Welcome to “Aprons Off”, the show where we don’t really cook and kind of just hang out with one another. Today, we are going to be talking about our horror dinner date stories. And after we hear all of our stories, we’re going to vote on which one was the worst. Which one of us is the worst at love? Find out on Aprons Off! Lily, we can start with you. Tell us, what’s uh, what was your worst dinner date experience? Okay, so I’m not a fan of bodily fluids on my face, But this is the story of the- That’s a good way to start. I was on a date with this guy, and it’s pretty early on, and we are at this sports bar called Trophy Wife in Silver Lake. And we’re- So many details. He’s gonna know you’re talking about him! I know, I know, I know. To set the scene, it’s wintertime, it’s a little dry outside. The bar is, like, long, but we are at one end of it, and then the bathroom is at the other. Just for reference. You’ll know why later. Hmm. So we’re having some drinks, having a good time, you know, eating a little food. The place is starting to fill up a little bit. And we’re feeling good, so we’re feeling a little PDA. What number date is this? Two. Second. Oh! Oh, PDA on a second date! Second date! I know, we were a little- Girl… Frisky. Okay, okay, okay. So, we go in for a little kiss at the bar. Wait, little like – Okay. Or like this? No, so yeah, it, it ends up being, like, a full-on make out, and we’re being those people at the bar. Shut up. Dude, nice. Nice Yeah, I mean I don’t like, I just- Yeah. Anyway, too many drinks. It’s a full on kiss and then all of a sudden I feel this like kind of warm liquid on my face and I’m like, you know, he was sniffling earlier and he probably has like a cold or something. Maybe it’s like a little snot, which is a little gross. Oh, no! Maybe it’s like too much saliva. It’s probably looks really disgusting. But we keep going and then a few seconds Yeah, Power through. Yeah, we power through. A few seconds later he gasps and pushes me away. He’s looking at me like he saw, he just made out with his grandmother and then I’m looking at him and then I look at him and realize what’s going on and I’m looking at him like, I just made out with my grandfather and he is running for napkins. And he was like, I’m so sorry. I get bloody noses really bad in the wintertime. Oh He bled on you? There’s blood all over my face. All through my teeth. Oh. And now I’m tasting it and I, Now I’m like disgusted cuz I don’t like other people’s blood in my mouth. Like I don’t care how hot you are. Ew, ew! Lily! Megan Fox and Machine Gun Kelly, they liked it. So some people do. Oh I didn’t know that. Billy Bob Thornton and, and Angelina Jolie. Okay. Swappin’ blood Maybe, maybe I can get into it. I don’t know. It’s always time. So yeah, at this point I’m like, I need to go to the bathroom, which I said earlier was across like the bar. So I’m like running through these people with blood all through my teeth, all over my face to try to get to the bathroom. And of course there’s a line and there’s a girl in front of me They didn’t move out of the way? Well she didn’t realize that like I was, had blood over my face and she looked up at me and was like oh my gosh, oh my gosh, are you okay? Are you okay? Like thinking it’s my own blood. And I said, no it’s fine. It’s fine. It’s not my blood. It’s not my blood. And now she’s freaked out cause like why do you have this other person’s blood all through your teeth? And she’s trying to get away from me. But anyway, that guy’s name is Alex and we’re still uh- Shut up! No way! A master class at storytelling. Holy crap! Down to talking about the humidity in the atmosphere to set this- Yeah Damn. To set the scene. Oh my gosh. And how long have you guys been together? Uh, almost five years. Wow. Bleed on your girl Yeah on the second date Blood pact. That’s the secret. That’s, that’s how you do it. That’s the secret to romance Sports Bars in Silver Lake. I don’t know how either of us are gonna top that I can’t top that at all. I can’t top that. And I’m not gonna try, but I’ll I’ll get into mine You can- tell us about your story Josh So this is the only date that I’ve been on in my adult life. Cause I was with somebody in college. You all know the story, it worked out terribly. But point is first time I was ever single in my adult life and I went out on a date from somebody that I didn’t meet on an app. I’m a huge fan of online dating Me too Yeah Because you get a chance to actually know who somebody is at least a little bit. You know who they want you to think they are at least. So you know what they like, they, you know, they like they have certain hobbies, you know, you have certain interests, et cetera. But I met somebody in the wild and asked them out on a date because they came up to me at the gym and they just went, what is that a tattoo of a spork? And I was like Yeah That’s a red flag. They initiated physical contact first and you were like Yes. Cause I didn’t think that happened. I was like, what is this a sitcom? This is incredible. And so I got her number and I asked her out and I was initially like, Hey, you wanna go out to dinner? And she was like, I’d rather do coffee first which I’m immediately just like Coffee date, whatever. But she asked me to this cafe that like served lunch and whatnot and so I assumed we’d be eating there and so I, you know dehydrated myself and got a sick pump on. So I looked really big cuz we met at the gym and she’s a big fitness person. That’s all I knew about her. Again, didn’t meet on an app so I didn’t know actually anything about her. But we show up to the coffee shop and I immediately am like, Hey, so like we’re eating lunch. And she was like, no. And I’m like, well I need a sandwich, I’m gonna pass out. That was already weird. But then after her first words to the cashier I knew immediately that this is never going to work out because she goes I want an oat milk, golden turmeric latte extra hot. If it’s not hot enough I will send it back. And I was like, oh this is why I don’t just go out with strangers. And so I was immediately like, I don’t wanna do this. And then throughout the entire date I was trying to just end it immediately. She’d be like, I go up to strangers at the gym and I tell them their form’s bad and that they need to stop that. And I just go I’m ethically opposed to you doing that. I think it makes you a bad person. She was like, ah, you’re so funny. But like, I’m not kidding at all. Then she says that it’s my male privilege that I’m allowed to have bad lifting form And I was like, what What the hell? Of all the things I have male privilege for that’s a really weird one Point is the date was going so badly, uh that I was just trying to say things to self emulate. Right. To be like, let’s get this over with. I said something and then she in a huff just grabs her jacket and her keys slings over her shoulder and goes I have to go to the bathroom. And I was like, oh, thank God she left. But she goes to the bathroom, right? And I’m like, if she’s gone, I’ll, I’ll time it and if she’s not back in eight minutes, I’m gonna leave. And then, you know she had forgotten her purse there though. And so I was like she must have just left without her purse. But she had her keys in her jacket. So I was like reasonable that she could have just left this bag. I time eight minutes and then I take her purse and I go up to the cashier and I’m like I’m just gonna give this to him. Say, Hey, my date ghosted on me, she forgot this. She’s gonna come back for it. And then as I’m grabbing her purse and sling it over my shoulder, I’m walking towards the front door and she comes outta the bathroom again like eight minutes and 37 seconds later. Listen, if you got IBS, you know, that’s totally cool. But again, if you’re on a dating app we probably would’ve talked about that before. And so I would’ve known That’s why you don’t meet people in the wild. So anyway, she thinks I’m stealing her purse. So she goes, what the hell are you stealing my purse? She said, stealing my purse? She said, are you stealing my purse? And then immediately I’m walking out with her purse. So I don’t know how to say that I’m not Is she, is she like, is she like are you stealing my purse or is she like are you stealing my purse? It was somewhere in between, because like she was I don’t know what, I couldn’t get a read on any of her emotions. Oh really? Throughout the whole thing because you know, I was trying to just self emulate the date. Sure, sure. And she, yeah. And so I just go, oh no, I thought you left. And she goes, why? I was having a really great time. Oh. What? And I was like, I was literally just like, how? And I was like, I based on every single thing that you have said today, I don’t believe that we are ever going to see eye to eye on anything in the world. And then she just kept going, ha ha ha, you’re so funny. I love when you say stuff like that. And I was like, how are you- Who is this girl? I like her coffee order. I don’t mind her coffee order She sent it back, it wasn’t hot enough and she sent it back and I immediately wanted to crawl into a hole and die. Yeah. So anyways, and then I just had to be, oh, I just got out of a relationship. And then she went, you need time to heal. I could tell from your aura. Oh, no And I was like oh, thank God And eventually, but yeah, my date was taking a poop and thought that I was stealing her purse. Did you see her at the gym again or no? Yeah, once like deep though. I was like Oh my God she was off on an elliptical and I was like, I’m gonna run to the squat rack. Yes. Oh my God I don’t skip leg day. So that’s, that’s my, honestly I don’t have that many bad horror stories. Cause like I’m pretty awesome on dates. I, I mean I’m- You’re good in real life. I’m sure you’re good in a, in a romantic setting. I can be very romantic. That’s really cringe. Your date was like cringey I’d say. Yeah Like, there were just so many uncomfortable moments like the, the latte order. I understand why you felt that way. Yeah. All right. Are you ready for my story? Yeah, what’s your story? Okay. I’ve gone on a lot of bad dates. Okay. I’ve been on some really bad ones some kind of bad ones, whatever. But this one is one of the, the few dinner dates I went on at this point, whenever I was like, let’s say like 22 I like knew how to date kind of. So I would know when I would meet with someone Like I would know like, oh, like you don’t just go on a date and you don’t talk to them beforehand on the phone or you don’t like ask about them. You like have to know who these people are before you go out with them. Well at least that, that was my mentality at 22. I was on za apps. Yeah. Which app? Which app? Shout ’em out Shout ’em out. So this app in particular was Hinge but I was on Hinge as well as J Swipe. Yep. Which is Jewish Christian Mingle for young professionals. Oh. No, no, no. J swipe is Jewish Tinder because then No, it’s not as bad as Tinder. People- People find long lasting loving relationships on J Swipe. So I link up with this guy and, and he looks like a really great guy, very established, nice, forward, which I liked. And he’s like, we, we start like texting and he’s like let me give you your number. I wanna call you. And I’m like, oh yeah, we’re gonna talk on the phone. I’m gonna hear his voice. So we’re talking and I’m like super into it. And then he’s like, I’m gonna ask you to go out with me in like a few days, whatever. I’m gonna order you an Uber. Like I’m just gonna take you wherever you wanna go. And I’m like, oh my God, I’ve never had a guy order an Uber for me. Like, pick me up and take me to dinner. I feel like I’m being chauffeured around the place. So, you know, I- That all it takes to impress you? Just like, hey, punch your address in a app- I mean, I mean it was it was like chivalry adjacent you know what I mean? Also, I was 22 years old. I didn’t know like Diet, zero calorie chivalry. Yeah. I didn’t really know, but I was like, oh my God this is like so classy. Like he’s calling an Uber to pick me up and it’s an it’s a Black Uber Wow. Oh that’s nice. It’s not, it’s not a Toyota Corolla rolling up honey. It’s one of those big black Escalades. Oh, nice. So he picks me up and then I get dropped off and then he’s at the front and, um, he’s holding a rose. And I’m like, oh my gosh Aw This is so nice. He’s wearing a nice like little leather jacket like he looks really cool and whatever. And then we’re at dinner, we take a seat and then he orders like so much alcohol, like too much alcohol For both of you or for- For himself. Oh. Uh oh. So, um, he just starts taking different shots of different alcohols. And he’s like, yeah, I know you’re into food, whatever. Because at that time I was working at like a chocolate store, whatever, and he’s, he’s like drinking different, he’s like, try this liquor. He’s like trying to get me drunk. And I’m like, I’m not. Oh no. Oh. I’m like, I’m like, oh. Like I don’t drink that much on a first date. He he he, and he’s just taking these shots trying to impress me by how much alcohol he can drink. Oh. And then- Frat rules, baby. By the time our food comes and we order it he’s pretty much like this. Oh. And he is just weaving back and forth. chicken tender And I’m just like like he can’t even eat. He can’t see straight, he can’t do anything. Right. So at this point I’m like, I need to get out of here. Yeah. So I say, I’m gonna go to the bathroom. Bathroom. Bathroom. That’s how people leave dates. That’s how people leave dates. Eight minutes. You got eight minutes. And I, and I call my best friend Debbie at the time I’m like, Debbie, pretend you’re like my grandma and you’re in the hospital and you got, I gotta go. So she’s like, okay. And then I go sit down. He’s honestly not even aware of this. I just did this for my own personal wellbeing. Yeah. You know that I’m not, I’m not a bad date. He’s a bad date Yeah. So, and then he pretty much passes out almost. And he’s, he’s like this. And I didn’t even get a chance to tell him that my grandma was in the hospital So the, the waiter like taps me on the shoulder and I’m, she’s like, are you okay? Like, what’s going on? Is he okay? And I’m like, this is a first date. I’ve never met him before. This is our first time. He got way too drunk. Like, I don’t know what to do. She’s like, just leave. I’ll take care of it. Aw Wow. Also was a female waitress. Very, very nice. So I, I called myself an Uber, not a black one. I roll up in the Toyota bro. And I go home and then I never hear from him again. How- there was no second date? No, no But he could drink so much. That’s sick, dude I think, I think he realized that. I think he realized it just wouldn’t work out. Yeah. He passed out on the first day from being drunk. Well, do you think that- He didn’t vomit though You were like, your beauty and grace was so intimidating that he was like gosh, I just need a way to cope with this, you know? Yeah. Real beautiful and graceful. I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know. I just, it was, it was weird. I’ve never been with someone that’s just so explicitly down to get that drunk before meeting someone for the first time. It was weird. Yeah. You gotta, as a guy, you have to like, you know go off of the other person’s drinking habits. It’s like if they’re- Yeah If they’re, if they get another drink you can never order another drink before, you know Especially shots Especially, yeah. Just don’t do shots on a first date. That’s weird. Yeah. I don’t know what happened though. I don’t know where he is. I don’t know if he survived. I don’t know anything. He never left- I also left the rose because I’m like, oh no Yeah, no I’m not gonna take that token. But yeah, it was, it was pretty bad. Wow. Pretty tragic. I’m just glad he didn’t vomit on me or on the food. Have you guys ever pooped on a date? Huh? Um… Like during the middle of a date? Like you just have to go to the bathroom. No Like I gotta get it out I always have diarrhea, so yeah No What? I always- I have IBS undiagnosed. That’s what this- Personally diagnosed The girl I was on- Okay. The, let’s talk about Jews for a second. A lot of the, a lot of us have digestive issues. This is a fact. The statistics are there. This person that I was on a date with Yeah. Was a Jewish woman. Okay. You know and so I’m saying Jewish girls going on dates. Hot Jewish girls have IBS Hot Jewish girls poop on dates And, and, and we have to be real about that, you know. And that’s a normal human reaction. Yeah, girls fart Girls fart. Girls fart, girls poop. And I think- Yeah, you hold that in. You hold that in until after you- No way. Yeah. Okay. I think we should vote on- I farted in an Uber once during a date. That’s bad. Windows up, windows down? I farted outside the Uber in it, but it followed me in the Uber. No That is- like a phantom And it was cold so the windows were up Like a phantom And when it’s cold, the hot air rises, you know I think we should vote on whose story was the worst. Oh my god. Ea- there’s an easy winner here. Yeah, yeah, yeah This one. Yeah. Cheese and rice, Lil It’s monstrous. Also, the fact that it has a happy ending and you guys have been together five years is honestly pretty good. Yeah Pretty good Maybe I do like a bodily fluid on the face. Hey-O Oh my goodness. Oh my God. That means somebody won. No silly- What do we win? That doesn’t mean anybody’s a winner. I won the money, the money is mine I won the money. I win the money. The money is mine I won it That sound of the bell means we have to answer someone’s advice question Autumn Grace, also known as @autygchapin says how to cook better, not mess up slash accidentally skip steps with ADHD? 30 seconds on the clock, Lily, take it away Hey Autumn. So I feel like just me seeing everything out. So preparing everything doing all your knife cuts, getting everything ready that doesn’t actually require the heat or cooking at all. And if you have all of that ready and then you can follow the steps solely. Cuz I think a lot of times people take recipes and go step by step and they’re like, oh no, I gotta cut the onion. But this thing is like burning on the burner. So just doing all of the prep before and then you can cook a lot slower and easier. Should I go now? No. Can I go? Cause I want to be a direct response to Lily. Sure. Go ahead. That’s the worst advice I’ve ever heard. Here’s the thing Lily’s supposed to organized person that I’ve ever met you, with ADHD, are never gonna be like her. No, no, no. You’re like me. People don’t change. They rarely even improve. So what you need to do is you need to learn to adapt. You’re gonna cook your way through a recipe and you’re gonna forget things and you’re gonna skip steps. But then you learn how to adapt on the fly and be like, oh I can throw the vinegar in now even though I forgot it then. And then you’ll build up enough sort of practice to where you understand how to cook on the fly. That’s why I don’t bake. Cause I suck at it. But I’m an awesome cook because I know how to adapt. Just skip the steps. Yeah, screw it. It’s okay. Who cares. You’re all gonna make mistakes. I’m gonna make mistakes. We’re all gonna make mistakes. Thank you so much for watching Aprons off. If you would like us to answer your question go ahead and write it in the comments. We would love to give you our genuine advice. Give us a hug. Come on. Bring it in. Bring it in everybody. We’ll- we’ll see you next time The perfect complimentary bottoms to one of our best selling hoodies. Complete your set with the new Mythical tie-dye logo joggers at mythical.com.