Don’t you dare- No? I swear to God. I know Jiu Jitsu, all Jews know Jiu Jitsu. Jew-Jitsu. Watch, try and hit me with that, bet you can’t. I’m Matty Matheson and this is Mythical Kitchen. This is Josh. These are his arms, his fingers, and his brain in between his ears and in- behind his eyeballs. Today, we’re gonna make something you’ve never seen before. It’s gonna be huge. The internet will soak it up and dip it and suck it and make it feel real nice. Tuck it in. Get a heavy weighted blanket, maybe a couple gravities, couple duvets, couple gooseneck leathers. Like Kim Kardashian popping the champagne and landing it right on her pert derriere, we too shall break the internet tonight! You’re welcome I’m even doing this. And if you wanna snag the time code for the threes, if you want, we’ve broken the recipe… The thing about the recipe is that it’s broken down into three easy steps, Matty, they’re so easy. It goes from one to three! And they’re right there! And then if you also wanna read a full written recipe down in the description, you go there. Buy Matty’s cast iron pan, you schmuck. It’s only $200. It’s the cheapest pan I ever… $200? Matty! Hey! We’re here! We are here. We’re making lasagna outta 7-Eleven ingredients, ’cause we said it, that we were gonna do it so now we have to actually. There’s truth to be told. So what I’m thinking, right? You got the bolognese, you did the chorizo lasagna video, right? Yes. You did it pretty simple, just cook down the chorizo with like a tomato sauce kinda like a bolognese. So I think we could use beef jerky instead, ’cause what is beef jerky other than… I have these stupid little beads on that I got for a Guy Fieri costume and they make clicky clacky- Oh, I’m so sorry. Blend that up, and then we’re gonna make like a sofrito, so- Make sure you take these out! No, leave it in for seasoning. Don’t die kids, I’m sorry- You should obviously buy food that has this in it too. Yeah. I don’t know what this is. Silica gel. Silica gel. Keeps it fresh, keeps it fresh. You’re like a farmer, like you cook nice natural food. I don’t- Oh another one! Yeah, there’s two. put that in the fridge. I’m gonna make the ricotta cheese. You make the ricotta cheese. I’m gonna make the ricotta cheese, but we gotta go like, vegan ricotta because I’m using, I’m using almonds ’cause it’s healthy. I want, you know, it’s a high, low situation here. Yeah, yeah, it’s really like garbage meets Giada. Giada? If Giada and Rachel Ray were wrastlin’ in a dumpster out back of a 7-Eleven, Wow. this is what they’d make. I ate next to Giada once and I like thought it was the, I was just like, wow. So you’re just gonna take the beef jerkies and add the pico de gallo. Yeah, we’re making like a sofrito, right? This is a beef, so it’s a beef sofrito. And then we’re gonna cook that down ’cause you gotta, here’s the thing- And you just crank it! Matty, Matty! 7 Eleven don’t got a lot of- It blends up easily. It’s like a slurry. You know, you gotta jimmy it, you’re not jimmying it. We don’t got the good restaurant stuff. It’s not really doing much. Yeah it is, just keep it going. Stop complaining, just keep it going. You wanna emulsify the onions, the tomatoes, the salty meat. Yeah, ’cause that way you’re gonna get a sludge. Maybe a couple pulses. And a bolognese is just a meat sludge. We can’t over think it. We’re getting there. Matty, is this the wettest pepper jack you’ve ever seen? That’s as wet as it gets, Josh! It’s the wettest pepper jack. Only the finest for Matty Matheson ’cause he’s in the Mythical Kitchen. Mythical Matty! People have been saying, they’re like, you and Matty should collab, they’ve been saying that in the comments. You don’t read comments- There’s only one reason I’m here. Clickbait! All right, you wanna get that heating. is the pan hot? The pan’s not hot. So, you get this to a nice paste. But then we’re gonna go ahead and de-glaze that, here you go. De-glaze it. How’s it taste? It’s just ingredients, right? Yeah, it’s just ingredients. There’s no such thing as dog food, cat food- Nope, it’s just ingredients. It all comes from Mother Earth. Also what, pico de gallo’s good, beef jerky’s good, you combine them together, this is called- Matty, I’m a Chef, this is called cookin’. This is cookin’! And so you combine the good ingredients. Do you think this is gonna taste good? So far, yeah. Right? I can tell. I got… my spidey sense is really cranking out here and I think this is gonna be one… ugh. Well this is, here’s the thing- It’s gonna just be a nice- Here’s the thing! Have you ever heard like, the Italian grandma trick? That you add of pinch of sugar to tomato sauce to neutralize the acidity? Yeah. I bet there’s sugar in that. There’s nothing in it, just sodium. No, no, there’s sugar, there’s sugar. Ah, sugar! Sugar’s the fourth ingredient. Fourth ingredient. So that’s why we’re adding this. Can you, here Matty, do a… You gotta use a, can you use a can opener? To open… God, I’m so slippery with beef fat. I’m gonna strain out these almonds. We gotta make our almond ricotta. Do you think we have to put all of this in there? I think so because right now, this is a pretty thick meat paste. What the – ? What the fudge? What the fudgecicles? What the fudge is this? You gotta -dude… lean on the Mormon roots. Okay, hey Mormons. I’m Mormon! Hey, I got the Tabernacle Choir in my pants. That’s great, I played football at BYU for nine seasons between the ages of 32 and 41. See! I went to the jail where John Smith died. He got killed. I used to go every year to the hill, you go to the hill? Oh, with the tablets? Where he founds the tablets. No way, man. Yeah, my family used to go every year, we’d bring our little chairs and we’d watch the reenactment of an insane person find insane things, and then… no, too m- chef, stop. Do you think this is too much? Just relax, just relax. Well like is that- Maybe a cup at a time. What do you mean a cup at a time? That was like a half cup. You come here to micro manage. A cup at a time. You know, I’m tellin’ you. I’m not micro managing. ‘Cause the heat should- Ahh! Ahh! God dang it! Add more. You’re gunna need more- Where is the jimmy stick? I can tell already! Well we don’t know yet, the almonds are wet! Hot! Hot! Watch your hands! The almonds are wet! There it is. Do you think we need to season? Here let get a tasting spoon. Yeah, let’s taste it. Shall we? Okay. This, this actually makes sense to me, right? Like- It all makes sense to me. Because you got- almond ricotta is the thing that the vegan eat. And added little bit of pepper jack in there. We’re working with like a thing- Why is it vegan? I don’t understand what- Well ’cause I don’t – oh you think they sell Vegans pay for this?! You think they sell bell leather ricotta at the 7-Eleven? Try that? Matty, open up Matty. Cheese. It needs more liquid. Let’s let it run. Just let it run, man. Yeah, yeah, it’s a little grainy. Well I think the Vitamix, cause here’s the thing they initially like marketed Vitamix as like, this is blender you make soup in. Can we get more cheese? More cheese, what is going on!? We need like all of cheese, guys. Be an adult- We are making lasagna- You do really great work. We aren’t making almond soup And I’m really grateful for you. Not making nut soup! I don’t wanna continue the cycle of abuse that Gordon Ramsey’s perpetuated for years. This is what happens. Thank you. All right, Matty. We got our beautiful beef jerky sofrito bolognese cooking down right now. We got our vegan ricotta that also has a bunch of shelf stable Pepper Jack cheese in it. But I know what you’re saying- Matty, what’s the next step in lasagna after this stuff? Well you know, we’re gonna have to get some shells out and layer this up. Are we gonna be putting any lemon zest? Matty, they don’t have fresh lemons at the 7-Eleven. No! Don’t they just have a basket right there with the bananas? Can you just go with it for the sake of this? Okay! No lemons. Can you just say- You got spinach? Josh they don’t have lemons? Josh, they don’t have lemons in- What do you guys call them? Convenience stores? Bodegas? We just call’em liquor stores. Just liquor stores. Yeah, well also we’re gonna Funyun, we’re making Funyuns, we’re making Funyun pasta. Can we put Funyuns on top? Yeah we can put fun on top, man. I love Funyuns. As long as Do we have shells? What do you mean shells? Like lasagna shells. You call them shells? Well, shells are shells. Coquilla are shells. Conquilles. No but lasagna is lasagna. We’re gonna make the Funyun lasagna. Matty, we gotta make the lasagna shells. Shall we? Don’t you don’t you dare. No? I swear to God. I know Jiu Jitsu, all Jews know Jiu Jitsu. Jew-jitsu. Watch, try and hit me with that. Bet you can’t. We’re gonna take the Funyuns and – What are we doing with the Funyuns? We’re making Funyun pasta because they- Funyun pasta, okay. There’s no reason we should because they sell flour at the 7-Eleven. So at this point we’re just selling the motif. This is art, right? Yeah. You know, like some neoclassical painters had bare breasted angels in all their things. We have Funyuns in all of our stuff, you know? All of it. Bear breasted angels. What you-? Yep, yep, yep. Oh you want me to go in here, okay. Okay, okay. I’m going to dump these Funyuns in. So what’s the ratio to Funyun to flour? Whatever we want it to be, man. Using double O? Or is that just AP, is that AP? This is AP. This AP. We don’t use double O ’cause they don’t sell that at the 7-Eleven, but we literally got this flour from the 7-Eleven. Oh yeah. This is like classic, don’t use cake flour. Yeah. We, we use, we. Bread flour, bread flour? Can you just blend that up? Oh, yup. Here’s the thing- That’s it? Okay. You gotta blend the flour with the Funyuns, otherwise the Funyuns they’ll actually liquefy, ’cause there’s so much oil in ’em. Yeah right? And so, yeah. And so we’re gonna do that and then it’s gonna give it, give it like a nice jimmy. There it is. And then we’re gonna make a little well. We’re gonna crack the eggs in it, then we’re gonna kind of finger it up, mash it out, then roll it into fresh pasta. It’s like chickpea flour. It’s like chickpea flour. It’s like to it’s like we’re making a soca. What’s the other one? That- panisse. Panisse. Yeah, that’s a good one. I think we’re good. Yeah. I made cinnamon toast crunch Panisse once. Really? Yeah. Are you proud? I love this show. Mythical. It’s fun, right? It’s for fun. ‘Cause every food is already been made, you know? In the thousand- This seems like two little flour to make like pasta with. No, that’s perfect amount. Be perfect for two of us? You wanna make a well. Yeah. Make a well. There’s some in there. Make a well. Crack an egg, two whole eggs. We got a whole egg. Do you- The recipe’s in page the community page? Yeah. No, in the description, don’t you know? In the description. Down there, in the description. Then you know, what you do is you subtly point to your junk. So that way it brings people’s eyes down. Pasta maker’s broken. It’s just is broken. This is broken. Flat out, flat out broken. We’re talking about how it’s broken earlier. Do you wanna mix the pasta or you want me to do it? Yeah. Do you have a fork or? You want me to kinda like – Or do you just. I just kinda mash. You can use a knife. That’s a big old knife. You can use a honing rod. This looks like- That’s a good one! That’s perfect. I’m just gonna whip it up. Do you want, do you want me to do anything? No you- Is there any way that I can emotionally support you? You want me to do breathing exercises? Just tell me- Yeah, let’s do. Just breathe me out. Breathe me out. All Right, we’re gonna go deep inhaled ujjayi breath. This is called warrior breath. You’re gonna contract the muscles in your throat and you’re gonna make a little noise and don’t be afraid. Ehhhhhhhh. Ahh. Ehh. I’ve been doing a lot of at home yoga. Yeah. Me too. Really have you really? Yeah. You know. It’s nice, right? It’s good for your mind. I don’t know though man. It’s good for- it’s not good for my wrist though. Big dog weighs a bit. So it’s bad on the wrists. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I feel it’s pretty bad for my mind though. ‘Cause I feel a little trapped and I get a little panic attacks when I’m doing yoga ’cause I have to stay still. Yeah. I feel like you don’t like staying still. Do not like saying still. No, no. That is poison for my brain. You think I should add a little more flour? Yeah. Now mash it up. I feel like you- Not more flour. Just get that nice. Okay. Okay. There you go. See, I did the heavy work. Now you, I wanna see. Going with the hands. Use your elbows. Do you want me like actually elbow? No, no, no. Your using your full arm, Or like get my shoulder in there? your shoulders, everything get it all in there. And you just smash in to there. All this. Bring it in. I’m trying. Bring it in! I’m trying man. You’re missing all the Funyun. For Christ sakes- Bring it all in. I know I just get all nervous in front of you. Bring it in. I want to impress you. You know, I want you to think we make- Do we need more flour? Real food here. I’m going to add a little bit more. Do you have formal culinary? Why, what would make you ask that question, Matty? I’m just wondering. What you think that I- I was just wondering. No, I don’t. I taught myself by watching Food Network all the time. Nicole went to culinary school. Wow. She got like a real degree and all that. You went to culinary school. I did. Yeah. I did. How’s that? Do you think your life would’ve been different if you didn’t go? Yeah, very much so. Yeah. Yeah. My whole life would be different. That was the beginning of me. Like, ’cause I’ve never not had a job- The only jobs I’ve ever had were in kitchens. Yeah. I’ve only worked in one field. And so like going to culinary school, I always think that like it, people ask me like, is it worth going to culinary school? Is it not worth going to culinary school? And I’m always just like, I don’t know. And what’s what are things worth to you? For me it worked out. Yeah, yeah. It showed me, how to show up on time. Showed me how to like, you know,- I never really shaved every day, and then all of a sudden I had to shave every day. Taught him how to shave! Taught me how to shave. Tell me how to be responsible, gave me self worth. That’s the big thing. And I was never good at high school ’cause I wasn’t good at math. I wasn’t good at gym. I wasn’t good- That’s the only two classes. Geographies? Wasn’t good at the geographies. And then going to culinary school, I was good at cooking and I could like, debone a rabbit. I could, you know, make a stock. I could make hollandaise. It came natural. So all of a sudden self-esteem, self-worth. It really started kicking in. That gives you to tools to do anything after that. I was like that’s nice. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So going to culinary school for me was very helpful for me. And I’ve become know incredibly successful. That is true. He’s so successful. You that’s why he’s here. Who’s more successful? Me or him? Who knows. Him by the numbers. Spiritually. Spiritually, obviously you. Obviously me. You’re very Zen. We just did a podcast. Please listen to a podcast so I can love myself, but we just did a podcast. You had all these Zen nuggets. Yikes. And I was just sitting there like, But don’t you hate doing it? No, no, you like it. You- I do love it. I love it. The biggest thing that I found out, I love the ingredients thing. I really do. I think that’s a really good nugget to take away from that. Where dog food, cat food. It’s all ingredients. It’s just ingredients. You like eatin’ fish. You like eatin’ sardines. It’s it’s the Socratic forms. That’s what I love about food, you can break it down into its elementary parts, right? Like Funyuns are literally just, you know, flour, onion, powder, salt, oil. That’s it. Right? People would add olive oil to pasta. Sometimes. Ergo- Yeah. Is that nice? We’ll wrap it all hydrate a little bit. You know, then we’ll roll it out. That’s nice. Bingo. Bango. Funyun pasta dough. That easy. Matty we got, we got a puck. We got puck of wet pasta dough. Its Funyun dough. It’s hydrated. The Fun dough. Do you wanna start rolling this out? We got a pasta maker, but we broke it earlier today, just today. And so we’re gonna gonna try and roll it out here. So I’ll I’ll grab old nugget. Just grab a nugget. We’re just gonna try- Grab a nugget. We’re going to figure it out Try to make that into like a square or something. No? Okay. Shove it through. I dunno, we could. It all ends up in the same place. It all ends up in the same place. We’re going to feed it, feed it through. You wanna go wider. You start a wide -here’s Okay, here we go. We should give them information they can use. To make pasta you let Matty do it. That’s all I got. So you wanna go through it a couple times and you go back, front to tail, tail to front and you just go and then you work. You go step by step- step by step – And then it And then and then you do it. We broke it. And then what that does, what does that do to Which one? To the bounce of it? to the bounce- Like going down slowly, you gotta stretch it out evenly Glutens. Glutens. Talk about the glutens. So here’s the thing. Gluten is a protein that’s found inside wheat, several other things. It’s what typically gives any dough product, it’s sort of stretch, it’s bounce. You might call it Al dente in Italian, in Chinese Mandarin you might call it a Q, right? That gives it the signature snap. That of course comes from the alkali water you add to it. Some people are intolerant to it. Not me. Gluten’s intolerant to me. When I eat gluten, it gives me energy. Agree. Like I’m about to like- Super sand. jump up a mountain, do a couple hopscotchs up a mountain. I eat just like a dough. Packet of gluten. Just like a bag. I just keep a gluten goo. Yeah like a bag of AP. Gluten goo. Like a Gogurt. I call it Glut-gurt. Yeah. What’s happening here. We made a lasagna dough. Okay. So you make a tongue. Yeah. But then we’re gonna, we’re gonna do that. We got swap outs, luckily. We got swap outs. Because this show isn’t about accuracy. Its a fake, its a artifice, a prison of our own design. We live inside the matrix. The pasta dough does not exist. This is what you’re going for. Yeah. This is called a cold open. So we’re not gonna, you’re just gonna say the thing that you said, where you’re like and then we’ll just come into it straight like that. I just know you’re gonna cut. Why are we putting it in raw? Yeah. What are we gonna? We put it- Was that a good cold open, Analise? I was just gonna – Why- You start with, okay, now let’s assemble it. Okay. Okay. Now let’s assemble it. Okay. We’re try and guesstimate- Little bolognese, little ragu. the old size here and use a paintscraper. Use a paint scraper. Gunna bash this up. And then what’s called, multi yati? You can make some multi yati. Yeah, multi yati’s is nice. You know. Just get little bit of this sauce so it doesn’t stick on the bottom. Yeah that’s a good one. Couple Capicolis. Gabagool! Get that in there. And there I eat too much process lunch meat, man. Okay. Now. All right. We’re going to start layering. You want to cut your sheets the same size as your dish pan. Do you even tell people how to cook anything? We got a little distracted this episode. Oh. We do. We do. We do some like basic. We we’ve done some basics videos. We do a show called Cook Food Good. Oh that’s nice. That’s nice. Not, not a ton of people watch it. Nobody watched it. nobody. No, but we’re proud of the work that we did. Why would you watch it? Because no. Maybe you didn’t describe it nice enough. You make insane Doritos crusted funnel cake. We, we do- A crusted funnel cake? That’s so nice. Oh I told them – I told them about, you know, unilateral fish cooking method. Unilateral! I told them about you know- Yeah. Know unilateral tests well? No did not test, well. Ohh. Unilateral salmon cookery did not test well with the core demo. All right, so drop some of that almond pepper jack ricotta if you – we’re using re ricotta in like a real- Here I’ll hold this down. Hold that. I’m gunna kind of anchor it. I’m gonna kind of anchor it. I feel like you don’t need- It’s going to get a little schwappy Ohh. Oh sorry here, I’ll anchor all of them. Don’t schwapp. Yeah. Too much schwapp. Just go around the fingers. Just, just travel around the fingers. That’s nice. That’s so nice. Is it- I mean, the thing I think about is you gotta know the rules of cooking if you wanna break ’em. So for me, I think this all makes sense in my head together, right? Absolutely. Little ragu? Ragu? No cheese. Yeah. More cheese. More cheese. Yeah, yeah. So this is string cheese and String and Pepper Jack Shelf stable Pepper Jack. Self stable Shelf stable. ‘Cause they don’t put it in the fridge. They sell it at the cash register. So if you’re going to the cash register and you’re like, hey man, I just need some cash back. And they’re like, do you like some wet Pepper Jack? It’s the wettest Pepper Jack you ever had. Love a wet Pepper Jack. That’s my favorite kind. Yeah. Well you’re not gonna want – actually there’s a couple really good, like dry age Jacks out there. Like some really good- Ohhh. Vella is company that does a good dry Jack. Wow. Some nice dry aged Jack. Yeah. We got- what happened here? Um. That’s- You know, we’re just gonna kinda- We’re gonna work that in. What’s going on? I don’t know. What happened? We, you know, – This is on you. A little hand torn. This is on you Joshy. You know, I don’t know if This one’s on you. Listen, we make a lot of videos and you know we’re do a podcast -listen to the podcast, you know, buy Matty’s pan. How much that pan cost? Ah, I about 200 G So much- money. So we’re gonna go ahead and we’re gonna throw this lasagna in the oven at 400. How much does that weigh? Its a lot, feel it man. That’s hefty. That’s about what? 2.9 kilos in your speak. No, I – We do poundys. Do you really? Did I not know that about Canada? Touch something, that’s so gross. We got the lasagna outta the oven. If you didn’t notice, cause it’s right there. We have the lasagna out of the oven. It smells like sweet potatoes. It reeks of sweet potatoes. So we don’t know what- there’s sugar in the beef jerky. There’s gotta be sugar in the Funyun. Yeah. There’s definitely – It’s a sugar pie. It’s sugar pie. It looks like sweet potatoes and marshmallows. It’s dessert. Its a dessert lasagna. It’s a savory, its a nouveau dessert. Yeah. Sweet, savory. We’ve deconstructed to reconstruct to then create a new piece of art. You want a Funyun? Please. Cheer bro. Thanks for coming on the show by the way. This is a great time. The best time I’ve ever heard in my life. Right? Yeah. That’s – I’ve never had a Funyun Really? That was my my first Funyun. Oh, they’re good stuff. Oh, that’s nice. Yeah, use a paints scraper. I put my finger in it a little bit. Oh! Were there two plates here? Nope. Just one. I guess we’re sharing. Do I get some? I’m going straight outta here. I love sharing. How’d the noodles hold up? Can I try? It hot? oh that’s so sweet. Where are -Matt, Hold on. Before- I told you we had another shtick coming. Another shtick? Check this out. There’s so many shticks. Matty, you hold this. And then we got our signature patented spork cam. That’s nice. I got a tattoo for $85 in Portland. That looks really well done. Yeah. And now we’ve made it like the mascot out of the channel. And then you can just do like an endoscopy. Ah, jaw cracked. I have TMJ. All right, Lemme grab you some. Seems hot. All the pasta really dissolved. It’s really hot. Do you wanna blow it? Do you want me to blow it? Okay. We’re boosted. Okay. We’re just getting riled up. Gettin’ freaking riled. Get in there. Get in there Matty. How’s it? It’s sweet. Some fell down your shirt. Whoa. Whoa. It’s a lot of flavor. That is wild. I told you that we’re not gonna make you the best lasagna you ever had. We’re not gonna make you the second best lasagna. We might make you the worst one lasagna you you’ve ever had. And did we satisfy? Where’d it go? I don’t know. It’s in the, it’s matted in the chest hair. You gotta kind of comb through it. You know? Just get it in there. That’s crazy. The pasta is a little gummy. The pasta is a little gummy. Wait wait hold on. There we go, we need a little granita on top. You know what? It’s not bad though. But the thing about America, the thing about- Tell’em Matty. Thing about the world. This is what they want. This is what you deserve. This is what, if this is what you want. This is what you get. Feeding pigs to pigs. They look crazy. Oh. Gah. So hot! Oh my god. Right. Well, Hey, thank you so much for stopping by the Mythical Kitchen. Hit that bell. I got- I have heartburn after eight seconds. Like and subscribe it. Go to the community page. Click the bell. Buy a pan, buy a book. Google me. Matty. No, he’s gonna know. Matty is gonna drop a comment right at the top of this comment section. Right when the video publishes that way you can go subs to his page directly. So he doesn’t have to, you don’t even have to search it. I’m almost at a million subscribers. Help me out. Thanks so much or having me. A million subscribers. I had a great time. I need like a- We are all stuck in the matrix. I need like 60 thousand. Bend this fork with your mind. If I got 60,000 subscribers from this video, what should we do? I don’t know. We’ll make another video, but we’ll fight to the death naked. We won’t fight to the death naked. We won’t fight to death. Tattoo. Tattoo! No, I’m trying to get more. You’ll get! I’ll I’ll get Babish’s laser removed and I’ll put Matty on there. I will. We’ll we’ll get Matty. If, if you, if 60,000 subscribers, if I go over a million after this video. Yeah. He’ll get a tattoo of me and guess what? I’ll do it. Wait, hold on. If wait, if a good thing happens to you, then a bad thing happens to me. That’s the relationship that we just set up. You literally get my face tattooed on your body. That’s like- and I get- A decision I could’ve made 60k subscribers. I could’ve made that decision independently regardless of anything. But now you’re only putting- I’m a really good tattooer though. You don’t know that. Well that’s that’s good. Yeah well! The bets in. What did I do?! I’ll do anything for content, truly. I mean, what are we all doing here? See y’all next time. [Josh and Analise] Listen to our podcast, The Hot Dog is a Sandwich to hear us dissect the internet’s most controversial food questions. Airing every Wednesday wherever you get your podcasts. You’re flat. You’re flat.