan fry ’em with some oil and then, ooh, if there’s a hat. He’s not hot man. Yo, we should pivot. Episode pivot. Okay, we’re making pupusas. Nah, fusion. Aw. I want to put chicken liver pate in your gorditas. What if you know what I’m saying? Okay. I wanna put, Lily, do you ever burn over there? I can use, yes. We’re switching. We’re switching. Ugh. We can have that one. Okay. Ugh, this is boiling. Take it off. Thank you. Too hot. I’m not allowed back at family holidays, ’cause I did tweet about the stuffing once and how bad it was and then it went a little bit viral. This isn’t hot. Um, and then I didn’t realize that my cousin Jack’s dental practice followed me on Twitter and then he showed it to everyone and then he started a burner account on Twitter. Hey, bro. I know you think you’re cool, but it’s not cool to diss your family. Oh my God. And I was like, Jack, I know this is you, man. And I’ve, uh, since apologized and not let back in. And that’s all right. Dude. I, I never really felt quite welcome in the first place, and that’s, that’s what, you know, sometimes holidays are about, you know, making your own family. Yeah. We’re family, right? Yeah. You see a free dental stuff from, I don’t know. I have a big family. I have 25. I have 25 first cousins. He said, wait your turn. Happy holiday memories. My chili is done. Okay. I’m adding potatoes. You get that. But potato to scallop ratio is very important. I want mostly scallops, just like one potato per bowl. I need another burner. Okay. Oh no. What do I do? What do I do? I remember on Hanukkah once I walked in the door and Betty’s husband, Morrie poked me in the stomach and he went, where you’re going fatty, why don’t you lose weight? And then he died of a brain hemorrhage. Fun stories with Josh. New traditions. New traditions. My brother flew me out to France when I would’ve been 20 years old and he was 24 and we spent Christmas together in France. That’s something I never thought I’d be able to do. So that was a really, that was a really nice time for us. That’s a good mem. Aww. Yeah, dude, we got good memories. Some of ’em, sometimes it takes a while to form ’em, you know? So if you’re having bad memories right now, just wait a bit. Could get better. It could get, you know, it could go either way, but also you gotta believe, um, my grandfather had a snowmobile and he used to tow me around on like a snow tube. That was a nice memory. Aw. He’s dead now. One time I was being a bad girl and my grandpa put toothpaste in my stocking and some coal and a shoe, just one shoe that he found outside in the garbage. Liver going in hot. And then I opened it and the toothpaste exploded on my face. And then it was a crown in there that said drama queen on it. And he made me wear it, and that was a very traumatic Christmas for me. Does anyone wanna try my mashed turnip. Yeah. Ready? What happened to that strainer? What strainer. Why’s right there the whole time? Why are you always yelling? Well, I freak out sometimes. Get a bigger spoon. That taste like, dude, that’s pretty damn good, man. That tastes like the earth. That’s damn pretty damn good. You better not hate on Mimi’s turnip. Not hate. I’m not hate, I’m not. All right, I gotta blend up this liver. Can I use your cutting board? Yeah. Yeah. Where’s my blender? Where’s my blender? I’m stressed out. Where’s I’m gonna use your knife. Where’s my, because where’s my blender? I want to make sure that we are fulfilling the prompt of the holiday table, which is that everything has to work. Together. If you get one dish that pushes the boundaries, frankly, a little bit too far, it can ruin the entire meal. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. How did we all end up here? I thought it was chill. Doesn’t feel that way anymore. Doesn’t feel chill. All doesn’t look big enough. But I don’t really give a crap. You can’t curse in the holidays like this. It’s that crap. That’s crazy. It’s in the Bible. Crap is not in the Bible. My aunt told me to roll these like a, so that’s what we’re gonna do today. How do you roll a, how do you roll? The ball and then she said to like kind of go like this, is that what you’re supposed to be doing? That’s what I don’t think, you know what look like lily techniques off. And then she said to make another next to it and go like this. That one’s so fluffy compared to the other one. Are you on my liver? What do you guys think? Farley’s gonna think of our dishes. Thank you for having me in your torture dungeon. I have my scallops here. I’m gonna add them to the chowder. Look how nice these are. Aren’t these beautiful? They my T Moo. I think he’s gonna like my food Moo. I’m not gonna wash my, its all I think he’s gonna love me the most. He’s gonna like you the most. Love I said love. Don’t, don’t seduce the critic. No, he’s gonna love me. Bow, bow, bow. Liver’s done. I gotta re, I got too much oil in this green gray’s the color. It’s supposed to be uhhuh crap. So now I just gotta get the air bubbles outta a liver mush. Yum. I’m plating my turnips. I need making Are you plating her turnips? I’m making my refried beans. She’s making her refried beans. Chili go about to be in the air. If anybody care. I dropped the oven timer into my ham juice. Oh, no, no. Ah, that’s a, ah, I’m using a spoon to mash my beans. Yeah, there’s a ti there’s a, a thermometer in my ham. Um, get it out. Like just cooking in there? No, it fell. It just fell in right now. Wow. No, but check this out. Check this out. It’s not done. This seems safe. I don’t like this. What do you mean? Oh, oh my God. It’s gonna be, yeah. How your dad got burned. Yep. Like father-like son. Um, my scallop chowder. It’s almost done. I’m just gonna top it with chives after, and it be nice and finished. These are my turnips and my bread has to prove for another couple hours, and then he’ll be ready to eat on my end. I’m re refineries. I’m smashing ’em with a spoon like my mama. And then there’s some cumin salt in here. I’m just gonna mush them. I got my little caramelized onion prune chutney ready. I got my liver setting up. I just need to reduce this ham glaze. Put that on the ham and then I’m set. Alright, let’s see what he thinks. Farley, welcome back to the Mythical Kitchen. Thank you for having me in your torture dungeon. Anytime. Anytime. Let me tell you what I have here. Please. You mentioned earlier that, um, you want things that go together. Yeah, well, sometimes families don’t go together, Farley and sometimes families get divorced and sometimes when you’re a kid you grow up eating odds and ends. So that’s what I’ve prepared for you today. I grew up, uh, both celebrating Hanukkah and Christmas and so I have made for you my grandma’s chopped chicken liver on toast. I made an onion and prune jam ’cause that woman ate more prunes than anyone I’ve ever known in my life. Uh, and then in the middle here, this is my dad’s ham that we ate every single year. His mom must have seen it from some magazine in 1964. So it has canned pineapple and maraschino cherry, and there’s a whole two liter of Coca-Cola that it has been brazing in for hours. But then I pulled the Coke syrup and actually reduced it down to be almost like a red eye gravy. And then simply my grandma’s latkas. I would always eat it with sour cream and applesauce on the same bite. Well, please dig in. Absolutely. I’m gonna start with the prunes because why nots and get everything lubed up in the digestive tract a little bit, you know? Yes, that’s exactly right. You know us, man, we’re getting older. We need all the lubed up digestive track stuff we can handle. You got good proctologist wreck? ’cause I need one man. I’m, I’m at that age I ate a lot of red meat. Yeah. I’m trying to get my younger brother to become a proctologist. Not for me, but just because I think there’s a lot of future money in it, you know? Okay. You know, as we are framed by our own experiences, this is a little bit of an ode to the chicken liver at Alimento. You wanna talk about nostalgia? Alimento is that sort of restaurant that was a neighborhood staple for everybody. It does tie into the holidays. It’s the kind of comfort food that you can look forward to, maybe even once or twice a year. I think this is really lovely. My only note is like, at Alimento when they’re doing the liver whatever poaching technique, they kept it really pink, super vibrant. This, I would say is a little zombie grayish. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know, my grandma’s was a lot grayer than that of a, uh, professional chef with Michelin star experience, so I, I tried to, to honor my grandma with the, the grayness. Yeah. Of the chicken livers. Well, we gotta get grandma to talk to Zach because the color on that, it’s, it’s delightful, but. Have you for the chives and uh, green onions on top. Did you go through and, and, you know, cut them to the most rigorous degree and then videotape it and put it on your Instagram for all the other chefs to see? That’s a very popular move. No, I did not ask anybody to rate my chives. My last words were actually, I left them a little chunky ’cause I like it that way. Uh, they are chunky. That’s the sort of thing that’s gonna get stuck in your teeth, but if you’re among family members, it won’t really matter. Now there’s ham. I gotta be honest with you, I love, let’s go. And now for this, I do latkes a lot with my many Jewish brethren. Shabbat Shalom, et cetera. I’m not sure. Toda raba. Damn well. Yeah, baruch adonai, well that’s about the extent of it for me. But I’m always, I don’t know if you’re using silverware for this, but I go, I go handout for sure. Just making sure. I wanna ask you about the onions on this. I would love a lot more onion in this personally for a little bit more punch. I think so many people go sort of McDonald’s hash brown thin. Yeah. Where everything is surface area, which works for McDonald’s and does not work for a latke. Agree. I need a little bit of like actual fluff and texture on the inside. This edge is exactly what makes a great latke so kudos to you. As I said, a little more pepper, a little more onion, but ultimately. I think this is classic holiday food. This is about as traditional as it gets. The ham is my winner, but if you look at me, I’m a ham guy. You can. Yeah, I think you and I share some ham genes, you know. I gotta tell you, if I had to rank these three dishes, it would be 1, 2, 3. I just know whatever is coming next has a high bar to jump over. Farley, thank you so much. Farley, for you, I have my Mexican family Christmas. To your right is my mom’s pozole. It is pork. And then in the middle I have my tia Julie’s salpicon. Normally that’s not what it looks like in regular recipes, but this is how she makes it. And it’s usually served with vinegar and like a dressing. This just has mayo in it. Okay. So it’s gonna be delicious. And then at the end is a gordita, my mom’s style, and it’s stuffed with cheese, beans, and then our family chili. Now as I dig in, can you walk me through visually your. Yes. Holiday table? I need to get in the mode. Oh, it is very loud. Okay. Everybody in my family has no volume control. Yeah, it’s very loud in our household. Normally we make tamales, but I decided not to do that this year ’cause I was more excited about my mom’s pozole. Actual day of Christmas, my mom will do this or she’ll make green tortilla soup. But this reminds me of my grandma. This is more of her vibe of what she likes to make. Well, I gotta tell you, this so far is beautiful. You know, you just scoop up a little bit of the broth. You can see those little small bubbles of fat that kind of float on the top, and you can tell it’s all been cooked down and simmered down. Mm-hmm. I would maybe reduce it a little bit more just to kind of even have it pop with a little bit more flavor. But the meat is so tender and you can tell that it’s so beautifully rendered in the, the craft here for as simple and as homey as a dish like this is, is really well done. So kudos to you. Yes. Thanks mom. Now this one’s tough ’cause you’re, you’re one’s tough, you’re sagging a little bit. This is a tough transition ’cause it also is boiled meat. I just stole some of Josh’s chives and put it on top. So if you’re wondering why they’re chunky, he cut them. Man, these chunky chives are gonna follow Josh everywhere, I’ll tell you that. So it’s a play off of chicken salad is what I like to think of. Mm-hmm. But it’s just beef. No, I think the mayo is nice. I mean, o obviously. As we’ve established my ham bonafides, I’m a guy with mayo in his blood. Oh. So this is, this is certainly nice. I do think you need a little bit more texture, so I, I would put an extra tortilla on here, maybe even, you know, some sort of a, a crispy onion or something like that on top. I love that you kept these onions really thick and big to give them a little bit of bite. I think that’s really nice. Uh, you could also, I would say maybe, keep the meat sort of texture as is, but maybe chop it a little bit more. Okay. ’cause otherwise you’re getting like that kind of big pull, which can be tough. Okay. So walk me through gorditas in your house. Are they an every weekend staple? Are they a holiday staple? Is it family recipes handed down. Like how, how often are you experiencing these in your family home? This is usually once a year. Okay. During Christmas, specifically Christmas morning, this is breakfast. Okay. So my mom will make these, but she won’t cut ’em open. This is actually the style of how I eat them. Yeah. And walk around the house. Just, you know, what are you doing? Hell yeah. What’s for, you know, what’s for dinner? Man, that is so good. I love this. Yay. This speaks to me as a food writer and food critic. As a person who’s been eating around Los Angeles for 15 years at this point, this is the sort of flavor. And I, and I know what I said earlier about heat and spice. This is the sort of flavor that is, that belongs in every single home. It’s got enough of a zip, but not overwhelming, and you can tell that it’s just been like crafted to be portable, to be easily eatable, to take with you all day. This is the sort of thing that if somebody handed me any morning, 365 days a year, I would absolutely love. And eight of them. I would eat eight of ’em. Yeah. I want like a Oreo sleeve of these. Yes. Where I can take the top off and they’re all just vertical. Exactly. I love this. I really appreciate you taking me briefly into your family’s home because if you are eating stuff like this every single year mm-hmm. That’s a great table. Oh, thank you. Yes. If I had to rank these, I mean, this is, this is right away number one. Uh, this is, uh, I might meet you in the parking lot and ask for the recipe sort of stuff. Um, this pozole is, is great, really, really comforting. My only issue, like I said, I would reduce it a little bit more. And this just unfortunately doesn’t really work for me. But if these two are on the table, somebody else can have that and I’m doing just fine. Yeah, I agree. Hello, Mr. Food critic, sir. Hello. Hello. I appreciate the pomp and circumstance. Yeah. Um, so for you, I have a Christmas journey in Maine. That’s where I grew up. Also a small town. So on your left you have a scallop chowder. This would be served, um, at Christmas Eve. My grandmother would make a giant pot of it and put it on the wood stove, and it would just be like a help yourself type of thing. But I spruce it up because she would just do like evaporated milk and scallop and onions and basically that was it. Mm-hmm. Um, so I made a chicken stock with bacon. Um, there’s some clam juice in it, uh, lots of corn cobs. And I blended the corn to kind of thicken the chowder as well. And then in the middle you have mashed turnips. There’s not much more to say about that. My family likes a mash, mashed potatoes, mash squash, and then mash turnips. And then last, this is a Kelly roll. It’s called a Kelly roll, ’cause my aunt’s name is Kelly and I would enjoy them the most the day after Christmas with some strawberry jam. Okay. Beautiful. Well, I gotta tell you, as a small town northeast kid, this is already sort of speaking my language and if you had said nothing about your past, the moment you said scallop, I would’ve been like we got a Mainer on. Yes. People make fun of me for that. Yeah, I know exactly who we’re dealing with here. God, this looks so beautiful. How are my chives? I didn’t use Josh’s. Yeah, it’s readily apparent that you did not use Josh’s. That is for sure. These are big boys too. Man, that is, that is delightful. I would say in its current construction, maybe hard for every member of the family to eat without cutting those scallops in half. Scallops. But honestly, this is, this is so delightful. And as you said, sort of like blending that corn to give it a little bit more thickening, that’s like really what this needs. This is pure northeast comfort food. Absolutely killed it. That’s delicious. Thank you. Uh, the humble turnip. This is more of a execution than anything, but I’d reach for this in the back of the fridge for leftovers the next day, so. So personally, I’d reach for a phone book and call a pizza place. That’s just me. Yeah, there’s not a ton to say here. I do think it’s executed well. I think what people really run into as a problem, when it comes to any kind of mashed during the holiday seasons, obviously consistency, but also just salting. Mm-hmm. Stuff is either wildly over salted or not enough because the butter can just sort of hide that. So I do think it’s, it’s a very well done version of a thing I don’t like very much. Okay. Okay. I’ll take it. This. What’s not to love. This is the sort of thing that I feel like you would walk downstairs, 8:00 AM the TV’s on. Yep. Another family member has coffee and you’re just enjoying life. In my in-laws family, the day after Thanksgiving is always the day when they start doing Christmas decorations. Mm-hmm. And it all comes down into the attic and music is playing maybe a little champagne before 10:30 in the morning. Everyone has their little jeweled bangles on their glass so they know which one is which. Yeah. I’m usually the snowman. And this sort of thing, you’re biting, you’re half paying attention and the, the sounds and the warmth of a house like that. As simple as a dish as this is, I can feel that coming through. So this is really beautiful. Thank you. This makes me kind of emotional. Great work. Thank you. We had peppermint schnapps that we’d pass around. Okay. Not champagne. Well, this is lovely. Super simple. I think this is the standout, obviously just from a flavor, but also a technique standpoint. You can, this is a homey winner for me, and then turnips are, aren’t they just. Yeah, not for everyone. Um, and now I have to admit, I’ve got a pretty hard decision to make. Is there a winner? Farley, thank you for your candor, your criticism, your appetite, your kind words. This really was a fun exercise for me to kind of, I don’t know, think about my own holiday traditions and to hear yours is really special. Yeah. I really appreciate you guys welcoming me into your Mythical Kitchen home, very briefly. It’s like every family home, it’s chaotic, there’s in fighting, but ultimately we love each other, man. But you have a difficult decision to make now. You have to decide which family home you would like to come to for the holidays next year. And then we gotta set up the guest bedroom for ’em. Yeah. Yeah. I need a king bed. 400 count sheets. You guys. Egyptian top. We know. I’ll set my rider ahead. I, I gotta say, obviously I didn’t love everything, but I think that the glimpses. You didn’t have to say that. That’s all right. Individual glimpses into your family homes is all really touching and moving. So again, I really appreciate that. If I could only pick one. I would really be toggling between the ham as a ham head myself. The latkes were great. This is maybe the single standout dish, the Gordita, but. If I could only eat at one family holiday gathering, I think it would be Lily’s. Whoa. Whoa. Why are you surprised. You gave him turnips. Yes. It is northeast comfort food at its finest, which resonates with me. And, and I’ll say it again, the, the simplest dish can have the most profound effect on how people experience their holidays. And for you to share that with me is so meaningful and I will leave the turnips to the old folks. Thank you. I’ll get your bed ready. Uh, Lily, well deserved Farley dude, truly thank you again for everything. But you cooked your ass off and I ate that gordita. That truly is something special. Yeah, if I could only pick one fighter on the table, it’s the gordita, but thankfully it’s a family tradition. We’ll leave the beefs at home briefly. I’ll take you, I’ll send you home with some ham. Please do. Please do. Thank you all so much and thank you all so much. Everybody. We got leftovers. Who wants ham? Who wants salpicon? Come get your food. It’s the holiday. Surprise that fellow Mythical beast with a Mythical store gift card or a Mythical society membership. 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