Hey, welcome to “Aprons Off”, our new show where we take our aprons off and stop cooking and just kind of hang out and do stuff. And today, Trevor and Vianai. Dang. I didn’t mean to use your government name. I know you didn’t like that. We have a very important task in front of us. We are gonna be the voice of all children today. Yeah. Because we are going to rank the top fast food kids meals. So all the children watching this show. And if you have children, park them in front of the show and just click play and let them sit there for what, 24, 48 hours? Yeah, why not? It’s healthy for kids. To be clear, we’re only doing five fast food kids meals. Yes. You know, money’s tight. Economy’s tough right now. We only had money in the budget for five kids meals. Once Credit Suisse crashed, all of Mythical’s holdings were in Credit Suisse. Why would you tell them that? Well, I’m saying we need new banks. Anyway. What do you guys wanna start with? Jack in the Box. Jack in the Box! Look at this nonsense. Also, we got milk with all of these. I don’t know who wants to drink the milk. Milk is healthy- I can’t drink milk. For children. That’s a thing that we know to be true though, right? You can only drink milk till, you only have to drink milk till you’re like five. And then after that, it’s kind of pointless, so it’s like. And it’s not supposed to be cow milk, right? It’s supposed to be the milk of the teat. The mother’s. The teat. 10 grams of protein. Josh, get this in you. That’s all you, fam. Jack in the Box got the curly fries coming in. We gotta show them the nuggs. Bro, there’s the whole thing right there. Sorry, I know. I was trying to punch it for emphasis. The child lock on this milk is too strong. Wait. I can’t do it. Fry or nugget, which one you wanna start with? I’m already eating a fry. Okay, well, I guess we’ll start with the fry then. You gotta dissect out here, man. These are all four piece nugget meals with fries and milk. We’re being very scientific about this. Did you chuck that? There was no. Where’d it go, bro? I’m gonna chug all the milks in all of these kids meals. I looked away for two seconds, and dude’s. Chugs a milk canister and bounces it around. Nobody drinks milk that fast. I drink milk that fast. For what reason? I don’t mean it. I’ve never done the gallon challenge, but I feel like I could do the gallon challenge easily. Oh, so. Have a fry. I feel like I could. Have a fry, have a fry. Okay, I’ll eat a fry. These curly fries. I mean. This reminds me of the back of the Jack in the Box in high school. You were a Jack in the Box high school person? Yeah. Just the back though. Did kids used to like fight each other other like in the alley behind the Jack in the Box? ‘Cause that was our Jack in the Box. That’s where people used to make out. But yeah, that too. I guess that too. Nuggies, I don’t know that I’ve had a nugget from Jack in the Box ever. I haven’t either. I’ve never ate it. They’re not bad. Love their curly fries. Do they get them from the same place as Arby’s? It’s so tiny. I don’t know. Like how many curly fry factories are there? I don’t know. You’re jsut like, “Yeah, I talked to my buddy Chris. He works there. He said yeah.” It’s so tiny. I think they need to be bigger. It’s a good nugget, you know. It’s a perfectly fine nugget. I mean, I’m fine leaving this if we’re ranking them as like the middle of the pack. Okay. Yeah. We got the nuggies from all of them? Nuggies from all of them, yeah. Well, I said that while you were chugging the milk. Sorry, it will happen again. Next time you chug the milk, could you just pay attention? No. Okay. You just have to repeat it. Just we all gotta work with each other. It’s fine, it’s fine. I’m not tripping. V, you have some over there. Yeah, I have the Chick-fil-A. Chick-fil-A. Wow. Yeah, scoot that over. To be clear, I did order all of these. The Chick-fil-A kids meal cost twice as much as any other kid’s meal. I just want this. Really? Yeah. Actually twice as much? No, literally like twice. Like all of the other kids meals were like in the $4 to $5 range. Chick-fil-A cost $10 for a four piece nugget or no, a five piece nugget kids meal. That’s crazy. I didn’t even know they had a kid’s meal. Every time I go there, I only go to get like breakfast sandwiches and then to eat sauce specifically and that’s it. So they have the crisscut fries, right? You go to Jack in the Box, you got the I don’t feel very good. I gotta stop chugging the milk. Yeah, you’re gonna pass out. That bit’s not gonna go well. I don’t love Chick-fil-A. I just don’t think they make very good flavored chicken. I think their fries are always underdone. I’ve said that for a long time. Really? You broke my heart. I’m just sad they’re not open on Sundays. How dare are they? They’re not nuggets to me. They’re not nuggets. This is popcorn chicken. It is a whole piece of breast. It sure is. Right? I think the seasoning’s better than Jack in the Box. And Jack in the Box is proper, Trevor’s already distracted by the children’s, the games. Yeah, I know he’s stole my ish. What is that? It’s like a sticker thing. It’s very obvious, just the shapes of the sticker go in. Show the people. Yeah, well, no, they also have numbers so it’s like easy to do. But you get to do a little picture. This is important to me. The toys in the kids meals are important to me. Jack in the Box didn’t even have a toy. It didn’t, but. This is a fun and interactive booklet with all kinds of different stickers and drawing and even a little poster of a bear. It’s a psyop to brainwash children to only eating fast food. You know? I kinda like that it gives you multiple options of things to do ’cause, yeah, some only have one. Or just a little toy, like, what am I gonna do with that? Oh, we got Chic-fil-A sauce? Yeah, we have two. Hello. I do love the sauces. I love the sauces at the Chick-fil-A. I’ll tell you what. Okay. I’ll tell you what. You got a milk spot. There will be more. Okay. I’m not double dipping. This is gonna go to the backside. Do we feel like- I already did that like three times. this is better or worse than Jack in the box? I like it better. You like it better? Yeah, I like that this has more season. Even though it’s smaller, that’s fine with me. I could just like pop in my mouth real quick while I’m driving, like doesn’t take a lot of effort. What about the fries though, man? I just don’t think, Carl’s Jr. does a great crisscut fry. They got the waffle fries. These are not my favorite. No. What are we giving it? They’re not, but here’s the thing. I think the nuggets here are better. That’s a three out of 10 for me. Three out of 10? I think the Jack in the Box fries. But I’m serious, this is big. Jack in the Box didn’t have a If it’s a kid’s meal, it should have a toy. You should be able to brainwash children into doing the things that you want as the market forces demand. All you gotta do is distract them. That’s the whole point of the kids meal. And it did its job, it distracted Trevor for like three minutes. I just want my kids to shut up, yeah. I just want some peace and quiet for five minutes. Chic-fil–A’s gonna do that better. I got too distracted by the book. I triple dipped, sorry. And I didn’t chew the fry all the way and now my chest hurts. You gotta massage it down. You just gotta do this and do a chant. I’ll be okay. Number one right now, we got Chick-fil-A. Okay, so put that in the front. We still got Jack in the Crack. What the beans is this? Wendy’s! There you go, boss. I gotta watch you this time. Don’t do it, don’t do it, don’t do it. I’m not gonna do it. I got my protein. This is my protein shake for the day. I did get ranch if you want ranch. Okay, kids love ranch. Yeah. Oh, we got a toy in that one too? What is it? Yeah. Squareville Heroes Auto Repair Shop and Post Office. I have a question. Do you know what square, Trevor, is this like a video game thing? Like what’s the game where all the people are squares? Roblox or Minecraft. Legos. Legos. Legos. I was thinking of Minecraft. Is this a Minecraft thing? No, no, this just seems to be like a V, figure it out. No, it’s a cool, look you build it. When’s the last time y’all ate a kids meal? It’s just a trashcan. Well, right now. Wait, I don’t. Put your ranch in there. Put ranch in it. Oh! Oh! Give me some. I got you. Oh no! Wait, is Trevor figuring out the toy? ‘Cause we found that they’re just fun little ranch dippers. Yeah. Why’d you do that? You weren’t quick enough. What do you mean? Yeah. Well, you can still build it. Yeah, you can just put ranch on it. You like build the little, it’s like you build a little- Put some ranch on it. Storefront. Oh, that’s pretty adorable. You gotta eat too, man. There’s stickers. I can’t, I’m too focused. Okay. Toy not withstanding, when I was a kid, I didn’t have toys growing up. It was like, “Here’s a ball, go bounce it” and that was it. But the nuggets from Wendy’s to me are like maybe the best fast food nuggets in the game. I do love McDonald’s. Oh my gosh. I do love McDonald’s. These are good. I’m not gonna lie, it’s the first time I had a Wendy’s nugget. I don’t go to Wendy’s that often. I’m telling you, only breakfast. I only. Why are there nuggets so airy though? Look at it. They’re porous. Looks like a sourdough bread. It does. Oh yeah. Look, mine has a big old bubble in it right there. Like where’s the rest of the meat, man? Finish this nugget. What happened? Wendy’s has increased profits 1.3% by just adding, blowing air into their nuggets. It’s some guy in the back with a straw. I think this is, to me, this rockets immediately into my top. Huh? This is in my top spot. This is in my top spot. No. Yeah, I agree. Yeah, Trevor’s so distracted by the toy. Here, Trevor, you’re missing a piece. Wendy’s nuggets are definitely the best. I love Wendy’s nuggets. Also, Wendy’s fry game, very good. It might be the best nugget. Underrated. Are we going by best nugget and best fry? Like is it two separate categories or are we just ranking it all as one? All as one, so total package. I think the toy has to come into it. Jack in the Box is severely lacking the toy. Are you sure you didn’t accidentally swallow the toy in the drive-through? I’m pretty sure. I don’t see nothing. You know, who knows? At the end of the day, I can’t really tell you. This is pretty nifty, okay? Show the people what you got. Well, so you get to build like a little storefront and you get to like use these stickers and these little cutouts to like make it. And look, there’s the trash can right in the front. Yeah, no, that’s supposed to be a dude. Oh! You use the stickers to decorate. It’s a little square person. Oh no, that’s a trash. You’ve got little faces and people here. So that’s unfortunate that there’s ranch in it now. I’m trying to get the ranch out, but none of you seem to want to give me a chance. No, ’cause then how am I gonna turn it into a person? I’m tonguing out. Anyway. Let’s do the next one. Yes, so here we have the next one. Of course, everybody knows this box. Who’s world is it? Karma’s World. Here you go, more milk. And it got a mustache so you can make your own mustache. Hold on. What? More milk? Here’s how, if I’m a child, right? What are children worried about more than anything? Getting love, getting security. You know, teacher-to-student ratios in schools. And then also macros. Farting. Of course. So if we look at this, 120 calories for 10 grams of protein in McDonald’s milk. Only 110 at the Wendy’s. Wendy’s wins on the macro breakdown. I want a generation of swole children. How are we gonna break Ryan Crouser’s shot put record in the next generation if the children aren’t swole? There is six fries in here. This is Play-Doh size. I don’t know if you guys ever remember, they came out with a McDonald’s like Play-Doh set or whatever and that’s how tiny it was. You’re right. I remember that. And that makes me upset. Trevor, you’re too young. Okay. But yeah, that’s definitely the size they used to come in, the Play-Doh and it was honestly so sad, it was sad. Okay, can we compare fry sizes though, actually for a second? I think we should. Look at, okay, Wendy’s, like a reasonable amount for a child. Chick-fil-A, that’s a ton of fries. Jack in the Box. That’s the one you licked. I don’t want that one. This was full. This was like a good amount of fries. This is- Gotta refill my ranch. One, two, three, four, five- Ran out of ranch. Six, seven, eight. Yeah, bud. You got another side, buddy? You got apple slices. That’s good. 14. 14 fries. They care about kids’ health. They care about kids’ health. They gave them apple slices. 14 fries, ’cause Josh ate one earlier. 14. I know you licked your ranch out. That’s shocking. I’m not gonna count all the fries. Apple slices are a little rough. I’ve never been a McDonald’s fry fan like ever in my life. This looks like a packing peanut. Y’all are gonna hate me, but I really don’t like McDonald’s fries. This looks like a packing peanut. Yeah, I ate a lot of apples and I’m like kind of an apple, I’m a bit of an apple snob. I’ve not seen you eat one apple. Are you serious? The last couple weeks. Dude, I eat so many apples in here, but sometimes I bring my own because they don’t stock honey crisp because they’re expensive and we’re going through a recession. What happened to just getting like an action figure? What is that? Is that a pop, is that another book? Two of these toys have now been books and the other one is like building. People don’t read enough. It’s just paper. What are you talking about? How’s this? They’re basically telling you you can’t read, here’s a book. Okay, well, this one at least, gave us a pencil. That one was like, “Color, scribble in it” and there’s not even crayons with it. McDonald’s has definitely the best nuggets, right? I said Wendy’s is up there. I think McDonald’s. I don’t think you can compete with McDonald’s. And they have apples and I love that. And they’re teaching Trevor how to read. I think that’s, and it comes in a box. I’m not gonna lie, this nugget tastes familiar and I missed it. Their ranch is good. Also, the children are learning. The children are getting vitamins. They’re giving them sensible portion sizes. They can use toys as trash. You have to decide this. I have something to do. I love it. I’m sorry. My child, he’s in the backseat of the car. He’s screaming, right? I can’t pay him enough attention. I’m overworked. You know what I mean? I can’t give him what he needs. And now he’s reading a little thing and he’s constructing a thing. He gets apples, he gets milk. Sensible portions. McDonald’s, I think it’s a great option. It’s definitely a go-to, but they need to give me more fries, that’s just depressing. I’m sorry, McDonald’s. Yeah, ’cause once the kid runs out of his fries, he starts screaming. Trevor, I know you’re building, but onto the next one. All right, one more, buddy. You gotta stay focused. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, we didn’t rank this one. What did we give this? I think McDonald’s at the top. What? What? Well, you’re having a great time. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Nah, bro. At least Wendy’s at the top, then McDonald’s. It’s not all about the toy. No, I just said their nuggets are the best. It’s definitely Wendy’s still. And then. I think, I think it I’ll settle. And then McDonald’s. What about the apple slices? The apple slices suck, dude. Does that look good? But they’re there. Okay. This is so, I need to, I want to know how this works. Oh, Trevor, buddy, look what they got for you. Dang. Oh, 90 calories for nine grams of protein. That’s our best ratio yet. This is the king of burgers? This is the king of burgers. Let’s see if they are a leader of children. Ooh, okay, these look a lot like McDonald’s nuggets. This ranch looks sad. The packaging on the ranch looks sad. They stole them from McDonald’s and put them at the Burger King. They’re really similar in the shape. Do you think that kids are getting smarter or I’m getting dumber because these toys are really hard to figure out. This tastes like Burger King, for sure. I’ll tell you, the kids aren’t getting smarter, buddy. I’ll tell you that ain’t the answer. Here, eat a nugget while you’re doing all that. All right, I’ll shake it for you. I think it’s a cat toy, it’s a cat toy, it’s a cat toy. Come on, sonny, eat your protein. Now you need your veggies. People hate on Burger King too much. I think Burger King does a pretty good job. I think so too. I don’t mind their fries. It makes you feel good. Where do you have Burger King ranked? I don’t know. I think, I would go Burger King ahead of Chick-fil-A. What? I like the mix. Nah, bro. I think just Jack in the Box. I would accept that ranking. Trevor. Let’s just let him go, let him cook. Let him cook. I don’t know what’s happening. Let him cook. You just gotta get in the You let him cook. Hard from this angle. You gotta get it in the basket. He’s not cooking, he needs fries. Thank you. Thank you. Which one is this? Burger King. Okay, cool. Yeah, Burger good. Number. Give me good number. Six. That sounds like Burger King is in the official six spot. No, I think we got our rankings and I think we’re happy with them. And I think all the children of the world would agree. Oh, you were saying like a ranking in five, not like out of 10? I think so. Oh, okay. My fault, my fault. No, this is great. I agree with this. Sorry, this is sick. So you wanna name them off again, Trevor? What do we got? In first place. Wendy’s. Yeah. Second place, McDonald’s. Third, Chick-fil-A. Fourth, Burger King. Fifth, Jack in the Box. 100%. Wow. We did it. You know what’s crazy is that like none of these were really bad. No. They used science and technology to really leverage human psychology against itself. Whoa! The timing. Okay, let’s see. From justfourcatss. Just four, not one. “What should one do with an entire bathtub full of Taco Bell fire sauce packets?” Bathtub full of fire sauce packets. I think you should just empty all those into the actual bathtub, right? And then you should go in there with a wetsuit, otherwise you’re gonna get a rash. But then you can just kind of swim around in it, you know? No, but what would you, what? I’d just buy Taco Bell and put it on it. But I guess then you’re gonna get more fire sauce with it, creating a sort of never-ending loop. Yeah. Get really good at making Taco Bell recreations. Then use the fire sauce on that. I would use the tub as a plating at a party. Like I would take it out the bathroom and at my party, I would just have this tub full of sauce and then have all the extra accoutrements around it. Yeah. Bathtub party. I would use it to take a tasteful erotic photo where I lay in the tub and then put the Taco Bell fire sauce packets over my private parts. Yeah. And then kind of lay in it. Yeah. It’s sexy-like. But it’s not sexual, it’s sensual. Exactly, yeah. Only Packets coming to you soon. Well, that’s all the time we have for you today. V and Trevor, thank you so much for going on this lovely journey with me. Yeah, I’m gonna go take a shower and fall asleep. I’m gonna drink some more milk. See y’all next time. You’re too hot to handle and so is your bakeware. Get a Mythical kitchen oven mitt available now at mythical.com.