- What? – I mean what else would you rather be doing today? – Oh, God. – Just sitting in a room, coming up with new sketch ideas, just live in the moment. (upbeat music) Welcome to Food Fears, where I make something you hate taste great. Today’s guest traveled all the way from the room next door, he’s my Brogi Bear, my Broe Montana and my Bro Brogan, welcome Shayne Topp. – Wow, those are all my favorite nicknames I’ve ever gotten. – Well thank you so much for joining me. I’ve eaten some weird stuff with you before, so I feel like we’re right back at it. – Yeah, every on-camera appearance I’ve had with you has been, it’s been fun to work with you but it’s been awful, food-wise. You and I had such hot salsa on Mythical Morning that we hallucinated, just about. – This actually might still be in that hallucination. – I have no idea what reality is after that episode. – We create our own reality. – I am nervous though, I– – You’re radiating body heat right now. – Rule of threes, this has to be the worst one. – But do you have any fears, ’cause I watched you house a malic acid burger, and you felt absolutely nothing. – I think fermented fish is something I don’t like. – Do you think you don’t like fermented fish because your mom once saved you from drowning when you were 18 months old? – Wow, that’s a, boy, that’s some good memory there, I don’t know when I told you about that, but yeah, that did happen. – You talk in your sleep. (laughs) – Yeah, I don’t know, possibly. – We call that a quick pickle in the culinary industry, when you’re just in there and almost dead for a minute. – I don’t feel, though, that I’m an adventurous eater, I’m generally in restaurants and stuff, I’m not afraid of anything. However, in the internet sphere, I feel like we always like to push the envelope a little bit further, and I’ve rarely been super stoked about anything I’ve had to eat, and I have a feeling this is gonna be that again. – I think we should get down to it, are you ready to see what’s under the cloche? – Yeah, man. – All right, well, today’s food fear, it’s tarantulas, it’s a straight-up tarantula, man. – Wow, that’s a full-on tarantula. – So this is a zebra tarantula. No stripes, seems like false advertising. But there is a fair amount of hair on it, and I believe the roe sacs are intact. – [Shayne] Ah, that’s a lot, wow. – [Josh] Yeah, we went there. – Yeah, boy, you really, where did you get these? – I went to Google.com, I typed tarantulas for eating, question mark, ’cause I’m used to Ask Jeeves, so I put question marks, and then I went to shopping and I clicked the first link, and now we’re here. – You didn’t talk to anyone about if it’s, if I can eat it? – No, I don’t know if these are technically food-safe tarantulas, these could be for children to use in science projects. – No, this is awful, this is really scary. – Here’s the thing, though. You’re gonna start off scared, but you’ve seen this show, and I’m gonna make something really cool with it, and then you’re not gonna be as scared of it anymore. – Right, yeah, I trust you. – Haha, that’s your first mistake. So the first step is to eat these whole, ’cause we have to kind of get the flavor profile of them, and figure out where we can put them into a dish to actually make them edible, you seem incredulous at this idea. – What? – I mean what else would you rather be doing today? Just sitting in a room coming up with new sketch ideas, just live in the moment, man, you could’ve not been here, if your mom didn’t know CPR and if you weren’t. – You could’ve been dead! – I’m gonna start guilt-tripping you about that. All right, so I’m just gonna go ahead and pick it up by the leg. – What if it crawls away? – It should be fine. All right, and then we’re just gonna gingerly touch the tips, make them kiss. And then down the hatch. – Are you dead serious, man? – [Josh] It’s gotta be the whole thing, ’cause you wanna get every part of it, right? – I don’t, okay. – [Josh] What, do you eat a whole chicken and just throw away the wings, no, you gotta eat ’em. – I was not planning on this today, I thought it was gonna be like “Aha, you have to eat this weird mushroom.” – I thought I was gonna be a doctor and now I’m here. – What if we die? – We could die. – Hears the producer go (sighs). – [Shawn] All right, pop ’em in. What are you feeling? – I feel like I’m a reptile right now. – The more you chew it, you feel the aroma kinda come up through the back of your palate into the nose, it’s a little earthy. – This tastes like how Petco smells. Are we gonna become Tom Holland? – I hope so, he’s so talented. – Can I get a Marvel deal out of this, please? – You’d be like the bootleg Spider Man, you’re Spider Boy now. – I really just did that. – And how do you feel about it? – It definitely is not good. No, that’s not, no one’s eating that for fun. It’s not my thing, you know? Not what I want. – Not yet it isn’t! Go play basketball with a random dude that was dribbling outside the office. – There was a guy just literally playing basketball. – Go chill with him, I’m gonna make you a delicious dish, I know it’s gonna make you fall in love with spiders. – All right, thanks, Josh. – [Josh] No problem, man. – This is great, I’m so happy to be here. – I’m happy your mom saved you. – Yeah, me too. – All right, so now we have to make our tarantula brittle, which isn’t a thing, our tarantula brittle, ah, god, these are so gross. To make the tarantula brittle, you have to get sugar, water, corn syrup and honey heating in a pot, get that to about 300 degrees. This is good, because spiders actually make honey. Spider honey tastes really similarly to spider syrup. And mostly like dirt and eggs and webs. The fumes are giving me nausea. Then you’re gonna rough chop tarantulas, fold those in. Oh, it smells like death, okay. I don’t wanna run from the tarantulas, like if it was in real life, I’d run from tarantulas, ’cause I’m very easily frightened. All right, and then we’re gonna pour this kind of aerated brittle along our pan, and we’re gonna put some of those tarantula bits right on top. I’m tarantula bae, this is gross. I don’t like this, I wanna go home. So we just have to get this into the fridge, and this is all gonna kinda seize up, become nice, crunchy and light, and then those are gonna go on our tarantula cookies. To make the tarantula chocolate chunks, you gotta get a double boiler heating on the stove, then you’re gonna add coconut oil just to loosen everything up. It kind of gives you a buffer with your chocolate, then we’re gonna put in our chocolate. So then we’re gonna go ahead and take some tarantula powder, put that in there, and this should melt down really nicely. Spiders, if you’re out there, if you’re watching this, come at me, bro. The thing I’ve learned on YouTube is that not everyone’s gonna like your content. And if you start catering everything to the arachnid empire, they’re just gonna walk all over you. That’s a lot of legs. In the words of my boy Johnny Rico, sorry, Captain Johnny Rico, the only good bug is a dead bug. Oh, if I were in Starship Troopers, I would absolutely be mobile infantry, I’d be one of the guys that gets impaled with a bug leg in one of those brutal montages about three seconds into the movie. I’ve inhaled a lot of powdered tarantula, and I can hear their thoughts. The tarantula’s thoughts really surprised me, actually, they said that eight-legged freaks is the most accurate representation of spider culture in media and also that David Arquette is a national treasure. Oh, and you can see that nice, textural crunch in there. It’s like a post-apocalyptic Crunch bar, for when spiders are the only food, but I guess we’ll probably be the spiders’ food by then because I’ve angered them, and their spider hordes are gonna rise up from the dirt. Probably be better, spiders don’t have carbon emissions, spiders have no racism. The world would be a better place if spiders took over, because there would be no Justin Bieber. Unless they had a spider version of Justin Bieber, in which case it would probably be a lot worse. Hm… Cool, so we’re just gonna go ahead and pop this in the fridge, and then this is gonna be good enough to cut into chunks and fold into our cookie dough. Food Fears! It’s time to reveal the enormous secret that I bet none of you saw coming. Next year, the Mythical channel will become the Mythical Kitchen channel. In 2020 we’ll be releasing a full season of Fancy Fast Food, weekly cooking videos, and more surprises, so if you haven’t already, go over to the Mythical channel, subscribe to the soon to be Mythical Kitchen. Thank you so much for making this happen, now, back to spider cookies, yum! Mm, mm! Ooh, yummy. To make the tarantula chip cookie dough, you’re gonna start by preheating your oven to 375 degrees, and then you’re gonna get half your butter browning in a pot. So while that’s going, gonna go ahead and take some of that nice honeycomb toffee, nice big spider-filled shards, that’s what we’re looking for. You’re gonna take the other half of that butter and you’re gonna get it creaming with the brown sugar in the stand mixer, and then you’re gonna add your white sugar with an egg, and the rest of that brown butter in there and just keep that beating for about two minutes. Make sure we got a nice, wet base to add our flour into. Hehe, nice wet base. So we got that all spun up, now we’re gonna go ahead and add some tarantula powder. Then you’re gonna add in your dry ingredients, that’s the flour, the salt and the baking soda. Then we’re gonna slowly stream in this brown butter, as the dough is coming together. See that beautiful color on it. Mm, the best thing about making cookies, you get to eat the raw dough. You get a lot of tarantula flavor, which is good, that’s what we’re going for. Now we have to fold in chocolate chunks, get a lot of ’em going in there, and then a healthy dose of that toffee. You’re gonna take a big old ice cream scooper just to keep your cookies the same size, you’re gonna scoop the dough onto a silicon mat-lined baking sheet, then you’re gonna garnish it very importantly with fresh tarantula. So we’re just gonna kinda shove some bodies and legs right there. You know we’re not trying to hide it, we’re not trying to run from it, we’re gonna stare the spider invasion right in the face when it finally comes. They made like four sequels to Starship Troopers and they’re all really good. Oh, Starship Troopers Three is fantastic, they really cut the budget so they couldn’t do any of those big scenes, so it all just kind of takes place in one little bunker, but again, Casper Van Dean, he can take any role and just make that movie into a hit. And then you’re gonna go ahead and you’re gonna take these, pop ’em in the oven at 375 for about 12 minutes, then it should be good to go. And you got your tarantula cookies. (ominous tone) (dubstep music) Shane, welcome back, did you beat Craig in one on one? – Yeah, I beat Craig in one on one, it helped that I have spidey powers now. – You know, there’s nothing in life you can’t handle right now. – I really don’t know what I can eat now that’s crazier than that, that was a full tarantula. Not cooked, no chocolate, like you usually get, that was just a tarantula. – Well, speaking of tarantulas and chocolate, the dish I’ve made for you today, here we have tarantula toffee chocolate chip cookies. – You can still tell it’s definitely a tarantula. – A lot of tarantulas in there, we have some whole tarantula bodies on top, but there’s also ground up tarantula flour in the actual cookies which one, protein, hello, this is basically a protein bar for you. – Oh, that’s a lot of bug. – That’s a fair amount, but there’s also bugs in the toffee and in the chocolate and in the actual cookie. But I think all the chocolate should kinda offset it. Well, there’s a little bit of that in there, okay. – You really just go for it. – You got to, man. – Yeah, I just start going for it? – Well we gotta just kinda rub our cookies together. – Yeah, exactly. I’ll get a bunch of this bug right here. (both hum in satisfaction) – Dude. – Yeah. – Bro. – Bro. – ‘Sup? – Bro Rogan. – Bro Rogan. – Bro Brogan. – That was a double bro pun. How you feeling, how much of that tarantula’s coming through for you? ‘Cause it really is all throughout the cookie. – I really could taste it, I can taste it. You didn’t hide away from it. – I tried to really punch that tarantula in the face right into the cookie. – It feels like you know what this is? This is instead of being inside PetSmart, I get to look at the pets from the outside, still breathe in the fresh air, whatever, but I can still enjoy the good parts of PetSmart without going in and getting that musk. – It’s like if there’s a Girl Scout cookie troop selling cookies right outside PetSmart, and you think about buying cookies, but you smell PetSmart and you’re like “Mm, makes me kinda sick inside.” Then so you still give ’em the money ’cause you feel bad for ’em. – Right, yeah. – Would you say your fear of spiders is now completely assuaged? – I mean, man, yeah. That’s good, this is a good cookie, man. Props, you can make a really good cookie with tarantulas. You stupid idiot. – No, we stupid idiot. – Heck yeah. – Shane, thank you so much for joining me, check out Shane on Smosh, he works 30 feet next door to me. Check out on Smosh Games, what do you do? – Smosh, Smosh Pit, Smosh Games. Yeah, it’s definitely funny, ’cause when you’re filming this show, I’m often walking around trying to avoid the set, so I’m always around when you’re filming this is what’s funny, and now I’m finally here and it’s great. It’s a great time, I had so much fun. – We’re having fun! – We’re having a great time! – Contractually obligated fun! – We are having so much fun by choice! – See ya next time. Thank you so much for watching, subscribing, and asking for more shows starring yours truly. You made it happen and starting in 2020, the Mythical channel will become the Mythical Kitchen channel. We’ll have a full season of new Fancy Fast Food episodes, weekly cooking content and more, so if you haven’t already, head over to the Mythical channel, hit subscribe and ring that bell so you can be the first to see the best cooking content this side of the Mississippi. Thanks again and see you next year.